How to Win: Lee MJ Elias Shares the Playbook for Championship Team Building

Lee MJ Elias [0:08 - 1:11]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world. And welcome back to another edition of our Kids Play Hockey. I'm Lee Elias and I'm joined by Christie Cash Burns and Mike Benelli. And I am excited about this topic today because I am very fortunate, very thankful that one of my books has just been revised and updated. And my two best friends here have asked me to share the book, to ask me questions, to share it you. Because I have. I have been known to be a little shy about these things which I have to work on. That's something I'm trying to get better at. So I said, let's do an episode about it. I'm very excited about it right at the top of the show. The book is called how to Win. I'm holding it up on screen for those of you that are watching. We'll obviously put this in the show notes. And this is an updated version of my book that was published 10 years ago titled When. And I'm really excited about it because as I told Christie, you and Mike, this really is my place playbook for team building. This is really the foundational side or the starting point that I do with team building with every team in a book form. And I've always been proud of this book. I'm really excited it was updated so I can share it with the world again. 

Christie Casciano [1:11 - 1:17]: Well, we'd all like to say congratulations to you, Lee. That's fantastic news. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:17 - 1:18]: Thank you. 

Christie Casciano [1:18 - 1:43]: This book is very much needed. I know you wrote it 10 years ago and yes, it was needed then, but I think as the years have gone, buy it's needed now more than ever. So great timing for the revision of your very successful book. Tell everybody, first of all, why you decided to write it. Take it back 10 years, fast forward to now and how you think it's still applicable. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:43 - 4:33]: Yeah, you know, Christie, it's a great question. What's funny about the first version of this? It was actually the second book I ever wrote, but I wrote it prior to my first book being published. And I had just got finished kind of writing the manuscript of my first book. And I was very fortunate. I was living in England at the time and I had just won a championship with a pro team over there. And I just had to write this book because we had implemented the team building philosophy with that team. That team was selected to be second to last in the league and we ended up winning the whole championship. And again, it was a group effort, but the head coach of that team really believed in me and this philosophy. He even came up to Me and a lot of the players did too, and say to me after that season how important that philosophy was to our success. And I just had to get it down on paper. And I remember the first version of that book I wrote in, in less than a month. I mean, I sat down and wrote and wrote and wrote. So that ended up becoming the first version ten years ago. But I would say I was a younger coach then, I was a younger person then. And it was not a primitive version of the philosophy, but it was a very raw version of the philosophy. So the book did very well, as you can imagine. And I've been using that original version for years. But now that I have, I'd say over 10 years of experience implementing part of this book and experience with teams across different sports, different ages. We realized there was a lot I could a add to it. There was experiences that I could share within it, right? And then the process had been harnessed to the point that we realized, oh, there's some reordering, some changes, ways to make this book even better. So my publisher came to me and asked me to do that. I sat down and I got to tell all you. What's really funny about revising and updating a book because nobody really talks about that, is you have to sit down with a version of yourself from 10 years ago and when you read your own writing. I've evolved as a writer and I remember sitting there going, oh, this is so grandiose and it doesn't need to be. So you kind of have to soothe yourself from years before. The new version is actually, believe it or not, a little bit shorter and a little more concise and to the point, which I'm also proud of because like I, I don't. I want to get the information to the reader as fast as I possibly can so they can apply it. So that's, that's one of the reasons we did it. The team over at Aloha Publishing that publishes the book has done an amazing job of modernizing the book. Both the COVID the back cover, but also the interior with far more like call outs and bolded material so you can get a quick hit if you want. But also the reordering of the chapters and there's images in there now. I'm just blown away with that team as well and how they've reconstructed the book to be for today. 

Christie Casciano [4:33 - 4:52]: And Lee, what do you think as you freshened it up, what do you think needed the most change? A big revision of all the chapters that you've written. It's kind of interesting to think about it. Like, how much has changed in 10 years? I don't know. You tell us. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:52 - 6:33]: Yeah, Christy, that's a great question too. So, obviously the experiences I was able to share in the book is a big change. But the biggest change is actually towards the end of the book, when I wrote the original version, I was just starting to understand present moment awareness, how to control things that you control. And again, I had a grip on it then, but I've really studied that over the last decade. And so I was really able to really rewrite that chapter. I mean, I don't think there's anything in that chapter that was from the first one outside the concept. And I've really written in a way that now I've shared that with teams that I coach again. Also, I'm going to say this too. When I wrote the original copy, I had really only worked with professional teams at that point. Now that I've worked with everything from 6, 10, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, I was able to write it in a way that you could apply this to kids as well. Also learning along the way that this philosophy works at all age groups. You know, Mike, you make great points all the time about practice planning and how that you should be able to do the same drills with 8 year olds as you do 18 year olds in the drill kind of, you know, evolves by the skill. I found that to be true with the team building philosophy, right. That what I do with 8 year olds is not much different than what I do with 28 year olds. Obviously the discussion surrounding it might be a little different, but the drills and the application are exactly the same. So I would say, Christie, that was the biggest update is that that that chapter about being mindful, being present, and then surrounding that chapter within other chapters within the book, because it all, it all kind of connects in this weird puzzle, right, where you really could read the book out of order and get what you need, depending on what your team needs. 

Mike Bonelli [6:33 - 7:21]: Yeah, I guess that was, you know, that's kind of. Kind of what I took about out of the new book, right. Is that, you know, I gave a lot. I've given a lot of these books away to people that have coached with me, coaches that I felt like could use a little, you know, push in the right direction. You know, just another, you know, another opportunity for them to help their teams. And like, I know when I work with teams, one of, one of the things I think I try to do is go to the experts within all of these aspects. Of building a hockey team and building a sport team and then. And then siloing them out. So, you know, you. You've become that expert in this. In this team building piece. Can you just talk a little bit about the new book, the old book, the way you've built it, knowing that you could jump around. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:21 - 7:22]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [7:22 - 7:44]: Just talk about how a coach, when they get this book. So it's going to be, you know, this is a great gift book. You know, if I'm. If I'm a team manager, I'm like, okay, let's spend the. Let's spend a little bit of money here. Buy our coaches, staff, the books and use it in a. In a subtle way to say these are great ways for us to use this. This, you know, this guide. Maybe talk about how a coach could use this as a guide. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:44 - 7:44]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [7:44 - 7:48]: To team building and bonding with their. With their program. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:48 - 8:46]: Yeah. Mike, I'm really glad you brought that up, because that is another aspect of the book that I think has changed is that when. When I wrote the original one, again, it was very much pro sports. Right. And over the years, I mean, even now, I'm hired by organizations to work with every team within their organization. And, you know, I like to think this. But when you got a great drill or you got a great process, you want to share that with everybody if you can. Like, you know, and one of the things about team building that I love is that I want to share this with everyone that wants to get it right. It's not so much about me keeping it close to the chest and, oh, this is my process. I want coaches to learn it. I want organizations to use it. Because at the end of the day, it's really for the growth of our kids to become better people. Right. I mean, again, it works if we're adults, too. But my mission really is like, let's create great people to great hockey players and in. In turn create great people for society. 

Christie Casciano [8:46 - 8:46]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:46 - 9:56]: Because when we work together, and this is the overarching thought, a lot of better things happen. Right. Good stuff happens when. When we work in teams. So one of the cool things about the book now is that, like, I always say this whenever we talk about team building, I always start, always. Whether it's the same team I've worked with or a new team or a different sport or business, I always start with trust. And communication is the first two pillars. All right? Those are kind of ones that cannot be moved. Mike, one of the changes was in the original book. Communication was far later in the book. Now the first two pillars in the book are trust and communication. Right. So we lead off with that. Now from there, depending on the needs of your team, you really could jump around the book, right? So some of the other chapters are like adversity, you know, threats where you deal with, with players or coaches that maybe are a problem or a problem child on the team. How to deal with that, accountability, mentorship, leadership. You know, I wanted to make it so that, okay, I'm, I don't have a leader and I need to find a leader. Well, you can go to that leadership chapter after trust and communication and understand how that applies to leadership. Right, Go ahead, go ahead. 

Mike Bonelli [9:56 - 11:40]: Well, that's what I, I was thinking like to your point, like maybe your 8U team doesn't have those same needs, right? As, because you can't inject leadership into an eight year old. As far as like the definition you would have leadership is, you know, you want people to replicate Mark Messier. Right. So it's just a different, you know, because your leadership really stems from the parent and the kid's relationship, whereas on a pro team it's basically your relationship with the athlete. So I think it's, you know, so to me, you know, knowing that you can use that and you know, selfishly for a person like me who coaches multiple level teams with different age groups and different genders and throughout the whole, you know, lexicon of the hockey world, you can pick and choose these little tidbits of information to help you, you know, decipher how are you going to build your team, you know, what, and what are the, you know, what are the tools you need with the guide that's, that's like, consider as like a guide on how I could use this. And more importantly, I think for a lot of us, you know, what you've done is put these in these chapters, you've helped me and coaches articulate what those meanings are like articulating what trust means. Because trust, it's like everything else, right? The left wing lock or the strong side or the weak side means different things to different people, depending on what your vocabulary is. So I think what trust is and what identity is and what accountability is might mean different things to different people. But I think if you can use the book as kind of your ability to articulate what you're trying to say, it's also going to help you get your message across much, much faster. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:41 - 14:07]: Yeah, Michael, add to that too that one of the interesting parts of the conversation when I work with coaches or organizations is this conversation of you know, I know we need that, but to your point, I don't quite know how to dictate that or share that with the team or apply that to the team. And I, I do think that that's something that this book provides. It's another reason, like I said, we, we bolded a lot of call outs in this book to give coaches that quick, like, hey, just borrow this, Take it, take it and use it with your team in every, every chapter. And you also talked about too, like the practical advice. So, like going back to that leadership chapter, the original version was very much kind of how to choose leaders, maybe how to pick a captain. Where the book now is like, that's still in there, but there's a whole part about you might not even have a captain. Like, you might have a young group of kids. And this is how to develop leadership within that group now so one of them can become a future captain. There's a chapter about identity, right? And that, you know, this is lost in a lot of, especially club hockey teams. Look, you're representing a community in a town, even a club team, right? Most of these teams have a city name on their jersey, right? And I think it's a missed opportunity to not tell your kids, look, you're representing this community, this organization. So there's a lot of practical tips on how to explain that to the kids, but also exercises you can do with the kids. And then like, I also share things in here, like, like old training camp itineraries. I mean, not all, they're just training camp itineraries, activities that you can do with your team. And again, obviously there's a larger expanded universe beyond the book with things that we do with that, that we're always working on. But the book is defend that foundational piece for anyone that wants to institute a, a team building atmosphere within the organization and then also to create that team bond that is so important if you want to win, however you define that word, right? Like, the goal is to create a group of people that really, really believe in each other. And all of it, trust, communication, accountability, understanding how to deal with threats, understanding identity, all of that plays into it. And the chemistry or the calculus for each team is just a little bit different. And we tried to make this book, in this version of the book that you could piece that together yourself potentially, you know, without an expert, if. Thank you, Mike, for that. Like me in the room. 

Christie Casciano [14:08 - 15:08]: All right. And guys, I just want to chime in here because I'm not a coach. I don't had a Hockey organization. But I think this book would benefit a parent like me too, for a couple of reasons. Lots of times, you know, I was in the this hockey world, I didn't understand the philosophies, like, why are they doing this? Yeah, why is the coach doing that? Why is that kid pick the captain? I didn't get any of that. You know, and you feel like an outsider, right? Like everybody else is making all these decisions. I don't understand. I didn't have the perspective from a coach's perspective, from a team organization perspective. What I think this book does for a parent is help you get clued in to why these decisions are being made, why a team is doing it this way. And having that understanding is going to help you become a better hockey parent. So I just want to throw that out there. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:08 - 15:17]: Well, and Christie, I'll actually do that the other way, too. They may give you clarity on why things are happening. They also may give you clarity on how things should potentially be happening. 

Christie Casciano [15:17 - 15:17]: There you go. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:18 - 17:46]: Because another. Another huge part of this is the conversations a parent can have with their kid. There you go. You know, look, this is. You can say, you know, this expert says that this is how it should be happening. And look like I'm all about accountability. Like, if you're not on a team that you love, at least you can have something here that says, like, this is what we should be looking for. Yeah. You know, Mike, Mike always brings up that point. You know, we see so many kids making lateral jumps to different teams. I like to think what I'm describing here is the ideal team environment. Right. And while I create and help to create these environments with organizations, I want people to look for these organizations. Right. I want people to look for those accountable places where there is communication. You know, Kristi, you also bring up a good point that I should mention. This is a hockey show and a hockey audience. But this book is bought and shared by businesses, professionals, doctors. I mean, it's gone beyond sport at this point. The philosophies in it. I. I will share this with you. It might be one of the greatest compliments, if not the greatest compliment I ever got as an author. Was a really good friend of mine now was an extremely high ranking person in the military. I can't say his name. I will just say that he was able to work with presidents of the United States of America in the past. This is the level he was at. And I remember he. He read this, it was given to him, and he called me and he said, lee, you know, I Need to meet you. Right. So we met at a Starbucks. He was coming through the Philadelphia area. And I'm, I'm, I'm actually kind of nervous because, you know, you guys know I revere the military. I'm, I'm, I love people in our military. And he sat me down and he basically said to me, did you, did you really write this? And I said, I did. This came out of my mind. I wrote this book. And he said to me, he goes, do you understand that these are the same philosophies that we use at the highest level of the military? And I was blown away that he had said that to me. He said, this is just excellent because you put this into a book for people to read, and these are the philosophies that we share. Now, look, I always say I borrow a lot from the military. Having my wife had been in the military, I've studied the military. Again, I've always been a little bit of a buff in that sense. But to get that compliment from something that I had done originally in my mind meant the world to me. Right. So to me, that was the little seal of approval of like, okay, you did a good job here writing this. 

Christie Casciano [17:46 - 17:47]: Seal of approval. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:47 - 17:48]: Yeah. Oh, it was. 

Christie Casciano [17:48 - 17:50]: Huge seal of approval. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:50 - 17:54]: Yeah. When I go into this guy's basement, I mean, it's just pictures of him with presidents and world leaders. 

Christie Casciano [17:54 - 17:55]: Wow. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:55 - 18:08]: And, you know, it, it, it. He has a nice hockey room too, but that, that kind of trumps the pro players. He's been around like, multiple people. Yeah. So I wanted to share that. You made me think of that, Christy. But, yeah, I think, I think that's. 

Mike Bonelli [18:08 - 19:11]: The same idea, you know, how you can use the book outside of your team or for other sports or for other things of life. I mean, one of the things too, I like, like your chapter on adversity, like, that's really just a sit down with your kid. I mean, you know, you. That's not. That doesn't have to be a team thing. I mean, there's obviously. I think you framed it in a team format. You know, it's about teams, adversities, not so much individual people's adversity. But the bottom line is that adversity still exists, you know, with your parent and your child. You could say, I know your team's not doing well this weekend, or I know you guys started off on a rough patch. I mean, we, we tell, we joke around all the time. Right. I think it was the second week of. The second week into the season this year. And I was getting a text message about something and, you know, about the season, and, oh, my God, you know, if you feel like you need to move over here, you know, you can. And I'm like, it's week two of the season. Like, it's the second week of 28 weeks. I said, what? What the heck? But I think that adversity is something we have to teach. Right. Because our kids don't, let's face it, they don't get a lot of chances, a lot of adversity in their life. 

Christie Casciano [19:12 - 19:15]: Yeah, it's kind of cushioned for them now. So. 

Lee MJ Elias [19:15 - 21:24]: Yeah, we talk about that in the book, too, Mike. You know, I, I. You're reminding me, too. One of the things I added in was a really good section about internal dialogue and the messages that we tell ourselves. And I attack it from both a coaching standpoint, but also from an athlete standpoint about how to understand what that is and why it's happening also in that adversity chapter. One of my favorite little parts of this book was that I wanted to show how great teams have had to deal with adversity in the past. And this is something. It was in the original book, but we updated it. We went through the four major sports, hockey, baseball, basketball, and football. And I, I researched with my team all these championship teams that had gone through massive losing streaks or massive adversities throughout the season in which they won. Right. So I was able to update that because. Because obviously, the first version was up to, like, 2014. So now it's updated to 2024 teams. But it, it is fast, even. I look at that section sometimes of. Just to remind myself, you know, some of these, I mean, dynasty teams really faced, you know, odds in the seasons that they had won. And I was. And you're able to kind of look through that. I'm. I'm teasing it a little. I'm not gonna tell you any of the teams. You gotta go buy the book if you want to see that. But, But I, I loved writing that section and going through the past of sports. But, yeah, like you said, guys, it. This is a book for coaches. It's a book for organizers, business owners, parents, I mean, kids, kids, if they're interested in this stuff. But it just paints the picture of what I believe to be a bonded team, a functional team, a community team. At the end of the day, it's a team that I would want to have to. How is it? It's a team that I would want to have played for. There it is. I got that out. And it's the same philosophy that I share with organizations, businesses, teams, players, athletes, coaches, everything around the gamut. And again, now that I've been doing it for really 20 years, but 10 years since the first book. This copy obviously has a lot more in it in a condensed way that you can apply to your group. 

Christie Casciano [21:25 - 21:27]: Good stuff. Good stuff. 

Lee MJ Elias [21:27 - 21:31]: Yeah. So I don't want to keep going on about it. I think we've talked about it a lot. I appreciate it. 

Christie Casciano [21:31 - 21:34]: I have one more question. How people get the book. 

Lee MJ Elias [21:34 - 22:09]: Lee, what a great question. Christy, because there's more. No, the book is exclusively available on Amazon. So if you search how to Win A Step by step guide to creating a championship. If you search how to win by Lee M.J. elias. That's my pen name. That's my middle initials. You can all guess in the comments for the show what MJ Stands for. Guaranteed none of you will get it. How to Win the full titles. How to Win A step by step guide to creating a championship culture for your team by me, your host, Liam J. Elias. Available now on Amazon. Go grab them before they sell out. Dun, dun, dun. I have to say this. 

Christie Casciano [22:09 - 22:11]: Love it. Thank you, Lee. 

Lee MJ Elias [22:11 - 22:32]: Well, I want to thank you both for allowing me the opportunity to talk about it. I really did debate bringing this up, but you've convinced me. So thank you for that. And I want to thank the audience once again for believing in us as a group, believing in our collective works. We're all authors and are all right here and, and the things that we do week to week. 

Mike Bonelli [22:32 - 22:33]: So. 

Christie Casciano [22:33 - 22:38]: And while you're at it, while you're getting Lee's book, go ahead and get My Kids Play Hockey too. 

Lee MJ Elias [22:38 - 23:45]: Yes, here's, here's another, another sneak peek for you guys. Our Kids Play Hockey is based off My Kids Play Hockey. So you should grab that too. So search us all. Christy Cash on our Burns, Mike Bentley and Lee Elias. Check. Check out our collective works. That's what we'll say. But let me go back into host mode. That's going to do it for this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Remember, if you have any comments or questions, you can text us using the link accompanying the show in the show notes or you can old school. Email us teamourkidsplayhockey.com we love to hear from you, but that's going to do it. We will see you on the next episode. Everybody. Have a great week. Enjoy your hockey and remember to skate on. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kids play hockey.com also, make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey stops@when hockeystops.com It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode.