Dec. 9, 2023

Communication As A Tool In Youth Hockey with Coach Pete Whitney

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

Ever wondered why some sports teams perform far better than others, despite having similar levels of talent? One answer lies within the realm of communication, and in our latest conversation with the insightful retired NCAA coach, Pete Whitney, we shine a light on this often overlooked, yet critical aspect of team sports. Together, we explore the communication dynamic in hockey, tracing its influence from youth leagues up to the NCAA level, and discussing how it can often be the determining factor between a winning and losing team.

Retired NCAA Coach Pete Whitney shines a spotlight on the multifaceted nature of communication on a hockey team. From 21-year-old freshman athletes to high school teams and younger, the necessity of creating a comfortable environment for meaningful exchanges is stressed upon. With a perfect blend of old-school values and new-age technology, we talk about how tools like group texts can foster team unity, while also emphasizing the human-driven elements of active engagement and trust-building. We also put forth some valuable perspective on coaching high school level teams - a feat that requires a deft balancing act of clear communication, expectation setting, and understanding the trials of growing athletes.

Wrapping up our conversation, we cast our gaze on the younger rungs of the sports ladder, discussing strategies on how to develop effective communication skills in young athletes, all the way from U6 to U14 levels. Equating young players to molten lava, we underscore the need for adult guidance, patience, and the teaching of social etiquette to mould them into mature, respectful individuals. Before we sign off, we focus on the complexities of coaching, setting realistic expectations, and the importance of fostering a positive environment for emerging talent. 

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00:51 - The Importance of Communication in Hockey

12:26 - Expectations and Communication in Athletics

23:43 - Coach's Guide to High School Teams

34:09 - Youth Sports Communication and Social Etiquette

37:30 - Effective Communication in Youth Organizations

47:49 - Effective Communication Strategies in Youth Hockey

57:25 - Coaching Strategies and Prioritization in Hockey

WEBVTT

00:00:07.972 --> 00:00:13.766
You know we're always saying that communication is the most important aspect of how things go good or go bad in hockey.

00:00:13.766 --> 00:00:17.170
I often say 10 out of 10 problems are caused by poor communication.

00:00:17.170 --> 00:00:36.911
So we brought our friend in, retired coach from the NCAA, pete Whitney, to help us discuss the importance of communication all the way from the NCAA level down to the might level and how we can implement different things to teach our kids how to be a better communicators and then, more importantly, what's expected of them as they get to that NCAA level.

00:00:36.911 --> 00:00:39.287
When you walk in that locker room, what are coaches expecting?

00:00:39.287 --> 00:00:40.905
So a lot of great knowledge dropped on this one.

00:00:40.905 --> 00:00:43.405
It's always great to have Pete Whitney on the episode.

00:00:43.405 --> 00:00:45.063
Also want to let you know again.

00:00:45.063 --> 00:00:50.338
You guys get a really nice discount over at hockeywrapperoncom when you use the code OKPH.

00:00:50.338 --> 00:00:54.790
You know if it's the holiday time when you're listening to this, you get a lot of things thrown at you.

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Our deal with you is year round OKPH.

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Or the children's book that Christie and I wrote when Hockey Stops is available there as well, can be personalized Again hockeywrapperoncom OKPH at checkout for a 20% discount on your purchase and you get the good feeling of knowing that you're helping us out over at our Kids Play Hockey.

00:01:23.709 --> 00:01:26.144
Let's dive into this episode with Pete Whitney.

00:01:26.144 --> 00:01:33.905
Hello hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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Today, topic's going to be really important.

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Today we're talking about communication as a skill set, and if you're listening to this at the debut, it is the holiday season.

00:01:42.308 --> 00:01:44.527
Now this episode's going to be evergreen.

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You can listen to this year round, which means Christmas and Hanukkah in July, in January.

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Whenever you're listening to this episode, it's going to make sense.

00:01:51.248 --> 00:01:53.867
But for today's purpose, we're heading into the holidays.

00:01:53.867 --> 00:02:11.586
We're, honestly, communication has to be better than at any other point of the season, in my opinion, because the communication you do now mid season, usually tends to help you later on in the season and helping us with this conversation today, someone we've had on the show multiple times, so I'm not going to do a long introduction.

00:02:11.586 --> 00:02:15.330
He's one of our favorite guests to have, retired NCAA coach, pete Whitney.

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Pete, thank you for being here today.

00:02:16.985 --> 00:02:19.043
Three times means you get a free.

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Our Kids Play Hockey mug Pete.

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Congratulations.

00:02:21.229 --> 00:02:21.971
That'll be in the mail soon.

00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:26.310
I will not allow anyone else in my family to ever drink from that mug.

00:02:26.941 --> 00:02:27.866
Well, that's probably good.

00:02:27.866 --> 00:02:30.268
It's kind of like the Indiana Jones Cup.

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At the end, it gives you everlasting hockey life, if you have it.

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At least that's what we're told, that's what they say to sell it to us.

00:02:35.109 --> 00:02:37.086
But, pete, it's great to have you here today.

00:02:37.086 --> 00:02:58.066
Again, this is the topic I know we've discussed off of the show before and we're really going to tap into your knowledge here from the NCAA level, but also how that transcends down all the way down to might, because communication, as I said, it's a skill set and I think that there's a lot of reasons why we're not doing a great job teaching that from a societal level.

00:02:58.066 --> 00:03:07.629
I also think that there's a lot of finger pointing at younger people when it comes to communication about technology, and we've all said, hey, you're always on your phone, you're always on your phone.

00:03:07.629 --> 00:03:10.759
Well, that's the reality of the situation, right, mike?

00:03:10.759 --> 00:03:14.631
I'm going to throw it to you first, because Mike deals with this stuff all the time.

00:03:14.631 --> 00:03:18.370
Mike, why don't we just get your general thoughts on communication as a skill set?

00:03:18.370 --> 00:03:24.268
Let out all the frustration, mike, let us know what you think and let us start this episode with some Mike Benelli.

00:03:24.527 --> 00:03:26.752
Communication, so I'll get accused.

00:03:26.752 --> 00:03:37.092
So when I asked my own kids to put the phone down and I had the phone in my hand, that's probably like the red flag of you know that maybe you need to put your phone down.

00:03:37.092 --> 00:03:41.402
You've been on it for seven hours today, so I think it's so.

00:03:41.402 --> 00:03:57.649
There is a cosmic shift in where the perception is from my point of view, from where working with, like especially high school kids and youth players, from where they were Like I think you know kids have always been shy.

00:03:57.649 --> 00:04:02.163
We've always tried to teach kids to look you in the eye and shake your hand hard, like we've all like.

00:04:02.163 --> 00:04:02.865
These are things that were.

00:04:02.865 --> 00:04:19.629
And then it's even happening more now, where I did a summer hockey school where we had a mandate that the kids put their phones, you know, left them in the locker room during the lunch break so that they'd have to communicate to each other at lunch, like forcibly.

00:04:19.629 --> 00:04:34.091
Like that Like and it really it was there was a lot of anxiety for kids when we did this, whether they you know whether that FOMO kicked in or whether the piece of you know they don't they felt so awkward talking to another human being.

00:04:34.091 --> 00:04:41.987
But again, these are, these are issues that we're creating in our society and I think there is a backlash, right.

00:04:41.987 --> 00:04:47.923
I mean, we're seeing it over and over and over again where you know, like full schools are saying you got to put your.

00:04:47.923 --> 00:04:59.752
I went to a comedy concert a week ago and I had to put my phone in this like lock box, padded phone case, and you couldn't access your phone.

00:04:59.752 --> 00:05:03.420
You know at all, like you couldn't even, you couldn't even get, you couldn't even get to it.

00:05:03.420 --> 00:05:11.516
If you know, I'm sitting there going this is so odd like I'm a parent, like I got my kids are at, you know, with the babysitter, like there's no way I can communicate.

00:05:11.516 --> 00:05:21.908
Like it was really like it actually took a little bit of you know, a little bit for me to be like, okay, well, I'll accept this for the next hour and a half, I guess, just sitting here and hope that everything's going great.

00:05:21.908 --> 00:05:26.690
But you know what, pete, right, I mean we would, we would have that our whole lives.

00:05:26.690 --> 00:05:31.850
We just, you know you you'd get in the car and you'd go somewhere and you'd hope that there was a game on the other side of the of the trip.

00:05:31.850 --> 00:05:34.163
You wouldn't, you wouldn't get a text message and be like what?

00:05:34.182 --> 00:05:35.206
did we do before this?

00:05:35.206 --> 00:05:37.778
Yeah, but then we do so so it's, it's.

00:05:37.877 --> 00:05:38.540
It's good and bad.

00:05:38.540 --> 00:05:44.338
I love I'm a technology like geek, like I don't mind technology, but it is.

00:05:44.338 --> 00:06:04.685
It is I find myself all the time using it way too much, for too long and and really in toxic ways that don't help me in my mental state, like watching what other coaches are doing, watching what other players are performing at, and the levels are at it's, you know, wondering at, you know, instantly knowing what a score is.

00:06:04.685 --> 00:06:06.730
So it's, you know, and so it's really.

00:06:06.730 --> 00:06:15.144
It really is a challenge, because when adults can't handle it, you know, how do you expect your nine, ten, eleven year olds to handle it?

00:06:15.144 --> 00:06:17.670
And you know, so it's, it is.

00:06:17.670 --> 00:06:19.213
I think that's.

00:06:19.213 --> 00:06:25.824
It's what Pete's always talked about, and even off, you know, off our shows is just that you're, you're, you're.

00:06:25.824 --> 00:06:45.720
Now you have young men and women, adults, that you're trying to re engage with and teach in this communication piece that we think we've always had that, but it seems like now you have to be purposeful right in teaching it sure, sure, and I think to.

00:06:45.781 --> 00:06:54.668
I think one of the things to that I always kind of wonder is it's it's part of, it's part of technology in that, but great little.

00:06:54.668 --> 00:06:55.850
How necessary is it?

00:06:55.850 --> 00:06:59.512
And I look at that in terms of I mean, I think we've all gone.

00:06:59.512 --> 00:07:09.896
Maybe we're going to go, maybe it's a short trip, we're going to go from here to the store, which may be four or five miles, and we left our phone at home and the first thing is there's this wave of panic that goes over you.

00:07:09.896 --> 00:07:13.168
I don't have my phone.

00:07:13.168 --> 00:07:14.975
And then you take a breath and you say you know what?

00:07:14.975 --> 00:07:32.968
I think it's going to be okay, because today's generation, for sure, and potentially not even not even yours has never experienced the joy and utter panic of needing to make a phone call, driving around looking for something that was called a phone booth.

00:07:32.968 --> 00:07:33.711
That's right.

00:07:33.711 --> 00:07:47.757
Getting to the phone booth now, of course, putting the door and seeing that someone had ripped the phone off the receiver off, the rest of the phone or burned it with a lighter or something right why they?

00:07:47.778 --> 00:07:48.581
would do that?

00:07:48.581 --> 00:07:49.122
I have no idea.

00:07:49.122 --> 00:08:04.024
But I think you're right that that panic mode of like to me, like I don't use I don't even use a wallet anymore everything's on my phone, like my phone is right, my lifeline, like so it's like the only thing I remember when I leave the house is like oh, I got my phone.

00:08:04.024 --> 00:08:04.505
But.

00:08:04.505 --> 00:08:20.290
But I think in the context that we're talking about is not so much like the benefits of having the phone, because your 12 year old doesn't need the phone, like they don't need directions, they don't need the update on the game they don't need, you know, they don't need to have the phone.

00:08:20.290 --> 00:08:24.007
Like you know where I could make a pretty good excuse that I need to have my phone.

00:08:24.007 --> 00:08:28.406
I'm more and more important than you, you 12 year old or 15 year old, like I need it.

00:08:28.406 --> 00:08:51.328
But for the kids and I think I'm honestly when I, when we started coming up with this subject and I started reflecting, I just say I had the same issues with high school players back in 1990, right, right and, and you know, not talking in the locker room and not using their, using their voice to express their, their thought, and because a lot of it was like me.

00:08:51.328 --> 00:08:55.046
Think about the way a lot of us grew up with coaches like very authoritative.

00:08:55.046 --> 00:08:57.134
You do it the way I tell you to do it.

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Shut your mouth, get your job done, get in, get out and go home, where you know there wasn't that you know.

00:09:04.832 --> 00:09:07.048
Now we, we're begging kids to communicate with us.

00:09:07.048 --> 00:09:09.822
Right, and before I was like I don't want you communicating with me.

00:09:09.863 --> 00:09:13.918
You know, say in this so I'll make a few points here, alright.

00:09:13.918 --> 00:09:18.621
Number one is that I'm a big believer that things are always changing, but things are always the same, right?

00:09:18.621 --> 00:09:22.571
The problems within humanity have existed for all of humanity.

00:09:22.571 --> 00:09:30.714
It's just the environment in which they live often changes, and I think that the first step to solving any problem is always admitting that there is a problem.

00:09:30.714 --> 00:09:32.842
Right, and here's the truth of this situation.

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For all the hockey parents listening, I'd say most hockey parents are Gen X, millennials or zennials for those of you in that small little generation.

00:09:40.432 --> 00:09:44.807
Right, that's where the parents are right now and we have all grown up with, with this technology.

00:09:44.807 --> 00:09:47.124
So it's not the kids, it's all of us, right?

00:09:47.124 --> 00:09:54.730
I can't tell you how many times I've been at my kitchen table and my daughter, my son, will come up to me and I kind of tell myself Lee, you're on your phone.

00:09:54.730 --> 00:09:58.450
You get off your phone, like I'm just as guilty of this at times as other people.

00:09:58.450 --> 00:10:09.490
So I think the first step is kind of realizing look, we all do this right, to different levels, and I always say that as a parent, it's really on me to first off be conscious.

00:10:09.490 --> 00:10:12.826
If I'm doing that, it's very easy to zone out when your kids are talking.

00:10:12.826 --> 00:10:22.110
Complete nonsense to you to stay on your phone, right, but I realize that if I stay on my phone and keep looking at my phone while they're talking to me, I am just teaching them to do the exact same thing.

00:10:22.110 --> 00:10:27.344
So I actually very visibly put my phone down and say okay, please tell me that you have my full attention.

00:10:27.344 --> 00:10:29.956
So, parents, I think it's really important to do that.

00:10:29.956 --> 00:10:37.928
The other thing, too, is that and this is the funny part about it, mike and Pete Mike, you said it too like we've always had a hard time getting kids to communicate.

00:10:37.928 --> 00:10:46.221
Technically speaking, literally and figuratively, kids are better at communicating now than they ever have been in the history of mankind.

00:10:46.221 --> 00:10:52.225
They just do it through text or through different methods, right, you know, when we were kids, we didn't have the option to do that.

00:10:52.225 --> 00:10:53.788
If you were a shy kid, you were a shy kid.

00:10:53.788 --> 00:11:00.230
You might have lost yourself in books or a CD Walkman or a cassette player, or if you really want to go back at 8 Track.

00:11:00.230 --> 00:11:01.981
We probably have a few members of the audience who know that.

00:11:01.981 --> 00:11:04.914
One right, but there's always an escapism thing.

00:11:04.914 --> 00:11:06.682
Now, this is what I want to do in the episode.

00:11:06.682 --> 00:11:08.888
Okay, breaking this down now to hockey.

00:11:08.888 --> 00:11:09.529
We're bringing it back.

00:11:09.529 --> 00:11:10.764
We're bringing it back to the hockey.

00:11:10.764 --> 00:11:12.835
We're going to start at the NCAA level.

00:11:12.835 --> 00:11:18.817
Pete, I'm going to ask you what is your expectation of an NCAA athlete's ability to communicate?

00:11:18.817 --> 00:11:21.370
And parents, what I want you to do is listen and understand.

00:11:21.370 --> 00:11:24.085
Okay, that's kind of the standard we're trying to get to.

00:11:24.085 --> 00:11:36.931
Then we're going to reverse back through the age groups and talk about some actionable items you can probably start doing with those kids at those ages to get them to that NCAA level, really a professional level of communication.

00:11:36.931 --> 00:11:38.322
It doesn't have to be NCAA, right?

00:11:38.322 --> 00:11:40.727
So, pete, we're walking into your locker room.

00:11:40.727 --> 00:11:42.130
It's an NCAA team.

00:11:42.130 --> 00:11:45.951
I'm a freshman, right, a 21 year old freshman, because I played prep school, right?

00:11:45.951 --> 00:11:51.307
What are you expecting from me as an athlete and a student, right, student athlete?

00:11:51.307 --> 00:11:53.666
I'd reverse that from a communication standpoint.

00:11:54.775 --> 00:12:08.869
Well, I think, first and foremost, if I come in there we've obviously had conversations way prior to that, but when I come in, I expect your phone because I'll tell you not on 10 times.

00:12:08.869 --> 00:12:09.898
You're going to be on your phone.

00:12:09.898 --> 00:12:26.604
So I expect you to put your phone down right, Look up when you see me come in the room, and because I'm going to greet you and I want to see how things are going and how your day has been and how classes were, how was the lunch that day?

00:12:26.604 --> 00:12:42.565
How was your family, all those types of conversations, and I expect to be able to have an actual conversation with you based on you hopefully knowing that I've created a relationship with you, or I'm asking you the questions because I actually care about who you are as a human being.

00:12:42.565 --> 00:12:56.806
I mean, one of the things that I've been fortunate to do, I think, is having been in this game for an extended amount of time, is I've seen the days where kids would walk in the locker room and guys would kind of like turn their heads and say I hope he doesn't make eye contact.

00:12:56.806 --> 00:13:10.475
I'm going to pretend like I'm tying my laces, anything, so I don't have to communicate because I don't want to get yelled at Because that's how it used to be way back when it was my way or the highway, kind of saying and wasn't that long.

00:13:10.475 --> 00:13:17.225
Today it's so much more fun To me as a coach.

00:13:17.225 --> 00:13:18.687
That's one of the things that I truly miss.

00:13:18.687 --> 00:13:22.006
I miss sitting down and saying just what are you talking about?

00:13:22.006 --> 00:13:24.158
How was class today?

00:13:24.158 --> 00:13:29.544
One boy I knew was so excited that he was an uncle.

00:13:29.544 --> 00:13:31.020
It was the first time he was ever an uncle.

00:13:31.020 --> 00:13:34.581
This was two years ago and it was great that he can't coach.

00:13:34.581 --> 00:13:36.841
How's it going to take coach?

00:13:36.841 --> 00:13:40.842
My brother and his wife had their baby.

00:13:40.842 --> 00:13:43.142
I'm an uncle.

00:13:43.142 --> 00:13:43.864
We got a little boy.

00:13:43.864 --> 00:13:46.743
We got a future post university hockey player coach.

00:13:46.743 --> 00:13:54.567
But just him being comfortable enough to have that type of a conversation was really important to me.

00:13:54.567 --> 00:14:01.902
And then to see them have conversations amongst each other that, to me, is that's key.

00:14:01.902 --> 00:14:10.504
When I walk in the room, I don't care what they're talking about, as long as they're hopefully not on their phone, but sometimes they are, because the reality is that's how they communicate, right?

00:14:10.504 --> 00:14:13.903
So to tell them no, you can't do that.

00:14:13.903 --> 00:14:16.482
There are situations where you don't want them to do that.

00:14:16.482 --> 00:14:25.267
You prefer them to use another method to communicate, but I don't think you can't take that away from them because that's the way it is today.

00:14:25.267 --> 00:14:32.580
So if you're going to grow as a coach, you have to morph and understand that and know how that works.

00:14:32.580 --> 00:14:45.019
And we had group text, which were great because we knew it was how guys got them, and I did have to make the rule that you do something simple, like I think they were at that time.

00:14:45.019 --> 00:14:46.445
There were 26 players on team.

00:14:46.445 --> 00:14:54.086
I said when I send out something on the group text, I expect 26 likes.

00:14:54.086 --> 00:14:59.178
Right, you don't have to respond, you don't have to come back with anything, you don't have to type anything.

00:14:59.178 --> 00:15:10.625
Acknowledge, but acknowledge the fact that you saw what I was sending you, because you send the message that we're a group, we're a team and what you're saying is important.

00:15:10.625 --> 00:15:11.506
I get it.

00:15:11.955 --> 00:15:54.147
But isn't it, and isn't the point too that you're making, that there's a big difference between the kids communicating and looking at each other's phones and comparing YouTube videos and the night before is you know highlights, then 26 players all in their stalls with their heads down, looking and not associating with each other, right, and there's the use of that technology and that communication that the phone is not the piece that, like I'm against, it's the phone being the crutch, yeah, which is where you're not communicating with other human beings anymore and your teammates, because in a forget about everything else, we're in a team sport.

00:15:54.147 --> 00:15:55.681
I mean the fact that we're that.

00:15:55.681 --> 00:15:59.836
We need kids to get to know each other on a whole different level.

00:15:59.836 --> 00:16:05.147
Supporting each other and being cheerleaders for each other takes human contact.

00:16:05.547 --> 00:16:07.821
Right, and Mike, I think, and Pete tell me if I'm wrong.

00:16:07.821 --> 00:16:10.543
You know, the key to what I just took out of that is a couple of things.

00:16:10.543 --> 00:16:15.458
One is that there's no, nothing against the technology, there's nothing against the people.

00:16:15.458 --> 00:16:19.705
It's we expect high levels of efficient communication at this level.

00:16:19.705 --> 00:16:25.039
Right that, however you choose to communicate, it needs to be done in an efficient way that's going to be best for the team.

00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:32.243
And also utilizing the technology and I'll say this as a coach man group texts are one of the greatest advancements of technology history for a coach.

00:16:32.243 --> 00:16:36.445
I can tell you right now like I stay in touch with teams abroad through group texts.

00:16:36.445 --> 00:16:38.240
So it's a it's a wonderful technology.

00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:51.559
But the other key that you said and I don't want anybody to miss this is that as a coach and this is a two way thing it is so important nowadays to create that environment with your players where they can feel comfortable talking to you.

00:16:51.559 --> 00:16:54.346
High levels of trust, high levels of what Pete said.

00:16:54.346 --> 00:16:55.980
I actually do care about you.

00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:58.501
I'd like to know about your day right?

00:16:58.501 --> 00:17:00.340
Coaches are taking steps to do that.

00:17:00.340 --> 00:17:03.841
But again, two way conversation for the parents listening.

00:17:03.841 --> 00:17:08.221
Your children also have the ability to have that conversation back.

00:17:08.221 --> 00:17:12.926
And it's very, very important that when you have that conversation and Pete says to you, hey, how was your weekend?

00:17:12.926 --> 00:17:16.740
You don't just go good, oh, how's your family doing?

00:17:16.740 --> 00:17:20.261
Good, that's not what you want, right?

00:17:20.261 --> 00:17:22.541
You want to have there's a term conversationalist.

00:17:22.541 --> 00:17:29.146
Right Now, I'm not saying that a introvert has to jump up and have a 15 minute conversation with you.

00:17:29.146 --> 00:17:32.323
That's kind of on the coach to understand the personality of the player.

00:17:32.323 --> 00:17:40.525
But if you want to create we talk about this all the time in team building guys you want to create the environment where winning can take place.

00:17:40.525 --> 00:17:42.218
This is a big part of it.

00:17:42.218 --> 00:17:43.884
Trust needs to exist.

00:17:43.884 --> 00:17:46.202
You have to be able to know your players and what motivates them.

00:17:46.202 --> 00:17:47.439
Pete, I'm just like you.

00:17:47.439 --> 00:17:50.583
I generally care about my players.

00:17:50.583 --> 00:17:55.666
Now, that is a separate thing from how I decide the lineup, right?

00:17:55.666 --> 00:18:06.857
But I generally care, and I think when there's an understanding of that, not only is it easier to understand the lineup situation, but I think it's you put yourself as a player in a better position to be part of the team.

00:18:07.721 --> 00:18:15.442
Right and I phrase that I'm sure you guys have all many people listening, I'm sure have used it too is we can agree to disagree.

00:18:15.442 --> 00:18:17.479
You may come in and talk about.

00:18:17.479 --> 00:18:19.766
You know, why am I playing and not playing?

00:18:19.766 --> 00:18:20.876
Why am I playing on the power play?

00:18:20.876 --> 00:18:21.198
Why?

00:18:21.198 --> 00:18:22.161
Why whatever?

00:18:22.161 --> 00:18:23.765
Why am I not in the last five minutes of the game?

00:18:23.765 --> 00:18:28.345
I'm going to explain to you what you need to do to get there Right.

00:18:28.345 --> 00:18:53.299
And if we create that level of communication where you know I care about you you know I'm not just giving you a line, I'm actually giving you something concrete to work on that could potentially put you in that position to where you can get there, and let's see if you can get there and I want you to get there because you can get there, you make somebody else better, and if you make that player better, that makes somebody else better and before you know it, we're all better.

00:18:54.315 --> 00:18:55.681
Pro tip for everybody listening.

00:18:55.681 --> 00:18:57.220
I love what you just said.

00:18:57.220 --> 00:19:04.359
This is something I'm seeing now with younger people that I don't think I would have dared to do when I was a younger person.

00:19:04.359 --> 00:19:12.680
Right Coach gives you very direct feedback on what he or she wants you to do to succeed on their team and their lineup.

00:19:12.680 --> 00:19:19.541
And I have seen too many people just disagree Not agree to disagree, just disagree.

00:19:19.541 --> 00:19:21.980
There is a real value.

00:19:21.980 --> 00:19:26.222
A real value I'm telling parents and players listen to me.

00:19:26.222 --> 00:19:31.365
There is a real value in a coach telling you what he or she wants.

00:19:31.365 --> 00:19:37.449
They're literally giving you the answer Right and assuming they're honorable people, because I do understand.

00:19:37.449 --> 00:19:43.040
Sometimes there's there's yes, men and yes, women who just say whatever you want to hear, but Pete is a very honorable person.

00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:47.144
It is a gift when you get a coach that tells you directly what you want.

00:19:47.144 --> 00:19:53.717
You might not like the way they said it to you, you might not like what the message is, but just like the real world.

00:19:53.717 --> 00:20:01.440
When someone says you want to get from A to Z, here's the path, you just kind of have to nod your head and say thank you, and Pete, I know you.

00:20:01.440 --> 00:20:04.655
You can probably have a conversation with you about this, but you're going to.

00:20:04.655 --> 00:20:06.422
As you said, you might agree to disagree.

00:20:06.422 --> 00:20:11.143
That is part of communication as a skill is understanding.

00:20:11.143 --> 00:20:12.747
This is the way the conversation goes.

00:20:12.747 --> 00:20:17.222
All of society could benefit from this type of methodology, by the way, right.

00:20:17.804 --> 00:20:18.506
There's many of us.

00:20:18.506 --> 00:20:21.521
Yeah, that's a point too that it's really important.

00:20:21.521 --> 00:20:23.301
You make that point with the player.

00:20:23.301 --> 00:20:26.162
Like I say to the player listen when we leave this meeting.

00:20:26.162 --> 00:20:34.327
We may agree to disagree, right, you have your opinion, I have mine, but this is where I feel you need to be.

00:20:34.327 --> 00:20:37.604
This is what you need to do to get where you want to go.

00:20:37.604 --> 00:20:40.683
Do with that information as you will, because you have free choice.

00:20:40.683 --> 00:21:05.167
I can't make you, make you do anything, but it's okay for you to leave here saying I don't know if I really agree with that, and then maybe you think about it more, we can have another conversation and maybe you sway me a little bit, or I'm always happy to talk about it, because I feel like there's situations in life and there should not be problems.

00:21:05.167 --> 00:21:08.198
Problems to me, stem from situations that we're not dealt with.

00:21:09.817 --> 00:21:19.035
And for those of you who listen again, if you haven't heard Pete's episode Pete is an incredibly honorable man and a great coach, and I think one of the reasons you have had success, pete, is because of the way you're here.

00:21:19.035 --> 00:21:23.339
Hey, the door's open, let's talk about it at the right time in the right way, but I'm always here to talk to you.

00:21:23.339 --> 00:21:28.346
There's too many coaches out there still that I don't think are allowing for those conversations.

00:21:28.346 --> 00:21:34.403
It's a very my way or the highway attitude, and don't get me wrong, coaches, there's a time sometimes that can't be conversations over.

00:21:34.403 --> 00:21:37.375
This is where we're at, but you have to have that ability to be open.

00:21:37.375 --> 00:21:38.667
Now let's rewind back.

00:21:38.667 --> 00:21:40.880
We're talking about the NCAA.

00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:53.040
High levels of efficient communication is expected, that the young athletes will be able to walk in the locker room, have a conversation with the coach, acknowledge when the coach is speaking to them, and there's a little bit of vice versa with that too.

00:21:53.040 --> 00:21:56.262
Let's go back now prep school, high school level.

00:21:56.262 --> 00:21:58.721
This is where I want to start with a few things.

00:21:58.721 --> 00:22:08.488
One is that, from a societal level, we're doing a really bad job right now because we're teaching every kid that there's a left or a right, or a yes or a no.

00:22:08.488 --> 00:22:20.491
There's only two options or two answers for every situation, and I think that at the high school level, we need to do a better job of helping kids be a little more creative in their thinking that things are not always.

00:22:20.491 --> 00:22:23.262
Sometimes they are, but they are not always black and white.

00:22:23.262 --> 00:22:29.347
When it comes to hockey and communicating, I don't know if I've ever seen a black and white situation.

00:22:29.347 --> 00:22:32.884
I mean maybe like hey, probably shouldn't shoot the puck in your own net.

00:22:32.884 --> 00:22:35.501
That's probably a pretty black and white topic.

00:22:35.501 --> 00:22:44.332
But when it comes to high school level coaching and, mike, I'm going to turn to you because I know you've done a lot of that I think it's a lot more about teaching kids hey, hey, calm down.

00:22:44.332 --> 00:22:45.757
You're probably very emotional right now.

00:22:45.757 --> 00:22:48.785
Let's discuss this, let's talk about it, tell me what you're feeling.

00:22:48.785 --> 00:22:52.663
Let's express what you're feeling and understand that there's not a right or wrong here.

00:22:52.663 --> 00:22:55.844
There's a situation that we need to discover together.

00:22:55.844 --> 00:22:58.884
Again, ncaa level should know how to do that.

00:22:58.884 --> 00:23:08.086
Mike, high school level, how do you deal with the pubescent teams, ready to play and ready to let you know what they think?

00:23:09.108 --> 00:23:11.614
I don't know, I don't think anybody knows.

00:23:11.614 --> 00:23:13.019
Mike, I'm trying to figure it out.

00:23:13.019 --> 00:23:16.740
I think it's to Pete's point.

00:23:16.740 --> 00:23:20.287
It's all about coming into it with the plan ahead of time.

00:23:20.287 --> 00:23:27.917
Also, these are not issues or concerns or philosophies that you can go in and say you know what, today I'm going to do this.

00:23:27.917 --> 00:23:29.616
These are all.

00:23:29.616 --> 00:23:33.421
What is your culture, what are the norms that you've established?

00:23:33.421 --> 00:23:35.961
What are the communication lines that you've laid out?

00:23:35.961 --> 00:23:51.117
Then, knowing that you're working with high schoolers and teenagers, that it's a different brain that functions differently, that there's the balance of, is mom and dad the primary communicators here?

00:23:51.117 --> 00:23:52.623
We all hear it, right?

00:23:52.623 --> 00:23:55.662
Oh, if a player has a problem, I want them to come to me.

00:23:55.662 --> 00:23:59.244
Well, not all players are equipped to do that by themselves, right?

00:23:59.244 --> 00:24:09.144
So maybe the process is I want them to initiate it, with mom or dad helping that, and then we're going to work together on solving the problem.

00:24:09.144 --> 00:24:19.905
It's not going to be like I'm expecting your son to come into my locker room as an adult in my office and voice his concerns and advocate for himself.

00:24:19.905 --> 00:24:29.515
Now, that being said, that takes the, I think, the coaching staff, laying how you'd like that communication to look Like.

00:24:29.515 --> 00:24:31.280
Of course we want mom and dad in here.

00:24:31.280 --> 00:24:34.942
Of course we want them helping you to learn how to communicate.

00:24:34.942 --> 00:24:39.958
If they're not going to be in the room, like you have some parents like, no, no, my kid will take care of it himself.

00:24:39.958 --> 00:24:47.297
Okay, then you need to coach your son or daughter how to come into the room and what the expectations should be.

00:24:47.297 --> 00:24:51.303
Not to come into the room thinking, well, I'm going to come out with the answer I want.

00:24:51.303 --> 00:25:01.545
So, pete's point they've got to come in with the understanding that they are probably they most likely are going to come out with an understanding of what we're telling them.

00:25:01.545 --> 00:25:04.603
That's going to be skewed by the time they get home.

00:25:04.603 --> 00:25:08.161
Right, the game of telephone right Coach said this how to go with coach.

00:25:08.161 --> 00:25:10.442
Oh, coach, you didn't tell me anything.

00:25:10.442 --> 00:25:11.921
Well, I didn't tell you nothing.

00:25:11.921 --> 00:25:14.864
I gave you specific instructions, yeah.

00:25:15.474 --> 00:25:16.640
He didn't give me the answer I wanted.

00:25:18.057 --> 00:25:19.622
And the best is like at the high school level.

00:25:19.622 --> 00:25:21.185
Well, why is it my son playing?

00:25:21.185 --> 00:25:27.124
Well, has your son told you he has been late for practice every day this week?

00:25:27.124 --> 00:25:27.964
Has he told you that?

00:25:27.964 --> 00:25:28.967
Oh no, we didn't hear that.

00:25:28.967 --> 00:25:30.127
Of course you didn't hear that.

00:25:30.127 --> 00:25:30.608
I know that.

00:25:30.608 --> 00:25:39.159
So it's just like it's just a matter of you know, depending on your situation and where you're at and as you're coaching a midget team, you know, a travel team at that level, high school kids, it's all.

00:25:39.159 --> 00:25:49.166
I think it's all about the parent and the coach and the player and that trilogy of working together to help that, that that teenage mind work.

00:25:49.166 --> 00:25:59.611
And it's really important that the parents take the emotional and the coaches can both come in and take the emotional piece out.

00:26:00.184 --> 00:26:01.210
Which is hard to do, Mike.

00:26:02.484 --> 00:26:06.010
It's extremely hard to do because you're, you only care when you're a parent.

00:26:06.010 --> 00:26:10.242
You only care about your kid, you don't care about the other kids and like that's why.

00:26:10.263 --> 00:26:11.851
I always Not as much, that's what I'll say.

00:26:11.851 --> 00:26:13.109
Not anywhere near as much.

00:26:13.444 --> 00:26:14.690
Right, the focus is always on.

00:26:14.690 --> 00:26:19.532
The focus is always on like well, you know, so-and-so does that?

00:26:19.532 --> 00:26:20.047
I go.

00:26:20.047 --> 00:26:23.313
I can't worry about so-and-so, I'm worried about your son and your daughter.

00:26:23.313 --> 00:26:24.991
There's only people I want to have a discussion about.

00:26:24.991 --> 00:26:29.230
That's tough when they compare, you know, and then you know, well, don't you think that he can do this?

00:26:29.230 --> 00:26:30.911
And the coaches do that too, right?

00:26:30.911 --> 00:26:34.991
Oh, if you would have done this like this person, I'm like I try to stay away from that.

00:26:34.991 --> 00:26:37.574
It's hard, but you do want points of reference, right?

00:26:37.574 --> 00:26:37.945
You want?

00:26:37.945 --> 00:26:43.771
You want, like, well, listen, like this person's being on the power play, but you know that this person does on their own time.

00:26:43.771 --> 00:26:45.832
You know this person does prior to practice.

00:26:45.832 --> 00:26:50.672
You know this person does after practice, like a real life thing.

00:26:50.672 --> 00:27:05.373
I'm dealing with right now our players trying to learn different aspects of the game of hockey, like hockey IQ stuff, and we use huddle and we have unlimited amounts of video that's available to players.

00:27:05.373 --> 00:27:33.270
And when I see a player that's not understanding a concept that has been presented to them multiple times and this is where technology is a good thing, I think, where the player can see every shift that they've ever had, they can see every circumstances they were in and then when I look and I look at the data and I see that that player's never even logged in to look at that video, then that's a very frustrating thing for me, like in one hand I don't want them on the technology all the time.

00:27:33.270 --> 00:27:36.493
But the other side is the technology we are offering them.

00:27:36.493 --> 00:27:39.446
You've got to use but Mike.

00:27:39.467 --> 00:27:41.574
I want to say this too, just on the thought.

00:27:41.574 --> 00:27:50.071
I think that's actually an opportunity for communication where you just said, right, Cause, excuse me, a big part of communication is accountability, right?

00:27:50.071 --> 00:28:05.573
So to have a player come in the room and say, hey, listen, I've noticed you have never logged in the huddle and you're telling me this or XYZ, or we're complaining about this or whatever that conversation is, you're not putting the work in, and then you can open up to a larger conversation.

00:28:05.573 --> 00:28:12.872
If you don't want to put the work in at the high school level, well, there's an outcome for that and you got to be okay with that outcome.

00:28:12.872 --> 00:28:20.071
If you're not willing to put the time in and again, this is not a time to compare a kid to another kid, right, it's a time to teach them about accountability.

00:28:20.071 --> 00:28:25.309
Let's listen, my gut tells me that if you put in three, four hours a week on this, it's going to really improve your game.

00:28:25.309 --> 00:28:26.888
Now, are you willing to do that?

00:28:26.888 --> 00:28:34.556
That's really effective communication as a coach to a young man or woman about being accountable, right?

00:28:34.556 --> 00:28:59.950
And I'm going to throw it to you now too, cause I imagine you know we're talking kind of that that you 16, you 18 level, right now that you know and you can comment on both as a coach, but as an NCAA coach, you know you're looking for these things when you're recruiting, right, the ability to be able to clearly communicate, and I'm sure that when you communicate with you 16, you 18 prep school coaches, high school coaches that's one of the questions you ask, right, well, how are they as a communicator?

00:29:00.684 --> 00:29:08.792
Yeah, and when I would kind of hone in on players that I liked, either at the when I was coaching prep school or at college.

00:29:08.792 --> 00:29:25.758
One of the things I liked to do was, when I could, I would like to go to a practice, and one of the things that I look for at the practice is when the coach called everybody in, was the player that I'm interested in engaged and looking at the board?

00:29:25.758 --> 00:29:27.305
Were they pushed to the?

00:29:27.305 --> 00:29:33.933
Did they push the front of the line so they could see themselves a little better when they took their knee, or were they, you know, fumbling with their laces?

00:29:34.244 --> 00:29:36.346
Did they tell their teammates to get in that weren't getting in?

00:29:36.346 --> 00:29:37.711
That's another one right Leadership.

00:29:38.224 --> 00:29:40.212
But so I would, I would look for that.

00:29:40.212 --> 00:30:01.173
The other thing that I found was was really fascinating and you know, mike, you've got and Lee, I think your kids are a little bit young yet, but Mike, yours have gone through that stage, I think where when I would speak at prep schools, we normally would go to a camp or something like that or maybe a little showcase, and we would talk to PUE age players.

00:30:01.173 --> 00:30:13.051
They would sit there with the kids and their parents and then we'd go to ban them, age kids and their parents and the PUE kids age kids would just hands would be up all the time asking questions.

00:30:13.051 --> 00:30:16.374
You know, no question was too ridiculous.

00:30:16.374 --> 00:30:18.987
Do they allow you to have carpets in your room at prep school?

00:30:18.987 --> 00:30:19.086
That?

00:30:19.086 --> 00:30:20.752
I still have balance in my head.

00:30:20.752 --> 00:30:23.050
Yes you, yes you can, that's funny.

00:30:23.050 --> 00:30:23.633
Then you go to the.

00:30:23.633 --> 00:30:24.275
Then you go, yeah.

00:30:24.275 --> 00:30:45.976
Then you go to the 14 year olds, and every one of them sitting like this, right Cause something happens where it matters more that the player next to you, behind you, in front of you, thinks about what you're going to say than you actually being comfortable to say it.

00:30:45.976 --> 00:30:52.411
And I like that from the standpoint of when the hands didn't go up, that's the first thing I would say.

00:30:52.411 --> 00:30:53.588
I would say why.

00:30:53.588 --> 00:31:04.192
You know, I see here, I see I see a room of really good hockey players that lack confidence and they'd be like I don't lack confidence, you know I'd handle that puck, I'd do whatever.

00:31:04.192 --> 00:31:14.970
No, you can't sit in this situation and honestly ask a question because you're afraid what the kid next to you thinks and everyone will give that like a little smirk or just like your kid does.

00:31:14.970 --> 00:31:20.490
When you, when you kind of get them, maybe you get, they got me, so that that part's really interesting.

00:31:20.490 --> 00:31:39.893
And again back to what Mike was talking about the parents and helping cultivate that Like again, like you have to be willing to cultivate that with your kids, to have those kinds of conversations with the coaches and, like as Ben said, you may not get the answer you want, and that's okay because that's real life.

00:31:39.893 --> 00:31:58.433
You may not, you know, support your position, find a way to communicate and if you can actually do that, everything in life is gonna get a little bit better for you and, at the end of the day, I'm gonna help make you, I think, a better player, because I may help in some small way, made you a stronger individual.

00:31:59.365 --> 00:32:05.731
Yeah, the other piece too is that because of the language you use and the verbiage we use, that it really just solidifies.

00:32:05.731 --> 00:32:07.191
You might be talking about the same thing.

00:32:07.191 --> 00:32:11.707
You might come out of the room going oh my God, that's so much different perspective than I thought.

00:32:11.707 --> 00:32:17.914
Because this coach is telling me, like little things, like for kids, like how are you not on the strong side of that puck?

00:32:17.914 --> 00:32:20.031
Like why did you let the weak side winger go?

00:32:20.031 --> 00:32:22.048
I didn't let the weak side winger go, I was right on them.

00:32:22.048 --> 00:32:23.753
Do you know what the weak side winger even is?

00:32:23.753 --> 00:32:25.761
No, I don't know what you're even talking about.

00:32:25.761 --> 00:32:27.269
So it's just you know.

00:32:27.269 --> 00:32:34.833
And then the parent, like a parent, might have a different understanding and definition of what that is.

00:32:34.833 --> 00:32:44.473
So sometimes having those conversations in the room in a because of a negative situation becomes just a moment of clarity for everyone.

00:32:44.473 --> 00:33:04.412
We've got to remember that when we're speaking to children and speaking to non or established hockey parents, that you know our verbiage and our communication pieces need to be aligned so that we're all speaking the same language as we discuss what the players' deficiencies or expectations are.

00:33:04.904 --> 00:33:08.112
So I'll say this too, guys, it's interesting that the points are bringing up.

00:33:08.112 --> 00:33:12.107
We're kind of going again now down to the U-14, u-12 level.

00:33:12.107 --> 00:33:14.965
Pete, you made that really great point about that kind of that.

00:33:14.965 --> 00:33:19.652
Let's just like the 14, 15 age where kids are worried about what other people think.

00:33:19.652 --> 00:33:25.310
So a couple of tips for the parents out there, or those of you listening the kids that are listening that are that age.

00:33:25.310 --> 00:33:27.009
I'm gonna tell you something as a coach.

00:33:27.009 --> 00:33:31.968
I just worked with a high level tier one team this weekend, this past weekend.

00:33:31.968 --> 00:33:41.035
That was that age and two things the kids that were not afraid to ask questions clearly stood out to me as the coach.

00:33:41.035 --> 00:33:43.510
I can actually see their faces in my head.

00:33:43.510 --> 00:33:49.231
So number one is if you're willing to ask a great question, you're not worried about what the person sitting next to you is.

00:33:49.231 --> 00:33:53.832
You want to stand out a little bit to recruitment or coaches, your own coach.

00:33:53.832 --> 00:33:56.411
Ask great questions, you'll get great responses.

00:33:56.411 --> 00:33:57.094
So that's number one.

00:33:57.094 --> 00:33:58.088
Now, that's not for everybody.

00:33:58.088 --> 00:34:09.092
The other half of this is this I know as a coach, what Pete's talking about and that, yeah, when I walked in that room, pete was just like you described arms crossed, kind of looking left and right.

00:34:09.092 --> 00:34:16.253
So it's on me as the coach to create an environment for them to feel comfortable sharing and communicating.

00:34:16.253 --> 00:34:20.530
So typically the first thing I do is I get them up and do an exercise where they actually can't speak.

00:34:20.530 --> 00:34:28.469
Hey, line up from shortest to tallest without talking, and what that does is it starts to break that glass a little bit of.

00:34:28.469 --> 00:34:29.795
Okay, we're doing something together.

00:34:29.795 --> 00:34:33.271
I actually take away their ability to speak and then what that does is force them to.

00:34:33.271 --> 00:34:42.811
Okay, we have to communicate here or do something and, like most teams, like most groups of young people, when you do an icebreaker, they come out of their shell a little bit.

00:34:42.811 --> 00:34:44.451
Oh, this is gonna be fun, we're gonna be able to talk.

00:34:44.451 --> 00:34:47.070
So I'm coaches to kind of create that environment.

00:34:47.070 --> 00:34:56.135
Right, if you're just talking to them and they're not really listening to you, I'll let kind of on you a little bit, a little bit not completely to kind of find methods to get them to listen.

00:34:56.135 --> 00:35:02.547
It's not always gonna be perfect and they're not always gonna listen, and that's okay, but I wanted to make that point of that.

00:35:02.547 --> 00:35:07.731
If you're a young player, and again, when I say ask a great question, I'm not just saying talk to talk.

00:35:07.731 --> 00:35:08.634
All right.

00:35:08.634 --> 00:35:13.849
I'm saying when a coach asks a question, be the kid who's gonna answer the question or at least give a good answer.

00:35:13.849 --> 00:35:18.731
Right, you will stand out all right From an environment standpoint.

00:35:18.731 --> 00:35:19.534
That we're talking about.

00:35:19.534 --> 00:35:24.170
And again, when we're talking I'll just make this now we're kind of going to that U14, u12.

00:35:24.170 --> 00:35:29.849
The key words of the key phrase here, guys, that I think is the teaching point.

00:35:29.849 --> 00:35:33.333
And again, just to review, instead of belay, we're expecting high levels of communication.

00:35:33.333 --> 00:35:36.172
That high school level you're refining that.

00:35:36.172 --> 00:35:41.708
You might be in a situation where you're with your parents but you're starting to understand hey, I gotta go in the room.

00:35:41.708 --> 00:35:43.490
We have to have an effective communication.

00:35:43.490 --> 00:35:44.710
I have to report those results.

00:35:44.710 --> 00:35:52.349
When you get down to that U14, u12 level, this is my phrase and this is what we need to teach them as coaches and parents.

00:35:52.349 --> 00:36:06.068
Social etiquette I wish there was a course in school called social etiquette because think about it when you're at that age, you might say anything that comes to your mind and you might not understand.

00:36:06.068 --> 00:36:09.893
Hey, you probably shouldn't say whatever comes to your mind.

00:36:09.893 --> 00:36:18.289
So I think it's important to talk to players when they say something or do something or text something inappropriate and say listen, this is inappropriate.

00:36:18.289 --> 00:36:19.333
This is the key.

00:36:19.333 --> 00:36:21.030
Here's why it's inappropriate.

00:36:21.030 --> 00:36:23.409
You gotta teach them that, can't just say it's inappropriate.

00:36:23.409 --> 00:36:29.469
Here's either a better way of doing it or here's why that's gonna hurt the team or hurt yourself in the future.

00:36:29.469 --> 00:36:32.273
Right when you're 14 years old again, they'll say anything.

00:36:32.273 --> 00:36:40.086
I'm not gonna act like I have the solution to 12 to 14 year old boys or girls and understanding anything about how to do anything at that age.

00:36:40.086 --> 00:36:43.827
But I do know social etiquette should be part of your approach, pete.

00:36:43.827 --> 00:36:44.876
I will toss it to you.

00:36:46.405 --> 00:36:57.543
Yeah, one of the things, too, that I started doing this year that I'm really kind of excited about is I started working with a local youth organization, with their coaches, as a kind of a mentoring thing.

00:36:57.543 --> 00:36:59.126
That's awesome it's been.

00:36:59.126 --> 00:37:04.836
Yeah, it's been pretty fun because I kind of changed the way it's been done in the past.

00:37:04.836 --> 00:37:11.077
They first thought they had the term hockey director and I said I don't want that, I don't like the way it sounds.

00:37:11.077 --> 00:37:15.494
Yeah, it's too hard, it's too harsh, it's like I'm telling you what to do.

00:37:15.494 --> 00:37:19.724
I said I'm not going to go to your practices and pull you over and say what are you doing?

00:37:19.724 --> 00:37:24.724
I'm not going to go to your games and say you should be doing this, you shouldn't be doing that.

00:37:24.724 --> 00:37:25.831
That's all.

00:37:25.831 --> 00:37:27.724
I'm here to mentor, I'm here to help you and support you.

00:37:27.724 --> 00:37:38.264
So one thing we did that they never did before, which was crazy to me, was we have monthly coaching meetings and they whatever reason, they never.

00:37:38.264 --> 00:37:42.411
They never did that and we'd sit and the best I'd have a topic for sure.

00:37:42.411 --> 00:37:51.704
So we get the thing going, but always we would go around the room and everyone talks about where they're at in their season, how things are going in that.

00:37:51.704 --> 00:37:57.704
So then they begin to, and I love it, because I don't want to sit there and talk for an hour, I want engagement.

00:37:57.704 --> 00:38:07.724
So sitting back and then all of a sudden having the squirt coach conversing with the band coach, who is now sharing his thoughts with the PEWI coach and my coach, is great.

00:38:07.724 --> 00:38:11.409
So I'm really, I'm really loving that and enjoying that.

00:38:11.409 --> 00:38:30.704
And then I will make the point of what's happening here amongst you as adults, even though it's not something you're purposely thinking about is you are communicating, you are getting your points across in some ways an unfamiliar area because the Mike coach made, I know, the band coach and that kind of thing.

00:38:30.704 --> 00:38:39.724
So what you're doing here, let's see if we can take that as coaches to our teams as a method of communication.

00:38:39.724 --> 00:38:47.639
And you everyone here feels better right right now because you feel like you're part of something, because you're engaged in your speaking.

00:38:47.639 --> 00:38:50.574
Why not try to teach that to your team as well?

00:38:50.905 --> 00:38:52.568
I love it and I'll say this too.

00:38:52.568 --> 00:38:58.507
One of the things I see in organizations that honestly it boggles my mind and, mike, I'm going to throw to you for this too.

00:38:58.507 --> 00:39:09.684
I mean this really bugs me is when I get to an organization and the Mike coaches don't talk to the squirt coaches and the squirt coaches don't talk to the PEWI coaches and the PEWI don't talk to the band and so forth and so on.

00:39:09.684 --> 00:39:21.300
I don't understand how we're effectively developing players If we're not all having conversations with each other, levels above and below, about what we're looking for, what we want to teach these kids.

00:39:21.300 --> 00:39:22.565
What is the plan?

00:39:22.565 --> 00:39:25.771
I mean, you look at any effective professional hockey team.

00:39:25.771 --> 00:39:31.525
Their NHL team and their AHL team are never together but incredibly in sync If they're doing it right.

00:39:31.525 --> 00:39:37.657
Right, they need to be prepared to move up as a development I'm sorry, from a development standpoint.

00:39:37.657 --> 00:39:47.358
I remember when my son was a might, calling the squirt coach just to say what are you looking for from a coaching standpoint for all the kids at my son's level?

00:39:47.358 --> 00:39:50.512
What can I do on the ice to help them get better prepared for you?

00:39:50.512 --> 00:39:52.925
He was shocked that I called All right.

00:39:52.925 --> 00:39:56.393
Now I want to say this you're going from Mike to squirt.

00:39:56.393 --> 00:40:00.983
I mean, think about the changes off sides, all of the penalties, all of the rules.

00:40:00.983 --> 00:40:04.188
Three periods, I mean it's a different game, literally.

00:40:04.188 --> 00:40:10.547
So I want to know what the next level coaches are looking for so I can prepare my team Right.

00:40:10.547 --> 00:40:14.724
And again, you could use this from any level squirt to PEWI Hitting comes into it from a practice standpoint.

00:40:14.724 --> 00:40:17.210
Pewi to Bantam hitting is coming into the game.

00:40:17.210 --> 00:40:18.173
Bantam to Midget.

00:40:18.173 --> 00:40:19.235
You're probably looking beyond.

00:40:19.235 --> 00:40:25.054
We have to communicate more, mike, in the organizations you've worked with, is that A something you've seen?

00:40:25.054 --> 00:40:26.976
And if you have, is it effective?

00:40:28.925 --> 00:40:37.724
Yeah, I mean well, it's certainly effective if there is open lines of communication and there's a vehicle for different levels to associate with each other.

00:40:37.724 --> 00:40:47.360
I mean, I always come at it from a youth hockey perspective that not only is it important for development, it's really important for retention, because you know, you don't, you want to.

00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:58.818
It seems like at the youth hockey level, like every year, they're reinventing the organization because, you know, very rarely do you have coaches that stay, like you don't usually have.

00:40:58.818 --> 00:41:01.766
Like okay, 10 U coaches are there, they're the 10 U coach.

00:41:01.766 --> 00:41:07.818
It's usually apparent they came from 8 U or, you know, maybe they're there for a year and then they go to 12 U, or you know.

00:41:07.818 --> 00:41:22.465
So, having the ability to have, you know, these coaching meetings, I think it is and I'm sure, pete, you're seeing this too with your organization it is difficult, it's hard to ask a bunch of volunteer adults to yet again have another night to come to the rink and meet together.

00:41:22.465 --> 00:41:26.349
So you've got to be creative in doing this, like what we've done in the past.

00:41:26.349 --> 00:41:41.510
Is made sure that when we have coaching meeting nights, that all those sessions are covered by like a skills coach or like there's somebody outside the organization running that night so that the coaches can then, because most 90% of our coaches are parents, right?

00:41:41.510 --> 00:41:48.641
So you have to find a way to say listen, you're not obligated on Thursday night to come up with any kind of planning or anything.

00:41:48.641 --> 00:41:58.239
You don't even need to be on the ice, you're going to be in this other room and we're going to work together on site or off site and then in this other piece is going to get taken care of.

00:41:58.239 --> 00:42:04.532
Now it's amazing to me how you'll like people will fight that oh no, no, I need that practice.

00:42:04.532 --> 00:42:06.094
I mean, do you really need that practice?

00:42:06.094 --> 00:42:12.931
Like the kids are skating, they're stickhandling, they're shooting and we've hired a professional to come in, or the local.

00:42:12.952 --> 00:42:13.994
They need that practice.

00:42:13.994 --> 00:42:15.498
The kids need that practice right.

00:42:16.005 --> 00:42:20.097
So you've got to be creative in doing it, because I am not a big believer in asking somebody to keep coming back to the ring.

00:42:20.097 --> 00:42:27.157
For and Pete's point was perfect Like you have to have a subject, you have to have a plan.

00:42:27.157 --> 00:42:29.724
You can't just wing it Like, because then you'll never get people coming back.

00:42:29.724 --> 00:42:36.704
Like if you don't have a focused agenda of what you're doing, like I'm a guy like don't send me to a meeting if you could have sent me an email about it.

00:42:36.704 --> 00:42:40.704
Like I'm not going to go on a Zoom call if you're going to just email me what this was.

00:42:40.704 --> 00:42:45.724
And I think, and I think it's the same way for our you know we talk about, you know communication with kids.

00:42:45.724 --> 00:42:58.724
It's the same thing, like if you're going to have video sessions or team meetings or have an agenda, have a plan and then open the communication lines up by having the ability to have it back and forth at those players.

00:42:58.724 --> 00:43:05.766
It can't just be a one way PowerPoint presentation, because you won't get them coming back, they will not be engaged, and you know.

00:43:05.766 --> 00:43:17.516
So for me, my biggest thing with the youth organizations is you know, find you can either do it by by age categories, like all the 10, you coaches, all the eight, you coaches, all the 12, you coaches.

00:43:17.516 --> 00:43:33.608
Or if your organization is coordinated enough to have a broader conversation about player development and player retention and the pathway in your or what is the organization's way, and you want to have people and honestly it does.

00:43:33.608 --> 00:43:38.195
It does retain more players and certainly think about the work we put into getting good coaches.

00:43:38.195 --> 00:43:50.612
It retains coaches, make their job easier, communicate more with them, find out what their issues are, find out how you can help them and in turn, you're going to have good coaches stay, and when good coaches stay, players stay.

00:43:50.612 --> 00:43:55.518
And with families and players are staying, your life becomes much easier.

00:43:55.518 --> 00:43:57.322
But again, it's more.

00:43:57.322 --> 00:44:07.434
Whatever communication you're going to do with your kids, you know what, and your coaches just has to be, you know, really focused and concise and meaningful.

00:44:07.434 --> 00:44:09.356
You know, don't just do it to do it Like.

00:44:09.356 --> 00:44:14.887
I see coaches all the time have video sessions that go on and on and on and I'm like I'm just going to watch the game.

00:44:15.387 --> 00:44:28.331
I'm like you know, and then this happened, and then this happened, and this happened and you should come in with a plan to have a focused you know, and we're going back to technology use, like we have all these tools available to us to send kids clips.

00:44:29.193 --> 00:44:32.960
You know, prior to them even coming into a meeting, say hey, these are the five clips we're going to talk about today.

00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:35.724
I want you to watch them, and then you're going to, and then I'm going to ask you questions about them.

00:44:35.724 --> 00:44:38.010
I'm not going to tell you what I want you to do.

00:44:38.010 --> 00:44:38.610
I'm going to.

00:44:38.610 --> 00:44:39.072
I'm going to.

00:44:39.072 --> 00:44:40.996
I'm asking you to tell me what you should have done.

00:44:41.398 --> 00:45:04.623
Right, and one of the things that I really enjoy, like with this kind of a forum, this kind of a conversation, is something that has always struck me in recent years was so in the past, if we're doing this kind of exchange, we might be talking about and certainly it's important the technical aspect about using your edges, your hand position, those kinds of things tactically.

00:45:04.623 --> 00:45:09.009
This is the four check you want to use, this is the rotation you use on a power play in that.

00:45:09.009 --> 00:45:20.244
And the communication, the again, the, even the mental health piece right, which kind of rolls into this a bit, is something that was just never really talked about until recent years.

00:45:20.244 --> 00:45:36.630
Agreed, now it is the number one thing that every successful team has going for them If they are dealing with this in a positive way and creating the culture of the relationships, the communication.

00:45:36.630 --> 00:45:53.750
It is as important as our ability to four check well, our ability to skate well, because without this extra piece, third piece, not even extra piece, third piece, I'll call it of the trilogy there You're not going to have success.

00:45:53.750 --> 00:45:57.175
You could still be good, but you're not going to have success.

00:45:57.175 --> 00:46:02.132
And the other things too, and I'm sure you guys feel the same way as coaches.

00:46:02.132 --> 00:46:06.731
I want to enjoy coaching, I want to go.

00:46:06.731 --> 00:46:12.380
I want to be as excited to come to the rink every day as I hope my players are excited to come to the rink every day.

00:46:12.380 --> 00:46:39.501
So being part of this as opposed to this you know Wizard of Oz guy behind the screen paying no attention to the man behind the screen kind of thing, he's just dictating what's going on it's gotten so much more enjoyable the last 10, 15 years for me anyway as as a coach, to be able to do this and find, with the relationships, those things we've always gotten better because we had relationships.

00:46:39.501 --> 00:46:41.570
It wasn't just we had a bunch of guys that could play.

00:46:42.291 --> 00:46:47.034
And and and Pete, you're right that that is a newer development, and not just in hockey, right?

00:46:47.034 --> 00:46:48.418
This is actually a societal development.

00:46:48.418 --> 00:47:01.541
We're seeing this in the workplace too, that the ability for everyone to have a unique understanding that, hey, we all really do care about each other, we all really are trying to do the right thing and we all have issues and we're all people and we're not perfect.

00:47:01.541 --> 00:47:05.570
That's more of a modern thing and I think it's an important thing.

00:47:05.570 --> 00:47:10.121
You know, I wrote some notes down here about as we continually move down the age group.

00:47:10.121 --> 00:47:14.358
I'm going to open this up now that we're doing U10 and U8 and U6.

00:47:14.358 --> 00:47:25.405
But you know, one of the keys here for me from a communication standpoint is to remind yourself as an adult that you can't expect the kids to be adults yet.

00:47:25.405 --> 00:47:28.434
It's on us to help them get to that point.

00:47:28.434 --> 00:47:33.565
Right, and I always use the metaphor of lava like a young kid.

00:47:33.565 --> 00:47:35.798
This is really all the way up to 18 now.

00:47:35.798 --> 00:47:39.934
I mean, it is a volcanic eruption, it is lava.

00:47:39.934 --> 00:47:41.320
It is not solid ground.

00:47:41.320 --> 00:47:43.570
If you try and step on it, you're going to sink in and get burnt.

00:47:43.570 --> 00:47:45.635
So you have to have some patience.

00:47:45.635 --> 00:47:48.822
You have to let it cool you got to let it turn into.

00:47:48.822 --> 00:47:49.344
But you can.

00:47:49.344 --> 00:47:51.449
You can motivate it to go a certain direction.

00:47:51.449 --> 00:47:54.480
Right, you can harness that lava to where you need it to be.

00:47:54.480 --> 00:48:02.092
So, when you get down to the U10 and U8 level, what's always funny to me, peter, about what you just said is, again and we're starting to learn, this is not true you can't.

00:48:02.092 --> 00:48:03.175
You can't do that stuff with them.

00:48:03.175 --> 00:48:04.380
You can't do the mental stuff with them.

00:48:04.380 --> 00:48:06.550
They are better at it than most of the older kids.

00:48:06.550 --> 00:48:10.820
All right, and here's the key Again U10 and U8.

00:48:10.820 --> 00:48:16.384
A lot of this basic communication methodology.

00:48:16.384 --> 00:48:18.489
Right, I'll start with the mites.

00:48:18.489 --> 00:48:20.362
Hey, I'm speaking.

00:48:20.362 --> 00:48:21.570
I need you to look at me when I'm speaking.

00:48:21.570 --> 00:48:23.615
I can tell you right now you're on a.

00:48:23.615 --> 00:48:28.550
If you're on a mites bench and you're talking to the kids, they're looking at the ice to look at everything but you, because that's what kids do at that age.

00:48:28.550 --> 00:48:31.635
They, they, they're trained not to look at the adult.

00:48:31.635 --> 00:48:35.101
So I will sit there and, very calmly, eyes on me.

00:48:35.101 --> 00:48:36.244
Coaches speaking.

00:48:36.244 --> 00:48:39.155
I've even told the mites this is not Adams.

00:48:39.155 --> 00:48:40.016
You have a coach now.

00:48:40.016 --> 00:48:46.793
You have a staff and you need to give us respect and we give you the respect of listening when you have questions, but down to that level I am speaking.

00:48:46.793 --> 00:48:47.576
Eyes on me.

00:48:47.576 --> 00:48:51.063
And then also and this is a mistake I see a lot at the younger ages.

00:48:51.063 --> 00:48:58.043
I'd love to get your thoughts on this and you could apply this to squirt a bit too, but it's what much more might is over communicating.

00:48:58.043 --> 00:49:00.353
I want you to do this and this and this and this and this.

00:49:00.353 --> 00:49:12.898
And an eight year old can handle about two things per game, all right, and usually those two things, by the way, are hey, let's keep your feet moving, and when the pucks on your stick, let's skate with it a little bit, let's not just whack it away.

00:49:12.898 --> 00:49:14.813
Right, and you got to be patient.

00:49:14.813 --> 00:49:18.981
It's going to take them half a season, most likely, to get some of these things down.

00:49:18.981 --> 00:49:20.592
You move up to the squirt level.

00:49:20.592 --> 00:49:22.115
Do this, do this, do this, do this?

00:49:22.115 --> 00:49:25.563
No, you're developing an early hockey player.

00:49:25.563 --> 00:49:27.534
Let's figure out on sides first.

00:49:27.534 --> 00:49:30.259
Let's understand what it is to break out.

00:49:30.259 --> 00:49:33.971
Let's understand all of the positions defense, forward, goal, tender.

00:49:33.971 --> 00:49:36.539
You should still be doing that at the squirt level.

00:49:36.539 --> 00:49:40.137
So you're a teacher at every age of coach.

00:49:40.137 --> 00:49:46.550
Don't get me wrong, but I have spoken to elementary school teachers to get advice of how do you teach these kids at this age?

00:49:46.550 --> 00:49:50.117
How do you get them to listen and communicate Right?

00:49:50.117 --> 00:49:52.402
And again, there's a tremendous amount of patience.

00:49:52.402 --> 00:49:59.423
We have all had the kid who tells us the 27 minutes story that just keeps going and going and going.

00:49:59.423 --> 00:50:00.914
You have to know how to you know.

00:50:00.914 --> 00:50:02.559
Okay, let's, let's, let's.

00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:03.101
Hone it in.

00:50:03.101 --> 00:50:05.570
It's not easy, right, you always have time for it.

00:50:05.570 --> 00:50:11.550
And then the other side of it, guys, is the behavior you exude as an adult to that child.

00:50:11.550 --> 00:50:15.981
I said this earlier in the episode are you on your phone while they're talking to you?

00:50:15.981 --> 00:50:20.570
Are you not looking them in the eye when they're talking to you?

00:50:20.570 --> 00:50:26.121
Are you not coming down to their level and meeting them where they're at when they're speaking to you?

00:50:26.121 --> 00:50:30.260
So this is a two-way street of teaching communication.

00:50:30.260 --> 00:50:32.353
And again, it's not just hockey.

00:50:32.353 --> 00:50:43.570
When we're and again, I'm not, I'm sure all of you have a story about this when we are in a restaurant and we are ordering food, my children will look the hostess or the host in the eye when they order their food.

00:50:43.570 --> 00:50:47.550
We will tell them put down the tablet, put down whatever you're doing, look them in the eye and order your food.

00:50:47.550 --> 00:50:48.793
And they do it.

00:50:48.793 --> 00:50:49.153
They do it.

00:50:49.153 --> 00:50:51.139
It's not hard, they do it right.

00:50:51.139 --> 00:50:58.300
So, baseline communication Look at someone when you're speaking to them, give them the respect of putting down the device that you're on.

00:50:58.300 --> 00:51:02.677
If you're on one, just do your best, and if it's not great, that's OK.

00:51:02.677 --> 00:51:03.418
We'll try it again.

00:51:03.418 --> 00:51:08.570
You can see how that's going to translate to the older levels and how the older levels translate to the above levels.

00:51:08.570 --> 00:51:19.570
But let's just talk about Squirt in Might and Adams and maybe a little bit too about the expectation of that level, because it is herding cats sometimes.

00:51:19.570 --> 00:51:29.550
But when you Pete to your point, when you walk into the locker room knowing that you're going to be herding cats, it's much more enjoyable than when you walk in and be like why won't you kids listen to me?

00:51:29.550 --> 00:51:32.960
Why won't you seven-year-old kids listen to me?

00:51:32.960 --> 00:51:35.376
Some nights?

00:51:35.376 --> 00:51:36.097
That's not going to happen.

00:51:36.710 --> 00:51:42.438
No for sure, and one of the things I used to do as we're talking here comes back to mind.

00:51:42.438 --> 00:51:43.059
I think back.

00:51:43.059 --> 00:51:55.324
This was 30 years ago, but 30 years ago I was coaching a Squirt team and I had two rules when you hit something that I called double numbers.

00:51:55.324 --> 00:51:59.277
So as soon as you became 10 years old, there were two things that you did.

00:51:59.277 --> 00:52:01.543
One of them was you tied your own skates.

00:52:01.543 --> 00:52:02.534
Oh, I love that.

00:52:02.534 --> 00:52:03.436
Parents love that.

00:52:03.436 --> 00:52:12.570
If you struggle with it, it will always help you, but the goal by the end of the season is every one of you ties their own skates and, yes, you're right, the parents love that.

00:52:12.570 --> 00:52:15.757
The other one was and this was a communication.

00:52:15.757 --> 00:52:18.202
Even back then I was thinking about it.

00:52:18.202 --> 00:52:23.550
That was back when we had something called a landline, which is pretty much going on the thing in the past.

00:52:23.550 --> 00:52:25.570
If someone has it, it's probably covered with dust.

00:52:25.751 --> 00:52:27.295
You brought up pay phones before man.

00:52:27.295 --> 00:52:28.278
You're dating yourself today.

00:52:28.278 --> 00:52:29.715
That's okay.

00:52:31.431 --> 00:52:36.981
If you knew what it took to get here, to lose all this hair and such, don't you worry, I'm happy with it.

00:52:36.981 --> 00:52:43.721
If you were going to come to practice or you were going to make a game, you called me.

00:52:43.721 --> 00:52:47.018
Now mom and dad could help you dial Right.

00:52:47.018 --> 00:52:59.181
You were the one that was talking to me on the phone and my wife thought it was the funniest thing in the world because the phone would ring and she'd pick it up and she'd say I think it's somebody from Disney because the kids all had those little high peace.

00:52:59.181 --> 00:53:06.463
But the kids would always call me and they were the ones that said Coach, I can't come to practice, what's going on?

00:53:06.463 --> 00:53:08.012
And it was.

00:53:08.012 --> 00:53:21.601
I think it was really good for some of them because you would get things like yeah, I didn't do my homework, or I got in trouble at school today, or my little sister is sick and mom asked to stay home with her, and then we only have the one car, whatever it may be.

00:53:21.601 --> 00:53:32.364
But I always felt good that hopefully somewhere that carried through as a communication skill that they were advocating for themselves.

00:53:32.364 --> 00:53:35.534
I don't think that's too early to do that.

00:53:35.534 --> 00:53:37.137
I think it's safe.

00:53:37.137 --> 00:53:40.163
The parents know what's happening and they're part of it.

00:53:42.231 --> 00:53:51.914
Let me ask you this too my guess is, the first time they had to do that might have been really hard for them and really scary, and maybe the parent had to really push them to do it.

00:53:51.914 --> 00:53:57.797
But once they do it once, maybe twice it's not hard Like because you've done it, you've gotten over the hump, you've got over the fear.

00:53:57.797 --> 00:54:05.018
And I think what's happening now from a society standpoint is we're waiting later and later and later to teach our kids that or or again.

00:54:05.018 --> 00:54:11.010
I don't have a problem with texting, but we rely on that to the point we're not having people talk anymore, right?

00:54:11.010 --> 00:54:13.077
But am I right, like the one or two times after they do that?

00:54:13.077 --> 00:54:14.481
It wasn't hard for them to do that anymore.

00:54:14.590 --> 00:54:19.099
No, I wouldn't have parents tell me you know what I was going to call you, but he or she wouldn't let me.

00:54:19.099 --> 00:54:31.525
That's awesome, yeah, and you hear that and you're like this is great, this is awesome, but but again, like we say, it's become, it's become too easy to not do that.

00:54:31.525 --> 00:54:37.820
That's part of it and that's the hard part is just because it's available.

00:54:37.820 --> 00:54:40.166
Is it the best thing in every situation?

00:54:40.166 --> 00:54:45.233
Sometimes yes, but also sometimes no, and that's the hard part I think about.

00:54:45.233 --> 00:54:47.376
I think that's probably the hardest part about parenting.

00:54:47.376 --> 00:54:56.570
Like I look at my own kids, you know, with their children and it was I honestly think it was easier for me to parent than it is for them today.

00:54:57.190 --> 00:54:57.672
It might be.

00:54:57.672 --> 00:54:58.572
I'll tell you.

00:54:58.572 --> 00:54:58.954
It's funny.

00:54:58.954 --> 00:55:06.045
You mentioned I had a player, a squirt player FaceTime me the other day to tell me something which I thought was really amazing, that he thought to do that.

00:55:06.045 --> 00:55:10.556
The other points you're making that is really good about texting and there's a.

00:55:10.556 --> 00:55:11.838
There's a time and a place.

00:55:11.838 --> 00:55:22.650
We talked about social etiquette, right so, and Mike, you're going to love this one, if you're going to miss a game, I better not get a text of hey, coach, can't make it tonight, all right, that will.

00:55:22.650 --> 00:55:24.534
That would enrage me Right now.

00:55:24.534 --> 00:55:28.539
Look, I might accept something, coach, here's what happened.

00:55:28.539 --> 00:55:34.425
I'm going to have a really hard time making the game tonight and text, but preferably give me a call.

00:55:34.425 --> 00:55:37.413
I mean, I think that deserves a call of.

00:55:37.413 --> 00:55:39.815
I'm not going to make my, my commitment tonight.

00:55:39.815 --> 00:55:41.639
I'd like to explain to you why.

00:55:41.639 --> 00:55:44.501
Right, mike is smile If you listen to this.

00:55:44.501 --> 00:55:45.864
Mike has got to look on his face.

00:55:45.864 --> 00:55:47.065
That is priceless right now.

00:55:47.065 --> 00:55:48.552
He's shaking his head.

00:55:48.552 --> 00:55:49.213
He looks.

00:55:49.213 --> 00:55:51.117
He could be a meme right now or a gift.

00:55:51.117 --> 00:55:52.340
Mike, your thoughts.

00:55:53.831 --> 00:55:58.001
Well, well, it's evolved to hey, I'm not going to be here for this and this, but I'll make it for this and this.

00:55:59.050 --> 00:56:00.793
What the hell is that happen?

00:56:00.873 --> 00:56:03.916
It's like a where you're telling me when you're coming and not coming.

00:56:03.916 --> 00:56:18.978
I don't know when that transition happened, but you know, just as far as the communication piece, it's really just, I mean, I think, at any age, because, pete right, we see this at the college level Like you can't have a 10 point bullet on the wall like these are the 10 things we're going to focus on today.

00:56:18.978 --> 00:56:20.099
It's always three.

00:56:20.099 --> 00:56:23.322
You know two, three things like focus on this, this and this.

00:56:23.322 --> 00:56:33.559
And if you're going to attend you game, you say you know, and one of the three things is we love you and have fun today, like that's a, that's a, that's a bonus.

00:56:33.559 --> 00:56:38.846
If you're a coach that goes in and gives a 25 minute three game, talk at how you're going to play the game.

00:56:38.846 --> 00:56:40.871
It is.

00:56:40.871 --> 00:56:44.858
There's zero chance that any kid in that locker room has taken any of that information in.

00:56:44.858 --> 00:56:46.721
Right, it just not, they're just not.

00:56:46.880 --> 00:56:49.164
And that's what they're listening in the first place.

00:56:50.130 --> 00:56:51.074
Yeah, that's when you're really losing.

00:56:51.074 --> 00:56:52.797
That's whether they have a phone or not.

00:56:52.797 --> 00:56:55.284
Like you know, they don't need a phone to be drawn out.

00:56:55.284 --> 00:56:58.951
I think it's just a matter of just saying listen, just come in, don't, don't remember.

00:56:58.951 --> 00:57:01.112
You'll remember this, this and this.

00:57:01.112 --> 00:57:06.018
The earlier you know, the younger the ages, the more broad those things are.

00:57:06.018 --> 00:57:09.101
You know, work hard, win battles, have fun, you know.

00:57:09.101 --> 00:57:13.425
And then at the college level it's, you know it's going to be like they maintain our system.

00:57:13.425 --> 00:57:15.027
You know, stay out of the box.

00:57:15.027 --> 00:57:16.829
And you know, get pucks on net.

00:57:16.829 --> 00:57:22.976
You know, whatever, just little, little things that you could listen to, any pregame talk and any NHL locker room.

00:57:22.976 --> 00:57:24.137
They're all the same.

00:57:24.137 --> 00:57:30.246
They're all points of emphasis that are that are, that are pinpointed to, maybe the focus of that game.

00:57:30.246 --> 00:57:36.436
There's nobody going in, going, okay, here's what we're going to do between the first and second period.

00:57:36.436 --> 00:57:47.811
Or, you know, at the end of the period, we're going to focus on our left wing lock and making sure that guys are coming through the end zone and then curling up and pulling up and make sure that the high guys in the 131 and this guy, all that kind of stuff is.

00:57:47.811 --> 00:57:48.994
That's what practices for.

00:57:49.815 --> 00:57:53.543
Mike, let me make this point to and Pete, I know you want to say something also.

00:57:53.543 --> 00:58:03.655
Look, I've always said this there's a difference between armchair coaches and real coaches, right, and armchair coach will come in and say here's everything that I see and is wrong with this team.

00:58:03.655 --> 00:58:09.204
I could fix this team in an instant because these 10 things are so obvious.

00:58:09.204 --> 00:58:11.393
That's the easy part of coaching.

00:58:11.713 --> 00:58:12.333
Yeah, we all see it.

00:58:12.414 --> 00:58:18.003
We all can walk in and see a team and say, okay, if they fix these 10 things Right, they're going to be a great team.

00:58:18.003 --> 00:58:21.211
It's like yeah, no, no, crap, right, the coaching.

00:58:21.211 --> 00:58:30.405
The art of coaching is to look at those 10 things, break them down, look at them from a season and then understand from a prioritization point.

00:58:30.405 --> 00:58:42.570
This is how we have to craft our practices in our games to slowly go towards accomplishing as much of this list because you might not get all of it as possible throughout the season.

00:58:42.570 --> 00:58:45.416
That's a huge part of coaching.

00:58:45.416 --> 00:58:57.096
So for all, for all the NHL fans out there that are watching hockey and how to fix the team, you probably aren't wrong to be fair, right, but that's that's just not enough, right, that's just not enough.

00:58:57.096 --> 00:59:07.436
It's so much deeper than that and at all the age groups are talking, creating the environment and then being realistic again, the expectation at the NCAA level is not the same.

00:59:07.436 --> 00:59:08.358
At a might level.

00:59:08.358 --> 00:59:13.693
At a might level, I just want them smile on and skate Right and understanding that this is fun, right.

00:59:13.693 --> 00:59:21.614
I actually you guys will laugh at this, but we had a game last night and wasn't really growing, going great, and I realized halfway through the second period.

00:59:21.614 --> 00:59:25.282
We were giving them two pretty easy actionable items, but they weren't really there.

00:59:25.282 --> 00:59:29.717
So I just started talking in a Mickey Mouse voice and it was amazing.

00:59:29.717 --> 00:59:34.204
They perked up immediately like, like that was a voice of authority.

00:59:34.204 --> 00:59:38.239
Right, and I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not going to do it now, but I do a pretty good Mickey Mouse impression.

00:59:38.239 --> 00:59:40.554
All right, and you know what I did, guys.

00:59:40.554 --> 00:59:49.083
I basically met them where they were at and we had fun the rest of the game and I was saying things that they knew, and it worked, you got to.

00:59:49.083 --> 00:59:51.510
I'm not suggesting that all you go out there and find a great Mickey Mouse impression.

00:59:51.510 --> 00:59:58.820
My point is you got to find methods to get through to these people, to coach them just going on the ice into a mighty.

00:59:58.820 --> 01:00:02.105
You know, guys, if we could fix the breakout we'd be great.

01:00:02.105 --> 01:00:08.570
Oh shit, like that's every team that ever existed, right, you can't expect a might team to do that right away.

01:00:08.570 --> 01:00:10.454
They got to be able to move anyway.

01:00:11.135 --> 01:00:14.543
I'm going to start writing yeah and finding a way to communicate with that.

01:00:14.543 --> 01:00:15.030
It's funny.

01:00:15.030 --> 01:00:15.672
You mentioned that.

01:00:15.672 --> 01:00:16.675
You kind of reminded me of something.

01:00:16.675 --> 01:00:20.367
When I coach prep school, I had a member the first time.

01:00:20.367 --> 01:00:21.951
I brought my iPad onto the bench Right.

01:00:21.951 --> 01:00:23.092
So, the iPad.

01:00:23.092 --> 01:00:30.088
Had that, they had the app, right, that was a rank and you could draw and move things around your fingers, right.

01:00:30.088 --> 01:00:36.027
Right, when you, when you had a coaches board, guys would sort of turn and look.

01:00:36.027 --> 01:00:38.708
Half of them would sort of turn and look away.

01:00:38.708 --> 01:00:53.090
But when you had an iPad and you could draw with your finger, it was like you were telling them that might lottery ticket winner, because everyone was engaged, because technology was what they were focusing in on.

01:00:53.090 --> 01:00:58.452
So finding a way, like you just said, to reach your players that's all you did with that.

01:00:58.452 --> 01:01:00.045
You found a way to reach your players.

01:01:00.045 --> 01:01:01.822
So that reminded me of that.

01:01:01.822 --> 01:01:21.829
And then the other thing, too, with the whole thing about communication and what you brought up about conversation still strikes me at the college level, which means along at the lower levels, again, something parents, if you're listening, work on this piece, because so I'd see, maybe I'd see a player at team dinner.

01:01:21.829 --> 01:01:24.226
They'd look a little off to me for some reason.

01:01:24.226 --> 01:01:26.527
Maybe they were a little quiet just in seeing themselves.

01:01:26.527 --> 01:01:35.619
So I talked to another player who I knew was close to them, saying hey, what's going on with so-and-so today?

01:01:35.619 --> 01:01:37.025
They seemed a little down.

01:01:37.025 --> 01:01:40.360
Yeah, I talked to them and you know who's this, this and this.

01:01:40.360 --> 01:01:41.121
And I said so.

01:01:41.121 --> 01:01:43.088
You talked to them, right?

01:01:43.088 --> 01:01:44.402
Well, I texted them.

01:01:44.402 --> 01:01:45.166
Yeah, I texted them.

01:01:45.166 --> 01:01:50.547
You didn't have a conversation with them, so there was no emotion here.

01:01:50.547 --> 01:02:07.188
So if I'm sitting with you and I have a conversation and I'm making eye contact with you and I'm really listening to you, that goes a lot farther than the fact that you send a text oh man, that stinks, I'm sorry to hear that.

01:02:07.188 --> 01:02:13.826
Or you okay, question mark, yes, you okay, and then you get a thumbs up back Like there's nothing there.

01:02:13.826 --> 01:02:23.271
So, but so curious that at that age still, where they're young men, they think that that is actual communication.

01:02:23.271 --> 01:02:24.927
It is a form of communication.

01:02:24.927 --> 01:02:28.088
But isn't again, the most effective communication?

01:02:28.088 --> 01:02:30.304
Probably not face to face.

01:02:30.304 --> 01:02:34.306
Verbal is still going to be, I don't care what technology they come up with.

01:02:34.306 --> 01:02:43.351
It's still going to be the best form of communication because there is emotion and actual human connection.

01:02:44.242 --> 01:02:45.485
Yeah, does that go to each other there?

01:02:45.485 --> 01:02:48.485
Right, again, that's a big part of communication.

01:02:48.485 --> 01:02:56.144
There is a difference between hearing and listening, right, there's a difference between speaking and waiting for your turn to speak.

01:02:56.144 --> 01:03:07.824
Right, to truly give someone real attention and have them know and this is every age group that, hey, I'm listening, I hear you and I want to know what you think and I want you to listen to me.

01:03:07.824 --> 01:03:17.567
That is something that is deteriorating slowly, but I think we can get back, all right, and I think it starts with all of us, from the young ages all the way through.

01:03:17.567 --> 01:03:20.690
I think it also takes some patience and understanding.

01:03:20.690 --> 01:03:23.608
You gotta remove some of the ego from the situation.

01:03:23.608 --> 01:03:31.442
Again, using the mites as an example, I expect them not to look at me and I don't think that the words coming out of my mouth are gold.

01:03:31.442 --> 01:03:35.125
All right, I expect that I'm gonna have to tell them for weeks or months.

01:03:35.125 --> 01:03:36.744
I need you to look at me when I speak.

01:03:36.744 --> 01:03:38.123
Here's the message.

01:03:38.123 --> 01:03:41.722
I know you're probably going to do it or not going to do it, and I'm okay with that.

01:03:41.722 --> 01:03:51.510
And I think, when you get to the higher levels, I think there is a clear expectation that you will listen to what the coaches say and you will understand what the coaches say, right.

01:03:51.510 --> 01:03:57.927
But even as coaches at the high levels, there's gotta be a level of patience with the ability for players to learn.

01:03:57.927 --> 01:04:07.050
Now again, I think when you get just rounding this whole thing out, when you get to the professional level, there's an expectation you're gonna learn quickly and if you don't you're gonna get sent down, right.

01:04:07.050 --> 01:04:20.949
But there's ways to communicate at that level as well, and I think that the best teams right now, teams that are winning the Stanley Cup, especially the last few years and let's end it on this one, guys there is such a clear family atmosphere.

01:04:20.949 --> 01:04:27.088
Communication is at the highest level as possible, right, these teams don't sacrifice that.

01:04:27.088 --> 01:04:29.809
They take it very, very seriously, right.

01:04:29.809 --> 01:04:39.706
And I think that if you wanna succeed really in anything I'm not just talking hockey you have to understand how to have high levels of trust and great, great communication.

01:04:39.706 --> 01:04:46.568
Mike, I say it all the time 10 out of 10 problems have poor or bad communication on some level.

01:04:46.568 --> 01:04:57.387
I have never seen a problem arise where communication did not play a role in the problem existing, right, whether it's too much or lack of, or just poor ways of communicating.

01:04:58.422 --> 01:05:15.809
Yeah, no, it's the keys to all of us Like just having that information out there and using shared calendars and making sure that people using these apps to our advantage, of making sure that there's not missteps in miscommunication and timing and scheduling and expectations.

01:05:15.809 --> 01:05:22.965
All this stuff could be done very generically and there's not a lot of reasons for coaches not to take advantage of this stuff.

01:05:23.320 --> 01:05:36.045
So, pete, I'm gonna give you the final word before I close this episode out, but I really have enjoyed this episode and I think that it's important to understand, too, that we always say it takes a village right, it takes a village to raise a young person.

01:05:36.045 --> 01:05:38.628
I think this episode is just another great example.

01:05:38.628 --> 01:05:51.168
We're using communication as the guide, but it takes a village we all play a role in this coaches, parents, the kids themselves into developing young people into more effective communicators and, in turn, adults into better communicators as well.

01:05:52.159 --> 01:05:54.547
Yeah, I think too what you said.

01:05:54.547 --> 01:06:10.090
You mentioned the word ego, and to me, the most successful coaches I've ever known are the coaches that don't have I mean, we all have an ego, for sure, but don't make that ever an issue, right?

01:06:10.090 --> 01:06:12.648
And you can do that as a coach.

01:06:12.648 --> 01:06:22.382
As you're talking to a player and that player, you can both check your egos at the door and have an honest communication and just respect each other's opinion, again agreeing to disagree.

01:06:22.382 --> 01:06:27.289
If that's the way it goes, you will be successful as a coach.

01:06:27.289 --> 01:06:38.710
More successful as a coach, because to me, ego is simply a defense mechanism used by an individual so that they do not have to deal with a confrontation.

01:06:40.119 --> 01:06:41.264
Well, I love the way you put that.

01:06:41.264 --> 01:06:45.608
You just given birth to another episode topic that we'll have you back for.

01:06:45.608 --> 01:06:52.126
This is why we like having you on, because there's always another topic after the topic that we discussed, but that's a great way to end this on.

01:06:52.126 --> 01:06:55.690
Guys again, wonderful discussion For those of you listening.

01:06:55.690 --> 01:06:59.844
Hope you took as much value out of that as we did, because that was another great episode of Our Kids Play Hockey.

01:06:59.844 --> 01:07:00.547
And guess what?

01:07:00.547 --> 01:07:14.264
All of the episodes, as you know, available wherever you can listen to podcasts or ourkidsplayhockeycom, and if you are enjoying these, we always ask you to share these episodes with your other families, with your friends, with your kids, with your coaches.

01:07:14.264 --> 01:07:17.666
Help us build that community that really, every day, is growing.

01:07:17.666 --> 01:07:27.527
I mean, we're amazed at the growth of the Our Kids Play Hockey community, both listenership, watching and also our Facebook page, our Kids Play Hockey, which we always ask you all to join.

01:07:27.527 --> 01:07:31.007
So, for Pete Whitney, for Mike Benelli, I'm Lee Elias.

01:07:31.007 --> 01:07:32.952
Thanks for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

01:07:32.952 --> 01:07:33.643
We'll see you next week.

01:07:33.643 --> 01:07:35.003
Have a wonderful everybody.

01:07:35.003 --> 01:07:36.503
Have a wonderful one everybody.

01:07:36.503 --> 01:07:37.427
There it is, skate on.

01:07:37.427 --> 01:07:43.626
It was good, but guys, sorry, I just saw the time and I'm like, oh we gotta.

01:07:43.626 --> 01:07:50.735
We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

01:07:50.735 --> 01:07:59.907
Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network or our website, ourkidsplayhockeycom.

01:07:59.907 --> 01:08:04.947
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01:08:04.947 --> 01:08:09.664
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01:08:09.664 --> 01:08:10.748
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01:08:10.748 --> 01:08:15.065
But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.