Reset, Refocus, Rekindle: How to Save the Second Half of Your Youth Hockey Season

Hello, hockey friends and families around the world. And welcome to another episode

of our kids play hockey, last one of the year almost. I'm Lee Elias,

joined as always by Christie Casciano-Burns and Mike Bonelli. We're recording this

right in that space. We're releasing it right in this space between the holidays and

the home stretch of the season. That's when this is being released. And look, the

skates might be hanging up in the garage. Your kids might be half asleep on the

couch. Maybe you're trying to decide if you want another nap. Or maybe your kids

are playing in 15 ,642 tournaments right now. You're not getting a break. You're

drinking too much coffee. You're shaking at the hands because it's been happening now

for four months and you just need a break wherever you're at on that journey. We're

talking about how to reset, refocus, and rekindle today for players, parents and

coaches.

you go into January and February, which is basically the last month of the season

and in the playoffs, you take a moment to just look at things from those three

things. So, Mike, let me start with you just about the reflection point, right?

Because I think the starting point is you just got to reflect for a moment on the

first three quarters of the season, right? And what are the questions you should

maybe be asking yourself as a player coach and parent before you start to look

forward? Yeah, well, I think I think a lot of it. I'd like to look at through, if

you're a parrot

and my hockey rankings and those kind of things really, really matter, then your

coach is saying, okay, well, I kind of know my players now. I know who's going to

play the most, who's not going to play. And hopefully that coach is communicating

this to the team and to the players individually and letting him know, like, hey,

listen, this is what you signed up for. We are in a playoff hunt. This means a

lot to our team and our program and our philosophy of what we want to do. And we

have to be prepared for that. Now, if you're in another organization that knows, you

know, you're out of it. There's no chance of making the playoffs. You're not

tournament bound. You're in a place where it doesn't really matter day to day what

your record is. Then your coach might be approaching this in a different way. They

might be approaching this as, oh, how do I finish my developmental structure? How do

I improve the players that I have on the team. How do I make it so much fun over

these next two or three months that all my players want to come back and play for

me? So there's all these little different things that are going on in the coach's

mind that the players and the parents have to see, like, how is this coach reacting

to where we are right now in the season? Because, you know, we joke around a lot

on the show, right, that you start thinking about tryouts in November. And sometimes,

and now in October, and because now there's tryouts, like you're mostly our teams,

right, are going to be getting emails in the next two weeks for spring tryouts.

And, and all of a sudden that changes people's perspective on the way the team is

going because in any individual weekend, it's, oh, I'm out of here. Like, I'm going

to go, that team's having a tryout. I'm thinking about that team. So now a coach

that's to juggle all of those things about losing players, keeping players, recruiting

players, because he knows he's losing players. It's a really hard time of the year.

And the only way to combat it in the best way, I think, is communication,

communication, communication. And before we dive into the parent stuff, and Christy,

I'm going to lean on you for that. Mike, something you and I talk about a lot

that I know you agree with me on here, too, is two parts here, right is one

establishing roles for your players you talked about you know your players at this

point I don't think there's anything wrong at any age group of establishing roles

now the role at the younger age is not you're the worst player on the team you

don't play that's not what I mean I'm saying you kind of know who your scores are

you know your passes are you know who's who's excelling and you know who needs more

development it's okay to give those roles out in a positive way so the kids can

embrace those roles especially if you have a good team, like a team that's really

winning. I shouldn't even say good team. A team that's winning right now, it's okay

to have that. Another thing, too, is this. Coaches, I'm talking to you directly.

It's a really great time to ask the coaches from the age up. What are you looking

for for these kids when they graduate to your age level? We don't do this enough.

So, again, every team should be doing this. But especially if your team is

struggling in the win -loss column this year, that's a great question to ask of how,

ask that question but again figure out the roles if you're not in the win loss

column the right way change the win the win can be hey look we're going to compete

we're going to try and play three periods things like that those think coaches the

messages you're giving your kids but speaking of messages too right christie that's

right so let's come at it from a hockey mom perspective and i have been on both

ends of the spectrum this time of the season can be really rough, especially if

your kids are on a losing streak and they've had a losing season. But let me first

spin it around to the positive section. It can be glorious if your kids are having

a winning season. I go back to my daughter's high school hockey season when they

were undefeated. It was a perfect season and they ended up winning the state

championship. That was easy. We never wanted to see the season end. So I'm not

going to talk about that because you don't need any help when your kids have got

great chemistry, great coachies, great leadership. It's wonderful. And you say,

oh my gosh, let's make this last forever. So enjoy it because it's fleeting.

It goes fast. So let's talk about what happens when you're dead smack in the middle

of a losing season. It is rough. You just want to pack it in.

You want to give up on the team. You want to pull your kid off the team and say,

you know, this isn't worth it. But I have to tell you, it is worth it because you

can actually get closer and you can actually help these kids learn some valuable

lessons from a losing season. It's rough. It's rough to go into that rank when

everyone says, oh, there's the losing team. Or these kids, we're going to, we're

going to crush them. So don't look at the scoreboard. Look at the individual

victories. Help your kids look from shift to shift.

How did I do this shift? Did I pass better? Did I pick up some speed?

Was my attention to what my coach was trying to do with this team, spot on?

So look for those little individual victories and not at the scoreboard. That's my

best advice for you. And try to do things that will help lift the kids. You know,

they know they're losing. they know it's rough, but there are things you can do to

encourage them and to lift their spirits. Yeah, Christy, I'll say this too. You're

so right from a parenting standpoint. And, you know, Mike and I have to juggle the

dad and the coach role. Yeah. And that can be hard, right? I mean,

really, especially with your own kids, right? Because, you know, we do hold them to

a pretty high standard. Right. With that stuff. But We also get to observe a lot.

And, you know, look, I observe a lot across the board. I have seen parents really

get on their kids after a game. I've also seen parents be very uplifting. Parents

be the uplifting parent. Yeah. All right. Most of the time. I'll say it like that,

right? I'm not saying you have to be a happy clapper every single day. And, you

know, if your kid put five goals in your net, I'm not saying, oh, it's okay. You

try. That's not what we're saying. Right. All right. You got to go game by game

and just kind of like you need to be the safe place for your kid to go after the

game right right okay right that's i think i think christie was saying too it's so

easy when you're winning to keep going in that direction and it's really easy when

you're losing to now start stop doing the things that you know are right to do

like preparation and and being and being aggressive in your training and making sure

you don't like it's easy when you're a losing team and it just spirals right that

when you're not winning in certain points you start saying oh well i can miss this

practice for my lacrosse training session or i can miss this because oh i got some

homework to do and that's great and i'm like okay well of course if you have a

big test but all this comes into timing right in a winning team somebody somehow

finds a way to get their homework done and make practice. On a losing team,

somebody says, ah, I'm just going to stay home, get my homework done because the

practice doesn't mean much. And then it just now all of a sudden you go out and

you see six kids out of practice. So it's our job as coaches to keep the pedal to

the medal and keep driving players and parents to understand that the mission is not

to win, love winning, but the mission is to develop, get better, love the story.

is to do that in a negative environment. It is hard, especially when you get a

certain group of parents that love to do the finger pointing and do the blame game.

Oh, it's because of this coach. Oh, it's because of that kid. Oh, it's because of

these parents. Everybody's pointing the finger of blame. And it just tears you up

even more. It makes the season even harder. You know why it's like, oh, not only

they lose you, but I got to listen to all that. It's like, time out enough. But I

think there are things that everybody can do to try and, you know, override all of

that, you know. Well, I'm going to attack this from two points. I'm going to talk

to the coaches and then the parents. So, Mike, isn't it funny? Christy, isn't it

funny? You said the kids who kind of miss practices. I always talk about the

standard. I don't know too many teams that are winning that don't have high

standards, right? But habitually, teams with low standards become losers, okay,

in terms of the win -loss column. I don't mean the kids are losers, okay? So I

have coached teams where we do not have a great record, but the standards are so

high. Everyone shows up. Everyone wants to be there, and these kids battle and they

work hard and they get better, right? I've also seen teams where those standards

slip away, and that's when you get the, oh, I don't feel like showing up. Coaches,

it's your job to make sure that standard does not slip. Parents, it's your job to

support the coach with those standards. All right. Now, if you're sitting there

going, my coach doesn't have any standards, that's not good either. Okay, but, but

the record, I just wrote this down, the record. This is not the NHL. The record

does not matter, okay? I always say this. I'm going to say this is a question,

Mike. Do you think as coaches, we don't want to win every game. Of course we want

to win every game. We want to win every game. But I don't have the New York

Rangers lineup. All right. I've got what I've got. And my job is not to win the

Stanley Cup as a youth coach. My job is to, as Mike said, help these kids love

the game and develop them. And this is the second point I was going to make. I've

been coaching long enough. And Mike, I'm glad you're here to back me up on this

because this is going to come across almost as pompous without your support on this.

But it's like, parents, do you know how ridiculous it sounds to us as coaches in

youth hockey, especially the younger ages when you come up to us talking about the

record, right? Like, we kind of laugh at you when you bring that up,

okay? Because I'm going to say it again, of course we care about winning and

losing. That's not where I'm going. But we're not playing the games. We're trying to

develop your kids to be the best hockey player possible. The record's kind of the

result of that, right? And that's not meaning that wins is a better result than

losses. It's just that's the outcome. Go ahead, Mike. I would just like to sit in

a room of 100 parents that I want to talk about records and then really talk

about, and this is something I think, I don't know why I don't bring it up more

in a public setting, probably because I want to keep friends and try to keep people

liking me, but I think it's, I think when I look at somebody and they, and they

go, well, we beat that team 10 -8 last time. We go, yeah, but they didn't have

four players and they played this other goalie, never normally a goalie. And then,

oh, we lost that team, beat that team, that team. I'm like, why are you worrying

about all this? Like, none of this in youth hockey matters. I know it matters. I

get it, but it really doesn't matter. And To me, if it was only coming from

parents that never played sports, I would almost be like I chalk it up as, oh,

that's just a group of people that don't understand any sport. That's how we look

at it. But the problem is it comes from people that know the sport. It comes from

people that wore NHL hockey jerseys. Yeah. Like it still comes, and because you

become a parent, the minute you have a parent and you're watching your child, You

become, there's something happens in your brain that you lose the real perspective of

what every day was like when you were a child, waking up, loving going to the

rink, being in the locker room with your friends, learning something in practice,

accomplishing a goal as a team, you know, having a coach praise you and giving a

star in your helmet. You know, so to me, that's the victories. Those are the wins.

And if you follow that model, more times than not, you are going to be a winning

team. If you follow the standard and you follow the model, you can't do anything

about the teams you're playing. You can't do anything about the league you're in.

You can't do anything about the fact that this other team was able to bring in a

bunch of kids that weren't even developed in their organization. And they just put

together an All -Star team you cannot combat that has nothing to do with you so all

you can do is go into a game going to a weekend and make sure your kids got

better and if they lost they learned something from that loss somehow some way

somehow and then that's again that's why i think that's why i get very offended

when i hear about a coach and i watch coaches and call themselves coaches and it

makes me feel less as a coach. Because I'm like, you're not a coach. You're just a

manager of a team. You're just somebody that is going on the bench. You're not

coaching. You're not developing. I haven't seen a lesson plan, a lineup, a speech, a

goal, a forecast, nothing from you. So don't call yourself a coach in this time of

year right now. If you're a coach, then you're losing. You're going to learn, you're

going to learn how to put your players in a great situation. If you're a coach and

you're winning, then you've got to find a way to manage those winners so that when

it comes down to the playoffs that everybody feels they're contributing and everybody

feels that they're needed because when you lose your best player, Christy, you've

seen this a million times, right? That best player plays, plays, plays, plays, plays,

and all of a sudden on February 13th, they get hurt. And now somebody's got to

step up and play in that player's situation and fill that void. And all too often,

we haven't prepared those other players to be that player. And we haven't done

anything to make them feel like they could play that role. And you'll see teams all

of a sudden, that's how they lose. Because you can't just ride your best athletes

all the time. You have to learn to find a way to bring your team in. And that's,

I think, this time of year, early January, the midseason going into what I call

like the new season or the real season or the season that really matters when it

comes to like playoff hockey and meaningful hockey. It's how are you managing your

personnel to make sure that everybody's in a winning attitude in a winning way where

anybody can step in and play a role as you were talking about earlier in doing

something to help the team win. Right. And that takes some confidence building too

because if you're playing your star players all the time you know the kids that are

two three you know fourth string have no confidence because you never gave them the

opportunity to develop them so it's important to develop them now if you think

you're if you think you're if you're coaching a high school team right now and your

like third and fourth line kids never see the ice you're winning a game 10 to one

and they don't see the ice they're not part of the team team, do not expect them

to come back after your team next year. And you wonder why all these teams, like

I'm in New York State, right? We see team after team after team folding, team after

team after team co -opping, you know, nine schools having to go together to have one

team. Why? Because coaches aren't developing the players that are coming up. They're

playing the best players that they have when those players leave. There's nothing to

fill the void. You don't have a team. You've got to find a way to put players in

a situation where they want to come back and play for you because they know there's

a chance. They know that getting up at 5 in the morning means something. They know

that eating right means something. They know that watching film means something. Not,

hey, just do all those things. Oh, but by the way, you're never going to get a

chance to play anyway. Right, right, right. I'm going to say this too, guys. Mike,

you and I have coached that virtually almost every level now. Very, very high

levels, you know, very young levels. And I have found the common theme to successful

coaching at every level is, it really comes down to two primary things.

One is helping the athletes become the best versions of themselves, period. That's

people, that's player, that's everything. When you focus on that, you tend to do a

pretty good job. The other thing, too, this is a double one, is the best coaches

really care about their athletes, all right? Like, we've said this in previous

episodes. Parents of youth hockey players, I can only speak from myself and Mike,

you know, but this is probably true for most coaches. You don't know how much we

care about your kids. We really, really care about your kids. That's not every

coach, and I do understand that, all right? I'm sure there's people at home

thinking, Well, that guy didn't care. That guy's not a great coach or that person's

not a great coach. Okay. I'm telling all the coaches out there, the keys to

success, it's not your tactical acumen. That's a good thing to have in your cap.

Don't get me wrong. It's are you dedicated to helping these players become the best

versions of themselves and do you care about your players? The other stuff tends to

come pretty easily when you do that. Okay. And then, Mike, to your point, too,

we've got teams right now. I've got teams where I've got, I think it's one

specifically, I've got four really good players. And we've instructed the coaching

staff. We're going to coach those kids, but we really need to focus on the other

10 to 15 players on the team. Because the truth is this, without them playing well,

that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how good. Four players are not going to win

us what we want to win or what we want to accomplish. So everyone deserves that

type of thing. So Listen, I want to say this, too. The reason why we're heavy on

the stuff that we're talking about is to refocus, you have to understand where

you're coming from. So these are some of the things we're talking about to get a

grip on, right? So that's the reflection half of the episode. Well, it's cool. But

it's cool, right? It's cool that you have this little break because you get to come

in and you could make people forget about November. You could make people forget

about early December. You can. If you're coaching a team, you could come in. If you

come in your first practice in January and you've changed everything, winning and

losing, it doesn't matter. If you've changed everything, your smile, your attitude,

your preparation, music, the lighting, if you change everything, people will remember

that. They will forget about September. They will. Here's one too. I'm going to say

it. I'm short memories. It's going to be a groaner for some of the more competitive

people out there but I'm going to say it you have got to have fun while you're

doing this people go oh fun yeah it's got to be fun it does have to be fun it's

got to be fun all right you got to find a way to make it fun again and then

listen things to reset the fun the team culture Mike said it you can change

everything what's the win and I think that that's the first thing of stepping

forward now where are you at and what's your win is your win the championship If

that's your win, start preparing for things to win a championship. Is your win to

be competitive down the line? Is your win to just try and get a win? Is your win

to develop? Redefine your wins, plural, because you can have more than one,

and start preparing your team for that. A mistake, I see a lot of teams make it.

I was just talking about this in team building with the organizations I work with,

is not talking about what it is that you want to accomplish, all right? And it's

funny. In hockey, there's this stigma about, like, you know, players don't touch the

Stanley Cup do they want it, right? Which I get, totally get that. But they think

about winning the Stanley Cup. It's not like they don't think about it. Some teams

don't talk about it. They're very focused on what they're doing. But if you don't

think they have their goals set for what they want to accomplish, you're crazy,

right? So we can do that too, no matter what the age, right? Kids listening.

You can have goals too. Maybe it's

I cannot coach all 15 kids at once, right? If a kid comes up to me and says,

hey, I really want to get a better, you know, I'll say it, Michigan, sure, put it

out there. I don't care. I'll help you with that as long as you're willing to

learn how to do a proper shot and skate. I'll teach you at Michigan, all right?

It's actually not that hard to learn. It's not going to lie to you. All right,

unless you can teach you never to do this in a game unless the specific situation

comes up we want to coach it go to your coaches parents here's one note for you

if your kids write out a list of things they want to work on they go to the

coach right and the coach kind of ignores them that's that's something to pay

attention to yeah all right i my my my my gut is most of you will be pleasantly

surprised okay but these are things to think about all right mike said it earlier

too moving forward if you're already ready in next season in your head, I think

you're doing yourself a disservice. I'm not saying it shouldn't be on your radar.

Don't get me wrong. All right. But like if you're already next season, you're

checked out of this season. You're totally checked out. And odds are you're telling

your kids that too. You know how I know that? Because I hear the chatter. All

right. I'm focused on this season. All right. I, yes, I do have thoughts,

but I'm focused on this season because that's where your kids are right now. Okay.

That's where I have to be. Go ahead. I'm just saying that the reason in college

football, right, you can have a top football coach, you know, change jobs and then

be extracted from the team because you can't focus on two things at once. You can't

do it. You can't be a coach that is, wants your team to be successful and thinking

about how you're building your new team come April. Because if you're out recruiting

and you're out looking for players now and you've given up on the team that you

currently have, that is shown in every aspect of what you do. It's very hard for

coaches to hide that. It's very hard for, especially in the youth hockey world. It's

not like this is, you know, everybody knows where everybody is, right? So if you're

in a town where you know three kids are leaving your program and it's January, it's

a very hard thing to do to rejuvenate that team because those parents are like

we're leaving no matter what so now those three players are leaving the next two

players think they got to leave the last three players don't know what to do

because now there's no team so it's just a vicious cycle of this so again if you

haven't if you didn't get ahead of it in September by laying out you know what

your team is and what your philosophy is then this is a really good time to

reevaluate some of this regroup the people on your team and the families and maybe

look at, you know, and reflect a little bit now and say, what can I do over the

next three months that I wasn't doing that could kind of recuperate what we were

doing with our team? And if it means adding a day in where you can meet with

players individually, if it means giving out a progress report, if it means having

some kind of interaction with your players from a personal level, then do those

things. If you really want to save your team and save your program and have a,

have a better team next year, this is the time of year to, you know, build those

bridges. You know, I want to say too on that, Mike,

because I'm in a weird situation right now where I'm going to be taking over the

reins next year for a current team that I'm an assistant coach on. Yeah, no, thank

you. It's a youth team, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a youth team. And the parents

on the team know about this. That's great. Yeah, yeah. And the reason it's happening

is because of logistics for the other coach. It's completely, it's an understandable

situation, right? We'll say that. You know, and it's funny because I have kind of

repeatedly said it. And this has been a fun thing for me is, man, I just, I

really love coaching. I really love coaching. I love coaching hockey. And you're good

at it. Yeah, but thank you. I really appreciate that. But it's funny because I keep

saying to the parents, I will coach whatever kids are in 17.

whoever is in front of me because I love coaching, all right? And I'm going to say

it again, whether we win every game, lose every game, which is not the goal, I

will coach whoever is in front of me. And it's like that is really my philosophy.

So, and I'm not speaking to anyone in specific. I'm just, I'm being very broad now,

but if you, if you want to go someplace else for the record or for the apparel or

whatever, I'm honestly okay with that. It is, I've had parents say this,

convince me to stay. That is not my job, all right? That is, that is not my role

is to convince you to be here. First off, that puts me in a really awkward

position as coach, where it almost feels like I owe you something, which I don't.

I'm dedicating every minute of the day, right? Like I'm dedicating plenty of time.

But I think parents at own businesses would understand this most, right? If an

employee comes to you,

apparel if it's a new office, whatever it is, right? That is temporary.

It's almost like when I hear coaches give goalies, hey, if you come play goalie for

me, no charge. Why? You play more than anybody. You need no charge. Find me the

kids that want to play for me, and I will coach them up like nobody's coached them

before. And this is how I've done this. This is what we're doing. I've made it

very clear. This is my coaching philosophy. And if you'd like to be a part of

that, Yeah. Come on out. And I, I swear to.

winning the championship at this level. It's your kids love the game. They're

growing. You know what? You know, it's funny what I do think about sometimes. And

again, you guys know I'm a pretty present person, but I do like daydream sometimes

about the kids I coached in like 10 years. Oh, yeah. Like, what do they turn into

in high school or what do they turn into in college? Yeah. And I think about that

from a success point. Like, I can't wait to see that kid succeed. Right. All right.

And look, look, I hope no one's rolling their eyes at that. I really mean, I'm

genuinely. No, but that's, but that's a life moment. I mean, before my father passed

away, he was, it was funny. He was like, you know, I'm going to miss the most.

I'm going to miss knowing what my grandkids became as people. And I was like, you

know what? That's funny because that's how I think about the players I coach. I'm

like, wow, if I could influence this player here, I wonder what they're going to

end up looking like. And the thing is, I use that as a positive negative. I'm

like, listen, This stuff you're doing now, and I know you're, and there's tendencies,

I could tell you right now, I see players at 19, 20 years old that didn't make it

or something happened in their career with a tendency that I knew, and we told them

about, and we worked on when they were nine. And it's like, if this is your

tendency, if this is, like, if this is what you're going to do, we want to fix

it. But what are you going to do? Well, I'm going to go to the best team and

play for that team. I'm not going to really develop, but I'm going to win a lot

more because all the players are better. I go, yeah, but ultimately, you're the one.

Like, that's a very, you know, when you really think about that as a parent and,

and we hear it all the time, right, in this world of social media and soundbites,

do you want the best eight -year -old or do you want the best 18 -year -old? Like,

what is your mission? Is your mission to create the best kid when it matters or do

you want the best kid when it doesn't matter at all? And this is the thing we

struggle with as coaches and parents and organizations all the time because

everybody's in the moment right now. If you're winning now, people think that means

something. But then you wonder why you take the snapshot of those kids and there's

only two of them still playing hockey at 18 years old. I think I'll go with my

record of knowing where players go than your record when you're a first time hockey

parent at eight years old. Yeah, I got to say this. Yeah, a little off topic, but

I got to say it. I have never in a job interview once been asked about the Bantam

championship that my team won in 1997, which is true. I've never been asked about

it. Now, I am very blessed to be at a point in my coaching career where I

actually do have some hockey things on my resume that people do ask about. But

that's a blessing. All right. The truth is this. You know what's happened to me

more than not, especially early on in my career, which it's 20 years ago. I didn't

want to say that. But when I started getting into the real world, you know what? I

would get a lot of interviews. Oh, I see you played sports. Yeah. Not, oh, I see

you won a title. It's, oh, I see you played sports. Yeah. I see you played hockey.

We love that here. They don't care we won. Right? And I'll tell you what, I didn't

go like, yeah, I won a Bannum championship in 1997. Like, oh, yeah, I learned a

lot about teamwork. I, you know, my coach just taught me this. So I just wanted to

make the broad point on this. But this episode is about refocusing. Sorry, we're

getting into another topic. No, but it's funny because this just happened. I ran

into one of Sophia's coaches when she was in light. And he wanted to get all

caught up on oh, how Sophia, where did she end up and he mentioned irin he said i

remember she was the only girl on the team and she got player of the tournament

that we were at in buffalo as a might as a might you know what she was such a

hustler he said i bet he was i knew she would go on to play hockey and i filled

him in yeah you know she went on to play college hockey and now she's in law

school he just beat He said, I loved coaching her.

I absolutely loved coaching her. And I said, well, you were one of her favorite

coaches. I have to tell you. She'll remember you right away. So, yes, you do impact

these kids. You do have an influence on their very young lives. And they carry that

with them. So remember that coaches. Yeah, he's a big part of that.

Yeah. He felt like I helped there. I helped.

right and you know right away when you're watching the game you see it the

chemistry the camaraderie the friendship um you can see the difference it makes when

kids stay together through the years yeah it's pretty magical so so before you give

up just think about what you might be losing instead of what you think you're going

to gain. So there's something to be said for being loyal to a team,

to your kids, to what's best for your little one at this stage of the game.

Don't be so quick to just yank him because you think it's going to be grass is

greener on the other side. Isn't always the case? No, common theme, Christy. And

I'll tell you, too, to your point parents just a little tip on that if you are

thinking about leaving make sure you have a conversation with your kids or where

they're at and don't talk a lot listen to them don't try and implant what you want

to do excellent i've seen that it's like no kids probably having a better time than

you think all right yeah i will say are we always and this will segue into like

the final couple things here um there are reasons sometimes to leave, okay? Maybe

you moved. All right, you're in a different town. If there's extreme bullying, there

are sometimes reasons to go. I'm not negating that, but it's actually in the

minority. Most of the time, the people who switch teams are doing it because of the

record or something like that. Okay. We also have to just give a quick kind of

mindfulness note of just burnout, right? It's very important to pay attention to

that, parents and coaches, if you're seeing a kid who's really burnt out, put

yourself in the kids perspective right now. Like they're halfway through school, like

not even, right? There's a lot going on. Depending on their age, there's a lot

going on. All this hockey on top of it. They've homework. Just do a little tap on

your kids and make sure they're okay, all right, mentally. I'm not saying pulling

from hockey or anything like that. This is the time of year to be like, hey, how

are you doing? And really let them talk to you. Okay. I think that's a super point

to the reset is making sure as parents and coaches, we touch base with them before

we move forward. And Christy, to your point, too, about keeping kids together, this

is where the team building stuff comes in. Yeah. Like when I do team building, I

try and intermix the teams. I want them all to know each other. That's a great

point of it. All right. To close this out, let's just take a, like to get it

completely back on track. making the next two months matter. There's two months left

in the season for most of you, right? Let's just talk about what's one thing each

of us thinks families can do between now and the end of the season to make the

entire experience better on ice or off ice. Who wants to go first on that? I was

throwing around. I could go, I think. I think really just coming to mind, you know,

the first thing you do if you're a family member with your child is come up with

your like three things, you know, three things list, right? Just three things

positive, three things negative, what you could fix and what are attainable. Not, not

like I want to win the championship at the end of the year. It's, hey, I want to

get more time on the penalty kill. I want the coach to acknowledge that I knew

something in the game more than he does now or she does now. Like, give three

things that you don't need a whole list. You don't need this crazy, you know, you

know, 10 paragraphs of what you want to do. Just three things that you've loved

what you've done so far as a season and three things that you want to improve on

before.

get to the end of the year. And it's going to help you, too, as a parent, because

then you're cheering for the same thing that you set the goal for your kid. Right.

And this is a good time, too, to hit the reset button for parents. I mean, take a

moment and reflect what you've done for the team. If you've been that negative

nelly, you can turn things around, right? And if you've been that positive force,

keep it Um, if you've been neutral, you haven't done anything,

well, now is your time to say, hey, I can step up. I can make, make the final

stretch of the season memorable for the team, for parents. Um, you know,

plan some things. Do some fun stuff for the kids. Um, have the parents over,

you know, get together, get to know each other a little better if you, if you

haven't done that yet. And I love what Mike said about setting goals because now

you've got a good perspective as kids and parents of what you've been able to

accomplish, what you haven't hit, and make small goals. You don't have to make huge

goals, just little steps that when the season ends, you can look back and say,

wow, my kids so much better at passing, you know, but kids skating has improved.

You know, he's really taking some good shots on that net instead of hitting the

goalie's stomach, you know. So there's lots of little things that you can do to set

his goals to make the season something that you'll be really proud of. I agree with

both you. My final note here is more of a reminder to parents. Of those three

things, you should be saying to your kids before every practice, every game, which

is one of our most popular episodes. But if you're not doing this, get back in the

habit of doing it. I love you no matter what happens out there. I love watching

you play and work hard, you know, have fun and get better. Learn something today.

If you're not consistently, I cannot recommend this enough. If you are not

consistently saying that to your kid before every situation, get in the habit of

doing that. It has major effects. It creates that safe environment for your child.

They should feel safe around you. Okay. I'm not saying safe space. I'm saying feel

safe around you. Okay. And it allows them to play without the fear of disappointing

you as the parent, which, in my opinion, no kids should be playing that way. I

know some of us were raised that way, that every statistic shows that is not the

method anymore. Your kids are aware of mental health. They should feel safe around

you. I love you no matter what happens. I love watching you play, work hard, have

fun, get better. That's my parting advice for the rest of the season.

Great episode, guys. Always fun. Getting to the end of the year here. We got some

exciting shows coming up for you. Make sure you stay tuned because we do this year

-round. We don't stop because we don't know how to take a break. All right, we also

love doing what we do. So with that said, for Mike Finnelli, Krista Gashita Burns,

I'm Lee Elias. Remember, if you have any topics you'd like us to go over, you have

a question about this show. Email us, team at Our Kids Play Hockey. And there's

always the link accompanying the episode in the description. tap on that, tell us

your name, where you're from. Any questions or comments you want us to discuss. A

lot of our episodes are inspired by you. We can keep it unanimous if you want.

Unanimous. Sorry, anonymous. We unanimously agree. It can be anonymous. That's a

broadcasting turn right there. We'll see you on the next episode of Our Kids Play

Hockey, everybody. Take care.