June 29, 2024

3 Signs Of Burnout And The Steps To Avoid It

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

In this episode of Our Kids Play Hockey, Lee Elias, Christie Casciano Burns, and Mike Bonelli tackle a critical topic for hockey parents and coaches alike: burnout. Is your young athlete losing their passion for the game? Are they showing signs of exhaustion and lack of enthusiasm? Today, we delve into the three main signs of burnout in youth hockey players and provide actionable steps you can take to help them recover their love for the sport.

Episode Highlights:

1.How To Identify Burnout

2.Personal Experiences

3.Preventing Burnout

4.Parental Burnout

5.The Importance of Expanding Interests

Key Takeaways:

•Burnout can manifest in different ways, and it’s crucial to recognize the signs early.

•Open communication with your child about their feelings towards hockey is essential.

•Taking regular breaks from hockey can prevent burnout and reignite passion for the game.

•Encouraging other interests and activities can help your child develop a balanced life.

•Parents also need to be mindful of their own burnout and manage it effectively.

Thank you for joining us for this important discussion. Remember, the goal is to keep hockey fun and enjoyable for everyone involved. If you have any thoughts, questions, or personal experiences to share, please reach out to us at team@ourkidsplayhockey.com. We love hearing from our community and are here to support you through your hockey journey!

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00:52 - Recognizing Signs of Hockey Burnout

06:58 - Preventing Hockey Burnout Through Balance

12:05 - Navigating Youth Sports Challenges

18:37 - Recognizing Signs of Child Hockey Burnout

25:17 - Hockey Burnout and Finding Balance

35:40 - Parental Concerns

40:40 - Recognizing Signs of Teenage Burnout

45:00 - Teenage Choices and Consequences

48:36 - Recognizing Signs of Hockey Burnout

55:39 - Parental Guidance to Prevent Hockey Burnout

01:01:38 - Building Resilience Beyond Hockey

WEBVTT

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Hello hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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I'm Lee Elias, joined by Christy Casciano-Burns and Mike Benelli, and I'm wearing an orange shirt today.

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Mike is outside because he has no power and Christy is in her beautiful home right now with an R9 sign behind her.

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for those who are not listening, that's because those who are not listening, you're on the air.

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We're all on the.

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I have an on the air sign behind me too, for those who don't listen again, you can watch all these shows on YouTube if you didn't know that.

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But I'm wearing orange as kind of a warning sign today.

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This is typically the color you see people wear outside as a heads up right Heads up as people work in here, because today's topic is three signs your kid is burnt out or burning out and what you can do about it.

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So, basically, what we're going to do on the show today as we do, we're going to go around the horn, around the table and kind of discuss different signs of burnout.

00:00:58.350 --> 00:01:06.153
In hockey it's something that we talk about a lot in the game, but I don't think we recognize the signs a lot within the game as coaches, as parents.

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I think sometimes kids don't even realize they're burning out.

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I think it's easier to notice as an adult, especially when you've had kids that haven't slept in six or seven years, but when you're 13, 14, 15 years old or even younger than that, sometimes you might not know you're burnt out.

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You might just think this is a normal thing and maybe not even be able to vocalize it that you're tired and you need a break or you need to stop.

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So today's topic once again, three signs your kid is burnt out and what you can do about it.

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I'm going to throw this right over to Christy Cascio and Burns.

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Christy, both of your kids have gone through the hockey journey right.

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They have now out of college.

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They're in the real world.

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Maybe we should start by asking were there ever times they were burnt out before pulled them out, said no, you got to take a break enough.

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And that was always a good move, because I think that when they're young like that and they're eager and they want to learn everything they can about something they're so passionate about, they're going to want to keep going.

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So I think it was good for us to pull them out and get them interested in other things.

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They did karate in the summertime, lacrosse, and sometimes we just did nothing.

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Those were the best memories.

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We would just do a barbecue, watch the kids out in the front yard we had a hockey net and they would shoot on the basketball hoop hockey net.

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Just have fun as a family and do absolutely nothing scheduled.

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It was so good and I think that helped keep them from burning out.

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But I have seen kids who do burn out and sometimes the signs are really obvious.

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They're showing all of a sudden a lack of interest in something that they're really passionate about.

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You got to drag them to practice.

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They're making excuses or even they're so hard on themselves that they never think that they're good enough, that they're not performing to the level that they think everyone that they should be at.

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Some of the signs are obvious, some are not.

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You know, maybe all of a sudden they're getting really tired all the time, fatigue, extreme fatigue that could come from a lot of emotional and physical stress which can be a huge sign of burnout.

00:03:31.584 --> 00:03:32.628
You know, Christy, it's making some great points.

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First of all, I want to comment on the doing nothing thing that you said because I love it.

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Yeah, we've.

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We've.

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At this point of the summer when we're recording this, we've just entered into that with my family where there's nothing on the schedule, and what's funny about that is that there's a little voice in your head.

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Actually, it's like, oh, we should be planning something, we should be doing something, but then a little Christy Cash on Burns pops up on my shoulder and she goes you don't have to do anything.

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That's not how you sound, that's just how I'm doing it for the purpose of the show.

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But honestly, it's like look, the season's coming.

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We know that we just got done baseball no-transcript.

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Going to throw it to Mike in a minute.

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I think that the we're again at the end of the show.

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We're going to review all of these, like the signs of burnout.

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But the thing that you said, that's really important, kind of, as we even go deeper into the show, not all the signs of burnout are obvious, right.

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Some of them are very subtle, and I think that that's part of the show today is noticing those subtle signs like the kids tired all the time, right, and it's so easy for us as adults to go they're a kid, they'll be fine, they're not.

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They're not tired, they think they're tired.

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They don't even know what tired is.

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Yes, they do Right.

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And they're going through a growth spurt, right, and you know they need more sleep, right you?

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know, or I've seen it like kids of what's man toughen up, right, right, I'll tell myself that when I get out of bed in the morning to Mike, let's throw it to you.

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Christy gave a bunch of them there, but you're, you're heavily involved.

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Those mid-teen years it can be tough to tell, because there's a lot of things that are changing in a young boy or young girl's life at that time.

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That I don't want to say they become distractions, but they just grow up.

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Hockey might not be number one in their life.

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That doesn't mean they're burnt out, though, right, it just means life's coming right at them.

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So let's start there.

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I also want to get your thoughts on just generally as well I mean, I think christy makes a great point to begin the whole conversation that she avoided a lot of those burnout pieces because they did break in time, like just say, listen, this is just not something we're going to do every day and and it's um, you know so and we're talking from a hockey perspective, so we do know there's a, it's a it.

00:06:03.966 --> 00:06:06.713
Well, it used to be right, the longest season.

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Now it seems like every sport has their own long seasons.

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But you know, you're in your own season, you have to have a break.

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The burnout, I think the signs occur when, as much as we all want our kids to be the ones that wake up at 5 am and drag us out of bed and make us go to the rink and want us to go to training, the fact is there are many more kids than not that don't know how to say that like they don't know how to turn it off, they don't know how to tell mom and dad listen, I, you know where they feel bad, like you said, lee, like like, oh, I don't want to go today, and they almost feel like ashamed that they're saying that, right, and then the parents have the FOMO, right, and we get crazy because like, oh geez, if you're not training this week, like one week's going to affect the rest of their career, right, but I think that's just building it in, knowing that you got to look at your own child.

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Now, again, these aren't across the board.

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I've seen some kids and they literally are outside and every time I drive by their house they're shooting basketball, hockey, lacrosse, they're, and I never see a dad out there or a mom ever, and but that's that kid and you know down, if you could build in times, if and I'm not gonna say they're a good parent or bad parent, I don't know the parents, right, but I, if I look and say, well, I could probably get this guy out and let's go to, let's go to a movie, let's go to a play, let's go to another, let's go to a siblings event, let's go to somebody else's, you know, do something else or or try to, you know, get something else in their life.

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And I think we've talked about this a lot on the show.

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That doesn't involve improving your hockey ability, like if you say, if you're, if you're justifying that you don't want your kids to burn out, so you take them off the ice, but then you put them in like a taekwondo class to help them get better at hockey, then you're really just adding.

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You're just adding to the burnout.

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You're not, you're just distracting.

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One piece for another, and I think we all, I mean I get into it too, like, oh, piece for another, and I think we all, I mean I get into it too, like, oh, if you do that, that's going to help you with your hockey ability.

00:08:08.846 --> 00:08:09.535
Well, can I just do it, just to do it?

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Well, no, like, if, like, if I, if I tell, hey, we should go play tennis, why, oh, it'll really help you with hockey.

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Well, what do I care about that?

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Like, I just want to play tennis.

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So it's just a matter of just saying, you know, the burnout occurs.

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I think I listen, listen, when I grew up, you almost couldn't burn out because there was no options.

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Right, like, you just were off the ice.

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You do you talk to nhl players that are over the age of 40?

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There was no burnout.

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Why?

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Because they just wanted a choice.

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You, you didn't have the ability to play on the super select.

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You know, ccm invite in july just wasn't there.

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Um, it started creeping in, I think a little bit when I was in July.

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It just wasn't there.

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It started creeping in, I think, a little bit, when I was in college and going to high school and going to college.

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Then all of a sudden there's some summer showcase events, but I didn't train for them, you just got in the car, you showed up and you played.

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And now we've built in the system, has built in a year-round training environment which forces us to talk about how can we combat that, and each individual parent, I think you know, needs to take that personal responsibility to look at their kid.

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And I, you know, in a lot of ways it's kind of like having a.

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It's kind of like your kids getting phones right.

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If you had a group of people around you that didn't get their kids phones, it's a lot easier for you not to get a phone for your teenager.

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If you have a 12-year-old you want to get a phone for, then maybe have a bunch of their friends get a pack.

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I think it's the same way in hockey.

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If you can get your five or six families that are on your team to do other things other than hockey, it helps you not have to do hockey, right, and I think that for parents and kids right, I don't know yeah a lot of pressure comes, uh, from seeing other families do it, and then again it's that FOMO fear of missing out.

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Oh my gosh if my kid's not doing that, doing that power skating.

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Oh my geez, you see it all geez.

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You see it all the time.

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You see it all the time.

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Yeah, right, but we make that happen, right.

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What we're doing as hockey people are allowing that to happen because we fall into that trap.

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And I think, when we have to look at our kids and be like, like, like, I don't like my like.

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I don't know my kids.

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I think they're a lot like other kids, like you know, they'll, they'll go into, you know, macaroni and cheese month.

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They won't eat anything else.

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And then they're like oh no, I go.

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Oh yeah, I made macaroni and cheese.

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I don't like macaroni cheese.

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I like, uh, you know, I like ramen.

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Oh, okay, well, let's have, I don't like ramen anymore.

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Dad, I don't, you know anything about like.

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So it's like I don't know what the hell you like.

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So it's just like.

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It's just very similar to sports and hockey.

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It's just give the kids, give you know, let them take the lead.

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And if they they're, if they're ravenous about hockey and they're forcing you to take them, you know, I almost, I almost would say, well, you know, look at the discussion.

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Yeah, it's fine, but let's have a discussion about you know what you could do, because down the road, like Lise pointed out, they don't know when they're 12 and 13 that they're going to have all kinds of issues later on that are overuse injuries.

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That's our job as parents and as hockey directors and program administrators to make sure we're educating people and letting them know.

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A well-balanced kid Forget about if they're better at hockey.

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A well-balanced kid helps them.

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A well-balanced kid forget about they better at hockey.

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A well-balanced kid helps them be well balanced and ultimately, that want to look at it from our point of view.

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It helps you with hockey right, you do.

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You do have to be careful, especially with the early sports specialization, and it's not just hockey, but it's everywhere, and they're pushing these kids to be at levels that are beyond their maturity and what they can physically do.

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And that's playing with fire.

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Right there You're setting yourself up for your kid to get burned out.

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If you're pushing them, you know it's not coming from within.

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I mean, there are some kids and we've seen some of these NHL stars, we've had them on the show and they said no, I'm the one who drove it, I wanted to go to the rink and I'm out there shooting all that.

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But not all kids are like that.

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So you kind of have to know the balance.

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The problem is, too, we all want our kids to be that kid Like oh, I want my kid to be that kid.

00:12:25.080 --> 00:12:26.147
Well, he's not that kid I said he's not like that.

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That's going to be definitely one of the things we talk about on how to fix it.

00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:40.414
But you know, there's that Conor McDavid story that his mom had mentioned that when he was a young boy you know probably what 11, 12 years old, he couldn't understand why all his friends were playing video games.

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He couldn't understand it, like, why would they be playing video games when they could be practicing hockey?

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And his mom told him well, you know, connor, you're not like other kids.

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And she wasn't wrong, obviously right.

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He had an uncommon passion for the game.

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With that said, to Mike's point, you can't create that.

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It can only be cultivated.

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Right, it's right, 100 billion percent.

00:13:04.591 --> 00:13:07.033
Okay, use children terminology.

00:13:07.033 --> 00:13:12.707
If your kid is not obsessed with hockey, that's absolutely okay I?

00:13:13.809 --> 00:13:21.653
I sorry, lee, I will say one thing and I've said this I, I this is like the initial conversation I give with any kid or any parent that used to.

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You know we sit down and set up a lesson plan for the summer, like a development plan or a private lesson plan or a small group lesson plan, and I'm very adamant about the fact that people need to understand what you just said about Conor McDavid, the Bedard kid, taking his rollerblades to Hawaii and you know all this kind of stuff Like those are.

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That's not the norm and so, but you can eat.

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It's so hard to build that in but it's really easy to beat it out.

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And I think you know if you have a kid that shows a little bit of desire and you drive them more easier than a kid that loves to squirt themselves and can't get enough, and you cut them out a little bit Like no, no, no, we can't go seven days a week the likelihood is they're not, they're going to find other, they're going to find other vehicles to get that fix in.

00:14:15.149 --> 00:14:30.067
They're going to become an unbelievable you know a cook, or they're going to put their, their whole energy into reading, or they're you know, they'll find a way that that, that kid, that athlete, has that innate ability, because that's their outlet.

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But a kid that doesn't have that, you can't force it into it then that's where the.

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I think that's where the real burnout comes.

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That's where the resentment comes.

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That's where the burnout comes.

00:14:40.065 --> 00:14:47.485
That's what the that's where, like, I don't like doing this and unfortunately for all of us, we we find that out when our kids 17 years old like what the hell are you talking about?

00:14:47.779 --> 00:14:50.990
I just spent $4.2 million over the past 19 years.

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You know for you to be a hockey player, and what do you mean?

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You don't like it.

00:14:58.346 --> 00:15:01.570
I don't like it I just like it and it's hard for people to take that it's hard.

00:15:01.610 --> 00:15:06.576
I think it's hard for the kid to share that with you because they're so afraid of disappointing you.

00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:13.048
Well and think about it.

00:15:13.048 --> 00:15:18.222
Look, and parents, this is one of those situations you got to check yourself, right, if you listen to the show, you know I'm all about present moment and being in the present moment.

00:15:18.222 --> 00:15:25.673
But I hear parents say we're investing all this money and when you're 18, when you're 17, you really should not be approaching it like that.

00:15:25.673 --> 00:15:27.383
I mean, in my, that's my opinion.

00:15:27.383 --> 00:15:32.724
I got to say that, right, you're not making a long-term investment in your kid to just be a hockey player.

00:15:32.724 --> 00:15:37.445
The investment is to help them become a better person now and hopefully build some life skills for later on.

00:15:37.445 --> 00:15:44.783
But yeah, if, if you know, if you're, if you're telling your kids and they get look, follow me here, because the wording on this is important.

00:15:45.384 --> 00:15:53.469
I don't think there's anything wrong with making your kids aware hey, I'm making a significant investment so you can play this game and I need you to be aware of that.

00:15:53.469 --> 00:15:59.933
I don't have a problem with kids understanding that the money that we're earning is going towards helping you enjoy something.

00:15:59.933 --> 00:16:04.076
But I also hear parents say just, this is so expensive.

00:16:04.076 --> 00:16:05.177
Yo, I pay all this money for you.

00:16:05.177 --> 00:16:10.833
This money, it's so much money to play hockey and this is so expensive and you don't appreciate it.

00:16:10.854 --> 00:16:23.413
Well, if you get 10 years of that statement, you think your kid's going to want to tell you when they don't want to do this anymore, because now they've equated their entire worth in this game with the money that you're spending, when you're probably not really equating it to that.

00:16:23.413 --> 00:16:30.601
You probably, as a parent, get a lot of enjoyment out of your kids playing hockey, so you really got to tell them that and again, it's just about the wording.

00:16:30.601 --> 00:16:36.932
I want to invest this money because I know you enjoy playing and you can tell them it's a choice for you to keep playing.

00:16:36.932 --> 00:16:43.413
You don't have to do it forever if you don't want to do it, but know that I'm investing my dollars into allowing you to enjoy this game.

00:16:43.413 --> 00:16:44.716
I love you, no matter what.

00:16:45.619 --> 00:16:57.990
I don't hear that a ton right and I just I just hear that I just yelled it yesterday at my kid I, I just, I think it's like you know, because, because you're just like, listen, there's a lot of money.

00:16:57.990 --> 00:17:04.845
But I think if you could explain like this is why we're choosing this over there, right, right, this is why we're doing this over this, and if we do this, guess what?

00:17:04.845 --> 00:17:29.996
Oh, I'm dad, I want to be a better hockey player, okay, well, you know then, not that you have to prove it, but let's see you get through here first and then accomplish these goals, and then let's get you onto this, because the fact is, the hockey industry, like all sports industries at this point, will take advantage of that kid, will take advantage of that family, and we'll draw and we and you'll spend money that you don't need to spend because a lot of us just don't know, like we're, just, like I don't know, they're running it.

00:17:29.996 --> 00:17:31.125
They must know what they're talking about.

00:17:31.125 --> 00:17:32.525
They claim to be the experts.

00:17:32.846 --> 00:17:44.617
We'll just follow them, and that's where you're saying is that you know, I'm not equating your worth and the ROI of what I'm spending on you because I love you, and the ROI of what I'm spending on you because I love you.

00:17:44.617 --> 00:17:45.280
It's.

00:17:45.280 --> 00:17:52.867
We have a limited time in our lives with our families, and let's take the best of it by choosing the things that are going to help you.

00:17:52.867 --> 00:18:02.702
If, in fact, it's about development, if it's about socialness, it's about spending time in a hotel room more than on the ice, then you just have to make that choice as a family.

00:18:02.702 --> 00:18:05.887
Say, I don't know, I just like hanging out with a bunch of random strangers for the whole week.

00:18:06.409 --> 00:18:07.289
More than I like my family.

00:18:07.671 --> 00:18:13.722
That's fine and that's fine too, but I think it's you know, it's so weird.

00:18:13.722 --> 00:18:29.391
In hockey, christy, up in your area it's a little different because it's more regional and I think there's a lot of the kids in the school are on the teams, right right.

00:18:29.391 --> 00:18:31.416
But like I know where I am in a lot of other places, my son's on a team.

00:18:31.416 --> 00:18:33.442
He's not with one kid, that's within 40 miles of him.

00:18:33.442 --> 00:18:35.508
Yeah, same thing here.

00:18:35.508 --> 00:18:39.097
Only social piece is that they meet at the rink.

00:18:39.097 --> 00:18:42.065
Yeah, yes, hanging out outside the rink.

00:18:42.065 --> 00:18:43.047
So it's it.

00:18:44.289 --> 00:19:09.291
You know, you've got to weigh that and I think we've talked about that, about you know, chris, you said this a million times like when you choose your programs and buyer beware and do your research, that all comes into it and I think that does rightly equate to burnout at some point too, because getting in the car five hours extra a week and now never seeing the people within your own community, that causes burnout too, and unfortunately we don't see it until the crucial years of 13, 14, 15.

00:19:09.291 --> 00:19:13.928
But it really makes us more social and it's not like, hey, I arranged a play date for you.

00:19:13.928 --> 00:19:16.188
Like every six-year-old is arranging a play date for them.

00:19:16.188 --> 00:19:20.065
But when you're 13 and 14, they're arranging those things.

00:19:20.144 --> 00:19:24.090
And if your kid's like, oh, I want to go hang out with Christy and her family.

00:19:24.090 --> 00:19:26.693
We're not going back to there again.

00:19:26.693 --> 00:19:32.885
Like, that's true, I spent there five days last week Just FaceTime them, right?

00:19:32.885 --> 00:19:35.131
Yeah, jump to the computer and play them on.

00:19:35.151 --> 00:19:49.767
Fortnite, yeah, one of the other things, and I'm not sure if we can correlate it to burnout, but I can recall there was this one kid who had some real behavioral issues.

00:19:49.767 --> 00:19:50.488
Here's the scenario.

00:19:50.488 --> 00:19:53.792
So the parents push, push, push, every kind of clinic that came along.

00:19:53.792 --> 00:19:55.000
This kid was in it.

00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:57.884
Uh, off ice training.

00:19:57.884 --> 00:20:16.631
This kid was all about it, bleeding in bench presses and the whole nine yards and he would just get so like his views could be lit so easily on the ice and it obviously caused a lot of disruptions through the game.

00:20:16.631 --> 00:20:22.590
He's always in the penalty box and I asked the mom I go boy, you know what.

00:20:22.590 --> 00:20:24.346
What's going on with your kid?

00:20:24.346 --> 00:20:25.411
I'm just kind of concerned.

00:20:25.411 --> 00:20:33.509
Oh, you know, he keeps saying that he doesn't want to play anymore, but he's so good Look how good he is and they're pushing them to be out there.

00:20:34.663 --> 00:20:35.746
So he actually said that.

00:20:35.746 --> 00:20:37.951
He actually said I don't want to do this anymore.

00:20:38.119 --> 00:20:45.022
Yeah, he doesn't want to do it anymore, but the parents were living through him because they were both hockey crazy parents.

00:20:45.083 --> 00:21:22.317
You know that you're going to do this regardless because this is our dream and you're good out there, you have the talent and it just yeah, and he's like time out, time out, what your kid has obviously got a burnout issue here, right, but remember some of the conversations we've had with some of these pros though too and we hear it all the time and you say these aren't anecdotal, they're fact, like that that it got, that you know, players were pushed, they were driven, the parents were insane and they made it to the nhl and all of a sudden that that kid didn't, he was burned out.

00:21:22.317 --> 00:21:31.405
Like you've talked to some players like I only play because this is all I know how to do, but I hate doing this Like, but it's, it's the right thing.

00:21:31.405 --> 00:21:33.030
Like, this is what I like, this is what I'm doing.

00:21:33.030 --> 00:21:34.906
I don't even like to do it, but I'm.

00:21:34.906 --> 00:21:42.131
This is the road I'm in, and I think we've seen and it doesn't.

00:21:42.432 --> 00:21:51.421
It's hard to understand that to make that diamond, there was so much that had to be crushed and everything around it was killed.

00:21:51.421 --> 00:21:52.973
Like it's like.

00:21:52.973 --> 00:22:05.017
Like we only see the one kid, and everybody will say, well, that kid gets that, that, that dad, I mean, I had a kid in high school that played pro and his dad, you know we used to laugh like, oh, he has to do 500 shots a day in his driveway or he's not allowed out.

00:22:05.678 --> 00:22:06.299
Right.

00:22:06.599 --> 00:22:07.643
Well, that's cool.

00:22:07.643 --> 00:22:11.599
Like I wish my father would make me do that.

00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:20.880
But the fact is, this kid played pro hockey for nine years and a lot of parents see that and say, well, see, that's what it takes, right?

00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:24.625
Don't show the other 700 kids that burned out, right?

00:22:26.250 --> 00:22:46.604
And also don't show everybody thinks their, their kid is that kid they also don't show the potential mental health problems that come from that mike and, and you know, like, look, we you and I have, all of us have talked to pro athletes on the record, off the record, and some of them have severe mental I'll say fitness issues, right where you know they're coming to terms with it.

00:22:46.604 --> 00:22:47.692
Yeah, they had an NHL career.

00:22:47.692 --> 00:22:57.393
But I've had some people no one's ever said, hey, I would trade it for this, but the you know they, the mental stuff that they're having to figure out now, later in their life, is really hard.

00:22:57.393 --> 00:23:02.499
And I look, I guess it's on each one of us individually to decide if that's worth it or not.

00:23:02.499 --> 00:23:14.336
But look, I this is me personally I don't want my kids to grow up hating what they do right In any environment, keeping in mind, too, that if you're going to become a pro athlete, there's a lot of other things that have to fall in place.

00:23:14.336 --> 00:23:21.990
You have to have the talent, you have to have the genetics, you have to have some form of drive and uncommon drive to make it there.

00:23:21.990 --> 00:23:23.593
Those are all things that have to be there.

00:23:23.593 --> 00:23:34.537
But at the end of the day, when it comes to burnout, I don't think you'd ever want to let your kid get to a point where they're burnt out period, no matter what it is, it's beyond hockey right Now.

00:23:34.537 --> 00:23:41.025
Look, you got to remember this, and this is for the side of the audience that likes the challenges, which is great.

00:23:41.025 --> 00:23:51.744
There's a difference between being lazy and being burnt out, and unfortunately the reactions look the same but they're not the same.

00:23:51.744 --> 00:23:57.396
Being lazy is one thing, but being burnt out is another thing, and again we're talking about the signs of burnout.

00:23:57.990 --> 00:24:05.461
I want to turn this conversation a little bit because age matters in this conversation right To the newer hockey parents.

00:24:05.461 --> 00:24:06.548
We have a lot of great it's always great.

00:24:06.548 --> 00:24:07.992
We get the young hockey parents every year.

00:24:07.992 --> 00:24:17.151
To the young hockey parents it is absolutely normal for your six, seven or eight-year-old to not want to get out of the bed at five o'clock in the morning to go to their game.

00:24:17.151 --> 00:24:22.499
Now, look, mike said it too there's some kids that will jump out of bed at that age and get ready to play.

00:24:22.499 --> 00:24:33.653
But if your kid's fighting you to get up that early at that age, very, very normal, all right.

00:24:33.673 --> 00:24:40.415
Now, adversely, if you're having to fight your 15 year old to get out of bed to go to hockey, that's a little different, all right, and you have to decide is your kid lazy or burnt out?

00:24:40.415 --> 00:24:46.875
You'll know they're burnt out if when they were 10, 11, 12, they were jumping out of bed and suddenly now they're not jumping out of bed.

00:24:46.875 --> 00:24:49.701
That's typically a sign of burnout, right?

00:24:49.701 --> 00:24:58.592
If they're 15 and you've always had to get them out of bed, you need to get your ass in alarm and tell that kid to have some responsibility, because he's crazy right At that point.

00:24:58.592 --> 00:25:01.335
But look, let's just break this down by age Again.

00:25:01.335 --> 00:25:04.999
I always like to do the 12 down and the 12 up, right, 12 down.

00:25:05.439 --> 00:25:08.082
There are certain things again waking up super duper early.

00:25:08.082 --> 00:25:10.284
It's not easy, it's not always fun.

00:25:10.284 --> 00:25:12.307
I wouldn't put too much into that.

00:25:12.307 --> 00:25:25.843
I think the signs of burnout at a young age are actually a little tricky, because I think what you do when your kid is 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 affects the burnout when they're 15, 16, 17, and 18.

00:25:25.843 --> 00:25:38.980
Right, and and a few ones that pop in my head are you, are you going to every additional I'm not talking about practice skate event tournament for your kid.

00:25:39.310 --> 00:25:40.295
And here's the other thing.

00:25:40.295 --> 00:25:42.674
I see Christie and Mike, and this is the one of the things that freaks me out.

00:25:42.674 --> 00:25:43.377
So for my son's team there's.

00:25:43.377 --> 00:25:45.464
I got to preface this no judgment on this with anybody that's doing the things that freaks me out.

00:25:45.464 --> 00:25:49.669
So for my son's team there's, I got to preface this no judgment on this with anybody that's doing the things that I'm about to say.

00:25:49.669 --> 00:25:50.996
I'm just telling you how I approach it.

00:25:50.996 --> 00:25:54.211
I have no problem with people getting extra skates in or anything like that.

00:25:54.211 --> 00:25:54.531
Okay.

00:25:54.531 --> 00:25:57.359
But there's been a lot of opportunity for extra skates.

00:25:57.359 --> 00:26:03.201
There's been a lot of opportunity for extra ice time and a lot of people are taking up on it, which is fine.

00:26:03.201 --> 00:26:07.952
I are taking up on it, which is fine.

00:26:07.972 --> 00:26:10.664
I haven't even mentioned them to my kid and it was asked of me of like, well, are you not asking him to go?

00:26:10.664 --> 00:26:11.146
I said no, I'm not.

00:26:11.146 --> 00:26:13.012
I'm not even telling him that these things are happening.

00:26:13.012 --> 00:26:13.413
Well, why?

00:26:13.413 --> 00:26:14.876
Because he's not asking me.

00:26:14.876 --> 00:26:18.391
All right, if he was saying to me, hey, when can I get on the ice?

00:26:18.391 --> 00:26:19.392
When can I skate again?

00:26:19.392 --> 00:26:20.813
When am I going to play again?

00:26:20.813 --> 00:26:24.035
I would start saying, hey, yeah, there's some opportunities here.

00:26:24.035 --> 00:26:25.976
But he's not doing that, and my daughter's not either.

00:26:25.976 --> 00:26:27.877
They're just enjoying their summer.

00:26:27.877 --> 00:26:31.700
Again, they're 10 and 7 for anybody who doesn't listen to the show.

00:26:31.700 --> 00:26:38.184
A lot Okay If they're showing an interest in wanting more ice time, I will gladly provide them with that.

00:26:38.644 --> 00:26:50.923
All right, here's the other thing too, christy, going back to your original point, especially with the younger ages, we stopped playing hockey really full time here at the end of the season, which is, what you know, april May, right?

00:26:50.923 --> 00:26:51.665
That's when it ended.

00:26:51.665 --> 00:26:57.911
We started doing baseball and softball and some other things, and they said something to me that I thought I'd never hear.

00:26:57.911 --> 00:26:59.776
Honestly, this is going to sound crazy to some parents.

00:26:59.776 --> 00:27:03.333
They both said to me when are we playing hockey again?

00:27:03.333 --> 00:27:06.340
Right, like when's the season going to happen?

00:27:06.340 --> 00:27:11.613
Right, and when they did that, we went and skated and we had a little bit of time out there, and then, you know, they haven't asked me since.

00:27:11.613 --> 00:27:15.662
So you can see that it's creating a want to play the game.

00:27:15.662 --> 00:27:18.355
Christy, again your point we're doing other things.

00:27:18.355 --> 00:27:19.439
Here's another.

00:27:19.439 --> 00:27:27.882
Here's another thought for the younger ages, right, music, theater, reading, other sports.

00:27:28.021 --> 00:27:32.758
There's a lot of extracurriculars out there, aside from hockey, that you should allow your kids to explore.

00:27:32.758 --> 00:27:36.663
And, mike, to your point, the way my brain is wired, too, is how does this help them with hockey?

00:27:36.663 --> 00:27:38.773
But I got to check myself a little bit with that?

00:27:38.773 --> 00:27:40.761
Right, my son plays the violin.

00:27:40.761 --> 00:27:42.569
I just let him enjoy the violin.

00:27:42.569 --> 00:27:46.025
Now I might be thinking, well, his musical theory might help him a little bit in the net.

00:27:46.025 --> 00:27:48.558
Just let them enjoy the violin, now I might be thinking, well, his musical theory might help him a little bit in the net.

00:27:48.558 --> 00:27:49.445
And I, you know, I, I, I do calculus in my head.

00:27:49.445 --> 00:27:49.869
I don't tell him.

00:27:49.869 --> 00:27:55.295
I don't tell him any of that, because that's my problem, right, that's my, that's my obsession with the game.

00:27:55.295 --> 00:27:57.451
Anyway, sorry, I'm going all over the place.

00:27:57.651 --> 00:27:58.270
12 down.

00:27:58.270 --> 00:28:07.779
I think there are some signs, but I think the bigger signs are are you forcing is not the right word but are you bringing your kids to hockey all the time?

00:28:07.779 --> 00:28:12.983
And again, your kid might look really excited to go, and again, I'm not going to judge anybody that does that.

00:28:12.983 --> 00:28:29.096
But you got to think in the back of your mind, man, am I giving them a break Because you're planting seeds later on of, well, this is normal to be playing hockey this many days a week, this, you know, 12 months a year, and then what happens is when they're 15, suddenly they're not doing it as much or they feel pressure to do it more.

00:28:29.096 --> 00:28:34.683
Am I right, guys, that that can cultivate into burnout yeah right, and parents can burn out too.

00:28:34.905 --> 00:28:35.410
don't forget.

00:28:35.410 --> 00:28:42.098
I treasure the times that we were away from the rink in the summertime and just enjoyed each other.

00:28:42.098 --> 00:28:50.176
Those are some of the best memories that I have of just hanging out with each other, maybe even walking up libraries just down the street from us.

00:28:50.176 --> 00:28:51.990
You know we make a trip to the library.

00:28:51.990 --> 00:28:57.133
Of course, they were only allowed one hockey book, because they have 15 shelves full of hockey books.

00:28:57.453 --> 00:29:07.237
Pick something else, yeah, anything else right but yeah, you know going down to the tennis courts and just hanging out as those.

00:29:07.237 --> 00:29:12.505
Also, that was good for me because I could see I was burning out too.

00:29:12.505 --> 00:29:18.143
Oh, yeah, and yeah, yeah, so it was good to just take a break for everyone.

00:29:18.849 --> 00:29:19.692
Well, I just wrote down.

00:29:19.711 --> 00:29:20.935
Parents can also burn out.

00:29:21.557 --> 00:29:23.301
I just wrote down is one of the ones we're going to discuss.

00:29:23.301 --> 00:29:24.392
Are you burnt out?

00:29:24.392 --> 00:29:28.540
If you're burnt out, there's there's a potential chance your kid is burnt out.

00:29:28.540 --> 00:29:29.702
I won't say that's true all the time.

00:29:30.450 --> 00:29:36.953
Yeah, I think it's something you have to pay attention to, though, cause if you're burnt out and all the travel and all the hockey and all this stuff, there's a chance that your kid might be as well.

00:29:36.953 --> 00:29:52.696
Right Now, again, mike, anything else on the 12, you or you 12 kind of age group that you can think of, of burnout, aside from the obvious things of hey, I don't want to go, I don't want to do this Right Now, I will say this, mike, before I throw it to you um, I'm big and my wife is big.

00:29:52.696 --> 00:29:56.731
On, look, if you make a commitment to a team you made a commitment to a team.

00:29:56.731 --> 00:30:10.093
Now, if you if I've always said this, and this hasn't happened to us if they hate it I mean really hate it, and we've tried, I know they've tried, it's not working out and they want to stop, I don't have a problem stopping.

00:30:10.093 --> 00:30:12.317
I'm not going to force my kid to do something that they hate.

00:30:12.900 --> 00:30:14.351
You know, past a certain point, right?

00:30:14.351 --> 00:30:16.375
It's not like I don't want to try my string beans tonight.

00:30:16.375 --> 00:30:18.662
It's like, no, we've tried them 12 times.

00:30:18.662 --> 00:30:19.290
You don't like them?

00:30:19.290 --> 00:30:23.356
Ok, you don't have to eat those anymore, right, but I am a big believer of you.

00:30:23.356 --> 00:30:26.321
Make a commitment to a team and there might be some days you don't want to go.

00:30:26.321 --> 00:30:28.585
But you made a commitment.

00:30:28.585 --> 00:30:34.602
You follow through on the commitment, but when that commitment is sure every time, that might be a sign.

00:30:36.951 --> 00:30:44.664
Well, so again, speaking 12, you for the vast majority of us, not the kind of McDavid's and the kind of regards.

00:30:44.990 --> 00:31:05.817
Yeah, don't compare yourself to them but if you, if ultimately and here here's, here's the advice I usually give parents of young kids that I can see have the glimmer in their eye that an nhl contract is on the horizon is, if in fact that's what you want, then the best thing to do is to get them off the ice.

00:31:05.817 --> 00:31:09.320
In fact, the ultimate goal is for you to get them to the NHL.

00:31:09.320 --> 00:31:10.182
Let's just make believe.

00:31:10.182 --> 00:31:12.984
Yes, you know it, your kid is special.

00:31:12.984 --> 00:31:15.267
He's great, unbelievable talent.

00:31:15.267 --> 00:31:16.776
He's a great six-year-old.

00:31:16.776 --> 00:31:18.375
Haven't seen anybody like this in my life.

00:31:18.375 --> 00:31:38.867
If, in fact, you want to get to where you want to get to, then the formula really is step away from the rink, do other things, because when you need it to count the most, you know, I often used to say at these hockey clinics that nobody, that nobody's gone to a 10U state championship banquet.

00:31:38.867 --> 00:31:48.271
In my lifetime I've never been invited to our 10U state championship, you know, at the Marriott Hasn't happened, so it doesn't matter, it just doesn't matter.

00:31:48.271 --> 00:32:20.048
But if you want it to matter, when you want it to matter and that's 16, 17, 18 draft years, ushl, bchl if you want it to really matter, if in fact you think that's the kid, the best way to do it is to get them off the ice and get them into other activities and put them on a different path for certain portions of the season and the year that don't relate, and actively help them with hockey, because ultimately, that's the right path for the vast majority of kids.

00:32:23.849 --> 00:32:24.211
Again, are there?

00:32:24.211 --> 00:32:24.913
Are there rare exceptions?

00:32:24.913 --> 00:32:25.153
There are.

00:32:25.153 --> 00:32:32.034
Maybe you as a parent have to be like well, maybe my kid's not the rare exception, I got to admit that, but I think ultimately more.

00:32:32.034 --> 00:32:36.163
And even if they are, even if they are taking the time off, is not going to hurt them.

00:32:36.163 --> 00:32:39.971
Taking them away from the game is not going to impede their development.

00:32:39.971 --> 00:32:48.176
But, like I said earlier, forcing them into situations at 9, 10, 11, 12 years old will, in fact, be more likely to impede.

00:32:48.176 --> 00:32:54.642
When you want to be the most successful, if, in fact, you have a, you have a goal for your kid.

00:32:54.642 --> 00:33:11.109
You're Serena Williams, if you're Mr Williams, right, and you have this goal and you have this, this, this vision, and say this is what I'm going to make my kids be, then the best thing to do is step them away from the game and allow them to develop other pieces of their lives.

00:33:12.010 --> 00:33:16.557
It's a great example, mike, the Williams sisters, because it segues into this.

00:33:16.557 --> 00:33:29.790
Look, I have coached NHL draft prospects and what's amazing to me and this is part of the coaching journey too is watching them choose where they're going to play.

00:33:29.790 --> 00:33:48.961
They don't take every single opportunity when they're a draft prospect right, because A they got to make sure that they're healthy, right, you can't just play anywhere, but it's a funny thing to watch them pick and choose, or maybe, more importantly, not choose to play in a certain tournament or a certain team or a certain event, because they understand exactly what you're saying.

00:33:48.961 --> 00:33:50.269
Like, this isn't about killing myself.

00:33:50.269 --> 00:33:54.361
This is about performing when I need to perform, at the right time at the right place.

00:33:54.361 --> 00:33:56.076
Same thing with the Williams sisters.

00:33:56.076 --> 00:33:57.415
I mean, you guys can watch that movie.

00:33:57.415 --> 00:34:02.881
They picked and choose and they didn't compete for years as kids on purpose for this one.

00:34:02.881 --> 00:34:14.099
I mean, there's a lot of different reasons for that, but you know it's an example of what you're saying here of choosing the right time to do it.

00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:16.527
It's not all the time and I think that's a trap A lot of us both, as parents and kids, fall into.

00:34:16.527 --> 00:34:18.291
I got to be everywhere all the time, all at once.

00:34:18.291 --> 00:34:20.394
You are going to burn out.

00:34:20.394 --> 00:34:24.780
I don't care how good you are, you can't do it all the time.

00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:26.563
You just can't right.

00:34:26.824 --> 00:34:27.846
Even the pros take off.

00:34:27.846 --> 00:34:32.527
I just finished Mark Messier's book, arguably one of the best of all time.

00:34:32.527 --> 00:34:35.675
He's number three all time in scoring for now right.

00:34:35.675 --> 00:34:38.942
He took off for a month after every season.

00:34:38.942 --> 00:34:41.735
A whole month didn't even touch the ice, right For a long time.

00:34:41.735 --> 00:34:53.692
Now again, a lot of younger people you could do that back in the 80s and the 90s.

00:34:53.692 --> 00:34:54.092
You could do that I.

00:34:54.112 --> 00:34:54.835
A lot of nhl athletes do this.

00:34:54.835 --> 00:34:55.275
They take time off.

00:34:55.275 --> 00:34:55.697
They have to do it.

00:34:55.697 --> 00:34:56.418
A lot of coaches take time off.

00:34:56.418 --> 00:35:02.331
You cannot maintain this 24 7, 365 for years at a time without successfully losing your mind.

00:35:02.331 --> 00:35:06.782
You will lose your mind and I'm gonna, christy, I'm gonna throw it back to you, cause I know you got something to say.

00:35:06.782 --> 00:35:10.291
This, this show I always credit this show.

00:35:10.291 --> 00:35:14.358
This show is the reason that we take off in the spring.

00:35:14.358 --> 00:35:24.914
I was really conflicted about that and and when I remember when I did it, christy, when I decided we're not going to do hockey in the spring, I was like man, am I making a mistake?

00:35:24.914 --> 00:35:25.757
It doesn't feel right.

00:35:25.757 --> 00:35:28.420
It took a week for me to be like this was not a mistake.

00:35:28.420 --> 00:35:30.764
This is absolutely fantastic I am.

00:35:30.949 --> 00:35:33.797
I am feeling way more revved up, I'm feeling way more relaxed.

00:35:33.797 --> 00:35:34.780
I get this.

00:35:34.780 --> 00:35:36.309
Christy still love the game.

00:35:36.309 --> 00:35:37.972
Love for the game Didn't go away.

00:35:37.972 --> 00:35:39.735
Kids love for the game Didn't go away.

00:35:39.735 --> 00:35:40.715
It actually enhanced it.

00:35:40.715 --> 00:35:42.858
Um, you have to take breaks.

00:35:42.858 --> 00:35:44.641
You have to take breaks in this game.

00:35:45.822 --> 00:35:50.878
Yeah, and I wish I had the study in front of me because we had reported this just probably.

00:35:50.878 --> 00:35:52.777
I think it was a month or so ago.

00:35:52.777 --> 00:36:06.960
A study was done on just kids leaving sports, quitting sports at age 12 and 13 in droves because they felt it wasn't fun.

00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:09.295
It's just, it was a job.

00:36:09.295 --> 00:36:14.800
They're overscheduled, you know, there's so many things going on in their life.

00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:18.740
They're missing out on making friends and just being a kid.

00:36:18.740 --> 00:36:27.175
So I'd rather not be in sports because there's way too much pressure and I've already got a lot of pressure in my life, right.

00:36:27.175 --> 00:36:32.373
So how sad is that that we're losing kids and sports.

00:36:32.373 --> 00:36:42.856
You know, the course we don't have to preach the benefits of sports there are so many for our kids and how sad that there's just way too much pressure on them that they feel they have to quit.

00:36:42.856 --> 00:36:48.922
They can't even, you know, keep a finger in it because it's it because it's awful now for them.

00:36:49.550 --> 00:37:08.570
I think that report Christy too, also points out the fact that the haves and the have-nots, like how the division of the travel player in all sports has eliminated the player Because everybody's like, well, I can't play rec but I'll play on the fifth AA team of my age category in basketball and hockey.

00:37:08.570 --> 00:37:13.021
Like it's the oddest, craziest thing I've ever seen.

00:37:13.021 --> 00:37:21.599
Like when I look at people from a business perspective and a lot of organizations I guide in recreation programs, the money.

00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:26.744
If you only want money, the recreation piece is the most money.

00:37:26.744 --> 00:37:28.027
It's the most people.

00:37:28.027 --> 00:37:40.199
There are many more parents that would rather have a muted hockey schedule and get to go skiing and get to play basketball and get to see their families and not do 27 weeks of hockey.

00:37:40.199 --> 00:37:42.396
There are more of them than the AAA.

00:37:42.396 --> 00:37:46.010
But the problem is we've eliminated that sector.

00:37:46.010 --> 00:37:46.722
Like we've eliminated that sector.

00:37:46.722 --> 00:37:52.365
Like we've eliminated the recreational program and made it seem like it's this, like for rent.

00:37:52.365 --> 00:37:54.532
Like it's like what you're doing, what were you?

00:37:54.552 --> 00:37:59.190
doing wreck yeah like like wreck like this is horrible for your children.

00:37:59.190 --> 00:38:12.615
And you know we've we've interviewed a number of nhl, uh, you know community relations people and you know outreach leaders and they're trying to build it back Right.

00:38:12.615 --> 00:38:18.257
They're fighting it, yes, but it's a very hard thing for all of us as parents to be like.

00:38:18.257 --> 00:38:22.523
Well, I'd rather my kid only play like on Saturday morning and then have Sunday off.

00:38:22.523 --> 00:38:24.152
But they don't.

00:38:24.152 --> 00:38:25.076
They don't just.

00:38:25.076 --> 00:38:31.076
You know, and I'd love to hear from our audience at some point, but they just don't exist when are they who's running these programs.

00:38:31.771 --> 00:38:36.456
And that's to me what happens and you're talking about from parent burnout.

00:38:36.456 --> 00:38:41.990
I mean imagine, when you look at when you're a hockey family, other families look at you like something's wrong with you, like what are you doing?

00:38:41.990 --> 00:38:43.052
Like what are you doing?

00:38:43.052 --> 00:38:47.440
Like you're going to Boston seven times next month, like I don't get it, why.

00:38:47.942 --> 00:38:52.074
And where do you live Because there's exposure there.

00:38:52.074 --> 00:38:53.780
I need to get my kid looked at at seven.

00:38:53.780 --> 00:38:56.295
But the fact is recreation.

00:38:56.295 --> 00:39:02.838
I mean it's really why AYSO soccer did so well right the 70s, because every single town had an AYSO soccer team.

00:39:02.838 --> 00:39:06.327
Every town had an AYSO soccer team, every town.

00:39:06.327 --> 00:39:17.876
And now AYSO soccer is dead because everybody's now clubs and travel and paying $67 a year to play a sport doesn't exist anymore and the fact is it's hurting our kids.

00:39:17.876 --> 00:39:19.577
It's detrimental.

00:39:19.577 --> 00:39:25.943
Lee works in the mental side of the game with all these people so much that it's killing these kids.

00:39:25.943 --> 00:39:26.367
It's killing kids.

00:39:26.387 --> 00:39:27.632
it's killing I can tell you.

00:39:27.632 --> 00:39:31.199
Yeah, here's a question for both of you, kind of led into it.

00:39:31.199 --> 00:39:33.244
What do you think this is?

00:39:33.244 --> 00:39:36.036
This is a stat, this is a fact, this is a report.

00:39:36.036 --> 00:39:37.480
I'm not, I'm not making this up.

00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:41.480
What do you think the number one concern is of parents of youth athletes?

00:39:44.619 --> 00:39:45.362
the number one.

00:39:45.362 --> 00:39:46.927
Yeah, what do?

00:39:46.947 --> 00:39:54.534
you think it is not getting enough playing time this Pew Research stated the number one concern of parents of youth athletes is mental health.

00:39:54.534 --> 00:40:00.530
That is number one right everything to hurt mental health.

00:40:00.530 --> 00:40:05.820
That's the funny part about it it's our number one concern, but we're also accidentally causing a lot of this.

00:40:05.820 --> 00:40:06.034
Here's the thing.

00:40:06.034 --> 00:40:07.932
Part about it is that it's our number one concern, but we're also accidentally causing a lot of this.

00:40:08.190 --> 00:40:08.811
Like, like.

00:40:08.811 --> 00:40:09.353
Here's the thing.

00:40:09.534 --> 00:40:15.416
That's also parenting, right, that's also parenting in a nutshell, right, we, we, we care for our kids, but we hurt our kids.

00:40:15.416 --> 00:40:16.840
It's absolutely normal.

00:40:16.840 --> 00:40:20.295
All right, I mean some normal for more for the others.

00:40:20.295 --> 00:40:30.586
But again, you know, I remember it's funny, mike, you bring that up we had Dave Caruso from the Columbus Blue Jackets on the show and I remember he was telling us about how one of his sectors of his drills is.

00:40:30.586 --> 00:40:32.648
He has an area in the middle and it's just free play.

00:40:32.648 --> 00:40:34.978
And now the parents come up to him and say what are you doing?

00:40:34.978 --> 00:40:35.952
What do you mean?

00:40:35.952 --> 00:40:37.237
You're just letting them in there playing.

00:40:37.237 --> 00:40:39.896
There's no organized drill in the middle.

00:40:39.896 --> 00:40:48.695
And he goes no, that's the point, it's creative replay and how they people can't handle that.

00:40:48.695 --> 00:40:49.500
Right, let's flip it again real quick.

00:40:49.500 --> 00:40:49.902
We're almost done.

00:40:49.922 --> 00:40:51.329
We did this a little bit, but the, the, the over 12 signs for burnout.

00:40:51.329 --> 00:40:52.030
So here's what I'm going to do.

00:40:52.030 --> 00:40:53.293
Both my kids are under 12.

00:40:53.293 --> 00:40:57.690
When I was over 12, I was completely obsessed, in a good way, with the game.

00:40:57.690 --> 00:41:00.596
I love to practice, I love to do things outside my house.

00:41:00.596 --> 00:41:05.161
I never felt burnout as a teenager with this game.

00:41:05.161 --> 00:41:10.489
But you both have had kids in their teenage years who are now over that or some of their ends.

00:41:10.489 --> 00:41:16.804
So what are the signs that you guys know from kind of the tween into young adulthood that are signs of burnout?

00:41:17.610 --> 00:41:19.759
Yeah, I think again, lack of interest.

00:41:19.759 --> 00:41:24.485
So here they are, passionate about a sport up to age 12 and 13.

00:41:24.485 --> 00:41:25.510
About a sport up to age 12 and 13,.

00:41:25.510 --> 00:41:47.516
Now, all of a sudden, you're hearing them not want to go to practice, finding other things to do excuses not to go and again getting down on themselves, feeling that they're not good enough, when you start hearing that you really got to have a conversation with them and they're old enough to tell you now, at this stage, you're going to have a really good conversation with them about what's going on.

00:41:47.516 --> 00:41:51.021
Right, you know, do you not like the sport anymore?

00:41:51.021 --> 00:41:52.675
What do we need to cut back?

00:41:52.675 --> 00:41:54.519
Do you want to do you want to bail?

00:41:54.519 --> 00:42:02.684
That's fine, and don't don't feel as if you're making it that they want to tell you what you want to hear.

00:42:02.684 --> 00:42:06.860
Make sure you're listening and they're telling you what they feel.

00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:08.291
Yeah.

00:42:08.711 --> 00:42:18.471
You know, christy, one of the things I tell my kids and I'm going to thank you for affirming me on this is is I always tell them if you don't want to play this game anymore at any point.

00:42:18.471 --> 00:42:22.335
You should not be afraid to tell me that, because they know how much I love it.

00:42:22.496 --> 00:42:26.360
They know it's it's my profession Right, and so I really do go out of my.

00:42:26.360 --> 00:42:26.581
I don't.

00:42:26.581 --> 00:42:28.304
I don't overdo it, but I go out of my way.

00:42:28.304 --> 00:42:30.431
If there's ever a time they love it, they both love it.

00:42:30.431 --> 00:42:31.956
Now there's ever a time you don't want to play.

00:42:31.956 --> 00:42:34.291
I want you to be honest with me about that.

00:42:34.291 --> 00:42:37.916
You know, as cute as this comes, my daughter goes no, I love playing hockey.

00:42:37.916 --> 00:42:39.237
Like that's what she said Great.

00:42:39.237 --> 00:42:43.485
But I want always know that they don't want to disappoint you.

00:42:43.485 --> 00:42:44.106
God bless them.

00:42:44.106 --> 00:42:52.503
Right and and again, if look, parents, you can absolutely go into a conversation and say something like do you still want to play?

00:42:53.472 --> 00:43:00.817
and you know you're telling your kids don't say no, right, subconsciously you better not say no, oh my gosh, that's a great point, right?

00:43:01.259 --> 00:43:02.945
uh, it's how you talk to them.

00:43:03.025 --> 00:43:04.710
It's really important too right right.

00:43:04.751 --> 00:43:06.257
You better not say no to this Right.

00:43:06.557 --> 00:43:09.277
Yeah, if you go in like that you don't want to play.

00:43:09.277 --> 00:43:10.239
I didn't hear that.

00:43:10.949 --> 00:43:11.271
That one.

00:43:11.271 --> 00:43:12.153
What do you mean?

00:43:12.153 --> 00:43:13.155
You don't want to play.

00:43:13.155 --> 00:43:15.722
Listen, god bless them.

00:43:15.722 --> 00:43:20.530
They're most likely going to say what you want to hear, right Cause they don't want to have that conversation either, right Like?

00:43:20.530 --> 00:43:25.177
Especially when you know you're a loser parent when your kid's 16, maybe sometimes they don't want to deal with it.

00:43:25.177 --> 00:43:28.123
That's not true of all parents, so there's a lot of 16 year olds that love their parents.

00:43:28.123 --> 00:43:30.253
But that's a good sign, christy.

00:43:30.253 --> 00:43:47.086
Like you said, there's maybe a sudden change and you have to ask where to get to that, Mike, again you're, you're in the thick of it, man.

00:43:47.106 --> 00:43:49.570
You're right in start to see it with 16 and 17 year olds.

00:43:49.570 --> 00:43:50.391
That really I mean.

00:43:50.391 --> 00:43:51.253
I mean.

00:43:51.253 --> 00:44:05.697
A perfect example is you know we had rich cohen on who wrote that the peewee yeah yeah, and he just came out with a great, great follow-up an article about his son quitting hockey his junior year of high school, so 16 years years old.

00:44:05.818 --> 00:44:07.081
I didn't even know that happened Wow.

00:44:08.012 --> 00:44:15.880
How this has affected him and we'll have to switch back on again, because I think it's a perfect segue to what we're doing and talking about here.

00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:19.079
And it wasn't so much burnout but it was about choice.

00:44:19.079 --> 00:44:27.514
It was like I hate hockey, I just don't want to do as much of that, and the work that goes into it Because I just don't want to do as much of that, and the work that goes into it because it's not easy.

00:44:27.514 --> 00:44:30.737
Listen, 16, 17 years old, it is a lot of work.

00:44:30.737 --> 00:44:31.518
It's not easy.

00:44:31.518 --> 00:44:33.742
It's so hard Like I embraced it too.

00:44:33.762 --> 00:44:37.266
I mean, when I was in high school, college, I never felt burnout.

00:44:37.266 --> 00:44:50.251
I never felt the time where I got up in the morning like, oh God, I don't want to do this, never, this, never.

00:44:50.251 --> 00:44:52.735
And I think where other and you have to, as a parent, say well, that's, that's just the way.

00:44:52.735 --> 00:44:52.936
You know.

00:44:52.936 --> 00:44:53.777
Please tell me, don't even tell me.

00:44:53.777 --> 00:44:53.978
You react.

00:44:53.978 --> 00:44:55.282
You're 16, 17 years old.

00:44:55.282 --> 00:44:56.451
You can make those decisions.

00:44:56.451 --> 00:45:04.155
Now we could talk about the pros and cons of those decisions and, like all kids, you make decisions like in that minute.

00:45:04.155 --> 00:45:18.498
You don't think it through right and sometimes the things you do in in like because some girl wants you to go to a dance 17 and you don't realize how much that affects you with, like how in the snowball occurs.

00:45:18.498 --> 00:45:21.958
It's not you're burned out, it's not that you hate hockey, it's just that.

00:45:21.958 --> 00:45:22.681
Okay, let's just.

00:45:22.681 --> 00:45:24.849
Let's just discuss the choices you're making.

00:45:24.849 --> 00:45:28.340
I want to support you in your choice, but but let's just because you can't.

00:45:28.340 --> 00:45:30.840
Kids don't see around the bend.

00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:33.657
You have right, you've seen around the bend.

00:45:33.677 --> 00:45:34.422
Well, you've been there.

00:45:34.603 --> 00:45:35.469
Yeah, they've never been there.

00:45:35.469 --> 00:45:38.739
I've been with hundreds and hundreds of high school kids, right.

00:45:38.739 --> 00:45:52.793
So I'm like I'm coming from this, from probably coaching a few hundred 17-year-olds, so I'm like, and out of those few hundred kids, like I've seen where kids can go that loved hockey, that weren't burned out.

00:45:52.793 --> 00:46:04.822
But once you decide this is your choice, this is the consequences on the other side of that choice, and that's a hard conversation.

00:46:05.382 --> 00:46:09.865
You can guide them, you can try and guide them, but you can't physically take them there.

00:46:10.755 --> 00:46:25.195
But it's important to open their eyes, say, okay, you're making this decision, but just realize, as Mike said, the consequences, because sometimes they're not seeing the full picture yeah okay, if I, if I decide not to go to practice, I want to do this instead.

00:46:25.195 --> 00:46:26.318
Am I gonna?

00:46:26.318 --> 00:46:27.945
You're gonna have to probably get benched.

00:46:27.945 --> 00:46:29.751
Okay, you're not gonna play the next game.

00:46:29.855 --> 00:46:33.322
Just realize that you can't have it all you know and good.

00:46:33.322 --> 00:46:38.101
And christy, like I've I've worked with a lot of athletes I'm like, listen, you are unbelievable at baseball.

00:46:38.101 --> 00:46:41.829
Like you're going to give up baseball for this weekend in Boston for hockey.

00:46:41.829 --> 00:46:47.807
Like focus on what you're great at, but I like hockey more.

00:46:47.807 --> 00:46:49.619
No, but you're much better at soccer.

00:46:49.840 --> 00:46:58.586
You're making a great point and here's the thing I know what the twinkle of obsession of something you love feels like.

00:46:58.586 --> 00:47:03.222
I felt it for the game basically my whole life at this point, right, my entire adult life.

00:47:03.222 --> 00:47:06.048
I know how much I love hockey.

00:47:06.048 --> 00:47:08.500
I am so blessed to work in hockey.

00:47:08.500 --> 00:47:09.282
I appreciate it.

00:47:09.282 --> 00:47:17.539
I mean, I'm in just a wonderful place in my life with this game and understanding and having gratitude for the gift that was my passion for this game.

00:47:17.539 --> 00:47:24.784
Right, that's kind of what I'm looking for in my kids, but not necessarily for hockey.

00:47:24.784 --> 00:47:27.286
I'm just looking for man.

00:47:27.286 --> 00:47:32.351
You are so lucky in this world if you find one thing like that right.

00:47:32.351 --> 00:47:33.731
Not everybody even gets that.

00:47:33.731 --> 00:47:43.195
So if I see that my kid like my son with the violin, if I in a few years realize realized that he is practicing this all the time on his own, he loves it, I'm looking for that right.

00:47:43.195 --> 00:47:44.057
I'm looking for that thing.

00:47:44.057 --> 00:47:47.467
I want to cultivate that love To your point with hockey.

00:47:47.467 --> 00:47:49.657
You know you got.

00:47:49.657 --> 00:47:52.304
You just got to be careful, just to affirm parents out there.

00:47:52.324 --> 00:47:59.717
I'm going to speak kind of from my own experiences as a kid here, and there's a funny story Again I was obsessed with hockey in high school obsessed.

00:47:59.717 --> 00:48:00.500
It's all I did.

00:48:00.500 --> 00:48:02.144
All right, no regrets on that.

00:48:02.144 --> 00:48:02.967
Really, I loved it.

00:48:02.967 --> 00:48:03.356
It was.

00:48:03.356 --> 00:48:04.739
It wasn't hard for me, I wanted to do it.

00:48:05.380 --> 00:48:11.148
And I remember my parents were terrified of me going to college because I would say my schoolwork maybe suffered a little bit.

00:48:11.148 --> 00:48:12.855
I was a CB student.

00:48:12.855 --> 00:48:15.159
I wasn't a horrible student, but high school wasn't.

00:48:15.159 --> 00:48:16.443
You know my interest.

00:48:16.443 --> 00:48:25.938
You know hockey was my interest and I remember I went to college and pretty much started pulling straight A's and my mom and my dad told me that.

00:48:25.938 --> 00:48:29.907
You know, after I got almost done college, like math, we were shocked.

00:48:29.907 --> 00:48:30.396
We were shocked.

00:48:30.396 --> 00:48:34.306
Suddenly, you were just this great student and they said, well, how did you do that?

00:48:34.306 --> 00:48:39.565
And well, the first thing I said was well, I need to pull good grades to qualify to play, which was kind of a joke, but true at the same time.

00:48:39.565 --> 00:48:40.367
That motivated me.

00:48:40.367 --> 00:48:47.137
But I said this to them and parents I want you to hear me say this because I think this is really true I told them.

00:48:47.137 --> 00:48:48.159
You know I was always listening to you.

00:48:48.159 --> 00:48:49.900
I was always listening to the advice you gave me.

00:48:50.862 --> 00:48:55.186
I didn't always apply it when I was 17 years old, because I mean, honestly, you guys were there.

00:48:55.186 --> 00:48:56.307
You were doing things for me.

00:48:56.307 --> 00:48:59.130
They weren't pampering me, but you were there.

00:48:59.130 --> 00:49:00.251
It was a safe environment.

00:49:00.251 --> 00:49:06.601
As soon as I was out of the house, I just put all of it into effect, but I was always listening to the things you had to tell me.

00:49:06.601 --> 00:49:12.903
6,473,462 times I was listening, I just wasn't applying.

00:49:12.903 --> 00:49:16.440
I think there's a good chance that happens more often than not.

00:49:16.440 --> 00:49:20.105
Right, you have to tell your kids over and over and over.

00:49:20.105 --> 00:49:26.282
You can tell I have a 10 year old over and over again, but eventually it just clicks right.

00:49:26.282 --> 00:49:28.552
So that's, that's just something I wanted to say.

00:49:28.552 --> 00:49:30.197
So look, we're getting up on time here.

00:49:30.197 --> 00:49:31.981
Here's what we have to do.

00:49:31.981 --> 00:49:33.184
I got a page of notes.

00:49:33.184 --> 00:49:33.764
We have to.

00:49:33.764 --> 00:49:34.827
It's three signs.

00:49:42.494 --> 00:49:42.976
Your kid is burnout.

00:49:42.976 --> 00:49:43.938
Obviously, we talked about a lot, lot.

00:49:43.958 --> 00:49:48.393
I'm going to read all the ones we spoke about and we're going to pick three as a group here and then, obviously, those of you listening agree or disagree, email us, team at, our kids play hockeycom.

00:49:48.393 --> 00:49:49.014
Did we miss one?

00:49:49.014 --> 00:49:49.757
Did you have one?

00:49:49.757 --> 00:49:50.659
We didn't say let us know.

00:49:50.659 --> 00:49:53.918
All right, here's, here's the ones that we have, and these are kind of brought across the board.

00:49:53.918 --> 00:49:55.501
Right, uh, one, they.

00:49:55.681 --> 00:49:57.344
They say they don't want to do it anymore.

00:49:57.344 --> 00:49:59.235
I don't know if that's a sign of burnout.

00:49:59.235 --> 00:50:01.882
That might just be a sign of they don't want to do it anymore.

00:50:01.882 --> 00:50:04.547
Lack of interest.

00:50:04.547 --> 00:50:07.780
You are dragging them to practice.

00:50:07.780 --> 00:50:11.777
I'll say this You're dragging them to practice where you did not have to do that before.

00:50:11.777 --> 00:50:22.989
Okay, negative mentality or mood change a sudden moon chain, mood change from loving this game to just not talking about it, not want to be around it, maybe avoiding.

00:50:22.989 --> 00:50:28.887
Um, they're really tired all the time, an abnormal amount of exhaustion.

00:50:28.887 --> 00:50:32.864
Um, you're fighting with them all the time.

00:50:32.864 --> 00:50:46.956
It's a little bit different, right, there's just aggression with every interaction going to hockey, coming home from hockey, um, and this last one one, um, is it's a job, it's become a job, right, that's, that's what I have here right now.

00:50:46.956 --> 00:50:49.320
Did I miss anything from what we spoke about today?

00:50:49.943 --> 00:50:53.318
I think that's yeah, we covered it right, okay.

00:50:53.358 --> 00:51:02.414
So look, I I think I think a big one here and I'm kind of merging two together, but a sudden lack of interest to me is a big one here.

00:51:02.414 --> 00:51:04.041
They were all about it.

00:51:04.041 --> 00:51:04.702
It was everything.

00:51:04.702 --> 00:51:09.166
They had the bed sheets with the NHL teams on it.

00:51:09.166 --> 00:51:11.061
They had the trapper keeper.

00:51:11.061 --> 00:51:15.864
Nobody has those anymore but everything was hockey and suddenly it's not right.

00:51:15.864 --> 00:51:17.106
Right, it could be anything.

00:51:17.106 --> 00:51:21.240
It could be relationships, it could be relationships, it could be movie, it could be just not wanting to do it.

00:51:21.240 --> 00:51:22.885
I think that's a pretty big sign.

00:51:22.885 --> 00:51:24.416
They might be getting burnt out.

00:51:25.237 --> 00:51:26.320
I put that as number one.

00:51:26.641 --> 00:51:27.143
There you go.

00:51:27.143 --> 00:51:28.324
Mike disagree, agree.

00:51:29.226 --> 00:51:29.807
I love it yeah.

00:51:30.534 --> 00:51:30.695
So.

00:51:30.695 --> 00:51:40.969
So if your kid has a sudden lack of interest, parents, you know, think about how you want to handle that, and we're going to talk about that in a minute, right, it's not about, hey, you're being lazy, that's not the way to do it.

00:51:40.969 --> 00:51:43.576
I think negative, I'm sorry.

00:51:43.576 --> 00:51:47.507
Number two and this is a really important one, parents is sudden mood changes.

00:51:47.507 --> 00:51:52.074
It's a little bit different than a lack of interest, because they still may be going right.

00:51:52.074 --> 00:51:54.177
A lack of interest is I don't want to do this right.

00:51:54.177 --> 00:51:56.001
The mood change can be very different.

00:51:56.001 --> 00:51:57.923
They're suddenly quiet where they used to be talking.

00:51:57.923 --> 00:51:59.626
They don't want to talk to you about it.

00:51:59.626 --> 00:52:05.300
They're very negative, suddenly right, maybe they're just they're blaming everybody else.

00:52:05.300 --> 00:52:09.639
That's not normal all the time, if they weren't like that before.

00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:11.945
So a quick change or they're acting out.

00:52:11.945 --> 00:52:14.536
You know, and you see it on the ice too.

00:52:14.757 --> 00:52:16.918
Yeah, they got in trouble, right, they're in trouble at school.

00:52:16.918 --> 00:52:18.179
They're getting a lot of penalties.

00:52:18.179 --> 00:52:20.943
That's a sign of burnout, keeping in mind parents.

00:52:20.943 --> 00:52:23.065
Burning out does not always mean they don't want to play.

00:52:23.065 --> 00:52:27.889
It doesn't mean they want to quit All right, you got to remember that, so it can lead to that.

00:52:27.889 --> 00:52:30.552
But someone being burnt out just might need a break.

00:52:30.552 --> 00:52:34.797
It doesn't mean they want to quit the game, right?

00:52:34.797 --> 00:52:37.742
I think the last one for me is that it's a job.

00:52:38.824 --> 00:52:40.786
Yeah, I was going to say that too.

00:52:41.186 --> 00:52:42.547
That's the hardest one to tell.

00:52:42.989 --> 00:52:44.110
Not fun, it's a job.

00:52:49.074 --> 00:52:52.693
Right, and it's the hardest one to tell, because they might seem really happy, like oh man, this is hard, I love it.

00:52:52.693 --> 00:52:53.978
You know what I mean.

00:52:53.978 --> 00:53:03.021
Like you, some of these burnout signs are very subtle, of just oh man, I'm tired and it just I love playing, but oh man, I got to do that again tomorrow.

00:53:03.021 --> 00:53:06.284
I mean, those are not normal things for a kid to be saying.

00:53:06.284 --> 00:53:10.320
They shouldn't sound like us Be like oh God, another weekday tomorrow.

00:53:10.320 --> 00:53:11.364
I got to get to work tomorrow.

00:53:11.364 --> 00:53:13.601
You don't want to hear that from your kid.

00:53:13.601 --> 00:53:22.480
It should be like I can't wait to play tomorrow.

00:53:22.500 --> 00:53:23.222
Right, go ahead, christy.

00:53:23.222 --> 00:53:25.110
Yes, okay, every day should feel like a Friday, right?

00:53:25.190 --> 00:53:26.173
Yes, right, and here's the thing.

00:53:26.173 --> 00:53:28.981
Here's another thing I mean think about what a job is.

00:53:28.981 --> 00:53:33.217
It's that nine to five, six days or five days a week, that's another thing.

00:53:33.217 --> 00:53:41.581
To make it a job, your kid probably shouldn't be playing nine to five, five days a week, or seven days in a row for six hours a day, four hours a day.

00:53:41.581 --> 00:53:42.884
Don't make it a job.

00:53:42.884 --> 00:53:44.635
So let's just flip this now.

00:53:44.635 --> 00:53:45.800
I think those are our three signs.

00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:55.717
Right Is extreme lack of interest, a complete mood change or a behavior that doesn't make sense, and then obviously, it's becoming a job.

00:53:55.777 --> 00:53:59.918
Now the important thing here is the other side of this is what do you do about it?

00:53:59.918 --> 00:54:15.724
Number one on my list is you have to ask, you have to speak with your kids, and you have to do it in an environment where'd like to talk to you.

00:54:15.724 --> 00:54:19.365
I've noticed that your behavior has changed.

00:54:19.365 --> 00:54:21.106
You seem to have a lack of interest.

00:54:21.106 --> 00:54:26.288
It seems like this is a job for you, and then you've really got to make it so they understand.

00:54:26.288 --> 00:54:28.349
I want you to be honest with me.

00:54:28.349 --> 00:54:31.590
You're not going to disappoint me, even if they're going to disappoint you.

00:54:31.590 --> 00:54:34.170
You're not going to disappoint me with your answer?

00:54:34.170 --> 00:54:36.652
Are you feeling burnt out?

00:54:36.652 --> 00:54:39.632
Do you still enjoy playing the game?

00:54:39.632 --> 00:54:46.150
You got to ask the questions and then, whatever their answer is, that's not the end of the situation.

00:54:46.150 --> 00:54:47.396
That's not the end of the conversation.

00:54:47.396 --> 00:54:50.503
Converse, yeah, empathize.

00:54:50.503 --> 00:54:52.347
Put yourself in their position.

00:54:52.347 --> 00:54:54.922
You got to meet these kids where they're at.

00:54:54.922 --> 00:54:59.976
If you talk to a 16 year old like a 40 year old, that's not going to go well.

00:54:59.976 --> 00:55:01.400
You want to tell them.

00:55:01.621 --> 00:55:06.936
I know what I was 16, which is hard to believe, but I do remember feeling that way too.

00:55:06.936 --> 00:55:11.286
I remember at times it could be overwhelming, you know.

00:55:11.286 --> 00:55:12.168
But here's the deal.

00:55:12.168 --> 00:55:13.436
Maybe we need a break.

00:55:13.436 --> 00:55:14.739
We made a commitment.

00:55:14.739 --> 00:55:18.244
Let's find ways to give you a little bit of a break while moving forward.

00:55:18.244 --> 00:55:24.161
Now, if your kid comes back and says, look, I don't want to play hockey anymore, dad, the conversations turn a different direction.

00:55:24.161 --> 00:55:30.605
I'd say, parents, for the interest of not freaking you out, I don't think most kids are going to say that.

00:55:30.605 --> 00:55:33.275
I think most kids are going to say I could probably use a break.

00:55:33.275 --> 00:55:35.621
You're right, I am a little burnt out.

00:55:35.621 --> 00:55:41.242
So, number one ask, communicate, have that trust with your kid, have that conversation.

00:55:41.242 --> 00:55:44.318
If they blow you off, they might not be burnt out.

00:55:44.318 --> 00:55:47.797
They might just not want to deal with you right now, which is okay too.

00:55:47.797 --> 00:55:50.405
Any thoughts on that Cause?

00:55:50.405 --> 00:55:51.146
I have just two more.

00:55:51.695 --> 00:55:52.956
It does get a little tricky.

00:55:52.956 --> 00:56:07.081
And again, if, especially if you have a commitment to the team right and you're in mid-season and you don't want to mess up the team too, because they're counting on you.

00:56:07.081 --> 00:56:18.003
So that's a delicate balance and maybe you can bring the coach in on the conversation too, Absolutely Say hey look, my kid's burning out here.

00:56:18.003 --> 00:56:19.639
What can we do to make it better for him?

00:56:19.639 --> 00:56:22.795
Christy, I think that's a great suggestion and I think that's a lot about a coach.

00:56:22.835 --> 00:56:30.974
Because if you go to a coach and say, look, my kid's mental health is kind of coming out of jeopardy here, and they go well, it's too bad be a practice, that's probably not a great response now.

00:56:30.974 --> 00:56:36.237
30 years ago that would have been the response, right but we didn't know but, we didn't know that back then.

00:56:36.456 --> 00:56:42.079
Right, right, and I think that there's a lot of methodology there of it takes a village Right To help a kid.

00:56:42.079 --> 00:56:45.920
I'm not suggesting your kid doesn't play, I'm not suggesting your kid doesn't practice.

00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:52.063
I'm suggesting you have a conversation with your kid Right, see where they're at, okay, because sometimes these breaks don't happen till the spring.

00:56:52.063 --> 00:56:53.423
Right, and that's life.

00:56:53.423 --> 00:56:54.943
That's right, right.

00:56:54.943 --> 00:57:01.246
It's very, very normal, even at pro levels, to get a little burnt out in December around the holidays.

00:57:01.246 --> 00:57:02.606
It's a very normal thing.

00:57:03.206 --> 00:57:06.628
Right, it's just about, and you see it, at the end of the season.

00:57:06.628 --> 00:57:09.650
All the time, all the time, all the time.

00:57:10.170 --> 00:57:10.530
Right.

00:57:10.530 --> 00:57:17.632
So so it's about also explaining to your kids listen, I understand you're getting a little tired, the season ends here, or let's get to this point.

00:57:17.632 --> 00:57:20.673
Let's just let, because that's part of life too is gotten through the things you don't want to do.

00:57:20.673 --> 00:57:21.817
That's true.

00:57:21.817 --> 00:57:24.302
This is why I said it's a conversation, right?

00:57:24.302 --> 00:57:29.817
I don't want anybody to think that, well, if your kid says you're burnout, that's it, you got to stop, you got to break, and that's not how it works in real life.

00:57:29.817 --> 00:57:40.483
Sometimes and again, burnout and wanting to quit they are very, very different things.

00:57:40.483 --> 00:57:47.630
The reason we're having a conversation about burnout is really to keep your kid from getting over the edge here, where they want they don't want to quit.

00:57:48.115 --> 00:57:56.460
The next thing here I have here is forced breaks, or, as you said, christy, nothing scheduled At some point during the year.

00:57:56.460 --> 00:58:01.599
If you really want to help your kids not get burnt out, you have got to take a break from the game.

00:58:01.599 --> 00:58:07.380
And I'm not talking one week, I'm talking a month, potentially more, away from the ice.

00:58:07.380 --> 00:58:14.483
The reason why I say forced breaks is because at the end of a hockey season, um majority of teams don't win at the end of the season.

00:58:14.483 --> 00:58:18.358
So first thing you want to do is get back out there and you're probably motivated.

00:58:18.358 --> 00:58:19.101
You want to keep going.

00:58:19.101 --> 00:58:20.422
Take a break.

00:58:20.422 --> 00:58:22.367
Take a break.

00:58:22.367 --> 00:58:25.438
All right, parents, you need the break too.

00:58:25.438 --> 00:58:28.264
This is not just for the kids, right?

00:58:28.264 --> 00:58:35.126
If you keep in the cycle, if you keep going and playing and you're in it too, you don't realize it's happening to you.

00:58:35.126 --> 00:58:37.076
Take a break.

00:58:37.976 --> 00:58:38.597
All right.

00:58:38.976 --> 00:58:40.478
Yes, the last one here.

00:58:40.478 --> 00:58:46.222
We didn't talk about this a lot, but it was assumed a lot.

00:58:46.222 --> 00:58:46.822
We talked about it.

00:58:46.822 --> 00:58:51.766
In that sense, do not compare your kid to somebody else.

00:58:51.766 --> 00:58:58.371
It's Connor Bedard, connor McDavid or the top player on your team.

00:58:58.371 --> 00:59:06.679
Do not say to them well, you see what that kid's doing, you see what that kid did.

00:59:06.679 --> 00:59:07.179
You should be doing that.

00:59:07.179 --> 00:59:08.003
You're going to burn your kid out.

00:59:08.003 --> 00:59:14.257
All right, the best, I think, thing my father ever did for me was I used to I said this before a long time ago on the show.

00:59:14.257 --> 00:59:17.443
I used to like that he would tell me to practice, for whatever reason.

00:59:17.443 --> 00:59:18.686
I wanted him to tell me.

00:59:18.686 --> 00:59:23.239
And when I was 14, he said to me, right to my face I shouldn't have to tell you to do this.

00:59:23.239 --> 00:59:24.402
If you love to do it, you'll do it.

00:59:25.105 --> 00:59:26.476
You'll do it Right between the house.

00:59:27.177 --> 00:59:30.219
I never missed a practice after that and I never had to be asked again.

00:59:30.219 --> 00:59:31.981
That was me, that was me.

00:59:31.981 --> 00:59:32.862
That's not everybody.

00:59:32.862 --> 00:59:36.867
Okay, but never compare yourself.

00:59:36.867 --> 00:59:39.690
You never said, well, hey, listen, eric Lindros is doing this.

00:59:39.690 --> 00:59:47.782
You know I'm not six, five, 225 pounds either, right?

00:59:47.782 --> 00:59:48.324
So do not compare yourself.

00:59:48.344 --> 00:59:50.032
You can reference if the kid asks hey, what can I do, what can I do more?

00:59:50.032 --> 00:59:52.257
Well, hey, this kid or this athlete did this.

00:59:52.257 --> 00:59:54.422
That might be something you can do, but you don't.

00:59:54.422 --> 00:59:56.987
You don't compare them to that person, right?

00:59:56.987 --> 01:00:00.215
I think that's a great way to burn your kid out is to constantly.

01:00:00.215 --> 01:00:03.945
You shouldn't even do that with your own kids, multiple siblings, right?

01:00:03.945 --> 01:00:05.460
You're not supposed to do that with them.

01:00:05.460 --> 01:00:06.657
So that's one.

01:00:06.657 --> 01:00:08.824
For me is do not compare your kids with anybody else.

01:00:08.824 --> 01:00:10.802
And then look, I also have it written down here.

01:00:10.802 --> 01:00:18.262
I wouldn't say these are what to do, but I think it's important just generally expand your kid's interests beyond hockey.

01:00:18.262 --> 01:00:25.920
The worst thing you can do for your kid or your kid can do for themselves is to be 18 and think I'm just a hockey player, that's all.

01:00:25.960 --> 01:00:26.442
That's right.

01:00:26.442 --> 01:00:28.427
That's all I'll ever be as a hockey player.

01:00:30.235 --> 01:00:36.938
By far the most mental health, mental fitness stuff that I deal with is that identity issue of I'm only a hockey player.

01:00:36.938 --> 01:00:40.367
You are so much more than a hockey player, so much more.

01:00:40.367 --> 01:00:41.699
You may be a dad one day.

01:00:41.699 --> 01:00:43.382
You may have a job someplace else one day.

01:00:43.382 --> 01:00:54.320
So I wrote here expand your interests Music, theater, writing, reading, other sports, interacting with people, clubs there's a billion of them.

01:00:54.320 --> 01:00:58.021
It's so important that you expose your kids to other interests.

01:00:58.021 --> 01:01:03.563
Again, if you only eat chocolate, ice cream, how will you know if you like any other flavor?

01:01:04.244 --> 01:01:04.965
if you don't try them.

01:01:04.965 --> 01:01:06.387
Go ahead, christy, sorry.

01:01:06.909 --> 01:01:17.710
No, I know I was going to say that piece is so important because when hockey ends, they have to realize they're more than a hockey player.

01:01:17.710 --> 01:01:18.813
And if all their little lives they go, oh what do you?

01:01:18.813 --> 01:01:19.123
They're more than a hockey player.

01:01:19.123 --> 01:01:20.619
And if all their little lives they've been, oh what do you do?

01:01:20.619 --> 01:01:23.048
I'm a hockey player, and that's it.

01:01:23.048 --> 01:01:24.092
End of sentence.

01:01:24.333 --> 01:01:24.494
Right.

01:01:24.695 --> 01:01:26.740
Then what happens when it's done?

01:01:26.740 --> 01:01:28.304
Like who am I?

01:01:28.304 --> 01:01:29.688
I don't have hockey anymore.

01:01:29.688 --> 01:01:35.181
There is an identity struggle, you know.

01:01:35.181 --> 01:01:45.427
So it's really important to expand the horizons, introduce them to other interests, so they realize hockey is just what they do, it's not who they are.

01:01:46.014 --> 01:02:00.228
Yeah Well, and I can say this too, christy, that all of us here who play adult league hockey no one or multiple people that they play with that that is their entire identity in world, and they are over 40, and that is all that they know.

01:02:00.228 --> 01:02:01.795
And and I, their entire identity and world, and they are over 40.

01:02:01.795 --> 01:02:05.217
And that is all that they know.

01:02:05.217 --> 01:02:05.701
And I'm going to pause.

01:02:05.701 --> 01:02:07.449
I have had really good conversations with a lot of them who come to me about this.

01:02:07.449 --> 01:02:08.876
It's like this is all you've ever thought of yourself.

01:02:08.876 --> 01:02:09.717
What else do you like to do?

01:02:09.717 --> 01:02:11.242
I don't know what else I like to do.

01:02:11.242 --> 01:02:16.001
And they're adults and you can see how this has affected their lives.

01:02:16.001 --> 01:02:24.239
And look, my, my, my belief is this If you can make the choice to change, I don't care how old you are, if that's a wonderful, beautiful thing.

01:02:24.239 --> 01:02:31.592
If you can expand yourself at any age, it gets harder as you get older, right, but I think you should expose your kids to that early on.

01:02:31.592 --> 01:02:34.798
The last thing I'm going to say I have the circled on here.

01:02:34.798 --> 01:02:37.664
I'm looking at it Kind of burnout.

01:02:37.903 --> 01:02:39.806
Parents, are you burnt out?

01:02:39.806 --> 01:02:41.309
Are you burnt out?

01:02:41.309 --> 01:02:45.643
If you're burnt out, there's a good chance.

01:02:45.643 --> 01:02:48.449
That's surrounding the situation with everybody.

01:02:48.449 --> 01:02:53.396
You might be burnt out, your kid might be burnt out, your spouse might be burnt out, all right.

01:02:53.396 --> 01:02:54.882
Now you could say I'm always burnt out.

01:02:54.882 --> 01:02:55.786
Well, that's that.

01:02:55.786 --> 01:02:56.650
You should pay attention to that.

01:02:56.650 --> 01:02:58.836
Now you could say I'm always burnout Well, you should pay attention to that.

01:02:58.836 --> 01:03:04.947
Remember, there is no checkmark solution to burnout.

01:03:04.947 --> 01:03:12.000
It doesn't work that way, because burnout manifests itself differently for everyone.

01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:24.101
The only way through burnout that's how I like to say it is conversations like this is discussing it and exploring it and and and discovering it and working through it with, with a clan, right or a community.

01:03:24.101 --> 01:03:26.007
That's how you get through it.

01:03:26.007 --> 01:03:27.619
But there's nothing.

01:03:27.619 --> 01:03:31.056
If your kids burn out, you can't snap your fingers and be like don't be, don't, just don't be burned out.

01:03:31.056 --> 01:03:34.766
We'll take two weeks off and then you're not burned out anymore.

01:03:34.766 --> 01:03:37.626
That's not how this works, right?

01:03:37.626 --> 01:03:38.672
It's a journey you have to.

01:03:38.672 --> 01:03:39.434
You have to go through.

01:03:39.715 --> 01:03:41.402
It is a journey, yeah.

01:03:42.155 --> 01:03:43.340
Mike, any final thoughts from you?

01:03:43.340 --> 01:03:45.963
I can see, I can see the wheels were moving up there in your mind.

01:03:46.436 --> 01:04:02.601
I just think the burnout and the overuse and the timing of all that maybe some kids like like, honestly, like when I was in high school, for some reason we had like this weird week off between the end of the season and like playoffs, and I had one kid that we literally would go.

01:04:02.601 --> 01:04:04.206
We'd fly to florida today.

01:04:04.206 --> 01:04:05.291
That's unbelievable.

01:04:05.291 --> 01:04:06.996
We'd fly to florida for two days.

01:04:06.996 --> 01:04:08.280
I'd come back.

01:04:08.280 --> 01:04:12.701
I think I played the best hockey in my life, like it was two days, just a little mental break.

01:04:12.701 --> 01:04:15.266
And you see this in college nhl guys like that's why.

01:04:15.266 --> 01:04:20.478
That's why these nhl teams have these off days on travel right when they fly into a great city.

01:04:20.780 --> 01:04:21.983
Now, you could go, you could.

01:04:21.983 --> 01:04:26.322
You could go the wrong way with that, you know vegas to be like oh we're in new york city.

01:04:26.342 --> 01:04:27.885
You know let's let the next game after.

01:04:27.885 --> 01:04:31.487
That's a waste of a waste of a game, but you think about that?

01:04:31.487 --> 01:04:43.561
If nhl players are doing that, college players are able to do that, even if you get around the the coffin or just get some sun in your face, or you know, you're in the doldrums of of February, january, like, get just that little.

01:04:43.561 --> 01:04:47.378
Sometimes it's two days, sometimes it's four weeks.

01:04:47.820 --> 01:04:49.525
Yeah, no rules yeah.

01:04:49.675 --> 01:04:50.119
Like so.

01:04:50.119 --> 01:04:53.217
So it all depends on your kid and your situation, but I think a lot of it is.

01:04:53.217 --> 01:05:03.822
If you can build into your hockey environment with your children that they're hungry to get back on the ice, yes, then that's the best way to.

01:05:03.822 --> 01:05:06.360
I mean, to me that's like the most satisfying feeling.

01:05:06.360 --> 01:05:10.523
When you can, you can, you don't even have to know your kids are burned out.

01:05:10.523 --> 01:05:13.844
You take it away from them without them, without even saying like.

01:05:13.844 --> 01:05:15.842
You don't say oh, listen, you know we really need a break.

01:05:15.842 --> 01:05:16.543
Just like no.

01:05:16.543 --> 01:05:22.438
When they start coming to you and saying hey, when?

01:05:22.438 --> 01:05:23.400
Like are we practicing anytime soon?

01:05:23.400 --> 01:05:24.103
Like what the heck's going on?

01:05:24.103 --> 01:05:24.724
Like those are kind of.

01:05:24.744 --> 01:05:26.610
Those are kind of the things I love to hear from kids.

01:05:26.610 --> 01:05:28.697
Um, about like when is this?

01:05:28.697 --> 01:05:29.721
When does this start again?

01:05:29.721 --> 01:05:33.335
Yeah, like, again, you know you're having a horrible hockey practice.

01:05:33.335 --> 01:05:35.942
When most of the kids on the team are like is this almost, almost over?

01:05:35.942 --> 01:05:38.467
Like is this practice going to end soon?

01:05:38.467 --> 01:05:40.902
You know like, oh boy, these kids are not enjoying this practice.

01:05:40.902 --> 01:05:47.688
And when you hear kids like me I love my favorite line at the end of the practice is wow, that went quick, that's over already.

01:05:47.688 --> 01:05:54.063
It's like that's to me as a kid that's not burned out but that's engaged, a kid that wants to come back.

01:05:54.063 --> 01:06:05.998
You've got to now create that for your hockey season.

01:06:05.998 --> 01:06:08.746
Yeah, mike's favorite thing to hear is the zamboni driver going get off the ice.

01:06:08.746 --> 01:06:08.947
It's over.

01:06:08.947 --> 01:06:09.268
Get off the ice.

01:06:09.268 --> 01:06:09.588
That's true.

01:06:09.588 --> 01:06:10.331
I am adamantly the guy I get off.

01:06:10.331 --> 01:06:10.612
I'm off early.

01:06:10.612 --> 01:06:11.574
I, I'm the zamboni driver's best best friend?

01:06:11.594 --> 01:06:12.237
yeah, no, I bet.

01:06:12.237 --> 01:06:14.889
Well, look, I think we went over a lot of things here today.

01:06:14.889 --> 01:06:16.896
We really, I really hope you enjoyed this episode again.

01:06:16.896 --> 01:06:20.182
If you have thoughts on this, agree, disagree, anything we missed?

01:06:20.182 --> 01:06:24.057
Uh, team at ourkidsplayhockeycom, you could submit a letter.

01:06:24.057 --> 01:06:27.974
You can send us a voicemail, anything you want um to discuss on this show.

01:06:28.094 --> 01:06:31.103
We are here for you, um, and and I love these episodes.

01:06:31.103 --> 01:06:47.623
I love every guest we have, but I also love when it's the three of us just discussing the trials and tribulations of being a hockey parent or being a hockey kid, and I always like to end episodes like this with our our constant reminder that you're not crazy, the hockey world is crazy.

01:06:47.623 --> 01:06:49.708
I think a lot of us need to hear that.

01:06:49.708 --> 01:06:54.306
If you listen to this show, I know you need to hear that You're not crazy, the hockey world's crazy.

01:06:54.306 --> 01:06:57.782
But that's going to do it for this episode of Our Kids Play Hockey.

01:06:57.782 --> 01:06:59.706
Again, a great discussion today on burnout.

01:06:59.706 --> 01:07:03.664
If you feel like your kid is burnout and you want to talk about this more, please contact us.

01:07:03.664 --> 01:07:04.547
We're here for you.

01:07:04.547 --> 01:07:12.385
This is something we can at least, if anything, send you to some of the right resources to help you with that, but I think I'm going to end it there, unless anybody has any more final thoughts.

01:07:19.855 --> 01:07:21.021
That was a great episode, really important, especially now.

01:07:21.021 --> 01:07:21.864
Um, I think parents need to hear this now.

01:07:21.864 --> 01:07:22.367
I agree with you, christy.

01:07:22.367 --> 01:07:23.251
So for christy, casciano burns mike benelli.

01:07:23.251 --> 01:07:25.739
I'm leo elias that's going to do it for this edition of our kids play hockey.

01:07:25.760 --> 01:07:33.248
Remember the entire our kids play hockey episode list, which is over 250 episodes available at ourkidsplayhockeycom.

01:07:33.248 --> 01:07:40.768
We cannot thank you enough, the listeners, for allowing us to come into your homes and to be part of this conversation as you go through the youth hockey journey.

01:07:40.768 --> 01:07:42.902
And remember we'll see you on the next edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

01:07:42.902 --> 01:07:44.442
Without further ado, skate on.

01:07:44.442 --> 01:07:47.844
We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

01:07:47.844 --> 01:07:51.099
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01:07:51.099 --> 01:07:57.050
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01:07:57.050 --> 01:08:02.528
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01:08:02.528 --> 01:08:06.786
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01:08:06.786 --> 01:08:07.891
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01:08:07.891 --> 01:08:12.186
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