July 29, 2023

Redefining Success in Youth Hockey: Why The Score Isn't The Most Important Thing

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

Discover a fresh perspective on youth hockey success in this episode. We delve into an unconventional approach that prioritizes personal growth over the final score. By shifting the focus away from just the outcome of winning, we explore how a mindset of discovering multiple wins can benefit young hockey players, reducing anxiety and enhancing performance.

Drawing inspiration from legendary athletes like Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky, we explore the power of being in the moment and how it positively influenced their game. Instead of obsessing over winning, we encourage young hockey players to be mentally present and focused on their individual progress.

Throughout the podcast, we discuss practical strategies to cultivate this mindset, emphasizing the importance of positive reinforcement, teamwork, and resilience in youth hockey. We explore constructive feedback techniques like the sandwich method and creating opportunities for rewards. Additionally, we address how to help young players handle disappointment and learn from setbacks.

Ultimately, we believe that by instilling these values, we can empower our kids to excel not only in hockey but also in life. Join us in this meaningful conversation as we redefine success in youth hockey, giving our young athletes the tools they need to face challenges, learn from mistakes, and embrace a tenacious spirit.

Text The Our Kids Play Hockey Team!

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00:51 - Compartmentalizing the Score in Hockey Games

08:17 - Shifting Focus Away From Winning

15:29 - Positive Reinforcement in Youth Sports

24:36 - Passing and Teamwork in Youth Sports

32:23 - Shifting Focus for Youth Sports Success

43:14 - Promoting Our Kids Play Hockey

WEBVTT

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Do you ever have a kid just keep asking you what's the score, especially in those games where they don't keep the score?

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Or in the game they do, they just keep looking up to the score board, looking at the score, wondering what's the score?

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How do I beat the score?

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That's what we're talking about today.

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Alright, how the score is not the only thing that matters in a game.

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It is important at the end of the game.

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You should probably know the score during the game.

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But the obsession over the score as a kid, as a coach, as a parent, is not healthy.

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So Kristi and I are going to walk you through today an episode about how to compartmentalize the score in a game and find new wins for hockey games.

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They really help the development of your child as a person, much less as a hockey player.

00:00:43.771 --> 00:00:47.229
Also, if you're inclined, head over to hockeywrapperoundcom.

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It's summertime, that means there's a lot of off ice activities going on and we all use those $200, $300 ice hockey sticks.

00:00:54.709 --> 00:00:57.990
The hockey wraparound was created to protect the blade of those sticks outside.

00:00:57.990 --> 00:01:03.926
That's used by a lot of players, been over a half a million of them sold and you get a sale right now at hockeywrapperoundcom.

00:01:03.926 --> 00:01:07.829
Use OKPH at checkout, you get a nice little discount.

00:01:07.829 --> 00:01:09.727
So check that out at hockeywrapperoundcom.

00:01:09.727 --> 00:01:13.129
They also have a couple other solutions out there that were recently patented.

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I'm saying that correctly Hockeywrapperoundcom, hockeywrapperoundcom, hockeywrapperoundcom.

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Check them out.

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But without further ado, let's get you into the Our Kids Play Hockey episode right now with Kristy and I about compartmentalizing the score.

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Hello hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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I'm Lee Elias and I'm joined with Kristy Kassian of Burns.

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Mike Benelli is on assignment tonight.

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Kristy, usually we're saying you're the one on assignment, but tonight I get to say it finally, mike Benelli is on assignment.

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Maybe one day I'll be on assignment, but it'll probably be for something with this, so it's probably not going to happen now that I'm thinking about it.

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There's a lot to think about it is.

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I'm trying to confuse the audience right away and something go, let's get past this and get to the topic.

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So today we're going to be discussing a very interesting topic.

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It starts with the story All right, my daughter, who's a mite, and don't worry parents of kids and squirts and pee weas and bannums and midgets and juniors and pro and everything else.

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This will still apply to you.

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But my daughter, who's a mite, is very interested, kristy, and always knowing what is the score to the game.

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What is, daddy?

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What's the score?

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Are we winning, are we losing?

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In fact, it's not just her.

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Every kid on the bench wants to know the score.

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Some of them know the score, by the way.

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They all think it's a different score.

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Half the kids think they're winning, half the kids think they're losing.

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It's not uncommon, at the end of the game, for both teams to think they've won.

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It's very confusing.

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But the question is what's the score?

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And as you know, kristy, in my hockey they don't keep the score.

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There's no score board, nothing.

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You have a time on the clock.

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Some of the parents keep the score, some of the coaches keep the score, but there is, by rules, no score and the reason we do that, just so everybody understands, is because at that age we want them focused on development, purely development skating and playing and not focused on the score.

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Now, while that's frustrating to a lot of people, even me at times, I do agree with this and I think there's a larger lesson at play with just the score in general that we don't think about.

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So today's episode is kind of titled why the Score Doesn't Matter Until the End of the Game.

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Now, for all the coaches listening out there, yes, knowing the score during the game parents and players too, all is somewhat important.

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You need to know where you stand.

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But the score itself is just a tally until the end of the game.

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The score is official.

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When the game ends, that's when the score matters, right?

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No one ever talks about yeah, we were winning five-nothing.

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Did you win the game?

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No, but we were winning five-nothing.

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Nobody ever says that.

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Right, you say we lost or we won, or we blew a five goal lead, or we came back from a five goal lead.

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The score doesn't matter until the end of the game.

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So what Christy and I are going to go over today is a few things A that you can tell your kids if they're in a position where there is no score, what are the right messages to give?

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And then, for the older kids, how to apply this to making you play better, no matter what the score is, because I have seen the pressure eat kids alive, christy, where it's a close game, late or they're down two goals, and they start making these changes to the way they play without the coaching coming into play, and it can really disrupt the game.

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So before I dive in, I should throw it to you.

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You for a second, because I'm sure you've experienced this in your own parent.

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Yeah, and this is a hard concept for the little ones to grasp because it's contradictory to what they're taught in school.

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We do keep grades right as a measurement, right.

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Well, mom, the teacher lets me know if I got an A, b, c, an A plus.

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I don't understand.

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All of a sudden, measurements don't matter, great point.

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So it's a difficult concept for the kids to grasp initially, and you kind of have to explain to them.

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This is a different environment.

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You know, yes, school week, we do have that application.

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Okay, we measure you, we grade you so that you know where you are and what you need to work on.

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Well, why doesn't that apply in hockey then?

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And then you have to explain to them because it's not individual anymore, you're part of a team.

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Great point.

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Okay, something bigger.

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So we're not grading each one of you as players.

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We're looking at you, how do you work together as a team, and we're not going to grade that.

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We're not going to put you know a score on it.

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What you need to focus on is your teamwork.

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You're passing, are you communicating with your teammates?

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Are you understanding the concept of the game?

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That's what you're focusing on right now.

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That's scoring.

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And then all of a sudden, the little light faults go.

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Oh okay, I get it.

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So you really need to help the kids understand why you're doing it, not just say we're not keeping score of this game because they don't get it, because everything that they do has a measurement.

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So now let me ask with your daughter was she really inquisitive?

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Did she want to know specifically, why is this different in hockey?

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And how'd you?

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explain that to her.

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Yeah, she wanted to know the score after every shot.

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And you know what?

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I think one of the mistakes I made in it I think a lot of us do this was that we kind of make declarative statements, right.

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We say, well, listen, score doesn't matter, all that matters is that you have fun.

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That's what we all say and it's true.

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It's a good message to have right.

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But here's the thing the kids are having fun, right, they know that right, and it is true that when you're keeping score it is a bit more fun because it's more at stake.

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So what I started to do is, instead of saying, hey, it's just supposed to be fun, sort of asking questions, right, yeah, well, why do you want to know the score?

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Right, and it's funny, because she didn't even know.

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It's just like you said, it's what they do.

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Yeah, well, that's what you're supposed to do.

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Well, it's just that they do it in their other areas of their life.

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Right, so there's some precondition thinking there that I started to break into.

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Wait, even when they play a game in the playground right.

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It's when lose you're keeping score.

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Right.

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And it's only a sage.

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Right.

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So, but when I asked her again, like she wasn't even quite sure, right, and then you know, it started to get a little deeper of just well, like well, why do you want to know the score?

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Right, why?

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Why?

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Why does that matter to you?

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And she will go well, I just want to know if we're winning.

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And I said, okay, I understand where this is going, Right, and that's.

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This is where it opened up a whole nother line of questioning and this is where I think the crux of the episode is going to be, right.

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Then it started getting into the okay, what are the things you need to do?

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The next shift to help the team do better?

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I didn't even say when, or lose, because I don't.

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I don't think that should be the only thing that you think about during a game at this level, right, and what I'm trying to do as a coach and as a parent is get her and all the other kids understand that if you're too focused on the outcome, you're not going to be focused on the present moment, which is very good.

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It's not as hard as you think for kids to understand that, right, it takes a little work, but, but they will get this more than you think.

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A lot of adults, I think, think kids can't understand.

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Kids are more present than we are.

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But you have to find it too long.

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I did.

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Yeah, so I said, the things that you do on the next shift, both yourself and with your teammates, can help result in the score being better.

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Right.

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And again, look, every single kid ever born is focused on the outcome and focused on the future.

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Because we teach them to do that.

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I'm just trying to create some, some like like very micro level consciousness of, hey, you're too far ahead, let's just go out there and have a good shift.

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So one of my first messages and again, if, if you do keep score and this is where I'm going to quit it to the older kids right, if you are focused on the score, I guarantee you're going to play differently.

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Right, and again, I'm not saying you shouldn't know the score, I'm not saying you shouldn't be aware of the situation you're in.

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There's a difference between being down.

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You know five goals then to one goal in the sense of just the score is different If it's changing how you play and putting you into a desperate point of view where you might make bad decisions.

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I'm not talking about risks, I'm talking about bad decisions.

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Right, it can affect your play.

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So it's so important as a player that you're able to know that I have my shift coming up and I can affect what I do on that shift.

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You can't be three shifts ahead.

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You can't be in the third period and the first period.

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You just have to go out there and play your shift.

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So, going back to my daughter, I want and I try and give her more goals or more wins, right?

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And I think one of the other mistake teams make, christy, is that the win is just winning the game and then everything's locked up in that.

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My identity as a hockey player is locked up in the win or the loss.

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My identity as a coach is locked up in the win or the loss.

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I try and say your identity should be what are you outputting next shift?

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And then let's get more wins.

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I want to see you and this is a cute part of the story I just want to see you skate as hard as you can next shift.

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I don't care if you score or I don't care if you're making a system, just show me that you can skate.

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Again, talking about might level right, you got to find these wins at the older levels.

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You know what.

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She went out there and she came back to the bench.

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She said the funniest thing.

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She looked me right in the eye and she goes my heart, my heart is beating so fast.

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Dad, put your hand on my chest and feel my heart.

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And then we did this whole thing back and forth, which she actually felt my pulse, I felt her pulse and she was really excited because her heart was beating.

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And this is the key.

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She did not ask me what the score was after that shift.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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She was focused on wow, I did it, I won, I did the thing.

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So I shifted the win.

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I shifted the focus from winning the game which, again, honestly, I don't even know the score in these games I'm not counting, right, after three or four I really lose count because they have been so often in my hockey she was focused on the win of the shift, which was wow, my heart is pounding because I work so hard and we had a little moment of celebration together.

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The other coaches they get awesome and the other kids saw it Right.

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So I know, you see, but you see what I'm going with this is, I shifted the focus away.

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I didn't just go it's supposed to be fun, right.

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And I was like now your heart's beating, now I want you to get the puck because you're skating so fast.

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Now the next shift, there's another win, right, you see where I'm going with all this.

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Right, and that will serve them well as they get older too, because they're going to go up against teams and you know, throughout my kids' hockey experiences, there have been teams that they've gone against that.

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You know David and Goliath.

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They face Goliath and they know that there's no way they're going to beat this dynamo team.

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So the focus becomes all right, win each shift, win your shift, and if you teach them at this my age the importance of that, that is familiar to them Right, then they get it Okay the score.

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It's already in their psyche.

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I know that we're not going to beat this team.

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We're going to do our guard.

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This, though, to try, and every time I'm out there, I'm going to win my shift.

00:11:56.419 --> 00:12:03.174
So, that's a really great concept for them to grasp at a very young age and they can get it they can't get it.

00:12:03.174 --> 00:12:04.597
So, yes, you make it fun.

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Of course you want to make it.

00:12:05.299 --> 00:12:07.259
We always hear that all the time.

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Make it fun, make it fun.

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But also make it fun.

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I'm here because it's fun.

00:12:11.249 --> 00:12:19.109
Yeah Right, helper makes sense and learn the game and why it's so important not to focus so much on the score.

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Because later in life they're going to be in situations where it gets pretty depressing, especially when you're against such a well oiled machine and you know you might be that ragged hand team that comes in is that quite as skilled as the team are going against so and that could be very depressing for kids when they face that.

00:12:40.910 --> 00:12:57.019
But if they've got the notion that this isn't about the score, this game, we're just going to do our best and we're going to go after them, we're going to go at it, we're going to nitpick, we're going to win, we're going to score when we can.

00:12:57.019 --> 00:13:04.506
That's such a great concept to learn at such a young age, so good for your daughter that she's already getting that.

00:13:04.827 --> 00:13:05.509
She's like that.

00:13:05.509 --> 00:13:08.486
Yeah, I'll tell you too, to your point.

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Integrity comes into play here.

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When you know you're going to lose or you're playing, it's very unlikely you're going to win.

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Let's say it that way, right, because you know what's funny, kristi, I talked about this many, many episodes ago, probably over 100 episodes ago.

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I remember talking about this team that we played when I was in youth hockey.

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It's probably a band, it might have been a midget, and that's U18, u16.

00:13:28.347 --> 00:13:41.105
And we played this team that had not won a game all year and we knew they weren't going to beat us, right, and the integrity that this team showed, knowing that I never forgot I mean it's a lifelong impact.

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What this team did, I remember after the game they thanked us for being there, they gave us sandwiches.

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I mean they brought us food, they had a meeting, they wanted us to know all the teams.

00:13:50.145 --> 00:13:54.065
I mean that really stuck with me and it was not close.

00:13:54.065 --> 00:13:57.246
It was not a close game and I'm thinking, wow, the integrity.

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I mean it taught me something.

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You know what I mean.

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There's games we've blown out teams.

00:14:00.982 --> 00:14:04.822
I don't even remember because that just wasn't part of it, right?

00:14:04.822 --> 00:14:06.865
So there's a lot that goes into winning and losing.

00:14:07.280 --> 00:14:14.410
Now I want to address this too, because I'm sure there's some people listening and I get this in conversations all the time about the competitive nature of sports.

00:14:14.410 --> 00:14:16.206
And well, I want my kid to be competitive.

00:14:16.206 --> 00:14:20.022
And how are they going to be competitive if they don't know the score and they don't want to win?

00:14:20.022 --> 00:14:23.967
And this is where I think there needs to be a little bit of a social shift.

00:14:23.967 --> 00:14:27.687
All right, and this is where my in my opinion, my coaching experience comes into play.

00:14:27.687 --> 00:14:30.361
All right, I hate to lose, christy.

00:14:30.361 --> 00:14:30.702
I hate it.

00:14:30.702 --> 00:14:42.566
All right, of course I hate it, right, but the stuff I'm talking about, focusing on what you control, being present, has not waned my hatred for losing.

00:14:42.566 --> 00:14:45.592
If anything, it's actually made me more competitive, right.

00:14:45.860 --> 00:14:49.910
So I think that there are parents that go you can't lose, you got to win, you can't.

00:14:49.910 --> 00:14:51.287
And this thing is all.

00:14:51.287 --> 00:14:56.885
All I think you're doing is using the power of negative reinforcement to scare the crap out of your kids.

00:14:56.885 --> 00:14:59.889
And again, look, there is a power in that, I'm not gonna lie.

00:14:59.889 --> 00:15:02.307
There is a power in creating a fear of losing.

00:15:02.307 --> 00:15:06.129
All right, it will make some athletes do incredible things.

00:15:06.129 --> 00:15:10.705
However, I do not think it's more powerful than positive reinforcement.

00:15:10.705 --> 00:15:16.028
I think every article out there today, from the NHL down, shows that the positive reinforcement is better.

00:15:16.028 --> 00:15:17.625
Again, every kid's different.

00:15:17.625 --> 00:15:21.245
I gotta say that Some kids are motivated a bit more when you get on top of them.

00:15:21.245 --> 00:15:30.504
But I'm trying to say this that only focusing on winning loss of the score, I don't believe that is going to make your kid more or less competitive.

00:15:31.299 --> 00:15:51.331
The most competitive people I know have an ability to be in the present moment and if you look at any sport Michael Jordan, I'm talking champions Michael Jordan's, kobe Bryant's, wayne Gretzky's, marc Messier's they have an ability to be extremely present and competitive at the same time.

00:15:51.331 --> 00:15:52.845
This is the point I'm trying to make.

00:15:52.845 --> 00:15:57.109
Where and when do you think they learned to do that?

00:15:57.109 --> 00:15:58.051
Right?

00:15:58.051 --> 00:16:02.785
Right, it's a progress over time, but I bet you it started at a very young age.

00:16:02.785 --> 00:16:11.548
The ability to be present and a lot of it starts, christie, with the failures and understanding how to compartmentalize a massive failure going through those athletes.

00:16:11.548 --> 00:16:14.923
Again, jordan didn't make his high school basketball team very well-known story.

00:16:14.923 --> 00:16:18.504
Kobe Bryant had to move around his entire life, starting the NBA when he was 18.

00:16:18.504 --> 00:16:19.683
It was not awesome.

00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:22.923
Wayne Gretzky, people would say well, he was gifted from birth.

00:16:22.923 --> 00:16:25.027
That dude didn't win a Stanley Cup right away.

00:16:25.027 --> 00:16:27.386
He had to lose to win a Stanley Cup.

00:16:27.386 --> 00:16:30.267
Right, you can look at the NHL, look at every great NHL team.

00:16:30.267 --> 00:16:31.864
I'm just going back in my head.

00:16:31.864 --> 00:16:33.404
The Blues didn't win forever.

00:16:33.404 --> 00:16:35.385
The Capitals couldn't beat the Penguins.

00:16:35.385 --> 00:16:37.845
I'm just going back through time here.

00:16:37.845 --> 00:16:45.311
Right, there's gotta be losing and there's gotta be a way to lose in what you learn, right?

00:16:45.311 --> 00:16:48.427
So kind of bringing this back full circle.

00:16:48.427 --> 00:16:54.504
If your kids only focused on winning, they're missing out on these life lessons and how to compartmentalize losing.

00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:58.471
There's a lot of wins and a lot of losses in a hockey.

00:16:58.471 --> 00:16:59.745
There's a lot of them in a shift.

00:16:59.745 --> 00:17:03.663
The whole game is based on capitalizing on other people's mistakes.

00:17:03.663 --> 00:17:08.903
Right, the whole game, you're gonna win and lose in your shift, every shift.

00:17:08.903 --> 00:17:11.462
I don't think I've ever had a shift where I won the whole shift.

00:17:11.462 --> 00:17:14.807
I mean, like from the second I got on the ice, the second got off.

00:17:14.807 --> 00:17:16.384
This we'll say that was more than 20 seconds.

00:17:16.384 --> 00:17:19.707
I don't think it's ever happened, right?

00:17:19.707 --> 00:17:27.521
So teaching these lessons, focusing on what you can control, trying to be present, not creating unneeded tension right, here's another one.

00:17:27.521 --> 00:17:31.547
I'll say to you, christine, I'll throw it back to you and I've seen this so many times as a coach.

00:17:32.180 --> 00:17:34.307
Coaches typically have a game plan.

00:17:34.307 --> 00:17:36.307
We'll talk a little bit higher levels now.

00:17:36.307 --> 00:17:38.967
Right, we have a game plan and we know what we're doing.

00:17:38.967 --> 00:17:40.442
Right For the most part.

00:17:40.442 --> 00:17:44.324
I gotta say that, right, good coaches know what they're doing and I've seen it so many times.

00:17:44.324 --> 00:17:56.884
Where we're in a game, we're playing great and another team will go up a goal or two goals and we call it abandoning the game plan, we'll see players start to abandon the game plan and start doing what they wanna do because they're feeling the tension in the moment.

00:17:56.884 --> 00:18:01.611
Sometimes it's not ill will, it's just I wanna win.

00:18:01.611 --> 00:18:02.522
I wanna win so bad.

00:18:02.522 --> 00:18:05.086
That's not what we need in that moment.

00:18:05.086 --> 00:18:10.066
We need people to stay to course and play the game plan and we'll let you know when you should take risks.

00:18:10.066 --> 00:18:12.022
Right and inevitably.

00:18:12.022 --> 00:18:14.630
I'd say nine and a half times out of 10.

00:18:14.630 --> 00:18:20.047
When we have players taking risks and abandoning the game plan, it gets worse and worse and worse and worse.

00:18:20.047 --> 00:18:24.710
Right, right, all right, but when you stick to the game plan, things happen.

00:18:26.064 --> 00:18:31.009
That's really important for kids to learn too, because I can remember a couple of games with my son's team.

00:18:31.009 --> 00:18:36.269
I had a very gifted player and he felt like there were.

00:18:36.269 --> 00:18:39.147
If they weren't winning that it were up.

00:18:39.147 --> 00:18:42.328
It was up to him to carry the game.

00:18:42.328 --> 00:18:57.682
So he would go rogue, you know Right, and he'd go off on his own and he'd do these stupid plays because he thought, well, I'm the only one who's gonna save us here you know, and he abandoned the team and he abandoned the game plan, and how did that work out?

00:18:58.365 --> 00:18:59.067
Not well.

00:18:59.544 --> 00:19:00.294
It's the same.

00:19:00.334 --> 00:19:06.865
never worked out he ended up in the penalty box and might've even gotten thrown out, you know, ejected for one of the games.

00:19:06.865 --> 00:19:12.944
He couldn't control his emotions Right and he was super competitive.

00:19:12.944 --> 00:19:13.627
God bless him.

00:19:13.627 --> 00:19:17.984
I mean, I love that competitive spirit, but he didn't know how to reign it in.

00:19:17.984 --> 00:19:19.605
He didn't know how to focus it.

00:19:19.819 --> 00:19:22.249
He did not even use it to the team's advantage.

00:19:22.249 --> 00:19:24.025
That's a great point you just made, right.

00:19:24.025 --> 00:19:29.067
Yeah, that he has the competitive experience, that's a good thing, right, but he could not control it.

00:19:29.067 --> 00:19:30.766
I think that's a super big point, christy.

00:19:31.166 --> 00:19:40.087
Yeah, I mean he went off and became this fantastic football player, which Kudo Sam Right, but at the age of 12 and 13,.

00:19:40.087 --> 00:19:45.172
And I gotta tell you, this kid was gifted.

00:19:45.172 --> 00:19:49.364
I mean, people would come around to our range just to watch him play.

00:19:49.364 --> 00:19:51.244
That's how talented he was.

00:19:51.244 --> 00:20:01.546
But he needed a lot of coaching around him to try and figure out how to be control his emotions.

00:20:01.546 --> 00:20:11.990
I mean, that's what got to him and because he had such a fire in him, he wanted to win and he didn't know how to tone it down.

00:20:12.460 --> 00:20:24.240
And I was like oh, how can I channel this and use it to the team's advantage, rather than just I'm gonna save the day, I'm gonna win the game and that doesn't work out, yeah.

00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:30.362
Here's some great real-world examples based on what you just said, and I'll tell you why he succeeded in football and not hockey.

00:20:30.362 --> 00:20:32.048
All right, I'll start there.

00:20:32.048 --> 00:20:35.666
Actually, I've coached football and it is an incredible team sport.

00:20:35.666 --> 00:20:44.259
There is virtually no way to win at football without utilizing your teammates, right, and I think that all football players know that.

00:20:44.259 --> 00:20:52.116
Now, quarterback's an interesting position because you can take the ball and start running and really build some offense, as long as you don't get hurt, right.

00:20:52.116 --> 00:20:55.859
But here's the deal At the end of the day, you need your defense to come on the field and play as well.

00:20:56.565 --> 00:20:58.859
There's no way to win that game on your own.

00:20:58.859 --> 00:21:01.240
Again, all-star performance is sure.

00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:04.880
If you're an all-star wide receiver, you need the quarterback to get you the ball.

00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:10.299
If you're an all-star running back, that offensive line needs to clear the way right.

00:21:10.299 --> 00:21:11.599
There's a lot that needs to happen.

00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:23.164
So I think in football, if you're a star athlete, you have to rely on the team, and you know that, whereas in hockey I think there's an appearance because you're skating so fast that you don't need to do that Now.

00:21:23.246 --> 00:21:27.368
I can't tell you, in youth hockey, bringing it back might squirt pee-wee.

00:21:27.368 --> 00:21:37.259
How many times I have seen an athlete who's gifted go one on four against the other team, and I am not sure that I've ever seen a player come out of that and score.

00:21:37.259 --> 00:21:42.439
Yeah Right, I don't know if I've ever seen it, I'm sure it happens.

00:21:42.439 --> 00:21:43.644
Don't get me wrong.

00:21:43.644 --> 00:21:48.308
We've talked about this before the difference between a good player and a great player.

00:21:48.308 --> 00:21:53.279
A good player has a lot of talent and makes these plays and tries these things.

00:21:53.279 --> 00:21:56.648
A great player makes every player on the ice better.

00:21:56.648 --> 00:21:58.093
Right, right.

00:21:58.093 --> 00:22:06.122
You have to utilize the other four players, assuming your full strength, spaders, your advantage, and if you're gifted and you're going one on four.

00:22:06.122 --> 00:22:08.690
As a coach, you probably already know what I'm gonna say.

00:22:08.690 --> 00:22:16.109
Hey, your teammates are all open, right, create space and get it to them right.

00:22:16.351 --> 00:22:36.114
I know you just see, have a lot with the very gifted players Exactly what you said that they they don't realize how important their teammates are, that they and they tend to you know want to be the hero which great, but to your point, see that you've got the open teammates.

00:22:36.114 --> 00:22:36.855
You know it's.

00:22:36.855 --> 00:22:46.240
So many times I've seen these gifted players just just go with the puck and like I'm on my own, this is mine, and not use their teammates.

00:22:46.701 --> 00:22:48.910
Yeah and it failed in the end.

00:22:48.910 --> 00:22:58.234
I mean, it might, you might win, you might score a few goals, but you know, in the long run, like you say, it's a marathon sunspread Is second to your team.

00:22:58.234 --> 00:22:58.516
Wow.

00:22:58.917 --> 00:22:59.619
I'll say this too.

00:22:59.619 --> 00:23:03.211
You know, someone might say, well, my four teammates aren't great, they're not good.

00:23:03.211 --> 00:23:14.761
Well, I'll tell you what four open players If I gave them each a shot during a game with no one on them, I think there's a better chance of them scoring than me scoring going one on four or five times.

00:23:14.761 --> 00:23:16.715
You know what I mean.

00:23:16.715 --> 00:23:19.230
So, yeah, and again, I coach kids like this.

00:23:19.230 --> 00:23:19.731
It's hard.

00:23:19.731 --> 00:23:21.640
It's hard when they're talented and they don't see everybody else.

00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:24.512
I'll tell you another thing about you, talky, before I jump into this Barclay story.

00:23:24.512 --> 00:23:34.817
This is something that was a coach woke me up to this and I thought it was brilliant because I never thought about it this way that you know you'll get these hot shots that might, that are really good.

00:23:34.817 --> 00:23:37.903
It's natural in squirt to you just have kids with some more ability.

00:23:37.903 --> 00:23:46.329
I remember thinking that and I told them, like if that kid doesn't learn how to pass the puck and share the puck, there's teammates are gonna hate him or her.

00:23:46.329 --> 00:23:50.627
Yeah, when they get older and he said this and it made me really think he goes, you're right, a hundred percent.

00:23:50.627 --> 00:23:51.672
When they get older, that's true.

00:23:51.672 --> 00:24:03.105
The problem is, is at the might age and Someone at the scored age, that kids a hero to his teammates, because at that age that kid can't miss, they're the hero.

00:24:03.105 --> 00:24:07.450
That's how they view it right, even if they're not getting the pass, they just want to win the game right.

00:24:07.450 --> 00:24:15.598
And again, this is another reason why we probably shouldn't keep the score Right, because all that's gonna happen is the best kids are gonna get the puck go end to end and score.

00:24:15.598 --> 00:24:26.074
And it's about I want to teach that Eight year old hey, I want you to get three assists today, because it's worth as much as goals and it's important that your teammate gets shot to.

00:24:26.074 --> 00:24:30.334
But they never score when I pass them and they're never gonna score if you don't pass to them.

00:24:30.334 --> 00:24:31.298
We need them to.

00:24:31.298 --> 00:24:34.291
The score doesn't matter, we're not Keeping score.

00:24:34.291 --> 00:24:40.670
And then I would say the score for you today is how many great passes can you make, whether they score or not?

00:24:40.670 --> 00:24:45.991
You make five great passes in the game today, whether they score or not, all right.

00:24:45.991 --> 00:24:49.480
You can also score five goals, right, but you got to make five passes.

00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:51.364
I'm changing what the win is.

00:24:51.364 --> 00:24:57.490
Right, right and again I swear to you parents, I don't know the score at the end of these might games.

00:24:57.490 --> 00:25:02.521
I mean I might have a clue if it's lopsided, but I I can't tell you the score because I'm not interested.

00:25:03.131 --> 00:25:06.579
Right and on the bench is another mistake I think a lot of my coaches make.

00:25:06.579 --> 00:25:09.153
They give play by play To the kids on the ice.

00:25:09.153 --> 00:25:10.998
Now again, we have a lot of volunteer parents helping.

00:25:10.998 --> 00:25:11.799
God bless you all.

00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:12.842
We appreciate you.

00:25:12.842 --> 00:25:16.961
But telling the kids on the ice where to go and what to do is not coaching.

00:25:16.961 --> 00:25:20.096
No, and I'll admit it's hard.

00:25:20.096 --> 00:25:23.932
What I tend to do is I'm coaching the kids on the bench Right.

00:25:23.991 --> 00:25:26.421
So, hey, did you see that play that that he or she tried to make?

00:25:26.421 --> 00:25:28.789
This would be a better play to make when you're out there.

00:25:28.789 --> 00:25:29.693
All right.

00:25:29.693 --> 00:25:32.829
And again, for those of you who see me coach, I'm guilty of this too.

00:25:32.829 --> 00:25:35.599
I say things on the ice all the time hey, go here, do this.

00:25:35.599 --> 00:25:36.432
All right.

00:25:36.432 --> 00:25:39.358
But it's got to be a mentality, of a development mentality.

00:25:39.358 --> 00:25:40.863
I'm not just trying to get them to score.

00:25:40.863 --> 00:25:43.067
You know we want these kids to pass.

00:25:43.067 --> 00:25:46.612
Now Let me tell you this really quick Charles Barkley story, because I don't want to forget he.

00:25:46.692 --> 00:25:53.715
He was given an interview recently about the modern NBA and how you have some very high scoring players, but they're on bad teams.

00:25:53.715 --> 00:25:55.663
Right, and he went on to talk about.

00:25:55.663 --> 00:26:00.519
If you look at the championship teams, players don't tend to be like that.

00:26:00.519 --> 00:26:02.002
It's not one great player.

00:26:02.002 --> 00:26:05.356
There's a great player that gives the ball up to other players.

00:26:05.356 --> 00:26:07.663
They move around and they learn to play through that player.

00:26:07.663 --> 00:26:08.792
Not by.

00:26:09.012 --> 00:26:09.734
Jordan had this.

00:26:09.734 --> 00:26:15.779
If you look at Jordan from the early 80s to the early 90s, he's put up ridiculous numbers every night but they both weren't winning.

00:26:15.779 --> 00:26:18.765
It was only when he got a supporting cast and they shared the ball and they knew what they were doing.

00:26:18.765 --> 00:26:20.205
They were a great team, don't get me wrong.

00:26:20.205 --> 00:26:21.553
Right, they started to win.

00:26:21.553 --> 00:26:24.401
You can look at the Denver Nuggets this year if you're a basketball fan.

00:26:24.401 --> 00:26:25.251
They share the ball.

00:26:25.251 --> 00:26:32.732
Ted Lasso, wonderful show talked about this, about playing through their best athlete and making sure that the ball got Delegated the right way.

00:26:32.732 --> 00:26:34.057
Hockey it's essential.

00:26:34.057 --> 00:26:35.560
It is absolutely essential.

00:26:35.560 --> 00:26:39.698
I don't care if you have Ovechkin or Crosby on your team.

00:26:39.698 --> 00:26:42.708
They won because they understood how to utilize their, their teammates.

00:26:42.708 --> 00:26:44.092
Right, I think.

00:26:44.092 --> 00:26:46.579
Defense you look at the Vegas Golden Knights this year.

00:26:46.579 --> 00:26:48.416
Tell me the superstar on that team.

00:26:48.416 --> 00:26:55.541
You had a few players that were had great seasons, but there was no one that like just stood out as, wow, they won because of that guy.

00:26:56.191 --> 00:26:59.113
Right because of the team working together right.

00:26:59.113 --> 00:27:11.703
We need to implement that at a younger age, because it's not about making the NHL, it's about the workplace, christie, and just when you're done playing, being a productive member of society that stars at 60 years old.

00:27:12.411 --> 00:27:13.994
Yeah yes, it does.

00:27:13.994 --> 00:27:18.566
Yeah, I remember there was one coach and I so I think it was.

00:27:18.566 --> 00:27:24.037
It was Joey's team, a squirt level, and they were not very good at passing.

00:27:24.037 --> 00:27:42.623
So he got together with another coach and they had a game it was not me game and the rule was you had to pass Three times before anybody could score so you weren't allowed to go up and shoot on the net until you passed it at least three times.

00:27:42.782 --> 00:27:54.609
Then you could shoot at the net and it really it really helped the kids a lot Because all it's on, I mean, everybody wanted to score right, but they couldn't score until they passed at least three times.

00:27:54.609 --> 00:28:04.256
So the team and it really kind of helped them realize and they were actually became a better scoring team with that concept.

00:28:04.256 --> 00:28:09.965
That was kind of Set in their minds and it, you know, early on in the season.

00:28:09.965 --> 00:28:17.577
So so there are things you could do to try and help the kids get away from being that I'll use that term.

00:28:17.597 --> 00:28:18.861
It's a great term for you, yeah.

00:28:21.030 --> 00:28:21.954
Yeah, yeah.

00:28:21.954 --> 00:28:37.182
And also the other Great little tidbit that a lot of coaches Along the years have used with my kids especially After in a, during a loose, losing season is learning how to flush it.

00:28:37.182 --> 00:28:42.529
So after game you get beat up really badly, you just flush it because, guess what?

00:28:42.529 --> 00:28:43.392
There's?

00:28:43.392 --> 00:28:46.096
The Zamboni is gonna resurface the ice.

00:28:46.096 --> 00:28:50.085
All those bumps and cracks in the ice are gonna be gone.

00:28:50.085 --> 00:28:56.375
You get another shot at it, a new surface, new beginning, another chance at it.

00:28:56.375 --> 00:29:02.078
So just Learn from your mistakes, flush it and let it start fresh.

00:29:02.078 --> 00:29:02.921
That's a.

00:29:02.921 --> 00:29:05.529
That's another great concept for your kids to learn when they're young.

00:29:05.770 --> 00:29:12.820
I agree, you know another great one again for the just a bit of last show again, ted, last so is be a goldfish, because goldfish has like a three.

00:29:12.820 --> 00:29:17.279
Yeah, be a goldfish, be happy, happiest animal in the animal kingdom.

00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:21.069
You know, cuz the another one, you bring a good point about the passing right.

00:29:21.069 --> 00:29:25.580
I actually enjoy when coaches implement that because again you're changing the win right.

00:29:25.580 --> 00:29:27.011
The win is Passes.

00:29:27.011 --> 00:29:31.538
You know one of the things we always say to the young kids Sometimes you got to remind the older athletes this too.

00:29:31.538 --> 00:29:34.309
I'm putting on what's the fastest moving thing on the ice?

00:29:34.309 --> 00:29:37.086
You know, we asked the kids that what's the fastest thing on the ice?

00:29:37.086 --> 00:29:37.248
And?

00:29:37.248 --> 00:29:42.991
And Sometimes I'll ask that and one of the kids will say well, that player is, it's, I'll go.

00:29:42.991 --> 00:29:43.814
It's the puck.

00:29:43.814 --> 00:29:51.357
The puck is the fastest thing on the ice and the more you can pass it and move it Effectively, the better you're gonna do right.

00:29:51.357 --> 00:29:54.990
And it's amazing, sometimes I have to remind them the puck is the fastest moving thing.

00:29:54.990 --> 00:29:58.482
So right, parents listening, look, I'm gonna say this too.

00:29:58.482 --> 00:30:00.470
Is a coach and formerly a development coach.

00:30:00.470 --> 00:30:03.242
All right, there's a lot of skill sets in hockey.

00:30:03.242 --> 00:30:06.935
Being a great playmaker is Insanely valuable.

00:30:06.935 --> 00:30:12.471
It's insanely valuable, all right, and we don't develop an enough in the kids, all right.

00:30:12.991 --> 00:30:22.987
I prided myself on being a playmaker where I, when I played I think it took me a long way in my career Because I didn't have the time to develop in a shot like some of my my teammates had.

00:30:22.987 --> 00:30:23.809
They had unbelievable shots.

00:30:23.809 --> 00:30:30.094
I did eventually, but I could pass the puck to the kid that was gonna score and and guess what that got me?

00:30:30.094 --> 00:30:36.530
It got me on the top line a lot because I could pass to the guy that was gonna Right.

00:30:36.832 --> 00:30:44.816
So we have to understand that there's a lot of different skill sets and that when your kid is 6 u, 8 u, 10 u, scoring is fantastic.

00:30:44.816 --> 00:30:51.309
I'm not Anybody that could score, but the well-rounded player can also pass and we'll look for that pass.

00:30:51.309 --> 00:30:59.291
So when I see a player going on one on four I mean you're telling me a little bit about yourself and hopefully you're coachable and you can understand why that's not the Best move to me.

00:30:59.291 --> 00:31:11.659
Or when I see a player, christie, I go, you know, beat one or two or three kids and score, but we're losing a lot and they celebrate like, like excessively I'll say you Right, what are you doing?

00:31:12.570 --> 00:31:14.861
Yeah, you know, you know what are you doing?

00:31:14.901 --> 00:31:20.200
And again, we won't look at plus, minus, at the younger ages, but, you know, might not be back on defense when you need to be there too.

00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:22.976
There's a lot of wins in a shift.

00:31:22.976 --> 00:31:29.847
I'm not gonna even say a game and I'm gonna say this again I Understand, I understand the need to want to know the score.

00:31:29.847 --> 00:31:37.089
I Understand how it creates competition, but you also have to know that score is irrelevant until the end of the game, when it matters.

00:31:37.089 --> 00:31:39.309
And there's a lot of wins on a shift.

00:31:39.309 --> 00:31:48.757
So if you're in a situation as a youth coach and you think your kids are overly focused on the score, create new wins, whether you're winning or losing.

00:31:48.757 --> 00:31:49.218
I've had this one.

00:31:49.218 --> 00:31:50.060
We're down 10 goals.

00:31:50.060 --> 00:31:52.809
Hey, who's gonna get the hardest worker this shift?

00:31:52.809 --> 00:31:54.535
Trust me, the kids will turn right away.

00:31:54.535 --> 00:31:56.260
I, I'm gonna get it right away.

00:31:56.260 --> 00:31:57.875
It'll snap present immediately.

00:31:57.875 --> 00:31:58.739
You'll forget the score.

00:31:58.818 --> 00:32:10.876
Yeah, and our coach used to have a hard hat but he would get the kid who worked the hardest got the little construction hat, the hard hat and it had hardest worker written on the.

00:32:10.876 --> 00:32:14.064
On the hard hat, yeah, and everybody wanted it.

00:32:14.531 --> 00:32:15.695
They want that more than the game.

00:32:15.695 --> 00:32:19.140
They want that more than to win the game now again.

00:32:20.731 --> 00:32:20.973
Yeah.

00:32:22.371 --> 00:32:22.932
Yeah, go ahead.

00:32:22.932 --> 00:32:23.494
I'm sorry, Christie.

00:32:24.219 --> 00:32:29.996
Yeah, more than the puck that won the game, they'd rather have the hard hat.

00:32:29.996 --> 00:32:31.740
Right is that was work, yeah.

00:32:32.099 --> 00:32:32.721
I said there's a reason.

00:32:32.721 --> 00:32:34.251
They only give that helmet out when you win the game.

00:32:34.251 --> 00:32:41.961
I know, maybe they shouldn't, maybe they should give it out when you lose the game too, but the point is that's more of a win for the kids than winning the game, right, yeah?

00:32:41.961 --> 00:32:45.269
And again, yes, it's a little bit of an individualized prize, right it?

00:32:45.269 --> 00:32:49.796
You know, sometimes kids selfishly want it, but they're striving for something right.

00:32:49.796 --> 00:32:53.201
You're teaching it right and I think how you create those rewards is very important.

00:32:53.201 --> 00:32:54.930
You want it to go around the room, right.

00:32:54.930 --> 00:32:58.929
That's why I think at the top levels they have the player that wanted has to give it away.

00:32:58.929 --> 00:33:01.038
Right, it's not the coach picking, it's the player picks.

00:33:01.038 --> 00:33:03.470
Somebody else in the room that's doing it because you know yes.

00:33:04.453 --> 00:33:09.617
I think that's important as well, look, and then you're building the, the whole feeling of a team.

00:33:09.617 --> 00:33:11.583
You know you're looking out for each other.

00:33:11.583 --> 00:33:14.715
So in the Mike level, you, you don't keep score.

00:33:14.715 --> 00:33:15.696
How do you?

00:33:15.696 --> 00:33:18.301
How are the parents about that?

00:33:18.301 --> 00:33:28.057
Are there parents who are keeping score and do they openly argue With the concept of not keeping score?

00:33:28.057 --> 00:33:31.223
Are they upset about it or is everyone pretty good about it?

00:33:31.223 --> 00:33:33.076
Now His back in the day.

00:33:34.592 --> 00:33:37.882
Right when I was a Mike parent, parents hated that.

00:33:37.882 --> 00:33:43.098
They just they weren't grasping it and they couldn't stand that we weren't keeping score.

00:33:43.098 --> 00:33:44.924
How are parents today?

00:33:45.827 --> 00:33:46.450
I think it's a mix.

00:33:46.450 --> 00:33:50.867
I think that I think a lot of it comes down to if you played hockey or not.

00:33:50.867 --> 00:33:57.236
To be honest with you, like, I've seen parents that come out and they just don't, they're not worried about it, right, just that activity their kids doing.

00:33:57.236 --> 00:34:11.161
And then you have parents like me that have played and want to win and everything matters, and you know, you know I'm joking to a point, but I have seen everything from from parents which, again, I'm not, I'm not poo-pooing this, I've just I've seen parents keep the score on their phone.

00:34:11.161 --> 00:34:22.139
Sure, I get, look, look, I think there's an element to as a spectator wanting to know, right, that's what I'm saying I'm not, I'm not against it, it's what you do with it after that.

00:34:22.440 --> 00:34:23.222
That's what's important.

00:34:23.222 --> 00:34:24.994
So just getting for the parents, listening.

00:34:24.994 --> 00:34:28.753
If you want to keep scoring your mind just for your own Devices, I'm not.

00:34:28.753 --> 00:34:30.177
I'm not gonna tell you not to do that.

00:34:30.177 --> 00:34:33.143
Right, you're watching, you want the game to be interesting, right.

00:34:33.143 --> 00:34:40.860
But if you come down to the bench after the game and say hey, you lost six, five, right, because of this play, yeah, you're crazy.

00:34:40.860 --> 00:34:43.992
You know, in a might game, much less anything else, you're crazy.

00:34:43.992 --> 00:34:48.268
If you think one play in a might game, every play, it caused the game to win.

00:34:48.268 --> 00:34:49.351
You look, you know what I mean.

00:34:49.351 --> 00:34:51.438
Yeah, so that's one aspect of it.

00:34:52.019 --> 00:34:58.291
I think I have not seen too much of that again I think if they do do it, it's in private yeah.

00:34:58.432 --> 00:34:59.235
I'm sure it happens.

00:34:59.876 --> 00:35:00.981
I'm sure it happens to again.

00:35:00.981 --> 00:35:07.858
I think a lot of this also comes down to the, the league or the coach Explaining to the parents like, look, this is why we don't keep score.

00:35:07.858 --> 00:35:12.869
And you can say, like I don't like it a lot either, but here's why we don't do it, right.

00:35:12.869 --> 00:35:14.094
It's hard when you don't have a score.

00:35:14.094 --> 00:35:16.521
And then here's the things you should probably reinforce with your kids.

00:35:16.521 --> 00:35:21.833
But, christy, as you know, at the end of the day, you know, once they get in the car, I mean they're, they're with their parents, right.

00:35:21.833 --> 00:35:26.050
The, the coach, is a very small part of their life, time-wise, right.

00:35:26.050 --> 00:35:29.320
So I think it's on all of us as parents to understand that, whether you keep the score or not.

00:35:29.809 --> 00:35:30.713
You know, this is what I would do.

00:35:30.713 --> 00:35:31.838
It's the sandwich method.

00:35:31.838 --> 00:35:38.135
If, assuming, your kid wants to talk about the game which, remember, car rides, not for coach, we talked about that right.

00:35:38.135 --> 00:35:41.889
If your kid wants to talk about slurpees and fortnight after the game, let them talk about it, right.

00:35:41.889 --> 00:35:46.992
But if the kid does want to talk about the game and you've got some positive, negatives, you sandwich it.

00:35:46.992 --> 00:35:50.061
You tell them a positive, a negative and then another positive.

00:35:50.061 --> 00:35:54.369
All right, this is what we do it kind of the mid levels with, with the teenage kids.

00:35:54.369 --> 00:35:57.260
Hey, you did a great job at skating hard today.

00:35:57.260 --> 00:36:03.918
I think you could have worked on your passing a little bit and maybe your honest awareness, but I really love that you finish the game and you never quit.

00:36:03.918 --> 00:36:05.653
Very good, that's.

00:36:05.653 --> 00:36:07.822
That's how you should generally do it.

00:36:07.822 --> 00:36:10.333
I I have seen kids Go ahead.

00:36:10.333 --> 00:36:10.773
I'm sorry.

00:36:11.115 --> 00:36:14.273
Yeah that's a good sandwich, it's a delicious sandwich, right.

00:36:14.273 --> 00:36:17.141
I have seen parents just tell their kids what they've done wrong.

00:36:17.141 --> 00:36:21.777
Or I've seen parents, uh, and like I've had to stop myself from doing this.

00:36:21.777 --> 00:36:26.534
I've seen parents whose kid had a great game, great game, but they made one big mistake.

00:36:26.534 --> 00:36:31.630
And they come down and go you made this kind of big mistake today, right?

00:36:31.630 --> 00:36:38.356
And it's like ah, you know, if they played 95 of the game, well, just tell them they played a good game, yeah and they know, they know, they know.

00:36:40.710 --> 00:36:41.132
Right again.

00:36:41.132 --> 00:36:43.496
They'll probably tell you I'm a goalie dad.

00:36:43.496 --> 00:36:49.043
I'm a goalie dad, my, my kid makes plenty of mistakes, and that a game right now, at his age.

00:36:49.043 --> 00:36:51.393
But he, like I said, he played a game yesterday.

00:36:51.393 --> 00:36:52.436
I thought he played phenomenal.

00:36:52.436 --> 00:36:53.237
He, I really did.

00:36:53.237 --> 00:36:53.559
He played.

00:36:53.559 --> 00:36:57.315
He played 90% of the game, maybe the best I've ever seen him play.

00:36:57.315 --> 00:37:01.081
I didn't bring up the mistakes, I just said hey, man, you really played great today.

00:37:01.081 --> 00:37:01.625
I really love that.

00:37:01.625 --> 00:37:02.309
You played so hard today.

00:37:02.309 --> 00:37:04.121
You know, I didn't smile on his face afterwards.

00:37:04.121 --> 00:37:08.318
That's what I'm looking for at that age, all right, um, so rounding this out because I'm looking at the time.

00:37:08.679 --> 00:37:11.353
All right, these are my three, christie, if you want to do three.

00:37:11.353 --> 00:37:18.914
Two, if we had to pick three things to say to a kid who really wants to know the score, right, so just alternative to the score.

00:37:18.914 --> 00:37:19.697
These are my three things.

00:37:19.697 --> 00:37:21.842
One is uh, let's change the win.

00:37:21.842 --> 00:37:25.476
Change the win away from just the scoreboard to what.

00:37:25.476 --> 00:37:28.271
Can you win this shift of this period Right?

00:37:28.271 --> 00:37:29.996
Can you pass the puck three times a shift?

00:37:29.996 --> 00:37:30.940
Can you get an assist?

00:37:30.940 --> 00:37:31.572
Can you?

00:37:31.572 --> 00:37:34.110
Can you make a good pass to three of your teammates that have never scored a goal?

00:37:34.110 --> 00:37:36.635
Change the win right, and the win should not be.

00:37:36.635 --> 00:37:37.818
Can you get five goals this shift?

00:37:37.818 --> 00:37:38.360
That's?

00:37:38.360 --> 00:37:40.775
That's not a great win, all right, so that's number one.

00:37:40.775 --> 00:37:45.393
Number two Christy, you said this be a goldfish, flush it down the toilet.

00:37:45.393 --> 00:37:46.916
Whichever one resonates more with your kid.

00:37:47.016 --> 00:37:48.079
All right, have that.

00:37:48.079 --> 00:37:48.981
Have that quick memory.

00:37:48.981 --> 00:37:51.036
You're gonna make mistakes in hockey.

00:37:51.036 --> 00:37:52.360
It is part of the game.

00:37:52.360 --> 00:37:57.391
It is your choice to beat yourself up for it for months or for five seconds, all right.

00:37:57.391 --> 00:37:59.838
And then be inquisitive as a coach or as a parent.

00:37:59.838 --> 00:38:02.929
Don't tell them what they should have done differently.

00:38:02.929 --> 00:38:07.461
Ask them, hey, what do you think you could have done differently in that situation?

00:38:07.461 --> 00:38:15.634
Let them ask you for help of what could I have done differently, all right, ask them, be inquisitive, let them think it out.

00:38:15.634 --> 00:38:16.577
That's how they learn.

00:38:17.050 --> 00:38:20.576
Then the third one is again a little bit like the Goldfish one, but be present.

00:38:20.576 --> 00:38:26.717
Hey, isn't it wonderful that we're playing hockey today, especially now in the summer, when it's 90,000 degrees outside.

00:38:26.717 --> 00:38:30.356
It's nice and cool in here, isn't it awesome we get to be together right now?

00:38:30.356 --> 00:38:32.775
You gotta remember to enjoy the moment.

00:38:32.775 --> 00:38:54.077
All right, you know, there's that great quote of I wish someone could tell me when we're in the good old days when we're in them, right, this is something I'm learning, christy, and again, you've been through it I'm in the good old days with my kids right now and I can tell I really and it's a test sometimes, but I really try and enjoy like isn't this great that I'm in the rink with both my kids.

00:38:54.117 --> 00:38:57.795
I had a moment yesterday one was playing goalie on one end, one was playing skater on the other end.

00:38:57.795 --> 00:39:04.934
I said this is kind of cool that I'm watching my children play hockey, because our kids play hockey sorry, I had the name dropped there.

00:39:04.934 --> 00:39:07.036
I'm watching these kids play.

00:39:07.036 --> 00:39:14.000
And then we did a public session and we were together and I had a moment like my kids are skating with me.

00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:15.994
You gotta really take yourself out.

00:39:15.994 --> 00:39:18.778
Like you know five, 10, 20 years ago, I love hockey.

00:39:18.778 --> 00:39:21.818
My children are experiencing this with me.

00:39:21.818 --> 00:39:22.592
This is awesome.

00:39:22.592 --> 00:39:26.199
Don't lose sight of that as a parent and as a kid.

00:39:26.510 --> 00:39:36.097
And then when they get older and they take you out to dinner and they pay for the dinner, and you're sitting there and like, wow, my kids are paying for something.

00:39:36.597 --> 00:39:36.798
Right.

00:39:37.530 --> 00:39:38.643
I'm benefiting from it.

00:39:38.643 --> 00:39:40.456
It's like a great moment.

00:39:41.811 --> 00:39:50.731
And I need to thank you, christy, for giving me that light at the end of the tunnel right now, because we offer our kids have some savings and you know we say you want to take mom and me out to dinner.

00:39:50.731 --> 00:39:54.460
They go no, no, why would I do that?

00:39:54.460 --> 00:39:55.302
You can pay for it.

00:39:55.302 --> 00:39:59.416
I was like all right, we'll give that one another 10 years to simmer in the oven.

00:39:59.456 --> 00:40:02.679
there it just gets better and better as the kids get older.

00:40:02.679 --> 00:40:05.197
So just remember that every phase is wonderful.

00:40:05.197 --> 00:40:14.402
So you're right, and I love this phase now where my kids are adults and they're going to do just fantastic things in their adulthood.

00:40:14.402 --> 00:40:21.394
So, that's a great phase too, so just live in the moment, every phase it just gets better.

00:40:21.394 --> 00:40:32.579
So yeah, and the other thing we should add on that list is making sure that your kids know that hard work, if you work hard, it's gonna pay dividends.

00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:32.940
Right.

00:40:33.590 --> 00:40:36.554
So you know, Asim, did you work your hardest, did you do your best?

00:40:36.554 --> 00:40:39.438
Well, yeah, I did, or no, I didn't?

00:40:39.438 --> 00:40:42.755
Okay, well, you know what Next, gay, do your best?

00:40:42.755 --> 00:40:48.494
Work, hard Work at what you didn't look back, what didn't you like, what didn't work for you.

00:40:48.494 --> 00:40:49.572
Work on that.

00:40:49.572 --> 00:40:52.197
Hard work, hard work, hard work.

00:40:52.197 --> 00:40:53.699
You'll see the result.

00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:54.730
It's a great point, christian.

00:40:54.730 --> 00:40:56.856
In fact, it's just been closing to support your fact.

00:40:56.856 --> 00:41:10.175
We as humans this is true of children to adults we don't really know what we're capable of, right, and I think that with kids well, how hard did you work today, getting them to continually raise the bar on what is hard work?

00:41:10.175 --> 00:41:18.235
I could see how that, over 10, 15 years, 18 years, could pay off when they get out of college, or get out of school and understand it.

00:41:18.235 --> 00:41:19.219
Okay, now it's time to work.

00:41:19.219 --> 00:41:23.170
I know what my output level is Right, we were talking about that before the show.

00:41:23.170 --> 00:41:25.717
So output hard work is.

00:41:25.717 --> 00:41:28.534
It's always a good message and explain to them.

00:41:28.534 --> 00:41:29.838
What do you think hard work is?

00:41:29.838 --> 00:41:30.813
How hard can you work?

00:41:30.813 --> 00:41:31.913
Is that the win?

00:41:31.913 --> 00:41:33.092
Show me how hard.

00:41:33.092 --> 00:41:36.737
I'll never forget my daughter saying my heart is beating so fast.

00:41:37.250 --> 00:41:38.155
It was the coolest thing.

00:41:38.329 --> 00:41:39.836
Yeah, it was very cute.

00:41:39.836 --> 00:41:41.396
So I'm gonna end it on that.

00:41:41.396 --> 00:41:43.862
Christie again, wonderful episode with you.

00:41:43.862 --> 00:41:45.090
I love doing duets with you.

00:41:45.090 --> 00:41:50.338
No offense, mike, wherever you are on assignment today Did a rank, believe it or not, that's where he is Of course he is.

00:41:50.641 --> 00:41:51.824
That's where he is, that's what he does.

00:41:51.824 --> 00:41:55.378
That's what he does, so that's good to do it for this edition of our Kids Play Hockey.

00:41:55.378 --> 00:42:01.938
If you have a topic idea or a comment, or even a concern, you can email us at team at ourkidsplayhockeycom.

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00:42:02.721 --> 00:42:10.016
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00:42:20.818 --> 00:42:25.074
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00:42:27.155 --> 00:42:27.496
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00:42:27.496 --> 00:42:28.119
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