Nov. 18, 2023

Nurturing Passion, Not Pressure With Desiree Hall

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

Imagine nurturing the passion for hockey in your children without pressuring them to love the game. Sounds tough, right? Add in raising 5 kids who are all active in sports, while also being a team manager for multiple teams, and you have today's guest. 

Desiree Hall and her husband have found the perfect balance to maintaining their busy schedules while placing their focus on raising happy and healthy children rather than star athletes. This episode explores how they inspire their kids to have fun on the ice, do their best, and carry this mentality beyond hockey too. Being passionate and well-grounded parents, Desiree and her husband's approach to sports and parenting is indeed noteworthy.

We explore communication's impact on managing teams and look at how Desiree uses tools like TeamSnap to keep everyone on the same page and overcome the challenges of professionalizing youth sports. Consistent communication and meeting kids where they are at, both professionally and in hockey, can empower them and lead to their personal growth. 

Tune in for an insightful episode with Desiree Hall, as she shares her unique perspective on parenting, team management, and the thrilling world of youth hockey.

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00:52 - Juggling Multiple Roles

12:23 - Balancing Sports and Parenting

18:14 - Team Manager

28:19 - Teamwork Is Key

32:55 - Importance of Communication in Youth Hockey

42:32 - Meeting Kids Where They're At

WEBVTT

00:00:08.051 --> 00:00:24.068
Our guest today is the parent of five children who play hockey for multiple teams, who play for their schools, and she also has a full-time job and she's also the manager of two of the teams and she's amazing and she will inspire you and it's a great episode and I cannot wait to share it for you.

00:00:24.068 --> 00:00:26.788
Desiree Hall joins us today on Our Kids Play Hockey.

00:00:26.788 --> 00:00:38.093
But before we dive into the episode, I want to remind you all the holidays are coming and we've got a 20% discount code for you at hockeywrapperroundcom when you use the code OKPH at checkout.

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Desiree Hall on Our Kids Play Hockey.

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Hello hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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I'm Leo Elias with Mike Benelli and in true Our Kids Play Hockey form, we are bringing you a chat with another extraordinary hockey parent today.

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Desiree Hall is a mom and stepmom to five boys 11-year-old Vincent, 10-year-old Braden, 9-year-old John and 7-year-old Twins Dylan and Jackson and all of the boys play multiple sports and four of them play ice hockey, some of them for multiple teams.

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She serves as the team manager for her Twins 8U Might team and for her 10-year-old's 10U AA team.

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And if that wasn't enough, she also serves on the board for her kids' school ice hockey club.

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And when she's not doing that full-time job, she's doing her actual full-time job as the upper school counselor at Malvern Preparatory School, which is a very good school nearby and, by the way, she also helps the hockey team out there when she can.

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She is also an associate therapist at Sandy Christiansen Counseling.

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In addition to all of that, desiree is also an incredibly health-conscious person, both physically and mentally, and I don't ever recall not having a conversation with you where you're not smiling, des.

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I'll say that right now.

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I can tell you from reading all of that that Mike and I are incredibly humbled that you're here.

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Welcome to our kids' Play Hockey.

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Thank you.

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Thank you for having me.

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No, trust me, the pleasure's all ours.

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Every time I read an intro like that, I'm like I only have the two kids and I have a lot of control over those two kids.

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I have five kids.

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So the first question that I didn't know where to start is how the hell do you juggle all of this?

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Because I'm going to reiterate again, multiple kids playing hockey, multiple teams within hockey and then multiple sports outside of hockey with a full-time job yeah, two technically full-time jobs Two full-time jobs.

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How do you even begin to manage that?

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Yeah, I mean I would say that I'm truly blessed with a really supportive spouse.

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He kind of fell into the hockey role because I introduced it to him.

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I've always had a love and passion for hockey and he was very resistant to it at first.

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But once the other kids caught the bug he was like I guess, here we are.

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And now he kind of just I manage the schedule and I kind of point and say go here, here, here, and we just divide and conquer.

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You absolutely do, and I'll say this about your spouses he's always smiling too right?

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I think a lot of this is just a positive kind of can-do attitude.

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When stuff comes up like disruptions or things you have to adapt to, you tend to kind of let a shrug off and you figure it out right.

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There's not a lot of woe is me in those situations.

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This is from dealing with both of you.

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Just find a solution right.

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Yeah, yeah, I feel like Chris is actually really good about finding solutions too, and we're both very carefree people, in that when something does come up, like you said, then we are kind of just like well, here we are, how do we manage it?

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Right, there's just, you know, what I always see with you guys is there's a little bit of a lack of ego, in a good way.

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Right, in the sense of you're doing a lot for the teams, you have the children you got to take care of, but at the end of the day you realize that hockey, as much as we all love it, is not the be all end, all end of the world.

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Right, it's making sure the kids are smiling, making sure that you have some form of sanity and probably a lot of coffee, right, and just making sure, from a day to day standpoint, that you're keeping the priorities, which I'm going to ask you what yours are.

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But those are in sync, right, it's not just about go here, go there.

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I understand that's the organizational method, but the priorities are we're a family, right.

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We want to make sure that we're keeping that in the forefront.

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Yes, I agree, and you said, chris and I, there's a lack of ego and that's only because Brayden takes on all of the ego.

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Well, that's a great segue.

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Brayden is your 10 year old.

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Why don't we talk about when did the kids get into hockey?

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If you know, then, what you would be getting into.

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Yeah, so we actually we used to live in Virginia, right, and when we lived in Virginia it was myself, brayden and Dylan and Jackson this is before I met Chris and John Vincent and when we were in Virginia I actually started him off at like Learn to Skate down there and he played for kind of like an in-house kind of league down in Richmond, virginia.

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I can't remember the name of it, I'll stop my head right now but that's where our love of hockey kind of started.

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Dylan and Jackson were kind of just trucked along, you know, sat on the ice rink as they have become very accustomed to now.

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And then when we moved up here to Philadelphia, you know I throw him into the Adams program, and that was honestly where we kind of shifted and everyone's love kind of came along from there, because during COVID, right Like Brayden was still able to play hockey.

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You know he had a mask on for periods of time, but he was the only one who was able to still play a sport, and all the other kids were kind of like, oh why does he get to do all this and we don't?

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And so everyone else kind of caught the bug from there, because they saw that he was able to keep going, yeah.

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You know, what's amazing is this is when I met you as the first time was in that kind of Adams program because, as you said, it was in the middle of COVID.

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I remember the stress levels of that time of like do we wear a mask?

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Do we not wear masks around all these kids?

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But I remember Brayden, and we're going to talk about all the kids.

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But I remember Brayden because and Mike, you'll appreciate this Brayden was the kid in Adams that would come up to me after every drill and after every practice and ask a lot of questions about how he could do it better.

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He would always say thank you and again, look, this is not.

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I have to say this, I'm not looking down on any Adam, that doesn't do that, I'm just.

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I'm just saying I was very noticeable that he was coming up and asking questions and he's turned into quite a good hockey player, right, he's always trying to learn.

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Yeah, I won't comment on the ego.

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I mean some of it he's earned, some of it probably he's understanding is not going to help him too much, but he has a pure love of the game.

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I think that that infectious love has spread now to the whole family because everyone's playing and now I'm coaching your twins which is another adventure in Mightland, I'll say that.

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But it's been really cool to see it sprout within the family.

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It's amazing how it's kind of organic like that.

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Yeah, and I love how you framed it, where it's like it sprouted from him, where he does have such a love and desire and a passion for the sport and the desire to learn and improve.

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I mean, he's either in the basement shooting pucks, he's in the backyard shooting pucks, constantly, stick handling, like he's watching plays on YouTube and stuff and he's just always striving to be better and I think that his brothers all saw him passionate about this one thing and it just kind of came naturally, like if he's doing it, like why aren't we playing with him?

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So you're right, it kind of sprouted.

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And you know what's cool about it.

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This is something I admire about your family and this is a good lesson for everyone, including myself in a lot of ways is that your son, braden, has the itch, and for those of you who listen you know what I mean.

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It's just like she said he's doing hockey 24 seven.

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It's on his mind.

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I don't think the other kids share that to that same level, but that's absolutely okay and it's totally maintained.

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I have never heard you say I probably never will.

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Well, braden does it like this.

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It's always been kind of an equal opportunity of like no, we just share this game together.

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Your love of the game is not what we're basing the experience on.

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This is our family.

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We do this together.

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As I said, one of the boys does not play hockey and that's absolutely okay.

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But can you comment on that kind of from a parenting role a little bit that you know there's different levels of whether I would be here, maybe motivation or intention, but that is not the governing of whether we play or not.

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Yeah.

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So, vincent, I would say, when he, like I said, you know, he saw Braden really passionate and he kind of decided that he wanted to try it and we, you know, threw him into school league, and that was awesome, we threw John into school league as well, who now plays soccer, right, but like he also wanted to try.

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But we went into it with the mindset of, like you wanna try this like nobody.

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We told all of them no one has to have the same love, dedication, motivation as Braden does, like it doesn't have to be a thing.

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If you, all of you, were open to try it.

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We support all of you in what you want to, like all of your endeavors, but like nobody has to have this passion and drive that he does.

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But at the same time, if you do enjoy it and you are having fun doing it, of course we're gonna support you and where you wanna go with it.

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And I would say that, like Vincent has the love of the game and the passion to succeed and do better and improve himself and we support him in, you know, kind of going along.

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But I would say he probably has a more mentality of like this is fun, I love this, I'm having fun and I'm enjoying it, whereas I'd say, like Braden is more of like, this is my job, kind of situation you know.

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But again, like, both of them are very different children and we support them in how they wanna pursue it.

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So if, like, there is an extra opportunity to do off ice here and somebody wants to do it, but the other one doesn't, like we're like, okay, how do we make it work for you and what are we doing with you?

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You know what I mean.

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Yeah, yeah, you know, what I love is I from myself.

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Growing up I was more of a Braden, where you know this is my job and it's funny, cause, when I see Vincent and that's just the perfect description Every time I see Vincent, who's the oldest, it's just I'm just having so much fun, that's just the attitude.

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I'm just, I'm scoring goals and I'm having fun.

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That's how he talks, and I wish I had more of that type of mentality a little bit.

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Yeah, when I was growing up, I did get it.

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As I grew up and what I mean like I mean really grew up, like in my twenties I started to understand like, oh yeah, hockey's supposed to be fun, right, like it was just very serious, but I love that that juggles in your house.

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The other thing, too, is that having played the game and this is something again, I admire you and all the parents in your situation really mean this is that there's no pressure.

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But having played the game, there's this awareness with my own kids of, well, if they don't love it, they might not play it, but I can't put that pressure on them, right right.

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And I had to learn, especially from watching the other parents of hey Lee just back off.

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You don't need to do that.

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Let them naturally find the love, and they have.

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Both of my kids have found that, especially over the last 12 months.

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But that's another thing I want to share with people listening, because I know there's people out there listening who have played the game and they feel that again I don't know quite sure how to describe the words Like a bub.

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Yeah, it's like I played, so you want them to love it.

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But there's this reminder from people in your situation that it's okay, no matter what the purest form is, just to enjoy the game.

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And should they not be serious or having fun, it's the path, right?

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You just gotta walk that or skate that path.

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I guess we'd say on this show, yeah path.

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Yeah, and just meet the children where they're at, like Dylan and Jackson, like they are at a point where they're trying to find what they love in general and it might not be hockey, and we fully support that.

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We're like this is what they've been asking to do, probably naturally because their brothers do it and then they're surrounded by it, but like this might not be what they want to do ultimately, and we're totally okay with that Versus, like a Braden and Vincent who have that drive and passion and they want to do it and they love it and stuff.

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And just meeting them where they're at is probably really important.

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And I will say one of the most important things that Chris says to the boys before they step on the ice is like what are the two most important things for you to remember?

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And they always say have fun and do your best.

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And that's where their mentality has to be when they step on the ice.

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Whether it's a Braden and Vincent or Dylan or Jackson, like we don't care how many goals you score, we just want to make sure that you're having fun and doing your absolute best.

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Yeah, we had a really popular episode titled three things you should say to your kids before they step on the ice and really meet them, and that was one of them.

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Right Is just to remind them, at the end of the day, you're not being judged on your performance.

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You're being judged.

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It's probably not the right word, but are you having fun, are you working hard?

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Because those translate well beyond hockey at the end of the day.

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So I love that and, again, it's so visible the way you both parent the children and it's so refreshing.

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And, mike, I'll throw it to you too.

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And as you've seen this too, we've been around rinks all around the East Coast and beyond and we've seen parents not do that.

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We've seen parents do the opposite of that, which is always scary.

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But, mike, I want to bring you in here because I'm hogging all the airtime here.

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No, no, I'm just listening.

00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:43.264
It's nice to see a parent that obviously you have invested family in hockey and just the culture of hockey, which is difficult in itself, but no, I think that's anybody that's in the sport.

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You know, that's really what the people that help run these sports right Aspire to have is passionate parents that are well grounded in the virtues of what the sport can bring to your kids.

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And then you know, I guess you know, with no strings attached, like there's no end game.

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Hopefully you know there's no, it's okay.

00:15:02.839 --> 00:15:26.967
Well, this is what we're doing this week because we're going to end here, because we see that in a lot of parents and frankly, you know, like me, you know where I've seen the kids is sometimes that you know that end game, which we all think is crazy, ends up being, you know a pretty big deal, like it ends up being an end game and the kids end up being a, you know, sino pro contract or go to a division, one school, or.

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But you watch all the carnage that goes into that and you forget that when these kids are eight or nine years old it's such as dip, it's such, so different than getting your kids to the end game.

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You know that we, we, we fail to realize that.

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You know, it's not just a one-child, it's, there's families involved with a lot of parts, and if one child is excelling, you know, from an administrative point of view, you have to almost be like, okay, well, yeah, that's great.

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That's that one kid in this big in this whole other world.

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This is this whole ecosystem of you know what surrounds that kid.

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So it sounds like you guys have have found a way to balance that pretty well, so it's great.

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Yeah, I will say it is challenging in that, like Braden is, as a 10u AA player has a little bit more of an intense schedule.

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Then his brother, vincent, who is 12 u b Pee we and when I say intense you know it's like there's more, whether it's all fights, there's an extra day of practice, there's at least one, maybe two more games per weekend, and so sometimes it can definitely feel like we are committing more time to him.

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But what we try and focus on, at least with the kids, and the message that we're sending them, is that everybody's getting what they need.

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And so while Braden, you know, need some of these things, vincent also needs these things, right, and and we always make sure that everybody is getting what they need because they try and focus on fair, I'm like it's not fair raining, it's another ice time or whatever, and we're like, well, he needs extra ice time.

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He has an extra game this weekend.

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You know what he means.

00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:07.039
So focusing solely on that everybody's getting what they need and we love all of you equally.

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That's kind of where we have to always like remind them, but it's not easy.

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Like, of course, they all see him getting more, more attention, more time, more travel, more tournaments, more showcases, all the things.

00:17:18.015 --> 00:17:22.971
But at the end of the day, reminding them that they all get what they need is where we have to be.

00:17:23.980 --> 00:17:24.884
It's a great way of wording.

00:17:24.884 --> 00:17:25.446
It does you know?

00:17:25.446 --> 00:17:27.212
I actually haven't heard it like that.

00:17:27.212 --> 00:17:29.539
Hey, we're getting what you need or you're getting what you need.

00:17:29.539 --> 00:17:32.307
It's funny little dilemma that happened to me yesterday.

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Keep in mind, only have the two kids, but this is the first year they've both been playing and this is why I'm so thankful for my wife.

00:17:39.085 --> 00:17:52.268
So my daughter, who plays with the twins, had an 8u game at 530 and then both my daughter and son had an elementary school game at 630 at a different rank, and you talk about the onus on different teams.

00:17:52.268 --> 00:17:58.068
So my brain, kind of as a coach, naturally started going towards that elementary school game where the score matters.

00:17:58.068 --> 00:18:03.980
You know they keep score and their standings and and my brain went as a coach, like, well, you know, you need to be there.

00:18:03.980 --> 00:18:09.480
Right and then, you know, my wife came in, janet, who again keeps me, even kill it.

00:18:09.480 --> 00:18:11.799
She goes no, you committed to that 8u team as well.

00:18:11.799 --> 00:18:14.486
You need to be there and you can drive over after.

00:18:14.486 --> 00:18:17.133
I remember I had this little war in my head for a few minutes.

00:18:17.133 --> 00:18:19.653
I was like but, but, and I kind of came to the country's right.

00:18:19.653 --> 00:18:20.619
I made a commitment.

00:18:20.619 --> 00:18:23.970
I can't, I can't just do that and I have to get a lean into the other game.

00:18:23.970 --> 00:18:28.088
It all worked out, but it's, it's, it's a, it's a thing, it's a real thing.

00:18:28.088 --> 00:18:33.284
Like you gotta check yourself and look at things and look at situations and understand that.

00:18:33.284 --> 00:18:36.231
You know, like you said, divide and conquer is a very, very big part of this.

00:18:36.231 --> 00:18:38.826
Yeah, I do want to reiterate to the, to the audience.

00:18:38.826 --> 00:18:51.551
I have seen Dez come in with four of the kids, two of the kids, all right, I mean it's just, you never know who's gonna show up at some of these practices, but we always, we always love seeing them right, because it's that you can see the family vibe come in.

00:18:51.551 --> 00:18:59.440
But I wanted to bring that up again because, yeah, sometimes you got to check yourself and and figure, is everybody getting what they need?

00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:08.662
Mm-hmm right and and I think that that's a very good gauge For anybody listening about that that you know if your kid is on a triple, a tier one team, and you have a kid on a B Team, you got.

00:19:08.662 --> 00:19:14.811
You got to be careful with that Right, because the value of the child is not based on how many letters or what the letter is.

00:19:14.811 --> 00:19:27.180
After their team yeah so One of the things I wanted to pivot to on this episode is I have been very spoiled with team managers so far in my youth hockey journey.

00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:31.372
Now, when I played, I remember the managers, but I was always seeing that from a player point of view.

00:19:31.372 --> 00:19:43.354
When I started in the game, you were really the first manager that I had to deal with and I'm gonna tell you I could tell right away the games were scheduled, everything was organized, our team snap was updated right away.

00:19:43.354 --> 00:19:49.662
There was no issues from a coaching standpoint with you as a manager, right I mean.

00:19:49.662 --> 00:19:57.209
So you said a really, really high bar now for anyone who's managing any of the teams I'm working with, which is great because we have high standards on this show.

00:19:57.209 --> 00:20:06.881
But what I do want to ask you Because I'm sure we have a lot of team managers that actually listen to this show and I'm gonna reiterate you have a, was it?

00:20:06.881 --> 00:20:08.925
It's 1110, 9.

00:20:08.925 --> 00:20:16.285
You skipped 8 but had twins that are 7, so we'll kind of say that that's even Multiple teams, your manager on multiple teams.

00:20:16.285 --> 00:20:22.509
There's the school, there's the work, and you do a really I'm gonna say this again Really good job as a manager.

00:20:22.829 --> 00:20:23.291
Thank you.

00:20:23.914 --> 00:20:38.034
No, thank you, right, so so let's just talk about the mentality behind that, what you do to be successful in that role, and then any tips you can share with the audience that have helped you find ease with scheduling or any of it, because it's a big role.

00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:42.883
Yeah, it is um man.

00:20:42.883 --> 00:20:47.118
So I'm I will say I am very organized.

00:20:47.118 --> 00:20:50.289
I I live and die by my calendar.

00:20:50.289 --> 00:21:09.826
It is color-coded, it is, it's got reminders all the time and so, and even like with my phone, like I set reminders for myself if I I'm in the middle of something and I'm like, oh, I just remembered I have to do something for a team, snap for this team or whatever, like I will say, like I'll set a reminder for myself.

00:21:09.826 --> 00:21:12.673
So I have a running list of things that I always have to do.

00:21:12.673 --> 00:21:19.672
And Creating contacts, like for each team, was always helpful when I started.

00:21:19.672 --> 00:21:29.932
So, like when I started managing mites and I was reaching out to people in scheduling games, I created a contact list for myself, just in a Google spreadsheet or whatever.

00:21:29.932 --> 00:21:39.150
So that way was easier for me to keep track of who I had reached out to, who I was reaching out to about games, who I was scheduling games and things like that.

00:21:39.150 --> 00:21:49.727
But, honestly, like I feel like I just kind of tackle everything and and Put out the fires whenever I need to.

00:21:49.727 --> 00:21:54.220
I don't know that there's any like logistics or like rhyme or reason to what I do.

00:21:54.220 --> 00:22:02.530
I think I'm just such an organized person that like Organizing a team kind of just makes sense to me, if that makes sense.

00:22:03.622 --> 00:22:12.259
Well, you know, it's funny, like when you, when I find Good managers that we end up getting you know at the youth hockey level, it's always it's a lot of itself serving.

00:22:12.259 --> 00:22:17.151
It's like, okay, I'm gonna have the busiest life there is, so I have to make sure this works for everyone.

00:22:17.151 --> 00:22:48.019
Because it works for me, like I look at like for me, you know, I have to be organized with my teams and I have to have good managers, because my life is crazy and I'm like, well, if I'm gonna make my life even crazier if on Friday I'm calling around and I can't find the person I scheduled the game with on Saturday and I remember what the time was, or they couldn't get old of me, or you know, and you see, all these Most managers get found right through some of the emailing them, a random hey, would you, we're so and so from this place and our my hockey rankings is this would you play us on this weekend?

00:22:48.019 --> 00:22:54.874
And you have to keep track of all these kind of things because you're getting you know, emails and coaches saying, hey, we should play this team.

00:22:54.874 --> 00:22:56.078
Hey, can you schedule that or can you handle that.

00:22:56.078 --> 00:23:05.180
And so I always found, like the best managers that I've had are the ones that you know whether it's just, it's more self-serving, it's like, oh yeah, I want my life to be easy.

00:23:05.180 --> 00:23:11.113
I'm gonna make sure this is covered so that I'm, you know, I can be a normal parent.

00:23:11.113 --> 00:23:18.423
You know, I've kind of put, I've been proactive in putting this schedule together and parents, you know, really, really appreciate it.

00:23:18.423 --> 00:23:31.315
And the ones that don't appreciate it are the ones that have never had to schedule anything, like you see, the ones that are like you know they have one kid and they're not that serious about whatever they're in and they just show, they just think, oh well, doesn't that just happen?

00:23:31.315 --> 00:23:34.846
Like, doesn't that schedule, doesn't that 45 game schedule just happen?

00:23:34.846 --> 00:23:37.682
No, no, it doesn't.

00:23:37.682 --> 00:23:46.865
Because I mean, I mean I don't know how your organization is, but most organizations don't get like a Saturday 230, so it's always like like trying to.

00:23:46.865 --> 00:23:48.691
You know that would be like that'll be great for everyone.

00:23:48.691 --> 00:23:51.849
Yeah every Saturday to 30 we have a home game great.

00:23:51.849 --> 00:23:56.479
But when you get into this crazy world of travel hockey, you don't even know what state you're in.

00:23:56.479 --> 00:23:59.536
You know, so it's almost like, okay, well, who's gonna manage all that?

00:23:59.536 --> 00:24:05.984
And I, and honestly I think youth organizations should really reflect and understand.

00:24:05.984 --> 00:24:13.251
You know how much goes into, you know what they're, you know, for lack is really their free support staff does for them.

00:24:13.673 --> 00:24:13.893
Yeah.

00:24:13.893 --> 00:24:28.079
So much easier and I, like you said, like for me I think I took it on initially before like that sense of control, right, like my life is super busy, so if I take on the scheduling aspect of it, then I can make sure it works for my life.

00:24:28.079 --> 00:24:34.910
And then you know, as we then got into Braden schedule of 10, you double a again.

00:24:34.910 --> 00:24:37.259
I'm like, well, we're stepping it up a notch.

00:24:37.259 --> 00:24:44.233
I think I need to take this on so I can make sure that I can manage the schedule in a way that works for everybody.

00:24:44.233 --> 00:24:54.140
And I will say that one of the most important things for me as a manager it is to always remember that I'm doing what's in the best interest of the team.

00:24:54.140 --> 00:25:09.884
And so anytime I have, like a question of like, oh, this is a time slot that probably doesn't work for Braden or whatever, and I'm managing my might team or whatever, I always have to remind myself like, well, but this isn't the best interest of my might team and so it doesn't really matter what Braden's doing.

00:25:09.884 --> 00:25:25.359
And so I have to it's a very big like mind shift all the time of managing my different roles, but always focusing on what's in the best interest of the team, what's going to be the most fun for the team, what's going to serve them well and and progress them and help with their development.

00:25:26.162 --> 00:25:30.215
Yeah, and there's a ton of listeners that will be that hear us and incorporate with.

00:25:30.215 --> 00:25:32.423
You know that, go back and forth with us and I'll tell you.

00:25:32.423 --> 00:25:39.612
Like I know, right now I can name you five managers or five organizational leaders that don't think that way they go.

00:25:39.612 --> 00:25:44.113
Oh, my other team has a game, so I'm going to cancel that game Saturday for that team's game.

00:25:44.113 --> 00:25:45.017
Like what the hell you?

00:25:45.017 --> 00:25:45.680
Then we don't have no game.

00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:46.608
We don't have no game on set.

00:25:46.608 --> 00:25:49.205
I know your kids playing on two teams, but why are?

00:25:49.205 --> 00:25:50.832
Why is my team less important?

00:25:50.832 --> 00:25:51.113
This team?

00:25:51.113 --> 00:25:53.099
So it's a very it's a hard juggling act.

00:25:53.099 --> 00:25:55.527
It's like, okay, well, you know, we have a family outing.

00:25:55.527 --> 00:25:57.701
Well, I don't care, I don't have a family outing, you know.

00:25:57.701 --> 00:26:04.526
So it's just a matter of saying, like, as a manager, I'm managing this for 18 families or whatever.

00:26:04.526 --> 00:26:12.970
It is not my family, but I've always fallen on the side of but yes, but the person who's managing it gets the benefit of the doubt.

00:26:12.970 --> 00:26:20.990
The person that managing it gets at least to say have an input and say, hey, listen, if we could get a four o'clock game instead of a one o'clock game, could we do that here?

00:26:20.990 --> 00:26:24.777
Like that's, that's just because somebody has to do it right.

00:26:24.777 --> 00:26:28.584
You can't just, you can't just throw it out and say, okay, hey, good luck finding games.

00:26:28.584 --> 00:26:38.364
And for all of us that have parents, you know that are parents of teams that have really great managers that you know, find us hotels, you know, get us the best place to have dinner as a team.

00:26:38.364 --> 00:26:51.211
Find a way to get the kids, you know, team building, exercise or stuff outside of the sport, find a way to understand that, if so, and so is birthday coming up and somebody wants to organize something outside the rink and it's a huge benefit for that.

00:26:51.211 --> 00:27:02.671
And I think a lot of us forget how much goes into those people that do those things first, because it's not about just, you know, setting a check to the youth organization and and hopefully the season goes well, you know when.

00:27:02.671 --> 00:27:12.765
And then we we talk about in this show all the time, but the need to be organized and communicate and more communication that can happen and the more organization that can happen, the happier everyone is.

00:27:13.329 --> 00:27:31.989
Yeah, and I'd say building healthy relationships with the coach always is really important, because if I know where, what my coach needs and what my coach wants, then I know what I need to schedule and also, like you, know what I need to do for the kids between, like, team building and things like that too.

00:27:32.290 --> 00:27:35.276
So yeah, that's awesome, yeah, and that's you're absolutely right, like knowing.

00:27:35.276 --> 00:27:43.352
And then I think I'm assuming you probably have a good support group of parents around you to like if they say, you know Desiree is doing all this work, can I help?

00:27:43.352 --> 00:27:49.421
And I think the one, the managers that fail, and one's like oh, no, no, no, I've got it, don't worry about it, I can handle it all.

00:27:49.421 --> 00:27:51.723
You know, and all of a sudden they're like well, you just missed.

00:27:51.723 --> 00:27:53.707
You know we're not doing, you know why are we missing all this stuff?

00:27:53.707 --> 00:28:05.106
But it's that ability to delegate and, I think, most parents, because when the hands go up right and when somebody's in the room and say, hey, who wants me to manage this year, every finger goes under your butt right.

00:28:05.106 --> 00:28:06.849
Everybody's just like please don't raise your hand, please don't raise your hand.

00:28:06.849 --> 00:28:08.311
You know so.

00:28:08.311 --> 00:28:11.596
And I'm always the one like I'm not that I'm at the meeting, like, oh, you know, michael, do that.

00:28:11.596 --> 00:28:12.957
I'm like I don't know, I wasn't even there.

00:28:12.957 --> 00:28:16.481
Like I shouldn't have to do this, but I think it's just a matter of you know.

00:28:16.481 --> 00:28:23.615
If you're going to, if you're going to be a parent on a team that has a great manager, step up and just do one thing, because you know.

00:28:23.615 --> 00:28:27.680
I think what people get fearful of is I'm volunteering to do all of this.

00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:31.244
Yeah, if you play, if you can help me, you just have to do a little tiny little bit.

00:28:32.069 --> 00:28:39.276
I'm really good at delegating and like asking people to take on something, so I can recognize my boundaries and my limits of like.

00:28:39.276 --> 00:28:49.625
I can't handle all these things and if I want to make, create a better experience for my kids, for the skaters, then this is what I need from this person and I can say like, hey, can you do this?

00:28:49.625 --> 00:28:54.352
This is this, and I give them a marching order and then let them do it.

00:28:54.372 --> 00:28:54.711
Yeah, there's.

00:28:54.711 --> 00:28:56.094
I'll say a few things on this, so.

00:28:56.094 --> 00:29:00.178
So I'm going to go back to something you said a few minutes ago, that you always put the team first.

00:29:00.178 --> 00:29:03.521
I want to reiterate that to the listeners, just like Mike did.

00:29:03.521 --> 00:29:19.144
This goes actually beyond management, right, everyone from an adult standpoint, hoping everyone's an adult when all the parents and the managers and the coaches have that mindset, you're going to have a great season, even if you don't win a game.

00:29:19.144 --> 00:29:25.516
Right, when you put the team first and you understand what that means as a group, you are going to have a good season.

00:29:25.516 --> 00:29:31.002
Now, I have been on teams where the opposite of that has happened and it is almost always devastating.

00:29:31.002 --> 00:29:38.190
People are almost always unhappy, right, you're already going to have people unhappy, even if you do put the team first, right?

00:29:38.190 --> 00:29:58.983
So it's like you said it, mike, like sometimes the ego can get in the way and as I've seen you in positions where you're putting the team first, not necessarily yourself and it's frustrating, but you do it and you understand that part of the role and I think that, by and large, to the audience, that is such an important part of it, especially as a coach and again, my wife had to check me on this the other night.

00:29:58.983 --> 00:30:04.839
Right, I was kind of putting what I wanted ahead of the team and and God bless her, she's like no you, that team has to come first tonight.

00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:05.882
And she was right.

00:30:05.882 --> 00:30:15.022
So I always mentally check myself with that as a coach, as a parent, you know, as as a person in business whatever you want to do, that is the team coming first.

00:30:15.022 --> 00:30:21.199
I always say team teammate self, mike, mike, quick tip for you anytime someone asked you to do something, you can use this great excuse.

00:30:21.199 --> 00:30:23.782
Oh no, I run a podcast and people won't know what to say.

00:30:23.782 --> 00:30:24.663
It's great.

00:30:25.109 --> 00:30:29.277
I said go ahead, if you're going to volunteer for that, I might call you out on this thing.

00:30:29.277 --> 00:30:32.781
So I said don't put me in a bad situation.

00:30:32.781 --> 00:30:34.525
I have to tell you, don't do anything.

00:30:35.009 --> 00:30:36.375
You're using the podcast to threaten people.

00:30:38.009 --> 00:30:52.712
But it's, but it's just like you know, and again I think it's, the problem is, too is most people that are in these positions of volunteerism and help out in managing and and then support the Halloween dance and help with the PTA, and it's all the same people.

00:30:52.712 --> 00:31:03.990
So what happens is if you don't get other people to support you like there's always like I have this and I run a lacrosse organization and I have the same three people it always, like you know, throw the grenade in the room, close the door and like hey good luck.

00:31:03.990 --> 00:31:05.011
I'm like.

00:31:05.011 --> 00:31:06.234
I'm like what are you doing?

00:31:06.234 --> 00:31:07.297
Oh, we should do this.

00:31:07.297 --> 00:31:08.559
Yeah, where have you been for six months?

00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:10.263
I said, yeah, we'd love to do that, why don't you do it?

00:31:10.263 --> 00:31:11.948
I don't have the time to do it, I have kids.

00:31:11.948 --> 00:31:13.711
I got other things my kid plays for.

00:31:13.711 --> 00:31:14.050
Here I go.

00:31:14.050 --> 00:31:16.114
Yeah, well, exactly, I think that's that's.

00:31:16.114 --> 00:31:17.355
You know, we're all in the same boat.

00:31:17.355 --> 00:31:30.009
So, having the thick enough skin to understand that piece of this as well and be you know to what your point is as a really trying to say listen, I'm sure there's moments where you're like, okay, get a breathe here for a second.

00:31:30.009 --> 00:31:33.915
I know the emails are flying, the text messages are going back and forth.

00:31:33.915 --> 00:31:46.373
Let's just, let's just like, let me get ahead of this and put this thing out so that we don't, like Lee said, all of a sudden, when all the you know ores aren't rowing the same way, that's when we're getting you know teeter tottering all the time.

00:31:46.373 --> 00:32:04.538
But I think if you get more people, the more I've always muted, as the more people helping me and the more people that I can delegate out to it's more people that understand that everything they do affects all of us, as opposed to one person just coming in and saying, hey, I think we should do this, you're absolutely right, let's do it.

00:32:04.538 --> 00:32:08.463
And then now that person that says, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, I, you know, I don't have time for that, mike.

00:32:08.463 --> 00:32:11.093
Okay, well then then we're probably not going to do that project.

00:32:11.093 --> 00:32:20.592
But I think it's just really difficult in the youth hockey world, because I think this is this stems to where we talk a lot about the professionalization of youth sports and you know people forget that.

00:32:20.592 --> 00:32:22.453
You know we don't have full time.

00:32:22.453 --> 00:32:29.361
You know equipment managers and travel secretaries and all this stuff that goes on.

00:32:29.361 --> 00:32:34.586
I mean, it was like oh we should get tackled to third jerseys for the upcoming cancer weekend game.

00:32:34.586 --> 00:32:37.053
Yeah, that's great, but that's a huge project.

00:32:37.053 --> 00:32:38.796
Like that's not a little project.

00:32:38.796 --> 00:32:46.111
So, yes, if you could, if you could help us with that and be the leader of that little tiny piece of what we do for the season, so what a great thing that will be.

00:32:46.111 --> 00:32:49.755
But again, just I caution people to start.

00:32:49.755 --> 00:32:59.263
You know, be careful about how you're critiquing what's happening in the internal workings of organizations when you're not willing to step in and help because there is nobody to.

00:32:59.263 --> 00:33:01.006
You know, take that mantle.

00:33:02.270 --> 00:33:02.491
Yeah.

00:33:03.797 --> 00:33:03.958
Yeah.

00:33:04.330 --> 00:33:07.097
So that's my, that's my, that's my soapbox, so it's a don't call me.

00:33:10.392 --> 00:33:16.884
I've seen I love the metaphor, Like I've seen people throw a grenade into the room with Des but she kind of catches it and throws it right back.

00:33:16.884 --> 00:33:18.255
I see that.

00:33:20.073 --> 00:33:23.981
Or, in her case, probably jumping on it you know, like okay, let me save everyone in the room.

00:33:24.309 --> 00:33:26.074
And I think she's done that that happens all the time.

00:33:26.213 --> 00:33:26.714
How many times?

00:33:26.714 --> 00:33:31.703
A little text message changing oh, you know, someone so said that my son should be playing on this kid's line.

00:33:31.703 --> 00:33:34.990
Don't you think that like okay and end the text message right there?

00:33:34.990 --> 00:33:37.698
I've got to get out of this because I'm not going to comment on that.

00:33:37.698 --> 00:33:41.950
If you'd like to know what hotel we're staying at in Pittsburgh, yes, I'll help you with that.

00:33:42.590 --> 00:33:43.531
I'm not going to gossip.

00:33:43.813 --> 00:33:45.715
I'm not going to help you with who's going to be on the power play.

00:33:45.715 --> 00:33:46.236
That's you know.

00:33:46.236 --> 00:33:46.896
Go see coach.

00:33:47.317 --> 00:33:51.545
You know about that and I think the coach is here right as you can, this happened.

00:33:52.109 --> 00:33:53.817
You have, you have contact with him every day.

00:33:53.817 --> 00:33:57.250
No, no, he's no way to get hold of him.

00:33:57.310 --> 00:34:00.932
There's a tournament in San Jose that I heard all the best players are going to.

00:34:00.932 --> 00:34:01.653
Can we do that?

00:34:01.653 --> 00:34:25.219
One more thing I want to jump into before we get to the end of this is just it might kind of brought it up just generic kind of advice here for everybody from a managerial role the importance of communication, because, as I always say, 10 out of 10 problems, all of them involve poor communication and I think from a manager's standpoint it's everything right.

00:34:25.219 --> 00:34:33.920
The ability to communicate good ideas, bad ideas, using your organizational units like TeamSnap or whatever people are using.

00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:40.463
Can you just talk about the importance of communication, maybe how often people should be communicating and how to communicate ideas when you do have them?

00:34:40.974 --> 00:34:41.215
Yeah.

00:34:41.215 --> 00:34:51.860
So I think what's interesting is that sometimes people take on a manager role and they don't realize that, like they assume that everybody knows what they're supposed to be doing.

00:34:51.860 --> 00:34:59.442
So I always assume that everybody I'm speaking to has never played hockey, has never had a kid that's played hockey, has no idea what they're doing.

00:34:59.442 --> 00:35:09.639
So when my communications go out and they're typically at least at the might level, like they're typically weekly it's you know, here, this is the rink that we're at, this is an away game.

00:35:09.639 --> 00:35:14.840
It's at this time, it's at this rink we're wearing this jersey, this person's bringing a snack, you know.

00:35:14.840 --> 00:35:30.364
Whatever it is, again, every single week, it's the same communication, just so that they are aware, you know and again, I'm just assuming that everybody has no idea what the hockey world is like that I'm the only one who's crazy enough to have all these things never faced.

00:35:31.235 --> 00:35:33.603
No, I think that's short but really good advice.

00:35:33.603 --> 00:35:45.601
And I think a lot of times and this is true across the board, I'm not just talking about team managers, it's true for coaching too that you know we don't wanna offend people by thinking that they may or may not know something.

00:35:45.601 --> 00:35:51.302
And I would say, move that ego aside and, like you're saying, assume they don't know anything.

00:35:51.302 --> 00:35:54.081
Right, I want all the information, right.

00:35:54.574 --> 00:35:55.760
Information is always better.

00:35:56.034 --> 00:35:57.494
Then you gotta deal with the people that don't read like.

00:35:57.494 --> 00:36:04.639
The email I just got this morning was we're gonna wear white jerseys to this game, and the next text message was what color jerseys are we wearing to these?

00:36:04.679 --> 00:36:06.304
games the blue ones.

00:36:07.215 --> 00:36:09.400
You just notice the, yeah, the third jersey that you don't have.

00:36:11.436 --> 00:36:12.179
But you're actually right.

00:36:12.179 --> 00:36:22.684
I think that you know, I don't know, dumbing it down is not the right word, but having a formal weekly same, you know the same way it's presented every week, like I love that.

00:36:22.684 --> 00:36:27.822
I love knowing that, okay, if I'm gonna get an email or a text chain, or it's gonna be okay, game is.

00:36:27.822 --> 00:36:39.681
I'm not searching through, wondering, like, all the different information I know time, date, place, what, where, when, boom, thank you, move on, and then you know I saved that in my calendar on my phone and then everything's right there in one place.

00:36:39.681 --> 00:36:44.958
I'm not searching through the seven different emails that went out that week about and I think that's huge.

00:36:44.958 --> 00:36:56.856
You know, I personally can't understand how anybody only works off of email anymore in sports, like I don't know how anybody can't work off an app that gives all that, because once you change it it's changed right Forever.

00:36:56.856 --> 00:36:59.945
There's no like other, like scheduling in there.

00:36:59.945 --> 00:37:03.583
It's like no, no, this is like are we following this schedule or that schedule?

00:37:03.583 --> 00:37:06.244
We're following, you know, desiree's schedule.

00:37:06.244 --> 00:37:06.836
We're following.

00:37:06.836 --> 00:37:16.061
The schedule I put out is the one you have to find and I think the more you do that, the more you get gained trust in your parents and you get the reputation that you're not gonna mess it up.

00:37:16.061 --> 00:37:20.217
People stop questioning it right, cause I can't tell you how many times you know people will be.

00:37:20.217 --> 00:37:27.079
I'll see in youth organization all the time and it'll just even be about where the rank is and what rank is in and then to.

00:37:27.079 --> 00:37:33.403
I mean, I went to a rank one time in the wrong state cause it was the same name rank and I made the mistake of not as the coach.

00:37:33.403 --> 00:37:34.760
I'm like, well, I'm not gonna.

00:37:34.760 --> 00:37:44.163
Why would I even like look this up, like of course they're giving me the name and they're giving me the place and I, and then in my mind I'm going it's just so odd that that game would be so far away.

00:37:44.163 --> 00:37:49.362
And then here I am driving the game and we go there like no, no, that's the rank in in Honeydale or something.

00:37:49.362 --> 00:37:51.541
I'm like what you know, so it's, but it's it's.

00:37:51.541 --> 00:37:54.057
But it's great to have a good manager that understands.

00:37:54.057 --> 00:37:59.922
You know, consistency and and having that information out there, that's almost too much information.

00:37:59.922 --> 00:38:07.179
If you're a quote, unquote hockey person, if you're not, if you're just somebody that has to have the nanny drive them, you just cut and paste all that information.

00:38:07.179 --> 00:38:11.181
It's all there, you know, I think it's messed up or the grandparents have to pick them up.

00:38:11.181 --> 00:38:12.782
It's like everything's right there.

00:38:12.782 --> 00:38:14.059
There's no questions asked.

00:38:14.715 --> 00:38:46.182
And I just like to be transparent honestly, cause I feel like it's hockey is an expensive sport and parents are putting a lot of time and effort into their kid's schedules, and so the more information, the more that they know that they're getting what, what they're paying for essentially and like you know, it's a team manager role is can sometimes be like a very customer service driven role, and so I always have to keep in mind like these are my customers and I need to keep them happy.

00:38:47.235 --> 00:38:55.668
That's an incredible point of view that, in my opinion, I don't think a majority of managers think that way.

00:38:55.668 --> 00:39:06.043
I'm not saying they don't care, but I think that it's just a perspective I haven't heard before, which I really appreciate you sharing because that makes me think right and I also want to put in perspective for the listeners.

00:39:06.043 --> 00:39:08.541
Mikey, you actually just made me remember this.

00:39:08.541 --> 00:39:28.699
So just a trip down memory lane what it used to be like as a manager before email, because I remember this and this might shock you in the sense of how we used to do this, but you would get a big packet at the beginning of the season with all the games and all of the ranks and hopefully some directions to those ranks from major highways.

00:39:28.699 --> 00:39:45.380
But I remember that if there was a chain, a change, we had the phone chain and the manager would call two people and then it would go down the line and we'd all have to call, like we had a responsibility as families to call the next person on that phone chain to make sure that information got out, and that had to be done in a timely manner.

00:39:45.380 --> 00:39:49.782
And so if there was a last second change, it got hectic really quick, but you only had one game a month.

00:39:49.822 --> 00:39:50.869
so what's that big a deal Like?

00:39:50.869 --> 00:39:51.634
Now you have seven games a month.

00:39:52.056 --> 00:39:53.442
I had way more than one game a month.

00:39:53.442 --> 00:39:54.940
It's like, but it's crazy.

00:39:54.980 --> 00:39:57.442
It's like you look at the, but we brought this on ourself, right?

00:39:57.442 --> 00:40:02.985
I mean, you need the technology because you're like well, normal people only go to a soccer game on Sunday at 11.

00:40:02.985 --> 00:40:05.141
That's what a normal human being does.

00:40:05.141 --> 00:40:09.619
They don't go to seven games over the weekend in seven different ranks.

00:40:09.619 --> 00:40:11.961
So I think it's like you know, and then you go to a tournament.

00:40:11.961 --> 00:40:12.365
Forget it.

00:40:12.385 --> 00:40:15.240
If that, if that tournament Mike, if this was normal, we wouldn't have the podcast.

00:40:15.240 --> 00:40:16.659
What are you doing If the tournament gets?

00:40:16.699 --> 00:40:16.963
changed.

00:40:16.963 --> 00:40:21.922
I can't imagine what you would have done 20 years ago if a tournament schedule got changed, like on Thursday.

00:40:21.922 --> 00:40:25.818
Like people are on the road driving in the north, oh, that can't get you there.

00:40:26.039 --> 00:40:26.681
You keep it in mind too.

00:40:26.681 --> 00:40:28.039
It's not like there's cell phones.

00:40:28.039 --> 00:40:28.677
You know this.

00:40:28.677 --> 00:40:31.460
This isn't that long ago we didn't have the cell phones we had today.

00:40:31.460 --> 00:40:34.322
You would just get there and have to figure it out.

00:40:34.695 --> 00:40:36.481
I coached three years of college hockey without a cell phone.

00:40:36.481 --> 00:40:40.702
I go to rinks where a kid wasn't even playing Up in, like I'd travel four hours to go to a game.

00:40:40.702 --> 00:40:42.000
Like, oh no, he got in trouble in school.

00:40:42.000 --> 00:40:42.280
Today.

00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:46.219
The print that you know the whatever his guidance counselor said they can't play.

00:40:46.219 --> 00:40:47.021
I'm like what?

00:40:47.021 --> 00:40:47.842
I mean you can't play.

00:40:47.842 --> 00:40:48.545
I'm all the way up here.

00:40:48.545 --> 00:40:49.766
I mean what are you doing in Maine right now?

00:40:49.766 --> 00:40:51.179
Is that a huge?

00:40:51.179 --> 00:40:52.023
Okay, who's next?

00:40:52.023 --> 00:40:53.099
Who is playing?

00:40:53.355 --> 00:40:57.217
I can see Mike with the flip phone pulling the antenna out and, just you know, hold on a minute.

00:40:57.217 --> 00:40:57.958
It's a battery here.

00:40:58.039 --> 00:40:58.960
I had the box phone.

00:40:58.960 --> 00:40:59.882
I had it with a big box.

00:40:59.882 --> 00:41:02.338
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it started up.

00:41:02.835 --> 00:41:04.039
Yeah, you look like you're in Wall Street.

00:41:04.039 --> 00:41:07.563
There's a there's last question for me.

00:41:07.563 --> 00:41:09.126
I always like to bring this up.

00:41:09.126 --> 00:41:20.141
We're obviously talking about managerial roles and we're talking about you as a mom, but I want to talk about you as a professional too, and one of the reasons I love bringing on guests like you is, aside from the standard.

00:41:20.141 --> 00:41:24.300
It really does put things in perspective because you have a full-time job, like you said, two of them really.

00:41:24.514 --> 00:41:26.019
Oh, you're not the manager of the youth, are you?

00:41:26.019 --> 00:41:27.445
She doesn't even get paid for that.

00:41:27.635 --> 00:41:29.461
No, she gets paid in like snacks once in a while.

00:41:30.139 --> 00:41:32.601
Oh, I was laughing when you said you know the parents expect this.

00:41:32.601 --> 00:41:34.342
I'm like, yeah, but the parents don't even know you don't get paid.

00:41:34.342 --> 00:41:36.240
I don't think they do that we're brought.

00:41:36.481 --> 00:41:48.483
She does not get paid, no, but I will say this that you are, you are just as tremendous as a professional as you are as a manager, right, and I have watched the other thing I didn't say in the intro.

00:41:48.483 --> 00:41:54.083
I watched you go through schooling during all of this too, which it's like to put that on top of it, right.

00:41:54.083 --> 00:42:16.481
So I just want you to express maybe some thoughts or advice for all of us as professionals as we kind of pursue that Cause there's definitely young parents listening here that are trying to pursue a career as well, and it's very, very hard to juggle the professional world and hockey, because you tend to want to be at both or not.

00:42:16.481 --> 00:42:23.523
And again, you, I watched you do that and you did it well, and you're working in a really prestigious school now.

00:42:23.523 --> 00:42:26.822
So could you just maybe share a little bit of thoughts on that.

00:42:28.670 --> 00:42:37.291
Yeah, so I've always had, you know, like the drive and the passion to want to work with kids.

00:42:37.291 --> 00:43:20.474
I work as a child and adolescent therapist and so I've always wanted to help when it comes to mental health with kiddos, and so I feel like, as much as I love hockey and I wish hockey could be my full time job, that passion was always just a tad bit more, and so I, you know, I did go through schooling during COVID and managed to, you know, finish my licensure test and things like that, and it was all challenging, but again, I was driven because I had such a passion for it and I feel like you know anything that you truly have a passion for, you're kind of going to work towards, and that speaks both to hockey and my profession.

00:43:21.813 --> 00:43:25.161
Yeah, we don't even need to be talking about hockey with that one, like you just said.

00:43:25.161 --> 00:43:31.054
Right, it's, it's true, that is a that is a truth that if you want to pursue something, you're going to find a way to do it.

00:43:31.054 --> 00:43:41.990
Yeah, and I think it's also important that you know we showcase people like you, because I think sometimes in life there's a lot of negativity and things of like there's no point I can't do it.

00:43:41.990 --> 00:43:44.760
If you want it, you can do it.

00:43:44.760 --> 00:43:51.057
Right, and I think that that again you're, you're a highlight of that for for not just me but for our listeners.

00:43:51.057 --> 00:43:54.012
Yeah, again, mike starts these episodes frowning.

00:43:54.012 --> 00:43:54.916
Now he's smiling.

00:43:54.916 --> 00:43:56.119
That's that's how these work.

00:43:56.119 --> 00:44:02.262
Every week there's that smile, I'm like, but there's again fantastic interview.

00:44:02.262 --> 00:44:04.996
You know what I'm going to throw one more question in, because I wrote this down.

00:44:04.996 --> 00:44:26.255
I'm looking at this note you said earlier in the episode I think this is actually really important about meeting kids where they're at, and I've heard that many times and I think that it's a thought that needs to be expressed and explained a little bit more, because the more I dove into understanding that, the better of a coach and dad and person I became, because people say, hey, meet the kids where they're at?

00:44:26.255 --> 00:44:31.036
Yeah, can you describe what that actually means, because I think that's a really important point.

00:44:31.489 --> 00:44:36.000
Yeah, it's interesting because it actually pulls in both my profession and my hockey life Right.

00:44:36.039 --> 00:44:37.202
So like the perfect place to end, then.

00:44:38.172 --> 00:44:51.721
As a therapist, you know, I can have a kid sit in front of me and you know, maybe their parent typically parents are the ones who sign kids up for therapy and like their parent feels like their child is just super angry or whatever.

00:44:51.721 --> 00:44:56.836
But then the kids sit in front of me and they're not necessarily angry, they're actually sad.

00:44:56.836 --> 00:45:12.909
And so I trying to identify, like where the child is versus what the parents expectations are, or what the parents dreams or goals or wants are, really is where my as a professional, I have to kind of be.

00:45:12.909 --> 00:45:22.355
I have to ask those questions and really focus on what it is that the child wants, the child needs, the child is dreaming of.

00:45:22.355 --> 00:45:32.543
And so when I meet a child where they're at in my profession, I can help them become better and empower them to be the best versions of themselves.

00:45:32.543 --> 00:45:34.054
And I think that goes for hockey too.

00:45:34.054 --> 00:45:43.085
And in our family, like we have this conversation almost all the time with where our kids are at in their endeavors.

00:45:43.085 --> 00:45:48.262
You know and Braden is very much a driven like this is where I want to be.

00:45:48.262 --> 00:46:02.422
I have dreams of this college and I'm playing for this NHL team and all of those things, right, and so how can I help you reach those goals versus John, who loves soccer and is totally enjoying.

00:46:02.422 --> 00:46:26.458
you know his club, team and stuff and we, you know, we ask him where he wants to go, then he doesn't really know and that's okay, and so kind of just like again meeting them where they're at, but asking those questions like if you don't ask, and you just as a parent, have your own assumptions and your own goals and your own dreams and you're pushing all of that on your kid, none of that's going to be fun for anybody, honestly.

00:46:26.458 --> 00:46:38.001
And so when you, when you ask those questions, not only do you get to know your kid more, but you also help them get to know themself more, and isn't that like what parenting is all about?

00:46:38.150 --> 00:46:39.103
Well, it should be.

00:46:39.103 --> 00:47:03.103
And you know what I love about your answer and this is something like, as I evolve as a coach over 20 plus years, understanding that I might be that person for a kid or a young player that I'm not their parent and they might feel comfortable talking to me or asking me questions that that, with their parents not there, they wouldn't normally ask and I have to meet them where they're at Right.

00:47:03.103 --> 00:47:11.536
And I also understand, as a parent, the freedom and the importance of that freedom there is for that child to be able to go to another adult and express themselves.

00:47:11.536 --> 00:47:21.630
Now, I always want to be that for my kids, but but you know, this is where I have to remember being a kid and they I didn't always want to talk to my parents about everything going on right, I want to talk to somebody else.

00:47:21.630 --> 00:47:36.039
So I think multiple levels to what you just said that we have to remember, especially in youth sports period actually this goes beyond sports but just to meet these kids where they're at and understanding that sometimes it's important to ask questions.

00:47:36.039 --> 00:47:40.380
Then just listen and maybe not say too much and just understand that.

00:47:40.380 --> 00:47:42.452
You know, I understand that that's how you feel today.

00:47:42.452 --> 00:47:44.818
Yeah right and we.

00:47:44.818 --> 00:47:58.271
There's a whole nother episode on that and the mental side of the game, but I wanted to dive into that because it's an important aspect of life and mentorship, of meeting kids where they're at, and I don't think we do that as enough as adults.

00:47:58.914 --> 00:47:59.114
Yeah.

00:47:59.335 --> 00:47:59.655
I agree.

00:47:59.655 --> 00:48:02.161
So, Mike, do you have any final questions?

00:48:02.161 --> 00:48:04.233
I'm I was loving this episode.

00:48:04.233 --> 00:48:05.237
This has been great so far.

00:48:05.750 --> 00:48:17.360
No, no, it's great advice and if you could get, like I said, if you I think that's what some of the beauties about having your kids play with with adults in sport right is that you hope that if they can't talk to you, that they could talk to them there.

00:48:17.360 --> 00:48:23.226
You know our kids are around these coaches, Sometimes almost as much as the parents, I mean.

00:48:23.226 --> 00:48:24.275
So it's like you know just how.

00:48:24.275 --> 00:48:27.653
And then I think, as a parent, you know finding that coach that you can trust.

00:48:27.653 --> 00:48:35.695
You know, I don't know, you know, not in a weird way just trust that they can be, they'll get because they're going to be a good person, and trust that they're going to be like.

00:48:35.695 --> 00:48:44.074
I know my high school kids used to hate me because I would always hear them like, oh, so, and so is going out of town, he's having a party, and I'd be like the first one calling the parent.

00:48:44.074 --> 00:48:49.539
Be like hey, listen, just by the way, you're gonna have 20 hockey kids in your house on Friday night and you might want to heads up.

00:48:49.539 --> 00:48:52.333
Now my kids are like, oh, this is BS and what the hell's wrong with this.

00:48:52.333 --> 00:48:56.010
Guy's a narc and that I'm like I said I get it.

00:48:56.010 --> 00:48:56.592
I get it.

00:48:56.592 --> 00:48:58.117
But I said that's my job.

00:48:58.117 --> 00:49:02.298
If I hear it, I, you know I got to react to it and do I like doing that?

00:49:02.298 --> 00:49:06.981
No, but I also don't want to wake up Saturday morning here, a kid, you know, wrap this car around a tree.

00:49:06.981 --> 00:49:09.019
So I think it's just, I think it was all like.

00:49:09.019 --> 00:49:17.471
For me it was more about like the trust that guys, you know, or, if you don't want me to tell your parents and come see me about what maybe some good options might be for you.

00:49:17.471 --> 00:49:22.775
Now, if you're gonna tell me you're gonna get stoned and drunk, then I'm probably gonna be like, oh, that's a great option, you know.

00:49:22.775 --> 00:49:33.293
But tell me, like tell me, what you, what you think you're accomplishing by this, and what you want to do, and then let's go back and let's discuss what your goals were at the beginning of the year and where you wanted to be at the end of the year.

00:49:33.293 --> 00:49:34.516
Did those two things mesh?

00:49:34.516 --> 00:49:38.842
If they don't mesh, then maybe this isn't the right environment for you, right?

00:49:38.842 --> 00:49:56.875
So I think, as, as our kids get older and they're, and they're with coaches, that's, you know, that's one of the reasons I, you know, in in Desiree, you know, you're probably in a great spot at the prep school is that the kids are in there kind of a long term play, like they're not in there for five months, like in youth hockey, and you talk to me, see the kid, for you know, four, five, six months at the most.

00:49:56.875 --> 00:50:01.333
Like you get to, you know, see these kids, you know, through their maturation process.

00:50:01.333 --> 00:50:22.286
That's a word, but it's just a matter of like seeing them, seeing them in a place where you watch them grow and and and the coaches become so influential in that growth because they have them for such a longer period of time and in out of the classroom and in and out of social aspects of the of life.

00:50:22.286 --> 00:50:39.670
That's why you know these school programs are so important, I think, because it allows all the other adults in the room to be a part of that players maturation process and their growth, as opposed to just a crazy hockey coach and a crazy hockey dad and you put them together and they're going to.

00:50:39.670 --> 00:50:45.402
They're going to, they're going to push this kid in a direction that maybe it's not the healthiest for that child and you know.

00:50:45.402 --> 00:50:56.661
So what you're doing is great and I'm sure you have your, your lot of challenges within that environment, but I think it's so important for parents to see you know why those environments are so important for for for a lot of our kids.

00:50:59.414 --> 00:51:00.376
Mike, I want to let you know.

00:51:00.376 --> 00:51:02.882
I looked it up and maturation is a word.

00:51:04.192 --> 00:51:04.713
Okay, good.

00:51:04.773 --> 00:51:08.202
And you said it correctly, so that's the word of the day.

00:51:08.202 --> 00:51:20.876
Finally finally, this has been a great interview, I would say you five kids, 2.5 managerial roles, full-time jobs, audience like what's your excuse?

00:51:20.876 --> 00:51:24.291
Joking aside, look, it motivates me.

00:51:24.291 --> 00:51:31.474
It's inspiring to me, and Mike as well, to see someone in your position and to do it with such a huge heart.

00:51:31.474 --> 00:51:32.637
I really mean that.

00:51:32.637 --> 00:51:34.891
I noticed that about you from the day I met you.

00:51:34.891 --> 00:51:35.835
You really care.

00:51:35.835 --> 00:51:42.646
You really care about these kids, you care about the families, care about your own family, and you're just trying to do the best job you can do.

00:51:42.646 --> 00:51:48.601
I don't know what more we can ask for, right as coaches, as parents, as people in the game.

00:51:48.601 --> 00:51:50.614
So, des, I want to thank you for coming on today.

00:51:50.614 --> 00:51:51.757
This has been a wonderful interview.

00:51:52.257 --> 00:51:53.041
Thank you for having me.

00:51:53.610 --> 00:51:53.771
Yeah.

00:51:53.771 --> 00:51:56.842
So that's going to do it for this edition of our kids play hockey.

00:51:56.842 --> 00:52:03.510
Remember, des, remember that anytime you're having a hard day unless you have more than five kids, it's going to do it.

00:52:03.510 --> 00:52:05.501
All the episodes available on ourkidsplayhockeycom.

00:52:05.501 --> 00:52:11.630
Make sure to share this in your team snaps wherever you do it We've been talking about this, especially your team managers, I think.

00:52:11.630 --> 00:52:15.721
Again, inspirational episode, kind of let us know that we're all in this together.

00:52:15.721 --> 00:52:17.213
It takes a village people, all right.

00:52:17.213 --> 00:52:19.599
So again, all the episodes available ourkidsplayhockeycom.

00:52:19.599 --> 00:52:21.193
Wherever you listen to podcasts.

00:52:21.193 --> 00:52:22.036
You have a wonderful week.

00:52:22.036 --> 00:52:24.094
We'll see you on the next, our Kids Play Hot.

00:52:24.094 --> 00:52:24.635
Take care everybody.

00:52:24.635 --> 00:52:28.242
We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

00:52:28.242 --> 00:52:37.702
Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value, wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network or our website, ourkidsplayhockeycom.

00:52:37.702 --> 00:52:42.902
Also, make sure to check out our children's book when Hockey Stops at whenhockeystopscom.

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It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life.

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We're very proud of it.

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But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.