How To Prepare For Hockey Evaluations And Tryouts

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Evals are coming up, people. We all know they're coming up. Uh, and in this episode, we tackle evals, right? So uh it's just a fantastic episode. I learned a lot in this one. Uh we we have tack it from the coach's perspective in eval, the parent perspective in eval, and the the player's perspective in eval, and how you can prepare uh really before and after evaluations and tryouts, whatever you call them with your group, uh to be mentally ready, physically ready, and just to be in a better position to uh move forward in the hockey journey. So enjoy this episode. It's a big one, it's a great one. There's a lot of gold in this one. Uh, and as always, we just want to remind you if you haven't already subscribed to us on your podcast platform, please do that. Leave us those reviews. Those five-star reviews really do us a lot. Uh, feel free to join our Facebook group. It's a private group. You have to answer a couple yes or no questions to get in. Uh, Our Kids Play Hockey on Facebook. And of course, our website, ourkidsplayhockey.com, has got all of the episodes we've ever done. Um, and if you have a topic or an idea or a comment, we get a lot of emails at team at our kidsplayhockey.com. Uh, so so many different ways to get to us if you want. But above all, thank you so much for being an amazing audience. We go grow every single week. It's insane. Uh, but that just means that there's a community out there of parents and players and coaches that really believe in the stuff that we're talking about and discussing, and then you're part of that. So thanks so much. So without further ado, here is a great episode on evaluations, tryouts with Mike, Christy, and I on our kids play hockey. Enjoy. Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. I'm Leah Lias, joined by the full crew today. Christy Cassiana Burns off assignment, on assignment with us. We're happy to have her here. And Mike Benelli, always happy on a Monday morning mic here with us today on Our Kids Play Hockey. Today's topic, if there were if there was a big bass sound, the dun dun dun, we're we're talking about evaluations, tryouts, or whatever your organization calls them. Uh, we're gonna do an episode like this every year because every year our kids are moving to different situations. Um, we'll have another episode about moving up to different levels very soon, but today's is about the tryouts are coming up. And I remember last year we talked about this, and you both told me last year, you said, Yeah, things start to get a little weird this time of year. Yeah, right. So um, I've been very blessed in the sense that the last two teams that my son's been on have been really good groups of parents and uh really good groups of kids. So the weirdness right now, believe it or not, on my team, this is a blessing, is nobody wants to go. We're all talking about we want to stay together. Oh, I wish we could do a new team. I even joked today that you know, my son's moving from Mike to Squirt that we should make a new level called Sprite and just uh rename our team uh something different. But uh again, that's a good problem to have. The reality is most of you out there are probably experiencing the stress. Uh, you're probably wondering, oh man, what is my kid gonna do? What team are they gonna make? What are the other parents doing? What are my kids doing? What do I need to do? Um, so we're gonna talk about that today, right? We're gonna talk about the evaluation of the tryout itself, kind of how to prepare for it. Uh, we're gonna talk about the mindset going into it, uh, you know, maybe a little uh insight uh from Mike and I about how placement works from a coaching standpoint, which is tough to do because it's all over the board. Uh and then outcomes, you know, what happens after the tryout? Um, you know, how do you approach that into the summer, whether your kids are elated or disappointed or so forth and so on. So I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna toss it over to to you, Mike, just to get general thoughts on evaluations. Christy, you've been through it more than both all of us. So let's let's just start talking about it.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

At every level.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Yeah, you've been through it. Your daughter's gonna be graduating college. So Christ Christy is eclipsing, she has done the full gamut of youth hockey. Uh, and she will be in the Our Kids Play Hockey, uh, hockey hall of fame soon. Uh, you know, we'll lose the banner in a future episode. That's every how can you induct every hockey mom into the hall of fame? It's not a yeah, Mike, go ahead. Let's let's just jump into tryouts in general.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Yeah, I mean, uh if you're at this time of year where you've already gone to three ID skates and and three uh, you know, pre-tryout, tryout invitational skates. And you know, just understand that you know most of these uh unethical organizations are doing this illegally. If you're on USA hockey, it starts in, you know, I think it's uh I think it's new a rule of 24 hours after the national championship game starts at the end of the year. So I believe it's in April. And I've seen tryouts in March, mid-March. I've seen tryouts over the Christmas break already, the holiday break.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

So that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Um yeah, and if they're happening, I've seen them too.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah, and they're you know, again, that's that's USA hockey's problem and the governing body. I mean, it's it's uh when there's no teeth in in a rule, I don't understand why they have the rule, to be honest with you. But um, you know, so more power to the the organizations that can have tryouts and have evaluations and and grab kids early because you know you've learned how to beat the system, and I guess that's that's probably a great lesson to to teach all your your fans. So um sarcasm there, people on that note, yeah go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and steal kids. So I don't know, so evaluation. So I think there's so much to say about it in all sports, but I think for in particular in our case in ice hockey, you know, if you I I I I always I always put these kind of situations into two pools, the the compiler programs and developer programs. The compilers to my my world is you know the big tier one organizations that want it, you know, that that are national bound. They want they they they they haven't hadn't had an opportunity to see all the kids and they haven't had the opportunity to really recruit during the year. So they have a big open tryout, everyone comes, and then you you in in in re in theory, you're picking the best kids from that pool to play at a national bound exposure program, right? And then you have your other programs, which are your mom and pop, you know, board parent-run boards, small organizations. Maybe like if you see like in the evaluation of the tryouts, you have, I don't know, three, four new kids from a different program come in and try out, like, oh wow, who's that kid from? He has a different color helmet. Like, and and in my in my experience and and where I would recommend is on those teams, I don't even know why we do tryouts, to be honest with you. I I I think it's I think you know, you know, you you just mentioned it with your kids. Why is there no reason why a full mic team of eight you kids that are moving up to squirts can't stay together? Why, why do we reshuffle the deck every year? Why do we, you know, you know, kind of knock the apple card around and put all this undue stress and and decision making and uncertainty and all these other things, why do we do that? I I don't know why we do it. Um, it's wrong and and there's no reason for it. I mean, it's just if you want a healthier, stronger organization and stronger kids, um, you know, I just think you can pick those kids without having to go through it. Now, the opposite side, I understand I 100% agree, you know, I hear it all the time. Well, I want my kid to try out and they've got to learn how to fail, and they've got to, they've got, they've gotta have, you know, I want them to have the opportunity, you know, to see what's, you know, the best slide I love is to see what's out there, to see how they fit in with the rest of the teams. Well, uh here's a here's a news flash, right? If you aren't recruited to go to an elite team and you go to try out for the team, you're probably not making the team because the team's picked. So if you want to spend your $250 to go try out for a program you haven't been recruited to, you're probably not gonna get picked. And when you're pissed off that you didn't make the team, this is your warning right here. Just play the tape. I went to the tryout, not being recruited. I didn't make the team. It's all political, it's a bunch of crap. They didn't give my chance, they didn't give my kid a chance to be on the team. Just telling you right now, give send me your $250, I'll send you the note that you're not gonna make the team.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

It does happen. I know parents find that hard to believe.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

It not only does it happen, it's it's part of the process. Yeah, it's part of the it's part of the fundraising. They should really actually put that in there for most organizations. Like, our tryouts are our fundraiser.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

So come on. If you weren't recruited, you're not gonna make the team. Right. Email us and tell me that you did make a team. Like, I I want to find out the kid that came out of nowhere in an organization. Like, oh my god, where where's this kid come from? He's been playing in his backyard for three years, it doesn't happen. If you weren't recruited and you go to a tryout and you don't make the team, you didn't make the team because you weren't recruited.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Don't go to the tryout. Yeah, just saying it's a tough idea. Unless it's my tryout.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

That's a tough reality. But let's say your kid does get recruited, all right, and they're going for these trials, and maybe they're on the bubble. There are things you can do to help them get off that bubble and get picked. First of all, parents need to stay positive. Don't put that added pressure on them. Be up be, give them confidence, and instruct them that you know, it's not the the coach's job to pick you, it's your job to get picked. So have that kind of mentality going into it.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yeah, and you can get yourself cut, right? I mean, I I heard I saw Tim Kirk uh post something the other day that that if you're the kid that after the coach blows the whistle, you want to go wheel around the bottom of the rink and rip a shot off the top of the glass, the first thing that's gonna coach is gonna go ding, oh I can't have that kid. Like I think there's ways to get cut quicker. Oh, yeah. And I think you know, and I think that's there's a way you can you can present yourself if you're gonna be late getting on the ice. If you're if you're unprepared, if your stick breaks in the middle of tryouts and you you didn't have another stick or it's in the car, like little things like that. There's ways for you to get cut.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

I mean, there's some kids who don't even have to try out, let's be honest. I've seen that over the years. You know, one kid was vacationing in Florida, never went to tryouts, and he was already on the team because he was that good. And that happens too. Um, but if your kid is kind of on the fence, yeah, he's really he's gotta work for that position. He's gotta make every shift count.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

So let's dive into this. Let's let's dive into the coaching side of this because I know the listeners are gonna want to hear that. Um, and again, because I I know us, we're gonna go 12 different directions if we don't stay on the runway here, right? So let's talk about it from a coaching organizational how we pick kids' perspective. And you both made this point, and I want to say this to everybody listening. The tryout starts well before the tryout, all right, for you as parents and for the kid of how you are preparing for this. And I will get into that in a bit. But for right now, as Mike and Christy said, showing up on time, showing up with the right attitude, showing up prepared to play and to compete, right? All of these go into helping us as coaches make a decision. The talent is part of it too, obviously. I'm not negating that, but all these little things can make a difference. I remember um the Philadelphia Flyers, and again, I'm from Philly, anybody groaning out there, but I remember um they did like one of those 24 out, 24-7 type series or something internally. Um, and on the first day of training camp for the Flyers Training Camp, one of their top prospects showed up 10 minutes late. Um, it was kind of by no fault of his own. They put him to the AHL immediately. He did not get to even participate in any of the Flyers training camp. And to the kid's credit, he took accountability. He said, This is on me. And I'm gonna have to take a year with the Phantoms now because of this. Um, so even at the top levels, this is pretty strict. At the youth levels, you know, coaches do take personalities into play, right? No, no coach wants the kid that's crazy doesn't listen and is a problem at practice, if if if even if that kid is extremely talented, right? I and this is my me talking, right? Mike, you might have a different experience. So the tryout starts well before, and parents, it is my suggestion that you start to mentally prepare your kids for these tryouts. Do you do they thank the coaches? Do they thank the the the anybody volunteering to help? The pip when you walk in, the person at the front desk gladly taking your money. Do you thank that person? Right. I'm not I'm this has nothing to do with making the team. This is because it's the right thing to do. All right. You do this over the course of time, I think it pays off. Michael, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

You know, well, and you're setting and you're and you're setting the table, right? You're setting the table. So when you if you're if you're if you're make trying out for a team, let's say it's you're you're 13, 14, 15 years old, and there's a registration piece of it, then you do you, you walk in, mom and dad give you the folder. I mean, listen, I'm not asking the kids to be on the computer and filling out their applications and you know, knowing when their last tetanus shot was and stuff like that. And and by the way, none of the dads know. So just have mom do it, and because none of the dads know it anyway.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

So just that's quite true.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Like, I got it. Does my kid even have a tetanus shot? So just just go in. What I'm saying is when you go, but like I so I do the New York State tryouts, which is you know, the regional tryouts, and then and then and for the for the kids that are 14, 15, 16-year-olds, that when they make this team, they're gonna go, they have a chance to play for the Olympics, like they have a chance to play for the national team. And one of the things I'm impressed the most most about is when the kids walk in, mom and dad aren't there. And they have all their paperwork. They have, you know, some kids listen, and by the by the way, some kids they're all over the place. Yeah, and and and it's like, you know, I don't know where my paperwork is, I don't have the folder, I I oh I I don't know what number I am. But then there's kids that come in. Here you go, nice to meet you, Coach Benelli, shake your hand. You remember that. And I could guarantee, I could tell you right now, if there's there if the evaluation team and the coaching team are in this vicinity and they're one and the same, you're going, you're getting a plus.

unknown 15:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

You're getting the extra This is just one part.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

Like I read it. This is just one part. We're not guaranteeing anybody's making any teams on this.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

One part, but but when but to Chrissy's point, when you're the bubble kid, the kid that showed up that didn't remember the number you gave them is not as valuable to you as the kid that came in and had all his his ducks in a row. Right. And that's just and again, I'm not asking you to be a butt kisser here, but be prepared.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Like you're going for a job interview.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

In a lot of ways you are. I gotta pick you and and and and you gotta play with me for the next you know eight months. I I I I need I need to know that you know I got some kids that that are a little self-sufficient. Now, if you're if you're six or seven, it's it's it is different, but if you're the kid that's wheeling in and running around and it it it just it sets the wrong tone.

SPEAKER_03 16:09

Yeah, let's let's talk about let's talk about six, seven, eight, nine real quick. Because I think, you know, as a parent of kids that age, I find myself sometimes like, I'm just gonna do this because it's easier if I just do it. And I've had to stop myself, be like, no, you've got it, you've got it. Logan, my son, come. I want you to watch how I filled this form out. I want you to say hello to this person. I want you to we talked about this last meek, we last week, Mike. There's a contract here that you have to sign. So while it's faster and I'm excited to be there, I I have as a parent, I feel like I need to bring you along and you need to watch this if you can't do it, at least participate in me doing it.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Let them develop those skills. And it's so good, good, good, good. I'm loving this. You are learning so much from us. You are coming along, my friend.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Listen, I've been I've been equipped with this great arsenal uh because of you guys. You know, and I'll I'll get into that in a minute a minute, but you know, I I want to tell you guys a story about this, and then and then we'll kind of move on to the on-ice portion of tryouts. Um, Mike, you had said before about elite tryouts and being on the team. So I was uh I was a very um nervous isn't the right word, but uh I remember I remember going to college. I was on the team. I had already made the team and still throwing up before tryouts. I was I was so nervous about the tryout. Um, and I don't mind admitting that to everybody, right? Uh so two parts here. One, you know, I made the team, no problem. But I was just I was just like plagued with what if I don't make the team, you know, that that that's who I was at that time, right? Because the game meant and means so much to me. Um, now with that said, I'm so thankful for that experience because Christy, you just said this. When I got to real job interviews in Manhattan, you know, at the NHL, at and I'm I'm name dropping on purpose, Madison Square Garden. Like these are big places. I was fine. Like, because I had I had already been through this in my life. Um, and that's the point I'm trying to make. As an 18-year-old freshman, I was really learning these skills for job interviews, and I got a lot of these jobs again. Not I'm not bragging, friends. I'm just saying that the sport prepared me probably better to go into those interviews. So there is a real life aspect to this.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

And that's what I love about this sport because there are so many opportunities that your kids get to mature, and they're gonna pay dividends later in their life. I see it with my own grown-up kids now. And I know some of their success, of course, their personality and their hard work, obviously, but a lot of it came from those opportunities in hockey where they had to step up and do things on their own and approve themselves.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

It is a vehicle for your kids' growth as a human being. And I think actually, tryouts and evaluations are one of the greatest moments of the season or opportunities of the season to teach these. So let's just talk about now the on-ice stuff. Um, I want to do this from a coaching standpoint first, and then as a player's standpoint, because parents, I really want to equip you and your kids with some some mental fitness tips on how to just just do great on the ice, uh, regardless of where their placement is. But Mike, I got, I gotta, I'm I'm actually excited to talk about this. We talk about this during the games that parents only watch their own kid. And that's that's mostly true. I don't know. At tryouts, yeah, yeah. At tryouts, we are not watching your kid the entire tryout. In fact, uh, depending on the level, you're probably getting 15 seconds to 60 seconds of a look. Again, depending on the level, depending on how many kids are trying out, um, at a time. That's what I'll say, right? So, unless you see uh, you know, 50 evaluators, um, there's a good chance that the coaching staffs are not able to watch your kid the entire time. Now, there is a tactic for players with this, but Mike, I want to talk about this as a coach. Christy, is your experience as a parent that when we're evaluating, you know, depending on the drill, like you get your few seconds and then we got to move on to the next kid.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

I I mean, just from an evaluation standpoint, you know, if you're if you're a parent, right, and you you see your the evaluators there and and the team's not pre-picked already, if it's uh you know, a true evaluation. And again, I I've worked with some pretty good coaches that are really good evaluators. And I think, you know, what I try to do, I know my strategy, and one of the things I try to get other coaches to understand is that you can't you can't just focus on the one kid and watch him go through like the drills or or in in a lot of cases as the kids get older, it's usually a scrimmage or it's game. You know, they don't they don't do a lot of cone drills because again, you can you can you can look great in a cone drill and not know how to play hockey, uh and and you know, vice versa. I mean, so it's just it's just one of those things where you're like, well, I want to know if you can play. And so what I try to do is, and and I think this is what a a lot of evaluators do. You know, you you knock off the top and you knock off the bottom. Like right away, you just say, okay, here's here's my five best players. This is my I'm I've identified who the best kid on the ice looks like he is or she is, and then I'm gonna now rate everyone compared to that player. Like, so to me, it's like, okay, that's the best player, best two players, best three players. Everybody else now is on that barometer. And then I take, and then I can look right away. I mean, at especially at the lower levels, you can tell right away, like, okay, these 10 kids shouldn't even be out here. And I well, based off of the We know what you mean.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Yeah, they're still based off the evaluation.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

They should be somewhere, but not here, right? Or or they've been or they've been misinformed about maybe what level this team might be. So then you're just like, boom, boom, okay, you know, those are my kids. I don't even I'm probably not even gonna look at again. I'm that sure that they're not in the mix. And then there's Christy's group, right? That's that's she's talking about all the bubble kids, and the bubble kids might only get two minutes of total view time, right? So it could be they slammed the door on the bench because they didn't get enough ice time. It could be they fell down on a breakaway once, right? It could be they were doing a pivot drill and they fell. And then the the bot and then you saw the body language and the nervousness and the you know the fact that they didn't weren't confident, or you saw a kid fall get up and say the hell with it, you know, I don't care about that. Like, or you know, so now you're looking at all the bubble kids, and then then that's the hardest part of the game. That's the hardest part of evaluating is is finding what difference. And this is really what goes back to why I hate two or three-day evaluations, right? Because I just don't I if if I ask you, Lee, I want you to list your 15 kids from the 23 weeks you know them, and then I'm gonna list my uh 15 kids on the three days I know them, you're even if you're a bad evaluator, yeah, but have a better is gonna have a better view of who the kid is than me. And you're gonna have a lot more perspective, right? You're gonna say, Oh yeah, Mike, he looks good there, but you know, he didn't hasn't passed the puck in three years. Or, you know, or or so practice, kid.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

He's not a good, he doesn't or he's just not a good teammate, he's not a really good teammate, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:55

And I don't know that. I don't, I mean, I can see him, and I'm like, so if I'm so it all depends on, you know, and this is kind of goes back to our our original podcast, right? If you're parents, beware. If you're going to a team, know the evaluation process, know the trial process. Are you picking the best 15 kids top to bottom, or are you picking a team? That's very important. If I'm picking a team, I might Not pick the best 15 kids top to bottom.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Well, this is right back to miracle, right? That quota is I'm not looking for the best players, Craig. I'm looking for the right ones.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Well, and this guy, and that and that that guy, what's his name? He seemed pretty right. I mean, he seemed like he knew what he was doing at the time, right? I mean, and we and we've all and all of us have modeled after this because it is a team game, which is the beauty of it. I I don't if it was if it wasn't, you would just everything would be a skill time drill. Yes, you would put the kids through it and say, Oh, there's there's there's my metrics, put them on the team.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Mike, I'm I'm willing to bet, Christy, you too. I'm willing to bet most of us listening to this show have been on uh a team as a player parent where it was the most talented 15 kids and the season was miserable. Yeah, absolutely. And if it wasn't miserable, it's because they were great kids, right? And they all got together and they were well coached. So again, look, this is a bit of a lottery is not the right word, uh, but it is a bit of an up the chance. Things happen during the season, kids go through stuff like anybody else. But Mike, you're making a great point, you know, the the things that evaluators look for. Um, like I remember doing a tryout of okay, what's the skating uh aptitude of some of these kids, right? Because if you can't skate, right, and again, you might say, well, he's got great vision, she's got great vision, right? But if your kid can't skate, that's inappropriate development for me to put them on the top team without that skill set. And I need to put them where they're gonna develop correctly. Now, parents also listening, there are bad evaluators and there are bad evaluations, and there are bad people that pick bad teams. This happens out there, right? I'm gonna say if you're doing this at the right level, you're gonna be looking to place the kid. This is the kid, Christy. I definitely want to get to your list. You want to place the kid in Daryl Belfry said this on her show too, where that kid will develop appropriately. Yeah, all right. It is not about the A team or the triple A team or the B team. It's where will your kid develop appropriately? That is what is most important. And again, look, parents, when your kid doesn't make the top team, it hurts. It can hurt, even when you think it doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

It stings, it stings terribly, all right.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

But but you got to be realistic. I'm telling you, some of the best seasons I've ever had, both as a player, but also as a teammate, where yours, I didn't make the team I wanted to make. Right? So you just just you never know how those cards are gonna lie. But Mike, those were some fantastic points just about how we look. And again, parents, I will dive into how to mentally and physically prepare your kids for those situations because I'm sure some of you are going, if they only get 20 seconds, how am I supposed to prepare for that? There's a way. All right, and I'll explain it to you. But Christy, we need to go to my kids play hockey. Oh, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

All right, so here's a list that uh I put together interviewing a bunch of coaches about evaluations. And again, it's you need to let your kid know it is your job to make the team. That is your job. Try your hardest. Here's what you can do: fly, uh, play fast, keep your feet moving, play with energy, be strong in traffic, and also along the wall. What do you think about that, Mike?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Yeah, you can't like so so all of us want tough kids, right? That aren't gonna shy away from physicality, even at eight years old. I mean, we want kids that are gonna battle, right? So knowing, you know, how to how to position yourself on the wall. You know, I don't know about skating fast all the time. Sometimes, you know, fast at the right times, right? And you don't have to just hustle to get nowhere. But if you're if you're fast and you know how to delay and you know how to play, like all those kinds of things are gonna look great. If you're a disher and and somebody that's a good teammate, that goes such a long way. Only because you get to see the a player being unselfish. I mean, I think there's sometimes when a parent would say, listen, just go out, don't pass to anyone, score as many goals as possible. That's a mistake. And and and get and I I guess, you know, in a in a I joke around a little bit. We used to have this in lacrosse all the time, like the like I used to make the kids do the two-pass rule, right? And the parents are like, well, you know, I oh, you gotta you, why are you making us pass? I go, because at some point the the player's not gonna be able to just go from the goal line to goal line and score. And if they can, trust me, I will let them. If they can do it and never pass to anyone and win a game eight to six, yeah, I don't know. I'm probably letting the kid do it.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

But I love that two pass rolling across when my daughter played. That was fantastic. It just helps to learn how to pass.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Well, and learn and learn that the fact that there's other people on the field and you've got to get your head up. So no, so that coach, I mean, so far, so far, so good. I like those, I like those recommendations for sure.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

All right, win the little battles with every one-on-one battle all over the ice, have a constant work ethic in every drill, every shift. Get loose pucks first, play with an edge, be hard to play against, take it personally and never give up.

unknown 28:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

And then we want that all for all our kids when you see him out there, like, man, he just he's just a dog on a bone. Like that player, that player just doesn't want to give up. He wants to compete. And and they know they're not overcompeting, right? The the shift's over, get off the ice. Or the battle's over, get off the ice. What I love, I actually love watching players that battle hard and beat up the other kid pretty good, you know, off the puck. And then after that, they give him a little tap on the rear saying, hey, that was a good battle. Nice job. Like that's making me better. Like that's making me better. And I would I would say that too. If you're if you're going against teammates that on the same team, don't lay off that kid. That's not helping the other kid. Like, don't be like, oh, you know, he's my teammate all year. Right. Like you because because that just you know manifests itself later on. Just battle and then say, hey, that was a great battle. Next time you'll get me.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Parents, listen to this. This is good stuff. Uh, play off the puck. Research shows the best players in the world only possess the puck for about a minute in a 60-second game. So what are you doing when you don't have the puck? Support the play on both offense and defense, stay engaged and make a difference.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

Great evaluators will look for that. I can't guarantee you that all evaluators will look for that, but great evaluators are looking at the kids without the puck to see what you're doing. I I Mike, I'll throw it back to you, but I can tell you that right now.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I I think, and I think that's just to I just want to get this in there that there aren't very there aren't many good evaluators. So just understand that, that, that, that, that you're, you're asking, you're asking a group of volunteers basically all of us, right, in all these organizations are volunteer people that aren't evaluators. They just don't know how to look for talent. So to Christy's point and all these little points, do the lowest common denominator for the person that's just looking at the game. You work hard, you don't give up, you battle, you position yourself in the right places. Like I'm looking for, oh, I don't, you know, I don't like the way that kid pivots to his left and he's a he's a left defenseman. He's not he's gonna really struggle later on. Like I'm looking at all these little nuances, but most people that are evaluating the kids are not evaluators. So they're just saying they don't know if your stick's positioned correctly. They don't know if you're taking ice. They don't did the kid score or did he stop the goal? That's it, right? I think I think that's so to your point, Christy, all those little things really go towards the non-evaluator, the person who doesn't really know what to look for, but which is the majority, don't you? Which is the majority, and that's not a knock on anyone, it's just that's what it is. And it's the eye test. It's like, okay, I'm looking at it and I can see it. Like the same thing, like I we I have a good friend, well, our friend Pete Whitney, right? Who's a you know, an arborist, and he knows like he can look at a at a at a setup in in in the yard and go, nope, good, yes, no, that shouldn't be there, that shouldn't be there, this shouldn't be there. I'm like, I'm I'm reading the the you know garden dummies. You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know. So look, you when there's experts, there's experts. When there's not the common denominator for a non-expert eye in hockey, work hard, don't give up, be in good position, be a good teammate.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Right. And and for those of you that garden out there, remember do not put tomatoes next to any other vegetable. They'll strangle them and they'll be dead very quickly.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

And that was literally good proof. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

It is true. Yeah, yeah. No, I I learned that last year when we started.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

Should have called Coach Whitney.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

I should have. He would have told me not to let the tomatoes strangle the cucumber. I'm sure there's a metaphor for hope.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

One more pointy, even though we've gone over this, it's so important. Let's talk about again character matters. Uh, be a positive team player, make your teammate better players, be willing to accept a role. The third line center that won't be happy unless she or he is on the first power play unit probably gets cut. Carry your own bag and sticks, even if your parent offers to carry them, say please, say thank you. When you get, you know, a drink from the snack bar after practice. Do the right thing even when you think no one is looking. I love that. Do the right thing even when you think no one is looking.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

Oh, that's that's that's character, 100%. That's definition. Definition.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

I've had teams who've won championships with players that were less talented, but I've never won a championship with a team that lacked character.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

Right. And I love that the little, the little, those are the little things, right? When we had Daryl Belfry on and in his and in his own book, you know, he talked about his daughter and how he would make her go to these uh tournaments, you know, uh blind. Like just the the only kid on the team that she knew was her. And and and come out of the tournament weekend or come out of the locker room knowing three people or you know, engaging with somebody. So this is you know, my advice to players all the time is like if you're new to a team, get in there, be engaged, introduce yourself, be positive. Because guess what? The best players on the team are gonna are gonna are gonna be asked, hey, what do you think about the Benelli kid? What would you what do you think about him? And oh, coach, that kid, he's a real positive kid. He was in the locker room, he said hello to everyone. Like, not sitting in the corner, you know, looking at your phone and then you know, going out in the ice and keep looking at your dad. It's like go in there, be engaged, be friendly. It's like the same, you know, it's it's it's it's it's a it's a just a common, you know, human characteristic. If you if you come in smiling, people are gonna smile. And if you come in positive, people are gonna think you're a positive person. And so come in, say hello, be engaging, get on the ice. You're gonna be more likely to be the kid that they want to be on the ice with. They want to because you'll see if you're watching that's one thing about an evaluator, too. You'll see you watch for kids that not bullying, not not being overly aggressive, but being confident, like they want to get on the ice next. They'll be the first kid that, you know, when you do, when you do the scrimmaging and the kids rotate and they get off the ice, you know, and then the line moves down and the next four kids or the next five kids go on, they'll be the kid that's always trying to cut the line. They're gonna be the kid that's always wants to be out there again and get on the ice again. Not because they're, you know, uh a jack, you know, not because they're not nice, but because they want to they want to be. We look for that.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

We look for that for the game that they love. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

And if you're kid the kid that hides in the corner and and doesn't like gets in the back of the line or never like lets lets other kids get in front of you, like I I can't tell you how many times I've had parents email me the whole tryout, so and so kept getting cut in line, and so-and-so, you know, wouldn't get on, they wouldn't let him on the ice with the other kids. You know, you've got to do something about that. I'm like, no, no, you need to do something about that. Your player has to advocate for themselves. Now, again, I'm not saying a six-year-old, but if you're 12, 13, 14 years old, not have a don't have a fight on the bench, be aggressive, beach each other. There, be you know, be be there and be and and just be noticed.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

You know, I I also want to mention here just bullying, because we're kind of alluding to that. Because I I know there are some, I mean I've talked to them parents who say, you know, my kid's really nice, but he gets bullied or she gets bullied by the other the other players. Uh, yeah, it's part of life. Uh, it sucks. I'm not gonna lie to you. I mean, I I was bullied a lot when I was a little kid, um, didn't like it. But, you know, look, it's a tool. All right. I think first off, kids that bully that says a lot more about them than your own kid. Um, that's number one. And number two is that you can teach them the self-esteem and the confidence of if you are getting bullied, that bully does not define you. How you respond to it defines you. And again, look, that's tough when you're 10. It's tough when you're 12. All right. It's tough at any point. But the life lesson, the long-term adversity you're gonna learn from that is important because as Mike just alluded to, when you get to the higher levels, and I mean the the um more competitive levels, and this could be um, you know, from really pee-wee up, but I you know, I'm thinking higher level than that. But they all compete. And like Mike said, there's a there's kind of a fine line between bullying and competing, right? I wanted players as I got older that were gonna push me to do better and better and better. And it again, from a layman terms, you might look at and say, Well, that guy's being really hard on you. That guy's pushing me. All right, and he wants me to be the best for the team. You're gonna want that as you get older, but the only way to be able to have the thick skin with that is to kind of deal with this stuff when you're younger, right? So pointing the fingers, I'm gonna kind of transition here a little bit too, but pointing the fingers, you got to take accountability uh and author your own story with this stuff. And that's the message we really need to teach our kids, right? Is that no one's gonna protect you out there, all right? You gotta you gotta figure this out. Uh, if someone's cutting you in line, well, get back in front. All right. Or say, no, you know, I'm I'm here. It's not the coach's job to protect your son or daughter from not getting cut in line, right? First off, is that what you want the evaluator watching?

unknown 36:46

Right?

SPEAKER_03 36:47

You guys are what you want the coach watching or the skill? Um, real so, real quick, by the way, Christy's tips are great. Uh, if you haven't already grabbed her book after two years of the show, My Kids Play Hockey, make sure you go check that out. Um, it's available wherever books are sold. It's fantastic. Um, all three of us have a copy. No, I appreciate that. Anything with her name on it, you should pick up. She is she is you want to talk about hockey mom hall of fame, you know, you'd probably the charitable name for that.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Um, but yeah, but let's also talk about when once you do make the team, um, you gotta set your kids, especially if they were the bubble kids again. Um, you gotta prepare them that the work has only just begun.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

All right. So you made the team, uh, you got to roll up your sleeves, you gotta work hard. And now that you're in that upper echelon of teams, you also be you have to have some some armor too. Uh because if you're not performing, you're gonna sit. Uh and it's not everybody gets a turn, you know? Yeah, if the coach doesn't think you're up to that level, you're gonna be on the bench. And you need to prepare your kid for that too. It's it's not the same as a house team. Everyone doesn't get a turn here. If you want to be a part of this team, if you want to play with this team, you also need to be prepared. There could be some hurtful times if you're not up to what the coach believes is the standard for that team. And that can be tough. And you're hard on the parents not to see your kid play. It can be the kid can get miserable too. So make sure they're ready for that. Like, are you okay with sitting on the bench?

SPEAKER_03 38:27

You know, right, right. You know what I mean? You got to set these clear expectations and standards. And you know, I want I do want to talk about the mindset of going into a tryout parents for you and your kids because Christy's right, these outcomes happen. You might not even be thinking about that part of it, right? There's a few things that I want to put out there. Um, because again, I was a very I was very anxious about tryouts when I was a kid. I just, you know, I wanted to make it so bad that that you know I could lose sight on, you know, what I needed to do to prepare, right? It was just, oh, what if I don't make it? What if I don't make it? These are normal thoughts for a kid. What if I don't make it? Am I good enough? What does it mean if I don't make it? What if my friends all make it and I don't make it? These are absolutely normal thoughts for for kids. They're big stressors. They're massive. Well, look, look, look, you got to put yourself in the kids' point of view. If your kids obsessed with hockey, this is their universe. This is they probably we talked about this a lot, but how are they not supposed to define themselves by this a little bit, right? This is their whole universe, all right. Um, you know, as you get older and you work and you have kids and you see the world, things change. But when you're 12, this is everything to you.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

It is everything.

SPEAKER_03 39:35

So, so how do you prepare your kid for that? Now, parents, this is this is where my I'm gonna kind of use my mental fitness training and my what I do for a living. Um, first and foremost, it's very important, and your kid may not react to this. It's very important that you express to your child that whatever team you're on, I am not valuing you based on the team that you make. This is whether you make the AAA all-star team or you make the C team. It doesn't matter. Anything in between. I don't value you based on that. You've gotta tell your kids that. All right. You're you're first off, if you don't, you're setting yourself up for some tough times in the future. And your kid, okay? Not just you. That's number one. Number two is if you want to relieve the stress, I think it's so important that your kid knows that no matter what happens at the end of the day, I've got a safe place to go back to my family, and that my mom and my dad aren't gonna be embarrassed that I didn't make the team. All right. And there's a lot of ways this manifests itself without you realizing it. One, you don't just say that to them. That's the easiest way. It's just mentioning, I love watching you play. I, you know, no matter what team you're on, I'm gonna love you when you come home. Just do your best. Make sure you're saying that. Number two, parents, your reaction to the to the tryout, to the team, they take that in. All right. I have seen it and I've heard it. You're driving home, it is BS. You didn't make that team. That kid doesn't deserve to be on that. You deserve to be. I can't believe that the way they did this all wrong. You are teaching your kid the the wrong thing in that moment, even if you're right, you're teaching the kid the wrong thing. You need to teach them accountability in that moment because that's how life is. Yeah. When they're 21, 22, you know what this turns into? You deserve that job. Those other people, that kid, that kid's that person's cousin, and that's why he got the job. It's it's not gonna solve the problem. It is does that happen? Happens every day, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:39

All right, tough lessons, tough lessons at a young age. But uh, yeah, you're right, it'll it'll prepare him for life. And you know, here's the thing about life there are a lot of disappointments, you don't always get what you want, right?

SPEAKER_03 41:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Um, and sometimes that's for the best. It can end up being a blessing in disguise, which you don't see at the time.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

Well, Christy, I'll give you just a really great example. All right, I remember my second year of bantam uh did not make the team I wanted to make. All of the kids on the team made the team but me. Like this is one of those situations. And I was I was in the car on the way home. Oh, it hurt. It hurt bad. I remember this. By the way, I'm so thankful that this happened now. And I'll tell you why. I remember being in the car on the ride home, like with my head kind of on the seatbelt looking out the window, because I didn't want my dad to see me so upset. And I realized now a few things. One, he was just as upset as I was, right? He was hurting too. And it's funny because he said to me, You never know how this is gonna play out. You know, maybe this is be for the best. And I remember saying, like, you don't get it, this hurts so bad. I was a teenager, right? But here's the thing, parents. I remembered that he said that. Like that, I didn't react to it, but I he I heard it. Right? This is also a key to marriage, right? I heard him, and the thing is that stayed with me. I never acknowledged it until later on in my life, right? So you never know when what you're saying is gonna get through them. It's and and and again, this is kind of funny because it's just like tryouts, Mike, right? You never know when they're watching you on the ice, so you gotta kind of do it all the time. We'll get we'll get into that too. As a player, you gotta be going the whole the whole tryout because you never know when that 20, 60 second time period is gonna be. But, parents, the messaging you give your kids is incredibly important. You got to check yourself, even in your own disappointment. We are not accountable enough right now as a society. I'm saying that whether you know you can agree or disagree with me, and we are not teaching our kids to be accountable in the face of adversity. It is not fair. Nothing in this game tends to be fair. Every ref call is wrong, every goal against is wrong, every mistake. Nothing about the game has ever been fair. So we shouldn't expect it to be fair at evals either, to a point. What you can do that's fair is give your kid the best chance from a mental standpoint to deal with this adversity, even if it's gonna last the whole season.

SPEAKER_02 44:06

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 44:06

So again, I'm I'm on a soapbox right now. I just I really believe in this. All right. The messaging you give them, I I I'm gonna say it one more time. Uh, I love watching you play. No matter what happens at this tryout, I'm gonna love you when you come home, right? Don't be embarrassed to say that to your kid. You feel it. If you listen to the show, I know you feel it. After the trial, like Christy said, oh man, it didn't go the way we wanted. What are we going to do about it?

SPEAKER_01 44:29

Exactly. All right, are we going to try? There are always other options. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:34

Do you want to go somewhere else?

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Right. I've shared this story with you guys before. Sophia, I think she was 12. She got caught from a double A, triple A team, uh, went to a house team. She got very creative, lots of ice time, um, really developed her shot and her stick handling. Then when she tried out for the another triple A team, she made it. She was ready. She matured on the ice, she matured as a player, she developed her skills. You know, now she's playing college hockey. So, you know, it the best thing for her was to get cut from that team because chances are she would have sat on the bench a lot.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Made her hungry. Made her hungry.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Made her hungry. And she actually got a lot more ice time and was able to develop her skills. Where I think if she was on that triple A team at age 12 or 13, she uh she may not have developed as as uh as proficiently as she did. So, you know, things happen for a reason. And uh you know, yeah, it could be uh a gift that you're just handed. You don't even you don't see it at the moment.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

Christy, I'll tell you this too, is one of the things you can't put in a kid. This is as a coach, I'm talking as parents, you play a role in this, but you can't put the drive into them, right? Right. And and sometimes that drive shows itself the best after getting cut. All right.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

And I think it's yeah, it can go one of two ways. They say, okay, I'm done with this. This is not the sport for me. I'm going in a totally direction, different direction, or it might make them happy and say, I'm gonna make that team next year. I'm gonna work so hard, I'm going to the gym, I'm gonna get a personal trainer, and I'm gonna make that team next year.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

Again, from a messaging standpoint, what is more conducive to create that drive or to it to it to to bring that drive out of a kid? Is it this organization sucks and they don't know what they're doing? But your kid's just gonna agree with you. It's not gonna create anything. Or, you know, I think we got a bad, a bad uh uh showing here, but what are we gonna do to get better? What can we do so that there's no doubt next year? I the these messages are so important, and this but it was so beyond hockey, by the way. This could go with anything that your kid's doing. So true. Um, Mike, I see you smiling over there. I know I want to get your thoughts on this too.

SPEAKER_00 46:51

No, it's my it's my favorite comment after a tryout of a team that you want to make, is that the team stinks and they don't know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

I thought I said, well, I knew what I was doing prior to you coming, and all of a sudden now I don't know what I'm doing. So it's just it's just, but it again, that's the human condition, and that's the you know, that's just doing your research. I don't, you know, I don't know what at what age, depending on your own kid, you know, and their and their maturity level and their ability to take this kind of stuff in, is when do you want to um you know avoid those conflicts or uh or make sure they're in the forefront. Like, listen, there's some kids that you maybe you need to go and try out for a team you know they're not gonna make, just to just to rein them in a little bit, right? And and just to show them like, listen, you say you want to do this, but this is another level. Right here. This is uh this is you know, again, I don't know if you gotta do that with a five-year-old, but you know, I don't know if they're gonna get anything out of that. But there are certain teams you can say, listen, I'm all for you trying out. Just understand, I'm just gonna, you know, you're gonna lay it on the table that maybe you're not gonna be good enough here, but at least you can rate your you know your own barometer if the kid can handle that. If they can't, then why do it? Like if they can't, if they if you if you and your child can't handle the failure, then don't do it. Like wait, wait till they can and then equip them properly.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

Look, I I want to reiterate this too.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

And actually, that hurt if they can't handle it.

SPEAKER_03 48:15

You know, I don't like uh admitting this, what I'm about to say, believe it or not. That's always hard for me to say, but I still say it because I think it's important. Uh I started playing hockey when I was 12. I played on B teams until my second year of midget. Okay. And then I was all of a sudden on triple A teams. You never know how this road is gonna place itself. That I needed to be on those B teams to learn the game. And once things started to click after whatever, four or five seasons, suddenly I was in an upper echelon of players. I'm not bragging at all, right? I was disappointed most seasons after tryouts because I didn't make the team I wanted to make, but that was the right progression for me at the time and how my parents and I approached it of I I wanted to work, I wanted to put the time in. That was me. All right. I again I'm I'm trying to use my own experience. I hope this isn't coming across as egotistical. It's not the purpose of me telling you. All right. I actually I don't think telling you I made mostly B teams is egotistical. But the point I'm trying to make is this you how you respond to where you're at is infinitely more important than where you're at. All right. And and again, Mike, you said this earlier. Um, I I wanted to, you just said it again is that if you're gonna go to a tryout to see where you're at, you better have some pretty realistic expectations about it. I I don't think there's any problem with with bringing a kid if they want, and you guys agree on it, to a tryout. You know you're probably not gonna make the team just to see where you're at, as long as you have very clear understanding of like, I just want to see where I'm at, right? I don't think there's anything wrong with that if you want to pay for that. Now, again, as Mike said, if you go there, you need to make the team, give me a break. You know what I mean? Like, you got to be realistic about that too. Another thing I want to talk about, I wrote this down, is is cuts. Right. Now, I do think at the at the uh might, Adam Mighton squirt levels, every kid should have an opportunity to play somewhere, somewhere. All right. But as you move up, I I am not against cuts. I think cuts are important, I think it's an important life lesson. All right. I I I think that when you don't cut kids and you have 17 teams, I I don't know what that does, right? Us if you're trying to be a higher echelon organization, right? So the reason I'm bringing this up is I think parents cuts are part of it. And we got to tell our kids that you might get cut. How are you gonna mentally prepare for that? How are you gonna deal with that? Again, those are the types of questions. You know, I don't know. Oh, well, how do you think it'll feel if you get cut? I don't, we don't have these discussions, right? How do you think it'll feel if you make the team? Right? These are the types of discussions we need to have. Mindset is so important to the success of your kid, having that self-esteem and understanding. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't, right? That that is that is life. You you gotta use the game as that vehicle for growth. And parents, it's gonna hurt you. It will hurt you when they hurt.

SPEAKER_01 50:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:00

All right. Sorry, go ahead, Christy.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

No, no, and and even as they get older, even when they're searching for colleges, you know, there was uh a college that was recruiting Sophia, and she was all set to go there. And then she got a call from the coach and said, Oh, we had a bunch of division one players with the school closed and we're taking them instead of you. You know, uh, here we go again. But you know what? She's able to rebound because she had that those life experiences earlier of not making a team and knowing that you know what, maybe that wasn't meant to be. Something better is gonna come along. She was a very positive person, and it did.

SPEAKER_02 51:41

So, you know, I wonder if she gets that from.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

Yeah, but that's but those are the things like that, those are the reactions you have to have. You can't be the reaction when the kid doesn't make a 12U team, and the and the next thing out of your mouth is, you know, you're gonna hear from my lawyers, and we're suing you right for for and it I mean, and it happens all the time. It's amazing. And then like I'm like, you want to put your child on a team that doesn't want them? Like, it doesn't make sense to me. Like, where in what reality are you in that you think that's gonna be a positive experience for that kid? What have you talked about? The lawyer I mean again, maybe and maybe you get uh listen, and maybe you get on the team, you end up being you win the you win the goal that that that wins them a championship. I I maybe, but I don't know why I just never have gotten the and maybe it's just the way I was brought up and and the and the circumstances of my life that I don't understand why you would want a demand to be on a team that didn't want you to be on the team. Like to me, it's like, well, what are you getting out of that? Like, why don't you go to the team that really actually wants you? That's ego. Like, and uh, you know, so it was funny. There's there's a uh we're I'm gonna we're I'm gonna post it when this when this episode posts, I'm gonna I'm gonna send the the all uh Ohio State uh information out. There's a kid in Ohio State, cut from everything, cut from his high school team, cut from his culver academy team, sat in the you know, sat in the stands doing the video camera, never got to play. And all of a sudden, you know, 17, 18 years old. The only team that was recruiting him heavy gets him, Ohio State. The kids are the kids unbelievable. It gets drafted by the Bruins. This kid at 12, 13, 14, 15 didn't play like real hockey, like didn't play, didn't even make his high school team, didn't make his JV team. I mean, like, think about that. And that happens all the time. I mean, it's a it's it's a sad state of affairs. We only see those short stories. But my point is, imagine if he just said, I'm I'm going to the school, it doesn't want me and then gets cut.

unknown 53:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 53:38

Or then stays there. And we see it in the par in the, you know, older parents will understand that the and and Christy obviously understands it is the is the is the NCAA portal. Is that now you go to a team that didn't want you in the first place, you kind of forced yourself thinking I was going to go there and make a change, and now you're in the portal because you're miserable because you haven't played in the game in two years. So uh just be, you know, the grass is not always greener. Be careful what you wish for, yeah, and understand. Do your research, go in, prepare your kids, talk to the coaches, talk to the parents, and and and just and compete. Listen, competing uh uh oversteps a lot, right? If you can get your kids to compete, I I I if if me as a coach, I'm like that kid, I'll I'll make I'm gonna I'll do something with this kid. This kid can was will compete for me. That's who I want.

SPEAKER_03 54:27

I want to talk to that as our final topic here, um, as I've been alluding to the whole episode, and we've kind of talked about it throughout the episode is that that on ice portion of the evaluation is is you know, parents you let go, they're on the ice and they're on their own, right? So, so what what are the things that they should know, right? Um, the first thing I'll say is we said before, your kid's gonna get a 60-second look at some point, most likely during the tryout. You don't know when that's gonna come. So, naturally, the entire tryout, you must work your hardest. That is one of the one of the uh things I like to say to the kids I coach, to the kids I uh my kids, right? You just do the best you can until the whistle is blown at the end. And by the best you can, I don't mean you kill yourself out there in terms of just going nuts. Just work as hard as you can in a controlled way, right? Uh, you know, is it about budging in the front? No, but you tell your kids make sure you get back in line, make sure that you look like you want to be there. Um, here's a common mistake get to the front of the line. Good, get to the front of the line on every drill. You know what, man? I'll tell you what. I've told myself, you know, I'm gonna be like third in line so I can watch the kid first screw it up so then I know what to do. All right. You know, and again, there's nothing if you know the drill and you want to be first, yes, absolutely be first. But nothing wrong with being third and watching and understanding and learning. I'm a visual person. I wanted to see the drill done a couple times before I went. All right. Um, I I noticed kids in the front. I can't tell you I've ever picked a kid because he was always first in line, unless he knew what he was doing, right? It wasn't because he was first. In fact, most of the time, coaches will say you go first because you know what we're doing, right? Uh, that's number two. No, number three, uh, Mike, you said Christy, you said it too. Just a good attitude, right? Some kids can be bullyish. Yeah, you know what? You're not there for the other kids, you're there for you, right? And to work hard, you you just smile, turn the other cheek, all that good stuff you read about, right? It's tough again when you're a teenager, but you got to understand that you know, if that kid gets in your head, that's what they want. All right. I'm I remember again a quick story. I remember being at a tryout one year. Um, and a kid, uh kid cross-checked me after a drill hard. I didn't see it from behind, and I was really upset. And I remember on the next drill, this is just how my mind worked. Uh, it was in my head a little bit, and I remember it was a skating drill, and uh, and they blew the whistle and I kind of tripped. And I just forever reason snapped, got up, worked as hard as I could, and I won the race, basically, having fallen at the beginning, right? I wasn't focused on that kid, I was just focused in general, right? So, so I and I know I know for a fact as I was told that that caught some eyes, right? That I fell down, got up, and went. I've also seen kids fall down and just give up, like now I'm not gonna win the drill.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

Right.

SPEAKER_03 57:05

It's not what we're looking for. All right. Uh another one, Mike said this too. Again, you never know who's evaluating. Uh, parents, this is just a personal one for me. The ability for your kid to pass and be a playmaker will pay itself off in the end. Uh, I promise you, don't get me wrong, scoring goals is is a very important skill. A player that you know, I've noticed players that are passing and making 10 assists in a tryout over the kid who scored three goals. I want the kid who's made the 10 passes. I want them both. But my point is all right, I look for playmakers. I've seen a lot of playmakers overlooked, unfortunately. But your your ability to have a 360 game back checking, getting back to defense, right? I I I my final thought and throwing it to you guys. I just want any kid I coach or my own kids to come off the ice and look at me and say, you know, I did everything I could out there today. That's that's what I want to hear, whether they make the team or not. I did the best I could. All right. Or if they say, you know, I could have done better, then we're gonna use that as a learning experience. That's the most, it's not what team did I make, it's did I work hard as a parent. So I'll send the top over to you two.

SPEAKER_01 58:14

Yeah, yeah. And also, you know, you know, your kid loves the sport and you got to reinforce that to say, you love this, you love being out there. You need to show it. Show how much it matters to you being out there and how much you know you can make a difference to the team and to themselves, you know, just right go out there and prove yourself.

SPEAKER_03 58:38

You know, Christy, another one that you just remind me of. Uh last year when Logan was trying out and the year before, people asked me, What are you telling about tryouts? And you know what? I didn't tell him anything. I I again, I mean, I he knew it was something, yeah. But I said, Hey, the coach is just gonna look at you, just go have fun and work hard. That's what I told him.

SPEAKER_01 58:58

That's great advice. Yeah, don't put the pressure on them.

SPEAKER_03 59:01

It's something you don't do this, you're not gonna I saw parents like you need to do this, you need to do this, it's a serious thing. This is a serious thing today, and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Way too much pressure, right? Like, what do you think that does to the kid? Exactly. Like you're teaching them how to be anxious.

SPEAKER_01 59:18

Matters gonna be self-conscious out there and so worried about making a mistake.

SPEAKER_03 59:23

I promise you, parents, promise you, I'm saying this as a parent and a player and a coach that are gonna put enough pressure on themselves already, especially as they're teenagers. Just just don't don't add it.

SPEAKER_01 59:35

Don't add it to it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

Mike, you got one of those smiles on your face again. I love I love it.

SPEAKER_00 59:39

This is listen, I just I just smiley today because I hear because it's like well, I've been I've been dealing with I've been dealing with parents of of tryouts uh the last three weeks. So you know, what am I gonna do? Where am I gonna go? How am I gonna get looked at? Is that the right place to go? Do you do you like this coach? Do you think this person's good? Do you think that person's good? What do you think? Where you know, where you know, where you know, where are you going? I don't know, where are you going? Don't tell that person where I'm going because I don't want them coming with me. So it's just a matter of there I get it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:07

It all miss this, guys. I really don't I remember being in that. It's like, ew, get me out of here.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:15

It's it's it's it's a really it's a big it's a one of the biggest flaws we have in youth youth sports, right? Is the tryout is the now. I don't mind evaluations, I don't mind competing, I don't mind, you know, who who's on the pecking order. I'm not saying kids are not better than other kids, but we could do it better. We could do it better for the kid, we could do it better for the parent, we could, we could, we could educate better. But I think in this case, if you're in a situation where you're you're you see the flyer, you're signing up online, you're paying your 250 for the three days of tryouts, then then just think about those little things, give them those three little pieces of advice to use it. But at the end of the day, if your kid is good, they're gonna get noticed. If they're not that good, they're gonna get noticed, and just allow the process to happen. Is it gonna be fair? It won't be fair. I mean, again, I again going back to the beginning, 90% of the time it's it isn't fair. It's because there's no true evaluation. It's you look at the kids' helmets and coaches just this is what people do. They say, Oh, that kid, that kid, that kid, that kid is, you know, they're they're our best kids. Like that's that's that's who we're picking. And if you can break into that, and then you know, you got the dad that has the kid on the team, the dad that has his neighbor's two kids on the team, the mom that has the you know, other you know, people in their social circles there on the team. It happens at every level, it happens at the elite level, it does. So just just deal with the fact of work your hardest, prepare to play, go to the place where you want to be. And if you don't make it, then then either fight to get there or then or fight in the best place you're placed.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:53

There you go.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:54

That's great advice.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:55

All right, we've solved up.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:56

We've solved out this podcast is the secret sauce that so many parents use. It's the secret sauce right there, baby. It's easy.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:05

Just watch out for fraud. That's all.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:06

Watch out for the fraud. And and remember we gotta, we I have to say this. You remember that it is not the end of your life if you don't don't or do make a team. It's a game, it's a game, it's a serious game. We're all invested in this game, we all love this game. I'm very passionate about this game, but you gotta make sure that it's not the be-all end all of how you define your happiness, uh, or you're gonna have a tough time because most years you're not gonna win.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:33

Yeah, or it helps you make a decision. The last team I was cut from was the last team I ever played for or tried to play for. So I just said, okay, well, I'm done. You know, now I'm moving on. You know, and I think that could be I could be you at 11, it could be you at 23. It depends on you know where you're at in your life. And and if you have your kids, and trust me, my parents, they probably felt just as bad at 20, at 23, you know, as they would have if when I was 11. It's just, you know, you're you're you're a parent for a reason, you're there to love your child. If they if they succeed and they put their best effort in, that's just the that's just the way it is. And you know, and then and then you know, you just gotta find a way to you know uh pick up the pieces and guide them in the right in the best place you can. But again, don't but don't push something on a kid that's not ready for it, right? And don't set an expectation, it's just not attainable.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

Yeah, and as you said, Mike, be careful those money grabs because there are a lot of teams out that'll take your money and that's it. And they're they're only there for that because that's it's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:37

DM me send me a direct message on Twitter and I will let you know which team it is. Just ask me and I'll say don't go there. Stay away.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:44

You can make a lot of money doing that money. I will. There is a fee.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:47

There is a fee for me to tell you that. It's a fee to tell you. I take I take 10% off the top to avoid you making the mistake.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:53

That's how we fund the podcast. Um, I want to reiterate to you too how thankful I am for both of you because, like, as you can, for those of you watching, I have pages of notes that I take on these shows, and it really does help me. So I'm learning along the way as much as I talk, as much as all of you listening are. We know a lot of you are facing this time of year, especially in the younger age groups. But uh again, what a great episode we've just had, right? Just discussing this and uh I think letting a lot of people know hey, you're you're you're feeling correct. What you're feeling is completely normal. Um, so I want to thank you both for that. Um, got a lot of great episodes coming up. Uh, we've got a great episode of our kids play goalie coming up, some really superb guests that have played professional hockey. Um, we've got topics coming up about um, as we alluded to earlier, you know, what happens when your son or daughter's moving up to the next age group, how to how to prepare for that mentally or the next level, right? You know, you know, C A, triple A, double A, Z, Y, whatever, whatever they're calling it nowadays. Um, also, uh, you know, we're getting towards championship season. So we're gonna do an episode about, you know, if you're in the playoffs, what do you do versus what if you're not? Right? How do you how do you approach that as a coach and a parent? All really valuable stuff. And then obviously some great guests coming up as well. But um, above all, I want to thank you all for listening to this episode. Uh uh, Mike Christy, just before I close it, any final thoughts on this? Because Christy, you you always hit a home run with that whenever I ask for that. You just kind of come up with something, no pressure.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:16

Yeah, I mean, yeah, parents, again, just don't put uh extra stress on your kids, as as as we alluded to, they're gonna put enough pressure on themselves. They they know what's at stake. And uh if you stay positive and make sure they know that even if they don't make the team, it's okay. We're gonna figure it out. There's a place for you to play, a better place, something that's you know, gonna make you uh even a better hockey player, you know, a better kid. We're gonna enjoy it as we're a team too. Your family's a team, you're all in it together.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:51

That was a great grand slam comment. I mean, I just I called it. It's like Babe Ruth pointing the bat out there. You just knock it out of the park every time. Mike, that's pretty tough to follow, but you got that smile on your face. So I want to.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:01

No, no, no. I'm letting Chris. I'm gonna let Christy hand it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:04

Smart move. Yeah, me, me too. All right, that's gonna do it for this. There you go. Great episode. That's gonna do it for this edition. Remember, you can email us at any time, team at our kidsplayhockey.com. If you have comments, an episode, uh uh discussion that you want us to have, any of that, feel free to email us. Also, uh a lot of you, as I said, joining our Facebook group, our kids play hockey on Facebook. It's a private group. Uh, I have to answer a couple yes or no questions to get in. Uh, it's a great place to be. Um, but above all, thank you for listening for Christy Cassiano Burns and Mike Benelli. I'm Leah Lias. We'll see you on the next episode of Our Kids Play Hockey. Have a great week, everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kidsplayhockey.com. Also, make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey Stops, at WhenHockeystops.com. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. Thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode.