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Hello hockey friends and families around the world and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Playhockey, now powered by NHL Sensorina.
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I'm Leo Elias and I'm joined as always by my favorite line mates, mike Benelli and Kristi Kiasciano Burns, and today we are joined by the parents of an NHL player.
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Many of you know Cam Atkinson, who currently plays for the Philadelphia Flyers, but what you may not know about Tom and Ellen Atkinson is that they are the parents of five boys, all who have played hockey.
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Tom and Ellen met in Vancouver before moving to the east coast where Ellen is from, where they started their family.
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Ellen is the owner of Consigned Designs, which she has owned for 18 years, and Tom runs finance operations for a private hedge fund in Manhattan.
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And while we all know, as parents, we have our quote unquote real jobs.
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Hockey runs in the blood for this family.
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For all you listeners who have been asking us for another episode with parents who have successfully navigated the road to the NHL, this one's for you, tom Ellen, it's a pleasure to have you here today.
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Welcome to Our Kids Playhockey Good morning Good morning.
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Thanks for being here.
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You know I want to start with this question.
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We speak a lot on this show about the values of youth hockey, but I know that all of us who are parents in the game wonder what does it really take?
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What kind of sacrifices and determination from both the player and the parents does it take to have a child get all the way to the NHL?
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I know at one point in your lives you had kids on four teams at once.
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So why don't you tell us a little bit about the hockey journey as parents and the five boys that you have raised successfully?
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I'll put it that way Go ahead Ellen.
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I know you can't wait.
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It was all a blur, let me tell you, but it took a team, and Tom had to be a huge part of all this, because four kids at one time were on a team.
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We were so lucky that we belonged to a small little private skating club that backed the games up on the weekends.
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The mites, squirts, peewees, bantams, one played right after the other.
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So we were literally on the road when they were very small, watching four games at the least amount, four games a day every Saturday and then every Sunday back to back.
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We also had the help of others that if we had to go in two different directions, they would help us too.
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But quite honestly, tom, when they were young, we were together back to back at each arena throughout Connecticut, mostly watching games, and I mean Tom was a coach, usually of one or both.
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I mean, every other year our Cam and Tommy played together.
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So that was a blessing, because then it was down to three back to back games each day.
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But yeah, it was crazy.
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That was our weekend.
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Every weekend we were together as a family.
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Everyone came with us, all the boys, and that's what our life consisted of.
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Right, crazy, let's throw some in.
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Yeah, throw some advice out there for parents who are going through the same thing right now and feeling pretty chaotic in their lives and it's kind of hard to see the bigger picture when you're in it in the moment.
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Yeah, you really both.
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You have to, as a family, enjoy it.
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When we first moved here from Vancouver, we had no children and I was asked the coach at Greenwich High School of our city team, which I think I did for 11 years and Ellen would come to all the games and as the kids were smaller they would come to the games with us as well On Sundays.
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I was always taking them as little kids to the ice rink and skating with them, and then, as they started to develop, then I had to branch away from that and coach them individually.
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But logistically Ellen could be going in one direction and I could be going in another.
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We'd go up to Lake Placid and fortunately I did the Peewees and, I think, the squirts one year because the coach wasn't there and they were able to schedule me like I was getting off one rink to another rink and at one point this is kind of comical we were playing Chris Atkinson.
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I'm not sure if you know them from New Jersey there was two Atkinsons and we had two Atkinsons and those two were very good and our two were very good and it was Atkinson.
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From Atkinson to Atkinson to Atkinson.
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It was great.
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But those are the experiences that we would go to these tournaments and be able to experience the community, especially Lake Placid when I coached the Junior Rangers Peewee Major team for two years for the NHL division.
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So we were able to get a lot of really good life experiences.
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The kids would get billeted out in some situations but the team effort from us and Ellen and myself being able to buy into it and really want I mean you got to have both parents that want to do it.
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Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, we did not have a girl, so not sure she'd be playing hockey or figure skating or doing something different.
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So we were all kind of in the same sport arena, which was good.
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You know it's funny.
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You guys mentioned Mike and I because we're all nodding our heads.
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For those of you listening to this and for the parents listening, we understand the divide and conquer mentality that it takes, especially when you have multiple kids in the game.
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And this starts with just two kids, right.
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When you have five kids, it gets crazy.
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The other quote we've spawned on this show that I think our audience really resonates with is that you're not crazy, it's the hockey world that's crazy.
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The hockey parents not the coaches, the hockey parents are crazy.
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They can be crazy.
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I wanted to move on to this before we dive into kind of Cam's journey into the league, because you guys are proud parents and it's very obvious of all your children and one of the aspects of your kids development that I definitely wanted to talk about was the awareness of burnout and mental health.
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We told us, actually, that Cam at one point was being invited to a USA hockey camp, which is a really prestigious thing, but it was clear that it needed a break.
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I was wondering if you could share that story and any others that you have about the importance of taking breaks and being mentally fit.
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That's an interesting story because it turned around in a way he loved La Crosse.
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He was very good at La Crosse as well.
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He also liked vacations.
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Yeah, he did like vacations.
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He liked, that's correct.
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The US Development Camp wanted Cam to go play for Team USA, which he did numerous times, but this was more of him getting an opportunity for exposure.
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He said that he didn't want to go.
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He said I need a break.
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We said that's fine.
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We took a break and he got boycotted a little bit, I'm sorry, what age are you talking about?
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I'm just trying to figure out his age.
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He might have been 10 years, 11, maybe 12.
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That young Wow.
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Yeah, it was pretty young.
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Maybe 13.
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He might have been a little older than that I should have asked him but he was definitely under 15.
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Okay, yeah.
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Yeah, and they were very, very disappointed, which came around in a year after that, but it turned out to be very good because Team USA came to meet with me and apologized for what it transpired, because he totally was like off the radar and he was good enough to be on that radar.
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Yeah.
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So I think that's two things right.
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Number one is the old adage if you're good enough, they'll find you right.
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If you're good enough and obviously you as a family have to read that and say, well, if we burn them out and he's not helping Team USA, he's not helping himself as an individual and he's not helping his teammates.
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You know we talk about this a lot on the show.
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Is that refreshing piece?
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I mean, one of the things I loved about the Atkinson family.
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I coached at Immaculate High School for 11, 12 years so we played against Greenwich a lot and I remember the boy.
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I'm like Jesus.
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Is there any back into?
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Not on a team here?
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We got a lot of that.
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There's more than one of them, so keep your head up.
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It's a broadcaster's nightmare.
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It just wasn't fair.
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It wasn't fair.
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But I think it's like, but just to watch his journey, you know, because we're in, I mean, if the audience you know doesn't know, you know you're in the world of patcher, ready and quick and like there's like all these kids that, and when you listen to the stories of, like the New Canaan Winter Clubs and the Greenwich Clubs and the Dorothy Hamill rinks, the, it was intense, I get it.
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You guys played a very intense hockey schedule but the free play and the opportunity just to be the big fish in a small pond and having the life balance of vacations and other sports lacrosse and baseball and soccer, like I just think that era in that time, with all these kids that have really developed, you know it was really really prevalent and obviously maybe you guys could speak to that a little bit about.
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You know the, not the, not even the pressure, but the, the, the non-pressure, saying hey, ken wants to play lacrosse this spring and the kids want to do these other sports.
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You know, do you think that was just because of the community you were in or is it because he was so good at hockey?
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Everybody's like, well, listen, let's back off this kid a little bit and let him do whatever he wants to do.
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Right, or maybe you saw some signs too, that we're showing that say ooh, you know, maybe we ought to step back and just let them be a little freer and not so intense with hockey.
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It was all him, I mean, he requested it and we honored it, or just accepted it, and and there was pressure.
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By the way there was pressure from coaches.
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I mean in some cases the lacrosse coach said it's us or hockey, this particular one.
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We didn't have a ton of money when the kids were little and our only vacation was in August.
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We would go to Ocean City, maryland, with my entire family and it meant so much to all the boys and Cam was going to miss it that summer because of this tournament and he's like I don't want to miss my one and only vacation.
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So, but going back to the pressure, there was a little bit of pressure for the kids.
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I used to fight it all the time.
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I mean, coaches were like we have practice on Halloween night, you are not going trick or treating.
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And I'm like yes, they are, they are going trick or treating?
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No, we did.
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We moved our practices to earlier remember.
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We would go yeah.
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Well, I think that's, I think that's my point Now is that is that you know, that's you as the parent, that's your job.
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Yeah.
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Your job is to say whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm the consumer, these are my children, like I get it.
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And then I was that coach too.
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I was like, listen, you got to be here and you got to be at practice.
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And we talk on this episode or on this show a lot about before kids and after kids.
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And when I was a 23 year old high school coach, I'm like there was no other thing going on in the world.
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But my team, like I'm like what do you mean?
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I can't tell you we have practice at two o'clock in the afternoon, that we have practice night at seven.
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I can't just throw that at you, you know, because people are just navigating the world and I think when you have kids and obviously you guys went through it as a, you know Tom is a coach without kids, and also now you have kids in the system you know it really becomes a, you know, an eye-opening experience to say, oh geez.
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You know I do have to give them Halloween.
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I do have to give them prom.
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You know the dance nights, I do have to give them the family vacations.
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Now, not every single weekend, you know, for 26 weeks but, you have to have that balance or we just lose these kids, we lose these great athletes.
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But you got to admit that that's hard to do.
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There's a lot of pressure on parents that well, if your kid doesn't make it Halloween night, he's not going to play the next game.
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Or if he doesn't pick lacrosse over hockey, that's it.
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His lacrosse career is done.
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There's a lot of pressure on parents to cave and to give it to that.
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And a lot of parents absolutely do, but the parents that understand or listen to their children, which we need to do really changes that decision, which I believe it may have taken us time taken me more time than you because you're always like let everybody play.
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No one wants to play for you and sit on the bench.
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It's got to be fun.
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And you know, you bring up the skating club, you bring up, you know, the winter club, all those I had all those guys on the team.
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I had Ben Smith, I had Max Patsch ready, I had Cam, johnny Quick.
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So I show up to a tournament and they're all in prep school and Mike, you'll love this story.
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So I show up and we go up in some man's plane that was able to get certain kids and you know what schools are like prep schools You're not getting out on Friday.
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Fortunately, john Gardner understood and allowed us to go.
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We went up with five kids and Johnny Quick.
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We show up and the ref comes over, goes dude, you can't play with five kids.
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I go, can I play?
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He goes yes, but do you want to?
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I go watch Johnny Quick and net.
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We beat these guys.
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I had John Backman, cam, tommy, and literally it was so much fun.
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The ref comes over and goes.
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I've never seen anything like this.
00:16:31.374 --> 00:16:52.332
But Cam fortunately got to play with some really elite friends and he's still really good friends with, like you know, patcher ready patches from New Canaan, warring, greenwich, downing's there, ben Smith, ellie, who was Nick, nick Benino, I mean all these guys.
00:16:52.885 --> 00:16:53.811
Yeah, all the so funny.
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My son plays a lot of.
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My son plays a lot like NHL 24.
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And he has a team of all Fairfield County players and they beat everyone.
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They beat, everyone they beat the day when they win the Stanley Cup every year, just just with Fairfield.
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County.
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I think it's five players on the ice.
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Oh, and that's awesome, and you know that.
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I don't know, maybe that says less about you as a coach, but I think it's.
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I'm a good recruiter.
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What hell are you going to go down about it?
00:17:21.951 --> 00:17:23.051
But I think, but again.
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Those are like when I look at these players and I'm in a good situation because I actually know these guys right and I watch like dude that's the Snapple Express years and all these other times and the comforts and the people I work with Like these for the most part.
00:17:37.950 --> 00:17:48.684
Like these are really well balanced you know, energetic, positive families and kids Like, like just again, does it help that their players were elite athletes?
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Probably only because there was a lot less pressure than than the other parent.
00:17:53.894 --> 00:17:55.085
That's push, push, push, push, push.
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You're like, listen, you could take a day off, you're, you're, you're.
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The coach is going to kind of give you a little leeway.
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But to your point, like when these come, when these prep school kids like they don't care, they don't care how much money you have, they're all.
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They all are in the same boat.
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That's the whole idea going to these institutions.
00:18:11.491 --> 00:18:25.484
But I see you guys, but I think finding that balance and finding the way to put kids together, I don't know, I just love that, the way those kids inspired each other and I mean, listen, I would have loved to see those practices because they must have beat the hell out of each other.
00:18:25.484 --> 00:18:27.973
I mean, you know, those guys really compete.
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Yeah, yeah, we had.
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We had a lot of fun with it.
00:18:31.551 --> 00:18:41.545
There was and Cam got to play, especially when I did, because, remember, the Peewees changed the birth year when I was coaching the junior Rangers team.
00:18:41.545 --> 00:18:56.451
So Cam went up with the 88s and then it's over to the 90s and I remember showing up there with a bunch of kids from Buffalo because they couldn't play because the Buffalo and the Hartford Whalers were having an issue over territory.
00:18:56.965 --> 00:19:02.354
So, believe it or not, I had Patrick Kane on the team but his mother, his grandmother, got very sick.
00:19:02.354 --> 00:19:10.146
So I had all those Buffalo kids and we showed up and played Detroit Little Caesars, cam's, this big, these guys.
00:19:10.146 --> 00:19:12.790
I had the Bennett brothers, I had all these monsters.
00:19:12.790 --> 00:19:15.875
It got into a huge brawl because I didn't realize.
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Buffalo and Detroit Little Caesars hated each other, and Cam's like I'm not going on the ice.
00:19:22.634 --> 00:19:30.404
So I had these 89 birth years with these big 88 kids and we ended up winning the tournament on the other side of it.
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So there were great experiences and it was always fun.
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We always seemed to be going out for dinners or go-karts or going and playing laser tag or doing something that you know, whether you're an Ottawa or whatever tournament.
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We always made fun of it.
00:19:48.968 --> 00:20:16.365
But just going back to burnout, I mean when we were at the skating club for many, many years and it, when I look back, it was really, really special, because when we moved the boys to Snapple, which is the team that you just referred to, mike one of my sons burnt out so fast and I'm imagining that's what's going on right now.
00:20:16.365 --> 00:20:22.805
I don't know, but I'm thinking most of our teams were in the Greenwich skating club.
00:20:22.805 --> 00:20:28.484
They were local or they were easy to get to within an hour or an hour and 15 minutes.
00:20:28.484 --> 00:20:41.317
When we moved to Snapple, all of my kids were in different directions and they were going to Philly, they were going to New Jersey, connecticut, they were going all over that.
00:20:41.357 --> 00:20:47.084
One of my kids said I'm done, I am not sitting in a car One more Friday afternoon.
00:20:47.084 --> 00:20:54.212
One more Friday night in traffic to get to a game for a weekend and come home on like I'm done.
00:20:54.212 --> 00:21:01.213
I don't know how Cam and Tommy continued, but that ruined us.
00:21:01.213 --> 00:21:05.999
So I have a feeling a lot of youth hockey now is like that.
00:21:05.999 --> 00:21:08.664
They're not staying within Connecticut or New York.
00:21:08.724 --> 00:21:10.176
Well, they're all the All-Star team.
00:21:10.176 --> 00:21:11.023
They're all All-Star teams.
00:21:11.023 --> 00:21:14.711
I just drove 10 hours from Pittsburgh last night, so I mean, I think, I think it's a nice job.
00:21:16.929 --> 00:21:18.775
I don't think we could have done that, Tom.
00:21:19.325 --> 00:21:20.249
I mean we were different.
00:21:20.249 --> 00:21:23.979
We did do it, al for a while Not with the skating club.
00:21:23.979 --> 00:21:25.771
No, no, not with the skating club.
00:21:25.825 --> 00:21:35.479
But I think I think that's the other to your point it's and we talk about this a lot here with parents is that that rush to that doesn't have to happen at nine and 10 and 11 years old.
00:21:35.525 --> 00:21:35.826
Right.
00:21:36.086 --> 00:21:45.076
That doesn't have to happen, like you could find now, like you could find the same crappy 10 year olds to play right down the street in Darien.
00:21:45.076 --> 00:21:50.285
Then you can't in, you know Westchester, pa and I think, or Ontario or Toronto.
00:21:50.285 --> 00:21:57.125
Yes, I think it becomes this churning money business and we talk about the business piece of all the time.
00:21:57.125 --> 00:21:59.554
I know, I know we want to get the camp's career, but he's on the back.
00:22:00.775 --> 00:22:01.583
You know this is great.
00:22:01.583 --> 00:22:03.727
No, the audience is going to hold on, Don't worry.
00:22:03.747 --> 00:22:17.305
But I think this is like one of these things where you, as parents, right now going through that and saying, but she's, I'm, if I was in 2024, could I have done this with four kids and you know, could we have split, you know, all these families up.
00:22:17.305 --> 00:22:34.713
And we see it all the time, and I call it like the cams of today are just making it through the gauntlet, like they're just like, look at you, you got one of four Right, and it's like, and I'm sure they're all tremendous athletes, yeah, and good at everything they do.
00:22:34.713 --> 00:22:36.086
It's like who?
00:22:36.086 --> 00:22:36.828
But who can?
00:22:36.828 --> 00:22:42.358
Who can have the luck to get through the gauntlet and then make it through?
00:22:42.358 --> 00:22:50.153
And then it does become I mean, it's the funniest thing is like when you, when it gets to Boston College, right, it's easier like when you get the most fun ever.
00:22:50.627 --> 00:22:51.951
Boston College Right.
00:22:51.951 --> 00:22:54.262
But, all of a sudden it becomes?
00:22:54.442 --> 00:22:56.867
it becomes back to the Greenwich skating club.
00:22:56.867 --> 00:23:05.546
Yes play on every day, intense, fun, atmosphere, a More sane schedule.
00:23:05.546 --> 00:23:18.220
But it's funny how everything we do to get our kids to Boston College is Counter-intuitive to development at nine and ten and eleven years old and and we just look at me, say, well, this kid made it, yeah, but thousands didn't, thousands of failed.
00:23:19.063 --> 00:23:22.858
My Mike, you're saying that the key to getting a kid in the NHL is just to have more kids.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:26.686
Right, that's what it sounds like yeah, you gotta play the percentages.
00:23:27.220 --> 00:23:28.747
27 kids that all play.
00:23:28.747 --> 00:23:29.611
There's a good chance.
00:23:29.611 --> 00:23:30.394
You know, actually there's.
00:23:30.394 --> 00:23:32.603
No, there's still a low chance and nothing We'll make it.
00:23:32.623 --> 00:23:33.164
You know what?
00:23:33.164 --> 00:23:34.930
Mike has 27 kids.
00:23:34.930 --> 00:23:36.824
Sometimes I feel like it.
00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:38.221
Kids.
00:23:38.221 --> 00:23:41.531
As a coach, you know a couple observations here and notice.
00:23:41.531 --> 00:23:54.009
You know, last year I saw I won't say the tournament name, they and they have since changed this, but they had some elite teams travel to five different destinations around the country to play the same opponents and that was I was gonna bring that up.