Our Girls Play Hockey: The Guilt of Missing Hockey: What Players and Parents Need to Hear

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another episode of Our Girls Play Hockey. I'm Leah Lias, joined by my co-host, Haley Skimora. And today we're talking about a topic that a lot of players and parents and sometimes coaches deal with, but rarely say out loud the guilt, the guilt, the guilt of not always being at hockey. Now, maybe it's missing a practice for a school event, saying no to a tournament to play another sport, or just wanting a weekend off to reset, which is virtually impossible to do during the season, but suddenly you feel like you're letting your team down, or you're falling behind, or worse, your coach makes you feel like you're letting the team down. This is something we experience sometimes. We're gonna unpack that pressure today, why it exists, how it affects players and families, and what balance really looks like in a hockey culture that often runs 12 months a year. I always say there's only 12 more months to go. Uh sometimes I get quizzical looks with that, Haley, but people look at look at me like that. But um, yeah, look, this is a real thing that people deal with. There's this massive guilt that comes from a lot of different directions, can come from parents, can come from the kids. Uh, sometimes I think coaches uh play an unfair role in this. But Haley, look, you lived hockey at every level, uh, youth to college to pro. Did you ever feel that guilt or pressure to always be at the rink? And and uh, you know, even if you needed the break, I'm sure you still felt it.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Yeah, I definitely did, especially growing up. And then honestly, even now, there's times where you know you feel guilty doing it when you need to. But um overall, you just have to remember, you have to do what's best for you, and only you know your body and what you can handle and what you need. Um, and no one else can really judge you for that, even though they might try. So you have to kind of have like that strong uh inner will and kind of know what you need.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Yeah, and I think that that's um, you know, something that parents can help kids with as well. I think if you're an older athlete, you're much more in tune with that. Um, I think sometimes when you're younger, I think the parents feel this massive obligation. I I'll tell you what, when I started coaching my kids, which is six years ago, uh, and I love being at the rink, but I did, I felt like, man, if we can't miss a practice, we can't miss a game. Um, and I'm not gonna lie to you, to all the parents listening right now, I don't really have that problem. I I'm okay, you know, it depends on the weekend, depends on the situation, but I'm okay missing a practice for a family event. I'm also I'm also okay with my kids missing practice for orchestra, which which my son is in, or for a birthday party or other things like that. Again, depends on the event, depends on the timing. You know, sometimes the hockey does win out, but Haley, let me just say that and like let's start from there. Like it's okay, right? It's okay sometimes to prioritize other things over hockey. Again, as long as you're gauging it. I I mean, I don't want to say this is always okay if you have a huge thing going on, but right, it's okay to miss sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Absolutely. And I think you have to kind of prioritize things, like you were saying, like a family event. You know, family is so important. I think as you get older, you kind of realize that. And as a kid, you might not know like how many times you're seeing these people. And um, it's super important to like establish those relationships and then school things or orchestra, like you were saying, like maybe those are things that your kids enjoy doing and maybe they want to be able to experience that and hockey and not have to always give up um, you know, the other thing and always go to hockey. Maybe they want to switch things up. So do you normally like ask like your kids or are they like excited to go to orchestra that day, or how does that work with your family?

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Well, you the way orchestra works is I mean, there's only a few concerts a year. So it's an easy, hey, we're doing that. Uh, and they're typically not like on a Saturday during game time, so usually it's a practice that you're missing. Um, so I don't I don't typically ask. It's okay, you got orchestra tonight. That's that's what we're doing. Um, you know, if it's other sports, you know, I'm asking, but it's only because I'm gauging where they're at what they want to do. Um, like I don't feel like I put pressure on my kids that you got to choose hockey over something else. I actually look at it the other way is if they're picking something else over hockey, maybe maybe that's something I should be paying attention to. Uh, fortunately for me, they're mostly picking hockey. Yeah, but but yeah, no, I mean, you know, sometimes I'll give them the the option to have a discussion about it, but you got to gauge your kid, right? I also don't want them to manipulate that situation. Uh, you know, I'm one of those parents that's like, if you don't go, you still have to do something. It's not like you just sit at home and play Fortnite for two hours, right? So that's part of parenting.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Yeah, I think that's a big difference to like yeah, like you're not just sitting at home watching TV all day, like skipping hockey. It's like, no, you're doing something like either for family or for school or whatever that might be.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Yeah, I'm I'm very fortunate in that. Um, and I hope I hope this is true for most of the listeners. That my kids want to go to hockey. Like, I don't ever have to fight them to go to practice, right? Yeah. Um, I mean, the only time I wouldn't say I'm fighting them is if if they're ill, you know, I have to think twice. I have to think about the other players on the team, the other families on the team, um, and also where they're at. Now, luckily, my wife is a is a physician, so I I I basically have someone giving a green light at home. I'm very blessed at that. Um, but yeah, no, most of the time they want to go. And you know, Haley, I do want to I do want to say one thing that you mentioned before um about family, you know, and I'll just give real talk, you know. Uh I'll just be blunt about it. You never know how much time you have left with any of your family members, right? So if there's some big event coming up, um I I nowadays I almost always say you should do that. Okay. Um, you know, if you I'm sure most of the audience, some of the audience has lost someone, you you can't get the time back. So you gotta gauge that. All right. Now, if somebody you've seen every single day, all right, that's one thing. If it's someone who's in town and they're visiting, um, you know, you you should make a judgment call on that, right? Just just again, not to make it too severe, but um I thought that was a really important point that you brought up. You know, so another big question we get when it comes to this topic is well, what is the repercussion if I miss? If I miss practice, do I lose my spot? Do I lose the coach's trust? You know, like and I think is this I think that if you're missing a practice, again, we're not talking habitually here, and your coach is really giving you a hard time, especially in the younger half of youth hockey, that's kind of a red flag to me. All right. I don't know too many youth hockey games or practices that are so important that if you miss that one, it is the end of the world. All right. Even coaches, even if you're preparing for the big tournament and or a big game, I I just think in the grand scheme of things, I don't know. Now you we should talk about this too. Maybe it is, maybe it is, and maybe you want this player there. You know, Haley, how would you communicate that to a player? Or how do you even compartmentalize this situation uh from your point of view, right? You can take the player point of view, I'll take the coaching point of view.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Well, as a player, I think it's important that you're always having those open lancing communications with your coach.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Uh, so you have to be comfortable enough to go to your coach and also give them time, like a heads up if you are gonna miss something. Like you don't want to do it the day of, I would say has to be more than 24 hours before, I think would be a typical, like proper heads up. And you know, because the coach is preparing in there, have a practice plan and things like that. And then all of a sudden, if people are missing, it messes things up. And I totally understand that.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yes, I'm glad you said that. I'll comment on that in a minute.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

I'm sure. And uh so yeah, as a player, you just have to have that respect. And like I said, open line communication, talk to your coach, let them know why you're missing, what you can do to make up for it. Maybe you can say, hey, like what's the practice plan for that day? Like, I would love to, you know, we can talk about it after. Like, there's so many things you can do, I think, to kind of um you know alleviate that situation if you do have to miss.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Spoken like a true, accountable, professional hockey player. Yeah, no, every everything you said is is true. And I wish we we actually had more families practice this because I'll tell you this right now. I I don't think, at least for me, I can't speak for every coach. I don't think everybody understands the preparation we put into our practices. And yes, your kid not being there, if it's the same night, can really disrupt the preparation that I've done, especially if I'm picking players for different teams or doing different drills. Like we we have a lot of numbers that go into this. So, parents, I I would just, you know, hopefully assume that your coach has a plan. All right. I would say this too, adversely, just let us know when you know. I don't care how far out it is. If you know, put it on my radar. Um, and you know, I what I try and do is um a lot on the wording, right? Like I can tell you coaches hate this. Hey, uh Johnny's not gonna be a practice tonight, he has orchestra. Like, to me, that's so unprofessional. Whereas it could be, hey coach, I just want to let you know my kid has an orchestra concert. Um, you know, we'd like to miss this practice. Are you okay with that? Right now, the answer might not matter to you parents, whether they say yes or no. Most coaches are gonna be okay with that. Okay, but it's just the professional courtesy of hey, you're taking the time to prepare, you're volunteering your time. All right. I just want to let you know my kid has another obligation tonight. Um, and I like what you said. Is there anything I can do to make up? Is there a video I can watch? I say this all the time. Great coaches want to coach. We want to coach, so give us the opportunity to coach. But if you're gonna power strong arm us of uh, no, we've got this thing, we're not coming, that doesn't come across right. Now, let's go adversely again. I also don't think it's okay for the coach going, no, we have a really big game against the 12th place team this weekend. And if your kid's not there, they won't be prepared. That's extreme too. All right. Now I will I will say this, and Haley, I'll bring you back in on this. The older you get, or I should say the higher of a level you get, um, the this discussion becomes a little a little harder. All right. Like, I do understand at uh 19U junior college, like the obligation's a little different. Like you want everybody to be there to be prepared. Um, but typically there's a conversation that happens, right? Um, and most coaches are understanding, but if you're barring a 12-year-old, that's just I mean, I'm laughing because it's ridiculous. Yes, all right. This is assuming, and Helen will throw it back in a minute. This is assuming the kid's not missing 15 practices a year, right? All right, like like this is just maybe like a once-in-a-while thing to have other interests. If you're missing 15 practices, we'll talk about that later, right? But it going back to the main question, right? Like, there shouldn't be this associated guilt from the coach or the organization, right? Or the parent for that matter.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Yeah, like it doesn't mean you don't care about hockey or you don't like hockey. I think that's a common misconception that you have to like live, breathe, and eat hockey all the time at such a young age. It's like kids are allowed to have other interests, it makes them a better hockey player in the long run if they do have other interests, in my opinion. So I think it's super important to cultivate that and not punish the player for that.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Yeah, and to be fair to you, it's not just your opinion. Like the every study shows what you just said is true. They need to have diverse interests. This is also, and this is what I like to say. This is also part of growing a human being, right? Like we're supposed to, it's when we teach them how to eat, you gotta try new things, you gotta try different foods, see what you like, what you don't like. Uh, you know, or as a friend of mine once said, if you only eat chocolate ice cream, how will you know if you do or don't like vanilla? Right? True, yeah. So that's another one. Now, another uh one we have to address is this of well, um, I can't miss because it's gonna disrupt my hockey development. There is no one practice that is going to disrupt your development as a hockey player. Um, and if if you believe that, I don't know what what to tell you, right? Because the the development of a hockey player, first off, takes place over decades. Okay, I was gonna say years, takes place over decades, and so much of that development is really on the onus of the child just putting the time in. So if you think that I'm trying to think of a good metaphor here, if you think showing up to one practice is going to drastically change the course of your development, I it's just not true, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Yep, absolutely. And I think um, you know, if you really want to like get the reps in, you can get them in your head, you can visualize it. You can literally visualize yourself at practice, and then it's like you're doing the reps, like there's actual studies when you're visualizing something, it activates the same muscles in your body, right? So absolutely there's ways around it.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Yeah, no, a hundred percent. And again, and it's important to do it, right? I'm gonna say it too. Like, you know, you're obsessed with the game, I'm obsessed with the game. There's no there's no uh sugarcoating that we think about this game most of the time, but I also and you also have other interests, we have other things that we do. Um, and again, it's like hockey's never far away. I can always find the hockey in whatever I'm doing, but man, if I don't take a break from hockey every once in a while, it can become overwhelming. Um, and look, I'd be lying if I didn't say my love for the game never waned, but there's there's points of burnout, there's points of I just need a minute, you know. Yes, you know. Can you talk about twofold here that you know what other interests you have, right? And that you know, you feel this too, right? Even as is in the in the stature of where you're at, you still feel this from time to time.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Absolutely. Uh for me, I kind of had to find other hobbies after like college and going into like my professional career when I kind of started to have a little bit more downtime and when it felt like sometimes hockey felt like only a job. And I was kind of forgetting that it was it's like a game that I love and that I enjoy doing with my friends and things like that. You get kind of caught up in everything. Um and so for me, it was really important at that point to kind of find other things I enjoy doing. Uh personally, I love doing puzzles at home. I love uh just relaxing, watching Netflix, hanging out with my dog, my boyfriend, my family. Um downtown with family is probably like my absolute favorite thing to do, especially in the summer, because like I don't really see them during the season. Uh that's kind of why I was alluding to that, I think at the beginning of the call about family time and things like that. And um I think that's how I recharge the best is when I spend time with my close, you know, my boyfriend, my family, and uh loved ones, it's how I kind of get that rejuvenation back because it's a long season. You're going to I'm going to hockey every single day, video, watching my own video, workouts, skates. It it adds up. And then there's a lot of travel along with it. And so for me, it's super important that I have kind of things outside that I enjoy doing.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

Um, another fun thing our teammates are doing this year is a book club. Uh so yes, so we've been putting some votes in for that. And that's going to be another fun thing I'm looking forward to. That's not hockey related at all to do during the season.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

And I won't ask you what books you're reading out of professional respect there. But you know, Haley, which does too, like you're a pro, right? And that's the life of a pro athlete. It's it is your job, but you still have to find ways to to simmer down from time to time. And again, I'm saying that to everybody here because that's why I'm saying it's okay to go see your family, it's okay to go to that holiday dinner. Uh, it's okay to go to that concert, right? The other thing too is I think for parents, um, you know, we've we talk about this on a lot of episodes. There's this um unfair pressure that I think we put on our kids sometimes because we are all spending such stupid amounts of money on this game. And I I always warn parents be careful with the do you know how much we're spending on you talk. I want to say this there are times for that talk. I am not telling you not to have that talk with your kids if they're being disrespectful, uh, or you know, they're breaking sticks left and right. Yeah, there needs to be an understanding of this is not a free, free thing. Okay, but but I would never use that of now, we can't go see our family tonight because we're paying all this money. Parents, think about the the the way a child might interpret that, all right? Because what you're teaching them is okay, value uh uh money is more valuable than family. Um, I don't personally agree with that. All right, I'm I'm not saying money is not important, right? But I'm I am saying that my family comes first, right? Like money provides me things to be with my family. That's where I'm coming from. My guess is if you're listening to this show, you're in the same boat with that. Okay, but you got to be careful with those messages because the kids will start equating everything to money, right? And then the youth hockey becomes a job. All right, you want to burn your kid out, that's a great way to do it. Okay, so just be really careful with with those things. You know, here's another, Haley. You know, uh, I always say focus on behavior, focus on the behavior. You know, if you ask your kid, um, you know, how you feeling you want to go to hockey, and they go, uh, fine, fine. You know, fine is usually not fine, right? Right? And you gotta pay attention to that. And and you had asked me before, do you give them the option? Um, sometimes I have to parent, like sometimes they want to go to practice, and it's like we're gonna go see our family tonight. Okay, I'll give you a great example. Um, over Thanksgiving break, um, very proud of my son, goaltender. Again, he made his middle school varsity team. Um, and he was uh chosen to to start the game for the homecoming. Um and we had a family event that night. Now, this is a tough situation because I I really don't want to pull him out of that game. And so I called it's funny to talk about calling the coach. I called my cousin who we're going to see them at their house, and I said, Look, here's the deal. You know, we can show up a little later. And to her credit, she was so understanding. Her daughter, her daughter played played sports and understood, and we did find a way to do both. All right, but but I didn't just go, No, we're not going to see the family. I told my son, hey, we're gonna play the game. I need you to leave quickly afterwards. They went overtime, by the way. It was pretty awesome. Of course. Yeah, yeah. He had some very happy when he left, and we went right to my right to my cousin's house, right? Yeah, um, there's understanding there, right? But that was a good compromise, and it happened to work out. So I'm just saying, focus on behavior. Uh, make sure that you're you're telling your kids what's important. Family is important, uh, expanding your interests is important. Okay. Um, you know, I I know parents are like, oh no, we did something else tonight. What'd you do? Oh, we went to an NHL game instead. Well, okay, that's that's awesome. But I don't know if that's getting away. And again, Haley, I I love to write. Uh, you know, I again maybe I'm unique in that regard. Love to broadcast, I love all the other things I get to do. I love my animals. Like, like, give those things time. Yep. All right, don't take those, especially from the kids, don't take those away. Right. But like, if a kid says they're fine, right? It they probably need a break, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Yeah, definitely. I think there could be some other signs too. I was kind of just thinking about it. And, you know, if like maybe they keep having a nagging injury from like overworking, right? Like a pulled muscle or things like that. Like, and I've heard nine-year-olds getting that. And I'm like, you should not be having like a hip flexor issue, okay? Like that is not what you're supposed to be experiencing right now. Um, maybe they're getting sick a lot, maybe they're getting like colds more consistently than a typical kid, like little things like that. I think some maybe some signs you gotta like maybe rein in a little bit um and give them a little bit of rest.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Well, and look, I have seen coaches uh play their kids sick, play kids with I'm not getting like broken bones, like you know, toes. We're talking to I'm not talking arms or anything like that. Um yeah, that would be a little much. I I will say that um look, it's up to each and every parent and and person to kind of make that judgment call. Um, I I would say this there is I'm gonna go both ways here. There is some value in proving to your kid or your kid proving to themselves you can do it when you're not a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Okay. I I'm not against that, right? Like, but there's also value in no, you're really sick. Yeah, and you need to rest. Okay. Yeah. Um, but you gotta gauge each one of those. I think it's a mix and a match. You know, if my kids are getting over a cold, I try never to bring my kids anywhere if they're actually sick and can spread it. Yeah, but if they're in that kind of like like after effects where it's like not 100%, but they're probably not giving it to anybody. I want you to go. I want you to push yourself, I want you to see what you can do. Um, same thing with with again, there's a difference between injuries and and you know other things, right? It's yes, okay, my leg hurts. Okay, well, let's look at it. Can you play through it? Right. If it's I have a hamstring that's pulled, no, you're going to sit out tonight. Yeah. So that like again, this all comes back to the do I always have to be at hockey, right? You bring up a good point here, too, Haley. About where we're talking about families and things, injuries are sometimes a reason to sit out. I know you want to be there, right? But the amount of kids I've seen injured come back too early, and then you really get injured. Yeah, um, parents, you don't want that, you don't want that for your kids. I can tell you that right now. Um, here's another thing. We're talking about coaching is coaching judging coaches judging the players, talked about players judging the players, talked about players judging themselves. What about teammates?

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Right?

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Uh, teammates can start judging you if you're never there, too. And I actually think it's on the coach to create a culture and an environment where there's understanding of that. I think it's important where I'll give you bring up the orchestra again, where teammates might say, You didn't play because of music. Yeah, coach, you got to step in and be like, Yeah, I think it's awesome that this player is in the orchestra, right? Here's why, because I love music and I think that's a really great thing, right? The culture matters with these things too. I don't think teammates should ever be, you know, outside your general just ribbing each other for fun, be seriously giving each other pressure over this.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Yeah, because I think that's probably the hardest pressure a player might face would be from their teammates, like because they also don't want to let down their teammates. That's probably one of their biggest fears in terms of not going to an event. Uh, and so to then, if you were to then hear it, I think that would be really hard for a kid to kind of get over. So I think you're right, it's a super important kind of culture item to make sure from the get-go, like that's addressed that it's okay. And um, for the teammates to support each other overall. But a little, a little teasing here and there is typical.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

But oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get if you're if you can't handle that, you're not gonna you'll burn out pretty quick. You know, let's let's dive into the internal a little bit here, too, because um I think we've done a great job of establishing where this guilt can come from, but feeling that guilt is a is another avenue, right? So, what would you say to a young player? And I can jump in on this too, that maybe is feeling that guilt of uh, you know, and it it could be coming from any direction. Mom and dad wouldn't let me go, or I don't want to go. You know, what how do you navigate the psyche of that?

SPEAKER_02 23:23

It's funny. I'm kind of thinking like for myself right now. I think what I do for my own kind of mental health is like if I do ever feel guilty for missing something or allowing myself to rest, what I remind myself is I'm allowing myself to rest so I can be my best for the team later on.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

It's uh kind of like the delayed gratification, right? So like in the moment, it doesn't, it might not feel great. Uh, you might feel like you're letting people down, but like in the long run, I feel like it's gonna pay off for you more than if you tried to push it at the beginning and then you kind of keep setting yourself back, and then you're not your best for your team and for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

No, I love that too. And you know, another thing too that I tell my players, I always say live with your decisions, right? And some of it is just maybe taking a look at what happened, exploring that guilt. Okay, ask this. Here's a good question. Ask why do I feel guilty? Like I think sometimes we feel things, but we don't learn to question the feeling, right? Well, why do I feel guilty? And maybe the answer is well, I really wanted to be a practice tonight, and I had to do something else instead. Now, when I say live with your decision, there also has to be an acknowledgement of okay, that's done. Like that we can't go back and change it now. Yeah, it's done. So the question now becomes, well, what can I learn from this for the future? All right, and and that should generate questions, right? Um, like again, I'll just keep using the orchestra or the band one just because we're using it. But you know, the question should be, well, do you enjoy orchestra? Do you enjoy playing music? And hopefully the answers I really do. Then it's okay to miss. Okay, like this is something else you enjoy. Now, if it's I hate these things, I don't want to do these things. Now it's actually a good exploration because maybe you shouldn't be doing that if you don't want to do that. Maybe that's not something you want to do. Now, I also know for a fact that there are kids out there that do not have a choice for some of these things. It's mom or dad is making you do piano or making you do orchestra. Uh, for the kids listening, I cannot tell your parents how to parent. That is an individual journey that we have to go. But I would encourage everybody to have conversations about that, right? Um, and I'm not saying kids, if you go to your mom and dad and say, Hey, I hate piano, that that means you're gonna stop paying piano. Mom and dad typically do know what they're doing, yeah. Okay, but explore your emotions, explore your behavior, all right, and try and identify the why. But also, I I gotta say this again if it's done, it's done. Don't live in the past with it. Yeah, all right. Guilt is typically a past triggered emotion, right? It's not something that you typically feel too far beyond what happened, right? It's it's it's something you think about. So if you're feeling that learn, it's an opportunity to learn. It's just like making a mistake on the ice, right? Don't live in the mistake. You gotta, we talked about that a lot, Haley, right? You gotta keep moving forward no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

That's a good point. Yeah, I think it's super important to be aware of your feelings and be able to identify them. And that's a big part about growing up and learning how to manage your emotions. And so I think that's a great life lesson, not just for in hockey, but in life, what you were kind of mentioning.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Yeah, no, I appreciate that. I mean, look, we're getting ready to round this out. I mean, I I think what we should do is just talk to the parents because that's our primary audience when we're talking about how we can maybe even reframe the idea of missing out. Um, because here's the deal I actually think you may be missing out of hockey if you go to do something else, but the larger question would be you might be missing out of something else by always going to hockey. And I I feel like I have to keep reiterating this. I'm not talking about like 15 times a year here or anything like that, parents. Like, like you should be going to practice, you should be going to games, all right. But things do come up because it's like, ah, we're missing hockey for this. That phrase sometimes kind of kind of freaks me out. It's like, you know, I'm gonna sound really kind of corny here, but it's like, no, I'm enriching my kids' mind tonight by doing this. You know, how can we reframe it where it's not that guilt? And and again, Haley, this episode spawned from from you, right? Saying that this is something you wish when you were a kid, yeah, there was some more leniency on, right? And it you again, when you say things like that, I actually really I I really think about it because like I of where you are now, right? And I think it could be easy for you to say, nope, we did everything. If I missed anything, I would never be with the Montreal skyline behind me right now, and and on the on the rivalry series team. But I think you're even saying it, right? That like, no, I I would have been fine. I like because your love for the game was not waning. You just needed a break sometimes. You wanted that chance. Can you dive into that for a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Absolutely. My in and this is coming from my dad, was my coach growing up. Okay, he was the biggest, he worked so hard on those practice plans. So, like, I know he would get so frustrated if people bailed last minute. Like, I 1000% get it. Um, but it's just super, I just am such a huge advocate in terms of making sure you're following other passions and not just putting everything into hockey. I just see so many kids nowadays, all they're doing is hockey and they just burn out eventually. And they also aren't like gaining those other life skills. Uh, and like other sports also help you with that. Doesn't have to be something separate from uh athletics. It can be other sports, it could be orchestra, it could be after-school activities, acting, singing, who knows, anything. And uh, like you were saying, it's enriching the kids' lives. And I just think it's super important to kind of uh facilitate that and to make sure that they don't think hockey's the end all be all. It's super important to know that it's a game, you're supposed to have fun, be with your friends, and there's life outside of hockey.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

I love that, Haley. And I and I'll I'll reiterate something I think we said a long time ago that you know we talk about again, I said reframing, right? It's it's not a sacrifice, it's a choice. And I think that's that's part of the key here, too, is you you you do have to make a choice, all right? But it's a choice, right? It's it's not a sacrifice, there's a difference here, right? Like I think if you're sacrificing that's an that's not a good thing, right? If you're sacrificing family for hockey, that doesn't ring right to me. It's adversely, if you're sacrificing hockey for something else, that doesn't sound right. No, I'm I'm choosing to do music tonight, right? I'm choosing to be a kid tonight, right? So yeah, parents, coaches, and players. Uh, just something to think about. Do I always have to go to hockey? Short answer is no. The long answer is this entire podcast, so I'm not gonna say that again. Haley, this was great, great topic that you brought up here. I'm sure the audience really appreciated it.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Yeah, absolutely. It's something I'm very passionate about. So thanks for chatting with me about it. I love the reframing method that you were kind of talking about. I think that's huge for parents and kids.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Yeah, well, it thank you. That's our goal of the show. I also have to say, for those of you listening, I got to see the sunset in Montreal tonight behind Haley. Very, very beautiful. That skyscrapher wasn't fully lit up when we started, but now it is.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yeah, it is pretty cool. And a nice reminder to all of you that all of our shows are available on YouTube as well as uh wherever you're listening on the podcast. So that's gonna do it for this edition of Our Girls Play Hockey. Remember, you can email us any topics you want at team at our kidsplayhockey.com. Uh, or there's a link accompanying this episode in the show description. If you click that, uh, put your name, tell us where you're at. If you have questions for Haley or me or the general population of the Our Kids Play Hockey Network, you can put it there. That's gonna do it for this episode, though, for Haley. I'm Lee. We'll see you in the next Our Girls Play Hockey. Almost missed that. Our girls play hockey. Take care, everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kidsplayhockey.com. Also, make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey Stops, at When Hockey Stops.com. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode.