The Car Ride Is Still Not for Coaching — Why Parents Need to Hit the Brakes

🚗 The Ride Home That Can Make or Break a Hockey Kid

Every hockey parent knows the feeling: the game just ended, and the emotions are high. Maybe your child missed a breakaway. Maybe the team blew a lead. You start to talk — or worse, “coach.” But what feels like helpful advice to you can feel like pressure to them.

That’s why the hosts of Our Kids Play Hockey — Lee Elias, Mike Benelli, and Christy Casciano Burns — are revisiting one of their most important lessons: the car ride home is not for coaching.

This episode, inspired by a listener letter from a U-18 coach struggling with an anxious hockey parent, dives into why those 15 minutes after a game matter more than most people realize.

🧠 Why We Coach From the Car

It often starts from a good place — love and care. Parents want their kids to succeed, to “get better,” and to avoid the mistakes they can see so clearly from the stands. But as Lee points out, it usually boils down to two reasons:

1. You played the game and “know what to do.”

2. You see your child’s performance as a reflection of you.

Neither of those motivations make you a bad parent. They make you human. But recognizing them helps you step back — because the car isn’t the right classroom.

❤️ What Your Player Really Needs

Christy reminds parents that the car should feel like a safe space. The ride home is for decompressing, not dissecting. Instead of replaying every shift, let your child take the lead. If they bring it up, listen. If they don’t, talk about music, dinner, or literally anything else.

And if you must say something? Keep it simple. Lee repeats his three golden phrases:

“I love you no matter what happens.”
“Work hard and get better.”
“I love watching you play.”

That’s it. Those words do more for a young player’s confidence than any tactical breakdown ever could.

🏒 For Coaches and Teams

Coaches have a role to play too. Setting expectations early in the season — like “no car coaching” — can change a team’s entire culture. Mike even suggests “hockey homework” to help kids drive the conversation themselves, prompting healthy parent-player discussions that start with the child, not against them.

⏳ The Bigger Picture

Time moves fast in youth hockey. One day, you’re tying skates; the next, you’re watching from the stands as they head off to college. Don’t waste the precious car rides turning connection into criticism.

As the hosts remind us, someday you’ll wish you could sit in that car again — music on, bag in the back, no words needed.

💬 Final Thoughts

If there’s one takeaway from this conversation, it’s this: your kid doesn’t need a coach in the car — they need a parent.

Let the rink be for lessons, and the ride home be for love.