11 Essential Questions For Hockey Players To Ask Themselves At The Start Of A New Season

Lee MJ Elias [0:08 - 0:35]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world. And welcome back to another edition of our kids play hockey. It's Lee Elias with Mike Bonelli. Today, Mike Christie has to use her anchoring superpowers. She's needed at the news. She texted us late last night, said, listen, there's literally a problem in the newsroom, and they need me to anchor the news in the morning and the night. So she is on assignment today as a news anchor. I mean, it's pretty. I like to say that. I think it's pretty cool we get to say that about our co host. 

Mike Bonelli [0:35 - 0:44]: She's like, seven new news anchors today. So, yeah, she's doing triple quadruple duty, but good luck to her. And again, the show must go on. 

Lee MJ Elias [0:44 - 2:09]: I guess the show must go on, literally for her, literally for us. But it's pretty cool that we have USA Hockey's hockey mom, a news anchor, an award winning authorization, so forth and so on. And now it's just us two schmucks today discussing a really great topic. Actually, for those of you listening, this might be one of those episodes you actually want to listen to with your kids, if they have the patience. We'll do a great ride to the rink as well for this. But today's topic is eleven questions every hockey player should ask themselves this season. These are eleven questions that really. It's not even just limited to hockey players, coaches, parents, if you're a human being. These are just great questions in general. But the questions that we're going to go over today are really there to help you progress mentally, but also to help you progress physically on the ice because, and I say this on the show a lot, great questions demand great answers. I find a lot in coaching, Mike, is that kids sometimes don't ask the best questions. And you're all parents out there. The question might just be, but why? But why do I have to do that? It's not a quick question. And the answer is typically because I told you so. Um, you know, we all. We all have been there, so we wanted to come up with some questions that really make you think and really make you explore a little bit deeper into every aspect of the game, from. From, again, playing to mental to being a great teammate, to the locker room, so forth and so on. So, Mike, are you ready to dive into the eleven questions? 

Mike Bonelli [2:10 - 2:15]: Yeah, I'm excited for it, and hopefully I'll be able to use it with the kids I work with. Um, you know, right away. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:15 - 2:16]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [2:16 - 2:17]: Spreading the news. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:17 - 3:07]: I think you can apply these. All right, question one. And this is an important one for everybody all season long, and it's just the way it's phrased. Right. What problems can I turn into opportunities, right. And this is what I think you want to ask yourself continuously throughout the season. What are the problems right now surrounding my hockey or just life? Right. Is school a bummer? Is hockey. I'm having a hard time, and how can I turn these into opportunities? I think sometimes kids have a problem and they go, well, this is horrible. This is never going to end because kids tend to not realize, Mike, that the negative feelings or the problems that I have, they don't last forever. Right. As you get to become an adult, I think you start to realize this feeling is not going to last forever. Right. But I think the key out of that is asking that question, what problems can I turn into opportunities, right. 

Mike Bonelli [3:07 - 4:29]: And I think it's outside of, like, skill development and your game, you know, abilities, it. This is a collaborative effort between us as parents and our kids. That's why we're our biggest kids advocate, or we should be, you know, we're. We're the advisor of our youth hockey player, you know, our 15 and under player that has to understand that there. There's a lot of things that maybe they don't even know about. Maybe you as a player, sitting there in the car and you don't, you aren't even aware of some of those problems, right. Because your parents have done a good job of shielding you, you know, from the stress of what it costs, the time you have to take off of work, the. The, you know, the ability to get multiple kids at the different rinks at different times on different days and all. And then, you know, throwing your other. You're probably. Because you're an athlete. You're probably good at something else, right? So your other sport coach is like, they say, no, no, no. You got to play for me. You can't play for that guy. Or, you know, so there's all kinds of these problems, I guess, right, that you. That you can take as opportunity to learn how to work through them, through time management, through communication, through reflection, through grit, all kinds of cool, neat stuff. And that's why we get all excited about getting into a new season and getting an opportunity to almost reinvent ourselves as players. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:29 - 5:47]: Yeah. And I'll follow that up with this. Exactly what you said. Look, not. Not all opportunities feel good. I think that that's another misnomer. Oh, an opportunity has to feel good. No, no, no. Actually, most opportunities don't feel good. Right. It just depends on how you have to look at it. Right. So opportunities are everywhere. I really am a firm believer that everything. Everything that happens to you is an opportunity. Good, bad, indifferent. It's just how your ability to look at something. So, just a quick problem I can think of is, okay, I'm the. I didn't make the team I wanted to make. Right? And they put me on the team below the team I wanted to make. Well, this is an opportunity for you to be a leader. This is an opportunity for you to log some probably power play minutes. There's an opportunity for you to work on some aspects of your game to make you better. That's a quick example. Right? There's other ones, like, someone's not passing to me. Coach doesn't like me. There's a lot of different examples. All right, I'm going to keep moving through the questions because there's eleven of them and we have 45 minutes. Um, this one kind of builds off the first question. What is it that I don't know but need to know? What is it that I don't know but need to know? Again, you might be listening and saying, well, that's obvious. Well, in my experience, people don't ask this question that often. Right. They might focus on what they don't know, period. I don't know that. But what is it that I don't know that I need to know? 

Mike Bonelli [5:48 - 6:08]: Right. I run into this all the time, actually. Like, so, example for players that are now in training season, or they're going into the beginning of the year and they're doing power skating and they're doing edge work and they're doing all this kind of stuff. So one of the things that keeps coming up is the amount of parents and players that just don't even realize about sharpening skates. 

Lee MJ Elias [6:08 - 6:09]: Right, right. 

Mike Bonelli [6:09 - 7:27]: And that's like, the number one thing you're doing when you're training is your blades. Like, so all the other stuff is irrelevant in power skating if you have uneven, unsharpened, unprofiled, or unbalanced in most kids situations, blades. So these are things you need to educate yourself about the different pieces of equipment and how they work that I didn't know about. Like, oh, my God, I didn't know you should be wearing other protection on your body that eliminates getting cut with a skate. I just thought it was a neck guard because it's mandated. No, but there's a. There's a lot of things you need to do as a player and can do, and it's fun, actually. Research and look for all the little things that you're not doing and don't think you know, you know, know about and say, hey, wow, I didn't know that. And then what I'd love to see players do instead of keeping that to themselves, spread that well, get it out there. Let, let, let the, let the other people on your team know if you're a parent that found something out, they're like, oh, my God, I didn't even think about that. Think about all the eight u parents out there that are new to hockey that don't understand or realize that your skates have to be sharp. They just assume, I don't know. I bought the blades, they came and I sharpen them at the beginning of the year. Isn't that good enough? So little things like that in order to help you with your goals of getting better each week. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:27 - 9:02]: Imagine if there was a podcast that would share that kind of information with parents out there. I bet you that would do really well. Another one, too with this one. The key of this question is that the second half, but I need to know. I'm going to put the old man hat on for a minute. One of the things, Mike, that exists today that did not exist when you and I were youth hockey players is the Internet and the ability to just search for an answer. We're actually entering into a time you could actually ask the thin air of the question, and the thin air will give you the answer back. But things like specifically in the game, and I can go by age group, how to take a better shot, how to make a better pass, how to play a one three one, you can go online and really find unlimited information about this. When I was a kid and we were playing the system, let's just say one three one. I had to hope my coaches had the time to really explain it to me if I, if I needed to know more. Otherwise, you were kind of learning by doing. Or maybe you could watch the NHL and maybe pick up some things. By far the greatest resource right now for young hockey players and everybody is the web. So if your kid comes up to you and says, hey, I want to get better at passing, obviously parents do the best you can, but don't be afraid to go online and just look up some great passing drills if they have the desire. Parents, I always like to give a caveat here. If your kid, your young kid is not showing an interest in doing anything outside the rink, don't push them too much. Right. It's the kids that want to learn, will learn. Okay. When I say don't push them too much, I'm saying just read the room. You can push them over the edge when they're really young, if they don't want to practice, doesn't mean you can't encourage them. Doesn't mean you can't say, hey, if you want to get better at something, put the time in. But just be very mindful of that. 

Mike Bonelli [9:02 - 9:32]: Yeah. And just understand that looking at the Internet doesn't mean it's gospel. Right. That it's. Make sure it's age appropriate. Make sure it's something that's relevant to your game and your player and make sure it actually makes an impact. I mean, it's great to do all these other things out there, but if you're really trying to set yourself off on the right skate this winter, going into the season, just look up the things. Shot selection and how to shoot is a great example and that you can find millions of things online. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:33 - 9:36]: How to do a Michigan, like, that's, you know, good use of. 

Mike Bonelli [9:36 - 10:26]: And that's. And that's fun, but that's. But, but, you know, now mom or dad could actually say, well, look, I have no idea what I'm talking about, but this here looks like I, like, I don't know. I looked up Tim Turk. He seems to be good. So this is the kind of guy I would follow. But here, look, like, let, you know, take the free teaching. Like, take. Take that free instruction and use it to your advantage. And just, again, make sure it's age appropriate. Make sure your kid wants to do it. And put them in a safe environment, too, where they can do all these kind of things and not worry about breaking your garage windows and the downstairs living room couch or whatever. You're in a really great place. Like you said, to be able to look things up at the. Not even look things up. As I'm speaking to you, my iPhone is telling me to look up different things. So, you know, and I'll get it. And so it just automatically, organically happen. 

Lee MJ Elias [10:26 - 11:52]: Well, and I'll say this, too, in closing, Mike, that the learning never stops. I still learn from watching videos online from people much younger than me as the game has evolved. Right. Just to learn how they do things or new drills or new skill sets. I'm still a student of the game, and I don't have an ego big enough anymore to say, oh, that guy's 22. What does he know? Now I can learn from these people, too. So it's a resource. The question again, what is it that I don't know, but I need to know. And again, remember, these are just questions you should be asking yourself throughout the season. Um, those are kind of internal questions. Let's go a little external, because I know we have a lot of kids out there that want to be leaders, right? I think every kid wants to be the guy with the c in some way. Um, but you don't need the c to be a leader. So the first question on that front is, how can I make life better for others? This is a tough one for the kids, but it's one of those questions that you can bring up. You know, parents, you can encourage your kids. Hey, we help people in our family, so how can I make life better for others? Your coaches, your teammates, the refs, so forth and so on, your teachers. If you want kids listening, I always say this to my kids. I think sometimes it's deaf ears, but I say it to other kids, too. You'll make your life a lot easier if you try and help the adults. And if they see you trying to help, they're going to make your life easier, too. So I just think that's a great question. How can I make life better for others? Are you lifting them up or are you bringing them down? 

Mike Bonelli [11:52 - 12:35]: So, one of my favorite guests we've had on recently is Megan Bozack. And she said this, and it will resonate. I'll use it in every time I speak to a group of young men and ladies about their impact in the locker room. Just be a good person. Just come in and you will make an immediate impact on your team. Your coaches will appreciate it, parents will appreciate it, adults will appreciate it. But that's how you know you want to make an impact. Come in, be a good person. Be a cheerleader, you know, be somebody that is on board and not. Not that you can't question things and you can't push back, but just be a really good person and things. It's amazing how good things will work out for you on a team. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [12:35 - 14:34]: You know, again, Mike, I had a kid. His name is Nico, and I really remember this kid. I've coached him for a few years, and I coached a lot of kids. I'm not shutting all them away. But the reason I bring up him is because he always went out of his way to pick up pucks, to shake hands, to be a good leader, to be a good friend. You know what? You want to help that kid. Not that I don't want to help the other kids, but you actively want to help that kid, you know, it makes a difference in terms of, you know, if he's struggling, you want to be right there for him and help him again. You do that for all the kids. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that, like, his attitude definitely changes the perception of how you coach that kid. So how can I make my life better for others? The next question, and this is one you got to think about, how do I become a person of value? The reason I love this question, especially for the young hockey players parents, you can apply this to yourself throughout the season as well. How do I become a person of value? This is a tough conversation that coaches have to have with players at almost every level. Well, the player will say, well, I'm a power forward. I'm a scoring winger, and you got to tell that player that's what you want to be, all right? And really, depending on the age level, this is a different conversation. You have to be able to adapt to what the team needs and provide value. I always tell young players, Mike, always, there's plenty of goal scorers in youth hockey. Are you the player that can become the playmaker that can pass the puck to that goal scorer and become an extremely valuable teammate because you can move the puck. Are you a defensive forward that you're going to shut down the other team? You might not score a lot, but you play that two way game, right? Are you the defenseman that can help that goaltender out and make sure that that puck's not in the crease? Are you the goaltender that lifts the team up? Are you the goaltender on the bench that's cheering the team on? Create value. It does not go unnoticed. How do I become a person of value? It's a great question to ask yourself. 

Mike Bonelli [14:35 - 15:50]: Yeah, and I think you can really sum it up, too, in my background, and then the people I've talked to and the kids I've worked with is, if you want to, if you want to provide value, be versatile. And if you could be versatile, you could be everything for me. You could be the, you could be the, you know, you could be the hype guy. You could be the, the mean kid. You could be the, you know, the. The kid that is going to go out and, you know, maybe you're a goal scorer, whatever, and, you know, out there and you block the first shot of the game or you take a big hit or you, you know, make a great clearing play by, you know, sacrificing yourself a little bit. Be versatile, be, you know, be again and again. This is not going back to, like, some of this other stuff that we want players to be. For a coach, this is not to be, like, a butt kisser and a teacher's pet. This is like, just do the things that are going to make everyone's life easier. It will help you. There is no doubt in my mind. I mean, it's very few people that can look and say, wow, this guy's so valuable to me. Why? Because they're giving me. Because that person's giving me more ends than butts. Like, enli does that. Enli does this. Enli does that. Nothing. Oh, but Lee. Oh, but this. Or but that. Right? So give me more ends and buts, and you're going to be a value to my team. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:50 - 18:39]: Yeah. You know, one of my favorite roles on a team when I was in youth hockey was I had a coach that I think really saw the different aspects of my personality and my ability, and he would come to me in games and say, hey, listen, I need an energy shift from you, and I know you know how to do that, or I need a defensive shift from you. Um, he saw the value, and. And in doing so, and the reason I'm bringing this up, it's not to pat myself on the back. It's a. He allowed me to see that value of wow. He trusts me to do this. Players, you want to be in that position. You want to be in that position where the coach sees the value and knows what you can do. And, look, if you're a goal scorer, that's a value, too, right? It just. It comes down to figuring out what you need to do and filling in that value. So, again, how do I become a person of value? And then, Mike, building off that next question, what value do I have that can be shared with others? So the first one is, how do I become a person of value? I think this one's a little bit more about identifying the things that you have that are value. So, again, what value do I have that can be shared with others? If you're a great goal scorer, are you helping the kids on your team, your teammates, become a better shooter? Are you, as kind of Mike alluded to earlier, are you keeping that to yourself at the top, top levels? These guys share everything with each other. They're curious, they ask great questions. They want to learn about shots. I remember reading an article in the athletic years ago. I can't remember the player's name, but it was. It was a. It was. He was the first year in the NHL, and he realized everyone shot differently than he shot and he was shocked and so he started asking questions and he started realizing this is actually where tow drag release started, I think, at this article. But the idea was that he was curious and he asked questions. If you have value and you have a skillset that another player is open to learning about, teach them the best example I have real quick, Mike, if your team has a great goaltender as a coach, you should tell that goaltender, we're going to do a lot of shooting drills on you because it's going to help our players become better goal scores. And you tell your goal scorers or your players, we have the best goalie in the league. We have a really good goalie. We're going to challenge this so you can learn how to shoot. And then conversations, hey, how come I can't score on you? Well, I mean, that's not, that's not a comfortable conversation always, but you're leading this way and you're giving yourself away. If you don't do this, you'll score. That sharing of value as teammates is so valuable for the team. The learning team wins. I mean, that you'll get better and better. The toughest thing to watch as a coach, I think Mike, for me is a team plateau, like halfway through the season. And usually it's because the learning stops. It's not cause they're not getting better or they've reached their peak in youth hockey. It's cause they're not talking, they're not teaching, and it's just gotten stagnant. The best hockey you want to be playing is at the end of the season. 

Mike Bonelli [18:40 - 19:55]: Yeah. I mean, there's so much that you can do with, with, you know, as a player, you also have to have great reflection ability and have a conversation about what are you good at? Like where are your strengths? And as you get older, you know, as a player, you're going to start not trying to reinvent the things you're not good at, but you're going to try more and more to excel at the things you are good at. And that's because everybody, every player on a team, the great thing about ice hockey, right, is it's a team game and there's a lot of roles to be played and we can't have, you know, 16 1st line centermen just can't have it. So what, where, you know, when you, when you identify your own value, embrace that value, not at eight and nine. I, you know, listen, there's a lot to learn. You know, it's, it's, it's more when you get to a, you know, when you get to puberty and you get to, like, twelve and 13 and 14, it's a hard. It's very hard to change your game, but you can excel at the things you are good at, and I think that is where your value really comes in. Um, and. And you could help your teammates, because ultimately, if you understand your value and you understand your limitations, you don't understand what you're able to do, you know? Now a coach can build a team around that. 

Lee MJ Elias [19:55 - 20:12]: And, Mike, let's just say for the eight that, you know, you ate down, right? Eight u, eight, whatever it is, if you're eight years or younger, I think you'll agree with me. The value, parents, is cultivating that love of the game. All right? That. That's what you want to build at that age. 

Mike Bonelli [20:12 - 20:44]: Yeah, there's. There's no toe drag release. And who cares? Nobody cares about the value. And it really doesn't translate. It doesn't. I mean, people think. Think it does. It just doesn't so value the fact that you love coming to the rank. Your son or daughter loves coming to the rank. They beg you to go play hockey, the greatest thing and. Or any sport, whatever that is, and embrace that time. Don't, don't, don't. Don't beat out a passionate player by. By forcing them to, you know, present some kind of a value that's not there yet. 

Lee MJ Elias [20:44 - 21:03]: Yeah, it's funny, Mike. In my years in hockey now, I think the most comforting thing I've ever heard my kids say from a hockey standpoint is, dad, why don't we play it again? Like, when are we getting back on the ice? That's the most comforting thing I think I've heard as a hockey person. Right. Because it means, hey, they really are enjoying this. Or the, hey, you guys want to skate today? 

Mike Bonelli [21:03 - 21:04]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [21:04 - 22:12]: Like, I get that a lot now, too. That's pretty awesome. All right, we're almost. This is question six now, so we're kind of at the midpoint. This one's a little different. Before I asked, what problems can I turn into opportunities. This one's a little different. What did I do today to make myself a better person or player than I was yesterday? So this one's very present. I'm going to read it one more time. What did I do today to make myself a better person or player than I was yesterday? You'll notice also I said person and player, they coincide. You want to be working at that. Kids have a lot going on in their lives. A lot and I try and ask my kids about, what did you learn today? What'd you fail at today? It's a question I ask pretty regularly, actually. You mentioned that earlier, Mike, that in our team meetings, and I'm not just talking about hockey, we like to review failures. What did we all fail at? So we can all learn. That's the opportunity aspect of this. But then there's the action. What did I do today to make myself a better person or player than I was yesterday? It might be the same thing you did yesterday if you're trying to learn something new, or it might be something new, but if you don't ask the question, you most likely won't take the action. 

Mike Bonelli [22:14 - 23:56]: Yeah. And every successful coach or player or high performance person that I've been associated with in my whole life would. Would come back 95% of the time, would attribute it to them doing some type of journaling or some type of documentation or some type of, you know, metric king, of where they are and where they're going. Like, if you're just winging it every day, some people could be successful that way. I get it. But for a kid, for a player and coaches, you could do this with all your players. Like, you could actually. You could actually help all your players do this, right? Is, am I. What am I doing today and what is my goal tomorrow? And did I accomplish that goal and get better and those kind of little things that you can do as a player now you have the access. I mean, if you're a player that has a cell phone, just build it in your notes folder, just be able to reflect back on it and have a benchmark to hit and be able to say, wow, I wanted that. I tried this, and I got that. Or I didn't get that. You know, as Wally Kozak would say, right. You don't, you never fail. You learn, and, you know, and I think that's, you know, you win and you learn, and then if you learn, hopefully you're on the goal to winning. But again, without. Without some guardrails in there or without some guidance and parents, you can help with this. And, you know, I've tried. You know, again, not everybody takes to it. I get it. But in my experience, the people that seem to be high performers, the. And they don't even talk about it, right? It's kind of like, it's not something. It's not a badge honors, like, oh, look what I do. It's like they just do it to stay on track and keep themselves, you know, in a good place. And know where they're at. Like, you, like, how do you know if you're accomplishing something if you didn't know what you were trying to accomplish in the first place? 

Lee MJ Elias [23:57 - 26:31]: Right. And, you know, I always like to say, if you don't know where you're going, how are you gonna get there? Like, you're gonna go all over the place. Right. So, Mike, I actually liked your metaphor. Like, the kind of the bumpers and bowling a little bit. Right. We do those so you don't get in the gutter. Right. And then when you get enough skill sets, then you bowl without them because you know how to go kind of go down the line. You know how to go straight. Um, the other thing, too, is that building off what you said. I forget the exact stat, but it's something like people that write out their goals have an 80% chance, more chance of accomplishing them. Right. It's like, this is a well known stat. Excuse me. I just think it's one of those things of helping your kids have a goal, whether it's a little goal or a big goal. You know, a lot of kids say, I want to play in the NHL, and I will never tell a kid, that's a stupid goal. All right? What I will tell a kid is that's. That's awesome. I love that you have big dreams. Now, what are the steps we can take along the way to get you towards that goal? And I'll also tell them, nothing's guaranteed. You got to work hard. A lot of people work hard and don't make it, but that doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing. Right. But, but again, what did I do today to make myself a better person player than I was yesterday? We're going to talk about this on this week's ride of the rink. A lot of what you do in the present and that patience you have to display is what builds the payoff later on the years and years of work. All right, final five questions. These are kind of rounding back out towards you as a person now. All right? These are pretty important, I think, for everybody, Mike, and I'm going to start it. I'm going to lead the final five with this. What is the one thing that matters most to me now? You might think the answer is hockey. Hockey's the most. Well, okay, that, yes, we all love hockey. My answer to this is easy. It's my family that is the most important thing in the world to me. It is important, I believe, coaches and parents, to remind your kids that while hockey is amazing and one of the greatest things on the planet. I firmly believe that it's not the only thing that defines who they are. It can be tough for a kid at seven. 8910, 1112 and up to think that way. But I think that's why it's so important you say it. Hey, listen, son, daughter, you're a hockey player. You're my son. Or daughter, you're a student, you're a great musician, you're a good friend. You got to say these things, right? So they know that there's something surrounding them. Ask them, what is the one thing that matters most to me? And, look, if they say hockey, fine. Right? Identify that, because that's parents. They're giving you the driving force. They're giving you the answer of how to get what you want, right? What is the most important thing? Or, I'm sorry, what is the one thing that matters most to me? You'll see why I'm asking that, Mike, because identifying that leads to the next four questions. 

Mike Bonelli [26:32 - 26:48]: Yeah. And again, you don't know that unless you ask those questions, and I think so. And then parents, if you have little. Little kids and little players, you know, ask those questions and get, you know, it doesn't have to be the same. It's probably not gonna be the same answer every week. It's just. It's just start out somewhere. Okay. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:48 - 26:48]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [26:48 - 27:28]: You know, just start out somewhere and. And, you know, have an opportunity to have those conversations, and it leads to other conversations. I mean, so, again, also, I think helps you, going back to that guardrail analogy, that it also helps you understand what your kids value. Think, oh, my God. Well, this is who I am. Well, let's figure out that that's not really who you are and what's important to you is this. I'm not going to tell you what's important to you, but let me tell you why I think these things are important, and then you could determine and weigh which is more important, like, you know, eating and sleeping and things like that. Those are important things to do. 

Lee MJ Elias [27:28 - 27:53]: Yeah. And, Mike, to your point, like, you know, I'm just thinking of this now that you're saying it, the messages we give our kids, you know, I think we all say, look, I'm driving you to practice. I'm paying for this. I'm doing this. You know, I. The time I sacrifice, I'm going away from work. Well, if you're ten years old, I'm trying to, like, think about this like a ten year old. Well, I'm. You're telling them, well, this hockey thing is pretty, pretty important. You know what I mean? And. And it is. 

Mike Bonelli [27:53 - 27:53]: Don't. 

Lee MJ Elias [27:53 - 28:45]: I'm not saying it's not, but the messaging we give those kids kind of helps craft what they're thinking and how it's going to be important. Anytime you see a kid with road rage, they didn't learn that. They don't drive. You taught them. That must be important. All right, what is the one thing that matters most to me? Building into these next questions when you have identified that or something important to you? This is a big question. This is a good question. What is the single biggest time waster in my life, and what am I doing about it? So we've all been there with our kids where we say, God, turn the tv off. Turn the screen off. Don't do this. It's a waste of time, kids. I love it. I'm doing it. Well, it's easy for them to say that when you don't have the backing of. Well, hey, listen, we talked about this, and you said that this thing is really important to me. So if hockey is really important to you or whatever. Music, whatever. 

Mike Bonelli [28:45 - 28:46]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [28:47 - 29:21]: Tell me why this is a waste of time, or tell me why we should reduce the time. But this question helps you identify what is the single biggest time waster of my life, and what am I doing about it? I just saw a presentation, Mike, last week. I'm going to try and bring this person on our podcast. Her name is Larissa Mills, and she talked about cell phone usage or just screen usage, and she really equated it to, you spend more time on your phone than you do practicing and playing hockey. And by. By miles, like. And they have the stats to prove it. You know, you might spend, on average, five, 6 hours on your phone each day where you're not practicing. Right. But you might spend. 

Mike Bonelli [29:21 - 29:22]: You're watching other people practice. 

Lee MJ Elias [29:23 - 30:26]: Right? Right. And she really equates it to like, well, let's. Let's think about this, right? If it's really important, you need to be doing action. I'm not saying screen time is bad. I like playing video games. I like watching tv with my kids. It's. Is it a time waster to what your goals are? Mike? I think it leads right into the next question. I'm just going to get it right here. So, because I think our answers are going to go to this, the next question is, what am I willing to sacrifice for the things I want? Now, again, these are different questions. One is identifying what is a time waster and then is the, what am I willing to sacrifice for the things I want? This could go a lot of different directions. It could be screen time. It could be bad food. It could be other things that are not worth your time. Right. So what are you willing to sacrifice? And again, this plays into discipline, Mike. Right. Discipline is sacrificing things that you want in the short term for the payoff later on. You don't need to eat that extra Oreo, Mike. Or maybe you do. I don't know. When dabbles is fast, you can eat a lot more oreos. 

Mike Bonelli [30:26 - 32:11]: So I had the opportunity to sit down. I mean, literally just happened two days ago, right? Sitting down, have a cup of coffee with a yemenite, Ivy League recruiter, you know, somebody that works with, you know, going out and finding the best, you know, student athletes they can find, and a very, you know, unique group of student athletes at that. And the sacrifice piece comes up all the time because everybody wants to play division one college hockey, right? Like, there's not, there's not any going again and. Or any college hockey. I mean, we could. Those. Those stats are crazy, right? That, like, if you get to even that level, even in our game, right. If you get to a good high school player, it's very elite. Like, you're already. You're already playing at a very. That's a top five level. You know, when you look at. When you look. When you look at, like, your, your, your beginning might program, and then you can project that out over, you know, 20 years from now, and you're like, oh, my God, none of those kids play hockey anymore. But I think that that sacrifice piece is really what, what sports is all about. It's like, what are you going to give up to get this or any, you know, anything you want to excel at, you have to give something up, right? You know, there's very few people that don't have to give anything up. Like, you know, Tom Brady has to get, you know, he gave up a certain diet, right? He gave up certain things that he does doesn't eat. And people like, oh, that's ridiculous. I go, yeah, but you're not Tom Brady. Like, so who do you want to be? And what will you sacrifice? And then what is the level of that sacrifice? I mean, you know, it's a, it's. It is a tough question because, you know, it's, it's, it's almost like the test where, you know, they, they gave kids like a, like a candy bar or something, and they'd say, okay, well, you can have it right now. Or you could have two candy bars in 3 hours. Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:11 - 32:12]: Intelligence test. 

Mike Bonelli [32:12 - 32:15]: Yeah, whatever. And then they just say, okay, okay, I'll wait. I'll wait. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:16 - 32:17]: It was the marshmallow test. 

Mike Bonelli [32:17 - 33:36]: I love this. I can wait. I can wait. So it's. It's, it's. But that. I love that kind of stuff. Is it really? As a coach, I want the kid that's going to sacrifice for me as a parent, I want the kid that's going to be rational about it and be like, okay, well, you don't have to give up everything. I mean, isn't that a little extreme? Like, and I probably. And I fight my inner, like, the coaches, like, asking you to do this, it's like, wow, that's a big commitment. Like, that's a little crazy. And the co. And as the coach, I'm like, I need crazy. Like, I need you to commit to me. So it's. There's a lot of these pieces of where you have to juggle and figure out, what is that sacrifice? What does it mean to me? What's it worth to me? And after everything's said and done, is it gonna pan out? Who the hell knows? It most likely won't. Like, like, after all of that, what life is telling us in the sport is it won't work out, right? So you need to determine with your kids where that level is and then find rational ways to do it throughout and get to the result that I guess you want to have. But the cool thing about all this, right, is sometimes what you think is the results you wanted. Something else happens, and you're like, thank God that happened, because I love this. 

Lee MJ Elias [33:36 - 37:15]: Right? You know, if. If Christy was here, she would talk about her kids, and we always talk about the ROI of youth hockey, Mike. And, you know, her daughter just started law school, and her son had just moved, I believe, to New England to work at a very high position. And she always references that hockey taught them these life skills that they're using now in their careers. And the pride, I think this is one of those things that is tough while you're in the middle of the journey, but the pride that she shares for her children and their hockey journey leading to this, you can feel it, the episode, you can feel it when she speaks about it. That's another reason why it's important to identify parents, too. What's important to you? We talk about sacrifice here, Mike. Every hockey parent from September to April sacrifices friends outside of hockey. You don't talk to them. You don't know them, they don't exist for that six to eight month period. You have your hockey family. Sometimes you love them, sometimes you hate them. Then the summer comes around and you reemerge and people go, where have you been? And you go, my kids play hockey. Our kids play hockey. All right, two more questions left. We've got just under ten minutes. I'm going to do this one next. What is the single most important thing I can do to improve the quality of my life? Now, the last question we asked about is about sacrifice, and we talked about identifying things that are important to you. Quality of life is a little bit different, right? If you're sacrificing too much and your quality of life goes down, that's actually not a good thing. Mike, you were just alluding to that, right? Like, kids got to be kids. You got to let them be kids. I'm not expecting my ten year old to sacrifice being ten to become the next Henrik Lundquist. Right? That's not what my goal is. Right. Even if he wants that goal, that's not my goal. I want to be a kid. Right? So improving the quality of life, what is the single most important thing I can do to improve the quality of my life? I think in youth hockey and youth sports in general, Mike? Um, I mean, this is the only question I'm going to give kind of an answer to. You know, I think every other question we've answered is, you know, exploratory, and you have to be curious and create your owns, but really tapping into your mental psyche and just seeing where you're at. Are you doing anything for your mental fitness as a coach, as an adult, as a kid, you know, this. The amount of opportunities I'm getting now as a mental fitness coach is skyrocketing because people are really starting to realize this is an important part of not just hockey, but just becoming a productive human being. So I think that quality of life tap into your mental state. Hey, how are you? I'm asking all of you listening, how are you? Are you stressed? Are you, are you not sleeping? Are you having a hard time? Are you doing great? Wherever you are at in that spectrum, it's important to ask yourself, what can you do to improve your quality of life? Sometimes it may feel like. And players I'm talking to you, too, might feel like there's nothing I can do. All right. There's almost always something you can do. I know it feels like there's nothing you can do, but that's why it's important to ask the question. If you don't ask this question, you will not find solutions. All right? And that's why it's important to ask these questions. Sometimes the answer might not happen, like snap of the finger. Sometimes you have to ask yourself this a few times. And Mike, you know how it works. Sometimes you'll ask yourself, oh, there's nothing I could do. Well, well, if I did this little thing, if I did this little thing, it might help, right? Your, your ego kind of comes out to play a little bit. But I'm gonna say the question one more time for you, Mike. What is the single most important thing I can do to improve the quality of my life? 

Mike Bonelli [37:16 - 37:20]: Yeah. And I think outside of the mental piece, obviously, which is very important, reflecting. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:20 - 37:22]: On that just one aspect for sure. 

Mike Bonelli [37:22 - 39:02]: Yeah. Is just, you know, what, like, what are you doing? Is it every night after practice, Taco Bell? Is it, you know, are you never getting any sleep? Do you know you could get your homework done, you're choosing not to like, and then it's causing stress about, you know, okay, now you can't go to practice. Well, you're not, you're not hurting me. I don't want to go to practice. Like, like, so, like, there's all kinds of, there's all, there's a lot of reflection going on. And I think this comes down to parents and kids. And the reason that these podcasts are so fun is because we get to have those conversations and maybe inspire somebody, actually talk about it and have the conversation and bring it up and say, I actually could change that. I could probably have a talk with my eleven year old and talk it out and figure it out and see where he or she is at. So you can do it. It's just, there's the will and a want and a knowledge and a desire to do it and not make excuses. And then if not, you just the old, you know, you get what you get and you don't get upset. Right? So it's just, it's just, you just, you could choose not to do those things. But again, you know, that, that the mental health piece is, I think it's funny. It's, it's so funny how we talk about this all the time and how it's so bad, but yet we keep doing all the things to make it worse that, you know, and we're, all of us in the industry, like, we just keep saying this is a terrible thing. We should get, you know, help for this. But. Yeah, but everything you're doing is causing it. Like, and you're embracing it and you're embracing it. So that's all. That's a whole nother episode. But. But the bottom line is, yeah, just, I think. I think really, you know, figure out what you can do to. To make yourself, you know, in a better place. Healthier. Healthier. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:02 - 42:54]: It's a whole other podcast. It's not even a whole other episode, but, yeah, I'm with you. All right, we're down to question eleven here. This is the last question. Simple question. Simple question, but an important 01:00 a.m. i. A thoughtful and careful listener. So I'm going to read that one more time. Am I a thoughtful and careful listener, Mike? I'm a host. I'm a coach, I'm a speaker. I talk a lot. Talk a lot. And one of the things I'm always trying to work on is being a more thoughtful and careful listener. People can tell when you are just waiting for your turn to speak and you're not really listening to what they're saying. Kids naturally have an issue with this because kids want to tell you everything that they know. They're excited about it. And one of the things I work on with my teams, Mike, is listening and trying to listen. Parents, this is a huge one for your kids. We all have that time where our kids just a little more irritable than normal, and they annoy us and we get angry with them. And I'm trying to be better at kind of picking up on those signs and saying to my kids, hey, look, there's something going on, like, outside of the house, right? And then I just listen, you know, look, first inclination, as, even as a husband, not even just a parent, is to try and help and fix and give, give solutions. As a coach, that's literally what we're supposed to do. Sometimes people just need you to listen. Um, I, again, I'm not great at that. I'm working on it. I'm trying to. I'm making myself more vulnerable here. Like, I am not anywhere near where I want to be with that skill set, but I'm constantly working on it. And when it comes to my spouse or my kids listening and then kind of rounding this episode out, Mike, asking them a great question will help them come to a great answer or solution. Sometimes we know the answer as adults, well, if you just did this, this will happen. But if you ask them a great question, like, hey, what can you do today to help make that better? Tomorrow, they'll probably give you an answer or ask for help, but then they have ownership over it. When I coach. It is far more valuable if the kids can come up with the answer, even if I know the answer, than if I just give it to them. Why do we need to pass more? Why does it not make sense to go one on four? Well, I'm going to get beat, right? Let me show you some things to help you with that. We don't do this enough in society in general. Everybody wants to tell you why they're right and you're wrong. Okay? It's another big problem that we're having. We're heading towards an election. You all know what I'm talking about. No politics here. Am I a thoughtful and careful listener? Last thing I'll say, Mike, and I'm going to throw it to you on this. Everybody knows I'm a big Ted Lasso fan. One of the best quotes to come out of that from Walt Whitman. Be curious, not judgmental. All right. This is not one of the eleven questions. This is a bonus question, right? Be curious, not judgmental. It's a statement. When I approach any situation with curiosity over judgment, a, I almost always learn something. Doesn't mean I will agree with the other person, but I will always learn something about them or why they think the way that they do. And then, b, I take something with me that I can apply later on. Again, not going into politics here, but the idea is you naturally, at this time of year, disagree with somebody else. The question is, do you know what it is and why they stand for what they stand for? Are you curious about that or you just, there's no way I'll ever agree with you on that. That's fine. Are you curious about why they think that way? Because the answer may surprise you. So again, am I a thoughtful and careful listener? You will open the world to yourselves if you can learn to listen and be curious and ask great questions. Mike, I appreciate you thoughtfully and listening carefully, listening to what I just said there. Do you have any thoughts on this? 

Mike Bonelli [42:54 - 42:56]: You done yet? You just get done. 

Lee MJ Elias [42:56 - 43:00]: It's exactly what I was thinking. I was like, man, I'm talking a lot. I'm doing it again. Go ahead, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [43:02 - 45:59]: So one of the, well, so as you're speaking about this, one of the things that came up, if you're a coach in USA hockey, I'm not as confident to speak on behalf of Hockey Canada, but definitely Europeans in the naming countries, what they've done in the last like 5610 years is changed their model from teaching systems and x's and O's and concepts and more educating coaches on how to ask questions to get an answer out of them, out of a player. And I think that. I think one of the. It's the hardest thing because professionals need to do, like. Like, it's really the role of a professional to do that, right? Like, a bunch of dads and moms are like, oh, my God. Like, that's a heavy concept to pull information out of a child as opposed to giving them the answers. Like, isn't it just easier for me to give them the answers, like, so? Because then I can get my job done. It looks better. Like, it looks like they know what they're doing. Doesn't look like chaos out here. I think that's one of the most, easily the most universal changes in teaching in USA hockey and USA lacrosse. And now the other sports are following and is the concept of listening, allowing the player to find the skill and find the technique and figure it out and guide that person, as opposed to, this is how you have to do it. Why? I'm just telling you, like, when I was coach, I just did what I was told. I get probably the wrong, was the worst. I'm like, why would I do that? I never said, like, why would I do it? If I said that, my father would slap me across the head. Like, don't ask why you're doing it. Just get down the boards and do it. Your coach is telling you to do it. And that's where we have. We've. Hopefully, a lot of us have evolved now. Some of us haven't, but a lot of us have evolved and gotten to the point where you have to ask and pull information out of kids as opposed to giving it to them, making it the easy road, making an easy concept, whether they understand it or not. Like, so they're not really. You're not. You're not learning. They're doing, and they're. They have a technique, but they don't understand why they're doing it or how they even got there. And that's what the beauty about where we are now as coaches and parents and facilitators of youth hockey. And then I think in a player, we want you to ask questions. I want you to ask me why, and I want you. Then you need to be a good listener. You can't then just say, okay, okay, I'm going to do it. Don't worry about it. Like, you. You as a player have to say, if I'm going to ask the question and I want an answer, then I need to now open up and not be like, but, but like, you're already speaking about why you think you're wrong. And I think it goes both ways. But again, we're supposed to be the adults in the room, so maybe the adult can, can foster that a little bit. A little bit better than the, than the nine year old. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:59 - 46:03]: You done yet? Just easy. No, Mike, that was. 

Mike Bonelli [46:03 - 46:05]: Caitlin muted me a while ago, but that's okay. 

Lee MJ Elias [46:06 - 47:43]: That was really good. No, Mike, I love the way, actually you said that because I think he gave a lot of perspective there into just how everybody thinks on this one. But the thing you're saying, too, is we got to teach them to think. You got to teach these kids to think critically and ask great questions. And it's actually a great way to round out the episode because we're out of time. But the idea is this, look, teach them to be curious. Teach them to ask great questions. It's how you create courage. It's courageous to me when a young kid asks a question, hey, I don't know this. Can you help me? That's courage to me. Right? And these eleven questions here, put them in your leadership toolbox. Put them in your kid toolbox because they're questions from high performers and positive difference makers. That's what we're trying to create here. We say it every episode. Great people become great players. Either way, you should be a great person. Right? It's not just about you or them. It's about all of us together in that ecosystem. But it does start with leading ourselves. So again, these eleven questions, the curiosity behind them. Great questions demand great answers. Encourage yourself, your coaches, your kids to ask questions like these. I'm not going to go through every one of them again. We will post them on, on the website. We will post them on social media along with this podcast. But Mike, this was fun. Eleven great questions there. Imagine if every team applied these and shared these or had something where they could, could answer these on a piece of paper or something like that. Eleven great questions every hockey player should ask themselves. Mike, always a pleasure doing business with you. 

Mike Bonelli [47:44 - 47:47]: Yeah, it's great. And I'm going to go tell a bunch of kids what to do right. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:47 - 48:42]: Now, actually, Mike's literally jumping on the ice after this show that's going to do it for this edition of our kids play Hockey. Thanks, Mike Bonelli, obviously, for being here today. I'm Lee Elias. We'll see you on the next episode. Make sure you hear all the episodes wherever you listen to podcast, our kidsplayhockey.com, or if you want to join in the conversation, head over Facebook. Join the our kids play hockey Facebook group, where the conversation continues. But without any further ado, we want you to have a great day, great weekend, great hockey. We'll see you soon. Skate on. We hope you enjoyed this edition of our kids play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kidsplayhockey.com. also, make sure to check out our children's book when hockey stops at when hockeystops.com. it's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game, game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our kids play hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode.