Aug. 17, 2024

How To Deal With Pressure From Coaches, Parents, And Scouts In Youth Hockey

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

In this episode of Our Kids Play Hockey, Lee Elias and Mike Bonelli tackle the intense pressures young athletes face. Inspired by a letter from a concerned parent, they explore how pressures from coaches, parents, and scouts impact youth hockey players.

Lee and Mike begin by discussing what pressure means for kids and adults in the sport. They share real-world examples that highlight the emotional toll these pressures can have on young players. The discussion focuses on recognizing when pressure becomes harmful and how to manage it.

Key takeaways include the importance of building trust and understanding each player’s unique motivations. Effective communication is essential for alleviating pressure and fostering a supportive environment. Lee and Mike offer actionable advice for coaches and parents, emphasizing the importance of choosing organizations and coaches who prioritize player development.

The episode also explores the roles of those involved in player development, stressing that coaches shape young minds, and parents must balance pushing their kids while understanding their limits. Misconceptions about scouts are challenged, revealing that character and consistent effort often outweigh raw talent.

This episode underscores the invaluable life lessons learned in youth hockey—lessons that prepare players for challenges beyond the rink. Whether you’re a coach, parent, or scout, you’ll find practical tips to help create a positive environment for young athletes.

Key Takeaways:

  1. Understanding Pressure: Recognize when pressure becomes harmful to support both development and enjoyment of the game.
  2. Building Trust: Establish trust with players from day one. Coaches should understand each player’s motivations to foster a supportive environment.
  3. Parental Guidance: Frame challenges as growth opportunities rather than sources of stress.
  4. Scouting Realities: Scouts value character and work ethic as much as on-ice performance.
  5. Lifelong Lessons: Youth hockey’s ultimate goal is to develop well-rounded individuals who handle life’s pressures with resilience.

Join the conversation! Share your thoughts or stories by emailing us at team@ourkidsplayhockey.com or connecting with us on our Facebook group, Our Kids Play Hockey. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with others who might benefit.

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00:50 - Dealing With Pressure in Youth Hockey

09:34 - Youth Hockey Trust and Motivation

14:35 - Balancing Coaching and Player Development

26:21 - Parenting and Coaching

33:27 - Navigating Parental Pressure in Youth Hockey

42:37 - Navigating Parental Pressure in Youth Sports

51:17 - Parenting, Coaching, and Player Development

58:52 - Scouting and Player Development Conversation

01:07:49 - Scouting and Performance Expectations

01:11:32 - Player Development and Scouting Success

01:15:32 - Navigating Pressure in Youth Hockey

WEBVTT

00:00:06.631 --> 00:00:09.997
Hey everybody, thanks for joining us on this edition.

00:00:09.997 --> 00:00:12.082
A quick summation of the episode you're about to listen to.

00:00:12.082 --> 00:00:17.865
Mike and I have just a tremendous conversation here about how to deal with the pressure from coaches, parents and scouts.

00:00:17.865 --> 00:00:29.344
It's based off of a letter we got from a parent and, I'm not gonna lie to you, this was one of my favorite discussions that I've had on our kids play hockey A real deep dive into kind of hey, what is pressure to begin with, right, what does it mean to a kid?

00:00:29.344 --> 00:00:32.847
What does it mean to a coach, a parent, a scout, from both directions.

00:00:32.847 --> 00:00:46.137
And I think we give some real actionable items to take or really just to ponder on, to kind of resonate with, to think about how to deal with this really important topic within youth hockey.

00:00:46.137 --> 00:00:48.186
So that's what you're going to hear about today.

00:00:48.186 --> 00:00:59.529
Obviously, we'll always thank you for taking part in these episodes and remember I say it throughout the episode today email us with questions or anything throughout this episode If you have thoughts at team, at our kids play hockeycom.

00:01:00.180 --> 00:01:03.810
But without further ado, let's start this really awesome music and dive into the episode.

00:01:03.810 --> 00:01:11.893
Hello hockey friends and families around the world and welcome back to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

00:01:11.893 --> 00:01:16.525
Mike, I'm not going to lie to you, I love saying that every single week and, as you guessed, I'm here with Mike Benelli.

00:01:16.525 --> 00:01:17.188
I'm Lee Elias.

00:01:17.188 --> 00:01:19.643
We got a really interesting topic today.

00:01:19.683 --> 00:01:23.046
This is going to come from a letter from one of our listeners.

00:01:23.427 --> 00:01:35.331
I can tell you right now the topic of the show is how to deal with pressure from coaches, parents and scouts, and we titled it that because this letter was so well-written, so to the point, that we had to address it.

00:01:35.331 --> 00:01:46.412
And I know this is a topic of conversation for all of you out there, whether you're a parent, coach, scout or a kid that the information from this episode is going to be very applicable.

00:01:46.412 --> 00:02:18.532
So I'm going to read the letter, I'm going to explain kind of quickly how Mike and I are going to dive into this, because this is one of those topics that could be multiple episodes, but we're going to try our best to compact it into within an hour here, and if we need to do more, we'll do more.

00:02:18.532 --> 00:02:19.753
But here comes the letter, here we go.

00:02:19.753 --> 00:02:21.455
I feel so bad for these kids.

00:02:21.455 --> 00:02:26.518
They just want to play the sports they love, but they need to deal with massive amounts of stress and pressure.

00:02:26.518 --> 00:02:32.312
That is maybe the most our kids play a hockey letter we've ever gotten, mike.

00:02:33.824 --> 00:02:35.060
Yeah, and it's not one letter.

00:02:35.060 --> 00:02:45.570
I mean in a whole bunch of different forms, whether it's conversation, text messages, a letter, facebook posts, instagram, dm.

00:02:45.570 --> 00:03:04.932
We get that reiteration of that question a lot and at every age group, which is alarming and it's also good, I guess, that people are aware of it and noticing it, and it would be interesting down the road to hear how different parents approach this with their kids.

00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:41.090
Yeah, I think you make a really good point too, in the sense that this manifests itself differently for every kid and every family, because everybody deals with the emotional side of the game a little bit differently, right, I do want to start off just broadly saying this, that and this is my opinion, obviously I got to say that that the emotion, the, the, the uh, stress a lot of that stuff is an opportunity for your kid and you to uh grow, right, it's, it's an opportunity to learn some of the pressures that life provides.

00:03:41.090 --> 00:03:55.150
With that set I kind of in my you know, this is me right I have a line that can be crossed right when it's not an opportunity and it becomes a hindrance to the kid, to the family, to the coach, right.

00:03:55.150 --> 00:04:05.981
That line is usually drawn when it's becoming personal, when it's not striving the kid to be the best version of themselves From a parent standpoint, when it becomes more about the parent than the kid.

00:04:05.981 --> 00:04:14.509
I feel like I have a pretty strong compass on that and again, like I said at the beginning, it's different for every family, right.

00:04:14.550 --> 00:04:18.704
What I think is okay, it's very possible another family might not think that.

00:04:18.704 --> 00:04:21.440
So you got to remember that while Mike and I are sharing our advice today.

00:04:21.440 --> 00:04:22.764
These are our opinions.

00:04:22.764 --> 00:04:23.586
Right?

00:04:23.586 --> 00:04:26.213
You can have your own opinions and please feel free to share those opinions.

00:04:26.213 --> 00:04:28.786
Email us team at our kids play hockeycom.

00:04:28.786 --> 00:04:42.630
This podcast is a discussion and, while I do appreciate people consider us experts and I would consider us experts to Mike we are just two hockey parents out there navigating the waters of a chaos and trying to make it peaceful.

00:04:44.221 --> 00:04:51.692
Yeah, and coaching these kids Like we're, we're in, we're in it, we're as parents and and and scouts and and and coaches and fans.

00:04:51.692 --> 00:05:03.786
You know you're, just you're, you're in the whole mix of the whole thing, especially at the youth hockey level, because you know, a lot of times you play all these different roles, you know, with other people's kids, right, and kids.

00:05:05.329 --> 00:05:06.192
Right, and I'll say this.

00:05:06.192 --> 00:05:15.928
I'll say this too, mike, that as a coach and again I can only speak for myself, and I mean I'd bucket you in with this parents, you don't realize how much we care about your kids.

00:05:15.928 --> 00:05:18.680
You care about your kid more than anybody else.

00:05:18.680 --> 00:05:22.906
But I can tell you, as a coach, I deeply care for the kids.

00:05:22.906 --> 00:05:30.946
I coach as people, as hockey players, like they matter to me right Again, I can say that about me.

00:05:30.946 --> 00:05:32.509
I can definitely say that for Mike.

00:05:32.509 --> 00:05:34.461
I can't say that for every coach that's ever coached.

00:05:34.482 --> 00:05:36.408
So, look, this is how the show is going to work.

00:05:36.408 --> 00:05:39.744
The letter asked about coaches, parents and scouts.

00:05:39.744 --> 00:05:41.788
We're going to dive into each one of those.

00:05:41.788 --> 00:06:04.074
We're going to try and give perspective from both the player and the coaches perspective, or parent or scout, to kind of give a full 360 of what these people may be thinking, to hopefully arm you out there listening with some tactics or some information, some knowledge here about how to approach them, with probably the big one, which is coaches, because that's how the letter was talked about.

00:06:04.774 --> 00:06:19.668
And I want to start here, mike, because this really is a two-way street, right, and I think that one of the most important things for kids coming into an environment with coaches, no matter the level, is to really know how you're motivated.

00:06:19.668 --> 00:06:25.100
Okay, and what I mean by that is this Everyone's motivated slightly differently.

00:06:25.100 --> 00:06:30.024
Some players are motivated by kind of being ribbed a little bit and a coach getting on them.

00:06:30.024 --> 00:06:31.987
Some players are motivated not by.

00:06:31.987 --> 00:06:54.745
It's important you know, as the player, what motivates you so you can effectively and effectively is a key word here communicate that to the coach, right?

00:06:54.745 --> 00:07:00.144
If a coach does not know how you are motivated, it's going to be very hard for them to motivate you.

00:07:00.144 --> 00:07:07.725
Now, adversely, coaches and I this is one of the first questions I ask when I work with teams, especially in a team building situation.

00:07:07.725 --> 00:07:11.942
I ask do you know how each individual player on your team is motivated?

00:07:11.942 --> 00:07:20.466
And, mike, 95% of the time the answer is no, and I retort with then how the hell are you motivating them?

00:07:20.466 --> 00:07:27.221
If you don't know how your players are motivated, I don't see how you can do an effective job.

00:07:27.221 --> 00:07:36.971
And this is my last thought of this, mike, I'm going to throw it to you Do not ever assume this is a pitfall that I see a lot of coaches fall into parents too, for that matter.

00:07:37.853 --> 00:07:43.713
Do not ever assume the way you are motivated is the way everyone is motivated.

00:07:43.713 --> 00:07:59.202
You have got to step outside of your mind a little bit and become conscious that if you're 55 years old and you think that getting yelled at or ribbed by your coaches every day while you were growing up is the right way, don't do that.

00:07:59.202 --> 00:08:02.552
That might have been the right way for you God bless you if it was.

00:08:02.552 --> 00:08:06.547
It doesn't mean it's the right way for everybody and you can't convey that.

00:08:06.547 --> 00:08:10.701
A great coach will adapt and understand how their players are motivated.

00:08:11.262 --> 00:08:15.732
It does not mean you have to go quote, unquote soft on a player.

00:08:15.732 --> 00:08:17.122
That's not what I'm saying.

00:08:17.122 --> 00:08:19.410
I'm saying you need to know how they're motivated.

00:08:19.410 --> 00:08:25.771
If little Johnny is is motivated by not being screamed at, I don't think you help yourself by screaming at little Johnny is motivated by not being screamed at.

00:08:25.771 --> 00:08:31.149
I don't think you help yourself by screaming at little Johnny, all right, or whatever name you want to put in there.

00:08:31.149 --> 00:08:32.591
All right, you got to know.

00:08:32.591 --> 00:08:34.269
It doesn't mean Johnny doesn't need to be pushed.

00:08:34.269 --> 00:08:37.081
It doesn't mean Johnny doesn't need a stern talking to.

00:08:37.081 --> 00:08:42.183
It doesn't mean Johnny doesn't need to know when he's made mistakes, but you got to know how to motivate them so they'll learn.

00:08:43.167 --> 00:08:48.537
Mike, I'm saucing the puck to you but you got to know how to motivate them so they'll learn.

00:08:48.537 --> 00:08:49.259
Mike, I'm saucing the puck to you.

00:08:49.259 --> 00:08:58.269
Yeah, no, it's a lot to unpack, right, because there's so much in there that you know from a coaching perspective, like if you're not, and this is you know, it goes right back to this the nature and the mechanics of youth hockey.

00:08:58.269 --> 00:09:12.422
You know if you're working with a team and every five months you blow the team up and trade coaches and trade players and trade organizations, you know how can you know what motivates a kid like, like it's so hard to find out.

00:09:12.422 --> 00:09:20.489
You know what, how a kid ticks sometimes, when you, when, by the time, you finally get to know like I like and I go back to this a lot on these episodes is that I?

00:09:20.489 --> 00:09:23.703
That's why I loved coaching in college and in prep school and high school.

00:09:23.703 --> 00:09:26.910
Yeah, it's because you had the kids for such a long time, multiple years.

00:09:26.990 --> 00:09:28.033
Oh, you got, you got to.

00:09:28.033 --> 00:09:45.038
You've got to be like, wow, I could really tweak this kid, like I could really make this work, or I could, wow, I could really bury this kid If I keep going this direction, like it's just there's a lot of ways you could go about it and I think like and I think hockey directors and youth hockey organizations, you know they could probably benefit by helping their coaches.

00:09:45.038 --> 00:09:46.423
You know, understand that.

00:09:46.423 --> 00:09:50.322
Hey, I know, you know you haven't seen this kid through eight you and 10 you, but now you're coaching them.

00:09:50.322 --> 00:09:53.488
But this is like this, this I've, this is what I've seen.

00:09:53.488 --> 00:10:04.995
So if you're a coach, you know, and you haven't had the opportunity to do your team building exercises or do a survey or have an interview with the kid or sit down with the mom and dad, and these are all time consuming things that you talk to.

00:10:04.995 --> 00:10:08.325
They're really, really hard to do and really important.

00:10:08.765 --> 00:10:13.812
But they're really important, but most people will say the excuse will be I don't have the time for that.

00:10:14.461 --> 00:10:20.620
Mike, I'm going to tell you and I am going to step in here, I don't accept that excuse with the teams that I work with and the coaches that I work with, and I'll tell you why.

00:10:20.620 --> 00:10:23.346
It goes back to the nature of the nature of the title of this episode.

00:10:23.346 --> 00:10:25.669
We're talking about alleviating pressure.

00:10:25.669 --> 00:10:39.405
The easiest way I mean by miles, and I do consider myself an expert on this the easiest way to alleviate this pressure by light years is day one, establishing trust with those kids.

00:10:39.405 --> 00:10:45.609
And then also, probably day one or week one, asking the question what motivates you?

00:10:45.609 --> 00:10:46.591
How are you motivated?

00:10:46.591 --> 00:10:48.524
Kid might say I don't know.

00:10:48.524 --> 00:10:57.673
That's okay, because you've established some trust here, you've established some level of congruence here of hey, listen, we're going to work through this together.

00:10:57.673 --> 00:11:03.673
If you don't do that, you are really making more problems than you do.

00:11:03.673 --> 00:11:07.403
So, mike, to you again I'm saying this Coaches, you have the time.

00:11:07.403 --> 00:11:14.565
Make the time, because you're going to waste time, a lot more of it, if you don't do this and I wrote it down Trust, have a meeting.

00:11:14.565 --> 00:11:16.070
How are you motivated?

00:11:16.070 --> 00:11:19.630
You can do this as young as eight years old If you want.

00:11:19.630 --> 00:11:21.884
You don't have to do it at eight you, but you can.

00:11:21.884 --> 00:11:25.331
If you're not doing this at 18U, I don't know what you're doing.

00:11:25.331 --> 00:11:34.567
The other thing I wrote down here for the kids and I just mentioned this, mike that they may not know how they're motivated.

00:11:34.587 --> 00:11:43.966
Parents and coaches great question to ask your kid hey, what feels right, what feels good when you're coaching, right?

00:11:43.966 --> 00:11:45.006
You'll be surprised.

00:11:45.006 --> 00:11:48.551
There will be kids that say, well, I like it when you get on me a little bit.

00:11:48.551 --> 00:11:53.636
Kids will say that, okay, I like it when you do that, and there's a whole nother conversation that comes with that.

00:11:53.636 --> 00:12:01.879
Don't get me wrong, but figure it out and your motivations may change over time.

00:12:01.879 --> 00:12:09.823
Okay, cause I'll tell you right now when you're, when you're 10 years old getting pushed and 18 years old getting pushed.

00:12:09.823 --> 00:12:10.804
Those are very different types of being pushed.

00:12:10.804 --> 00:12:14.570
I'm just saying, mike and again I apologize if I cut you off there I'm just saying you have the time.

00:12:14.570 --> 00:12:17.214
You better make the time to figure this out.

00:12:17.214 --> 00:12:23.368
You want to alleviate pressure, build trust, build it immediately and then maintain it.

00:12:23.368 --> 00:12:25.030
You want to create pressure.

00:12:25.030 --> 00:12:28.144
Break that trust, you'll create more pressure.

00:12:28.144 --> 00:12:30.288
You can live the most pressure.

00:12:30.288 --> 00:12:32.826
You'll have the most pressure, the best pressure, if you want to do that.

00:12:34.390 --> 00:12:44.288
Right, and it's the reason why, you know, we get these kind of notes right Because of the fact that you know we don't follow those principles and coaches don't, you know, establish those norms that they should have.

00:12:44.288 --> 00:12:52.828
Like we're like, instead of, you know, hosting the first tournament, maybe like host the first team meeting, and say, listen, this is, this is.

00:12:52.828 --> 00:12:57.868
This is a really important piece of what we do and the core values of our team are going to formulate from this.

00:12:57.868 --> 00:13:16.605
But I need to know my team, I need to know you, and so if, if you feel like, oh, this is a missable event, or you're a parent that doesn't subscribe to the fact that this is a very important piece of your own child's development, forget about the team's development, your own child's development, you know, then it goes back to, you know, the old buyer beware and be careful where you go.

00:13:16.687 --> 00:13:19.402
And you chose the coach and you chose your organization right.

00:13:19.402 --> 00:13:24.912
Do your research, you find out this coach never talks to people, that he doesn't do team meetings.

00:13:24.912 --> 00:13:25.972
Then just don't go there.

00:13:25.972 --> 00:13:30.210
I mean, just find a way to get out of a place like that.

00:13:30.210 --> 00:13:43.416
And now, if you're a coach who hasn't done these things and you wonder why, in December, people are looking for other organizations and having all this internal strife, then maybe just this year is a good year to implement these things.

00:13:43.416 --> 00:13:44.683
And how can it hurt?

00:13:45.447 --> 00:13:46.692
I mean, it's not hard, and how can it hurt?

00:13:46.692 --> 00:13:50.121
I mean, it's not hard.

00:13:50.121 --> 00:13:50.865
Bottom line is it can only help you.

00:13:50.865 --> 00:13:51.467
It's not as hard as you think.

00:13:51.467 --> 00:13:52.030
I'll also say this too, mike.

00:13:52.030 --> 00:13:53.740
You know a good, a good gauge we went negative there, which is okay.

00:13:53.740 --> 00:13:57.811
A good gauge, if you're doing this right, is other organizations will want you to coach there.

00:13:57.811 --> 00:13:59.865
Right, and I've had that happen.

00:13:59.865 --> 00:14:02.111
Like, hey, why don't you come coach at this organization?

00:14:02.111 --> 00:14:03.092
Hey, why don't you come coach at this organization?

00:14:03.092 --> 00:14:04.813
Because my, this organization is a lot closer to my house.

00:14:04.813 --> 00:14:05.934
That's why I'm doing this one.

00:14:06.216 --> 00:14:08.076
But like that's also a good sign, people will want you.

00:14:08.076 --> 00:14:10.187
They see the positive piece of it, you know, and that's that's huge.

00:14:10.659 --> 00:14:20.405
Well, and I think too that that another, another gauge, mike and I know this has happened to you is and it's happened to me too right Kids will leave your organization for whatever reason.

00:14:20.405 --> 00:14:24.471
Right, there's lots of different reasons, or they'll just graduate or whatever, but they still contact you.

00:14:24.471 --> 00:14:46.610
I have college kids that I've coached, that have kids of their own now it's still contact me and it's it probably is the greatest compliment I think you can get as a coach when someone you coach when they were 20 or 18 or even younger, calls you at 30 something and it's like hey, coach, like you can call me Lee, yeah, so, coach, listen, that's got how those conversations go.

00:14:46.610 --> 00:14:51.741
But yeah, look, I'll say this too before.

00:14:51.741 --> 00:14:56.423
We were not jumping into the parents just yet, but a lot of the thoughts that we're talking about with coaches and parents are interchangeable.

00:14:56.423 --> 00:15:01.847
All right Cause, parents, I got to tell you you are your kids top coach there's.

00:15:01.847 --> 00:15:03.010
We can't touch you with that.

00:15:03.010 --> 00:15:04.667
You spend more time with them, you've done more with them.

00:15:04.667 --> 00:15:11.136
At the end of the day, from a coaching standpoint I'm using the word a little bit, uh, as a stretcher you're their best coach, you're their number one coach.

00:15:11.136 --> 00:15:12.481
So just remember, this applies to you.

00:15:13.043 --> 00:15:15.691
Um, another note I wrote down here um, mike, from the from.

00:15:15.691 --> 00:15:17.761
This is for the player perspective.

00:15:17.761 --> 00:15:21.388
Um, players, you got to remember this from a pressure standpoint.

00:15:21.388 --> 00:15:22.710
You inadvert this from a pressure standpoint.

00:15:22.710 --> 00:15:32.184
You inadvertently and I was guilty of this when I played heavily you just think the coach is thinking about you, right?

00:15:32.184 --> 00:15:33.409
The coach is thinking about the summation of the team, right?

00:15:33.409 --> 00:15:33.971
It's a really hard job.

00:15:33.971 --> 00:15:35.096
You've got to balance that.

00:15:35.096 --> 00:15:39.880
Sometimes some kids need more attention than others, but when you're the player, you're the kid.

00:15:40.361 --> 00:15:43.831
You're constantly typically wondering why is coach not paying attention to me?

00:15:43.831 --> 00:15:51.325
And what I would say from a pressure standpoint do an audit of that thought.

00:15:51.325 --> 00:15:52.248
Are they really not paying attention to you?

00:15:52.248 --> 00:15:57.508
So I've always said this when a when a coach is not talking to you, not even acknowledging you, you're in trouble.

00:15:57.508 --> 00:15:59.091
That's when you need to be worried.

00:15:59.091 --> 00:16:06.847
So if, again, if a coach is on you all the time and a coach is pushing you all the time, it's not necessarily the worst thing that can happen.

00:16:06.847 --> 00:16:09.171
That means that they obviously care, they want something out of you.

00:16:09.171 --> 00:16:10.152
All right, there's something there.

00:16:10.152 --> 00:16:13.615
When there's no communication, that's that's when you have to start to worry.

00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:22.682
With that said, do an audit of it.

00:16:22.682 --> 00:16:24.852
Is coach not focused on you or is coach doing their job with the entire team and focused on the entire team?

00:16:24.852 --> 00:16:29.705
Ok, look, I would love it if someone watched every shift I ever played and analyzed me down to a tee so I could learn that's the type of person I was.

00:16:29.705 --> 00:16:38.421
But there's five people on the ice, then another one with the goalie Coach is watching all that, more likely thinking about what do I have to put on the ice next, because we can't go on the ice with you, right?

00:16:38.421 --> 00:16:45.445
So you got to remember that, kids, a coach is doing a lot during the season, during a game, during a practice.

00:16:45.946 --> 00:16:49.187
It is not possible for us to only focus on one player.

00:16:49.187 --> 00:16:54.370
Believe me, if we could, we would, because it would make our jobs very easy, right?

00:16:54.370 --> 00:16:56.611
But, mike, look, you're obviously the consummate coach.

00:16:56.611 --> 00:17:05.218
I mean your thoughts on this because, look, coaching is hard and balancing and we look, we know what you want, the intention, we know, all right, but it's just not possible for one person to do that.

00:17:10.180 --> 00:17:11.144
Yeah, I think some players have to understand too.

00:17:11.144 --> 00:17:11.768
Maybe you're, maybe you're not.

00:17:11.768 --> 00:17:12.490
You're not getting ignored so much.

00:17:12.490 --> 00:17:13.455
But think about it like being in the classroom.

00:17:13.455 --> 00:17:28.733
Right, you're in a classroom of 18 kids and there's a whole dichotomy of different people in that classroom, for the teacher and coaches is the same way, and sometimes what we do is we go down, you know an inexperienced coach or coach that maybe doesn't have a good handle on.

00:17:28.733 --> 00:17:34.240
You know how the team's formulated will always go to the lowest common denominator.

00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:36.984
And then now you're dealing with the joker in the room.

00:17:36.984 --> 00:17:38.307
You're dealing with the troublemaker.

00:17:38.307 --> 00:17:39.829
You're dealing with the kid that's disrupting.

00:17:39.829 --> 00:17:40.531
That's a great point.

00:17:40.531 --> 00:17:49.068
You're dealing with the kid that's falling behind and the other kids aren't getting attention because they're doing fine, yeah, like they're doing okay.

00:17:49.068 --> 00:17:50.752
Are you excelling those kids?

00:17:50.752 --> 00:17:52.604
Maybe not, and you know and that's.

00:17:52.964 --> 00:18:02.903
But that's the nature of the beast as a coach, and you and good coaches find a way to motivate that, that one kid, that that doesn't seem to be able to be motivated, and listen.

00:18:02.942 --> 00:18:30.490
Sometimes you can't, sometimes you know we'll get to this with the parent piece, but sometimes your ability to want to motivate and find the ways to tweak the kid if they're not aligned with the messaging they're getting outside of you, then sometimes those worlds they collide and they don't work well, because somebody's going to win that battle of how you want to motivate your kid, whether through fear or favor or whatever it is.

00:18:30.490 --> 00:18:32.105
You know there's going to be a reason why that happens.

00:18:32.105 --> 00:18:49.173
But when, when, as, as in this perspective of a player don't always look at it as oh coach never talks to me Well, the coach probably thinks, oh, my God, this kid's doing great, like, that's true, like, like, like I just don't have the time because I'm dealing with all the knuckleheads on my team right now.

00:18:49.173 --> 00:18:55.300
I'm a volunteer, I'm only here for a little bit.

00:18:55.300 --> 00:18:57.304
I'm trying to deal with these kids because I got to keep them on my team somehow to make a team.

00:18:57.304 --> 00:19:01.971
So I the kid that I'm not talking to, which I love is just I'm not getting to that kid.

00:19:02.071 --> 00:19:03.574
Well, let me, let me help you.

00:19:03.594 --> 00:19:04.174
Coach's side.

00:19:04.174 --> 00:19:06.478
You've got to make sure you, you, you get on that.

00:19:06.478 --> 00:19:08.545
You know, get, make sure you get that touch point.

00:19:08.945 --> 00:19:13.832
Right, well, look, this is also where assistant coaches come in and associate coaches come in.

00:19:13.832 --> 00:19:27.662
But like, look, I've had coaches say to me when I'm about to say, like I shouldn't have to say that, and look, you can take that approach.

00:19:27.662 --> 00:19:29.448
But I'm a big believer of, like, the things that are unsaid sometimes make bigger problems.

00:19:29.448 --> 00:19:30.049
We're talking about pressure.

00:19:30.049 --> 00:19:32.218
So, mike, to that kid you're just talking about the kid that we're not paying attention to but we love, right?

00:19:32.218 --> 00:19:36.689
I always tell coaches in that situation you can empower that kid and it's real simple.

00:19:36.689 --> 00:19:50.066
You just sit them down and say listen, I know I'm not talking to you as much as you probably like, but that's because I trust you, that's because you're doing your job and I need to continue to trust you.

00:19:50.066 --> 00:19:52.192
This is part of your role to do a good job, because it's going to affect the whole team.

00:19:52.212 --> 00:19:59.492
I tell you a quick story and I actually wrote this in one of my books that perhaps the most important player on your team.

00:19:59.492 --> 00:20:03.181
I'll ask that who do you think the most important player on your team is?

00:20:03.181 --> 00:20:07.163
And the common answers are well, goalie or my top scorer does all this.

00:20:07.163 --> 00:20:09.984
And I said they're very important players.

00:20:09.984 --> 00:20:26.432
The most important player on your team is the kid that does not have the talent but works harder than everyone else, sets the standard for work ethic for the entire team, and I always look to enable that kid.

00:20:26.854 --> 00:20:28.094
And here's the conversation.

00:20:28.094 --> 00:20:29.255
It's a tough conversation.

00:20:29.255 --> 00:20:31.576
It's look, you're not going to play that much.

00:20:31.576 --> 00:20:33.957
Again, we're talking higher levels here, right?

00:20:33.957 --> 00:20:34.778
I mean, this is the.

00:20:34.778 --> 00:20:35.738
I'm not talking to you right now.

00:20:35.738 --> 00:20:40.141
You're not going to play as much as the other guys.

00:20:40.141 --> 00:20:49.590
I will give you shifts, but I've had situations where this guy gets one, two shifts a game and I said I'm entrusting you with the hardest job on this team, which is to outwork your teammates at practice, knowing you will only get two shifts.

00:20:49.590 --> 00:20:59.162
And I tell them, mike, we will win because of you, because of the standard that you set, because you're gonna push our top players to work harder than they've ever thought, because you work harder than they do.

00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:03.809
Now, listen, if you get in a situation where your top player is that guy, god bless you.

00:21:03.809 --> 00:21:05.053
That's the golden situation.

00:21:05.053 --> 00:21:11.571
You know you can't ask for more than that, but I want the player on our team that works the hardest to set the bar for everybody else.

00:21:11.571 --> 00:21:15.145
That's the most important player on your team and you have to enable that person.

00:21:15.145 --> 00:21:19.832
Because, mike, I've seen the opposite of this where that person gets nothing, no talking, you know what starts to happen.

00:21:19.832 --> 00:21:21.133
You can all guess it at home.

00:21:21.133 --> 00:21:22.512
Why am I working so hard?

00:21:22.512 --> 00:21:23.993
Why do I need to do this?

00:21:23.993 --> 00:21:24.433
Right?

00:21:24.433 --> 00:21:25.734
Coach is not even acknowledging me.

00:21:25.734 --> 00:21:28.155
Now, look, you can question the character of that person.

00:21:28.155 --> 00:21:29.217
That's another episode.

00:21:29.557 --> 00:21:32.678
My point is, as a coach, we need to bring the best out of all of our players.

00:21:32.678 --> 00:21:38.942
You want to enable that player, and it's not so much so you can compare and say why aren't you skating as fast as this guy?

00:21:38.942 --> 00:21:53.292
It's just you put that kid in a position to succeed, right, the players will naturally start to work hard and if they start not to coach them, all right.

00:21:53.292 --> 00:21:54.196
But that also, mike, the messages.

00:21:54.196 --> 00:21:58.741
Mike, you've heard me say this a million times.

00:21:58.741 --> 00:22:00.905
I end every one of my videos that I do online with one statement, which is I believe in you.

00:22:00.905 --> 00:22:01.586
You should too.

00:22:02.127 --> 00:22:12.718
And I say that because it's not said enough and we underestimate as people, as coaches, as society, how much kids need to hear that I believe in you.

00:22:12.718 --> 00:22:15.124
Coaches listening, parents listening.

00:22:15.124 --> 00:22:19.593
When is the last time you told your kids you believe in them.

00:22:19.593 --> 00:22:21.282
I'm not talking about I love you.

00:22:21.282 --> 00:22:22.967
I believe that you say that to them.

00:22:22.967 --> 00:22:25.712
When is the last time you told them I believe in you?

00:22:25.712 --> 00:22:34.391
Coaches, do not underestimate how far that goes, how much it fills a kid up when they say, hey coach, believes in me.

00:22:34.391 --> 00:22:36.446
You want to alleviate pressure.

00:22:36.446 --> 00:22:39.340
The messaging is important, coaches.

00:22:39.340 --> 00:22:43.211
If that's not your style, I'm not going to argue that.

00:22:43.211 --> 00:22:44.846
You got assistant coaches.

00:22:44.846 --> 00:22:45.605
They can say it.

00:22:45.605 --> 00:22:49.286
Someone's got to say it all right, I?

00:22:49.286 --> 00:23:00.971
I watched the team last season mike I don't think that was said one time to the whole team and you could see them slowly deteriorating and they started strong and they ended horribly because they had no belief in themselves.

00:23:00.971 --> 00:23:03.642
Yeah right, could have been started day one.

00:23:03.642 --> 00:23:05.560
So again, I'm on a soapbox a little bit here.

00:23:05.560 --> 00:23:06.904
I'm very passionate about this topic.

00:23:06.904 --> 00:23:14.155
But you want to alleviate pressure, trust the messaging, communicate, understand how they're motivated kids.

00:23:14.155 --> 00:23:15.661
You need to know how you're motivated.

00:23:17.443 --> 00:23:26.442
I firmly believe in a open door, a controlled open door policy for coaches where you know, keeping in mind the 24 hour rule, or when emotions are high.

00:23:26.442 --> 00:23:27.766
You shouldn't do it, coaches.

00:23:27.766 --> 00:23:31.124
Your door should always be open for your players, especially the young ones, and parents.

00:23:31.124 --> 00:23:34.291
You should encourage your player even at eight years old.

00:23:34.291 --> 00:23:40.752
If you have a problem to speak to that coach, you should absolutely say I'm not feeling right.

00:23:40.752 --> 00:23:42.142
Can I talk to you for 15 minutes?

00:23:42.142 --> 00:23:53.628
And coaches, if you turn them away which you should never do, I don't think most of you would this is on you, all right, but I would tell the kids and the parents I my door's open, obviously.

00:23:53.628 --> 00:23:55.133
Give me an appropriate amount of time.

00:23:55.133 --> 00:24:03.832
I would like to talk to your kids parents, but we're going to segue to parents in a minute because at the end of the day, mike and this will be my closing thought I'll let you have yours.

00:24:03.832 --> 00:24:05.902
Because at the end of the day, mike and this will be my closing thought I'll let you have yours.

00:24:05.922 --> 00:24:07.482
The job is not to make them great hockey players.

00:24:07.482 --> 00:24:09.484
The job is to make them great people.

00:24:09.484 --> 00:24:11.686
Great people become great hockey players.

00:24:11.686 --> 00:24:22.017
If we're not teaching the kids the life lessons they need to survive, we are failing at coaching horrendously in youth hockey.

00:24:22.017 --> 00:24:27.023
Obviously, when you get to college and pro, this is a different conversation, but we are failing these kids.

00:24:27.023 --> 00:24:32.123
If that is not your lead approach to coaching, I'll say it's my opinion, but I believe it to be true.

00:24:32.123 --> 00:24:34.990
You are failing these kids horrifically.

00:24:34.990 --> 00:24:37.325
All right, hockey is part of it.

00:24:37.325 --> 00:24:38.930
It's not the goal.

00:24:38.930 --> 00:24:40.324
The goal is to make them good people.

00:24:40.324 --> 00:24:42.411
You want to alleviate pressure.

00:24:42.411 --> 00:24:44.269
Teach them how to deal with pressure.

00:24:44.269 --> 00:24:45.961
Parents, I'm talking to you.

00:24:45.961 --> 00:24:46.604
We'll segue in a minute.

00:24:46.604 --> 00:24:48.030
I'm going to let Mike have his final thought.

00:24:49.738 --> 00:25:02.169
Yeah, I was going to say, and really the core for youth hockey right Is because you know and I've I've had this argument before that you know it's hard for me to to to put in a system where I can help develop great people in a short amount of time.

00:25:02.169 --> 00:25:03.190
For what I have them now.

00:25:03.190 --> 00:25:06.333
Again, it's a great goal and it's a great and if you can do it, do it.

00:25:06.333 --> 00:25:08.394
If that's part of your mission, do it.

00:25:08.394 --> 00:25:15.941
But I think, more, more realistically, for most of us as coaches, it's I just want to coach so kids come back and play again next year.

00:25:15.941 --> 00:25:18.346
Sure so, and and again that and that.

00:25:18.527 --> 00:25:33.554
I think the byproduct of that will be you're going to start producing better people because they're going to be happier and they're going to be more motivated and they're going to be more, they're going to have more passion for the game and with passion hopefully comes some controlled emotional peace, right?

00:25:33.554 --> 00:25:35.807
So so all of that kind of stuff works.

00:25:35.807 --> 00:25:37.151
Um, I think.

00:25:37.151 --> 00:25:41.344
And and I think sometimes you know, talk about putting pressure on coaches.

00:25:41.344 --> 00:25:46.386
I mean sometimes putting a pressure on a coach to say, well, you, you need to make these kids better people.

00:25:46.386 --> 00:25:50.346
I and I'm like well, those two parents that are with that kid are jackasses.

00:25:50.646 --> 00:25:53.082
Like, I don't even like, like they're not good people themselves.

00:25:53.082 --> 00:25:55.228
So you know again, we want to.

00:25:55.228 --> 00:25:56.510
Obviously, we want to make good people.

00:25:56.510 --> 00:26:08.715
We want to, we want to create great teammates, but as a coach, your core obligation and mission and goal is not to make great hockey players, but to make these kids want to come back.

00:26:08.715 --> 00:26:14.512
Sure, and if they can come back, I just think the ball rolls down the hill from there.

00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:20.512
I mean now, OK, yeah, if you come back and you're, you're not getting kicked out of the organization, you are becoming a better person.

00:26:20.512 --> 00:26:22.184
I agree, you know so.

00:26:22.184 --> 00:26:27.400
All of those kind of things are happening person.

00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:27.701
I agree.

00:26:27.701 --> 00:26:28.884
So all of those kinds of things are happening.

00:26:28.884 --> 00:26:51.450
But ultimately, coaches, if you're going to take this I take a lot of pride in being a coach of children and adults and the sport, but if you're going to take that mantle, then just do all those best practices that are going to help all of us in the coaching world succeed, and that's create better people, create motivated and passionate athletes and create kids that want to keep coming back for more.

00:26:51.450 --> 00:26:55.749
And if you can do all those things, you're going to alleviate a lot of these other issues around your teams.

00:26:56.520 --> 00:26:57.746
Mike you bring up a great point.

00:26:57.746 --> 00:26:59.105
I'm going to pay a compliment here too.

00:26:59.105 --> 00:26:59.527
You're right.

00:26:59.527 --> 00:27:01.207
We as coaches, we're talking coaches.

00:27:01.207 --> 00:27:04.444
Still we have such a little amount of time with these kids.

00:27:04.806 --> 00:27:15.564
But, mike, I know you pretty well and I know some people that you've coached and I'll tell you this that they don't come up to me when I talk about you, because I get to talk to you a lot and then I'll go.

00:27:15.564 --> 00:27:17.646
He taught me how to take a snapshot, man, he taught me the way to take a snap.

00:27:17.646 --> 00:27:18.949
They talk about how you made them feel.

00:27:18.949 --> 00:27:22.335
They talk about how you believed in them, right?

00:27:22.335 --> 00:27:23.656
That that's what people say about you.

00:27:23.656 --> 00:27:28.309
So I'm just I'm confirming what, what you're saying about them wanting to come back.

00:27:28.951 --> 00:27:34.090
But whether you call it a by-product or not, you are making them better people, right?

00:27:34.090 --> 00:27:47.012
I think for you, mike, this comes so naturally as a coach and I really feel this way about you that you're you're doing that without thinking the better people thing, right, which allows you actually to focus on the hockey side of things even more.

00:27:47.012 --> 00:27:49.126
But I'm telling you I have spoken to people.

00:27:49.126 --> 00:27:58.521
Anytime I bring up your name, because I get to talk about this podcast all the time no one has said Mike taught me how to play a one, three, one better than anyone that I've ever.

00:27:58.521 --> 00:28:00.150
They don't say that Thank you.

00:28:01.482 --> 00:28:06.073
But again, that's a byproduct of the good coaches I had and my parents.

00:28:06.073 --> 00:28:09.450
And like I, like, not like, like I know that my kids hate it.

00:28:09.450 --> 00:28:11.907
Like I, you don't leave a locker room without it being the cleanest.

00:28:11.928 --> 00:28:12.309
Same way.

00:28:13.201 --> 00:28:18.509
Now and that has nothing to do with you know, me being, you know, above anybody else it's just like this is the right thing to do.

00:28:18.509 --> 00:28:38.625
Guys, somebody else is doing this for you to be here, like, and whether you, you know, throw your bag in the back of a car and throw your sticks into the brand new Audi, or you know, you're watching kids get you know, just completely, just leave their skates in the middle of the locker room.

00:28:38.625 --> 00:28:47.207
You know, mom and dad just bought them a $600 pair of skates and there's no care for them, and $600 pair of skates and there's no care for them, and like so that.

00:28:47.207 --> 00:28:56.521
But but again, if you can instill these qualities and I think, going back to the original question, right, if you can, if those are, those are all opportunities to communicate with kids and then find out what motivates them.

00:28:56.863 --> 00:29:09.663
If, what motivates them, if, like, if one of the pieces for as a coach that motivates my kids is hey, guys, you know what, you're gonna play less, or there's a punishment, or there's something.

00:29:09.663 --> 00:29:16.871
When I come in and this locker room looks the way it looks, like this is disgusting, like this is the place that you, this is your home and this is how you're gonna treat it.

00:29:16.871 --> 00:29:19.186
Well, there's gonna be consequences to that Like.

00:29:19.186 --> 00:29:26.137
So you know, if the next day they come for practice and they're not allowed to use the locker room and have to get dressed out in the hallway, somebody like, oh my god, what the that's horrible.

00:29:26.137 --> 00:29:27.020
Like how could you do that?

00:29:27.020 --> 00:29:34.905
That's so much pressure to me, but to me that's helping them become better people, I agree I'm saying the same thing, I'm on the same page with you here.

00:29:35.185 --> 00:29:35.606
Yeah, but yeah.

00:29:35.606 --> 00:29:38.621
No, it's but and again I will.

00:29:38.780 --> 00:29:51.623
I will say that, you know, I think I, I think, inherently I do these kind of things, but I don't think it was overnight, it's it's you know, 35 years of of being in front of really good people and then mimicking the really good coaches, right?

00:29:51.623 --> 00:29:54.711
Well, I'm like, wow, I really liked what that guy did, right?

00:29:54.711 --> 00:29:58.060
Whoa, and listen, I'm sure there's plenty of players that play for me.

00:29:58.080 --> 00:30:19.413
You're like I will never do that Because I didn't like that I can tell you this, I can tell you this right now, and this will help us merge into parenting, right, I believe that I have had in my youth hockey journey I had more I don't want to say bad coaches, but I had more below par coaches than I had above par coaches.

00:30:19.413 --> 00:30:36.390
I had several par par, but most of my coaching philosophy, mike and look, I'm not patting myself on the back, but I have to say I've had a lot of success with my coaching Most of it was born as a reaction to the below par coaches of what I don't want to do.

00:30:36.390 --> 00:30:40.242
Right, the above par coaches impacted me extremely.

00:30:40.242 --> 00:30:46.462
Okay, like, like, the core values, um, things that have have set me on the path of success came from them.

00:30:46.462 --> 00:30:50.779
But I learned more, probably, from the below par coaches than the above par coaches.

00:30:50.779 --> 00:30:58.041
In fact, in my, in the book I referenced earlier, uh, I thank both, I thank all of them, I, I and I, I generally thank all of them.

00:30:58.041 --> 00:31:13.109
Like, like, when I had the below par coaches at the time, it was probably pretty painful, uh, and there's a lot of pressure, but at this point, I'm so thankful that I was able to experience some of those situations because it taught me what not to do or how to deal with things in real life.

00:31:13.109 --> 00:31:22.942
And I'll tell you this, parents, as we segue into you a lot of the pressure that I felt going through that at 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.

00:31:22.942 --> 00:31:36.095
When I was in my twenties, I was well prepared for the real pressure of life which, I'm going to say it, Mike, life pressure makes hockey pressure look silly.

00:31:36.095 --> 00:31:38.970
When, once you're out, all right, it's not even close.

00:31:39.813 --> 00:32:02.051
And I will say this, I'm going to say something that might be a little controversial here or might make some people upset when it comes from pressure with hockey parents, parents, you are the reason for most of it or you are the reason your kid is not prepared to deal with it.

00:32:02.051 --> 00:32:04.826
And you need to look at yourself.

00:32:04.826 --> 00:32:10.548
I know that is a hot take, I know that is a tough thing to hear.

00:32:10.548 --> 00:32:19.226
I want to say, first and foremost, I look at myself a lot with my own kids and wonder is it me?

00:32:19.226 --> 00:32:29.412
I'm not excusing bad coaching, but, as Mike said in the last segment, you are with your kid a majority of the time.

00:32:29.412 --> 00:32:37.554
How you help them or guide them through pressure is going to teach them how to deal with pressure.

00:32:37.554 --> 00:32:39.105
There's no coach on the planet that is going to have more how to deal with pressure.

00:32:39.105 --> 00:32:42.217
There's no coach on the planet that is going to have more impact than you on your kids.

00:32:43.237 --> 00:32:48.165
We've talked about this before how you respond to that pressure with your kid.

00:32:48.165 --> 00:32:50.112
I'll give you a real easy example.

00:32:50.112 --> 00:32:57.605
Bobby's not passing the puck he's a puck hog and your kid could have had five goals if that kid passed the puck.

00:32:57.605 --> 00:33:02.224
And your kid's not able to goals, if that kid passed the puck and your kid's not able to score because bobby won't pass the puck.

00:33:02.224 --> 00:33:03.508
I've all been there.

00:33:03.508 --> 00:33:06.781
What are you saying to your kid in the car?

00:33:06.781 --> 00:33:09.008
You shouldn't be talking in the car.

00:33:09.008 --> 00:33:11.542
But what are you saying to your kid after that game?

00:33:11.542 --> 00:33:23.869
Are you saying, well, if bobby would pass more, you'd have more goals and bobby's to blame, and bobby's the reason that you're not getting more ice time, and but if you start doing that, you're creating the pressure.

00:33:23.869 --> 00:33:31.128
What you should be saying again my opinion is okay, Bobby doesn't pass the puck.

00:33:31.128 --> 00:33:32.692
You can establish that.

00:33:32.692 --> 00:33:36.143
What are you going to do to respond to that?

00:33:36.143 --> 00:33:37.465
How are you going to play to respond to that?

00:33:37.465 --> 00:33:41.134
How are you going to play differently to compliment that.

00:33:41.134 --> 00:33:43.566
Is Bobby creating rebounds?

00:33:43.566 --> 00:33:44.569
Is Bobby doing this?

00:33:44.569 --> 00:33:49.025
Would you like to have a conversation with your coach, the kid parents, not you.

00:33:49.025 --> 00:33:58.990
All right, how you guide them through the pressure is so important for later on Parents.

00:33:59.791 --> 00:34:02.394
When your kid hurts, you hurt.

00:34:02.394 --> 00:34:09.744
When your kid's feeling pressure, you feel pressure.

00:34:09.744 --> 00:34:12.172
You've got to be insanely in tune with that and be very conscious of how you respond to that pressure.

00:34:12.172 --> 00:34:16.025
Look, there are things that are 100% wrong in youth sports.

00:34:16.025 --> 00:34:19.364
I'm not telling you not to stand up and support your kid or anything like that.

00:34:19.364 --> 00:34:20.409
Don't get me wrong.

00:34:20.409 --> 00:34:21.856
I'm not going extreme.

00:34:21.856 --> 00:34:24.724
I'm just talking about the normal pressures of having a bad game.

00:34:24.724 --> 00:34:26.909
Bobby has a bad game.

00:34:26.909 --> 00:34:28.472
What are you saying to them?

00:34:28.472 --> 00:34:39.994
You create a lot of the pressure and you're teaching them how to deal with pressure and you have to audit yourself.

00:34:39.994 --> 00:34:43.485
Mike, I'd love your thoughts on that.

00:34:43.485 --> 00:34:44.088
Again, blame it.

00:34:44.088 --> 00:34:47.128
I do want to say this I'm not blaming parents for everything.

00:34:47.128 --> 00:34:48.748
That's not what I'm trying to say.

00:34:48.748 --> 00:35:00.224
Okay, I'm just saying a majority of pressure that happens to your kids and how they internalize that comes from you and how you've brought them up, and it's okay.

00:35:00.224 --> 00:35:00.807
It's okay.

00:35:00.807 --> 00:35:08.030
There's no perfect parents None of us Right but you've got to find a way to help them navigate that, Mike Pennelly.

00:35:08.311 --> 00:35:18.157
Yeah, I mean, you think about how a parent says, oh my God, my son is so intimidated by this coach, or he's intimidated by the moment, or he's intimidated by like the, the.

00:35:18.157 --> 00:35:37.423
You know he shrinks and like, as the, as the, as the writer said, right, that they kind of you know he shrinks on the ice once he knows somebody's watching him or critiquing him, and but just as we expect coaches to do a lot for our kids, parents have to coach our kids, like, and we have to coach and say, well, okay, this is that like, it's almost like.

00:35:37.423 --> 00:35:37.643
You know.

00:35:37.643 --> 00:35:40.731
You know, we just talked about how coaches need to find what motivates kids.

00:35:40.731 --> 00:35:46.389
We, as parents, got to find out what motivates coaches and we have to say, like, okay, this coach hates soft players.

00:35:46.389 --> 00:35:48.181
Oh, what do you mean by soft player?

00:35:48.181 --> 00:35:55.304
He just hates players that bitch and moan and go in the corners and don't want to get too far and dirty and and but again, you're.

00:35:55.344 --> 00:35:57.608
So you, now, you, you've done, we've done.

00:35:57.608 --> 00:36:01.012
We've listened to the our kids play hockey podcast for the last couple of years.

00:36:01.012 --> 00:36:02.315
You've done your research.

00:36:02.315 --> 00:36:04.204
You've done the buyer beware.

00:36:04.204 --> 00:36:06.652
You've found the organization that has the greatest coaches.

00:36:06.652 --> 00:36:07.563
You have all this stuff.

00:36:07.563 --> 00:36:08.626
You've done all this stuff as a parent.

00:36:08.626 --> 00:36:09.539
You're supposed to be doing right.

00:36:09.539 --> 00:36:12.965
And now you're like, oh my God, my kid's so intimidated by this coach.

00:36:12.965 --> 00:36:14.367
Okay, well, now we get.

00:36:14.367 --> 00:36:16.690
Now you've already, you're in the system.

00:36:16.690 --> 00:36:18.514
You've chosen to be here.

00:36:18.514 --> 00:36:19.840
You're there, yeah, you're there.

00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:32.170
So now, as a parent, because you're with your kids 80, 90 more than the, the dad or mom volunteering their time to come coach your kid then you need to find a way to go.

00:36:32.170 --> 00:36:36.806
Okay, well, what, what motivates this guy, a girl, and what and what, what?

00:36:36.806 --> 00:36:37.706
What can my son?

00:36:37.706 --> 00:36:38.027
What can?

00:36:38.027 --> 00:36:45.166
How can I coach my son to be more proactive in in getting the attention of the coach?

00:36:45.166 --> 00:36:51.773
And how can I coach my son to get noticed, not by, you know, picking up pox after practice and being polite?

00:36:51.793 --> 00:36:53.507
you know shaking the right thing to do, yeah.

00:36:54.460 --> 00:37:03.610
But just like saying, like, like making sure the kid knows when he's talking to the coach, like, coach, you know, I completely understand what you want us to do out there.

00:37:03.610 --> 00:37:05.945
You know, please give me some feedback, is you know?

00:37:05.945 --> 00:37:09.507
Was I for checking the right way, or was I putting myself in a good position to be there?

00:37:09.507 --> 00:37:13.202
Hey, do you want me to be aggressive on defense, or do you want me to be, you know?

00:37:13.202 --> 00:37:15.065
Do you want me to lay back and wait for the play to come to me?

00:37:15.065 --> 00:37:16.347
You want me to lay back and wait for the play to come to me?

00:37:16.347 --> 00:37:21.655
Because I know you really like aggressive players, but I don't feel like I have the talent to be able to get in there.

00:37:21.655 --> 00:37:25.077
And then, hopefully, a coach will say I don't care about the talent, you get in there.

00:37:25.077 --> 00:37:28.480
If you make a mistake, don't worry about it, we're going to, we're going to know so.

00:37:28.981 --> 00:37:39.862
Or you're going to have a coach say you make one mistake, you will sit the rest of this game and if that doesn't intimidate a kid, I don't know what does.

00:37:39.862 --> 00:37:40.744
And then, so now we go back to the parents.

00:37:40.744 --> 00:37:42.007
So now you have that, you have that opportunity.

00:37:42.007 --> 00:37:42.590
Mom and dad.

00:37:42.590 --> 00:37:44.052
Kid gets in the car.

00:37:44.052 --> 00:37:47.286
Kid made a mistake, sat the game.

00:37:47.286 --> 00:37:55.746
You can either be like oh boy, well you know, we got to rectify the mistake by what you're doing, or you can say this coach is an idiot, he sucks.

00:37:55.746 --> 00:37:57.630
He never sat, you see, he sucks.

00:37:57.630 --> 00:37:59.974
So he didn't suck three months ago when you tried out for him.

00:38:00.195 --> 00:38:01.920
Right, he was the best coach in the area.

00:38:01.920 --> 00:38:04.925
He was the best coach in the whole country three months ago.

00:38:05.922 --> 00:38:10.570
So now you have to say, okay, well, this is a learning opportunity.

00:38:10.570 --> 00:38:21.385
And I think what parents can do which I find is hard to do, even as a parent myself is to not look at Friday to Sunday as a life.

00:38:21.385 --> 00:38:26.909
It's just one weekend, one game, 10 shifts.

00:38:26.909 --> 00:38:30.211
It doesn't define who you are.

00:38:30.231 --> 00:38:31.932
You won't even remember it in a month.

00:38:31.972 --> 00:38:41.188
You won't even remember it, or you could allow that to be the springboards of having misery, right and hate and pressure and pressure.

00:38:41.469 --> 00:38:43.195
You want to build pressure Then.

00:38:43.195 --> 00:38:44.481
Then it's like anything else.

00:38:44.481 --> 00:38:46.726
You know, you're, you're, you're, hello.

00:38:46.726 --> 00:38:48.452
I can't even use a good cat cooking analogy.

00:38:48.452 --> 00:38:51.981
Maybe a crack pot, right, you know you don't want to, you just want to open up the top of the pot.

00:38:51.981 --> 00:38:53.222
You got to let the pressure out.

00:38:53.222 --> 00:38:54.143
You're going to get burned.

00:38:54.143 --> 00:38:56.125
You got, yeah, you'll get burned, right, you got.

00:38:56.125 --> 00:39:03.389
You just got to say wait, oof, breathe, and then look and say okay, let's evaluate the situation.

00:39:03.771 --> 00:39:06.612
The situation was my son got sat.

00:39:06.612 --> 00:39:07.092
Why?

00:39:07.092 --> 00:39:21.557
He took a horrible penalty with a minute and 30 left in the second period, when the coach said you cannot take a penalty, right, but I didn't really take a penalty.

00:39:21.557 --> 00:39:24.976
I was skating from the pocket and the kid tripped over my stick like so now all that pressure comes on the kid like that's my fault, the game is my fault, we lost because it's my fault.

00:39:24.976 --> 00:39:29.317
And now, as a parent, you can't make excuses, but you have to say okay, well, let's, let's, let's work this out.

00:39:29.317 --> 00:39:30.677
This is one weekend of your life.

00:39:30.677 --> 00:39:33.804
Like I said, six shifts, it's one game.

00:39:34.186 --> 00:39:46.219
Just don't allow those things to compound I'll say this too look, if you're listening to this show, you're probably not the type of parent that does too much of the negative pressure building.

00:39:46.219 --> 00:39:51.889
Okay, like like last season I saw I saw a dad, um, I saw a dad.

00:39:51.889 --> 00:39:59.811
I was there yelling at his kid to get off the ice from the stands and he thought it was funny as hell.

00:39:59.811 --> 00:40:02.726
And I remember I didn't think it was that funny.

00:40:02.726 --> 00:40:04.570
I thought, like what are you doing?

00:40:04.570 --> 00:40:06.684
Like he was trying to impress, kind of, the other parents, I think a little bit.

00:40:06.684 --> 00:40:08.188
And I was appalled.

00:40:08.188 --> 00:40:12.543
I was just like jesus, like like what is your kid must think?

00:40:12.543 --> 00:40:17.251
Oh, he, he knows I'm joking, I, I don't think he does, because he got off the ice.

00:40:17.251 --> 00:40:19.074
You know what I mean.

00:40:19.135 --> 00:40:26.157
Like this was during a game and I was really just not happy with it.

00:40:26.157 --> 00:40:28.322
I was a dad in the stands, I didn't say anything.

00:40:28.322 --> 00:40:32.452
I was just like, wow, man, this guy's, he's like get off the ice, you suck.

00:40:32.452 --> 00:40:34.702
I mean he said that 2023.

00:40:34.702 --> 00:40:38.351
When this was done, someone said that, yeah, all right now.

00:40:38.351 --> 00:40:39.753
With that said, look a few things.

00:40:39.753 --> 00:40:41.242
I've thought that a couple times.

00:40:41.242 --> 00:40:47.202
Oh, I'm sure, yeah, look it's, we all think it doesn't mean you say it to your own, just get.

00:40:47.242 --> 00:40:48.565
Please, find a way to get off the ice.

00:40:48.565 --> 00:40:50.960
Yeah, of course we've all thought that right.

00:40:51.101 --> 00:41:01.155
But, like um, look two things I want to Parents everything that happens to your kid in youth sports is an opportunity.

00:41:01.155 --> 00:41:03.907
Not everything is going to feel great.

00:41:03.907 --> 00:41:06.126
I think we misconstrue the thing.

00:41:06.126 --> 00:41:08.847
Well, opportunity is he's going to get a chance to play and it's going to be great.

00:41:08.847 --> 00:41:10.010
That's an opportunity.

00:41:10.010 --> 00:41:12.688
Getting sat is also an opportunity.

00:41:12.688 --> 00:41:15.809
It's all an opportunity, depending on how you look at it.

00:41:15.809 --> 00:41:22.163
You need I'm begging you parents to convey that to your children this didn't feel good.

00:41:22.163 --> 00:41:24.168
I got sat, I blew the game, I lost the game.

00:41:24.168 --> 00:41:25.452
It's an opportunity.

00:41:25.452 --> 00:41:27.266
What did you learn from this event?

00:41:27.266 --> 00:41:31.228
First question you should ask what can you do to work harder to change that?

00:41:31.228 --> 00:41:36.907
Okay, if your kid falls into that, I don't know, I'm never going to be going to help them through that.

00:41:36.907 --> 00:41:52.606
That's an opportunity Because Mike, I'm going to make a quick point here the beauty of sports in general, especially youth sports, is you typically get another shift, or you get another team, or you get another chance, constantly, over and over again.

00:41:53.668 --> 00:41:56.653
In real life, you're fired and that's it.

00:41:56.653 --> 00:42:00.664
You don't get another chance, you just get fired and it's over.

00:42:00.664 --> 00:42:05.929
And if your kid can't deal with the pressure of that, the kid's going to most likely get fired.

00:42:05.929 --> 00:42:14.268
Or if you want to go a little younger, you got a C minus on the test, all right, and you don't know how to deal with getting any kind of adversity.

00:42:14.268 --> 00:42:16.501
A lot of examples of this.

00:42:16.501 --> 00:42:18.742
Your kid will deal with this over and over.

00:42:18.742 --> 00:42:20.402
Parents, think about your life.

00:42:20.402 --> 00:42:22.943
We deal with pressures like this every day.

00:42:22.943 --> 00:42:23.523
God bless you.

00:42:23.523 --> 00:42:24.625
All All right.

00:42:24.625 --> 00:42:41.293
And the pressures of real life, mike people dying, people getting sick, losing work economically, election I mean the pressures of real life make hockey seem like a golden land of beauty, even the bad times.

00:42:41.293 --> 00:42:43.954
All right, did you want to comment on that?

00:42:44.014 --> 00:43:02.190
Yeah, just as you're saying this, I'm thinking about, you know, the demographic maybe of the audience that we have, right, and I think, and I think you know, sometimes there's plenty of people that are really very successful and that that believe that the pressure is what builds the diamond right.

00:43:02.190 --> 00:43:03.969
Like you sure have that pressure, like I had that pressure, you will have that pressure right.

00:43:03.969 --> 00:43:14.793
I think it's all about, like, going back to the original premise of well then, you, if you're with your kid all the time, then you need to know how much pressure that kid can be under.

00:43:14.793 --> 00:43:24.800
Like, you need to know where that threshold is, because if you can't communicate that to yourself, then you know it's great, listen, because you'll have a lot of like.

00:43:25.081 --> 00:43:27.932
I've been talking to so many dads and moms that, no, no, you can't like.

00:43:27.932 --> 00:43:31.123
Like, oh, I can't believe they don't keep score at au hockey.

00:43:31.123 --> 00:43:32.067
This is ridiculous.

00:43:32.067 --> 00:43:34.942
Like these kids need to learn how to lose and what it's like to lose.

00:43:34.942 --> 00:43:38.188
They will, I go, they will next year.

00:43:38.188 --> 00:43:40.039
But I say but, but you just but.

00:43:40.039 --> 00:43:42.586
I think it's just a matter of like, yeah, but is that every kid Like?

00:43:42.586 --> 00:43:44.010
Is that, is it your kid?

00:43:44.010 --> 00:43:44.722
Okay, that's fine.

00:43:44.722 --> 00:43:45.382
Then you need to.

00:43:45.784 --> 00:44:04.003
Then this is where the parent conversation comes in and the discussions come in and about how you can, you can find ways to make sure your kid's not, you know, buckling under the pressure or you know, if they're able to just kind of float through it like there is no pressure, okay, god help, that's great.

00:44:04.003 --> 00:44:06.730
But but I just think, I just don't think.

00:44:06.730 --> 00:44:19.612
I think the the premise that you've got to have so much pressure and and like the tiger moms of the world that are like you know, you know, you're, you're, you're a failure if you come home with a c, there's the I I'm.

00:44:19.612 --> 00:44:26.096
I'm sure there are many children that thrive and can handle that.

00:44:26.096 --> 00:44:27.096
I'm sure there are.

00:44:27.096 --> 00:44:28.117
But that's where it comes.

00:44:28.117 --> 00:44:35.630
You need to know your kid and I think that's where it comes back to the messaging like look in my household and again, this is just us.

00:44:37.132 --> 00:44:41.302
C's are not okay, all right, like we're not looking for you to get C's.

00:44:41.302 --> 00:44:50.606
But the question I often ask is I need you to be honest with me Did you do everything you could to prepare for this test?

00:44:50.606 --> 00:44:54.661
And do not lie to me Did you study, did you do the work?

00:44:54.661 --> 00:44:56.186
Did you do the assignments?

00:44:56.186 --> 00:44:58.210
Did you, did you pay attention in class?

00:44:59.061 --> 00:45:13.744
Because if the answer is no and it always is no if you didn't do it right and this is this is the trust and look, look, I'm not saying my kids are always honest with me, everybody listening, don't get me wrong, I'm not no perfect parents, but that's the message that I want them to leave that conversation with.

00:45:13.744 --> 00:45:17.753
I don't want them leaving with if you don't get an A, you're not worth shit.

00:45:17.753 --> 00:45:19.724
That's not what I'm trying to convey.

00:45:19.724 --> 00:45:24.204
I'm trying to convey if you didn't do the work, you're not going to earn an A and C.

00:45:24.204 --> 00:45:25.487
Work is not acceptable.

00:45:25.487 --> 00:45:31.762
Work, c, work, not the C great, we don't accept that here in this house.

00:45:31.762 --> 00:45:33.244
You will do the work.

00:45:33.244 --> 00:45:36.269
That's my version, I guess, of being hard on my kids.

00:45:36.269 --> 00:45:39.019
And again, look guys, if you had a mic, what's that?

00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:41.347
thing you see all the time and don't complain about the ice time.

00:45:41.347 --> 00:46:03.559
You don't get when you don't, when you don't put the work in to get it like, yeah, like you know, don't complain about you, know what your circumstances are because that's what they are and and again, and you know, going back to like, like this, the academic analogy, if there's support needed, or or you're getting a C because of some other aspect other than you hadn't opened the book or looked at anything, or stay-.

00:46:03.639 --> 00:46:05.929
Actually, if you got a C without opening the book, that's pretty impressive.

00:46:05.929 --> 00:46:07.746
Imagine what would happen if you did open the book.

00:46:08.128 --> 00:46:08.248
Right.

00:46:08.248 --> 00:46:11.230
Well, I have this argument all the time with my oldest son.

00:46:11.230 --> 00:46:15.802
I'm like well, I know you did great on that test, but imagine what you could have done if you actually did it.

00:46:15.882 --> 00:46:24.445
But, mike, the point I'm trying to make is this is that it's like, like your analogy with the weekend, right, like the test is just one test, it's the life lessons.

00:46:24.445 --> 00:46:28.385
And the thing is this again, when I got older, that's what I retained.

00:46:28.385 --> 00:46:31.898
I don't, for the most part, remember any grades I ever got.

00:46:31.898 --> 00:46:34.244
I remember my parents encouraging me to do better.

00:46:34.244 --> 00:47:09.969
Now, listen, I have to say this to everybody listening no-transcript conscious of when I feel like I made a mistake and I don't kind of bury it.

00:47:09.969 --> 00:47:15.708
You know, I've heard, I've heard a lot of people with that I just I just bury my problems until I ignore them, until they go away.

00:47:15.708 --> 00:47:17.552
That that's just not me.

00:47:17.552 --> 00:47:22.009
Okay, I'm not saying this for anybody else, but here's kind of my final thought on this.

00:47:22.009 --> 00:47:31.530
Mike, right, what I said at the beginning of this segment about kind of it's your fault, right, I said a little bit like that Take a minute and think about how you reacted to that Was.

00:47:31.530 --> 00:47:35.748
Was your reaction like no, you're right, or was your action like what are you?

00:47:35.748 --> 00:47:36.891
What are you talking about?

00:47:36.891 --> 00:47:40.340
Or was your reaction like what are you talking about?

00:47:40.340 --> 00:47:48.219
If that was your reaction, just take a moment and think about why did you have that reaction and think about how your parents your parents probably taught you to have that reaction.

00:47:48.219 --> 00:47:54.112
Okay, you got to become conscious to your mindset, the kind of thoughts in your head.

00:47:54.112 --> 00:47:58.623
That's not who you are right, that's what you've been conditioned to think.

00:47:58.623 --> 00:48:13.570
So, when it comes to pressure with kids, parents you play the biggest role and I want to say this again, and I've seen this a lot you don't want your kids to feel pain, pressure.

00:48:13.570 --> 00:48:17.581
I don't want my kids to feel pain or pressure, I don't.

00:48:17.581 --> 00:48:29.871
But you have to be immensely careful and this is the juggling act that your taking of that pain does not overly affect their ability to learn how to deal with it.

00:48:29.871 --> 00:48:32.284
I hope that makes sense what I just said.

00:48:32.284 --> 00:48:34.027
You're an adult.

00:48:34.027 --> 00:48:40.411
You're better at compartmentalizing that pain because you're an adult for the most part, even if you don't think you're doing it well.

00:48:40.411 --> 00:48:42.382
You've got the time on your kit.

00:48:42.382 --> 00:48:57.670
If you're not allowing them to experience the pressure, the stress, the pain, the good too, if you're not allowing them to experience that and you're protecting them from that, you're doing them a disservice to a point.

00:48:57.670 --> 00:49:01.393
All right, I'm going to say it again when I said in the beginning there is a line.

00:49:01.393 --> 00:49:12.106
All right, mike, I told you before the show I had a parent talk to me about a coach that was downright insulting a kid and saying things to a kid that are not acceptable.

00:49:12.106 --> 00:49:13.568
I'm saying that to you.

00:49:13.568 --> 00:49:19.416
They are not acceptable things with this coach said to this kid and I told that parent that you should take action.

00:49:19.416 --> 00:49:25.621
All right, because, because that's not right.

00:49:25.621 --> 00:49:27.487
All right, but, but broadly, I don't think that's what most coaches are doing.

00:49:28.288 --> 00:49:36.780
Okay, again, I want to leave you with this thought my friends, on this section, everything is an opportunity, depending how you guide your child through it.

00:49:36.780 --> 00:49:40.248
Pain, pressure, it's all an opportunity.

00:49:40.248 --> 00:49:45.286
To the parent that wrote the letter I have extreme empathy for you.

00:49:45.286 --> 00:49:51.284
I do, and I don't know your exact situation, so I don't want you to think I'm saying here to you all your letters, crap.

00:49:51.284 --> 00:49:55.403
I'm trying to say to you yeah, take a look at it and try and find the opportunities.

00:49:55.403 --> 00:50:06.240
If your kid's feeling stressed and intimidated, you got to do the best you can to help them deal with those emotions as the parent, hopefully the coaches can too.

00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:07.965
Not all of them can, I'm not going to lie to you.

00:50:07.965 --> 00:50:12.583
Not all parents can help guide them through that, because they're going to experience it again.

00:50:12.583 --> 00:50:19.494
Another disclaimer, mike, and I love your opinion on this too Parents, you're going to do what I just said.

00:50:19.494 --> 00:50:23.902
You're going to try and help them and your kid's going to have a horrible reaction to it and they're not going to want to do it.

00:50:23.902 --> 00:50:25.947
Parents, completely normal.

00:50:25.947 --> 00:50:27.530
Okay, you know why?

00:50:27.530 --> 00:50:32.869
Because you're going to have to teach them this lesson 672 times before they get it.

00:50:33.652 --> 00:50:39.768
As a coach, we get to look at development a lot, probably a lot more than most parents have to think about it.

00:50:39.768 --> 00:50:43.670
I can't look at the kids on day one of eight.

00:50:43.670 --> 00:50:46.688
You expect them to be skating proficiently.

00:50:46.688 --> 00:50:50.230
The next practice, it takes the whole season.

00:50:50.230 --> 00:50:53.068
All right, I had a conversation with a coach last year.

00:50:53.068 --> 00:51:01.152
If they are skating proficiently not even amazingly proficiently at the end of their first year of might, we've done a great job.

00:51:01.152 --> 00:51:02.061
Like what is that?

00:51:02.061 --> 00:51:05.329
It's gotta be like 60 practices minimum, right?

00:51:05.329 --> 00:51:09.005
You gotta teach them and you gotta teach them again and then you gotta teach them again.

00:51:09.005 --> 00:51:15.411
It's only at the pro level Do I expect my athletes to get something on the first or second try.

00:51:15.411 --> 00:51:19.710
When it comes to kids, it could take the whole season.

00:51:19.710 --> 00:51:25.773
When you're raising a kid, it could take 18 freaking years plus some.

00:51:25.773 --> 00:51:29.510
So you got to kind of believe in the process and rely on your own thing.

00:51:29.510 --> 00:51:31.425
Really quick, funny story.

00:51:31.425 --> 00:51:32.628
I'm done with it.

00:51:33.902 --> 00:51:37.143
When I got to college, mike, for whatever reason I started pulling straight A's.

00:51:37.143 --> 00:51:39.048
I started doing really well.

00:51:39.048 --> 00:51:46.445
I was like a CB student in high school drove my parents, nuts probably didn't display too much responsibility, hockey was everything to me.

00:51:46.445 --> 00:51:53.163
And then when I got to college, my parents you know they would tell you this like there was something snapped and you were just a straight arrow, you were really good.

00:51:53.163 --> 00:52:00.289
Same thing in your work life, your master's, and I remember they said, well, what happened, like what changed?

00:52:00.289 --> 00:52:01.271
And I said this to him.

00:52:01.271 --> 00:52:03.211
And now that I'm a parent, it gets funnier and funnier.

00:52:03.211 --> 00:52:05.715
I said, well, I was always listening to you.

00:52:05.715 --> 00:52:08.697
I was always listening to you.

00:52:08.697 --> 00:52:12.605
I just like I didn't have to do my laundry, mom, you were doing it Right.

00:52:12.605 --> 00:52:16.702
So, so, like, like that's just a little example, but I was always listening.

00:52:16.702 --> 00:52:21.780
And when I turned 18 and I left the house, I applied everything I had learned.

00:52:22.903 --> 00:52:26.061
I think there's an immense amount of trust that you have to have in your kids to do that.

00:52:26.061 --> 00:52:30.269
And look, parents listen to me again.

00:52:30.269 --> 00:52:31.432
Sometimes I wish you could have a microscope.

00:52:31.432 --> 00:52:36.563
If you could hear the amount of times I have to tell my kids to do something over and over and over again.

00:52:36.563 --> 00:52:38.226
I'm with you on the struggle.

00:52:38.226 --> 00:52:41.548
All right, I've got wine in the house, got beer in the house.

00:52:41.548 --> 00:52:43.250
I need it sometimes at night to calm down.

00:52:43.269 --> 00:52:57.260
I'm with you on this, okay, but I do trust and I talk to my wife about this all the time we have to continue to teach the lesson repetitively, lesson repetitively.

00:52:57.260 --> 00:52:58.405
He or she is not going to get it the first time.

00:52:58.405 --> 00:53:03.382
If my kid could just suddenly do their laundry without me teaching them, my God, can you imagine the lack of stress that that would cause?

00:53:03.382 --> 00:53:09.025
You're doing the dishes or taking the trash out or making your bed, but cleaning up after yourself, or don't say those words.

00:53:09.025 --> 00:53:10.670
I could go on forever.

00:53:10.670 --> 00:53:14.067
I don't care about your Ohio Rizzler, sigma, sigma.

00:53:14.067 --> 00:53:18.875
You all have heard that listening to this, unless it's like 15 years in the future.

00:53:18.875 --> 00:53:20.601
Then you get your other slang right.

00:53:20.601 --> 00:53:22.987
Okay, we did the same crap.

00:53:22.987 --> 00:53:23.528
That's the other thing.

00:53:23.528 --> 00:53:24.269
Mike, I'm again.

00:53:24.269 --> 00:53:25.172
I'm on the soapbox here.

00:53:25.172 --> 00:53:25.420
I'm just.

00:53:25.420 --> 00:53:28.268
I think I'm having a little therapy session with you right now for myself.

00:53:28.750 --> 00:53:30.420
It's all good, but you talked a little bit here.

00:53:30.420 --> 00:53:37.431
Yeah, no, no, I'm still learning how to clean and do the dishes and I don't have a cook, right, yeah, that I can do.

00:53:38.092 --> 00:53:42.244
I believe that cleaning is another issue, um, I you know, but again, I think it.

00:53:42.244 --> 00:53:45.217
I think it is that it's not a blame game, it's for the parents.

00:53:45.217 --> 00:53:48.561
It's not like you, you failed, it's okay.

00:53:48.561 --> 00:53:51.125
Wow, let's look at the strategies about.

00:53:51.125 --> 00:54:23.170
You know how these things work and I think it's funny because I think in sports we have a lot more elasticity with school than we do with the sport, right, like we understand that preschool, the kindergarten, the first grade, the second grade, it's a long process and I really don't, I don't think there's the pressure for the kids to be at grade level or above grade level, or the red flags, or like below grade level.

00:54:23.771 --> 00:54:26.684
In these early years and these are the same years these kids are playing hockey.

00:54:26.684 --> 00:54:36.393
You know, these are eight, nine, 10 year old boys and girls that are in, like you know, third and fourth grade, for God's sakes, and it's like we don't, we don't, we don't expect the same.

00:54:36.393 --> 00:54:47.670
We don't expect them to look like little Einsteins in elementary school, but we do expect our hockey players to look like little Trevor's egresses, right, and it's so weird that that we, that we go down that route.

00:54:47.670 --> 00:55:20.590
But again, I think and I think in the in the bigger scheme of things, us in the hockey world, it's probably more, uh, exposed because there's so few people playing hockey, sure, like it's just a smaller community and we don't get to see, you know, in soccer and stuff it's just such a huge community that the variables are huge from rec soccer to competitive elite soccer in hockey, that that it's such a shorter window for people.

00:55:21.400 --> 00:55:28.400
We've made it that way, but and more money is spent, which I think adds to the oh, and that's the pressure on the parents, right, you said.

00:55:28.460 --> 00:55:31.771
I can't believe I spent $5,000 last year on hockey.

00:55:31.771 --> 00:55:33.561
You should be higher yeah.

00:55:33.721 --> 00:55:34.545
That's brutal.

00:55:34.684 --> 00:55:39.512
I mean look, look, I use the money $5,000 in your taxes to go to school in Fairfield County.

00:55:39.512 --> 00:55:41.202
That's a good point.

00:55:41.202 --> 00:55:42.164
What are you looking at?

00:55:42.164 --> 00:55:43.648
We don't say that to them.

00:55:43.889 --> 00:55:44.739
Yeah, we don't say that to them.

00:55:44.739 --> 00:55:45.340
You know my taxes.

00:55:45.340 --> 00:55:46.422
I pay for you to go to this school.

00:55:46.422 --> 00:55:57.764
Look, I I'll tell you this right now I do share with my kids at times that I'm investing a lot to have them play hockey, but I don't do it for performance, ever, ever.

00:55:57.764 --> 00:56:06.452
It's all about just appreciation of, hey, we're we're working and we're earning money and that allows you to do this privilege that we want you to enjoy.

00:56:06.452 --> 00:56:10.108
That's definitely how we say it to them, but don't take advantage of that.

00:56:10.108 --> 00:56:11.972
Like, when it's time to go, it's time to go.

00:56:12.972 --> 00:56:16.655
Yeah, and I try saying the same thing, Like, listen, we, I want you to be passionate about what you're doing.

00:56:16.655 --> 00:56:19.356
If this is not something you want to do, then let's find something you really love to do.

00:56:19.356 --> 00:56:22.760
I'll spend as much time as you want on that Right.

00:56:22.760 --> 00:56:26.322
The one thing you won't do is just sit around, so you know.

00:56:26.322 --> 00:56:29.744
But fine, and again at nausea, I'm like just you.

00:56:29.744 --> 00:56:32.887
You show me this passion, I'm on board.

00:56:33.067 --> 00:56:35.949
A hundred percent Right and like, just to finish this up, it's funny.

00:56:35.949 --> 00:56:50.717
You gave this metaphor before of the diamond the diamond under pressure, and I think we all know parents who think they're diamonds, you know just to kind of continue that, mike, and again close the section out Pressure does create diamonds.

00:56:50.717 --> 00:56:58.382
Pressure can also flush things and destroy things.

00:56:58.382 --> 00:56:59.244
The Titanic's falling apart every day.

00:56:59.244 --> 00:57:00.047
It was an unsinkable ship.

00:57:00.047 --> 00:57:02.382
All right, it's going to be gone at some point in the future.

00:57:02.382 --> 00:57:07.581
I also think there's a lot of people that think they're diamonds and you're a cubic zirconia.

00:57:07.581 --> 00:57:10.507
Okay, you were not formed under pressure, you're not.

00:57:10.507 --> 00:57:13.514
You're not as as as sharp as you think.

00:57:13.514 --> 00:57:16.690
The problem is you might not be conscious to that.

00:57:16.690 --> 00:57:19.346
My private coach told me I was a diamond.

00:57:19.346 --> 00:57:21.170
Yeah, maybe you are.

00:57:21.170 --> 00:57:32.867
No, you know what I'm trying to say, parents, is that yeah, like the, the forming of a diamond, just to use that metaphor I'm a big metaphor guy it has to be done perfectly to form the diamond, and I'm trying to say that none of us are perfect.

00:57:32.867 --> 00:57:38.012
So I I don't think the goal is let me get all the pressure to make the diamond, and I'm trying to say that none of us are perfect, so I don't think the goal is oh, let me get all the pressure to make the diamond because you're probably going to crush your kid.

00:57:38.012 --> 00:57:45.286
It's more or less of how do you manage the pressure so you don't crush yourself, all right, and I bet you a diamond comes out of that.

00:57:45.947 --> 00:57:50.983
Moving on to our third thing, actually, before I do that again, parents, coaches, listening, you have any opinions?

00:57:50.983 --> 00:57:52.385
This is an open door conversation.

00:57:52.385 --> 00:57:59.293
Please feel free to email us team at ourkidsplayhockeycom If you agree, if you disagree, if you have a story you want to share.

00:57:59.293 --> 00:58:04.480
I don't want anyone listening to this to think that we're not open to feedback or a conversation.

00:58:04.480 --> 00:58:06.387
That is the whole point of this podcast.

00:58:06.387 --> 00:58:08.065
So feel free to do that.

00:58:08.065 --> 00:58:09.865
But let's talk about scouts for a minute.

00:58:09.865 --> 00:58:13.164
And again, if your kid's 10, don't turn away because I have turned.

00:58:13.405 --> 00:58:17.351
I have heard about the scouts that come to 10U games, mike, which is a fallacy.

00:58:17.351 --> 00:58:18.193
It's not, not a thing.

00:58:18.193 --> 00:58:20.382
There are no scouts at 10U games.

00:58:20.382 --> 00:58:22.887
Legally they can't be there anyway.

00:58:22.887 --> 00:58:25.820
Much less, much less going up to 16U and so forth.

00:58:25.820 --> 00:58:27.902
But scouts, the pressure from scouts.

00:58:27.902 --> 00:58:35.072
So I'm going to I'm going to dive into this from the player perspective first, mike can actually speak to it from a scout perspective.

00:58:35.072 --> 00:58:37.034
I've done some scouting but not to the level you have.

00:58:37.034 --> 00:58:59.635
But here's the deal, players If you're at an age or even if you believe someone is watching you and that you have to do something special while they're there, even if that's true and you do need to do something special, it all comes from practice and muscle memory and the early mornings and putting in the time and it'll happen somewhat automatically.

00:59:00.740 --> 00:59:13.347
Your competitiveness levels on a day you think a scout is there might elevate, but your performance levels most likely not going to elevate a thousand percent because of scouts there.

00:59:13.347 --> 00:59:15.989
That's done through the work that you do.

00:59:15.989 --> 00:59:18.092
Uh, away from the games?

00:59:18.092 --> 00:59:19.474
All right, it's, it's.

00:59:19.474 --> 00:59:21.335
I'm going to give the the most common one.

00:59:21.460 --> 00:59:27.291
Michael jordan and kobe bryant worked harder than anyone away from the games.

00:59:27.291 --> 00:59:31.166
Michael jordan, I believe, used to do a full workout before a game.

00:59:31.166 --> 00:59:41.362
He was so prepared, kobe was so prepared you hear about the three practices a day, waking up at three o'clock in the morning and guys are coming back from the night out and he's already finished the gym session.

00:59:41.362 --> 00:59:49.548
He never had to rely on the talent to take over, I mean the talent to elevate in a game.

00:59:49.548 --> 00:59:50.572
It was always elevated.

00:59:50.572 --> 00:59:56.682
He did have to rely on his competitive nature to elevate, to get him to the level he wanted to be mentally.

00:59:56.682 --> 01:00:06.112
So when it comes to scouts, the work you put in now is how you impress a scout and and also, obviously, who you are as a person.

01:00:06.112 --> 01:00:07.717
Uh, and rely on it.

01:00:07.717 --> 01:00:11.625
Now, mike, do you want to comment on that before we actually flip this on to the scouts themselves?

01:00:13.648 --> 01:00:31.563
no, I mean I think as a player, um, and you're in the world of getting scouted and, to lee's point, and even if you're a young kid and you think like somebody's coming, though you know your parents find out somebody's coming to watch you because they, they're trying to, you know, coach you for another team or something which is a great thing, by the way if that's.

01:00:31.623 --> 01:00:33.047
If that's the case, then that's great.

01:00:33.047 --> 01:00:37.003
But you know 16, 17, 18, 19 year old players.

01:00:37.003 --> 01:00:43.262
You know really good scouts aren't going to look they're not looking at a snapshot, anyway, there is no.

01:00:43.262 --> 01:00:54.793
They're really good scouts, real well, any, you know any scout that's that's working and getting paid as a scout is not judging you on one game or one shift or anything, anyway they're.

01:00:54.793 --> 01:01:00.369
They're judging you on a body of work because they've got to invest the amount of time they put into you.

01:01:00.369 --> 01:01:04.826
Um, that's got to last their boss a long time.

01:01:04.826 --> 01:01:09.163
The investment going into you is going to be, you know they're going to do their research.

01:01:09.222 --> 01:01:11.697
It's like a like you know you're getting a background check, you're getting a.

01:01:11.697 --> 01:01:13.275
You know you're getting people say, hey, what does this kid do?

01:01:13.275 --> 01:01:14.440
You know you're getting a background check, you're getting a.

01:01:14.440 --> 01:01:16.385
You know you're getting people say, hey, what does this kid do you know at practice or how's he?

01:01:16.385 --> 01:01:25.248
You know, like me, I don't think I ever recruited a college player, trying to remember now, without ever having seen them anonymously at practice.

01:01:25.248 --> 01:01:28.043
I don't think I did and it wasn't.

01:01:28.043 --> 01:01:28.485
You know it wasn't.

01:01:28.485 --> 01:01:30.166
He's like the games were irrelevant to me.

01:01:30.166 --> 01:01:33.802
To me, yeah, they're good players.

01:01:33.802 --> 01:01:34.945
Yeah, all these guys are good, they're all good, right?

01:01:34.945 --> 01:01:36.644
I mean, look at these players like, oh my god, and and the kid, that's that good.

01:01:36.644 --> 01:01:38.806
All the other scouts are looking at the kid too, so it didn't matter.

01:01:38.806 --> 01:01:40.349
Like everybody knows, the kid's good.

01:01:40.349 --> 01:01:43.523
So I want to know, like, what's he doing when the coach yells at him?

01:01:43.523 --> 01:01:45.570
I want to know how he reacts to his teammates.

01:01:45.570 --> 01:01:55.355
I want to know how you know all these other things and again and so if you want to put pressure on a kid, um, you know the pressure is be you better, be a good person all the time.

01:01:56.302 --> 01:01:58.869
And you know, we talked about this in a couple of youth hockey tryouts.

01:01:58.869 --> 01:02:03.648
I had the other day, um, where we just said just just listen, you're being scouted.

01:02:03.648 --> 01:02:11.722
So if you're going to allow the pressure to happen in when you step on the ice, it might be too late, because you know, what did you look like when you got out of the car?

01:02:11.722 --> 01:02:13.346
What'd you look like when you walked down the hallway?

01:02:13.346 --> 01:02:21.253
Would you look like when that scout was in buying a coffee and he overheard you talking to the pro shop guy about how crappy his skate sharpening was, or something like.

01:02:21.333 --> 01:02:25.148
So it's all, it's all about your, your, it's a your body of work.

01:02:25.148 --> 01:02:32.367
So the whole, you know the whole premise of being intimidated and and and and shuttered as a, you know, in a scouting.

01:02:32.367 --> 01:02:39.902
Again, it's more about educating yourself to know that it's your body of work, it's the whole course of what you're doing, it's all it's.

01:02:39.902 --> 01:02:44.139
It's not, it's not like we talked about earlier, it's not a one weekend snapshot, it's.

01:02:44.139 --> 01:02:59.650
It's like I even told my, told my, the older kids I work with, like I have this saying I work with them all the time on that it's better to be seen at the right time than all the time, like if you're being seen all the time, your flaws get exposed much bigger.

01:03:00.030 --> 01:03:02.851
So make sure you're getting looked at at the right time.

01:03:02.851 --> 01:03:05.353
Be ready, be healthy, be rested.

01:03:05.353 --> 01:03:12.677
Don't go to a tournament you know deathly sick, because once you get looked at, it's going to be hard to overcome that.

01:03:12.677 --> 01:03:17.726
Now, that said, the next time they see you, you hopefully you're healthy and you're feeling good.

01:03:17.726 --> 01:03:19.960
But you know, just again, it's all about.

01:03:19.960 --> 01:03:21.246
It's not one snapshot.

01:03:21.286 --> 01:03:37.213
When people make judgments on you, it's, it's over a course, especially in the sporting world and in the scouting world yeah, mike, we recently had someone on that does some scouting and they had said um, yeah, I'm watching you play, but you know, what I'm really watching is how your demeanor is after the game win or lose.

01:03:37.213 --> 01:03:38.275
How are you treating your parents?

01:03:38.275 --> 01:03:39.465
How are your parents treating everybody?

01:03:39.465 --> 01:03:40.733
They're looking at the whole package.

01:03:40.733 --> 01:03:42.181
You know I wrote some notes down here.

01:03:42.181 --> 01:03:44.512
Look, from a hockey playing standpoint.

01:03:44.512 --> 01:03:47.460
Let's just talk about it, because I know everybody wants that kind of information.

01:03:47.460 --> 01:03:53.969
I do have to say it, like what you do without the puck is really, really important when being scouting.

01:03:53.969 --> 01:03:56.811
All right, when you have the puck, it's really easy to watch it.

01:03:56.811 --> 01:03:59.315
I'm looking at you when you don't have the puck, keep in mind too.

01:03:59.315 --> 01:04:05.489
I think with scouting, mike, we could probably throw in tryouts or evaluations a little bit in this, because you are being scouted to make a team right.

01:04:05.510 --> 01:04:05.791
Well, right.

01:04:07.240 --> 01:04:09.182
It's not just what you do with the puck.

01:04:09.182 --> 01:04:12.568
So just building on Mike's you know it's all the time type of thing.

01:04:12.568 --> 01:04:13.548
That's number one.

01:04:13.548 --> 01:04:16.873
Parents, you play a role in this, you play a role in this.

01:04:16.873 --> 01:04:20.340
You better have high character, that's all I'll say.

01:04:20.340 --> 01:04:23.947
Kids, you have to have high character all the time.

01:04:23.947 --> 01:04:27.641
It's like Mike said, it's an all the time thing, muscle memory thing.

01:04:27.641 --> 01:04:31.347
You know Wayne Gretzky let's just use him for a minute.

01:04:31.347 --> 01:04:35.315
He seems like a great person all the time and everybody says he's a better person than he is a hockey player.

01:04:35.315 --> 01:04:36.806
He's got to turn it on all the time.

01:04:36.880 --> 01:04:39.949
He has talked about the pressures of being Wayne Gretzky as a young kid.

01:04:39.949 --> 01:04:42.628
Connor McDavid, follow me, I'm going somewhere with this.

01:04:42.628 --> 01:04:46.090
Connor McDavid is expected to be the best player in the world all the time.

01:04:46.090 --> 01:04:49.286
He knows that and he is accepting of that.

01:04:49.286 --> 01:04:53.750
In fact, stanley Cup final, I remember him saying, when the game was on the line he's like I have to be the one that finishes it.

01:04:53.750 --> 01:04:54.871
That's his role.

01:04:54.871 --> 01:05:02.336
He has an understanding of that role to the point that the pressure probably feels it, but he doesn't play into it too much.

01:05:02.336 --> 01:05:06.143
It doesn't make him crush, he executes Now, with that said and this is where I was going with him.

01:05:06.143 --> 01:05:13.273
It's extremely likely your kid's not Connor McDavid or Wayne Gretzky, and that's okay, All right.

01:05:13.273 --> 01:05:18.846
The point is this the guys that go first overall, or Wayne Gretzky, obviously didn't get drafted.

01:05:18.846 --> 01:05:24.144
He played in the WHA before he could even be drafted, which is professional.

01:05:24.144 --> 01:05:29.382
You can look that up when you're to that level, it's expected to be able to deal with that.

01:05:29.382 --> 01:05:33.507
So I don't know why we don't emulate that with every kid of.

01:05:33.507 --> 01:05:41.981
It's not so much about what you do in this one moment, as Mike said, it's the type of person you are, it's the character you have, it's your talent that's built over time, right?

01:05:42.221 --> 01:05:55.204
So I think about again with my own children at evaluations and look, I see a lot of different parents at evals and tryouts with a lot of different emotions, a lot of different emotions.

01:05:55.204 --> 01:05:56.168
I've been asked like what do you tell your kid?

01:05:56.168 --> 01:06:03.550
Because I think a lot of parents they might not say it, but like well, my kid doesn't make that triple A team, that double A team, this, this, this and this All I want my kid to tell me.

01:06:03.550 --> 01:06:07.001
And parents, I'm not saying I don't want my kid to make the top team.

01:06:07.001 --> 01:06:07.943
That's not where I'm going with this.

01:06:07.943 --> 01:06:09.405
Of course I do, all right.

01:06:09.405 --> 01:06:11.447
I mean, I really want them to make the team where they're going to develop the most.

01:06:11.447 --> 01:06:12.869
But yeah, you want them to make the best team possible.

01:06:12.869 --> 01:06:13.411
It's natural.

01:06:13.411 --> 01:06:22.492
Okay, I just want my kids to be able to look at me and said, dad, I did the best I could, I did everything I could, I didn't leave anything out there.

01:06:22.492 --> 01:06:25.411
You want to talk about taking the pressure off them?

01:06:25.411 --> 01:06:27.559
That's, that's what you want them to be saying.

01:06:27.559 --> 01:06:35.271
All right, if you, if they come off the ice and say I did everything I could, but johnny did better and he's going to make the spot Now I'm not going to make the team because he did that.

01:06:35.271 --> 01:06:36.914
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:06:36.914 --> 01:06:38.342
You don't control that other kid.

01:06:38.342 --> 01:06:39.967
You have no control over that.

01:06:39.967 --> 01:06:41.170
You only have control over yourself.

01:06:41.170 --> 01:06:43.882
Did you do the best that you could do?

01:06:43.882 --> 01:06:52.311
Or, mike and this happens too I didn't have a great trial today, dad, I, I did not do the best I could and I, I you know I've made a lot of mistakes.

01:06:52.311 --> 01:06:53.132
I think it's going to affect me.

01:06:53.132 --> 01:06:55.255
It's all an opportunity, All right.

01:06:55.255 --> 01:06:57.226
Look, hey, you might not make the team you want to make now.

01:06:57.226 --> 01:06:58.362
All right.

01:06:58.362 --> 01:06:59.626
What are we going to do about that?

01:06:59.626 --> 01:07:00.329
Are we going to work hard?

01:07:00.329 --> 01:07:01.686
Now you know, now you have this experience.

01:07:01.686 --> 01:07:03.244
Let's give a great example.

01:07:03.244 --> 01:07:04.068
That's happening right now.

01:07:05.159 --> 01:07:12.242
Simone Biles, greatest gymnast in the world, left the 2020 Olympics.

01:07:12.242 --> 01:07:19.110
People called her a failure and that she was the amount of crap they said about her, which was all ridiculous.

01:07:19.110 --> 01:07:21.452
Quit her was so unfounded.

01:07:21.452 --> 01:07:22.594
That's another topic.

01:07:22.594 --> 01:07:24.436
What is she doing right now?

01:07:24.436 --> 01:07:31.934
She's competing her ass off and is going to win a bunch of gold medals, because that pressure isn't about you.

01:07:31.934 --> 01:07:35.146
To her, it's about what she can do for herself.

01:07:35.146 --> 01:07:36.250
It's a great example.

01:07:36.250 --> 01:07:50.934
All right, she did not accomplish what she wanted, she did not win medals, she left the team and now she is back there three years later because of the way the Olympics worked in 2021, competing again.

01:07:50.934 --> 01:07:57.349
That's someone with high character and if you think she's not feeling pressure to win, you're crazy.

01:07:57.349 --> 01:07:59.336
There's a great documentary about her.

01:07:59.336 --> 01:08:00.661
Right now, she talks about the pressure.

01:08:00.661 --> 01:08:02.168
She feels it all the time.

01:08:02.168 --> 01:08:03.512
She just knows how to deal with it.

01:08:03.512 --> 01:08:06.663
All right, with good and bad outcomes.

01:08:07.826 --> 01:08:12.181
So, when it comes to your kid with being watched, I'll just say that the scouts right.

01:08:12.181 --> 01:08:14.007
Did you do the best you could.

01:08:14.007 --> 01:08:15.289
That's really all you control.

01:08:15.289 --> 01:08:16.192
You can't do anything else.

01:08:16.192 --> 01:08:18.206
Do you have high character?

01:08:19.761 --> 01:08:26.926
You know, mike, one of the things I always say with evals and scouts did you go shake their hand, did you go and introduce yourself, did you pick up the pucks afterwards?

01:08:26.926 --> 01:08:28.462
Is this guaranteeing you a spot on a team?

01:08:28.462 --> 01:08:29.162
Not at all.

01:08:29.162 --> 01:08:33.649
But it's high character, because what you do today may affect you two years from now, three years from now.

01:08:33.649 --> 01:08:36.755
Okay, I remember the kids that do that.

01:08:36.755 --> 01:08:41.225
I remember it.

01:08:41.225 --> 01:08:42.815
And if they don't have the talent to make my team, that's okay, I remember it.

01:08:42.815 --> 01:08:45.186
All right, and trust me, you get my good graces when you do things like that.

01:08:45.186 --> 01:08:48.529
I recognize things like that, mike.

01:08:48.529 --> 01:08:53.345
I do want to turn this a little bit too towards the scouts, cause you had made some good points when we discussed this before the show about.

01:08:53.345 --> 01:08:58.134
You know, should scouts tell coaches they're coming, tell kids they're coming?

01:08:58.134 --> 01:09:02.930
I mean, that creates pressure in its own self can also reduce pressure, depending how you look at it.

01:09:02.930 --> 01:09:07.810
So, from a scout standpoint, what are the different approaches and how should you look at that?

01:09:09.965 --> 01:09:10.626
yeah, I mean it's.

01:09:10.626 --> 01:09:11.908
It's really the level of play, right.

01:09:11.908 --> 01:09:20.193
I mean, now that today's scouts have such you know, unique opportunities to use instat and use, use Huddle and video and not never leave their office, you don't even have to go.

01:09:20.193 --> 01:09:29.140
And I think that today's you know game just leads itself to the fact that everybody knows the best players Like.

01:09:29.140 --> 01:09:31.521
So when you're scouting, you're not scouting.

01:09:31.521 --> 01:09:35.043
You know, you're not looking for the best talent on the ice.

01:09:35.043 --> 01:09:37.886
You kind of know who the best talent is on the ice.

01:09:37.886 --> 01:09:45.711
Most people that are scouting for prep school or college or juniors or a select team, they're looking to fill roster spots.

01:09:45.711 --> 01:09:48.273
This player fit into what I have as a lineup.

01:09:48.273 --> 01:10:03.069
It's not like youth hockey, right, where you know the first 15 kids out of the best kids they make the team and the evaluators say, oh, these kids are all tens and these kids are all eights and these kids are all sixes.

01:10:03.069 --> 01:10:05.302
You know you're finding holes to fill in your rosters.

01:10:05.302 --> 01:10:07.711
So I think it's a little different from a scouting perspective.

01:10:07.711 --> 01:10:11.903
Now, as far as what can scouts do to help players perform better?

01:10:11.903 --> 01:10:22.150
You know, maybe that scout wants to say hey, lee, I'm going to be there tonight, big game Going to hope you're going to perform and watch that kid fall under pressure.

01:10:22.150 --> 01:10:26.293
You know Connor McDavid's not falling under pressure, but he's proven that right Like so.

01:10:26.293 --> 01:10:29.115
But some players may, some people, you know some.

01:10:29.115 --> 01:10:44.755
I've seen it where I've seen players that know somebody else is in the stands to watch a teammate and they buckle under the pressure or they find the pressure Like I can't believe he's here to watch that player and not watch, not watching me, but how come they're not watching me?

01:10:44.755 --> 01:10:48.306
So then that's to your point, all those little things that you have to do.

01:10:48.347 --> 01:10:49.671
I'll give you a real quick story.

01:10:49.671 --> 01:10:57.552
When I was coaching in college and when you're coaching in division three college, you're also the scout and the recruiter, yeah, and, and the marketing director, no.

01:10:57.552 --> 01:11:01.752
So when I, you know I, I drove I mean this is before gps and everything right.

01:11:01.752 --> 01:11:13.025
So I drove all the way up to maine and watch a kid play and he sat the whole game and he didn't play because the coach, you know, uh, he got in trouble in school that day and coach decided not to play him.

01:11:13.046 --> 01:11:20.030
This is a kid I'm trying to get to go play college hockey and ironically, I ended up getting his teammate Right.

01:11:20.030 --> 01:11:21.190
I'm like look at this kid.

01:11:21.190 --> 01:11:22.079
This kid's unbelievable.

01:11:22.079 --> 01:11:32.583
I got nobody's seen this kid play, and so I got an opportunity to see a kid play that I never would have went into play in the first place because he wasn't on the radar, right, but, but again in that particular game.

01:11:32.583 --> 01:11:38.394
He Right, but, but again in that particular game he did well enough for me to want to follow up you know, and I'm like, wow, that really stood out to me.

01:11:40.859 --> 01:11:42.408
Now, that might've been being at the right place at the right time.

01:11:42.429 --> 01:11:53.488
But as a scout, you know I don't know most scouts aren't, you know, unless you're at a really exceptional level and you have some kind of relationship with the parents, like you're not calling the mom and dad ahead of time, you're like, hey, listen, I'm going to be there this weekend.

01:11:53.488 --> 01:11:56.875
And there are some scouts like, hey, I'm going to be at the Beantown Classic all weekend.

01:11:56.875 --> 01:11:59.704
Please stop in and say hello to me, can't wait to meet your son.

01:11:59.704 --> 01:12:01.944
But again that.

01:12:01.944 --> 01:12:22.462
But then, as a parent, going back to what the parents need to do, you need to set those expectations of what that weekend might look like, because it all can't be about me, me, me, me, me now, because that even looks worse for a scout, and it's just a matter of saying, okay, understand, probably a big weekend for people to be watching you.

01:12:22.462 --> 01:12:28.485
You can, you can say all you want, oh, it's just like every other weekend, it's not just be aware of that.

01:12:28.485 --> 01:12:34.489
And then you can coach that into your kids and as a coach, you can prepare your kids for those those moments as well.

01:12:34.979 --> 01:12:36.203
Well, look, we're talking about pressure.

01:12:36.203 --> 01:12:42.332
You learn to deal with this pressure in 8U and 10U so that when you're in 18U you have the ability to deal with it.

01:12:42.332 --> 01:12:48.359
The other thing, too, is Mike I just wrote this down, this is for everybody you have no control, none.

01:12:48.359 --> 01:12:52.667
You have no control over what these people are watching or doing, or where they're at and when they're there None.

01:12:52.667 --> 01:12:57.474
So with that logic, it makes no sense to spend too much time worrying about it.

01:12:57.474 --> 01:12:59.400
It actually makes sense to make no time worrying about it.

01:12:59.400 --> 01:13:01.627
What you have control over is your work ethic.

01:13:01.627 --> 01:13:07.132
What you have control over is your mindset and your diet, what you put in your body, both food and knowledge.

01:13:07.132 --> 01:13:18.293
Right, you might have a little bit of influence with, like, the shaking the ref's hands and picking up the puck, but you have no control over the people watching your kids from a scouting standpoint.

01:13:18.293 --> 01:13:25.024
All right, in terms of, in terms of what they're going to take away from the game.

01:13:25.024 --> 01:13:27.390
All right, you have control over what you do on the ice and what you do off the ice.

01:13:27.390 --> 01:13:39.405
Another quick story for you, um, to kind of round this episode out Uh, I, I suffered a, a severe injury my senior year of high school, which severely hurt my ability to be scouted.

01:13:39.405 --> 01:13:50.440
All right, and it was an interesting time because I was being scouted prior to this injury and what I did was when I was injured I took up writing a little bit.

01:13:50.440 --> 01:13:52.024
Not for everybody, this is just my story.

01:13:52.024 --> 01:13:58.436
I looked up articles, I read, I did everything I could to find as much knowledge as I could and I recovered.

01:13:58.436 --> 01:14:09.430
I really, really worked hard on recovering and the only chance that I had to kind of be looked at was like the spring summer league, kind of college league, and I hadn't played my senior year.

01:14:09.430 --> 01:14:18.367
And I came back and I would say I was actually better than I was before I got injured, but I had always had issues scoring.

01:14:18.367 --> 01:14:21.367
At that time in my life I just was not a great goal scorer.

01:14:21.367 --> 01:14:27.653
So I leaned into my playmaking ability and a mix of things that they were following my recovery.

01:14:27.653 --> 01:14:31.048
They were following that spring league, that summer league.

01:14:31.048 --> 01:14:36.082
They were reading the articles I wrote and they could see that I was a playmaker.

01:14:36.082 --> 01:14:38.310
I was recruited because of those things.

01:14:38.310 --> 01:14:47.220
Yeah, all right, and I was always an incredibly fast skater, which was obviously a feather in my cap, but I was recruited to be a playmaker.

01:14:48.564 --> 01:14:59.487
The funny part about this is when I was a scout for college, I remember I went to a tournament one time, mike, and there was this kid, but probably was hyper-focused on him because of this.

01:14:59.487 --> 01:15:01.832
I mean, he's a playmaker, he's just making assists.

01:15:01.832 --> 01:15:06.065
A lot of them were second assists, but he was making them and I'm thinking like I'll never get this kid.

01:15:06.065 --> 01:15:08.247
Nobody had him on their radar.

01:15:08.247 --> 01:15:09.503
I was blown away.

01:15:09.503 --> 01:15:10.387
I recruited this kid.

01:15:10.387 --> 01:15:11.429
He came to the school.

01:15:11.429 --> 01:15:16.171
I coached that he was the second leading goal scorer I'm sorry, let's second leading point scorer on the team, right?

01:15:16.171 --> 01:15:20.355
Nobody, no, I mean nobody knows them, because I think it's because they were all second assists.

01:15:21.155 --> 01:15:27.372
And now, listen, I was probably a little more keenly aware of that because of the way I played, but this goes to show you how little control you have.

01:15:27.372 --> 01:15:29.661
Right, it was just the right place, right time.

01:15:29.661 --> 01:15:30.902
The kid impressed me.

01:15:30.902 --> 01:15:35.885
I recruited him, he came to the school and he was a really big part of our offense, right?

01:15:35.885 --> 01:15:40.087
You just don't know how these things are going to play out.

01:15:40.708 --> 01:15:55.238
So just again, the thought here how you prepare players off the ice, on the ice practice, all the different opportunities you have through your youth hockey career culminate when you're being scouted.

01:15:55.238 --> 01:16:02.447
I am not saying that you should not have an elevated attitude If you know a scout is there.

01:16:02.447 --> 01:16:13.119
I'm saying it's not going to affect your play to the point that you're going to become Connor McDavid for a day Connor McDavid's, connor McDavid, cause he's always Connor McDavid.

01:16:13.119 --> 01:16:13.884
I hope that equation makes sense.

01:16:13.884 --> 01:16:14.688
Okay, you, you, you can have a great game.

01:16:14.688 --> 01:16:16.055
Conor McDavid's Conor McDavid, because he's always Conor McDavid.

01:16:16.055 --> 01:16:16.759
I hope that equation makes sense.

01:16:16.759 --> 01:16:21.384
Okay, you can have a great game, but it's because of the time you put in, it's because of the work you put in.

01:16:21.384 --> 01:16:22.649
All right.

01:16:23.480 --> 01:16:28.908
And good scouts know you're nervous, Like really good scouts know, okay, this kid's a little nervous, he's a little you know.

01:16:28.927 --> 01:16:30.051
Sure, that's a great point.

01:16:30.530 --> 01:16:32.051
It's a big piece, you know I can.

01:16:32.051 --> 01:16:33.233
I think we can grow out of that.

01:16:33.233 --> 01:16:42.738
That might not be the who the kid is all the time like, like, like really good scouts that start to understand, like personalities and understand players and understand you know the nuances of the game.

01:16:42.738 --> 01:16:43.757
We'll start to.

01:16:43.757 --> 01:16:45.342
We'll know, really do know that.

01:16:45.342 --> 01:16:46.525
You know we'll get.

01:16:46.525 --> 01:16:47.067
I want a little.

01:16:47.067 --> 01:16:48.832
You know you talk any pro athlete like.

01:16:48.832 --> 01:16:52.466
You don't want them to have a little butterfly, you want them to be a little nervous yes, how do you perform with that?

01:16:52.827 --> 01:16:57.201
Yeah, jumping on the ice with a Stanley cup, you better be a little like oh my God, this is a big deal Like this.

01:16:57.201 --> 01:16:59.011
This is unbelievable to me, like you know.

01:16:59.011 --> 01:17:02.890
So, even if you're eight years old and you're going for a weekend, you know the finals of a tournament.

01:17:02.890 --> 01:17:09.185
You know, just listen, the butterflies are good, and being nervous is good, and, and, and wanting to embrace that moment is good.

01:17:09.185 --> 01:17:11.188
But it all down to you, know, your.

01:17:11.188 --> 01:17:22.404
Your, your your biggest psychologist and physiologist and motivator, and it's your parents, it's a, it's whoever's driving you most of the time to these games and communicating with you the most.

01:17:22.404 --> 01:17:36.890
And then you need to leverage all the people in the in that sphere and say, well, how do I work with all these people to make sure my son or daughter you know it's having the best experience, is motivated, is, is enjoying the game, is safe and wants to return.

01:17:37.693 --> 01:17:45.775
It's a great point, Mike, and again just building on that, the ability to have butterflies and deal with pressure comes from experience.

01:17:46.978 --> 01:17:49.726
It comes from experience, you don't really get butterflies people that never play in big games.

01:17:50.448 --> 01:17:50.670
Right.

01:17:50.670 --> 01:17:51.845
And here's the thing too.

01:17:51.845 --> 01:17:56.350
Look, I get to do a lot of public speaking.

01:17:56.350 --> 01:17:58.127
I get to do things where I'm in front of people all the time.

01:17:58.127 --> 01:18:02.661
I'd be lying to y'all if I didn't say I get butterflies before every event I do.

01:18:02.661 --> 01:18:04.828
I just I'm so aware of them and I know how to deal with them.

01:18:04.828 --> 01:18:08.251
I go on stage and I do what I got to do, but they're still there.

01:18:08.251 --> 01:18:21.657
I just have experience with them now, right, so, so I mean, and I don't expect them to ever go away, they've gotten less and less over time, but I feel them like every performance right, even every time I step on the ice, it's.

01:18:21.657 --> 01:18:22.637
There's not nerves.

01:18:22.637 --> 01:18:27.430
When I step on the ice, there's actually peace, but there's the anticipation of the game that I'm about to play in.

01:18:27.430 --> 01:18:29.235
It comes over time.

01:18:29.235 --> 01:18:31.262
So you got to develop those.

01:18:31.342 --> 01:18:41.992
And again, rounding this out, if you don't allow coaches, parents, if you don't allow your kids to experience those emotions, they will not learn.

01:18:41.992 --> 01:18:53.860
If you don't allow them to navigate the pressure and you can be their guide, you can grab them by the hand and help them through this, or you can encourage them from behind and say you got this, walk through the pressure.

01:18:53.860 --> 01:19:02.729
If you're not doing that and you are shielding them from the pressure, you are not helping them, you're helping yourself.

01:19:02.729 --> 01:19:05.426
They need to learn how to deal with it.

01:19:05.426 --> 01:19:14.969
The greatest opportunity, the ROI on youth hockey is the life lessons they will learn.

01:19:16.140 --> 01:19:20.631
If your kid gets to play high school and beyond awesome, god bless them.

01:19:20.631 --> 01:19:21.833
It's wonderful.

01:19:21.833 --> 01:19:31.079
I'm not downplaying it, but we all have to play beer league at some point and the life lessons you learn, that's the ROI.

01:19:31.079 --> 01:19:45.882
I am so thankful for this game every day, for the lessons it's taught me, and a lot of them were painful, but I am at a point of gratitude with it now and I I we want that for all of you, right, mike?

01:19:45.882 --> 01:19:46.184
I mean that's.

01:19:46.184 --> 01:19:48.060
That's, at the end of the day, what we want you to experience.

01:19:48.060 --> 01:19:50.266
Not all fun, not all sunshine and rainbows.

01:19:50.266 --> 01:19:52.412
Life will hit you down if you let it.

01:20:00.561 --> 01:20:02.606
I'm not going to do the whole Rocky speech.

01:20:02.606 --> 01:20:05.713
The adversity is the key to creating great people, so I think it's great.

01:20:05.795 --> 01:20:06.796
It's all part of why we put kids in sports.

01:20:06.796 --> 01:20:07.398
I hope I agree, mike.

01:20:07.398 --> 01:20:07.880
I'm going to say it.

01:20:07.880 --> 01:20:09.123
I think this episode was a diamond.

01:20:09.123 --> 01:20:10.407
I think we talked about pressure and we made a diamond.

01:20:10.407 --> 01:20:12.421
I think that's what happened here today Perfect.

01:20:12.702 --> 01:20:18.845
Good question, not easy, I do want to say to everybody Good question, you know, not easy to answer, but fun to explore.

01:20:19.547 --> 01:20:22.524
It was, it was and again, we're just two schmucks discussing this right now.

01:20:22.524 --> 01:20:29.042
If you out there have any other opinions, thoughts, anything, email us team at ourkidsplayhockeycom or jump on Facebook.

01:20:29.042 --> 01:20:29.884
Hit our Facebook group.

01:20:29.884 --> 01:20:31.386
It's called our kids play hockey.

01:20:31.386 --> 01:20:32.970
That's pretty much where you have to look for us.

01:20:32.970 --> 01:20:37.020
But to continue the conversation, there's everything.

01:20:37.041 --> 01:20:39.689
Above all, mike and I want to thank you for your trust in listening to this episode.

01:20:39.689 --> 01:20:44.789
We acknowledge every day the community that we're building here and that that you know.

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It means a lot to us that we're allowed to come onto your speakers or your YouTube channel, if you're watching this, and us to just share some information that we've experienced along the way, because that's what we're trying to do is just share what we've learned to make a better hockey community for tomorrow.

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Remember, you're not crazy.

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The hockey community is crazy and we're glad that you're here with us.

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That's going to do it for this episode of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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Make sure to catch the next one.

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We'll see you next time.

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Have a great week, everybody.

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Take care.

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We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value, wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network or our website, ourkidsplayhockeycom.

01:21:23.813 --> 01:21:28.516
Also, make sure to check out our children's book when Hockey Stops at whenhockeystopscom.

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It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life.

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We're very proud of it.

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But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.