July 27, 2024

Breaking the Ice: Navigating New Teams and Making Connections in Youth Hockey

In this episode of “Our Kids Play Hockey,” hosts Lee Elias and Christy Casciano Burns discuss the challenges and opportunities that come with being the new kid or new family on a hockey team. Whether you’ve switched clubs, moved to a new town, or joined a different hockey team for any reason, this episode offers valuable tips on how to integrate smoothly, make new friends, and create a positive environment. With Mike Bonelli on assignment in Norway, Lee and Christy share personal stories, practical advice, and actionable strategies to help both kids and parents navigate this transition with confidence and ease.

Key Topics:

Understanding the Feelings:
1. Addressing common anxieties and apprehensions.
2. Normalizing the feelings of nervousness and fear of the unknown.
Making a Positive First Impression:
1. Importance of introducing yourself and your child to coaches and other families.
2. Communicating effectively to build relationships and break the ice.
On-Ice Strategies for New Players:
1. Observing and learning drills before trying to impress.
2. Asking questions and seeking help when needed.
3. Balancing between showcasing skills and being a team player.
Off-Ice Strategies for Parents:
1. Getting involved appropriately without overcommitting.
2. Building a supportive parent community.
3. Communicating any special circumstances or needs of your child.
Welcoming New Teammates:
1. How current team members and families can make new players feel included.
2. Encouraging kids to be leaders and positive role models.
Dealing with Challenges:
1. Handling potential jealousy or competition.
2. Using new opportunities to learn and grow.

If you found value in this episode, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Visit OurKidsPlayHockey.com for more episodes and resources. Be sure to follow us on social media for updates and more helpful content.

Stay tuned for more episodes of “Our Kids Play Hockey,” where we provide practical advice and inspiring stories for young hockey players and their families. Thanks for listening!

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00:52 - New Hockey Team Transition Tips

12:31 - Building Positive Team Dynamics

23:21 - Navigating New Player Dynamics in Hockey

30:29 - New Player Integration and Team Dynamics

WEBVTT

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Hello hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome back to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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Our Kids Play Hockey.

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What happens, christy, when you're the new kid playing hockey or the new family joining a hockey team?

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That is today's topic.

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It's the perfect time of year to talk about it.

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You out there, you are either someone who knows or you are a new kid entering to a new team.

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Again, we're not necessarily talking new to hockey here.

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We're talking you've switched clubs, you've switched teams, you moved, something happened where you are joining a different hockey club for this season.

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And today Christy and I are going to discuss the tactics, the tips, the things you need to know when you enter into that new environment, of how to make it peaceful, how to make it fun.

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Once again, christy Casciano-Burns, I'm Lee Elias.

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Mike Benelli is on assignment in Norway this week Lucky guy right, yes, and he's going to come back with so many great hockey stories.

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We can't wait to share them with you.

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So it's just you and me kid.

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That's fine, I'll take it.

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Let's get started.

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I love these episodes.

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Go ahead, christy.

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Why don't you dive in?

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Let's start talking about just the feelings before we get into how to address those feelings.

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So think about it.

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You know it doesn't matter if it's a new team, a new school, you know, a new town.

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There's anxiety, there's apprehension, lots and lots of nervousness for these kids and all these questions pop in their minds what if?

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What if they don't like me?

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What if I'm not good enough?

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What if the coaches mean?

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There's, the kids' stomachs are probably in knots just thinking about all the things that they don't know.

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There's that fear of the unknown.

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So you got to address it.

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You've seen it with kids who've come on board, who are brand new, and I saw it with my own daughter.

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I'll set an example.

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She was at a private school high school.

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Her high school did not have a girls hockey team, not a boys team, but not a girls team.

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The opportunity came knocking on her door to go play for a high school public school.

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She didn't know a single kid on that team.

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No one in her school.

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Her grade played girls, played hockey.

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It was all foreign to them.

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So she decided to be brave and try out for the team.

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But before that, my goodness, wasn't she thinking about everything that could go wrong.

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And the thing that I said to her?

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I said Sophia, yes, all of your concerns are legitimate, that's natural.

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That's normal and this is something you're going to deal with for the rest of life.

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When you go away to college, you could be the only one on that campus from Syracuse, new York, no one else.

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When you start a new job, there's going to be all these people who you don't know anything about.

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And now you're about to try out for a team.

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You know nothing about these girls, but you do have something in common.

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What, mom, what do you think you have hockey in common?

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You're a girl who loves hockey.

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All of those girls on that team love hockey.

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That's something that, oh my dog is so excited about it.

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That's something that no one else in your high school class does.

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So immediate buzz, right there, right there.

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Yeah, and I'll dive into Christy about the feelings and again, anytime you mentioned Sophia, I know that the dog's going to jump up and start talking to us on the air.

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We're a dog-friendly show.

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I've always said this.

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We'll never turn a dog away on this show.

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I want to dive into the feelings too, because, depending on the situation, the feelings can change.

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And this is an interesting topic for me because from the age of 12 to 19, I never played for the same team twice in a row, which is very unique.

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I don't recommend this to people.

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This just happened to be how my journey flowed.

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I don't recommend this to people.

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This was just happened to be how my journey flowed.

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I started hockey a little bit late.

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A lot of this was just me kind of jumping levels and I'm not bragging about that.

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I'm just saying I was on a different team from my second year of Peewee, my first year till college.

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I never had the same team twice.

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And how did you feel about that Before you joined the team?

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There were those what if?

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Questions.

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Right, what if?

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What if, what if?

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Yeah, and again, it depends on the scenario.

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So I remember the first time I went to a new team.

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I was wanted, I was asked to be there.

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I was almost recruited, if you will.

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So it was a nervous excitement of I don't know these kids, but they want me to be here.

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I feel very welcome and I want to be part of this club.

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There were times I had to leave clubs because I didn't feel well.

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Right, and then you go to a new place and you have this weird.

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It's a fresh beginning, but I have no idea what's going to happen.

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Is it going to be good enough?

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Am I going to be good enough?

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Are they going to teach me, are they going to show me the game Right?

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A lot of different times and you know, as you get older you start to learn how to deal with it.

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A lot more, but a lot of different times you got to really sit with your feelings and discuss them.

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Now, luckily, luckily, I had really great parents that sat down with me and really could see that sometimes I was struggling a bit and they would help me at least ask the right questions.

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That was something that I learned, especially about coaching is that you know there's that saying you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make the horse drink.

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Right.

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So a lot of times, what I like to do is provide the person I'm mentoring or teaching with the right questions.

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They should be asking Right, it's not really on me to give them the answer.

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Right, I think this is a mistake a lot of people make.

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Well, they don't feel that way.

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You should feel this way.

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Well, I mean, that's an easy thing to say.

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The question you should ask is what are you feeling?

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Can you identify it?

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Okay, why do you think you're feeling that way?

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Parents, you probably know the answer.

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Right, you were a kid once too.

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We always say, oh, that kid wants to, but you gotta let your kids explore that Cause.

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Christy, you made this really great point.

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What I learned in those you know, five years, six years, is how to do it Right.

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So by the time I got out of school and I'm in college, going to job interviews, going to new jobs, it was I don't want to say it was easy, but, man, I knew what I had to do.

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I understood my feelings, I understood the situation and I think that gave me a massive competitive advantage in interviews, because I had done so many.

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I've seen that with my own daughter too, and even going off to college she knew how to acclimate so well because she had been in situations where it's and there was no one else on her college campus.

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From Syracuse, New York, she was it.

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So it repeats in your life.

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So learning these early coping skills will really benefit your kid throughout their lives.

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Yeah Well, and I can tell you this too, my wife served honorably in the United States Air Force and in that scenario you have to move Three years, you go into a completely new place and sometimes a new country with new people, and I remember I always had a pretty seamless transition.

00:07:06.459 --> 00:07:10.435
That wasn't as easy for her, but it goes back to what I was saying.

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I've had to do this my whole, pretty much teen and adult life.

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So we're going to discuss some of those things today that make that easy.

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I'm not going to lie to you Anytime we moved, anytime we changed teams, anytime I changed schools, jobs, you're going to feel a little apprehension, you're going to feel a little anxiety, but I think once you realize, look, that's normal, right, and then you can ask these questions hey, what do I bring to the table?

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What kind of person do I want to be?

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Now, let's, let's.

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I'm going on a soapbox, let's reel it back.

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Show is based off of my kids play hockey available.

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But Christy chapter I think it was 52, 52, the new kid on the team is what gave us this idea to talk about today.

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But I think that the first thing is let's, let's look at it from the kid and the family perspective.

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The first thing you should do is get yourself involved and communicate and talk and introduce yourself right.

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If you just show up, it can be really hard, all right.

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And, to be fair, sometimes families show up and nobody talks to them.

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I'm going to talk about that a little bit later in the episode Communicate, introduce yourself to the coaches.

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Hi, I'm Mr or Mrs.

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This is my son or daughter.

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Hopefully your kid is old enough to do that themselves as well and actually have a conversation.

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Right Time's not to do this Five minutes before the first practice Coach is thinking this could be a phone call.

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This could be.

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Can we get a cup of coffee?

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Have a 15, 20 minute conversation with the coach, with the coaches, and just explain who you are and then, when you get around the other families, introduce yourself.

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All right.

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Hockey's already contentious enough.

00:08:43.842 --> 00:08:46.748
Right Break those boundaries right away.

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You agree with that?

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Yeah, oh yeah.

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Introduce yourself.

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Don't be that parent who stands off in the corner and because people get impressions from that, oh they're not good enough to be with the rest of us, right, you know, they're reading you.

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They're trying to read you to be with the rest of us.

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They're reading you, they're trying to read you.

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And if you're throwing off these vibes that you don't want to be part of the team, immediately you're going to get labeled.

00:09:11.729 --> 00:09:14.544
Oh, they didn't even want to come sit with us.

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Oh, look at that, they're off on a corner.

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You know, introduce yourself, explain who you are, tell them who your kid is.

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Share the number.

00:09:23.182 --> 00:09:25.054
Oh my, what's the Jersey number, right?

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Which one's yours?

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Which one's yours?

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Which one is yours, mine's 15, you know.

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Oh, okay, so then cause, parents like to connect the kids with the parent and to kind of put it all together.

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You definitely have a conversation with a coach early on.

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Let them know who you are, uh, what your kid is all about.

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If there's any kind of special circumstances with your kid, open up that door communication early, so that they kind of know you know.

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Hey, you know my daughter has certain issues with I don't know.

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I had that.

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We had this one parent whose daughter had issues with her.

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Her skin it was very sensitive and so she had to wear kind of some some special gear.

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So right away, the parent let everybody know so that there weren't any kind of misconceptions about what was going on there.

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And I love that, I love when parents are really open with you and explain situations.

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Like you know, my kid's a diabetic, so that's why I have to pull them off the ice and and and, knowing that we all carry, you know, sugar snacks, in case she ran out in her friend.

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You know all that stuff, all those little things that kind of make either your family unique or special, all those little things that kind of make either your family unique or special, you know.

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Let other parents in on that, because you really will bond closely and you will help each other and develop as a team.

00:10:50.462 --> 00:10:53.365
But the more you know about each other, the better it is.

00:10:53.365 --> 00:11:08.583
The other thing is when the kid finally gets to walk in the locker room, you know, make sure that they're carrying an aura of positivity about them, because kids will gravitate toward that.

00:11:08.583 --> 00:11:12.421
If there's a chip on the shoulder, tell them knock that chip off.

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You're not better than the rest of the kids just because you came from a triple A team and you know you're going to be with kids who may not be up to your level.

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Be helpful, be positive.

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Don't fall into the trap of that negative gossipy.

00:11:30.404 --> 00:11:34.816
You know circles that can happen and that's the same for parents too.

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And I think if you set that tone in the beginning it's going to be so much better for you for the whole season.

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And I'll say this too make sure that you're very clear with your instructions.

00:11:47.341 --> 00:11:48.932
I'll give you a quick, funny example.

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I told a new kid one time hey, be a leader.

00:11:51.538 --> 00:11:53.230
Just kind of like yeah, go be a leader in there.

00:11:53.230 --> 00:11:57.596
Which I meant by example, you know, just work hard, be a leader.

00:11:57.596 --> 00:12:06.629
And that kid took that as when, going in there and saying God bless him, it was my fault, he said I'm in charge, I'm the leader, and I was like oh no, that's not what I meant at all.

00:12:06.669 --> 00:12:08.015
That went over like a ton of bricks.

00:12:08.289 --> 00:12:09.873
It was my fault, though, cause I didn't.

00:12:09.873 --> 00:12:10.533
I didn't.

00:12:10.533 --> 00:12:12.839
I could have just said hey, I just want you to lead by example.

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Right, I spoke to him, I'm the captain.

00:12:16.765 --> 00:12:24.956
That's kind of how we took it, and again, like, like, as an adult, I, I took that, I said it the way I would have taken it at my age but again he was.

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He was younger, so I had to pull your words carefully and say, yeah, no, look, this is what I meant.

00:12:29.702 --> 00:12:30.283
That's my fault.

00:12:30.283 --> 00:12:31.125
I told him it's my fault.

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All right, um, be a leader on the ice.

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Nobody remembered it and he was.

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He was a leader on the ice after that.

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But what you say and what you explore really matters.

00:12:39.317 --> 00:12:40.339
All right, um.

00:12:40.339 --> 00:12:50.770
And again, look, especially when you're dealing with kids, speaking to the kids a little bit here too, a little bit of horseplay, jabbing, talking back and forth, maybe a little making fun of sometimes.

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That's how kids break bonds.

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I don't love it, it's not my favorite thing, but always remember this when no one's talking to you parents or kids that's a problem.

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When people are talking to you, I'm not talking about bullying, my friends.

00:13:08.496 --> 00:13:09.760
I'm just talking about the normal talk in a locker room.

00:13:09.760 --> 00:13:10.523
Right, that can be a good thing too.

00:13:10.523 --> 00:13:11.125
Um, like again, we had a kid.

00:13:11.125 --> 00:13:12.931
Oh yeah, that that, because I can remember my son walking into the locker room.

00:13:12.931 --> 00:13:21.860
He was, you know, new on the team and one of the kids said something like you're really gonna wear that sweatshirt because you know they were opposite opposite.

00:13:21.860 --> 00:13:25.977
Yeah, you know, a little smack like you're really going to wear that into this locker room.

00:13:26.139 --> 00:13:33.011
And joey knew right away I'm going to bond with this kid, right yeah, don't internalize it to the point that you get inside your own head.

00:13:33.011 --> 00:13:39.317
Right, if someone's talking to you, that's a good thing, and saying that with parents uh, christy, you said this earlier but I want to say it the parents are a team as well.

00:13:39.317 --> 00:13:40.399
The parents are a team as well.

00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:48.458
The parents are a team as well, and we've all in youth hockey had good parenting teams and bad parenting teams, or or or split decision.

00:13:48.479 --> 00:13:51.576
I always like to say sometimes there's a sane and insane.

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You know, you know who you are.

00:13:52.801 --> 00:13:57.658
But the point I'm trying to make is that you know, you gotta have those conversations, you gotta get to know each other.

00:13:57.658 --> 00:14:02.220
Another great example you know my son has asthma and again, I made that known.

00:14:02.220 --> 00:14:10.491
It was important and you know, there were situations during the season where he didn't have the inhaler or someone didn't have their inhaler, and we knew that and we were able to help that kid out.

00:14:10.491 --> 00:14:14.850
I mean, again, that's a lot more medical, but that's the, that's the bond right you got to find.

00:14:14.870 --> 00:14:26.706
Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up Because that that's really important, that everybody knows that, because you know parents may get the wrong impression about the kid if he's having trouble breathing.

00:14:26.706 --> 00:14:28.456
Oh, you know what's wrong with that kid.

00:14:28.456 --> 00:14:30.437
Oh, I get it.

00:14:30.437 --> 00:14:31.914
You know he has asthma.

00:14:31.934 --> 00:14:35.860
That makes sense, the other kids might not even know what asthma is, right, right.

00:14:35.860 --> 00:14:38.097
So I mean, I mean that Sometimes you know.

00:14:38.097 --> 00:14:40.539
If you don't know it or no one tells you about it, you see a kid hyperventilating.

00:14:40.539 --> 00:14:41.301
You think what's going on?

00:14:41.301 --> 00:14:44.705
Yeah Right, so little things like that are important as well.

00:14:44.705 --> 00:14:51.121
But I want to go back to the positive attitude, and so this is going to kind of apply both the kids on the ice and parents in the stands.

00:14:51.769 --> 00:14:52.551
Don't overdo it.

00:14:52.551 --> 00:14:54.293
Don't overdo it.

00:14:54.293 --> 00:14:59.278
If you're a new kid on the ice and you don't know the drills, you don't have to go first to prove a point.

00:14:59.278 --> 00:15:01.240
Let the team do the drills, watch them and learn.

00:15:01.240 --> 00:15:12.817
I'll tell you right now, as a coach, christy, that I don't want anybody messing up the drills, and I definitely don't want you messing up the drills because you're trying to make a good impression or trying to be overzealous with your impression.

00:15:12.817 --> 00:15:16.360
I'd rather you learn the drills and execute them well, right.

00:15:16.450 --> 00:15:22.700
And I also rather, if you don't know a drill or you've watched it and you don't get it, you should come up to me and say I don't get this, can you help me?

00:15:22.700 --> 00:15:27.914
And I might say look, after practice, I'll show you for sure, but that's the type of stuff I'm looking for.

00:15:27.914 --> 00:15:30.400
Ease yourself in to the team.

00:15:30.400 --> 00:15:32.451
If you don't understand something, ask.

00:15:32.451 --> 00:15:40.022
Another part of not being overzealous is, if you're old enough that you're playing a system or a four check, ask.

00:15:40.022 --> 00:15:40.743
If you don't get it.

00:15:40.743 --> 00:15:41.143
Don't.

00:15:41.143 --> 00:15:45.355
Don't just go out there and try and do what you think you need to do Ask.

00:15:45.816 --> 00:15:48.542
I've said it before One of the greatest coaches I've ever had.

00:15:48.542 --> 00:16:03.312
He could see that in my I think it was my third year of playing that my skills were improving very fast, but I didn't have an understanding of the tactical side of the game yet, cause it was so green to the game and he showed up an hour before every practice and showed me stuff on a whiteboard.

00:16:03.312 --> 00:16:10.076
I am forever thankful for that man for doing that, cause he was the guy I needed to learn and I wanted to learn.

00:16:10.076 --> 00:16:11.846
I've always attributed.

00:16:11.846 --> 00:16:14.635
That's probably one of the reasons I became a coach is because of those, those sessions.

00:16:14.635 --> 00:16:17.029
But ask, don't be overzealous on the ice.

00:16:17.029 --> 00:16:19.033
Ease your way in parents, the same thing.

00:16:19.033 --> 00:16:24.845
You don't need to go in and volunteer for every little thing and burn yourself out and overdo it.

00:16:24.845 --> 00:16:25.927
People see that stuff.

00:16:25.927 --> 00:16:27.649
Just go in there and be a good person.

00:16:27.890 --> 00:16:31.601
We do need to step up and be a part of the team and volunteer.

00:16:31.601 --> 00:16:38.331
Don't assume that everybody's going to because you're new on the team and there's a well-oiled machine and you don't want to step and ruin anything.

00:16:38.331 --> 00:16:38.772
They need your help.

00:16:38.772 --> 00:16:40.613
They you don't want to step and ruin anything, they need your help.

00:16:40.613 --> 00:16:42.173
They always do so.

00:16:42.173 --> 00:16:48.438
You know, don't overdo it, but definitely don't set back that you're just letting everybody else do the work.

00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:54.703
With that said, I think getting involved in an appropriate way, like you're saying, is the best thing you can do.

00:16:54.703 --> 00:16:57.245
I'm just saying don't volunteer for 75 positions.

00:16:57.245 --> 00:17:05.709
Just get involved, right, just get involved and see what you can do.

00:17:05.709 --> 00:17:11.277
So I'll tell a really cool story here about a young man that I coached, that he moved from another state mid season this was a few years ago.

00:17:11.277 --> 00:17:19.392
He jumped on my son's team and he was a little bit taller than everybody else and a little bigger than everybody else and you could tell he was nervous.

00:17:19.392 --> 00:17:26.719
He was somewhat newer to the game Again, younger ages I think we're talking eight you at this point and he started to kind of bully the kids a little bit.

00:17:26.719 --> 00:17:28.877
So when anybody would make fun of him he'd throw a punch.

00:17:28.877 --> 00:17:31.439
Really, this is where this was going, where he'd push him.

00:17:32.371 --> 00:17:41.720
He had the size to do that and it was getting to the point where I noticed as a coach and as a parent, it's starting to concern people and the fact that you're the kids of bully.

00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:43.412
I want that kid to stop hitting my kid.

00:17:43.412 --> 00:17:46.779
None of those sentiments were correct.

00:17:46.779 --> 00:17:49.813
I'm sorry, incorrect, but they weren't providing any solutions.

00:17:49.813 --> 00:17:55.957
So I pulled the kid aside and just started talking to him like hey, how's it going, how's your new school, how's the new team?

00:17:55.957 --> 00:18:19.251
Very shy, and I knew right then that this is this is how he is choosing to respond to the anxiety he's feeling, to the to the nervousness that he's feeling, and so all I did um, you know, along with his parents, was just talk to him and ease them in and have them have a good time, and I started putting him in situations where he had to be cooperative with his teammates, not not, uh, you know, versus his teammates all the time.

00:18:19.251 --> 00:18:23.583
And as they got to know him, you saw the bullying start to go down.

00:18:23.730 --> 00:18:29.278
We did have a conversation that that's not the appropriate way to get your teammates to like you All right, I don't want to.

00:18:29.430 --> 00:18:31.737
I don't want it to be left that we didn't say that.

00:18:31.737 --> 00:18:33.172
We told him you have to stop doing that.

00:18:33.172 --> 00:18:35.138
You're becoming a disruption and that's not okay.

00:18:35.138 --> 00:18:51.304
But slowly but surely he he eased his way in, he became a good member of the team and he's one of my son's best friends now right, and I don't even remember that time period but one of my kid's best friends, but he's a real asset on the team that he's on right.

00:18:51.384 --> 00:18:59.053
But it was about the way we started the show, recognizing the behavior he was lashing out because he was nervous and he had no friends.

00:18:59.053 --> 00:19:04.400
He had moved and he felt the need to prove himself and that's how it manifested itself.

00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:08.346
As coaches, it's really our job to recognize that behavior.

00:19:08.346 --> 00:19:17.029
Now, if it didn't stop I have to say this too, christy if it didn't stop and he continued to do that, we would have gone in a different direction with discipline and other things.

00:19:17.029 --> 00:19:21.900
I'm not going to allow a kid to bully anybody on my team, but I didn't jump to conclusions.

00:19:21.900 --> 00:19:26.429
Allow a kid to bully anybody on my team, but I didn't jump to conclusions.

00:19:26.469 --> 00:19:34.767
And his parents, who are wonderful, wonderful people, because I remember thinking these are really wonderful people and this kid's being kind of a jerk and that doesn't compute right.

00:19:34.767 --> 00:19:45.231
Usually the kids that are jerks their parents are of that branch too and I talked to them too and it was a cooperative experience and they were so appreciative of it.

00:19:45.231 --> 00:19:47.800
But I told him I really think your kid's a great kid.

00:19:47.800 --> 00:19:54.398
I also understood having switched teams so many times, I understood what he was feeling, right?

00:19:54.398 --> 00:20:01.357
So the broad point I'm making is this it's responsibility on all of us that if you have a new kid, to make sure that you help ease that kid in.

00:20:01.357 --> 00:20:07.684
Kids are going to exude different forms of behavior If they're in that situation.

00:20:07.684 --> 00:20:11.762
It might be bullying, it might be really quiet, it might be shy, it might be great.

00:20:11.762 --> 00:20:15.459
Some kids thrive in that environment, but you got to recognize the behaviors.

00:20:15.459 --> 00:20:20.894
Just rounding this out again, um, from a coaching standpoint, a parent standpoint, even a kid standpoint.

00:20:21.695 --> 00:20:25.862
Right, so we talked about when your kid is the new kid on the team.

00:20:25.862 --> 00:20:41.835
Let's also bring into the discussion what happens if a new kid is joining the team and your kid's already bonded with a whole group and you're a tight knit group and outsiders coming in and maybe that kid was somebody who right the outsider.

00:20:41.875 --> 00:20:48.477
Maybe that kid was on a team that you played against and he was, you know.

00:20:48.477 --> 00:20:56.076
Maybe he was the competition or he was the kid that you hated, and now now you have to play with him or her.

00:20:56.076 --> 00:20:59.663
So have a conversation with your kids, too.

00:20:59.663 --> 00:21:08.175
When you know a new kid is coming on the team, hey look, this isn't easy for Alex, this isn't easy for Sophia.

00:21:08.175 --> 00:21:12.676
The new kids on the team, make them feel welcome.

00:21:12.676 --> 00:21:13.940
You need to do that.

00:21:13.940 --> 00:21:14.801
That's your job.

00:21:14.801 --> 00:21:23.845
You need to be a part of making that kid feel like they're also part of your team and belong there.

00:21:23.845 --> 00:21:32.461
So your kids also play an important role in being welcoming, as much as the parents need to do that, too, with new families that come on board as well.

00:21:33.089 --> 00:21:35.077
Yeah, I think you're hitting the nail on the head here.

00:21:35.077 --> 00:21:46.894
I was always taught and God bless my parents for kind of instilling this in me that when I got a new teammate I was pretty quick to go up and introduce myself, even at a young age, and just say, hey, I'm Lee, welcome to the team, glad you're here.

00:21:46.894 --> 00:21:50.329
You know, sometimes most of the time they turn out to be a great teammate.

00:21:50.329 --> 00:21:54.115
Sometimes they didn't, but I wasn't going to not do that, right.

00:21:54.115 --> 00:21:55.676
And the same thing with the family.

00:21:55.676 --> 00:22:07.884
You know, I can tell you right now, especially if, if a family is from another place, maybe English isn't their first language it's a big deal to them when you go up to them and introduce yourself.

00:22:07.884 --> 00:22:09.977
All right, Because parents can be very shy too.

00:22:10.470 --> 00:22:18.416
They don't want to mess up the waters or the ice in this case, right, exactly, I'm telling you this right now, to everybody listening If you have a new family, show up.

00:22:18.416 --> 00:22:27.558
It is a huge deal to them If you just go up and say, hey, I'm Lee, I'm Logan or I'm Alina's dad, that's them right there on the ice.

00:22:27.558 --> 00:22:28.320
You know which ones.

00:22:28.320 --> 00:22:28.741
You're a kid.

00:22:28.741 --> 00:22:31.877
That little conversation breaks the ice.

00:22:32.961 --> 00:22:34.373
You know, pun intended, I love that.

00:22:34.373 --> 00:22:37.130
Maybe that's what we'll call this episode breaking the ice.

00:22:37.190 --> 00:22:42.603
Breaking the ice of being a new hockey kid or new family, but I just also think this goes beyond hockey.

00:22:42.603 --> 00:22:44.335
But it's just the right thing to do, right?

00:22:44.335 --> 00:22:54.060
You know, if someone moves into your neighborhood this is something I'm seeing now we don't see as much in society you know, if someone moves into the house across the street, obviously give them a minute but go introduce yourself.

00:22:54.060 --> 00:22:54.651
That's your neighbor.

00:22:54.651 --> 00:22:57.557
You're going to be living with this person on your street.

00:22:57.557 --> 00:22:59.383
It's no different in hockey.

00:22:59.962 --> 00:23:09.369
You know, and there are going to be some parents who fear that the new kid is going to take my kid's spot on that line right yeah, yeah, it happens.

00:23:09.369 --> 00:23:23.684
I mean it's a ridiculous fear, but it does go through your mind, it does happen and they can get nasty and they can try and get you to join them in you know being nasty to that family.

00:23:23.684 --> 00:23:24.405
It happens.

00:23:24.968 --> 00:23:34.323
Yeah, and what I always tell families is like this is, assuming there's not extreme politics on a team, that's chosen on my teams by the performance on the ice.

00:23:34.323 --> 00:23:44.903
And even if I have a kid and this is my, my, my coaching philosophy not everybody shares this, but Mike says it too If I pick a kid on my team, I pick them so they could play Right.

00:23:44.903 --> 00:23:57.590
And I think one of the things that I see a lot, christy, just to snap on this point real quick is there's a little too much focus on what line is my kid on and not enough focus on this is the team my kid is on.

00:23:58.373 --> 00:24:14.260
All right, because I can tell you right now that a third line center is just as important as a first line center, as long as they understand their role or or a bottom defenseman, however you want to quantify it on a team, everyone needs to know that part of the team and they have a role in that team.

00:24:14.260 --> 00:24:15.988
Everyone in youth hockey should play.

00:24:15.988 --> 00:24:22.061
There's no scenario where a kid should not be on that ice playing 99% of the season.

00:24:22.061 --> 00:24:25.481
All right, but that's the, the note.

00:24:25.481 --> 00:24:28.722
I always try and tell every family and every kid Well, why isn't my kid on the top line?

00:24:28.722 --> 00:24:32.372
I sometimes I'll ask well, what is the top line mean to you?

00:24:32.372 --> 00:24:39.121
I'll ask that to families, right, and what they don't want to say is what's the best players on the team?

00:24:39.121 --> 00:24:43.451
Because it sounds weird when you say that, right, your kids on the team.

00:24:43.451 --> 00:24:44.162
They're part of the team.

00:24:44.162 --> 00:24:45.067
They understand the, the role.

00:24:45.569 --> 00:24:48.763
I also think, too, parents can sometimes disconnect.

00:24:48.763 --> 00:24:49.807
I'm speaking from experience.

00:24:49.807 --> 00:24:53.363
They can disconnect from what the kid is actually feeling.

00:24:53.363 --> 00:24:55.788
I've had so many parents uh, not so many.

00:24:55.788 --> 00:24:59.951
I've had parents come up to me and say my kid's not having a good time and it's it's.

00:24:59.951 --> 00:25:02.119
You know, I'm like I don't get that impression.

00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:03.864
Have you talked to the kid about that?

00:25:03.864 --> 00:25:08.192
I said are you not having a good time and I'll kind of I'll kind of massage.

00:25:08.192 --> 00:25:09.737
What made my way into that conversation?

00:25:09.737 --> 00:25:13.266
Are you not enjoying yourself, and that you think that that's the experience?

00:25:13.266 --> 00:25:24.208
And and it's not always the case sometimes it's like, well, I'm not happy about this, I'm like all right, well, your kid is happy, let's, let's talk about why you're not happy, but don't come, he's not happy when I see him smiling.

00:25:24.208 --> 00:25:27.394
The whole practice exactly, yeah um.

00:25:27.473 --> 00:25:38.185
So these are some of the outcomes if you don't talk yeah, I have seen jealousy among parents that really it eats them up, it.

00:25:39.126 --> 00:25:50.819
they get so bitter and nasty and they try to spew poison in the team because their, their kid, got replaced, because they weren't really performing where the coach thought they should.

00:25:50.819 --> 00:25:56.510
The coach thought they're better suited on the third line instead of the first line.

00:25:56.510 --> 00:25:59.866
Because here's this new kid hey man, it is really good.

00:25:59.866 --> 00:26:12.749
And this one mom, she, oh, she could not handle it, couldn't handle it and it just became she just awful for her.

00:26:12.749 --> 00:26:14.453
She didn't enjoy the season.

00:26:14.775 --> 00:26:23.329
She's always, you know, uh, complaining and finding fault with the coaches, with the new player.

00:26:23.329 --> 00:26:35.290
It's just, it was eating her up, um, so, hopefully, if any parent is listening out there and that situation happens to you, do you really want that to be the case?

00:26:35.290 --> 00:26:59.424
Um, a whole season just ruined because you can't get over the fact that your kid needs to work a little harder, needs to play a little, uh, work on their speed, instead of using it as a positive and saying, look it, you know you're not, and also poisoning the kid too with that kid's there because you know, they know somebody, it's all politics.

00:26:59.424 --> 00:27:02.189
No, that kid is there because that kid's good.

00:27:02.701 --> 00:27:10.682
You know, just accept the fact that sometimes in competition the better player gets the better job.

00:27:10.682 --> 00:27:13.226
It's just the way it works.

00:27:14.568 --> 00:27:17.653
I was able to, and I do this with the kids I coach too.

00:27:17.653 --> 00:27:25.503
When I see I saw a kid that was better than me, my brain would turn towards it, not in a jealous way, but in a good way.

00:27:25.503 --> 00:27:33.432
Okay, I want to compete against that kid because I'll learn something If I skate with him, if I keep up with him, if I challenge him.

00:27:33.432 --> 00:27:36.435
I might lose 10 times out of 10, but I'm going to learn something.

00:27:36.435 --> 00:27:38.020
It's the only way you really grow in the game.

00:27:38.020 --> 00:27:43.988
If a new kid shows up for the rest of the team, if that kid is extremely talented, this is an opportunity for you.

00:27:43.988 --> 00:27:45.650
I'll equate it easier, right?

00:27:45.650 --> 00:27:52.823
I've been on teams where the goalie is by far the best player on the team by far and that goalie has a choice to make.

00:27:52.823 --> 00:28:03.525
They can roll their eyes and say I'm too good for this team, or they can look at the team and I've had conversations with goalies about this and say you're so good that our kids are going to become better shooters just by shooting on you at practice.

00:28:03.525 --> 00:28:10.555
But you have to give them your all Right, and it's usually nine times out of 10 turns into a really good experience for everyone.

00:28:10.555 --> 00:28:13.188
And look, if a kid is is honestly too good for that level.

00:28:13.188 --> 00:28:14.743
I hope that they excel.

00:28:14.743 --> 00:28:15.327
I just saw this.

00:28:15.327 --> 00:28:23.509
Last season we had a Peewee in our organization excelling and he's going up to a higher level this year and he's happy for him because it was done the right way.

00:28:23.509 --> 00:28:24.832
But he's ready to move up.

00:28:24.832 --> 00:28:31.481
Um, yeah, it wasn't too early, it wasn't too late.

00:28:31.481 --> 00:28:32.405
It was the right time for this kid to move up.

00:28:32.425 --> 00:28:35.861
But, to your point, if a kid that comes in with more talent, that's an opportunity for everyone to learn, assuming that that kid has the right attitude.

00:28:35.861 --> 00:28:37.923
That comes down to parenting coaching as well.

00:28:37.923 --> 00:28:40.586
Um, yeah, I hate it when I hear it.

00:28:40.586 --> 00:28:42.248
While my kids shouldn't be here, they should be there.

00:28:42.248 --> 00:28:43.589
Well then, you coach the team.

00:28:43.589 --> 00:28:47.173
If Mike was here, you coach the team and you, you understand the cohesion Cause.

00:28:47.193 --> 00:28:59.821
I can tell you right now, parents, if you load up a top line and lines two and three and if you have a fourth line or not there, you're not going to win many hockey games, or or you are going to win a lot of games and a lot of your kids are not going to be involved in those games.

00:28:59.821 --> 00:29:02.808
Right, it's a development situation.

00:29:02.808 --> 00:29:08.162
Last story for me again, using my own experience, because it's kind of pertinent to this episode.

00:29:08.162 --> 00:29:11.351
I remember I switched the team one time again, as I did every year.

00:29:11.351 --> 00:29:14.410
I was easily the fastest skater on this team.

00:29:14.410 --> 00:29:15.473
I was driven.

00:29:15.473 --> 00:29:16.979
They gave me an A on my jersey.

00:29:16.979 --> 00:29:25.692
I mean they really built me up in a really great way and they put me on the third line as a center and I remember at first going up to the coach of like I don't understand.

00:29:25.711 --> 00:29:29.032
What a blow right as a center, and I remember at first, going up to the coach of like I don't understand.

00:29:29.032 --> 00:29:29.444
I didn't understand.

00:29:29.444 --> 00:29:29.742
I was like, wait a minute here.

00:29:29.742 --> 00:29:31.057
Like you're giving me all these, are you just?

00:29:31.057 --> 00:29:31.365
Is it lip service?

00:29:31.661 --> 00:29:32.584
And did this coach's credit.

00:29:32.584 --> 00:29:34.281
He sat me down and he said look, and this is true.

00:29:34.281 --> 00:29:35.948
He says you're having problems scoring.

00:29:35.948 --> 00:29:36.529
And he was right.

00:29:36.529 --> 00:29:39.490