How to Create a Screen Routine to Improve Hockey Performance with Larissa Mills

Lee MJ Elias [0:08 - 1:17]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of your favorite show, our kids play hockey. I'm Lee Elias with Mike Benelli and Christy Cassiano burns. And there's a good chance that you're listening to this show through a mobile device with a screen. And today's topic is all about screen time and the constant struggle we face as parents, coaches, and kids with limiting how much we consume on a daily basis. To do that, we brought in a very special guest and expert to discuss how we can create a screen routine that totally rhymes. I didn't mean to do that. That can impact performance. Larissa Mills is the creator of the mental game Academy and the mental game podcast and is a cognitive behavioral specialist with a bachelor's in sociology, psychology, and a master of science in education. So well qualified for this topic. I've had the pleasure of hearing Larissa speak at events in the past, and each time I walk away with a stat or a strategy that I can apply with my teens and even my own kids. Of course, with a show that has the word kids in the title, we would be remiss we didn't tell you that. She's also the proud mother of three children. This is going to be an impactful episode today. Larissa, welcome to our kids play hockey. 

Larissa Mills [1:17 - 1:21]: Thank you. Hello, everybody. It's so nice to be here. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:21 - 1:51]: It's nice to have you here. I'm excited, too, because, again, this is one of those topics that I think everyone has an opinion on it. Everybody wants to know stuff, but we're bringing kind of hard facts today, which are always changing. But this is going to be definitely one of those topics for everybody listening today. That's. You're going to want to know what Larissa asked to say. But, Larissa, before we dive into that, all of us in the athletic, mental fitness world and that arena have an interesting story about why we dove into that space in the first place. What's yours? 

Larissa Mills [1:52 - 3:24]: I think there's probably a few that sort of allowed me to come to this, like, the cortex of it, right? So, a. I was a coach for a long time and still do volleyball, and I started to see my athletes behavior changing, like on 2003. That's when I saw this happen. So I saw the flip phones, and I was like, what are you doing? You're going over to your phone, and I'm right here on the court with the balls. I'm ready to go. And soon as you put a phone in a room, you can't compete with dopamine because dopamine and the notifications and the social aspect of phones drives the frontal cortex of a child's undeveloped brain. Right? Like, they can't control it. They can't barely. I'd say adults struggle with it, but kids can't physically. Their brains are not able to do that yet. So I was like, what is going on here? So one of our head coaches, who was a volleyball coach who coached me, he was like, this isn't good. My dad came and he's like, put them away. This stuff's not good for the brain. And so what I did was I got a, you know those old, like, cool adidas gym bags with the cheap straps in the 1990s. I'm like, I put them all in that bag, and I'm like, when you get here, they're mine. And that was 1999 and 2000, and it started in 2002, and then it got, you know, it got worse and worse. 

Lee MJ Elias [3:24 - 3:26]: We're talking Motorola and sidekicks at the right. 

Larissa Mills [3:26 - 6:17]: Exactly. Like the Motorola would knock you out unconscious. Right? So then I started to see my teams were winning. Why? And then our club, we decided to take the phones away for each team from the club. While our club did very well, I mean, the girls were happier, they were more energetic. And my coach was always. And my mentor was always like, you may not be the best volleyball player on the court, but I want you to be the best thinker on the court. And so phones distract us from cognitive processing. Thinking, thinking without thinking. Hockey is a game of thinking without thinking. Automatic. Right? Volleyball is not quite as fast, but you still have to make decisions in less than a second. So I started to see athletes were indecisive. They were hesitant. Their confidence was going down. And as I took this on, my teams remained okay, but I had to really apply more mental skills. So as kids were watching more social media and video shorts, which shrink the hippocampus in the brain, which is a very scary thing. Very scary. They were coming less equipped mentally, so then I had to put in more mental work. So I'm like, okay, that's it. I need something like a program that I can give them that is. That is structured. And I just was caring about my athletes at that point, right? So I just wrote something. I got them on routines, because cognitively, we need to think positive and effective and productive. But kids don't understand that in order to be positive or stay in green and beast mode, that our brains have to work effectively and productively first to get to positive. Well, 80% of the kids that come here are in yellow on their traffic lights, because social media keeps them in yellow and keeps that nervous system tracking yellow. So if you wonder why kids are moody, not listening, and distracted in their development practices, that's probably one of the major reason why, is because dopamine really sets our nervous system off and our heart rate and our brain is like, at the end of the day, stop buzzing me, dudes. The brain is, like, 176 times of touching your phone is enough for me. Like, stop. Like, the brain goes, I'm out. And I have kids who touch their phone 390 times a day. So we really have to be aware of what we're setting up. And kids won't stop, right? Kids cannot, in their neurological senses, stop. So it's our job. And if they're coming less equipped for performance, in fact, I'd say performance is over here. And I don't see many kids performing. I see kids struggling with cognitive and psychological skills. So that's how I got into it, I guess, is that long, indirect route is I saw my own teams changing. 

Christie Casciano [6:19 - 6:37]: We'll dig more into the sports element, but I gotta jump in here, because New York state right now, it's a hot topic. Banny cell phones in schools. Governor Kathy Hochul hasn't made a decision yet, but she's weighing heavily toward instituting a ban on cell phones. 

Larissa Mills [6:37 - 6:37]: Oh, absolutely. 

Christie Casciano [6:37 - 7:05]: It's a huge debate around New York. One of our school districts went ahead and already, you know, jumped the gun, and they already instituted a no cell phone policy while in school. And you know what they've seen? We just talked to them last week. They've seen kids, more engaged kids are actually talking to each other in the lunch room again. They're playing games. They're having facial eye to eye contact. 

Larissa Mills [7:05 - 7:07]: They're learning how to talk. 

Christie Casciano [7:07 - 7:37]: They're learning how to talk again. But parents are very hesitant, and maybe you can help parents, you know, let go a little bit here. Because of all the incidents we've had in schools, we want our kids to have cell phones with them. So in case something happens, I can instantly get a text from you, talk to, you, know, that you're okay. So it's. It's. It's a struggle for parents, too. 

Larissa Mills [7:38 - 9:51]: I think that's a twofold answer. So the first one I'm going to give is a safety feature where I went to the police, and I. And I actually heard them talk about safeties in schools with guns and shootings and bomb like, because we have those threats here. Actually, the number one distraction in the hand of a child in the moment of an act like that is a phone, because a child needs to look at the teacher and the eyes in the room and be aware of everything that's going on around them. If they're on a phone, they can actually alert their perpetrators to where they are. So you don't want that. And the perpetrators can now actually find your phone. If you have something on, they're going to track you. So you don't want anyone to know, right, that you're there. And the second thing the police told me was, and security, who was running this in the RCMP in Ontario, was that you need to be listening to the eyes of the adult in the room at the time. Because if you miss signals like quiet move and you're left there talking on your phone and you've missed the whole class leaving your room to go to the next back room, that's a problem. And that seems to be happening more. In fact, your child is more likely to be in danger with a phone in school in an incident like that because they're not listening and it revs their nervous system up and they panic more. And kids today go to panic instead of reason, right? So for those parents, I absolutely, my children don't have any phones in their school. I never have because I want them alerted to whatever is going on. I want their wits with them. And that untethering of the parent to the child with the phone, I have to say that you're actually making your child more dependent and nervous and anxious. New way of thinking, right? And it's, and this is not just me, this is the collective medical community, right? This is. Physicians emerge, physicians, families, psychiatrists, neurologists. They believe that phones are not allowing kids to learn accountability or responsibility. They must be able to think independently with their brain. So that's. 

Christie Casciano [9:51 - 9:56]: And then the other piece of it was just being engaged in school, right? 

Larissa Mills [9:56 - 11:12]: That's the bonus. So the bonus is we get, kids are like in France, they banned phones immediately when they saw what was going on. These kids, their, their rates of suicide, depression and anxiety all lowered. Wow, they're behaving. And for us, this is a behavioral epidemic, right? This, it's a behavioral epidemic because kids don't have the mental skills to cooperate, communicate or compromise, right, or control their behavior. It's the game and the challenge of the C words, because if they are in control or they can compromise, we wouldn't have kids throwing stuff at each other and ended up suspended in schools or we wouldn't have bullying going on. This is the highest bullying rates ever in school and education. And I came from the school system as a behavioral consultant and I said, I'm out. If you're going to put phones in, I'm out. It's uncontrollable there with phones. So behavior is what our number one mission is in schools with discipline and of course, the mission of curriculum and education. But you can't have discipline, order and enjoyment unless their phones are there. They just look at them nonstop. So I'm happy. Anyone who's banning phones, yay, leadership. All right. 

Christie Casciano [11:12 - 11:21]: A timely topic as we discussed in New York state. Also a timely topic in the home of Mike Benelli. So I'm going to turn the mic over. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:22 - 11:24]: I love that you called him my Benelli. 

Larissa Mills [11:24 - 11:25]: My Benelli. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:25 - 11:28]: Now I can think of my Benelli. 

Larissa Mills [11:28 - 11:30]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. 

Mike Bonelli [11:31 - 12:11]: And I know I'm really, you know, like I said, I've said this very often on these podcasts that this is like the best educational resource, I think, for myself. And I think, you know, and, and sometimes, you know, and I'll take, you know, it's good for me to hear from all these different people. Right. But ultimately, it's your, your apparent in a place with your kids. I've got, I've got a teenager, your older teenager and a, and a preteen. And the preteen doesn't have a phone yet. You know, we talk about, yeah, it's, it is a thumbs, but, but like, what? So here's where I struggle, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [12:11 - 12:11]: And what? 

Mike Bonelli [12:11 - 12:41]: And to create a healthy phone routine and increasing performance. I think this is all like, like, I think everybody knows this. Like, I know that if my son is not on his phone for, you know, 6 hours in a day, it's better for him. But the fight is now, like, I'll give you a great example. My, our fifth grade graduation, going to 6th grade. Every kid, every kid graduated is exchanging numbers. 

Larissa Mills [12:42 - 12:42]: Wow. 

Lee MJ Elias [12:42 - 12:42]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [12:42 - 12:52]: And he's the only one not that didn't have a phone. I mean, literally the only person. And I'm looking at my wife and we're going like, where, what, what did we do wrong? Like, like, we've really messed up doing anything wrong. 

Larissa Mills [12:52 - 12:52]: You're doing. 

Mike Bonelli [12:52 - 14:05]: Right, right. But what happens is now the kids are in these situations, and I think I find this as a coach, too. Like, we tell the kids they can't have their phones, but yet we do all our communication through the phone. We tell them they can't do this. But yes, we're asking them to look at these. You know, 7 hours of video where on the phone. I don't even, I don't even know if my teenager opens his computer anymore. I mean, because, you know, so all of this stuff for fighting, you know, I would love to hear, and I just got into this fight this week about, it was more about not the use of the phone so much, but more of the, well, when you're on your phone, what are you taking away from? What are you getting out of your life? Like, what are you taking away from development? What are you taking away from communication? Because there's only so much time, right. You have 24 hours. And like, maybe tell us a little bit about the statistics you're finding. I mean, if there's 24 hours in a day and our teenagers are on the phone for seven, eight, 9 hours of that, ooh, that's too high. Right. But where, but where's, where are they getting the time? Like, where, so what's, how we filling that void? And what are some strategies we can use? 

Larissa Mills [14:05 - 14:06]: Sure. 

Mike Bonelli [14:06 - 14:19]: You know, to make sure that we're not, you know, that we're not relying on the phone for them. Cause Chrissy just said it. Like, I think that's the biggest argument I get from other parents. Oh, well, I need to be able to contact my kid during the day. 

Larissa Mills [14:19 - 14:20]: No, you don't. 

Mike Bonelli [14:20 - 14:30]: No, I don't think you do. That's why you go to a school. I mean, I don't know. I mean, that's why you're, that's why you're in a, in a place of, that you trust. And hopefully. 

Larissa Mills [14:30 - 17:36]: Let's start back with that. So let's go back to this untethering of parents worrying about phones at school and they want their kid to have a phone. Well, we're creating an anxious generation of kids, and if we want to increase that, we'll give them a phone, by all means. But here's what the problem is. They're not going to think for themselves. They're not going to problem solve for themselves. They're not going to be able to do things for themselves. And the phone thing at school, actually, I want to say that when I was in school, it was a very tragic accident that happened. A kid in a class, parents both died. They're orthopedic surgeons in a car, in a plane crash. The principal got a phone call from hospital or somebody. If you're in dire straits and not just missing your phys ed shorts. Right. Or an apple in your lunch, you can be contacted through the school. The principal came, got the child out, came to the office, the grandparents came, got him, he went to the hospital. He was found out that his brother survived, but his parents both died. And so the school has these policies in place to protect the children and to get the proper communication in. And we have to start trusting our school bodies again because that is ultimately what we. That's where it needs to happen. But kids have to learn to start thinking on their own. And right now we're creating a completely dependent society with very little leadership. That's very scary to me. To your point about children on phones too much? Well, I can safely say that the majority of the pediatric societies, the american, canadian, australian and british, all say 1 hour of phone time. That's it. Because the brain and brain chemistry and behavior are three different things. So you may lower the dopamine and the cortisol and bring down the nervous system back to control, but the behavior of keeping touching the notifications becomes an obsessive compulsive disorder. Right? It's an obsession. It becomes almost like instinctual, like the more you keep ringing the bell for the pavlovian dogs, you're going to go and salivate, right? That's all this is. That's the same science applied in the reward system of the brain. So we have to teach the kids that you can't have your phone all day because you can't be a judge and have your phone all day. You can't be a doctor and have your phone all day. You can't be a pilot and have your phone. There isn't one job where you're allowed to have your phone all day in your hand. And we're not creating, I'm afraid we're not creating thinkers and leaders, because you need to have mental IQ phone IQ to have leadership IQ today, it wasn't like this 30 years ago. It was just mental IQ and integration of team cohesion standards. It's very different today. The average child is on a phone 22,000 hours. Some are 35,000 hours by 16. 

Mike Bonelli [17:36 - 17:37]: Wow. 

Larissa Mills [17:37 - 19:02]: Because some school boards put their kids on phones. Now, that's wrong. I don't care what leadership board you are, but there should be no phones or no phones used. In fact, all the evidence and science points to if you write, talk, show, share, teach curriculum goes from the short term memory of the brain to the long term memory of the brain. And we remember things. Right now we're not remembering much. So that's why boys gpas are crashing in the US. Crashing our averages here in Canada don't look good. Don't want to look over here, north of the border. Not good. So we have to do something. So routines you were speaking about, Mike, are actually the best. And educating them about what social media is. And to make it, don't take my good energy. I want it to give me good energy. And if it's not giving me good energy, delete it. Delete the person, be safe on it and limit it to 30, 40 minutes a day. But not scrolling on video shorts, which actually hurt the brain. They actually are causing the hippocampus to shrink, which I hope everybody understands. That's an important part of the brain. Now the trend by Doctor Hutton, Doctor Twenge, Doctor Cheever, who are leading renowned scientists in all of this area are saying we're at a tipping point here of phone use. We have to get it down or ban them. 

Mike Bonelli [19:03 - 19:58]: So I would go home, right, and I'll recite that verbatim. Right. I'll be. I'll sit the table. But, you know, as I'm scrolling, telling my son that, you know, he. And I think this is like, so, so there's no doubt about, like, I mean, I am in a profession where I use my phone quite a bit. I mean, my phone's replaced almost everything I do, you know, I mean, that just, that's just, you know, I mean, I'm talking to different kids, I'm speaking with coaches, I'm watching video, I'm doing social media posts. Like, I'm on my phone way too much and my kids will throw that in my face, like, well, you're. You're on your phone and it is. But, but I think it becomes a. We, we're all in that we're all in the world with all the kids. So I think it. Unless you have a community around you, helping you, like, it makes it so hard because if your kid goes to a playdate and all of a sudden every kid has a phone and that's how they're communicating. Like, it just, it just. It's a very. 

Larissa Mills [19:58 - 20:05]: Well, there's, there's phones. Like a true me phone. You can text, you don't need the browser, you. So they talk in text. 

Mike Bonelli [20:05 - 20:05]: Right. 

Larissa Mills [20:05 - 21:01]: All these new phones are coming out. In fact, if your team ecosystem and sport ecosystem is encouraging a healthier use of tech, which we work with walkie organizations, we have different partnerships all over. And we're encouraging coaches to go back to laptops because it actually, we're seeing our coaches in our highest levels who we work with in the NHL, OhL, NCAA, they're revved up. They're angry, they're stressed. They're in a pressure cooker. Anyway, so actually moving to your laptop tells the kids, I'm at work. I'm not just dabbling on my phone. So all my work is done pretty much on my laptop. I can do all social media, everything. And when you know what, I've changed it. And I help other coaches change it, too. When I'm doing social media posts, my kids are at school. They don't see it, so that when they come home, I'm working, mom's on a laptop at the dining room table, I'm working. And that way, kids start to see the work ethic, not the phone habit. 

Mike Bonelli [21:02 - 21:13]: Right, right. Cause every time I'm on the phone, my little guy's like, oh, you're on Facebook again? I go, no, I'm not on Facebook. I'm actually. I'm emailing somebody. But I could understand that. Like, if I. If you look down, I was on my computer, most likely I'm. 

Larissa Mills [21:13 - 21:15]: I gotta practice when I'm preaching at home. 

Mike Bonelli [21:15 - 21:17]: No, no, it makes a lot of sense. 

Larissa Mills [21:18 - 22:23]: First. Yeah, yeah. And I have a 20 year old, a 17 year old, and a 13 year old, and the 13 year old just got a phone, just. And he doesn't even have all that stuff on it. What do you call it? Data or whatever. He has to Wi Fi. But I. If I tell my kid, I'm gonna drop you off at the rink, I'm gonna pick you up. He doesn't need a phone like they 30 years ago. We all survived. In fact, we were more independent, and there was better health statistics than there were then than there are now. So the routines to go back. Laptops are work, and I try to use my phone less when my children are around me so that they see that I'm working, that they see adults are working now. Nothing. Adults can be on their phone up to 12 hours a day. Right. It's becoming a real issue in the corporate world because we do cognitive performance, like corporate cognitive performance for different corporations. And now we've actually got adults down from four to 9 hours a day, down to 2 hours a day of phone use. 

Christie Casciano [22:23 - 22:48]: Right. But as Mike pointed out, his 17 year old is barely on the laptop now, because you get assignments and videos that you have to watch. It's just as easy to watch it on the phone. More convenient for hockey kids, because we're traveling a lot. So sometimes it's easier to just have your phone with you. So now you're saying, well, okay, well, I watch a living. 

Larissa Mills [22:50 - 23:15]: Are you on there bullying? Are you on social media? No. You're actually looking at constructive film. That's different. If you're looking at it as a collective of people all traveling. Like, I got different partnerships with different NHL development groups. The kids are all doing that. And it's like, okay, at nine you're going to do it. Book it, say it, discuss it, travel it, but make it a point to. It's to use your phone with intention. 

Lee MJ Elias [23:15 - 23:16]: So I guess. 

Mike Bonelli [23:16 - 23:47]: I guess that's my point, really. I know, Lee, I'm trying to get as much as I can out of this, right. So what you're saying is. Makes a lot of sense, right? If we work as a team, if my team is following this routine, if I'm. If I'm a. If I'm a development specialist and I say boys, girls, whatever our team is, is using this as part of our development strategy, right? But. But at least then I'm saying we're all in this, like. So all of us. 

Larissa Mills [23:47 - 23:48]: Right, right. 

Mike Bonelli [23:48 - 24:28]: Are going to view this video at this time from ten to eleven. But then the rest, this has to be. The rest is off the phone and we have to collectively as a group. Just like bullying, right? Or just like being a captain of a hockey team or being a leader. Like we talk about all the time, like, hey, sometimes it's harder to stand up and say what you we should be doing than to go along with the crowd. So if we're all sitting in the room and we're all looking at our phones, somebody has to be strong enough to say, hey, boys, let's put the phones in the. In the Adidas Baghdad and let's go do something. But that comes from the culture and the leadership. 

Larissa Mills [24:28 - 27:53]: And we're working with complete leadership now where we're giving them tons of different procedures and protocols and ideas. Because if you're not investing in your game and your mind, phones are just going to sabotage your game time. So why are you bothering doing that? Because if you're gambling, if you were on, here's the weird thing. Our brains take 20 minutes to refocus on something that we were doing or should be doing. So if you just made a bet two minutes before you got to go out in the first period, or you just looked at your social media and you found out some girl didn't like your post or somebody didn't like your picture, I'm telling you that what these kids are thinking about in the first period isn't hockey. They're in yellow on their traffic light. And one negative thought, one tracking thought will not give you beast mode on the ice. And these kids don't have that divisiveness in their brain and the discipline yet. Not even adults in pros we do soccer in NHL and especially betting is the worst when they place their bets just before they go out. I can tell you that you're not going to play that well, I can guarantee it. And then when you go back the first thing you're going to check is your phone. You're either going to be happy. Reward in the brain goes yeah. Or you're going to be mad because you just lost a couple thousand dollars and you're like, you're angry. So then your second period not going to be so great. So we're teaching our pros and our other kids because we've got 16 1718 year old kids all betting. This betting thing is out of control and an inappropriate use, I might say as well out of control. So we're trying to help them be safe but use the phones two and a half hours, 3 hours before they leave the house to go to their practice or their game and leave your phone at home or leave it in the car, then you're not tempted because our brains simply can't not look right. So and I tell you the athletes that are doing it, we have kids who are now in the OHL, kids that are now going to AHL, kids that are getting on to Olympic teams because they've made these simple changes because our brains hate tech. We love tech. It makes our days easier. But we have to just balance it out. That's all. Balance it out. And the best time to use social media is at noon every day because it's the highest point of light, right? And then we have time to think. But before bed in our rooms when kids are on it the most, the worst time, the most destructive time for their, for their minds. And kids are coming to me, very little confidence, very little self esteem. And that's what social media does within 30 scrolls is actually take their brain and go, I'm not good enough. I'm not strong enough, I'm not, I'm not ripped enough. My virtual reals are all better. Oh my gosh. Their reels and movies are better than mine. I suck. So they go to bed thinking they suck. Then they wake up. How do you feel? I suck. And it's this toxic cycle these kids are trapped in. And until you intervene, give them. I got kids now. No problem. These teams are killing it. I can't wait for my tournaments with my teams, they'll be number one for sure. Soon as they know how to go to bed without a phone. Don't check it for 30 minutes, and they check it at lunch every day in three, they're doing just fine. It's taking that dopamine down to take the nervous system down and the heart rate down. 

Lee MJ Elias [27:53 - 27:53]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [27:53 - 27:55]: Can I interject one more time, Lisa? 

Lee MJ Elias [27:55 - 27:56]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [27:56 - 28:09]: So is it, is it kind of like smoking? Like they say if you're a smoker, right, and you stop smoking, but if you stop smoking, you can. You can. But you can recover. Like, it's amazing what the body can do. Right? 

Larissa Mills [28:09 - 28:11]: So this is more instant than smoking. 

Mike Bonelli [28:11 - 28:39]: Yeah. Right. So what I'm saying is, is that something where you're seeing in your studies and your actual work is that when these young men and women, these players can, can strategize to do these, you know, hints on how to be on the phone when they could be on the phone routine that you're seeing, like, that's something tangible that a coach and a parent will see, like, instantly, right? 

Larissa Mills [28:39 - 30:01]: So within, I had an NCAA team within one week, they were like, I feel better. I think I'm faster. I think I'm stronger. And the one guy goes, you totally hit that guy clean. That was a good hit. And they're. And so what happens in our brain when we're on less dopamine? All of a sudden our brain goes, hello, I'm awake. I'm ready to fire. And now we can think. So the hockey IQ actually goes up and you can see hockey IQ. Like, I got a coach going, I don't know what you just did to these kids, but in two weeks, they're faster, they're playing harder, and their energy on the bench is insane. And I'm like, okay. And that is the trend. You'll see changes within not even days. But, like, collectively, we're doing studies now. If we're lowering the dopamine for a couple of the canadian varsity teams, we're testing their physical results, right. To see did your vertical get higher, did your lift get better? Because if dopamine goes down and you're in control and you feel calm, you can go green and beast mode. But if you're in red or yellow, you're angry or upset, you're not going to be able to lift well or test well, but it's pretty quick, right? Coca or cocaine, that's exactly what we're doing. A little hits of micro doses all day. So the bit as soon as it's out of our system, we can forge ahead, head down, work done. Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:01 - 30:07]: You know, Larissa, there's so many places I want to go from here. I got a page full of those. You know, one of the things is. 

Mike Bonelli [30:07 - 30:08]: I'm going to put myself on mute. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:08 - 30:10]: No, you're good, Mike. I love. I love. 

Larissa Mills [30:10 - 30:14]: No, no, I love your questions. I get it. Because we can totally help. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:14 - 31:13]: Please don't mute yourself. You know, one of the. There's a few places I want to go from here. Like, one is just breaking the habit. Right. With parents. You know, it is so easy for us to kind of have. Well, they're into it already, but I equate it to diapers a bit. It's like, yeah, you're going to have a hard week that, when you try and get the kids out of the diapers, but you just. Yeah, you got to do it. And the benefits are clear. You have to communicate the benefits a little bit, too. And I think that's part of it. A couple other notes, too. You know, we were talking about sending kids to school or sending kids out with phones. There are alternatives, especially at the younger ages. My kids walk home multiple days a week. They have these watches that we control. Right. And they're basically only on when we decide for them to be on. They love it. They love the responsibility, but it's not something they can scroll and use. And I think at the younger ages, that's a great thing. It obviously has gps in it. I know exactly where they are. Yep. That solved the need without them having a phone. 

Mike Bonelli [31:13 - 31:13]: Right? 

Larissa Mills [31:13 - 31:23]: Like Cosmo watches or anything like that are really good. Trume. Phones are really good. I don't recommend many phones, but I. If I could get a true me phone here in Canada, I absolutely would. 

Lee MJ Elias [31:23 - 31:27]: And my point is, there's options. There are other options than an iPhone or. 

Larissa Mills [31:28 - 31:36]: And there's also control apps. We have control apps. I want my kid for dinner. Or. Or you've had too much and you've gone over. Bam. Off. 

Lee MJ Elias [31:36 - 31:38]: Right. And that's part of your brain. 

Larissa Mills [31:38 - 31:39]: I'm going to control it for you. 

Lee MJ Elias [31:39 - 32:07]: That's part of the responsibility of being a parent. The other part is this. We are all guilty of this as adults. A lot of us use our phones. I think it's. You said it, too, Larissa. Like, I'm very conscious, again, no perfect parents, but I'm very conscious of. Am I using my phone at the dinner table? Am I using my phone when they're sitting around? Sometimes I do. I'm not perfect with it. But I'm conscious of. No, we're having dinner right now. And the other thing, too, is put the phone in the other room. 

Larissa Mills [32:07 - 32:10]: I mean, the docking station is a huge thing for fans. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:10 - 33:19]: Yeah, put it away. Like, why? Why create. Because we get those dopamine hits, too. We're just. We're just a little older. And I think there's a responsibility as an adult to remind ourselves, like, we did this. We handed them the phone. We handed them the technology. That was a choice. So there's some responsibility there. Now, with that said, I want to rewind back. I wrote a book a few years ago about the emerging technology in sports. And one of the things we found, and I think this is actually pretty important, was that technology always evolves faster than our ability to utilize it. Right. The example I always give is, in the civil war, the cannons and the weapons were far advanced from the revolutionary war, but you still got people marching in a line across an open field, and it became the bloodiest war in american history. And it was around that time, people, we should probably change the tactics, right? Because walking into this cannon fire is not a good idea. Computers, digital technology is no different. It is advancing so fast. And we are not, as a society, utilizing it to the best of our advantage. 

Larissa Mills [33:19 - 33:19]: No. 

Lee MJ Elias [33:20 - 33:20]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [33:21 - 33:21]: Yeah. 

Larissa Mills [33:21 - 33:30]: We're actually, tech is so ahead of us. That behavior has taken two decades to really show us what's going on with two techniques. 

Lee MJ Elias [33:30 - 33:31]: Right. 

Larissa Mills [33:31 - 34:12]: And now, coaches, here's where I come in on the coaching ecosystem side, because we're teaching coaches cognitive strategies to help meet with this new brain, this new addicted, distracted athlete that can barely focus for two minutes in a practice. So now we have to meet the kids where they're at. And these coaches are struggling not with coaching hockey. They don't want to coach hockey. They're struggling with behavior, because this brain can't focus. This brain has no. We don't have any confidence in this child. Instead of one kid misbehaving at a 17, it's. I'm saying, it's like four kids are addicted to their phone. Five have no esteem. Five can't listen. This is not. 

Lee MJ Elias [34:12 - 34:23]: Well, it's based on their. We'll say their feeds as well. And I'll say this, too. Let's give some practical advice here. Right. Um, I'm coaching ten u right now amongst other teams. 

Larissa Mills [34:23 - 34:23]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [34:24 - 35:38]: Uh, they already have an issue paying attention. Right. So it's all about the approach for me. I could yell at them and say, pay attention when I'm talking. And what I do is we actually do a lot of, uh, quick two minute meditations of, let's just stay focused for two minutes. Yeah. And then what I do is, uh, and I have never underestimated a young kid's ability when an adult is talking to just drift off into space. That's been happening forever. But what I've done with them is start to say, listen, it's okay. That's a natural response. But I need you to recognize, and this is the key for me, I need you to recognize your mind is drifting and try and bring it back. And then I present that to them as this is a skill set. I also tell them, too, Loretta said that you're a squirt right now in peewee and bantams. This will not be accepted. This will be the difference between you making a team or nothing. And that now I have their attention. And again, we practice it. This is the other point. We practice every. I mean, this literally every time we're together, we do these little quick mind reps and we work on it and I explain it. It's a skill. You gotta work on this. Now, I don't have them 24 hours a day, but I can tell you right now, they get better at it every time. 

Larissa Mills [35:39 - 35:39]: Yep. 

Lee MJ Elias [35:39 - 35:44]: Right. They're not as distracted. They seem to be focused. And you can see them do it on the bench sometimes. 

Larissa Mills [35:44 - 36:28]: And that's good too, Lee, because this is a very, this skill set. Auditory skills have declined, right. Because we're a very visual, very visual society now. So kids can actually learn more visually through reading playbooks or video. But you got to track them on the videos because they'll just sit there and blank stare at the video. Right. And go, uh, so put them on video. That's great. But unless you're tracking or watching or circling, they won't track it. So visualization for athletes today is 40% more likely what you're dealing with. And auditory, they're checking out, but to get them to listen more, shorter instructions, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [36:28 - 36:29]: Oh, yeah. 

Larissa Mills [36:29 - 37:11]: Add them together to get your big four part progressive advanced hockey drill. Like, we're talking to USA Hockey and Hockey Canada and we're helping the coach. They're like, we don't know what to do. Okay, well, remember, at 14, this is still going to be like. If you're teaching 16 year old boys and girls, they're behind two to three years of their cognitive and mental development. This is how far, if they're on their phones, two to 3000 hours a year. We're not helping them to get ahead. They're behind, so we need to bring them back up. But right now, when you're coaching, I would suggest looking at drills two to three years behind their age. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:11 - 37:39]: It's interesting. And I'll tell you this, too. You're seeing it in the clearest one is communication. The lack of ability to verbalize anything is a clear problem to the point that practices now, we work it in. In the sense of, like, if you do not call for the puck, I will not pass it to you. You just cannot forget to do it. And it's okay. You just won't get a pass on that drill. I joke all the time, Mike, that if we could text on the ice, we'd be the best communication team on the ice. 

Larissa Mills [37:39 - 37:40]: Correct. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:40 - 37:43]: I could text, hey, go to the net. 

Larissa Mills [37:43 - 37:46]: Go behind the net. I'll pass it to you there. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:46 - 37:54]: You know, but here's the thing. I'm saying this, too. It's frustrating, but I'm also empathetic to the kids. This is the environment that they've grown up in. 

Larissa Mills [37:54 - 37:56]: We set them up with it. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:56 - 38:05]: Exactly. And I try and approach it, like, for action items here with an understanding of that. Right. You can't go in and just yell at them first off. That's just going to make them want to. 

Larissa Mills [38:05 - 38:10]: Actually, this child today, if you yell at them, is more likely to shut down. 

Lee MJ Elias [38:10 - 38:10]: Yeah. 

Larissa Mills [38:11 - 38:20]: Because they have very few coping mechanisms and problem solving techniques. Even our 18 year old boys are crying and girls. 

Lee MJ Elias [38:20 - 38:20]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [38:20 - 38:21]: They can't. 

Larissa Mills [38:21 - 38:23]: They can't cope with feedback. They shut down now. 

Lee MJ Elias [38:24 - 38:47]: Right. We're seeing in the workplace. Yeah. It's. It's a generation. It's a generational change. And again, look, we. Every generation deals with something, all right? Every one of them deals with something. I don't. I don't even know the long term effects of when television came around, what that may or may not have done. But my point is, this hazard was good. It was a great show. Did an antenna. 

Mike Bonelli [38:47 - 38:51]: Yeah, but that was the same. But that was the same. That was the same thing, right? Watching the boob tube and just. 

Larissa Mills [38:51 - 38:54]: And that's way better for us, to be honest. 

Mike Bonelli [38:54 - 39:04]: Right. But I mean. But the time. But the time, like, I could. I know for a fact that that was, you know, oh, you're going to sit here and watch tv or you're going to go out and train? Or you're going to. Are you going to do this or you're going to go train? 

Larissa Mills [39:04 - 39:04]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [39:04 - 39:13]: So, I mean, so we're dealing with just a different, like a more addicting technology. This is because it's with them all the time. Like, I don't. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:13 - 39:14]: Cocaine. That's what she said. 

Mike Bonelli [39:14 - 39:16]: She's writing it in her hand. 

Larissa Mills [39:16 - 39:20]: There's no other word for it there. It's like micro doses. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:20 - 40:04]: I do want to keep turning the show towards some real actionable items for the kids. You know, it's funny, too. His last point is, you know, I get that screen time update on my phone weekly, and, you know, I was working on this, and my screen time started to come down, and I'm like, my God, this is like weight loss. Like, this is hard. It's like losing weight, and you got to really put in the time and be hungry. So, I mean, that's just me talking as an adult. Here's a great question again, parents, you've got to be sold at this point that this stuff is not good for your kids. So I know what you're asking at home, which is, okay, well, what do I do? I'm bought in Larissa's. Right? What do I do? Here's a good starting question. At what age should we even consider our kids having a full out mobile device? 

Larissa Mills [40:04 - 40:06]: You really want that answer? 

Lee MJ Elias [40:06 - 40:08]: I have to ask the question. 

Christie Casciano [40:08 - 40:10]: I think it's going to be some tough love here. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:10 - 40:12]: And don't say never, because that's not realistic. 

Larissa Mills [40:13 - 40:24]: 18, I think. 25. Right. But 18. Right. And I'm not. And here's my thing. Is it with a browser in social media, or is it with talk and text? 

Lee MJ Elias [40:24 - 40:24]: Right. 

Larissa Mills [40:25 - 40:31]: That's the difference of what I'm like. Where. What are you. Are you asking me a full blown iPhone, then? No, that's just like handing them. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:31 - 40:32]: That is exactly what I'm asking. 

Larissa Mills [40:32 - 41:49]: Later and you'll be messed up forever. Or I can give them talk and text. I can give them a true me. I can put them on control apps. I can teach them how to use a phone. But 18, right? 18 is what I'd say if you're just going to hand them a phone. Well, fine. Can we give them one at 14? Well, that's the worst stage of puberty for social media and texting and the most inappropriate stuff I've ever seen amongst an illegal stuff on phones, because that's when their brains are like, I'm in puberty, let's go. They're out of control and they're like, 1418. It's like their brains actually are working overtime in puberty. Brain. Right. So that's really not the best time to give it, but a lot of people do. Now you can give it to them with segmenting. Okay, I'm going to let you have one app. Can you control yourself on it? I'm going to. I'm going to let you have the phone an hour a day after school. But you have to have your chores done, this done, and this done. I have a parent, a whole group of soccer, a whole soccer club chores, doing their journals every day for soccer because no teachers give homework anymore. And something else. So, because if we're not teaching them accountability at home and to do things in their own free time, we're not setting them up for a future. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:49 - 41:50]: That's a great example. 

Larissa Mills [41:50 - 42:24]: Right? Accountability is built in. And do you know what they're on? Because another kid, he was gaming with a kid he thought was another kid and ended up to be a pedophile, found their ips, try to lure the kid out and that happens. So you have to monitor. I have phone checks. And if you're asking me about setting up a kid's phone, it's got to be routines. Routines are key and it's got to be controlled and you have to control it. So if you're going to give them a phone, the worst time to check a phone is actually in the morning, as soon as you wake up. 

Lee MJ Elias [42:24 - 42:25]: Right? Right. 

Larissa Mills [42:26 - 42:49]: The dopamine goes the highest from its lowest. And so the brain's fighting to get that high dopamine all day. So the best time to check your phone is like, hey, get five wins in by 09:00 a.m. make your bed, make your food, do your chores, do stuff, do your rolling, do your pilates. Like our other athletes who are trying to go d one, they got to build these things in. They got to have their. So check at nine. 

Lee MJ Elias [42:51 - 42:58]: I can hear parents saying, well, is that realistic? Because that's hard. It's hard. It's going to be hard as a parent. 

Larissa Mills [42:58 - 43:01]: It bags under my eyes. I'm a parenthood. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:01 - 43:03]: It's gonna be hard. 

Larissa Mills [43:03 - 43:06]: It doesn't get easier as a parent. It gets harder as a parent. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:06 - 43:38]: I think the other thing you said, too, and it's just a huge action item because I don't think a lot of people are aware of this because, look, we all know the kids at a certain age. All my friends have a phone. Why don't I have a phone? I want a phone. You're bringing up a good point. There are plenty of resources as a parent to get your kid a device that you can control and you have to do it. Because, again, look, you said it earlier, every kid's got it. Every kid wants it. Why can't I have one? If every kid was doing cocaine, would you give your kid cocaine right now? 

Larissa Mills [43:40 - 43:47]: I asked myself. I'm asked that daily. Like, literally, I mess that question daily. Probably on a podcast or an interview. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:47 - 43:54]: Yeah. And look, parents will say it's not cocaine, though. Well, we're kind of saying it is. Right. 

Christie Casciano [43:55 - 44:01]: And I do want to jump in here, because we touched a little bit on it about the notion of privacy. 

Larissa Mills [44:01 - 44:02]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [44:03 - 44:07]: We gave our daughter, at age 16, full blown iPhone. 

Larissa Mills [44:07 - 44:08]: She. 

Christie Casciano [44:08 - 44:12]: She didn't. I have to be honest with you, she didn't have any issues. 

Larissa Mills [44:13 - 44:16]: That's a very responsible age, too. 

Christie Casciano [44:16 - 44:18]: Yeah, she's very responsible. 

Larissa Mills [44:18 - 44:19]: Yes. 

Christie Casciano [44:19 - 44:31]: But there was one time, and we made it clear to her that we may be doing some spot checking. There was one time I said, okay, hand your phone over. And she was quite offended. 

Larissa Mills [44:31 - 44:32]: Oh, they do. 

Christie Casciano [44:33 - 44:51]: I wanna look at it. Don't you trust me? Of course I trust you. I trust you very much. Well, then why are you looking at it? Well, then you have nothing to worry about if there's nothing for me to see. So we're doing this back and forth. 

Larissa Mills [44:51 - 44:51]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [44:51 - 45:12]: And then I finally said, you know what? As long as I'm paying for it, I pay the bill, right? I have the right to check it. If you want to pick up the phone, tam. If you want to pay the bill, then you have all the right in the world to keep me out of your business. I said, but since I paid the bill and she handed it over, she goes, you're right, mom. I looked at it. 

Larissa Mills [45:12 - 45:20]: She was clicking on it. You don't you trust your daughter? Yes, but you don't know the other people that are all connected with her. 

Christie Casciano [45:20 - 45:21]: That's very true. 

Larissa Mills [45:22 - 45:23]: They are. And do you trust them? 

Mike Bonelli [45:23 - 45:24]: Right. 

Larissa Mills [45:24 - 45:31]: And that's your argument? I don't. I trust you, but I worry about everyone else that's on there. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:31 - 45:33]: Yeah. Like, if I say that to my. 

Larissa Mills [45:33 - 45:39]: Kids all the time, your kids are there, but these are just kids you can't see. So I'm going to double check the kids. I can't see. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:40 - 45:49]: Well, it's like driving real people. Yeah. It's like. It's like driving. I always tell my kids, like, you can do everything right, driving, and a drunk guy can end it. 

Larissa Mills [45:49 - 45:49]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:49 - 45:53]: You know what I mean? And so it's not fair. Like, that's. That's part of it, too. 

Mike Bonelli [45:53 - 46:10]: Well, that's what we all experience, right, with teenagers and especially driving. Like, yes, you're a good driver. But when you have other kids in the car, you're distracted. Driver, you have people in the car. Yeah, but I've been driving for 45 years, so, like, it's. I think it's the same thing with phones. 

Christie Casciano [46:10 - 46:11]: Very similar. 

Mike Bonelli [46:11 - 46:48]: You know, it's like, listen, I know I have, like, I don't take my. Like I'm giving lessons or if I'm working with a student or play. My phone's not out and on. But then unfortunately, I'm like, well, like, I'm doing social media posts and I'm filming the kid and I'm doing this. So in essence, I'm just saying. Well, I'm not really. I'm not really privately here with you. Like, I'm not here engaged with you, even though I think I am. And maybe even. Even the teenage player probably thinks I am. Right? Because they're. This is just part of their normal life. Like, they all. They all know. They look into a classroom and everybody has an iPhone on the desk. 

Larissa Mills [46:48 - 46:48]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [46:48 - 46:50]: And I can't even believe. 

Larissa Mills [46:50 - 46:58]: So are you going to connect with your teammates if you're all head downs? How are you going to connect on the ice? How are you going to connect on the football? Football players most? 

Lee MJ Elias [46:58 - 47:13]: And, Larissa, you're bringing up a good point, is we, as adults, we have to create some form of value for them to put these things down. Like, this is a two way dance, right? We could tell them it's cocaine. And they're going to go, cocaine? Cocaine's awesome. I love cocaine. That's. That's where they're at, right? 

Larissa Mills [47:13 - 47:14]: That's where they're at. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:15 - 47:28]: The other truth is this, too, is that I remember being told this when I was a kid. Like, when you're a parent, you will understand. And I remember that age being like, that doesn't matter to me because I'm not a parent. Guess what? I'm a parent. And I understand. 

Larissa Mills [47:28 - 47:29]: You really freaking care. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:29 - 47:46]: Yeah. And I think we all have to kind of. That's what's so hard about it, is you gotta trust yourself that, okay, you're doing Christy to your point, right? You're doing the right thing. One day, they will have kids and they will understand why you did what you did. 

Larissa Mills [47:46 - 47:47]: You didn't do that for her kids. 

Mike Bonelli [47:47 - 47:57]: Yeah, but I say that, too. I'm like, I know I don't trust you. Well, you should. I go? Yeah, but I was 17, too. I was 16, and I. And I wouldn't trust me. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:57 - 48:01]: Well, that's a joke. Mike. Mike, you know, you know how you know a teenage boy is lying? 

Mike Bonelli [48:02 - 48:03]: Teenage Boyd. 

Lee MJ Elias [48:03 - 48:08]: They speak. Yeah, that was a joke I heard one time, which is not fair to anything now. 

Mike Bonelli [48:08 - 48:20]: What's the. What are the extremes? I guess we all experience this. Like, the extremes are. What do you mean? My son is selling drugs every day on the corner. Like, I'm oblivious to that. 

Larissa Mills [48:20 - 48:34]: They're selling drugs on Snapchat. A kid down the street just got caught. He's selling drugs to the local school. He uses symbols on Snapchat. The other kid. This is a great story for all parents to understand. Do I have another minute there, Lee? 

Lee MJ Elias [48:34 - 48:35]: Sure. Oh, yes. 

Larissa Mills [48:36 - 49:02]: Okay, so here's a good. Here's a good one. There's a high school here. This happened about five years ago here in London. I'm in London, Ontario. A mom was driving by a vape shop. She saw her son get out of the van and go in the vape shop. She pulled over. She's like, what the frick is this? Pulls over. It's in the middle of school, and she's a nurse, and she was going to work. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:02 - 49:03]: Wow. 

Larissa Mills [49:03 - 50:47]: So she. She saw it. She's like, what is happening? She watched him come out with a box. Then he went back and got another box. Then she followed him to school. He's oblivious, not catching a thing. He goes to school. She watches all the kids come to the back of the trunk, and he's selling vapes to the kids, younger kids. Now for the next. She didn't quite know what to do, right? So this is. This is a mom of a mom from a soccer team that I was on, and I was like, so what she did was she. She let him figure out her day. She went to work. She had to think about what she was going to do. She wanted to be smart. So she just said, you know what? I really don't think you can have the car tomorrow. I'm going to take it in and I'm going to get all of them fixed. And we wanted to see, she wanted to see how he would roll. Then she called her friends, a police officer, and said, that's really illegal. They're under 18. If he gets caught, he could have jail time. So although she checks his phone, she asked for his phone, and in there, she can see on his Snapchat he's selling vapes. And he has a little icon for it. And she figured out his system. So she figured out she goes in as a fake person. The police officer suggests be a fake person and go and sell something to him and make sure that you're there when he sells it to you. So she shows up and he's like, oh, my God. And so he had. He'd been banking ten grand, like, in 80 years, he was making money. And she goes, you're done. You're grounded. There's no car. There's no, you know. And the police officer did a little chat with him. You know, I applaud his capitalism. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:47 - 50:50]: Like, entrepreneurial spirit. 

Larissa Mills [50:50 - 50:51]: Entrepreneurial spirit. 

Mike Bonelli [50:52 - 50:54]: But you're buying avenue. 

Larissa Mills [50:55 - 51:11]: But the phone had all the evidence, all of it, all the people, all that he had. He had specialties, he had favorites, everything. He had Google notes and notes. So everything was tracked on his own. And she goes, I didn't check it before. Now I wish I checked it more. 

Mike Bonelli [51:12 - 52:40]: I think. I think this is, you know, going back to the. To the community piece of this, right? Is that, like, I know when I first, when I was coaching in high school and Facebook and. And had just come out and all this other stuff, like you were saying, like, when you, like, back in the early 2000, when all this stuff, like. And I. And I would get, like, I was. I don't wanna say I was hated, but definitely it was disappointing for the players to know that I would call their parents when I was in the locker room hearing them talk about the party they were having Friday night because mom and dad were gonna be away, and I just felt it was my obligation. And to other parents, too. Like, hey, listen, are you on away this weekend? You know, we're in this together. Like, I think the piece of the community aspect of this and why you belong on a team, like, why you join a team is hopefully that other parents are looking out for your kid. Like, you should be looking out for theirs. And that's probably the strategy we could use on the phone. Use, like, if we can. If we can implement things that are happening at the rink when the kids come in, if all the parents, it's like anything with peer pressure, right? I mean, if all the parents say, oh, well, did you put your phone in the bag? Because you have to. And I'm not going to call you. Like, if I need to get a hold of you, Coach Benelli has my number. I'm going to text him to pull you out of the meeting. But I think that's where we have to strategize together and say, well, how do we change this culture of, I'm the only one? 

Larissa Mills [52:40 - 52:42]: Actually, when you're all doing it, it's easy. 

Mike Bonelli [52:42 - 52:43]: Sounds easy. 

Lee MJ Elias [52:43 - 52:45]: Yeah, it's. 

Mike Bonelli [52:45 - 53:01]: But I mean, it just. But I just assumed that it would help everyone, you know, and then it. And then I think at the end of the day, and you could talk about this a little bit, is it also alleviates, like, all of the legal stuff, like the kids having phones in the. In the locker room, the whole change. 

Larissa Mills [53:01 - 53:08]: Room aspect with the nude photos and the constant drop like that has got out of control. So, yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [53:08 - 53:11]: For those of you wondering, protecting ourselves, too. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:11 - 53:25]: You know, we did an episode about the new rules for the season, and there was a lot of interest about, well, why does someone have to be in the locker room with the kids all the time? Well, you're starting to hear why. Because these things are starting to happen. 

Larissa Mills [53:28 - 53:29]: Last year. Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [53:29 - 53:30]: Right, right. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:30 - 53:34]: Yeah. So look along those lines. Keeping this on action items. 

Larissa Mills [53:34 - 53:36]: Yeah, yeah. I have to get off by 1130. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:37 - 54:13]: No, no. You know, one of the things that I realized recently, well, not recently, a few years back, was that my newsfeed was very different from some of my friends. Right. Because you kind of live in your own little world when it comes to social media. And my newsfeed's very positive. I'm not going to lie to you. I follow a lot of inspirational pages. I follow a lot of inspirational people like you, Larissa. And so when I go on social media, it's a pretty positive place. It's not a lot of politics, it's not a lot of what was me type stuff. I went on one of my friends feeds once. He just. I couldn't believe. I mean, it was negative. 

Larissa Mills [54:13 - 54:17]: Really dark in your body, right, Lee? 

Lee MJ Elias [54:17 - 54:17]: Yeah. 

Larissa Mills [54:17 - 54:20]: Like, your body was like, okay, I'm not doing that. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:20 - 54:33]: Yeah, well, I mean, look, you can see how people are falling into these. There's no hope. There's no point right now. It's not just social media that's causing that. I gotta say that. All right, but. But your feed can set a tone, right? So. 

Larissa Mills [54:33 - 54:36]: So teacher athletes, how to set up, design their social media. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:37 - 54:57]: That's what I was going to lead into right now. That's my next question, is, how can athletes. I think this applies to adults, too, though. How can we create better feeds for ourself? What is the audit process? And I guess, apply it to, like, what. What can parents do to encourage their kids? Like, let's just say they do have social media. How do we audit a newsfeed and create a better newsfeed for. For performance? 

Larissa Mills [54:58 - 56:08]: Okay, first of all, this comes down to tech and science, too. Algorithms. So if you're going to go on and look at, like, a lot of guys are. And girls, it's different. So for boys, they go on and look at hockey equipment and CCM and Bauer and they look at videos, and that's great. Those are great things. I don't. That's. That's okay. But if you're going on to mindlessly TikTok watch, you're wasting your time in your brain. You're not going to feel good. So let's get rid of the things a. That don't make us feel good. And here I'm going to give you a choice. So I ask our athletes over the weekend, just sort of, like, be aware of what you're doing for the whole weekend. What do you. What do you think on Monday that you can get rid of? Do you know that 90% delete TikTok because the same reels are on Instagram reels? So I'm like, okay, what do you need? Do you want us to keep Snapchat? Do you want to keep this? We have to keep WhatsApp to communicate with our coaches or our teams. I get them to operate it like a business. Wake up. Check your email. Check your business first. That way, we keep the dopamine hit low, then go and, like, check out your friends stuff. Well, block the people you don't want to see. 

Lee MJ Elias [56:08 - 56:08]: Right. 

Larissa Mills [56:08 - 56:09]: That. 

Lee MJ Elias [56:09 - 56:15]: Well, that's. Can we stop that for a second? That. That's a. That's a big tip. You have the power to do that. 

Larissa Mills [56:15 - 56:16]: 2024 block. 

Lee MJ Elias [56:16 - 56:33]: Yeah, block. You can even snooze on some of these apps. Like, you don't even have to fully block them. Like, it's. But, Larissa, I like that point because it's like, you have a choice. If one of your friends or a page is giving you really stuff that doesn't make you feel good, remove them. That's a choice. 

Larissa Mills [56:33 - 56:46]: I love delete. Delete's a good thing. Athletes. And make it. If you find inspiring people, like, if you are. A lot of our athletes don't know who they are, Lee, because they've been told who they are from social media. 

Lee MJ Elias [56:46 - 56:47]: Right, right. Like. 

Larissa Mills [56:47 - 56:47]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [56:47 - 56:49]: And I have human highlight reel. Yeah. 

Larissa Mills [56:49 - 57:43]: Have no idea who they are. I even have professional athletes who don't even believe in themselves still. Right. Because they've come up on a digital generation. So we have to go. And as soon as you find out who we are and we teach our athletes who they are, who they like, what they like about themselves. This is interesting. This is the coolest part. The brain goes. That doesn't make. That doesn't align with my values, right? Ah, now we have a value system, a moral guidance compass. And they're like, I don't really want to see Botox. I really don't want to see this materialism. I want to see people who inspire me. Like, okay, I'm a female hockey player. I want Sarah nurse on my thing. You're darn right you do, right? You know? Or I want to see Ella Meltay. Or I want to see. Right. Hailey Schumacher. I want to see all these people. So follow them. They will inspire you. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:43 - 57:43]: Right. 

Larissa Mills [57:43 - 57:45]: Get rid of everyone else. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:45 - 57:46]: Yeah. 

Larissa Mills [57:46 - 57:50]: I feel like a night. Like your spidey senses are going or makes you feel like poop. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:51 - 57:56]: I went through an audit of my feet and I do it often. And I'm very. This is me. 

Larissa Mills [57:56 - 57:56]: Once a month. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:56 - 58:16]: Yeah. This is me. I am very keenly aware of if something does not make me feel good, right. And just to be fair, I do like review of, well, why doesn't this make me feel good? Is this me being insecure or is this. This just doesn't make me feel good 99% of the time. It's just. It's not making me feel good. 

Larissa Mills [58:16 - 58:16]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [58:16 - 58:50]: I remove it. I don't want to see it. I have a choice. Right? And the other thing, too, leaning on this, too. While my newsfeed is very inspiring and positive, it's also still not reality. And I remind myself of that, like, that. This is ultra positive. This makes me feel good, but it's not real because there is struggle and strife in the real world. There are people that are really having a hard time. Right? And it just kind of reminds me of, like, this is not existence. This is not my identity. Right. 

Larissa Mills [58:50 - 58:52]: If anything, the virtual world is not real. 

Lee MJ Elias [58:52 - 58:58]: It's not real. And then we haven't even talked about escapism. Right? Oh, gosh, you have a hard day. 

Larissa Mills [58:58 - 59:15]: Maybe we have to do a part two of this because we haven't even touched on, like, extortion, safety, how to protect athletes. Like, I got kids scout, being scouted and they don't even know how to, like, we can go all into our phones, can actually help them with that. It's pretty interesting, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [59:15 - 1:00:12]: Well, I do think that part two is going to be in order here. You know, I want to ask this question, too. Again, parents listening, because I think the tough part is, like, we are talking about taking something away that we know our kids love. I mean, there's no really other way of saying that. At least they think they love it. I think there's also another half to this which is replacing it with family dinners and family time, like, in my house. And I grew up with this, too, like, so this is. This is a. This was handed to me, I guess. Dinner is a very important time in my house now. I am still lucky enough my kids are young enough that we can still do it. Right. Like, Mike's in a situation. Kids might be going to practice. It gets harder as the kids get older. But that family time. There are no phones most of the time, I should say. Right. And it's time to eat dinner. You're not leaving the table. We're going to be together. 

Larissa Mills [1:00:12 - 1:00:45]: Time to joke. It's time to fool around. And then we even. So here's something interesting. I have an interesting program where we ask the parents to connect with their kids for an hour a night, put their phones down, and go back and watch documentaries or tv series with the kids all unplugged. To help your child get unplugged, they need to see you unplugged. And you know what? Athletes. The number one determining factor in an athlete's life. First is a parent support. Second is phone use. That's crazy. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:00:45 - 1:00:46]: That is crazy. 

Larissa Mills [1:00:46 - 1:00:56]: And parents aren't spending that time with their kids anymore. So here's something interesting. In one week, I've had parents say I've learned a lot about my kid. He's really grown up because I get to connect with him again. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:00:56 - 1:00:57]: Yeah. 

Larissa Mills [1:00:57 - 1:01:06]: And now, all of a sudden, firing shots in the net. He's getting his genos and his apples, so he's all right. So everything comes back to connection. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:01:07 - 1:02:34]: Well, I've seen this, too, Larissa, like, and, Mike, I don't know if you've experienced this, but I've noticed that when we go on, like, a family trip or a family vacation, and we come back and look, sometimes vacation is not stress free. Sometimes it could be like, oh, man, that was a lot. But the after effects are always generally positive. There's a closeness. You feel each other. I'm equating this, too. You can equate this. You can. I'm sorry. You can put this on your teams, too. You can do this with team building. We just did a great episode on that not too long ago. But the togetherness creates more of a bond. Right? And I think that one of the things, again, tactic. My wife and I were talking because, you know, my kids are on multiple teams this year. Sometimes we have to divide and conquer. Sometimes we can go together. But we started looking at the weekends as, like, little vacation trips. So yesterday actually exploratory yeah. Yeah. Well, we had three different on ice events yesterday at three different rinks, starting at leaving kind of, you know, 730 in the morning when we didn't get back till eight at night. But we approached it as, hey, we're doing this as a family today. And we all went and we supported each other on the ice, and it was a good day. It was a lot, but it was a good day. But it was the mental approach, Larissa, that we took of, like, hey, look, this is a family day. We're doing this as a family. It's not. Here's your phone. We're going to drive an hour this way. Here's your tablet. We made it that way. So, again, I'm just trying to share tactics. 

Larissa Mills [1:02:34 - 1:02:45]: I'm not saying we make it games in the car. And there's also things we've asked the parents to do, like, okay, if you're traveling, play the license game. Talk in the cardinal. Don't talk about hockey. Go. Going back to. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:02:45 - 1:02:48]: Definitely don't talk about hockey. Tell people that. 

Larissa Mills [1:02:49 - 1:02:57]: Or watching a movie, like, download stuff. Right. But don't just sit there in silence, because silence doesn't help anyone. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:02:57 - 1:03:03]: No, no. And again, you're not teaching them to communicate. Last one for me, Mike. I'll throw it to you if you've got anything. 

Larissa Mills [1:03:03 - 1:03:05]: Yeah, I got, like, a minute. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:03:05 - 1:03:17]: All right, well, I'll just say this, that it's hard. It's a hard conversation. You're going to get pushback. What's your advice to the parents? That this is going to be hard. Right? Like, what's your advice to them? And why is this so worth it? 

Larissa Mills [1:03:19 - 1:03:21]: Did you dress that to Mike or me? 

Lee MJ Elias [1:03:21 - 1:03:22]: Oh, you. Sorry. My bad. 

Mike Bonelli [1:03:23 - 1:03:25]: I've already failed, so I can't help. 

Larissa Mills [1:03:25 - 1:04:22]: No, no, no. And you know what? We haven't failed. We just got a little caught up. It's like buying new toys, and everyone got this new toy, and now we're like, well, this does the most damage of any toy I've ever bought. So what is the buy in? Well, behavior should be a motivation. Your value systems, and wanting to help your kids be productive adults, bones, will not in any way, shape or form help your children become a really good, successful, productive adult athlete or not. So if you're looking at having, you know, really close relationships with your kids, the parents who are off their phones the most will have those closer relationships. And those kids I see thriving, like. Like killing their sports because they get to connect and talk with their parent. Because we need a dialogue. We don't want a monologue. And now kids today are just getting monologues from everybody, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [1:04:22 - 1:04:24]: Yelling me. 

Larissa Mills [1:04:24 - 1:05:03]: They don't get the dialogue. So I always ask my athletes when we have sessions with different teams, you know, how is it. How is it at home? And they're like, my parents did. They just hate me. I'm never good enough, and I have to talk them off that parent ledge, and we give them good parenting advice. You know, if a parent's really hard on you, then you can say, you know what? Every time you tell me I'm not good enough or I didn't get enough goals, or, I didn't do this, you put my brain in yellow. So do you know what that does? Mom, dad? It puts me here. It puts me in a place of nervousness, and I can't perform. So you're making it worse. And then say, larissa said, I told you to tell you. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:05:05 - 1:05:11]: Look, I think that's a great thing. It's also a good reminder not every kid feels safe at their home. We all take that for granted. 

Larissa Mills [1:05:11 - 1:05:14]: It is shockingly higher than I've ever seen. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:05:15 - 1:05:22]: That's scary. And that's a terrific note to end this on and lead it to a part two. Larissa. 

Larissa Mills [1:05:22 - 1:05:23]: Yeah. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:05:23 - 1:05:29]: Listen, I think we'd be remiss if we didn't ask you, where can the audience find you? Where can they find your stuff? 

Larissa Mills [1:05:29 - 1:06:09]: Oh, I'm in sweet old London, Ontario. But we are global. We go everywhere. We're thementalgameacademy. Ca. We're on Instagram. The mental game academy. I'm on LinkedIn. We also do corporate work. We do coaching work. We do help coaches. Right? We do different partnerships. But I'm here to help the kids stay in sport, but stay equipped to do so. Right. Like, the number of kids quitting is now 33% a year less. So we have a problem in our sporty system that's a global number. So in order to keep them in and keep them happy and motivated, I want them to be mentally tough and learn resilience. And the only way to do that is to teach them their mental skills again. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:06:09 - 1:07:31]: Absolutely. Well, listen, you're a resource for me, and I've learned so much from you, and I was really happy to come this episode, we will do a part two of this. I know you have to go, but I'll close it out there. For all you listening, there's no way you didn't learn something. On this episode of our kids play Hockey, remember? You can text us a question, a comment a thought there's a link accompanying this episode. Wherever you're listening, just tap that. It'll go right to one of our phones, which we're trying to stay off of. Or you can get on your desktop and you can email us team, at our kids playhockey.com. but for Larissa Mills, Mike Benelli, Christy cash in the burns, I'm Leah Elias. We'll see on the next episode of our kids play Hockey. Have a great day, everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of our kids play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, ourkidsplayhawky.com. also, make sure to check out our children's book when hockey stops@whenhockeystops.com. it's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our kids play hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode. That's a.