More Than Goals & Assists: NHL Veteran Bobby Ryan on Raising Confident Hockey Players

Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another

episode of Our Kids

Play Hockey. I'm Lee Elias, joined by my co-host Mike Bonelli and Christy

Casciano-Burns. And our

guest today is someone whose story hits on so many of the things we talk about

on this show.

Adversity, resilience, identity, pressure, and now, parenthood. Bobby Ryan played

more than 800 NHL

games over 14 seasons with the Anaheim Ducks, Ottawa Senators, and Detroit Red

Wings. And he was

the second overall pick in the 2005 NHL Draft. scored over 250 goals in his NHL

career.

We always like to lean into the resume when we can, but what makes today's

conversation powerful

for our audience isn't just his resume, it's his journey through a difficult childhood,

the role

hockey played in giving him stability, and now his perspective as a dad with a kid

in the game.

We'll also talk about the upcoming Ice Hockey Cup taking place in Scotland this

April. I didn't say

that wrong. It's in Scotland where Bobby will represent Team USA once again in a

USA versus Canada

series featuring a lot of former NHL players. We'll talk about that soon. But first

off, Bobby,

welcome to Our Kids Play Hockey. Thank you. I'm just glad I didn't win anything

because that would

have been a longer read. We could make it a long read,

Bobby. We are so excited to have you on this show. Thank you so much. And we

can't wait to hear

about your experiences as a hockey dad. But we want to begin by just taking us

back to your early

days. You know, you look back at your early years. What did hockey give you that

you weren't

getting elsewhere? And, you know, for any coaches listening, how important is it to

recognize that

for some kids, the rink may be their most stable environment? Yeah.

What you ended with is a great way to describe what it was like for me. I went to a

small Catholic

school in the Jersey area. So, you know, small class, but I just didn't fit in. I guess

is the best

way to put it. And I think the rank, and this is what I've learned coaching now, and

we'll get into

everything, but I think for me, hockey gave me the sense of family, community.

My mom worked in the program for a long time that I was with and at the rink therein South Jersey.

My dad fit in with the people there, but I always felt like an outsider looking in and

then I got

the hockey and it just felt like everything fell into place. And I try to remember that,

too. And especially, look, let's be completely honest. You know, that was 30 years

ago.

The world's changed dramatically since then. It's now not more than ever. I think

kids have a

tougher time with the social aspects because of social media and all the things.

What you want to

do at the rink is provide them a place to not have to worry about any of that kind of

stuff. So I

have parents tell me that my kid has this learning disability or this. And as a coach,

you try to

facilitate that. But all you really want to do is give them a place to feel like I felt. I

want the

kids to have the same experience that I had. And going to the rink back then felt

like the safest

place on earth for me. And it's important for coaches to recognize that, right,

Mike?

Yeah, I think it's, you know, knowing like what we're going through, like as we're as

we're as

we're taping this and having this conversation right there, we've had this horrific

tragedy in a

ring. And I think, you know, with that being said, and other things like much,

much less, obviously, but still impactful for a player, right, Bobby, that, you know,

you go into a

rink or on a field or the gym like that is supposed to be like a real sanctuary for.

athletes it's

supposed to be a place where you know you can throw everything else aside and

throw your equipment

on and and and just just you know we hear it all the time from nhl players to rec

players like this

is like this is the most fun part of my day and you know and i think can you just talk

a little bit

about you know how you think today's youth and it you know that we have to

understand this as

coaches and we have to build and help you know, stabilize that sanctuary,

you know, that opportunity for our kids because of all the other noise going

around. Completely

agree with everything you said. I think that the one thing for me when I'm, you

know, in charge of

20 kids that come on the ice, I think that between the lines, call it turf,

call it ice cream, call it whatever you want, like where, you know, you're goingacross all sports.

I think that the great equalizer is what you find out about yourself as a person,

as a player, as a kid. inside those boundaries. And I don't care if your dad paid

more money than

the next dad to get you extra ice. I don't care. I care about what you do in the hour

that I have

you. If you don't give me the effort, I'm not going to give you the attention. That's

all I ever

say. If you could be light years ahead of everybody, but if you know it and you're

an arrogant kid

about it, then I got no time for you. what i do have time is for you to learn how to

pull the kids

up with you and not go down to their level bring them to you and i i care about the

gap right

that's the gap the great equalizer is the gap in in minor sports i think and our job

as coaches and

people is to create the gap minimum um and and make that closer but what i what

i do say is

everything that happened to you today is gone and done let's get on the ice and

let's just be

equals and let's just go to work let's just go to work we today might be a skills day

and if you

don't if you If you have 50% of your ability today and you don't feel the greatest

and whatever,

you guys know how it goes. Your legs don't match up with your hands today. The

brain is just not

working the same way. I have time and space to correct that and fix that. What I

don't have time

and space for is ever lack of effort. And I think when we came up,

there was a certain level of...

discipline that we have which can't doesn't fly anymore i think we can all agree

with that yeah

yeah but the same expectation still holds true and that's just give me the work and

i'll give you

the time and the space and i will make you better if you give me the work and um

you know as you

asked me to touch on it i just think it's about finding ways to bring out the best in

that kid and

making that hour even if i was hard on him for an hour making that hour the best

hour of his day

That's something you have to, like, if you're not in it to do that, like, I'm not in it for

the

money. I'm just in it to give back. And if you're not in it for the right reasons, then

you'reobviously in it for the wrong reasons. And if it's a money-making thing, then you're

not going to

treat the kids the same way I'm going to. You know, Bobby, I got to say it, too. You

and I are

around the same age. And, yeah, coaching was. drastically different 30 years ago

than it is now i

will also say to everybody listening yeah if you are getting paid for your youth

hockey coaching

give us a call and let us know how you did that we'd love to know that information

but i can tell

you this from from coaches when i was a kid there are two things that they would

say to me that

still ring true today and no matter what team i'm coaching no matter what age i'm

coaching it seems

like At some point during the season, I got to take a knee on the ice and tell the

kids one of

these two messages. One is what we've been talking about, that this is a

sanctuary and you can

leave everything outside the door when you walk in and this is a place of peace for

you. And I

always like to say to coaches, when I do this, I don't tell them how hard life is when

you get

older. Because here's the truth. One, they don't care. They have no context on it.

They don't care.

They don't care about your job. They don't need to know how hard your life is. So

don't tell them

that. But you have to give them allowance of they're learning this for the first time.

And while

they might still have a frowny face, sometimes you're planting a seed that's very

important for

them to see this as a sanctuary. The other thing which you tapped on, Bobby, that

I love. And

again, I have this conversation at least once a year is to tell kids if I'm not talking to

you,

that's when you should be worried that something is wrong. on you and i'm

pushing you and i'm

telling you things i believe in you and i want you to do better that's that's positive

coaching

right if i'm not talking if you're being ignored which should never happen right but

if that

happens that's when you need to worry and i always tell coaches and kids to really

pay attention

for that because you don't want to be alienated you don't want to be in a position

where no one'stalking here um i think the greatest way we can show that we care as coaches is to

coach to educate

right so I just wanted to say those two things, but I love that you dove into that

right away

because, you know, I love saying that the sport is chaos, but that chaos is our

peace.

Would you agree with that? Yeah, it's a controlled, peaceful chaos. I completely

agree with it.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Let's talk about some of your NHL days as well.

So, you know, high expectations immediately. You're a high draft pick,

goal scorer, top line minutes. how dangerous is it when a young player starts you

know tying their

identity to performance and are there healthier ways for families to frame success

i think you've

got a great perspective of this that's a great way it's a great question because i'm

in i'm in the

south right i'm in nashville and though i believe that our our hockey scene is

exploding here and

and we've got some players that um aren't just elite here i've taken them places

and they're elite

there. We had a kid win MVP in Notre Dame last weekend as we won the

championship. I have a kid

that I'm coaching with his dad. His dad's the coach of the 2016 born that is going

to go make any

brick team he wants. And I get a little hung up on the fact that people care about

stats.

I understand that stats are a certain thing. They're sexy. They come across on a

page a certain

way. So when he doesn't score for a game or two and you have to have the

conversation, it's like

it's not about what he's doing right now. It's about what he's doing when he's 12

and then 14 and

16. He's 10, right? My son's eight. And do I feel like sometimes I have to check

myself because he

might be behind the eight ball? Of course. But I think if you're a coach and a

parent that you have

to be very objective and you have to be able to separate yourself from wanting

your son.

daughter, whatever it might be to have success to understanding,

did they influence the game? And that's a big thing for me. We have kids that just

don't score.

They're just not going to be goal scorers, but did they influence the game? Did he

kill the

penalty? Did he make the play that chipped it off the wall that led to the break?Like all those

different things. And when I sit down and I know a lot of parents don't have the

time and the

facilities to do this, but when you sit down and break down games, We call them

net positive, net

negative shifts, right? And if at the end of the game you had more positive shifts

than negative,

then you influence the game. And I think that's the healthiest thing for me to do is

my son plays

defense. I don't know how to coach defense. I leave him to the defensive coach.

We are completely

different players. But at the end of the game, I can tell as a player,

a former player, I understand the game enough to know. Okay, that's a mistake.

You threw it up the

middle, whatever it might be. And I can say those things, but then I look at it

objectively. And

what I try to do every single game is pick one positive, one negative, spend two

minutes on each.

And then it's a four minute conversation. And the last minute I spend on that is

saying, what could

we have done better? And if that play hadn't worked out on the positive side, what

was the other

thing in your mind? And he's still at the age where he's still processing things. Not

maybe up to

speed, I guess, would be the best way to put it. But I feel like every time we have

that

conversation, even if the game wasn't great, he still learned something. And it's

like,

okay, let's apply it next game, man. I don't want you to be the best player at eight

years old. I'd

like you to be a serviceable player at this age. And then you just build every year.

I think it's it. I think that's the dangerous piece, right? You're describing it. I hope

people are

listening that the performance wasn't based off of stats. It's the performance of

your child or any

child on the game. Obviously, you're going to need kids that are going to score

goals. You're going

to need kids that are going to stop pucks. You're going to need players that are

going to be able

to get first passes out of the zone. I think we've talked a lot on the show about

this, is that

that performance can't be just based on goals and assists. And if it is... That's

great,

but we also have to make sure, you know, the player is not identified around thatperformance

because, you know, Bobby, maybe you could attest to this, right, that your

performance and how you

contribute to a team changes depending on how old you are and what level you're

at,

right? So if you say, hey, my performance is in goals, and all of a sudden you get to

a place where

you're the best penalty killer, the best defensive forward on the ice, you're not

scoring goals,

and yet your identity is like, oh, my God, I stink. No, every coach in the country

wants you

because they know when they put you on the ice with a minute left in a one-goal

game, nobody's

scoring. So can you just talk a little bit about how dangerous it is for us to grab

performance in

stats? I think it's one of the worst things you can do because kids can tell their

own stats,

right? They know if they scored three. They know if they scored four. They know if

they had four,

whatever.

They're already tied into that mentally at a young age, and that's a hard thing to

break. Because

it's pushed, right? Everybody wants to score. I get it. What I learned through

playing and what I'm

learning now is coaching more defensive players at times is that the dynamic of a

team shifts so

much positive when you have players that don't score, but they provide what they

have,

right? You can change a game. We have a perfect example going on because we're

looking at the

Olympics right now. You're telling me Vincent Trocek is better than Cole Caulfield?

No, I'm not

buying it. Cole Caulfield is a much better player and a much better goal scorer.

Why is he there? I

can kill penalties. I can win face-offs. I can provide the team some spark.

Can Cole do that offensively? 100%, but they already have those players. So when

you're tying

everything into an offensive statistical category, it makes it harder.

So Ryan Burke said something to me one time, and I think he's one of the greatest

hockey minds and

we don't have the best relationship, but he's one. Nobody does. He has a great

mind. It goes across

the board, but he came in the training camp and he said, dance with the girl that

you brought tothe party. And I heard it in my mind, being an offensive player was you got to

score.

Yeah. But every other player in that room heard it differently. And I think that's the,

that's,

that's what the concept is. and and when you're trying to build a team i want six i

want six point

guys and i want six more you know talking 12 forwards i want six more that build

the team face

-offs penalty kills um honestly uh call mood shifters right or or motivational

speakers like you

have everything so tying it up into goals and assists really puts you in a category

that is very

limited it's it's just so important to teach the full well around the game and that's

that's that's

what i've learned over the past year and a half really diving into the coaching side

is do you see

do you see when you're doing that though like when when when coaches at the

youth level sometimes

when they're we just had an episode on evaluations and tryouts and when when a

player when a coach

is picking the team you feel like the parent of those players on the ice only are

looking at like

they don't they don't really even understand the intangibles they don't understand

that players

have to they don't know know what an unforced turnover is. And I think they view

it as,

oh, that kid's just scored three goals. Yeah, but seven other players scored three

goals too. And

who's going to play defense? Like Bobby, you might be different than me. Like I

can't be in a 12

-11 game. Like that's fun. And I think that's like a lot of people love that, but I can't

coach

that way. I'm like, what the hell are we doing here? So I think there's a point where

the coaches

have to be educated. Parents have to be educated. And I think when you're into

your point, when a.

When a when an Olympic team is being built, I mean, think about the play. I mean,

every single player is a superstar, but every player has a role to play within the

confines of that

particular team in that particular year against a particular competition we're

playing.

Right. So on any given time, it's always changing. I think us as parents who are

watching

evaluations and we're only blinded by because, again, we're only watching our kid.Yeah. And you're

like, oh, well, my kid is doing this. Right. But in the scheme of things, I need a

player that can

do this. Completely agree. I think.

And I have this set team right now, right? We have a set team. And I can tell you

that our team is

going to look dramatically different in two years because we're going to play

higher and higher

levels of competition. You're going to have to field different teams. So a kid that

scored three,

like you had said, while four more scored three and we won 12 to 11.

That doesn't that doesn't.

necessarily thrill me either i'm still at the age where if you get the puck up in the

air it's got

it's got a pretty good chance so eventually you're going to have to build a team

that's going to

limit shots that's going to win faceoffs penalty kill and then the physical aspect

comes into play

at a later age so um i i'm consistently looking for a player on my team right now the

blueprint

down here is what marty erat's done and we want to we want to have a top 10

2018 team in the next

um four to five years like like his team is now with his son they're going up and

they're playing

against the little caesars of the world and competing that's what our goal is but to

get to that

goal i don't need a bunch of guys that score three to four goals a game i i need to

start building

a team that's going to go into those buildings and compete and and do all the

intangibles is this

fun for you is this fun for you building a team No.

It's not fun. It sounds like you would have such a ball doing this. I'm very fortunate

that Ryan

Ellis is doing most of the work early on. And I know that I'm going to have to pay it

back a little

bit on the back end and do some of the more work. But I think for me, and I think

that anybody that

comes out of the game, and I hope. i hope they do for the longest time i always

thought the game

owed me something and then as you have time experience and getting away from

it you're like man i

owe such a debt i owe such a debt and i have to wake up today and pay it back

and um i'm fortunate

enough that my son plays and i get to do it in a certain way but i purposely did notcoach his team

this year and i've been on the road with it team two years older and i was like i

need to learn how

a bench works i need to learn how they manage parents i need to and i just didn't

take a paycheck

just paid my own way to all these tournaments and all these practices and said i'm

going to learn

how to do this correctly so that i don't make mistakes that are right in front of my

eyes um but i

i do it because like i said i i owe a debt i don't get to i don't get to not work at 38.

um because of things that i did i got to do it because of things that are given to me

so it's my

turn it's my turn to turn around and do it correctly impressive that is so impressive

um yeah but

and again and it's all about your kid though right do you want to be that shining

star for him yes

and no i think

I have purposely, my son doesn't know that I played very much. Like he still has no

clue.

He's starting to figure it out when we go on these road trips and people are asking

for autographs

or pictures.

Last year he asked me if I was famous at a hockey tournament. Oh my gosh. How

did you answer that?

Maybe 15 pounds ago.

He's starting to figure it out, but there's nothing hockey in my house.

Really? I think that when you do that, you set them up for comparison and you set

them up for,

you know, robbing themselves of the opportunities and the joy of just playing the

game. So I'm

actually staring at the only thing that I have in my house, which is the Olympic

jersey. But it's

tucked on a wall in the office that he doesn't come into. And we asked not to have

it put up,

but the interior decorated did such a good job that we left it. I just didn't want him

to see those

things. I didn't want to see them think. him to see that now he's got youtube and

he's watching

games and he's sending me clips from mom's house and um he's enjoying it he's

he's having fun but i

just don't want him to have that pressure bobby let me let me dive in here you said

something

pretty prolific a few minutes ago that actually dives into next question about

identity um you hadsaid that for the longest time you felt like the game owed you something i

remember feeling that

way at one point too all right And it was kind of amazing when you flipped it to

gratitude.

Like you said, it's like, I don't owe the game something, you know, I owe. I'm sorry,

the game

doesn't owe me anything. I owe the game. And it was a pretty prolific shift. And I

think what that

was for me, it might have been different for you, was the complete fracture in my

mind that I am

like the identity for me was I'm hockey. I am a hockey player. That's all I am. And

when I broke

that, man, did the world open up to me and the game, too, for that matter. You

know,

and I think that we talk to parents about this a lot in the show. I want to discuss it

now. Both

the dangers and the benefits of identity through hockey, right? Like we tell people,

kids, you are more than just a hockey player. You are more than just a center. You

are more than

just a goaltender. And I think that it's not just important. I mean, it's essential that

coaches

and parents repeat that message to their kids over and over and over because you

don't want to fall

into an environment. where this is the only thing that defines you, right? It can't be

that way.

It's not surprising to me you don't have a lot of hockey stuff in your house. And I

think that's

what you're alluding to with your son is that I don't want him to feel that he has to

identify

through the game maybe in the same way as I did. Am I on the right track here? Do

you have thoughts

on that? You're on the right track and completely agree with you. I think if

you play hockey, you don't have time and space for other sports. I think that's

pretty fair, right?

When you talk about... financial aspect the time aspect and it's not a sport that

you can fall

behind in hockey takes more than any other sport i can go throw a ball in the

backyard and get

better at football but i can't and i can shoot pucks to a degree but you have to you

have to be on

the ice and when you're pushing your kid to skate that fifth time in a week that he

probably

doesn't need right um he probably just needs the three to four hours and that's

one of the thingsthat i'm very very aware of like i could probably text and get ice tonight i'm not

going to do it

because he skated yesterday he doesn't need to skate today it's it's not when

when you tie them

into a one role specific sport you're you're i think effectually you are um

prohibiting them from

figuring out who they are outside of things and that's why you see so many players

get to the age

of 12 13 14 where girls are introduced high school is introduced and they fall off

because all

these things are so over stimulating outside of hockey they don't know any other

way so you know

one of the things and like you said when you coach and you have to get down on

me and have other

conversations one of the things i said like were you a good friend today were you a

good teammate

today that ties in the hockey i understand too from my my son like were you a

good brother today

did did your sister make you so mad you said something you shouldn't So it's very

hard.

When you play a sport like hockey, it's very hard to not get wrapped up in that.

And I understand

that. But I think if you're a parent, you have to look in the mirror and check

yourself. I have to

check myself three to four times a week. Am I overbearing? Am I giving him too

much ice?

Am I giving him too much stimulus? And not allowing him to go top golf or putt

shack because,

oh, well, we have to skate that fifth hour. It's like, no. You have to create time,

space and

experiences for the kids. I won't let my kids skate in the summer much. I'm going

to make them take

a month and a half off and really just, we're going to travel, we're going to do

different things

and we're going to have a blast. But I think it's about, like you said, not being so

identified

into one area. It's funny because I think if you related this to a field sport,

right? The reason why athletes can be so good in field sports and sports that don't

require you to

go on the ice. It's because they can do it anytime they want and they can do it in a

creative way.

Like I know, like my son could be and was a very, very good lacrosse player and

never played travel

lacrosse, just didn't need to do it. Like didn't play like club lacrosse, but he playedhigh school

and he, but there's a field, there's a net, there's a ball, somebody shooting, there's

somebody

passing. You can't get that in hockey. But I will say that if, that I think in the

longterm,

if we can create environments for players, to be on the ice for four, five, six days a

week.

That, to me, is beneficial. I really do believe that, but it has to be in a way where

it's so much

fun and so unstructured that that becomes the field. That becomes the basketball

court.

That becomes the open field. That's why these kids can do what they do in other

countries and other

sports and basketball and soccer, because they could just literally go out the back

door and play

in a 10 by 10 dirt. track and and get better and i think what we do as coaches

though is we think

every time the kids step on the ice we have to have this structured you know

organized environment

and then it does become too much it does become like oh dad i really don't want

to go like i'm

going to be standing in the line again for the next you know 20 minutes listening to

a coach yell

at me about my breakout ability instead of being like you know understanding that

it's a playground

and it's a it's a it's just an amusement park for kids And that's,

to me, how I structure the youth programs. And I work with, again,

when we see the best players in those age groups, they have more fun in a high-

performance

environment that has freedom, that isn't structured in breakouts and four checks

and systems,

but yet they get to just play. And I've watched practices now. What is this? We're

in February,

right? So the end of the season. And I watched these coaches run flow drills and

line drills and

conditioning skates. And I'm like, I'm like, what are you doing? It's February. Like

this should be

the most fun time of the year for your kids, whether you've lost every game or

you've won every

game. This is the time where like kids just want it. They're, they're beaten up. Like

they want to

come out and have fun. And you're, and you're thinking, oh, I'm going to structure

this so tight.

No wonder why kids don't come back. It's a, it's a wonder why they don't performat the end of the

year. And maybe you could talk about from your professional career, like as the

season dragged on,

right? And as you went through the highs and lows of a season, the structure

hopefully got less.

And just the maintenance and the fun and trying to bring new things into your

locker room elevated

you, right? I mean, is that accurate? Very accurate. I think if... And again,

you're talking youth versus pro. So I'll just touch on the pro side and say, if you

didn't have it

by February, you weren't going to have it by mid-March. It's just not, whether it's

conditioning,

it's too late in the season two, we call them installs, right? You're not installing

something new.

You might have a wrinkle into your plan and it changes based on teams. But with

the schedule that

you played too, most of the time you're just kind of flushing out the night before,

getting the

legs back, and then you're learning about the next team and you're already moving

on. Where I think

in youth sports, The biggest thing that I've learned, and this is probably one of the

most

important things I've learned, is for us to play games out of Nashville, we're

traveling.

You just have to travel. We can play the local team here, but we're going to beat

them by 20, and

then it's just not fair. So you've got to go on the road and you've got to travel. And

when you

come home from a tournament, your next practice is always going to be terrible.

It's just the way

it is. They're eight to 10 years old that I'm coaching and sometimes up in the 11-

year-olds. But

they traveled back. They went to school. For me, I had a day off, so I caught up on

sleep and did

what I wanted to do while these kids were up grinding in a different way. I think

that I learned it

in next year. As you said, February, I will even start looking more into early January.

to to make sure that every single practices has a compete element and i not and i

don't mean two on

ones two on twos in the corner those are those are given those are things that you

have to do to

elevate a player but shootouts more competition based stuff that is five on five at

a big bigger

surface um um full ice stuff not like game speed but i want them to competebecause every kid once

they get out there is going to be competitive right And that is fun for them. Like

you said,

if you're going through flow drill after flow drill, it just becomes monotonous and

they learn how

to run the same route over and over again. You get nowhere with it. And I think we

probably dropped

the ball a little bit on that this year. I don't think we did them a disservice. I think

we were

just so in trying to integrate something to get them to play at the highest level

against the teams

that we have to play, the Massachusetts, the Jerseys, the Phillies. right? Like

we're, we're just,

we don't have the same depth as those, those cities, but more compete and, but

fun compete,

right? Like you want it, you want them to enjoy it. So it's three on three cross ice

and you bring

them back to a small area and let them be creative. And I think that's, that's

something that I

learned this year. And I think that that's something that in youth sports is really,

whether you think it's wasteful of time, it's building a foundation of compete and

creativity.

Well, Bobby, I'll say this too, that what you're describing is actually not uncommon

across just

coaching, right? Like I'd say 98% of practices start with some form of

conditioning,

skating, or flow drill. And, you know, I do a lot of team building work, right? And

one of the most

common problems that coaches come to me with is we have slow starts. My team

always has slow

starts. Well, I said, well, how are you starting your practices? Well, we, you know,

we skate from

the goal line to the blue, you know, I said,

well, you're not, you're not setting them up for success. Start practice with

competition. Well,

they're not warmed up yet. I said, they'll warm up fine. I said, you don't have to do,

it could be

five to seven minutes of like three on three cross size, something that's going to

turn on the,

the antenna of competition. I said, try it next practice and tell me how good your

practice was

after that. And that is something we're trying to get coaches to do more is it

doesn't really five

to seven minutes. It's nothing crazy. They'll move. They want to compete. And Isaid,

you could still get your conditioning in through other drills or even at the end. Well,

that is the

conditioning. When you watch kids battle, that is conditioning. I mean, when you

see kids fight for

spots and, you know, as far as warming up, I mean, I don't even think eight-year-

olds have

hamstrings. So who cares? Like, just let them get out and play. I mean, I think if

that's –

and I do that every practice. I never start a practice without a game. And I have

kids lined up.

The Zamboni's not even off the ice. I never have to beg a kid because they missed

the best part of

practice was in the first minute of practice. And I think that, you know, that, that

goes to show

like what Bobby's saying, right? Like we don't always have to, like, we keep

thinking, Oh, if I

structure it more, they'll get better. Like I'll be able to compete more. And the fact

is that the

opposite is true. The more fun and the more I can get them to learn to then win

little battles and

all parts of the ice, that's, what's going to help elevate their game.

Like, like I remember one time we put a couple of tires on the ice and to, to score,

you actually

had to hit it off the boards and into the tire. We got pretty good at sauce passing

after that. But

my point is, you know, turn the engine on, turn the compete engine on, right?

And Mike, you make a good point. The younger kids don't need 20 minutes of

warmup on a bike. I

mean, they're ready to go. So when they're going around the circle and they're

doing their

stretches and I'm going, I'm on these kids are seven years old. I said, what do they

got? What do

they got to pull? I might pull something trying to get them to do it. But I think, you

know, I

can't even show them how to do it. But I think it's just a matter of like, go out and

play,

compete, be a kid. Be a kid. Yeah.

I mean, I would love to hear. Do you have like a favorite moment when you were in

the NHL,

a story that you love to tell, you love to share, something that maybe no one's ever

heard before

that you haven't shared before? Just something kind of fun that our listeners can

really kind oflaugh about or be surprised by. Is there something that you could share with us?

Yeah, I guess I'll have to. sift through the stories that are safe space stories. That's

a good

idea. Keep it PG. This is not spinning chiclets. I will say there was a night that I

played in

Ottawa and I was there seven years and the season gets a little long,

obviously, and you call them green lights and coaches give you a green light to go

out and team

bonds, right? dinner and then a late night and and you're partaking and um we

were getting we were

getting brutally skated the next day um because we were sweating it out and knew

that we had a

couple days off but it was like you're you're gonna pay the piper for going out and

do those things

and um at that level your your lines are designated by colors right and and that

might be true all

the way down now it's not at our program but um you always knew if you're on the

first second or

third line fourth line based on your colors nobody ever wanted blue and nobody

ever wanted yellow

you wanted black or whatever it was um but we were get to the rink the next

morning and all the

jerseys are in and then when they do the flow drills they're like red here blue here

etc so you

just follow the patterns well we had a guy that was um maybe a little he was still

feeling it a

little bit we'll put it that way okay and he was in his color so we followed his group

to his color

but he didn't realize that like we were trying to hide him so we just kept putting

backwards in the

line but we didn't realize that the jerseys get mixed up pretty quickly when you

start doing it but

then all of a sudden all the yellow jerseys are down here but one and then all the

jerseys are back

here but one because he finally went in the drill so we had this player that we were

on the ice and

we thought we were playing chess while they were we were playing checkers while

the coaches were

playing chess uh but i won't name the player but they called him afterwards and

they were like how

many drills did you do today he's like all of them what are you talking about we

watched you for an

hour and 20 minutes not be on the same side is your color more than one time

when you started thedrill and when the drill ended you were back there so this player was like he came

in the locker

room and we were like maybe a cold tub shower or get back to work buddy and i'll

never forget him

he was like i i thought we hit it so well and i was like no you didn't hit it no we

didn't we

didn't hide a thing we just we shifted you around for as long as we could but um

that's funny When

you're telling it when it's not PG, it's a little more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, use your

imagination. Yeah.

Obviously, the coaching staff didn't go out, so they were able to pick that up. That

was Paul

McLean. He was not impressed with us at the time.

I love that you picked a memory, too, that is with the team and not so much a

game. Again,

we're living in a time period, buddy, where. The highlights are everywhere. You

know, kids go on

their phones and all they see is highlights. They don't see, not that we could make

a PG on

Instagram, but they don't see that side of it. Right. And you can ask any player,

you know, and they'll tell you like the best part of hockey is the room and the

people and the time

you spend together. The game's great. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean the

game's not fun, but,

but it's, it's the people, right. You know, Bob, with that, with that said, you know,

we talk a lot

about mental health. You've been outspoken about it and, and, and mental fitness,

you know, If

you're talking to kids today, right, especially the teenage kids, like you said, they

have a lot

going on. Right. What would your message be to them about the importance of

mental health, mental

fitness? And how do they incorporate that into the game? And you can even dive

into how parents and

coaches might play a role into that, too. Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's important

to highlight

that I came in to the league in 07. Right. Where there was no talk about this. Right.

It just was

everything was macho and swept under the rug. And if you're dealing with

something, deal with it.

Figure it out. Just do it on your own time. it's it's you know i don't i don't want to

say that i

started it i think i was just first person to skate off the ice knowing that i needed it

and umit's not uncommon to see players taking breaks for it during the season now right

um might not be

as long as i need it but at the same time you're looking at the guy in ottawa right

now that's

going through it and he he did the same thing he just finally spoke up and i think

it's important

to know that um again the league the world's changed but it's very important to

understand that

like Just because you're playing a sport for a living doesn't undercut the fact that

you're a

husband, a father, a son, a parent, whatever it might be. You have these

responsibilities that come

outside the rink. And if you're not living up to them because of your own detriment

or because of

mental health that you can't control, you have an obligation to go fix it, I think. And

it's

important to understand that you can be a man and say that. I need help.

Like I needed help. I needed to figure things out. I needed to fix things. And, you

know,

it was probably arguably the hardest moment of my life. And I've been through

some things, but I

think it was the most freeing and the most uncomplicated thing in my life once I

figured it out.

And it became a lifestyle as opposed to just becoming, you know,

part of something that it just became something that I have to do every single day.

Where I play a

role in this with coaches now is that you get parents that come to you and say,

my kid has this and X, Y, and Z. And it's, you know, you're dealing with a level of

somebody that

might be on the spectrum to a degree that might not understand what you're

going to say on the

first time, but you can't get aggravated because you have to come back and

explain it a second

time. It's important to understand these things when going on the ice. I have a kid

that doesn't

see things visually well. he has to hear it three to four times before he understands

it.

But if you're showing him on the board, it's not registering. He needs to physically

hear the

words. So you have to go through it three or four times. And I think when you sign

up to coach and

you're doing it for free and you're just helping kids, I don't think you understand

the gravity of

what it means until you're in it. And that's something that... is not to be taken forgranted,

right? It's a full-time job on top of whatever else you're doing. And it's a full-time

job to be

responsible for these kids while they're in your care. And you're going to have

things and

boundaries that are going to have to be set so that you can understand how to

best physically,

mentally, and spiritually. help these kids grow while they're in your care. It's been

one of the

most enlightening things that I've taken on in the past year and a half. It really has.

It's grown

me more than it's probably grown the kids. I think if you're doing it right, you have

this new

level of grace and compassion that you just can't comprehend until you start to do

it. But it all

makes sense when the lights finally click for these guys. And that's the best part.

Bobby, we

really appreciate that you've been so open. about where you're at and um and not

afraid to share

your stories and your struggles um if you if you look at the world today and what's

happening with

our kids today what kind of conversations do you think should be happening with

kids especially at

the age of you know 12 13 and 14.

it's so hard to pin it it's i think you you know,

you, you leave the, so if you're leaving the X's nails out of it, which I think is our

obligation

again, as coaches, but I've had conversations this year that I never thought I would

have with

anybody but my own son. Like, and it's, it's one of those things where it's like, you

almost have

to bring somebody else in so that you have a witness to the conversation because

these guys are

asking about girls. They're asking about parents. They're asking about step

parents because the

divorce rate, right? Like it's just all these things that you don't ever. You don't ever

sign up

for, to affect their kids' games, but you have to have, you have to have some, you

have to bring

some levity to the situation when you're talking this way, because it's like you,

you're not a

parent. So you don't get to set expectations on kids outside of the confines of the

rank.

So it's like, you want to be graceful and you want to, and you want to handle it withcare. But at

the same time, you, you have to understand that your role is not as a, it's not a

parent. It's

strictly as a coach.

So oftentimes you have to go back and just like, you got to defer to mom and dad,

but not everybody

has the mom and dad situation that they're looking for. So you have to kind of play

into it a

little more. So the hardest conversations I think that I've had this year are about

comparison.

And that's the hardest byproduct of these kids having social media.

And now some of them are making money on social media. It's like, are you out of

your mind? because

you're drinking quench or whatever it is. And it's like, don't get far down this rabbit

hole

because you're going to be selling green tea in five years with a promo code.

So you caution them and you say, how about kids? This could be,

right, go ahead. I, sorry, I don't caution them. I just say, get off. Like, stop. Yeah,

just stop

because. It's very, very easy to tailor a 15 second clip from your entire practice to

put on

Instagram or social media, I guess, in any capacity that looks great when you fell

six times before

that. Nobody sees that. They just see the perfect product. And that's what your

your own kids are

comparing themselves to. And I don't think that's fair. It doesn't do it justice. So I

have a hard

rule to rank that there's no social media when you're with me. It's just not going to

happen. But

then. of course, clips make it through. And somebody says, did you see so-and-

so's kid in

Michigan? And it's like, sure. But I didn't see the rest of the practice. So I have no

context. And

I don't want to look at what you're showing me because I don't know how many

times he failed doing

that drill. But the conversation is, and again, to get back to your question, the

conversation is

always tends to be around comparison for me. Just, you know, the old saying,

right? It's a thief of

joy. And I think it's very, very second nature. compare yourself to anything when

you see it all

the time so trying to limit those things is a big big part of the process for me i

guess that's

great advice too right you know right and just so just like the guy in uh you know inin row in

section 303 right screaming at you about you know making a pass or blocking a

shot uh what what

have you now as a hockey parent you know you're in the you're in the rank you see

what these

coaches do you're coaching yourself Like, what do you think some of the things

that you're finding

now coming back into the game with a child and being on the bench that you think

we as hockey

parents and, you know, program administrators really should look to and

appreciate what the youth

coach does today? And is that a lot different than you think when you were

growing up? I think it's

a lot different.

Again, as culture shifts, it shifts what the ideal coach looks like. I think,

you know, I've gotten to witness two coaches this year and be on the bench with

them that I think

are extremely good at what they do and extremely adept at running practices and

running the bench

and getting through to the kids.

And as a parent on the other side, watching my son play, like last weekend, I didn't

coach Notre

Dame. I sat in the stands.

I think I have a level of understanding beyond most parents about how a bench is

run and seeing the

way that the lines are rolled out. But I think the most subtle thing is the way that

coaches can

make adjustments that maybe don't look great on paper, but they're doing it for

the right reasons.

I think sometimes that comes across to parents as my kids are getting less ice or

my kids getting

too much ice right somewhere in the middle.

I think parents neglect the fact that most of us are volunteers.

Some of us are in this position because we, like I said, we owe something back.

Some of us are in

the position just to create the same experience for our kids. And what I would say

to any parent

that is, I guess, critiquing or being critical of a coach in a situation is to understand

that he's

not thinking about your kid in a negative way. He's just truly trying to put the best

product on

the ice and trying to give the kids a chance. And maybe your kid misses a shift

here or there. He's

not out there to get your kid. I think sometimes parents are like, well, my kid is justthe kid

that bothers coaches. And it's like, I can only speak for myself. I don't have one of

those. I have

kids that I'm more excited to see because they're more in tune and they're more

excited for the

practice, for sure.

Parents need to understand we're not out to get anybody. We are truly there to

provide an

experience, a level of play, and just doing it because we love the game and we

want to give the

same experiences that we had. So be less critiquing. That's it.

And that's easier said than done. I understand that. But we're in it for the right

reasons.

All right. We have to talk about your trip to Scotland. First of all, I got to tell you, I

have a

new love for Scotland because my son just got married there in Glasgow. It was

amazing. It's a

beautiful country. So you're headed there for, it's in April, right? And it's the ice

hockey cup.

So it's... USA versus Canada. Fill us in. What is this about? A lot of us aren't

familiar with

this. What can we expect? Who's going to be there? And what's it all about? Are

you looking to go

back, Christy? Do the play-by-play for that? I want to. Can I come as your field

reporter?

I've got some experience. I could show you all the sites in Scotland. I don't know if

we're going

to be on NBC by any means. So maybe you can pick this up there. I could be a

stringer. Yeah,

we'd love play-by-play. It's funny. So the group that's done this has done Australia

for years,

right? And it was always a mid-summer thing. And I was always in a position to say

no. I was

always a guy that was like, I am non-hockey all summer. Obviously, I work out and

train, but I

don't want anything to do with it. But they would always do this really cool trip to

grow the game

down there. And I've heard nothing but just incredibly...

amazing things about those so ryan ball is the guy that you know kind of

coordinates it and well he

he doesn't kind of he spearheads everything um he's done a phenomenal job so

we we kind of got in

touch through mutual friends and he said look i'm looking for some names right i

can obviouslyfield this trip with guys that played over in europe but i would like to add some

different um

levels to it and could you get on board and i was like well yes and no i mean i

would like all the

details and and um Again, like I had said, I owe something back. And this is not just

about going

to play games and then getting to play the old course. This is about like a country

that has a

little bit of a hockey hotbed and in its own right is growing. Like we're going to get

to run youth

camps over there for a week. We're going to get to grow the game in different

areas, fan

engagement, you know, pre and post game, all these different complexities to it

that really for me

was like, that's. Number one, I get to play hockey. I get to play the old course. I'm

a big golfer.

So I was like, that works. And go see some castles and tie it all into a hockey trip.

Why not?

It sounded like a no-brainer. So it seems like we're kind of flying the plane as we

build it.

But you're starting to see some of the names come out. Carl Osner just signed on.

That's another

big name guy that won cups. And I think he won in Washington. But just players

coming out of the

woodworks. I probably should get on the ice. I'm really good at pushing pucks in

different

directions, but I haven't stick handled it in a while. So I might get out there. The

next couple of

months.

Yeah, just an incredibly cool concept. And I think from everything I've read, seen,

and heard about

it, it just looks like it's growing every week and becoming bigger and bigger. So I'm

really

excited. There's still a little competitive fire in me. So it usually comes out on the

golf course,

but it's going to be nice to put it in the test on the ice again. Bobby, I always say to

people,

don't sleep on hockey in the UK and Scotland. I coached pro over there about 10

years ago.

And I'll tell you what, the crowds were growing and growing and growing and

getting better and

better and better. And it's only grown over there. So I expect you to have full

crowds over there.

Very excited fans. not just to grow the game. And I'll give a shout out to Ryan Ballas well. That

guy does so much. I mean, we think about the word hockey ambassador. That guy

has grown the game

everywhere here, Dream Nations Cup, over in Scotland, over in Australia. I think

he's played in one

of the highest elevated games of all time. I mean, that guy just grows the game.

But it makes me

think, you know, earlier in the show, when we started a few years ago, I would talk

about my time

in England, coaching in England, in the UK. And we played in Scotland a lot

because there's teams

up there. And I remember we got an email from a fan once. He goes, hey, you can

stop talking about

English hockey. It's not that big of a deal. Well, it is a big deal if you're still

listening.

I just remember I actually wrote back to that guy and said, hey, we'll try harder.

There's the guy that we just talked about critiquing from the far side. It's like,

come on. Right.

It was a funny. I always find it amazing when someone had the time to write that

email.

You mentioned a little bit ago about, you know, you got a USA jersey in there with

you. I mean,

you're putting the jersey on again. It might not be the Olympics or the IIHF, but

you're still

representing the United States. What is, I mean, how does that resonate in any

way? I mean, in a

sense, you're representing the USA in Scotland.

Honestly, I guess I haven't put too much thought to it. Ryan sent the jersey over

last night, like

the picture, and it kind of gave me the tingles again. The capacity is so much

different from what

it was, right? It's not the Olympics, it's not the World Championships, but it's an

opportunity to

wear that.

There's been no greater thing in my career that I've done than put that jersey on.

And it doesn't

matter if you ask Leon Dreisaitl right now, if he's... he doesn't win a cup but he got

to wear that

jersey at the olympics he might feel the same way it just there is nothing better

than putting on

those three letters for me and and getting to put it over your heart and going to

work some of the

greatest experience in my life i've been in that jersey and in any capacity it is to

get to wear iti'm pretty pumped i'm pretty pumped It's a great answer. And, you know, I always

love to ask that

question because I don't know anybody who wears that jersey, no matter the

context, and doesn't

feel something. Yeah. Right. And I think that that's something that I don't want to

say gets lost

in youth hockey. I mean, we're all representing a team in some way. But, you know,

the passion of

like, hey, you are wearing a logo over your chest and it does mean something. I

think obviously the

nation is the highest calling for that. But I love that we asked that question. Yeah.

I'm getting like thinking about it again. I'm looking at the, like the chills. I

remember putting

it on for the world juniors and like, like trying not to cry. Like it is truly,

I don't know that I've had a rush like that in my life. Yeah. And we're recording this

in the midst

of the Olympic games. Pretty cool. So, so that's a big one today at two o'clock.

Yeah, this is a fun week for USA Hockey men's and women's teams, both charging

hopefully for some

hardware there. I always joked America doesn't play for second place, but we'll

see how that goes.

They got a tough test in Sweden. I agree. I agree. So it'll be a good game.

So gang, Bobby's going to join us for a quick ride to the rink. So make sure you get

your kids

buckled in the car and listen into that. But Mike Christie, any final thoughts before I

close this?

You are such a surprise to me. Just so real and so authentic.

And I just appreciate this conversation so much. I didn't really know what to expect

when you got

invited on the show. And wow, you are really special. So thank you for sharing

yourself with us.

It's been my pleasure. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I think it's great that

you're giving back.

And certainly, I think in the youth hockey world, the kids are really lucky to have

some of your

depth of knowledge. And certainly, obviously, you're passionate about what you're

doing. And I'm

looking forward to watching you grow these young players in wherever you end up

being.

as far as uh region and i think they're very you know again if you're listening to this

and you're

a parent just i just understand how lucky you are to have you know somebody that

understands like

the bigger longer term uh development process yeah amazing thank you iappreciate it bobby i'll

close by saying this um and i mean what i'm about to say you've been nothing

short of an

inspiration in this game and i'm not just talking about your play on the ice just just

how you've

carried yourself what you've done, what you've done publicly, what you've shared

with everybody.

And now you're growing the game again on the young end. You know, thankful for

you in this game. I

really mean that. I'm not just saying that as someone who grew up near you.

Very thankful for you in this game and all you've done and enjoy Scotland, man.

That sounds like a

great trip. I can't wait. See lots of castles.

Different cities coaching beforehand, but yeah, I can't wait. It's going to be fun.

Christy will

tell you, you will have no problem. No problem.

It's beautiful there. Gorgeous. Yeah. A lot of hills. All right, gang. That's going to

do it for

this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Remember, if you have a question, a thought,

a comment,

anything, a topic you want us to discuss, email us at

teamatourkidsplayhockey.com. Or remember, in

the description, there's a link. You can click it, text us, let us know who you are,

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from, because we can't respond to it, and anything you want to do on the show.

But for Mike

Bonelli, Christy Casher Burns, and Bobby Ryan, it's pretty cool to say that. I'm Lee

Elias. We'll

see you on the next episode of Our Kids Play Hockey. Take care, everybody.

We hope you enjoyed this edition of our kids play hockey. Make sure to like, and

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