Finding Your People, Leading with Confidence, and Handling Pressure in Hockey

Hockey teaches players how to skate, pass, shoot, compete, and think quickly.

But some of the most difficult parts of the game have nothing to do with a puck.

What happens when you don’t get along with a teammate? What if you join a new team and feel too shy to talk to anyone? How do you know what real leadership looks like? And when your stomach is full of nerves before a huge moment, how do you know whether that feeling is fear—or simply your body reacting to pressure?

Those were some of the questions Olympic gold medalist and PWHL forward Hayley Scamurra answered in Part 2 of the Our Girls Play Hockey Q&A.

Her answers offered something young players need to hear more often: being a successful teammate does not require everything to be perfect.

You will encounter personalities you don’t click with. You will walk into unfamiliar locker rooms. You will feel nervous before important moments. You will have coaches whose communication style doesn’t always work for you.

The goal is not to avoid all of those situations.

The goal is to learn how to navigate them.

You Don’t Have to Be Best Friends With Every Teammate

One of the most relatable questions came from a player wondering whether Hayley had ever played with a teammate or coach she simply didn’t get along with.

The answer was yes.

From youth hockey through the highest levels of the sport, Hayley has encountered people she did not naturally connect with. At times, she even felt isolated.

Her solution was not to force every relationship.

She learned to find her people.

That might mean spending more time with the teammates who make you feel comfortable, choosing who you carpool with, sitting with different people at meals, or recognizing which relationships leave you energized rather than drained.

There is an important distinction here.

Not being close friends with someone does not give you permission to treat that person poorly.

You can disagree with someone, have different personalities, and never spend time together away from the rink—and still be excellent teammates.

You can still:

• Celebrate their goals

• Defend them on the ice

• Communicate respectfully

• Work toward the same team goals

• Support them when they succeed

• Put the team ahead of personal disagreements

That is maturity.

Young athletes sometimes assume a great team means everyone is best friends.

That is not always realistic.

A great team is one where players can respect one another enough to work together even when their personalities do not perfectly match.

Protect Your Energy

One phrase from Hayley’s answer deserves special attention:

Protect your energy.

Young players can spend enormous amounts of mental energy thinking about someone they don’t like.

Why did she say that?

Why didn’t she pass to me?

Why does she always do that?

Does she dislike me?

Before long, one difficult relationship can occupy far more space in your mind than it deserves.

Lee shared a question he once asked a young player who was extremely frustrated with a teammate:

Do you think that person is thinking about you this much?

The answer was no.

That can be an incredibly freeing realization.

You cannot control every teammate.

You cannot control whether someone likes you.

You cannot control every comment a coach makes.

But you can control how much mental space you give those things.

Sometimes protecting your energy means deciding that a situation does not deserve another hour of your attention.

What If the Difficult Person Is Your Coach?

Relationships with coaches can be more complicated because coaches hold authority.

Players are expected to listen, learn, and respond to instruction.

And they should.

But that does not necessarily mean every comment has to become part of the way a player sees herself.

Hayley described learning how to recognize the difference between feedback that helps her improve and comments that may not be useful.

A player can remain respectful while also developing the internal awareness to think:

Is this information actually helping me become better?

That ability takes time.

Young players should listen to coaches, remain coachable, and be open to correction. At the same time, healthy development means gradually learning how to process feedback without allowing every negative comment to define your confidence.

Coaches Have a Responsibility to Watch Team Dynamics

Team chemistry is not only a player responsibility.

Coaches need to pay attention too.

Hayley discussed how a coach should notice when locker-room relationships begin affecting what happens on the ice.

One example is goal celebrations.

If a player scores and her teammates barely acknowledge it, that might indicate something bigger is happening within the group.

Coaches should observe:

• How players respond to one another’s success

• Whether certain players are consistently excluded

• Whether cliques are hurting the team

• How the bench reacts after goals for and against

• Whether players support each other during difficult moments

Team building should not happen only when a problem appears.

It should be part of the culture from the beginning.

Small activities away from structured hockey can make it easier for players to connect as people instead of simply as teammates competing for ice time.

Being the New Player Is Hard—So Start Small

Another young player asked Hayley how to make friends when joining new teams, especially when teammates live far apart.

Hayley understood the question firsthand.

After moving between several teams in a relatively short period, she has become accustomed to entering new environments and meeting new teammates.

That did not always come naturally.

Hayley described herself as someone who likes routine and a smaller circle of friends. When she was younger, branching out could feel stressful.

Her advice was not to become the loudest person in the locker room overnight.

Start with one conversation.

Sit next to someone new.

Ask what she likes to do outside hockey.

Talk during a workout.

Invite someone to grab food.

Ask a simple question.

Small interactions create familiarity.

And familiarity creates connection.

The Hockey World Is Smaller Than You Think

One advantage Hayley has discovered throughout her professional career is how connected the hockey world becomes over time.

Former teammates become future teammates.

Players you once competed against may eventually sit beside you in another locker room.

College connections overlap with national-team connections. Professional teammates cross paths again years later.

For younger players, that is a reminder that relationships matter.

The player across from you today may become your teammate tomorrow.

The girl sitting quietly across the locker room might become one of your closest friends.

Hockey has a remarkable ability to reconnect people.

Treat those relationships with care.

What Does Great Leadership Actually Look Like?

When asked what she notices in great captains, Hayley focused on qualities that go far beyond wearing a letter.

Great captains are invested in the entire team.

They want to know their teammates.

They work when nobody is watching.

They stay on the ice developing their game.

And they do not necessarily speak constantly.

That last point is important.

Two leaders Hayley knows extremely well—Hilary Knight and Marie-Philip Poulin—are players whose words carry weight precisely because they do not need to dominate every conversation.

When they speak, teammates listen.

Leadership is not always volume.

Sometimes leadership is presence.

Hilary Knight and the Power of Energy

Hayley described one unforgettable example of leadership from Hilary Knight during Team USA’s gold-medal run.

Knight scored a critical tying goal, and Hayley remembered the expression on her face and the intensity she brought back to the bench.

That emotion spread.

One player’s belief helped reinforce everyone else’s belief.

That is part of leadership that statistics cannot measure.

Great leaders change the emotional temperature of a team.

They make teammates believe something is possible.

They can bring calm.

They can create urgency.

They can raise confidence.

And sometimes one look, one shift, or one play communicates more than a long speech ever could.

Marie-Philip Poulin and Leadership Through Action

Hayley also described the leadership of Marie-Philip Poulin.

Poulin leads through effort, sacrifice, consistency, and awareness of the people around her.

She is willing to do the difficult things required to help her team win.

But what stood out most was not a goal.

It was a message.

During the Olympic selection process, Poulin and Laura Stacey reached out to Hayley because they knew she was waiting to learn whether she had made Team USA.

Think about what that means.

They were not trying to make the same Olympic roster.

They would potentially become opponents competing against one another for a gold medal.

And they still took time to offer encouragement.

That is leadership.

Character does not disappear when someone changes jerseys.

Why Great Players Want the Puck in Big Moments

Certain players repeatedly seem to appear when the stakes are highest.

Knight.

Poulin.

Scamurra.

That can look almost mysterious from the outside.

But Hayley explained one reason elite performers thrive in those situations:

They want to be involved.

They want the puck.

They want responsibility.

That confidence also comes from experience.

Elite athletes have experienced both sides of pressure. They know the joy of winning, but they also know what losing feels like.

Those experiences create perspective.

Big-game confidence is rarely built entirely in the big game.

It is built through everything that came before it.

Nervous Does Not Mean Unprepared

One of the strongest lessons for young athletes came when Hayley was asked whether she was surprised to make Team USA.

Her answer?

No.

She was nervous waiting for the phone call.

She felt anxiety.

She felt that familiar pit in her stomach.

But underneath those emotions was something stronger: belief.

She knew what she had done.

She understood her role.

She believed in her abilities.

And she believed she belonged on that team.

This is an important distinction for young players.

Feeling nervous does not automatically mean you are not ready.

Sometimes your body simply understands that the moment matters.

Hayley learned to recognize the anxious voice in her mind without allowing it to erase what she knew about herself.

That awareness can be powerful.

A young player can think:

I feel nervous.

And then also think:

I am still ready.

Both can be true.

Confidence Comes From Evidence

Real confidence is not pretending there is nothing to fear.

It is remembering what you have already done.

You have practiced.

You have competed.

You have learned.

You have handled difficult games before.

You have made mistakes and recovered.

You have earned the right to be where you are.

Confidence becomes stronger when athletes can point to evidence from their own experience.

That is why difficult moments matter.

Every challenge successfully navigated becomes another piece of proof you can carry into the next one.

The Best Olympic Memories Weren’t Only About Hockey

Winning an Olympic gold medal was naturally one of Hayley’s favorite memories from Italy.

But she also highlighted another part of the experience: supporting athletes from Team USA in other sports.

She attended events including figure skating, speed skating, and men’s hockey.

There is something powerful about recognizing the work behind another athlete’s moment.

Olympians understand how much time, sacrifice, discipline, and uncertainty came before the competition everyone else gets to watch.

That mutual support became one of the most meaningful parts of the experience.

It is another reminder that even at the highest level, sport is about people.

And Yes, Eat Your Vegetables

The final question may have carried the greatest responsibility of the entire episode.

Does Olympic gold medalist Hayley Scamurra eat her vegetables?

Yes.

Broccoli.

Green beans.

Asparagus.

Parents everywhere may now replay that section as many times as necessary.

But underneath the fun question is another reminder worth keeping:

Elite athletes are still people.

They laugh.

They get nervous.

They meet new teammates.

They have uncomfortable relationships.

They eat vegetables.

And they continue learning how to handle all of those things.

The Message for Every Girl in Hockey

You do not need to have every relationship figured out.

You do not need to walk into every new locker room feeling fearless.

You do not need to eliminate nervousness before you can perform.

And you certainly do not need to become best friends with every person who wears the same jersey.

You can start smaller.

Introduce yourself.

Ask a question.

Support a teammate.

Protect your energy.

Listen when great leaders speak.

And when pressure arrives, remember that nerves and confidence can exist at the same time.

You belong in the room because of the work you have done to get there.

Keep learning how to trust yourself, connect with the people around you, and become the kind of teammate others want beside them.

And keep listening to Our Girls Play Hockey for more real conversations designed to help girls grow as players, teammates, leaders, and people.