3 Things To Say To Your Kids Before They Step On The Ice

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Hello, hockey friends and families around the world. Welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. I'm Leah Lies, and I'm joined by my wonderful friend Christy Cassiano Burns, and we have another great topic today. Today's gonna be three things you as a parent should tell your kids every time before they step on the ice. Okay. Now, obviously, this is our opinion, our recommendation, whatever word you want to put in there. Everybody does this a little bit different. And we have three uh quotes right here. These are things that Christy and I both say to our children. And we recommend some version of these three quotes, okay, or these three sayings, right? Because we think that the last thing or the last things you say to your kid before they step on the ice, Christy, are actually pretty incredibly important, right? They can really set the tone for the whole practice. And that's why we came up with this, correct?

SPEAKER_01 2:10

That's right. Um, and you're so lucky, parents, if you're just starting out to get these messages, because I wish somebody had shared this with me when my kids just started out, because we made a lot of mistakes along the way. And you learn as you grow, there are a lot of growing days as a hockey parent. And I think toward the end, we finally got it right. So we're giving you how to get it right from the jump. So this is a very valuable podcast for beginning hockey families, because let me tell you, it's it can be painful. And you realize when you've made the mistake immediately.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

It hitches like, whoa, that was the wrong thing to say. Right. Oh, that was the wrong thing to do. I didn't say it right. So we're gonna help you get it right. So let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

I'm also gonna say, too, that we all make mistakes, right? And and you said for young hockey, I think these these go for any hockey family, right? All the way up through to pro. And uh look, we we've all said things we regret to our kids, but that's being a parent. Uh, I think the key is what do you do after you say it? But let's jump right into it, right? Because um, I really we really thought these through. And and the first one is a big one for me. If you listen to this show regularly, you you've heard me say this one, but I actually have a great story to go with this one today. Um, I was listening to uh uh a Kobe Bryant interview the other day. I'm a big Kobe Bryant fan, just in terms of his approach to sport. And I was jarred when he said something that my father said to me every single game, that I say to my son and daughter every single game. So he said he was approaching the game of basketball, and his father told him that no matter what happens on the court today, I'm gonna love you when you're done. And I've said it many times on this show. My father always told me before every single ice session, practice game, everything in between. No matter what happens on the ice today, I'm still gonna love you when you're done. Now, why is this important? And I think Kobe Bryant, uh, he said this in that interview, and I'm saying it too. It eliminates the fear of failing for your child, right? There's a difference between failing your teammates and failing your coach, which you don't want to do. Failing your parents is it's huge. Among us, it's it's earth-changing. I mean, it's a core memory, right? It could, it could literally change the trajectory of your life. And I can tell you from my own experience, Christy, that when my father said that to me, I didn't realize it, but when I got older, I always performed in big, big games, playoff games, championship games, a game we need to win. I always send I always showed up, always. And I remember him telling you always show up. And I said, Well, I'm not afraid of messing up. And I'm realizing as I got older, that is rooted back to him saying, basically, you do not have to fear messing up in front of me because I'm going to love you no matter what you do. I think that first off, I think every kid should hear that. If you think that's soft as a parent, which some people do, uh, think about if you needed to hear that when you were a kid. All right. The game has evolved a lot. So has our psychology, our emotional quotient. These things have evolved. You want your child to play and perform without fear of failure. Failure is how you learn. And knowing that your child can that you're going to love your child, and their child knowing that is insanely important before any activity, especially as you go to.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

And don't you think it's important to set the motivation? Right. The motivation for you being out there on the ice, scoring, not scoring, whatever, isn't to please me. You're part of a team, you're part of something that's really important to you, not to me. Right. This is your dream. This is your moment, not mine. So don't work hard to please me. Work hard for your team. Work hard because you want to accomplish something great out there, but don't do it because I want to make sure mom and dad are happy. I want to make sure dad says if I get off the ice, wow, that was amazing. That was my kid. Look at my son. No, it's not about that. This is about you. So I think by saying that, you reinforce that in your kid that this is your moment. Go out there and do your best. And don't put the weight on pleasing me as your motivation, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

You put that wonderfully. You know, and look, I'll tell you a telltale sign of whether this is happening or not. All right. And I've seen both of these and they they equally freak me out. When a child scores, I look at who do they look at first.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Okay. So a lot of them, especially in the younger age, just look to their parents. Now, here's the question: are they looking at you for approval?

unknown 6:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Are they looking at you to share the moment with you?

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yeah. Telltale sign.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Yeah. Yeah. And I've seen both where the kid scores, and it's almost a look of concern as they look at their parents. Uh, or or they make a mistake and there's a look of concern. One of one of my fondest memories was scoring my first collegiate goal. And I picked up the puck and I tossed it to my father because I wanted to share the moment with him. I wanted to share that with him. The funny part is I remember I was being all suave. I picked up the puck and I was kind of walking off the ice at the end of the period, and I threw it up in the bleachers, like, this is a magical moment. I could see it in my mind soaring. And all I heard was the puck hit the stand, like, down, don't, down, down, down, because he didn't catch it, because it was probably a bad throw. But the point is, I wanted to share that. I always wanted to play in front of my parents because I was sharing my love of the game with them. It was never for a um so parents, if that's happening.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

I was in the stands when Sophia scored her first collegiate goal. Yeah, she didn't look up at me first, she hugged her teammates, right? And then she went down the line, fist bumped everybody, and then she looked up into that, and we made the connection, but it was her teammates first. And and it was such a joyous moment. I'll never forget that moment. I even have it on video and I play it once in a while just because it was just a connection.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Well, it's it's a connection, and it and as a parent, it's affirmation. There's a love there, right? I mean, I look, I think of Jim Craig at uh after they beat uh or they won the gold medal, right? With the American flag draped out, he's looking for his father. So look, parents, this is what I would say. And I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of say this, Christy. I'm gonna throw it to you because I'm at the beginning of the parental journey here in terms of hockey. You you've been through it, but I have to imagine um that I do not want to be at the end of this journey where my kid is doesn't want me there, or that I'm some form of pressure for him or my daughter.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

I want to share that with them. Um, and if I put too much pressure on them, they're gonna want me to be away, stay away. Right. So that's my goal as a parent is I want to be, I want them to feel comfortable with me there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And it's really, well, it's it's ugly when you see that happen. And after a game, you see the kids step off the ice. And I'm talking about the you know, the younger kids, and the the dad or the mom just lay into them. Yeah, it's horrible. Um, you know, yeah, it's awful to see that. The kid played as hard as okay, he didn't meet your expectations. But you can see that he was a hustler, and maybe he wasn't, right? He was having a bad day, was having a bad game. And then to just light into them as soon as they step off on the ice, um, even before the coach has a chance to talk to them. That's just awful. So please don't you're listening, just bite your tongue, walk away, you know, go out and talk and just blow off your steam, by yourself. Don't don't let your kid see that, experience that because you're really uh you're nothing, you're not doing anything for your relationship. And then and that kid's gonna start resenting you and not wanting you to be there, and you're gonna miss out on a lot. So uh if you can stop it now, I I I encourage you to do so. Um, find other ways to vent your disappointment, your frustrations, but not on your kid.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Yeah, I agree with you. And again, look, your kid could have the worst game of all time and not try hard. Um, and and you may have to have a talk with them about effort and and and and hustle, which we're gonna talk about in a minute. But the the point is this the child should always know that they are loved at home no matter what happens, right? That's what being a parent is. So, again, just final recommendation on this one. The quote is I love you no matter what happens out there today. Um, and I'm gonna reiterate these are things you should say before every single ice session, not just games, not just practices, anything where your kid is going to be on the ice or in a sport, no matter what happens out there today, I want you to know that I love you. It pays dividends, and when you hear that for 10, 15 years, uh it sets a tone. And then they do that to their kids. I do this because my father did it to me. So that's the first thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

I love what you just said there. Pays dividends.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Write that down, parents. It pays dividends.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Yeah, look. Look look, one of the metaphors I've I've got away. I've learned from coaching youth hockey is this is that uh, and it's not this is actually just this is being a parent of an eight-year-old, is that uh when I was coaching the youth hockey last year, I remember realizing I've talked about this before that hey, it might take 10, 15, 20 times of me teaching them something before they pick it up, right? Whereas well, most of us are used to like, no, I told you once do it now, right? Um, and we always use the metaphor of when a baby learns to walk, right? They don't do it right away, it takes time. So there's a lot of messages that I'm telling my son right now who's who can frustrate me that I'm realizing I'm not telling him this for eight, I'm telling him this for 18. And he might not even activate it and apply it until he's 18. I cannot tell you, Christy, how many messages my parents gave me from birth to 18 that I didn't apply until I got to college, but I heard them. I heard them. I was just a smart ass kid. But when I got to college and they weren't there, they were still in my head with those messages of hey, don't do that. And I go, you know what? I shouldn't do that. They were they taught me that, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

But uh it's funny when your kids pick up that you're talking like grandma and grandpa, mommy, sound just like grandma.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

How do you think we feel?

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Yeah, sound just like grandpa. It's funny that you know, yeah, that those were really important messages. Maybe I didn't get them at the time, and now I'm passing them on to you.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Yeah, you know it's funny. I I think a lot before I I speak to my kids, and the other night I was at the dinner table and I knew what I was gonna say, and I looked at my son in the eyes and said, Logan, I said, I'm about to sound like my mother. And and I have to call her and apologize to her after I speak to her after you, because she was right. And I then I said whatever it was, and I was like, at the time. Yep, there's a there's a full circle moment. All right, let's get to the next quote. So, okay, the next quote. Um, we had to kind of narrow this one down to something. So we went with a little bit more of a generic one, but some version of this should be said, and it's it's hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard, right? Okay, so the key words, Christy and I were talking about effort, hustle, some form of listen, you need to put effort forth on the ice today. That's an important aspect of it. It has nothing to do with scoring or playmaking or defense or goaltending, it just has to do with you need to try your best out there because that's how the world works.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Right. And and we, you know, you can tell when your kids aren't doing the best. So it's it's good to reinforce that before they step on the ice. Um, as you said earlier, the puck's not just gonna come to you. You've you've got to go after it. Uh, so it's good to remind them that no matter how talented they are or not talented, uh, hustle makes a huge difference. Your effort is uh it needs to be 100% every time you step out there. Um so it's good to remind them before they play just the importance of things just don't magically happen. You really have to put in the effort if you want to see results.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Right. You know, and look, I'll use my own kid again as an example, right? He can skate well. He does not, in my opinion, put forth enough effort on the ice. He's kind of waiting for the puck to come to him. He's he's more cerebral in his approach to the game. Let me put it that way, right? Because I do see him positioning himself. Um, but he said, Well, I was in the right spot. And I go, Yeah, but you know, Logan, you got to move your feet, right? And I said the puck's not gonna come to you all the time. You have to go get it, you have to get yourself into the play. Um, you want to talk about another quote that plays dividends, right? This is one at some point it's gonna click that if you don't put the work in, you're not going to get the goal. And I think that as a parent, it's my job to continually make sure that's in their head. All right. I I think we all know though kids or young adults or even adults that never heard that growing up. And it turns into kind of a woe is me. Everything's happening to me. And I like, don't get me wrong, friends, the bad things happen in life, absolutely. But um, you know, commitments and the ability to do it even when you don't want to do it, that's that's born in youth. That's born in sport, right? And other aspects again again, thinking beyond hockey, right, Christy. This doesn't just apply to hockey.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

If you want something, there with our kids today, there's so much instant gratification going on, uh, especially with the advancement of technology. Everything comes so instantly for that. I'll give you a small example. I mean, I used to have to go to the library, you know, and use the Dewey Decimal system. Right. Well, what is that, right? Right to find books and re to research.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

And they might not be there after you did all that work. They might not even be there.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

And now Google, Google does it all for them. Um, yeah, so instantly they can find the answers to things that would when we were kids, we used to have to, you know, spend hours researching and trying to find the answer to it's true.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

It's I can't wait to see what the Google is in 40 years from now. You know, what's funny is my other favorite example of that is the yellow pages, right? You need a business, you had to go to the drawer or the top of the fridge, take this brick of a book down, yeah, find the page, call six of them. They all have triple A at the front of their name so they could be first, right? And and I said this, you know, today it's even simpler than Google, right? You just ask your phone. I don't want to say because my phone's hey, could you just tell me a plumber nearby? There are 12 plumbers nearby. This one has the best rating. Actually, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

Uh yeah, so you know they have to work a lot for a lot of things that we did as kids, so it's really important to I think doubly reinforce a work ethic and um putting in the effort to see results because especially now with our kids, everything comes so easy. Not I won't say everything, but a lot of things come easily to them. Yeah. And they want it right now. Information.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

I do wonder at times right now because because I'm a believer of every generation is different, everyone's the same. You know, I imagine when when when we had the Dewey Decimal system, there were people what is that? Right. Well, yeah, look it up if you don't know for the younger parents out there. But I imagine that you know, when that was a thing, there were people at that time went like we didn't even have that, you know. We we didn't have anything. We you know, we had to guess, or or there was nothing, there just wasn't information, right? Yeah, so again, different but the same. But we have to find those things to example, right? When your kids eat breakfast, who puts the dishes in the sink?

SPEAKER_02 17:23

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

I don't let me rephrase it. I rarely do it, and they have to forget. But if I see it, hey, put the you do the work that is required. All right, yeah. Um, and then earn the work. That was the other word we talked about. Do your kids understand what the word earn means? Okay. Um, I have ex I have said to my son many, many times, you are very intelligent, but that is not enough. You have to work hard, you have to earn things. All right, because and and I'll equate this to the ice. All right, I'm saying this as a coach now. Parents, I cannot tell you how many talented kids I have seen on the ice from might all the way up to pro, and then there's another kid on the ice who's not as talented but works 10 times as hard.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

I I eight out of 10 times, eight out of 10, it's not every time, the hardworking kid will be better by than the talented kid by the time they're through high school.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Or on the team. All right. And as coaches, we look for that. All right, coaches who only look for talent might find some short-term success. Um, but in my opinion, if that talent doesn't work hard, going back to the quote, you're gonna have problems. Um, and again, I started at 12. I was just talking to my mom last night. I started at 12, and and you know, this isn't a brag, but I've accomplished quite a bit in the game. And I started late in the I just practiced and worked more than anyone else because I loved it. That's the other key to this. I loved to practice. It wasn't something that was forced on me. Okay, that's why I said it's not a brag, this is a choice, right? So whether it's in hockey or something else, hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Every practice, some message like that. Your effort today is important, right? If it comes easy, that's great. Are you making other people great teammates? Work hard. So um that's gonna bring us to the third quote, quote, Christy. This is just to reiterate, because we'll do this. First quote is I love you no matter what happens out there today. Quote number two: hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Quote three, uh, simple one be a great teammate today. Be a great teammate today. Yeah, this is one the parents go, oh, they they yeah, we say that. Do you say that? Yeah, the Christmas owner before.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Uh, because there weren't enough.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

She's holding up the puck cog for those of you listening, her first book, which is fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

It's called the puck cog, uh, which inspired me to write the book because I saw a lack of team effort um in some of my kids' teams that they played on. Uh, a lot of selfish players, which really tore apart the team in a lot of ways, um morally. Uh and um just even discouraged kids from doing their best and from doing number one and from doing number two that we talked about. The the effort went down when you see the selfish players on the team because nobody felt like it was important to uh they were a part of anything special, um, especially when one kid is dominating. So let's talk about um teamwork, we'll break it down. So yes, it's great when your kid can be the leading scorer. Wonderful. That's applaud them. But you need to pull them back, you need to pull them back and help them realize the importance of lifting others up. If they have that much talent where they're scoring more goals than anybody else, and that's joyous for them, okay. Explain to them how much more joy they can experience by helping another teammate score and elevating them, lifting up, not putting down. Um they will carry that with them for the rest of their lives, and they're they're gonna hunger for that feeling of assist and helping others score.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Yeah, you know, Chris, I'll take it so many different directions from here because you're a hundred percent right. There is a joy in helping others that we can teach kids at a young age, and I think what happens is you know, I saw the situation recently where a young player is insanely talented, very good, okay, but so good that scoring is the only thing that happens. And I saw a shift where uh every other kid on his team was not skating when he had when he was on the ice because he was doing all the work. Now it's funny because uh I I'm very curious about situations like this, right? I think some parents get judgmental of, oh man, move the puck, past the puck. And the thing is, like, that's actually not how to handle that, right? I'm curious of why this person is doing that. So I actually spoke to this kid's dad um because I wanted to to try and dissect it and maybe work on it, become a better coach. And he said that he said something that was curious to me. He said, Look, um, when my kid does that, his teammates think he's the best. And and they actually high five him because like they're young. And it's like, hey, we're winning because of what you're doing. And it kind of feeds into it a little bit. And I actually understood that, all right. But then I I deconstructed more. Well, what are we teaching? What happens when he's not the best? Yeah, what happens when he cannot do that? Right now we're setting an unrealistic expectation. Um, and I just I was having a great discussion, but I think the lesson here is that you can help your teammates. Now, parents, listen up, I want to make this really clear. All right, it depends on the situation, depends on the league, all right. Um, depends on the team. There's a lot of scenarios that come in here. This is a scenario where this player is really great, but the his teammates are not responding uh from a hockey standpoint. Well, from a from a personal standpoint, they love him. They love him, everybody's friends. But the ability to turn this young player into a well-rounded player is super important. And I think it's important, especially in a in this is a low-stakes league we're in at this point. It's a summer league, right? Yeah, um, it's important to explain to that young man, young boy, that hey, listen, you are great, right? Now you can make your teammates great too. Exactly. Right? Yeah. And you can teach them. And this goes beyond hockey. Again, I tell my kids when you know something that somebody doesn't know, do not make fun of them. Help them, teach them. Share with that's we don't do that enough. And you get into this kind of narcissistic, sarcastic society of, oh, you don't know that? You can't do that. Like, and I'm like, where does this come from? It comes because we don't teach our kids not to do that.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

You know, and again, yeah, pure trade plays into it.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

You say this to your kid a real star makes everybody shine. Such and of course, simple, simple, simple, simple, easy to remember, and it sticks with your kids. Right. And and let's take it as we got to get into this. Uh, sometimes motivations. Uh, I see a lot of parents paying their kids to score a goal. Please don't do that. It's the worst thing you could do. Absolutely agree. Okay, if you score, you're gonna get X amount of dollars. If you score, I'm gonna get your new stick. That is the worst motivation for your kid. Because what are you teaching them? What are you teaching them? Think about it. You're teaching them that in order for you to get that, get what they want, they have to score. That's their motivation, not because I want to because I want my team to win, because I want our team to to excel. It's because I want the such a selfish thing. Oh my gosh, you're teaching them all the wrong lessons.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Chrissy, we talked about earning and value. Think of the long-term effects of that. And I know there's parents out there like, yeah, he'll be the best, she'll be the best. You need to think beyond that. First off, that doesn't make you the best, especially if you lose the game. Right? But I'm thinking long-term, you are placing earning power and value on individualistic effort. And again, this is one of those things where nobody can help me. Nobody succeeds by themselves. Nobody. I don't care what anyone says, nobody did it by themselves. Nobody. Right? I'm not saying that you need to sacrifice your talent or sacrifice your place in the game for somebody else. That's not what we're saying. What I'm saying is a great player, as Christy said, makes everybody around them better. Let's say this again, a great player, great person makes everybody around them better. They make great teams. It's on the coach and the other teammates to also be part of that system. Do not get me wrong. Okay, I'm not saying every team you play on is perfect. I understand the politics of all of this. All right. But we're talking about life messages. Be a great teammate today. I tell you what, what if you're not the most talented kid on the team? Be a great teammate today.

unknown 25:48

Right?

SPEAKER_00 25:49

What if you're the worst kid on the team? Be a great teammate today. It's an important message. And it opens up discussion, parents, where when your kids come off the ice of you know what, this kid was not a great teammate today. He made fun of me. That gives you an opportunity to have a great conversation with your kid. We talked about this on a previous episode. You don't have to focus on the kid teasing. I bet you it hurts when you get teased. What about you? Why does that make you feel bad? Or why do you feel bad when this player doesn't pass to you? Well, I want to participate too. Well, if you want that, you have to earn it. Well, if he passed, well, what can you do or what can we do to help that player pass? Well, I can tell him to pass. And you're right, you can communicate. Now, will that player pass next game? I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe that player is very selfish, but it's I'm not worried about the other player. I'm worried about my kid or your kid. Right. Right. And teaching your kid, like, do you like that? Look, this is the last thing I'll say on this. All right. My coaching philosophy, 85% of my coaching philosophy, which which is successful, I have to say that because I'm not just throwing this out there, is based off of bad coaching. I've had enough bad coaching in my life to have the ideas of I don't want to do that. I'm going to do the opposite of that. That's where 85% of my coaching philosophy came from was doing the opposite of things that I thought were wrong. Now, if you all think about your lives and the lessons you've learned, a lot of the things you do are either because you were taught well or you watch someone do it wrong for many, many years. Parenting is a big example of this most times, right? And you say, I'm not going to do it that way. Right. You apply that to youth hockey. Well, if you tell your kid, well, that kid scores, steal the puck from him and score your, make sure you score. Don't pass the puck. What have you just taught your kid long term?

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

To be ruthless, to be to be a horrible person, right? I'd rather my kid understand the power of earning and value and hustle over beating somebody out who's selfish and being selfish himself or herself. They have equal results, by the way. One's positive, one's negative. I hope that made sense. Go ahead, Christy. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Yeah. No, selflishness and sacrifice are such important lessons that your kids can learn in hockey. And they're going to carry it to other areas of their life, even when they're young, in the classroom or, you know, with whatever other organizations or activities that they're involved in, you're going to see that carry on in other areas of their life and throughout their life. So if you teach them young, uh, when they're um little sponges and absorbing, yeah, they're absorbing everything and and they value what you say and how you say it. Such an important time in their lives where you can, you know, start their journey um so positively. Right. Uh, so take advantage of these opportunities, which they are. They're opportunities, they're gifts.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

They are. And I'm gonna say this again. You know, a lot of us will be focused on the the the in-the-moment effects of these. I want to reiterate, these are not so much for just in the moment, these are long-term dividends, right? When I say to a parent, hey, your kid is a little bit of a puck hog, right? What can we do to help? These are the messages. That kid, I almost guarantee it will probably still be a puck hog the next game. All right. It's in 10 years or five years that I'm thinking about, right? You have to start somewhere. And I just I just can't uh stand by and have that. Well, he'll figure it out. I just I mean, maybe she'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Or you can take baby steps, you know, say, hey, and you have your coach talk to the kid, say, you know, I'm seeing a lot of pock hog tendencies.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Have your coach say, hey, before you hit that goal, if you know so-and-so is next to the net, right? You have the opportunity to pass it. I want you to pass it before you shoot.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

Well, and and I want to say this too, like, because there's two sides of it. We're we're talking about the talented kid now, right? In this same conversation, and I and I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of put this out there. Uh, I feel follow me here, everybody. I felt in that in in this scenario, my kid is open a lot and is not getting passes. Okay, I'm putting that out there. Now, how do I handle that as a parent as a coach? What I did not do is is say, yeah, well, if that kid passed to you, you would have had 20 goals today. I never say anything like that. All right. I I I hear parents, I hear parents do that. Yeah, they put the onus on the other kid. Well, if that kid passed, you if he wasn't such a selfish player, all right. And again, I know you're feeling all the time, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:22

All the time.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

I'm sure you feel it. Right? Yeah, yeah, look, look, we all feel that, but again, curious and not judgmental. First thing I did is I didn't mention the other player not passing, didn't even mention it because it's really not important, right? I'm gonna keep the focus on on us, on my kid. And then I said to him, You're you are open a lot. You need to call for the puck. You need to ask for a pass. I again never mention the other player, right? And if you see that that other players have the puck, keep moving your body, be open. If they don't pass, it's okay. Keep working hard. Never mention the other player. I only kept the focus on my kid, right? And when I was talking to the parent of that other player, it turns into can you make your teammates better? Other people are open, you can make a great play. Positive messages, the right thing. I didn't focus on exterior factors that we don't control on either situation. So, again, parents, you're gonna feel that. Well, if that kid passed, I'm gonna have 600 goals, right? You're gonna feel that, you got to get past that. You gotta jump that hurdle. That's that's your parental instincts coming in. They're absolutely normal. But jump over, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

We've all felt it, we've all, you know, thought that. Right. Uh, but it's exactly as you said, like how you handle it, turning it into a positive, right? Uh, which takes a little work, but as you said, it does pay to the fence. So don't forget that.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Absolutely. So just to reiterate the three quotes. Number one, I love you no matter what happens out there today. Every practice, every game. Number two, hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard, some form of that. Every practice, every game. Last one, uh, be a great teammate today. Every practice, every game. I don't think you can go wrong if you're saying those three things. And anything else, parents, you think fits into that, right? This is again interpretive by us. There's probably more than three things. I just think these are three important messages. And we're gonna finish this episode so uh with some quotes from a very famous person today. So uh Bill Russell, famous basketball player, won 11 NBA championships. He passed away yesterday as we're recording this on August 1st. Um, and uh this this uh email I follow called The Daily Coach, which I recommend to everyone that listens to this, by the way. It's called The Daily Coach. You can look it up online, shared three quotes that we all need. Um, and it helped to inspire this episode. But I'm gonna read these three quotes um from Bill Russell Russell and Christine. I'll kind of quickly break them down because they're fantastic. But again, this is a man who won 11 NBA titles and is one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Of all time. So I'm gonna trust what he says.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Uh, first one echoes what we've been saying. The most important measure of how good a game I played was how much better I'd make my teammates play.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

And he was not a leading scorer in the games that he played. And why is that? Because he's always trying to make everybody else look better and he understood the game.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

Right now, you know, what's funny about that is there were statements that Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan were incredibly selfish with the ball, which they could be, but they used their teammates. And when especially Jordan, a lot of people forget Jordan played a long time before he won that first championship.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Right, a long time. The Bulls were not great all the time when he was there, but when he started utilizing his teammates and understanding his supporting cast, same way with Kobe, they won. They won a lot, right? And uh Phil Phil Jackson, another famous coach, is really the one who inspired him to understand that. Hey, stop scoring 60 points a game, get 40 and spread the ball around. And that you know, you guys know the rest of that story, and then magic happens. Yeah, and and magic was also in Los Angeles, right? Now, okay, here we go. So, number two, success is a result of consistent practice of winning skills and actions. There is nothing miraculous about the process, there is no luck involved. Thousand percent agree with this one.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

It goes back to the effort, effort and hustle.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Absolutely. I mean, it's amazing how these are tying into what we said. But again, look, love of the game is by far the most important factor to finding success. If your kids do not love the game, it just is not gonna happen. All right. And we play a role in making sure that we cultivate that love. But once they love it, practice comes easy. I loved practicing. I still do, Christy. Still, I look, people that know me or live with me, they still see me practicing. I'm I'm not playing for anything anymore outside winning my men's league championship. All right. So it's like I just love the process. You know what I mean? I always like love learning about the game. All right, number three, commitment separates those who live their dreams from those who live uh their lives regretting the opportunities they have squandered. That's okay. I'm gonna read that one more time. Commitment separates those who live their dreams from those who live their lives regretting opportunities they have squandered. I want to add a uh amendment to this uh that it is never too late to buy into this. You can reach a point in your life like, well, I'm 40, I'm 50, it's it's done for me. Not true. There are people that find success well into their 70s and 80s in life. You never know. If you get it, it's a gift, doesn't matter when, but it's true. Commitment. What is commitment? It is it's raining outside, and I made a contract with myself that I'm gonna walk every morning or I'm gonna run every morning. Commitment. You do it the days you don't want to do it. I was asked the other day, what do you do? Uh, how do you how do you stay motivated? And I've heard other people say this, I'm not always motivated. There are days today. I didn't really wake up on the right side of the bed this morning. I didn't really want to do anything. I got up and I did the things I do because I've committed to them, right? That's the difference. I'm not, I'm not, it sounds like I'm putting myself on a pedestal. I'm not trying to. I've learned this from so many great people, right? I'm not always motivated. Christy, you need to read the news every single day. And I know for a fact that some days there's news you probably don't want to read, but you do it, right? Yeah, because you have to do it. How do you how did you build that in yourself?

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, I do have a love for what I do as well. So that helps with a commitment. Having a passion for something motivates you to do it as well, right? As having that commitment. So it's important also, and you can help develop that love for whatever your kids are going after by being positive about it and saying, you know, encouraging. So yeah, um, motivation, passion, commitment, those are all important factors to success.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

And I I would I would say that those words you just said are more important to develop than a wrist shot, a slap shot, a glove save. Which are also.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

But you gotta practice, you gotta practice those, those, you know, the game isn't gonna come to you, or you're not gonna, you know, reach your reach your goals if you're not practicing and being committed.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

Absolutely. Look, having having a powerful shot, having a powerful shot, but no passion is not gonna lead to success. Exactly. There has got to be that love. Parents, it's not on your coaches to develop that solely. It's on us, right?

SPEAKER_02 37:19

That's on us.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

That's on us. So we hope uh look, I I I love talking with you, Christy, about this stuff. I I I and again, I always say I'm a northeasterner, so I have a northeast condescension in the way I talk. So please, everybody listen, don't think that I'm trying to lecture here. Uh, this is me trying to share and take feedback as well. And if you have other quotes, if you have other sayings that we didn't say here that you think are really important, I and Christy want to know about them. We really do. So make sure they email us at team at our kidsplayhockey.com or follow us on Facebook at Our Kids PlayHockey and make sure you message them to us. Um, the more we share these, the better it will be. If you disagree with any of these, please stand up and tell us so we can have a great discussion about it. Not I'm right, you're wrong, or any of that. Right. That's how this grows, right? Christy, we have to have more conversations, we have to discuss these things more. So this was a great episode, Christy. I love doing it.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

That was fun.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

It was fun. And uh that's gonna do it. If you have any questions, again, team at our kidsplayhockey.com.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

And again, new hockey parents, this is a great resource for you. Uh, we are sharing the lessons we've learned along the way, and we're talking years, years here. So um, I wish this podcast existed when I first started out because I felt like I was dropped into a foreign country, not understanding the language, the tradition, the culture. And this is helping you so much because we're sharing what we learn. We're not always right, but you can learn from our mistakes as well. So um hopefully you appreciate it because we appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

I was gonna say there's no Dewey Decimal system for hockey parenting back in the day. There's no there was no card for that on those big index cards. But Christy's 100% right. Look, I'm thankful for the show because I get to I I get to apply all this stuff, Christy. I I'm I my kid's young. I get to apply all this stuff. And and Mike, Mike, when he's here, does too. But that's why we created the show as a guide and and but it's a community as well, and you're all part of that, right? We're we're three people that that want to share it. And I want to thank you all again for the emails and the and the messages. We get them every week. You're just such a wonderful audience, and we can't thank you enough. So, again, if you love this episode, make sure to check them all out, our kidsplayhockey.com. If you listen to this uh on Apple or your your your preferred podcast network, please give us a review. Five stars is always appreciated. Really helps us grow uh as we continue to break into that top 100 of the hockey market in US, Canada, England, I think Australia, all around the world, we're we're getting listeners, which is amazing. You guys have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful week. Good hockey, good day, good night. I'm trying to make something that's not working. Skate on, everybody. Have a great day. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kidsplayhockey.com. Also, make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey Stops, at WhenHockey Stops.com. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode.