An Interview With Darryl Belfry; Part 2

SPEAKER_01 1:23

What's up, everybody? Welcome to part two of our exclusive interview with Daryl Belfry on our kids play hockey. Again, we left off last week. If you haven't heard it, go listen to part one if you haven't. Uh talking a lot about skill development. In this part of the episode, we're gonna be talking a lot about coaching ethics and the way to look at the game. Unbelievable information this episode. I cannot stress that enough. But before we start, as always, make sure you check out whenhockey stops.com. Get your early access copy of When Hockey Stops. It's a book that uh uh Christy and I wrote, children's book, uh targeting six to twelve year olds dealing with adversity in the game um and how your child, how your loved one can overcome that to uh use the game as a vehicle for their life. It's gotten some unbelievable reviews. If you haven't seen it yet, uh check out the website again, whenhockeystops.com. Get your early access copy. Uh, we always thank you guys for the support. Uh, you're a wonderful audience, and we would not be doing this without you. But without further ado, here we go. Part two of our kids play hockey with Gerald Belfry. I want to ask something about the pros you were with, and I actually want to circle back to to youth hockey again. But look, you you have worked with some incredible hockey players. Um, and the question I have is what is the common traits with them that we don't see on the ground level, right? When we see Sidney Crosby, Patrick Kane, we see greatness, but what is it about them as people that you see that we don't know about that that that makes them great, right? Aside from their skill.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

Unbelievable self-awareness and understanding of what makes them great and where the next level is. They have they're very they have great insight. So I like working with those players largely because they're the genius. They know what they do well, they know what they don't do well, they know what they're trying to do. They just need someone like me to track improvement and to provide other ideas into the mix in certain areas. There's a there's a real feeling of reinvention that happens with that level of player. They're constantly looking to reinvent and improve. Nothing's good enough. Everything needs to be better, everything needs to improve. Um, it's that's what you don't see. The work, the level of of research that they do on themselves, the amount of time I you wouldn't believe the number of texts I get from a player who's watching another player in the league. They watch each other. They're like, hey, this guy in the second period at 1222 did this skill. I think I could do something like that. I don't think I could use that exactly because I'm not that player, but I like that. And I wonder like, what do you think about that skill? How would I express it? Like, I feel like I could use it in this game, this part of my game, this part of my game, that part of my game. They are so in tune with not only themselves, but with everyone else in the league. You can't do something interesting without them knowing. And I when I say interesting, I'm not talking about like something crazy, I'm talking about a little like stutter step that they use somewhere. Or I how about this? We had a player last year leading the league in scoring, and I had another player text me and say, What's he doing with his tape? He changed his tape. He knew he had changed his tape. Why is he changing his tape? He's leading the league in scoring. Why would you do that? That makes no sense. Like why he wants to know, like, what's going on? I don't haven't changed my tape in 10 years. Do you think I should change my tape, Daryl? Maybe he's onto something. Why is he doing that? What's going on here? They know the tape on the stick, he recognized and knew right away he's doing something different. Why is he doing that? That's the level of understanding. Further to that point, we've all seen, or if you haven't seen it, when I when I tell you this, you should look it up. There's a video of LeBron James at the end of a game. He's in a I believe it's a playoff game, and at the end, he's in the presser. It's it is a playoff game. He's in the presser, and the reporter asks him a question about the last few possessions of the game. And LeBron goes on and describes in great detail all of the last 10 possessions or eight or 10 possessions of the game to everyone's astonishment. They're like, he remembered, he know this guy was open over here, so we made this play. These guys they moved to this type of defense, so then we did this. Uh, I had the ball here. I recognized this guy was on me. I made this play, like it's incredible. He's not the only one that can do that. Hockey players that I work with will talk to me, they'll talk about a skill. They'll be like, So I did that skill like two years ago. It was it was against LA. Uh it was in like late January in the second period. So very easy for me to look it up. I look it up, sure enough, there it is. The level of recall and the amount of introspection that goes on with these players, they know they remember everything. These guys are obsessed, they're obsessed with their craft. This is, yeah, they have some gifts and they have some things that they were able to leverage and they they found their way there, but they are not at all resting. They're very active in their own development and they're constantly searching. And the reason why I have a job at that level is because I am a sounding board and often relied upon to offer suggestions. Hey, you have that particular skill. I think you could try it this way, or I know a guy that does it like this, or I seen that. So I have to be in tune with that because I never know when I there's a possibility to provide suggestion, or that they might ask me, hey, that player is doing something interesting. Do you where do you think that could that work for me? But it's not like I'm gonna steal it verbatim, right? It's I have certain assets, I like to use it this way, I'm the opposite hand. How would I do it? It that's that's how that world works.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

What I love about it, Daryl, is two things. One is the creativity behind it of just finding new ways to do things, and then two is the complete lack of fear to try new things and to mess up and to learn and to grow. And like that is a message that we're always preaching here as individuals on the show is like you cannot feel fear failure in this game. The whole game's based off of capitalizing on other people's mistakes. You know, one of the things you said earlier. Um, I wanted to come back to this. You talked about you want it to be a symphony, right? It's a just to follow it's a symphony of destruction, right? To quote that mega death song, right? Um, one of the things that I see that kills me. I was I was actually watching a practice the other night, high-level team. One of those coaches stopping every drill, every drill he's stopping to tell the kids how he wants it done. And it I was starting to get annoyed. I had to leave the rink. He was allowing zero variance and zero creativity. He wanted it done the way he wanted it done. Uh, my advice to coaches, and again, I love your take on this, is always when you make your practice plan, you got to leave that variable of, and you said this earlier messing up and being creative and trying things. Give them the drill, give them the parameters of what you want to accomplish, but let them be creative within that drill. Let them be creative within that situation so they can learn and grow. And this goes right back to what you were saying earlier about not just making a tape-to-tape pass, trying different things. I love love. And if if you're listening to this episode, or I want to rewind this and listen to it again. How you describe that it's up to the player to make the drills a certain way. Is I think the most common thing I heard growing up was great players make bad passes, look good. Don't blame the other player for making a bad pass. Start to learn how to catch a pass in any position, right? I love the accountability of that. I encourage coaches to open your mind a little bit. It's not about perfecting the drill correctly as you describe it, it's about creating an environment where your players can be creative and find ways to accomplish a goal. Would you like to comment on that? Because I do have one more thing I want to ask you.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

So let me just take you where uh this all started for me in terms of understanding this type of philosophy. So one of these guys, I have these guys in my life, and I've had them in my life my whole career, that will just send me random things. So this one guy is a lawyer and he's really well read, and he just starts sending me stuff like parallel things. So, like one of the things he said was, You should study vocabulary, how they teach vocabulary in kids. I'm like, dude, like, I have no college education, I have a hard enough time opening a book. Like, what are you talking about? Study vocabulary. He's like, just do it. Here's a book to get you started. Once you go down this rabbit hole, you'll be gone. I'm like, okay. So I go in, I start studying it. So the interesting part is there's a direct parallel. And anybody, any of you who have kids that have had to read to your kids at night and all that sort of stuff, which is unbelievable. And then eventually the torch gets passed to when they start reading to you, right? And then you start to really start to understand like decoding of words and like read, like learning words in context of reading. So where this comes in is like if you want to learn the English language, how long would it take you to learn each individual word one by one by definition? So you just study, start A and start going through and learn every single word. You can't do it, you don't have enough time to learn that way. It's just not how it's done. At some point, you're gonna have to read text and you're gonna come across a word that you don't know exactly what that word exactly means. But through the context of the chapter you're reading, the paragraph you're reading, and ultimately the sentence, you can deduct pretty closely to what that actually means. So it's a deductive reading. You're reading, and as you're reading, you're able to ascern what that what those individual words mean because of the context in which those words are written. That's hockey. How long do you think it would take you to learn each individual skill? I'm talking all the skating skills, all the shots, all the stick handling play, all the check, all the reads, all how long would it take you to learn all that? You don't have enough time. So this is why the small area games are so important, playing hockey is so important, just showing up and just throwing sticks on the ground and dividing it up and all playing because there's some skills that you can learn just through the context of the game. So you and there's a self-awareness that comes with that. Like uh a pass gets passed to me really hard. So one time I didn't have time to get my, I was skating with one hand on my stick, someone zips me a pass. I don't have time to get the other hand on it. So I just kind of stab it and just kind of stop it. I realize that's a way to catch a pass, like it deadens the puck. It's like a little different way. I don't always have to have two hands on my stick and cushion and catch the pass. The context of the game might be in such a way that I'm not able to do that. So this is a great way for me to learn. But I learned that through just playing and eventually, and the puck came to me, and I'm like, that's a different way. What we need to do as coaches, using that kind of that philosophy, is we need to create self-awareness moments with these players. Hey, that was an interesting way to catch a pass. I never seen that before. That was interesting. Yeah, he passed it to me. I wasn't even looking, and I got like I didn't even think I could handle that. Yeah, it's interesting. Like in that context, that's pretty cool. Yeah, you should try that again. That's adding a new skill, right? This is the context, it's self-awareness. Kid comes back to the bench. So, how many times does this happen? You're playing a game, uh, the kid goes to pass, he misses the player behind them, it goes off the boards, bounces out right on the kid's stick. You're like, kid comes back to the bench, you're like, Did you mean to pass it behind him, off the boards, on the stick? Like, that's pretty crazy. No, coach, I didn't I didn't mean to do that. Well, yeah, well, let's think about that. In your situation, like, let's be fair, you missed him. But how many times is the defenseman like right in front, and you can't make that tape-to-tape pass? Right, you just found another way to make that pass. Or how many times has he got that point kid at the point? He's there and he's shooting, he shoots it wide, it hits the backboards and comes right out in front. You're like, hey, did you mean to shoot that wide? Uh no, coach. Sorry, like the guy was in the way, and I just no, no, I thought you meant it because that was a sick play. Like you shot it off the boards and it bounced back because I knew the guy was in the shot lane. If you shot it, he's going on a breakaway. Right. Maybe that's a new way of doing it. Our job as coaches is to stop coaching, stop it. If you've done your job, you're not coaching, right? You're you're just creating these moments of awareness where when they come back, you're like, that was interesting. I really like how you did that.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

I I think I think Mike Weaver discussed this on our call too, about the fencement. You know, you get the bad pass, right? And all these kids think, well, I have to catch the puck. And one of the things he said, well, you don't. You could let it pass you and then surround it. And you're gonna be, and you never have to worry about getting run over because now you're controlling. You don't have to, and that's a stuff, but that's a learned skill, right? Because we're always like, You must catch that puck. Why? Why why can't I let it go past me so that I can recover and I don't and I'm not in this stressful mode, just like your one-hand jab and like just the op and missing the net on purpose, like it's a it's an indirect pass.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Yeah, Mike, Mike, you know, one of the things I try and do when I'm coaching about playing is I look at the intent of a play, not the result of the play. Right, and this is at every level from might up. I you know, if it and I've had players come up to you, I'm sorry I made a bad pass. But what was your intent on the play? Well, I was trying to do this. Okay, it didn't happen. Daryl, to your point, how can we make that happen? It's not you have to make that pass, you gotta make that. I I it's rare that I say something like that to anybody I'm coaching or playing with. I think it's funny, even when I'm playing in adult league. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I like, don't apologize. We you try to make a good play, you know. It just speaks a little bit to kind of how the mindset is probably off a little bit. And again, in a game where you capitalize off of mistakes, we shouldn't be afraid to make them so often.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

So, up until we had this rage on small area games and really making it uh uh you know a different type of way to teach hockey in that sense, we were all you know trying to come up with drills and patterns, and it's like A to B, A passes to B, A moves here, B passes back to A, A keeps moving, B moves somewhere else, A passes to B. And it was these like patterns. We scripted them out and we drew them up on a board, and that was the way we're doing it's all very rigid. There's no like, okay, like is any point? Can B like change with A? Oh no, no, Jesus, don't do that. No, stick to the drill, buddy. Like, that's this is or we do these like I remember thing staying up night after night trying to come up with different timing drills. Okay, the guy he there's a shot, the guy goes in the corner, someone from another line loops out. They the shooter becomes the passer, then they join this line. This guy was the passer, he loops out, he gets his pass, he does it. So it's an assembly line. Like he one guy guy does one job, passes the next guy, does his job, next guy does it, and then it goes down the other end, it does the same thing. And then I'm trying to think about how I can get more guys going. Like I was up nights and nights and nights and nights coming up with this. There's no, like it's all an assembly line, it all has to happen. It's like the old, you know, you watch an assembly line, all of a sudden, like someone steps away and they don't do that piece. All of a sudden, it all jams up and it's a big problem. That's hockey, right? So you think about how we were teaching the game, how we were presenting the game to the players in the way we were practicing. It's got to be perfect, timing's got to be right, every pass has to be on. This is how you do it, these are all the techniques, don't vary. It took me all night to come up with this damn drill, and you are doing it right. That's it. So we have that, right? And then we get to the game, and there's so much randomness, right? Like you're on your way back for a breakout. We just practiced a breakout for a week. We're on our way back. Tommy trips over the red line, and now he's late. So now the D goes back to get it. Tommy's not on the boards.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Lost.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

We didn't practice that.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

What do you mean he's not on the boards? He's supposed to be on the boards. Where the hell were you, Tommy? Yeah, well, like I fell. Well, you're not allowed to fall. The hell's the matter with you? Like, we need you there. You got to get there. There's no randomness, is not there. But instead, now the guy goes back and says, Hey, Tommy, it's okay. You fell, no problem. We'll just go this way, like, we'll just do this. So, for years, we were coaching through these really set patterns. Everything had a pattern, attack. And then we get that the game, and it's like, no, no, now you need to play with hockey sense, and now you need to like feel the pressure, and now you need to do all this. Well, it's all like counterintuitive, right? And then now we're like, okay, now it's all random. Well, no, it's not random, it's not all random. There are certain patterns that you need to know, so it's okay for us to show you these patterns, and then we can add the randomness. Like, we need it all now, is my is my point to it. Too is we need it all. It's it's okay to run a timing drill. That's okay, because sometimes that's the thing that's missing. Like you need to arrive at the right time with the right amount of speed in the right place. That's important. So it's okay. Stay up all night, come up with the timing drill, tell them beforehand. I stayed up all night, we're doing this timing drill, and that's it. And you're gonna get it right. That's okay. But if we only do it that way, right, you're creating restriction. But if we say, you know what, those timing drills that you stayed up all night, do it, like they're limited. So we're not doing that anymore. We're gonna do all randomness. No, we still need kids to arrive at the right time in the right place, and don't forget, every time you do those games, every kid on the ice is processing the game differently. So the way they practice is also the way they play. The same kid that's dominating a game is the same kid that's dominating the small area game, the same kid who sucks in a game because the game's going too fast. He's the same kid throwing the puck away in the small area game. So we didn't really solve the problem. It's still we got to find different ways, and the variability that I'm talking about as it relates to the way we should practice is reflective of what the demands of the game is, and you can come at that from any number of ways. So, as a coach, we won't we need as much as we're trying to expand the kids' skill set, we need to expand our own.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

If I'm a coach and I'm no good at small area games, dig in, man, figure it out, try to find different ways to create the constraints and how to be creative in that. Maybe I'm good at that, maybe I understand all that, but I'm no good at the timing stuff. Okay, add some timing stuff, come up with build your own skill set. I how many coaches here? I don't teach skating. Like that's just me. I don't teach skating, right? What do you mean you don't teach skating? Everybody teaches skating. You might not know how to teach the technical parts of it. Do you know what a figure eight looks like? Yeah, you're teaching skating. You're teaching it's if you know what a figure eight is and you get them to turn to figure eight, they're on both edges. Is you're you're teaching skating. Whether you like it or not, you have to teach skating because it's not played on land. Just because they can walk and run doesn't mean they can play this team. They have to learn to skate. So you're teaching skating, whether you like it or not. You don't have to be an expert, but you got to get a functional knowledge of how to improve the amount of skating that's in your practice. How many times are they going? How frequently are they turning? How frequently are they stopping and starting? How frequently do they have to change direction in haphazardly? How often or how when they're turning, how is their upper body? Like, does it like is it all over the place? Like you can just tell them, hey, keep two hands on your stick, lead with the stick. You're teaching skating. This is important for us to convey.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

I'm gonna say this right now that anyone listening to this episode is not walking away with a I need to rethink some things or just think uh is probably crazy. Uh this this is gold, everything you're giving. And and I I appreciate you bringing the passion for so long. I I have one more question. I've I actually have to ask you this. This is a question I've always wanted to ask you um about the way I approach the game. Then and Mike, Christy, I'll let you guys close it out if you want. Um, I believe for a championship atmosphere to exist in any form doesn't mean you're gonna win, but for that to exist, you need three things, right? Uh tactics and talent are two of the ones we've talked about today. I am a firm believer, and this is where I fit into the game, that a team bond has to be present in some form for winning to take place in any way. Um, and I have done this at every level I've ever coached at from eight you up. My my job, my main goal as a coach is to build that team bond. And it goes back to something you said earlier in the episode about players to kind of above that line, below that line. The way I um uh coach in this game is to bring them all together and make them believe in each other so there's an accountable environment, an environment of learning, an environment where that top kid and that bottom kid feel like they're part of the same team. Like you said, I don't ever want anybody I'm coaching to feel unimportant, right? I just want your thoughts on how important a team bond is to build. Uh, if you've if you've seen anything amazing in that world, and that how that plays into the larger picture of skill development, uh, and from what you've done.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Have you ever seen a team win? And there's kids that you can tell they don't feel part of it, and they're not really like in the mix in the celebration, kind of standing maybe a little bit out, and you just know that they get in the car and they're crying and they want to throw the trophy or the thing out the window because they didn't feel part of it. So, to your point, the first two pieces are really important. I think you can win without a team built, team, team bond. I just don't think it's ethically right to win without a team bond. What you're talking about, I don't think is necessary to win because we've all seen teams where they haven't had they haven't had that. Yeah, the listen, you we gone to a tournament and the goalie, the second goalie, plays one game in the tournament. The rest of the time they don't play because we picked the team that sucked the most on hockey, whatever they call it, what's the rankings? Okay, that team's rated 46, so that means our goalie can our backup goalie sucks. They can they can play they can play that game and then they'll feel like part of it. That's not how it works. My argument to it is you have an ethical responsibility as a minor hockey coach. When I say minor hockey, I mean triple A, midget all the way down. That's minor hockey. Kids are this is an elective. This they could be doing anything else. This is an elective, and they pay a ridiculous amount of money to do this elective, and it's not their fault that when they showed up, that they were slightly below the level of the league, it's not their fault, and that you need nine forwards, and so I'm now in, but I'm not really prepared to be on this team, I'm not really prepared, so it's not my fault, and now I happen to be in this situation because there wasn't three kids better than me, and now I'm here. And I, if there were three kids better than me, well, I'd be on the team I'm supposed to be on. You have an ethical responsibility to find a way to get every kid to be able to play, and your goal is to be in the championship game and not make any moves in which you know uh Sally is at the door, ready to go out for her turn, and you pull her back, put Tiffany in front and move Sally back. As soon as you do that, Sally, she's out, she doesn't give a shit if you win anymore. She's done, she is done, and she should be done. She should be done with you because you let that kid down. That is not her fault. She tried out, she made the team. Once she's on the team, you're responsible for her. It's your job to build her up. Why can't you take a random moment in the second period and you say, hey, this is the most important shift of the game. Sally, you're in. Yeah, you, you're in. We need you. We need you to make a play here. So she gets out there and she's running maniac like crazy to try to make something happen. She comes off, it's high fives for everybody. Sally, unbelievable. You were great. How does Sally feel? She feels fantastic. Now they get to the third period. You got a kid who feels like she's 10 foot tall and bulletproof. Give her a job. She goes out and she does it. She feels part of it. That's your job. Regardless of capacity, your job, your ethical responsibility is to put this kid on the ice when it's her turn, regardless. And if she's not ready to play, that's on you. You didn't see the other teams roster, you didn't know which line they had was going out first. And you knew that on the other team, their top line is a kid that you probably shouldn't have Sally out there against. It's your job to make sure that Sally goes out against the kid she's supposed to. And if the other coach wants to monkey around with her with their lines, they can do that. But your job is to find a way for her to survive. First, survive, then contribute, and then thrive. It's a it's not a requirement to winning, it's an ethical responsibility you have to every kid on that team. Your job is to is to get this kid to love hockey, to want to come back next year, to want to contribute, to be part of a team, to be involved with a group, to feel what it's like to be important. That's an ethical responsibility that you have. And we don't talk about it in those terms, and I do. We talk about it like, well, the last five minutes are mine, you know, like I can do what I want in the last five minutes. Or we've also seen the coach where like the top line's out there for a minute and 20 seconds, and then bottom line, like they go out for 20 seconds. I'm just praying for a whistle. As soon as the whistle happens, you're off. But you got your shift, but it's still a tremendous imbalance. Now, here's what I'm gonna tell you. And this is the most important thing of this that I want to tell you. I was the guy I'm telling you not to be. I was that guy. I was the guy that walked in first practice the year. Hey, you know what? We do things, it's not it's not equal, it's fair. I did all that. Oh, I get the last five minutes as a coach, and I'm gonna make these. Sometimes it's it's my responsibility, like to get you to the next game. So every kid, like we're gonna go in this quarterfinals, and if we do enough to win, everybody gets to play in the semis. So that's your bullshit. Everyone's not playing the semis. The top kids are playing the semis, and these other guys are just riding around waiting, and then they get screwed in the end any any all the time. We need to come to a realization that once you pick the kid, it's on you to create a safe environment in which they can play, enjoy the time with their teammates. They're not made to feel less than. You find a strength. Maybe the kid's no good at hockey. That's okay. But maybe they're just a great kid. Maybe they're the life and soul of the dressing room. And if they're not, make them bring out their personality. The reason that they're not is they feel uncomfortable, they feel less than, they feel so now their personality doesn't come out. Find a way to get them involved, to get them to feel like they're belong. The worst place to be on a hockey team is unimportant to the success of the hockey team. So I love the question. I just I think you can win without team chemistry. I think you can. I think it's proven all over the place, especially in minor hockey. Because all I need is one more kid who can be a difference maker than you, and I'm probably gonna win. What you're talking about, I think is a greater issue. I love that you include it as part of the path of that you're doing, but I think it's bigger than that. It's an ethical responsibility. And if I was in charge of an organization and I saw any coach move Sally in any way, shape, or form, that would be that coach's last day. If I had to coach every team myself, I will not allow someone to do that to a kid. It happens way too much, and we can justify it any way we want. You can talk about triple A. Listen, the kid tried out for triple A. It's not their fault. You don't have nine kids that are exactly the same. It's not their fault. You, the only reason you're picking me, and I'm the ninth fourth, the only reason you're picking is because you need me to pay. Because truth be told, you probably wouldn't have me if you didn't want if you probably wouldn't want me. If you could have eight, you would have picked eight. Let's be honest, let's talk about this on an honest level. And I think the more we do that, we can start saying, Okay, yeah, the truth is we can't afford to run this team without you. So that makes you important. Now, you can't afford to have me treat you badly, or less than. And the truth of the matter is you're not less than. You're a great kid, you have certain gifts. Just so happens you're not further along, or the way you process the game is not at a level that's the same as the best kids. That's okay. You have other things, you have other things that we can do, and it's my job to make you functional when you play. And I'm gonna make you feel like you belong, and I'm gonna come up with these random moments in a game that make you feel 10 foot tall and bulletproof because that's my ethical responsibility to every single kid on the team. That's my soapbox for you, but I was the wrong guy. I was the wrong guy. I'm not talking about this hypocritically, I'm talking about this from if I'm so embarrassed by the way I behaved when I was younger and stupid. And I'm trying to now I'm trying to learn from that and now share that with people who are in that. They're me. They're me and they're making these decisions. And I want you to think about what you're doing because that kid is gonna go on and do something great, and it does, it's not necessarily gonna be in hockey, and they're gonna leave that rink thinking you're an asshole. Is that really what you want? I want every kid to think that I'm I want them to remember me as a coach. They're gonna remember one or two coaches and one or two teachers. I want to be on the mix, I don't want to be the person they can't wait to forget. And they you can win every championship you want all year. If I don't feel part of it, you're an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

I love it, Daryl. You know, you and you do practice what you preach here about on the ice as a coach. And I think you using yourself as an example is a perfect uh way to look at that is you know, you're not doing the same drill over and over again as a coach, right? You're expanding as a coach, you're being creative as a coach, you're finding new ways to coach, and you're learning from your past mistakes. And I think that the evolution of a human being is really, you know, weighed in on that of are you willing to acknowledge the things you've done and grow and learn? Because that's really life. It's really the joy of life. You can take this outside of hockey as you can grow and learn. Well, this has easily been our longest episode of our kids play hockey ever. I'm actually tempted to turn this into a two-parter, but uh, I have enjoyed every single minute of this. I do want to throw it to Mike and Christy real quick if you guys have anything too. I I know it's getting a little later in the day.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

I really, I really appreciate you so much. And thank you for sharing, especially just these last couple of minutes, what you were saying about the coaches' need to make every kid feel of value and importance as part of the team. Because as you were saying that, a coach came to mind, kids came to mind, including my own kid, and it hurts when you see it, and you want to just shake them and say, You're the one who wanted us on this team. You needed us here. Why are you treating her this way? You know, why don't you see her potential? Um, so thank you. Thank you so much. I just much better now.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

One of the proudest moments I've had with my own kid. She might have been, I want to say 10 years old. She gets in the car and she's like tearing up. What's the matter with you? She says, uh I just hate it when they put me out there and they don't put her out there. I hate that. I hate that because uh in her mind, the social dynamics are way off now. And she just didn't like it. It melt made her feel uncomfortable. Was my kid a better player? Yeah, she's a better player. Would I, you know, if you want to win, would you probably do that? Yeah, you probably would. But my kid, who's the benefactor of this, is uncomfortable and feels empathy towards the kid who's not going, who their head goes down like this, they're trying everything they can, they're just telling themselves, don't cry, don't show them, don't show, don't cry, don't show them that you're that you're upset, hold your head up, you know, and you can just see them welling up and like we've all been there. That's when I see my kid showing empathy towards others, I know that my kid's not special in that regard. There's other kids that are the benefactors of such things that we're putting that in their mind, and we're disabling the social dynamics that are go on the team, which is one of the big reasons why these kids are playing. They're trying to play with their friends. Stop coaching, stop it. We're not coaching, you're not in the NHL, we're not coaching, we're facilitating relationships. That's what we're doing first, and then we're trying to create function, and then we're trying to create thriving at the end of the day, and kids can thrive in all kinds of different ways. Doesn't have to be scoring.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

Amen, brother.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Mike, any final words before I close it out?

SPEAKER_03 39:41

Yeah, no, we're gonna unbox that too. I mean, it's just so much.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

It's a whole other episode. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 39:46

I I mean, I and I, you know, I see that we see that all the time, and I think it's just there's so much on the other side, too, of a parent's responsibility in that situation, and you know, their their commitment to the coach as that's putting his time in. And you're right, Darrell. I mean, it you we do we do a lot for the kids, and you want to have this ideal world, right? And it's but it's a it's a it's I think at the youth level especially it's a it's a combined effort. It's that community we talk about that all the time on this uh, you know, these episodes, it's that that communication back and forth. And I just think um, you know, I don't know, I think societally we're we're we're we just move we're moving away from that, uh and from from a parent perspective and then an organization. And there's there's there needs to be more of a trilogy of those three that that that really work together, but your stuff's great.

SPEAKER_02 40:35

Vision, it's vision. The organization has to have the vision right to say this is who we are, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

And then support it, and then support it.

SPEAKER_02 40:45

You want to play here, you want to play here, this is how it is, right? Yeah, and you'll attract then the right people. And if you don't have the right people, then you need to get rid of the people and get the right people because at the end of the day, that's what it is. You want to have the safest environment, but it has to be a vision. And like I said, if I had to go and fire every coach and coach every team myself, that's that important. It has to be that important. If it's not, the hell are we doing? We're talking about kids here, and you can talk to me about well, they need to know disappointment and they need to know, you know, that they're not going to be the best everything, and we're not, you know, the participation trophies, and you can come at me with all that stuff, and you can you can do that, and I'm sure you can justify it any which way you want. Go ahead and do it again and take a look at that kid. If you don't feel empathy, I don't want you around me.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

Yeah, and you are you were on a call, you know, we were on with uh Luvero too, right? And talking about that philosophy of, you know, if you if you coached every child like it was your child, well, and hopefully you love your child, right? But if you coached every child like you would want your child to feel, and the and that and the emotion of being in the car or being in the locker room or being in an unsafe environment, and I don't mean like an unsafe environment physically, just a place where you know it's just not fun to be there, then then we'd we I think we'd all change our perspective. And I've certainly become a much different coach as a parent coach than I ever was as a 23-year-old pro coach. And I think you know, and I and I think that's you know, there's a lot to be said for that as well.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

I agree. But my goal today, my goal today was I wanted to talk about hockey development and kind of illustrate some new ideas as it related to that. And then I also wanted to be able to just offer some things that I think that don't get talked about enough, and maybe that you you guys are in the conversation business. What you're doing is to is is designed to get people to listen, to see if they you know they can resonate with something, and ultimately you're hoping for conversation, and so as this leaves, you hope that it goes out and then there creates a lot of different types of discussion, and uh that's what I hope happens after this.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Yeah, and it will, and I think and I think you know, I just want you to I think I want you to mention um Florida and April 19th and 20th, if you can, real quick. And I think you know, something not on the you know, I don't know how much parent education you're gonna do down there, but I know the coach education and the philosophy of the game is is uh I think it's a big event. So I'd love you to just mention it because this will come out prior to that, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

It's uh it's just rare as my career is taken off. It's just rare for people to get a touch of me and and and these types of ideas. And um, and so I get asked a lot about you know, whether it's coming on a podcast or uh talking about in in different environments, and I just love the in-person. And so the event in Florida is designed to have coaches and parents and players from all different levels to come and talk about have a festival of player development where we talk about all these issues, um, how to improve the capacity of the player from a variety of different ways. Now, a lot of it's gonna be on the skill development part of it, but as you can tell, I believe it it's not just about you know the movement of the player and where the arm needs to be and where the the technical piece is one part, but if you don't have all the other pieces, we're not gonna have it. So we're gonna dig in. Uh, there should be a lot of people there, it'll be a really cool event. And now, after you know, we've tried to do this two years ago, and then COVID, like it did with just about everything, just stopped us in our tracks. But I've been determined to do this in-person event because I feel like you know, like this, like it you get much more out of it, and uh you can feel the passion like resonate, and then it creates conversation, and then you know, I become better and the people around me become better, and and that's that's what it's about. So if anybody's looking to golf and get around, get away and and then mix in some mix in some hockey talk and some uh on ice, we'll do on ice demonstrations, we'll do socials, and then we'll uh there'll be a lecture series as well during the weekend. We're really excited about it. And when is it, Drill? It starts uh April 19th and 20th. In uh in uh it's gonna be in Estero, Florida. We're gonna do it out of the uh out of the arena down there. So it'll be a kind of a unique event because it'll be like an arena event where people will be in the stands, I'll be on a stage, then the rink will be there, the big screen behind us. So it'll be a really unique type of event, not in a lecture hall, you know. Right. I, as you can tell, not overly excited about going into like a university electronic. Like that, I don't know about that. It's to me, I want to be in my church, the rink. And so we're gonna do it in a really unique way.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

That's awesome. Well, listen, you brought the passion here today, man. This was an awesome, awesome episode. And and uh just to affirm you, uh, I learned a lot from this episode. I'm sure Mike and Christy did, which means our audience did as well. Just you dropped gold, man. It's just like dropping gold and people picking it up. So I appreciate you being here. It really, really was an honor to speak with you today. I mean that. Uh I guess I said at the beginning of the episode, I've been following you a long time. So just to be sitting here with you is amazing to me. So uh with that said, I'm gonna close it out. Make sure if you've took value, if you could, if you're watching this or you're listening to this, pick up this book, Belfry Hockey Strategies to Teach the World's Best Athletes. I I have gotten this, I pre-ordered it, Daryl. I remember that. Uh, it's worth every single penny. It's available everywhere, unless I'm mistaken. But that's gonna do it for this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Once again, you can get every single episode at your favorite podcast provider or on our kidsplayhockey.com. Make sure you check out whenhockey stops.com, the new book that Christy and I wrote, which is available now. Uh, Daryl Belfry, thank you so much for being with us today. Thanks for having me. Thanks, guys. All right, so for Mike Vinelli and Christy Cashino Burns, I'm Le Alive. This will be in the next episode of Our Kids Play Hockey. Have a good one.