Jan. 6, 2024

Should Coaching Youth Hockey Be Emotionally Draining?

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

In this episode of Our Kids Play Hockey, hosts Lee Elias and Mike Bonelli delve into the emotional aspects of youth hockey coaching. They discuss the important role coaches play in not only teaching the game but also in shaping young lives. The episode extends beyond game tactics and drills, offering a deeper look into the emotional investment and patience required in coaching youth sports.

Lee and Mike share practical tips on how to engage young players, maintain their interest, and utilize educational techniques to make practices more effective and enjoyable. The discussion highlights the significance of building emotional connections with players, the impact of positive reinforcement, and the advantages of a station-based coaching approach.

The episode emphasizes the importance of setting realistic goals, teaching fundamental skills, and appreciating each young athlete's unique journey. Lee and Mike provide insights on finding the right balance between discipline and development, stressing the importance of fostering a love for the game in young players. This episode is a valuable resource for coaches and parents, filled with stories and strategies to enhance the youth hockey experience and celebrate success on and off the ice.

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00:52 - Coaching Youth Hockey's Emotional Toll

11:14 - Effective Coaching Strategies for Youth Sports

20:01 - Youth Hockey Coaching Strategies and Challenges

25:27 - Coaching and Expectations in Youth Hockey

34:46 - Coaching Kids

43:05 - Emotional Draining in Coaching Hockey

54:11 - Importance of Expressing Appreciation and Positivity

WEBVTT

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Mike and I dive into this episode kind of as coaches today to discuss whether coaching should be emotionally draining or if it's an emotional investment of your time, and we go through a lot of the tips and tactics that we use, really mentoring ourselves as younger coaches in a way of things we wish we knew then now on how to approach practice and how to approach coaching youth hockey a little bit of a better mindset that helps you get through the season, helps you get through the year.

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We also discuss a lot about how parents should be approaching this and kind of viewing their coaches in this episode.

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So it's a really great one.

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But, above all, enjoy this episode with Mike and I as we discuss should hockey coaching be emotionally draining.

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Here we go.

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Hello hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome to another edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

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We have a fantastic question today, submitted by one of our users.

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Mike and I were discussing it on the air for a while.

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Mike.

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Yes, lee, go ahead.

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I have the question here.

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I'm going to give it to the audience now.

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They're eagerly waiting and I've been teasing them too long.

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The question is should coaching youth hockey be emotionally draining?

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It's a great question.

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Many people listening right now going.

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I'm emotionally drained as a parent, as a coach, but today we're going to discuss this as coaches, of how emotionally draining or not emotionally draining coaching youth hockey is, because I think it's an important perspective that everyone gets.

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Mike, I really believe that.

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Yeah, well, yeah, I get everybody.

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Yes, you are by definition.

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When you're coaching at any level, you're emotionally invested.

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Hopefully, hopefully, you're not some cyborg and just come out there and don't have any care about who you're working with and what you're doing, you won't last thing if you do that, maybe you will.

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I see a lot of cyborgs out there, though, so I think if you're emotionally invested, that's probably a good sign you care, but should you?

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But what is that emotional investment consists of, and at what detriment to your emotional health Does it, should it manifest itself?

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Well, I can tell you this With youth hockey, specifically, the fine, the fine, our youth hockey here today we're talking like 10U.

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Yeah, I would say 10U down.

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I mean, in my experience of talking about just starting with Adams for the first time, I'm going to kind of go through my journey a little bit.

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You've been through the whole thing and again, like I came into Adams after having coached very high levels for quite a bit of time and I'm not going to lie to you, the first season or two I was completely emotionally compromised and it was draining.

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But that's because I had not matured yet in the role and I'm hoping to be able to share.

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Here's what I've learned from coaching those levels.

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That has really, in my opinion, made me a much better emotionally stable person when coaching those levels, because I really do feel like I have a grip on it now.

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But I'll tell you right now, mike, when I started I had very little patience.

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I had a lot of anxiety.

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I mean, my kid was on the ice, which probably didn't help with that anxiety.

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I think if I was just coaching kids it would have been different.

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But I've said this before on the show, but I got to say it again I had to really learn how to be patient as a coach, as a parent, and it's not just on the ice.

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This is what I wanted to say.

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It's everything from hey, when we get home, you have to empty your bag, you have to dry your equipment, you have to pack your bag, and it was just none of it was happening.

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I was really upset, constantly saying to myself I really am not enjoying this.

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And then I remember there was a moment, mike, I kind of hit this wall and I said it's not the kids, it's me.

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And when I hit that place, things started to change.

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I'm expecting at the time a six, seven-year-old to kind of know what to do with their bag and I'm probably speaking pretty aggressively.

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I wasn't even making an environment where it was going to be conducive to learning, it was just a hassle.

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So what I did was I decided I'm going to change my mentality here.

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I'm going to be insanely patient.

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Instead of thinking these kids are going to get something in one practice or two practices, it might take them the entire season and I have to be okay with that from on the ice.

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In terms of the hockey bag, it's maybe I should help him first or help her first, before I get on them and just find a better way to teach, because at the end of the day, mike.

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This is the big realization.

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One is that I play a role in my own emotional state.

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Again, I went from being emotionally drained to emotionally invested.

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And then the other big realization is that coaching young kids it's like preschool, kindergarten, first grade.

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You have to have the same level of patience with these kids that those teachers do, because they're the same age, it's the same thing, it's school for them.

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And again, once I got there, I really started to change and again now I'm in a position, mike, I'm going to throw it to you that I really am very comfortable now with progress and or lack of progress might be the better word or emotional outbursts from a nine year old, eight year old, seven year old, which is really kind of somewhat normal, and just being patient with all of it.

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I've gotten myself there.

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But if you're a new coach or you're the parent of a kid on a team with a new coach, it's hard.

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It's really really hard.

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Yeah, I mean like so.

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When I was, when I was direct, when I was overseeing the coaching education program for our district the first to first, literally the first two weeks I was in the role the first thing I did was seek out preschool and kindergarten teachers that coach hockey and like that is the key, like it doesn't matter what, it doesn't matter if you know any hockey and, frankly, it doesn't even matter if you know math, science and in English in preschool, in first grade.

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It really doesn't, it matters.

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Can you emotionally invest your time in kids and have the patience and the understanding that they're there's?

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It's impossible for those children to feed off of what you think they should be at six and seven and eight years old.

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Now, the caveat to this is are there eight year olds that are, that are 15 year olds?

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Yes, there are kids that are very mature, that are tying their skates at four years old, that are taping their own stick, that are watching game, film.

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They're just are.

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I mean, and yeah, that's good, that's great.

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I think that's great for those families.

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I guess it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's a.

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You know, if that's your child, then hey, you're, you're, you're ahead of the game, I guess, as far as the, you know the amount of pressure you put on yourself as a coach or a parent that your kid needs to aspire to be a pro hockey player.

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But for 98 percent of the rest of us, a six year old is still playing with Legos.

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He's still not cleaning their room on a consistent basis.

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Barely reading is is, is the?

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is the kid that says oh I know you made me dinner the last three hours, but I don't like that, so I would like a dinosaur chicken nugget.

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Every boy is nodding with you, Michael and I get it.

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I and that's and listen, I was.

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I was that coach.

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I was the coach when I was 23 years old, working with kids screaming and yelling.

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Why don't you get this?

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These kids got to be the stupidest people I've ever met in my life and like why aren't you listening to me?

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Well, because you're boring and these drills are hard and I don't understand them.

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And what the hell are you doing?

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Like, like and I always resort to it, me.

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So funny when we're working with new instructors now at the learn the play level and the intro to hockey, and even with older adults, like we do with an adult hockey.

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Learn the play yeah, always resort and fall to fun.

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Always Something's not going well.

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Play tag, absolutely.

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The kids are a little erratic.

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Play, keep away.

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The kids are not listening and they're not engaged.

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Your drills are boring, they're not fun.

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So I mean you can engage any seven year old, any seven year old.

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If you watch and look and educate yourself, you can engage any seven year old.

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Now I think the conversation kept stemming around and the kind of the call in and discussion was around the emotional, like how do you control that emotion as an adult?

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Like in, where and where does it go over the line Like are you really that adult that is just losing their mind in an hour?

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I mean, imagine going like I just can't imagine anymore.

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I can't imagine going to a 50 minute practice with a bunch of six year olds and dreading it and being like, oh, this is the worst thing I can be doing out here, cause you know who notices that those six year olds?

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Well, and the parents and you know what's interesting, mike, and what we both said here, is that there was this moment of realization of it's not them, it's me, right, and I think that that's part of the maturity of a coach, because, look, I would say there's lots of different coach forms and most young, new coaches come in with the attitude of I'm going to revolutionize how this is done and I can teach anybody and we're going to learn and we're, and here's the thing.

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It's actually a great kind of thing, it's a great thought.

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Right, you want to do a good job, that's really what you're saying.

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But it's very hard to relate to a six, seven, eight, nine, 10 year old if you're not going to meet them where they're at.

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And one of the things you just said, you know, if the kids are not paying attention, you know, look, I think there is some room for hey, listen, depending on the level.

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When a coach is speaking, you do need to listen.

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I don't have a problem instructing the kids of hey, listen.

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We do need to pay attention when coach is talking.

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But if it's habitual in the sense that kids aren't caring, yeah, no, you need to look at the drills.

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Are the drills fun?

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And again, listen.

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We said younger, this is true, really up the ranks.

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I mean, even when I was a teenager, I wanted the drills to be fun.

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They had a higher purpose.

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I understood it.

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Yeah, so the answer to that is right.

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Are they age appropriate?

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Right so they can be fun, but are they age appropriate, like I watched?

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So we just did a program in the Bronx with a bunch of first, second, third graders in Trotahaki and these teachers were on it Like all the kids are yelling, I'm yelling.

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Everybody listen, everybody's gotta listen.

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Sit down.

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And they're like they just do one little like little.

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Yep, that's yep.

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Like three, two, one boom.

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All the kids are listening.

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So what I do just so you know I love to give actionable items is I will always say if you can hear me, put your hands on your head, put your hands on your head, if you can hear me.

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Kids understand Simon Says.

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They always have.

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In fact, last night we had a game and they were a little rowdy.

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Before the game I played Simon Says man.

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They all perked up.

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I know that game.

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We can play, simon Says Right.

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So again to your point.

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One of the things that I actually sought out and I'd love to share this information right is, I realized pretty quickly in the youth hockey journey I need to start looking at elementary education Education, like I need to speak to teachers and learn how they do this every day and somehow survive that, because that was the missing piece.

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And look, usa hockey or hockey, canada can only go so far with that aspect.

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They're not gonna teach you to be an elementary school teacher.

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It's not really their job, right?

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So I sought out that extra information.

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I started talking to my kids' teachers.

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Hey, what are the methods that you use to get them to pay attention?

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What are the methods you use when they're not paying attention?

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And guess what, mike, they were more than happy.

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They were so shocked that someone even asked Like they were more than happy to say and the funny thing is, you guys have phys ed teacher.

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I said would you ever take 20 kids, line them up on the gym, go down to the other side of the gym and yell directions at them about what they need to do in this technical aspect of a skill?

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And I look at you like what are you crazy?

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Like half the kids would be beating each other up.

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The other kids would be hiding under the bleachers.

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Two kids would have walked outside the back door already and it's just like you know.

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There's no way to corral those kids.

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And then I think you know the one concept that certainly USA hockey has been a leader in and around the world.

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Watching international hockey is like the station-based small environments where you can have a coach be with.

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Like it's just so much easier to work at five kids than 50.

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And when you can start pinpointing, no matter what skill level you are, it doesn't matter what skill level you are at with six and seven year olds, it's can you be engaging, emotionally connected, and can you look like, can you put a smile on your face that kids can see and communicate with them, and then it doesn't even have to be in a verbal way it could be.

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You know, like a physical way, if you're out there, you know poke, check in and move in the mound, like I see a lot of videos and you know this is all context, right you all look like I don't know.

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I often don't judge people's ability to coach based off a 30 second clip or a 10 second clip.

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Or you know, some of you will post like, oh, look at this guy, how's the kids doing a circle drill?

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And I've been guilty of this too Like in the like, just kind of coming into a practice and be like, oh my God, this is what is going on out here.

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But you know, you don't know the whole context, you don't know.

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Maybe that guy's out there alone, maybe he thought he usually has five coaches and today he has one.

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You know, I saw a video the other day of a coach hitting the kid in the shin guards and then kind of rubbing him in the face.

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And I'm thinking and going, oh my God, this is horrible, how bad could this be?

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And I'm like Jesus, I do that every day.

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Like I do that every day Now I don't slash a kid to break his kneecaps, but I'm poking and rubbing my feet.

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You know, put the kids on the ground and you're.

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If you're smiling, they're smiling.

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If you're engaged, they're engaged.

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If you're playing tag and you know I joke around with the kids all the time like I'm out there, I'm gonna get you.

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There's no way you're winning this battle.

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I'm taking that ring get from you and taking that puck from you and they, you know, hopefully they want to compete.

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It drives the competition out of them.

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But I think if I was out there telling them to do a drill and they weren't getting it and they weren't listening and they weren't paying attention, and my blood pressure is going up and up and up and up.

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That's when you have to then say okay, where am I emotionally here and how?

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Why am I yelling at six year olds?

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And I?

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Because I don't.

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I think if all of us sat in our kids' kindergarten with first-wave classes, I think we would probably report every teacher that would do that to our kids, right?

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I think if we were in a classroom, if we sat in the classroom and we were able to go on a live bar in classroom edition and sit there and watch kindergarten and first grade class.

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The world would implode if we did that.

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All day.

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I can't believe that this teacher is swearing at my kid about not listening Right.

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I don't know why.

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I coach high school hockey players right now.

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The same expectation I have for me and the kids is the same I have for them when they left the classroom 25 minutes ago.

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Why are you swearing?

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Why are you f-bombing?

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Why are you like?

00:16:04.761 --> 00:16:09.732
Why is this now okay when it wasn't okay two hours ago?

00:16:09.732 --> 00:16:10.321
I get it.

00:16:10.321 --> 00:16:13.268
Sport is a lot of latitude in sport.

00:16:13.268 --> 00:16:14.812
I understand that.

00:16:14.812 --> 00:16:16.063
I'm not trying to be soft here.

00:16:16.063 --> 00:16:25.991
We do have an obligation, depending on the age or appropriateness of where you're at with your kids, to be engaged with them in the same learning environment that they have during the day.

00:16:26.980 --> 00:16:27.884
I'll say a couple things here.

00:16:27.884 --> 00:16:29.365
Mike, I wrote some notes while we were talking.

00:16:29.365 --> 00:16:34.750
I think that when it comes to sport, there's a level of discipline that needs to exist.

00:16:34.750 --> 00:16:42.826
My philosophy with discipline with younger kids is kind of the break them down to build them up kind of mentality.

00:16:42.826 --> 00:16:49.390
When I say break them down, I don't mean verbally assault the kid, I'm saying that as the coach, or coaches.

00:16:49.390 --> 00:16:53.083
Again, there are times you need to listen to your coach's instruction.

00:16:53.083 --> 00:17:00.327
If you are not listening, I will point you out and I will say excuse me, the coach is speaking or my other coach is speaking.

00:17:00.327 --> 00:17:01.269
You need to listen.

00:17:01.269 --> 00:17:02.899
It is not your turn to talk.

00:17:02.899 --> 00:17:04.926
I have no problem disciplining a kid.

00:17:04.926 --> 00:17:09.871
I will also always be and I practice what I preach and everybody knows been on the ice with me knows this.

00:17:09.871 --> 00:17:14.730
I will also be the first one to high five that kid when they do a good job the next time.

00:17:14.730 --> 00:17:17.366
Or I will say hey, you did a great job listening.

00:17:17.366 --> 00:17:17.989
That time.

00:17:17.989 --> 00:17:20.165
You break them down to build them up.

00:17:20.165 --> 00:17:23.148
That is how I teach them that aspect.

00:17:23.148 --> 00:17:26.490
I don't think there is anything wrong if it's done.

00:17:26.490 --> 00:17:30.605
The right way of explaining that type of discipline to your children.

00:17:30.605 --> 00:17:32.446
Again, it's not, why aren't you listening?

00:17:32.446 --> 00:17:34.486
You need to listen when the coach is speaking.

00:17:34.486 --> 00:17:37.209
It's not, again, not verbally assaulting them.

00:17:37.209 --> 00:17:39.767
I'm saying when a coach speaks, you listen.

00:17:39.767 --> 00:17:40.529
It's instructive.

00:17:40.529 --> 00:17:42.246
Then same thing on a drill.

00:17:42.246 --> 00:17:46.429
If someone's not paying attention on a drill, I'm not going to scream down the ice, I'm going to come over here.

00:17:46.429 --> 00:17:49.308
We're going to start again, because that's not what I explained.

00:17:49.308 --> 00:17:50.324
Were you paying attention?

00:17:50.324 --> 00:17:58.871
Again, I do think and again, this is at any age level If you start quote, unquote soft, I mean you're setting yourself up.

00:17:58.871 --> 00:18:01.163
You need to start with a certain expectation of.

00:18:01.163 --> 00:18:04.952
This is kind of how it goes when the coaches speak, you will listen.

00:18:04.952 --> 00:18:06.124
These are my expectations.

00:18:06.124 --> 00:18:08.787
Now, with that said, this is kind of the other thing I wrote down.

00:18:08.787 --> 00:18:12.628
You have to have realistic expectations.

00:18:12.628 --> 00:18:23.490
It is not realistic for me to think that seven, eight, nine, 10 year olds are going to listen on every word that I say, every practice, at every time.

00:18:23.490 --> 00:18:26.026
That is absolutely not realistic in any way.

00:18:26.026 --> 00:18:33.132
I expect to have to do some of this explanation or discipline or whatever word you want to use there.

00:18:33.132 --> 00:18:41.560
I think that where a lot of coaches run into the emotionally draining side, mike and this is where I want to throw it back to you is they'll come in with this expectation of this season.

00:18:41.560 --> 00:18:44.549
I want to accomplish these 15 things with this team.

00:18:44.549 --> 00:18:46.386
They can't skate, pass or shoot.

00:18:46.386 --> 00:18:49.267
When I'm done with this team, they're going to be the best in the league.

00:18:49.267 --> 00:18:51.724
You don't know the team yet.

00:18:51.724 --> 00:19:11.843
You can come in with some expectations, but after five or six practices you have to be willing and again, Mike, this is where a lot of coaches get lost you have to be willing to throw that expectation list in the garbage and say okay, listen, we need to work on skating At the end of the season if these kids can skate somewhat efficiently, and that's it, especially at the younger ages.

00:19:11.843 --> 00:19:13.929
I'm talking, I've done my job.

00:19:13.929 --> 00:19:14.961
Again.

00:19:14.961 --> 00:19:17.048
I'm working with the team right now.

00:19:17.048 --> 00:19:20.189
We had a coaches meeting and 15 things came up in this coaches meeting.

00:19:20.189 --> 00:19:23.648
Every one of them a legit thing the team needs to work on.

00:19:23.648 --> 00:19:24.982
I instructed us.

00:19:24.982 --> 00:19:30.846
I said listen, we got to break this down to three things that we want to work on over the season.

00:19:30.846 --> 00:19:39.508
Right now we will start with one of them and when we feel we get proficient enough in that one, then we can move on, because one builds to the next.

00:19:39.508 --> 00:19:49.805
We can't jump into tactics extreme hockey tactics if they can't pass efficiently or they can't transition efficiently.

00:19:49.805 --> 00:20:05.505
You got to be willing to raise or lower your expectations to meet those kids where they're at and to have a very clear view of what is it that, from a development standpoint, we need to work on this year.

00:20:05.505 --> 00:20:16.050
If you can do that, the emotionally draining part of it becomes emotional investment, because now you have really clear, good expectations and goals for the team.

00:20:16.050 --> 00:20:22.542
You can tell the players that, mike, you can say listen, I want you guys and girls to be great skaters by the end of the season.

00:20:22.542 --> 00:20:24.000
So we're going to work on that.

00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:24.200
Mike.

00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:25.544
Sauce on the puck to you.

00:20:29.282 --> 00:20:29.462
Well.

00:20:29.462 --> 00:20:38.670
So again, I think I fall on the words of where, okay, if you're working, if you're working with a certain age group and let's go back to this age appropriate age group.

00:20:38.670 --> 00:20:45.866
I think actually in the clip these are like and some of the conversations are around like, these are five, six, seven-year-old kids.

00:20:45.866 --> 00:20:48.403
These weren't high school, like.

00:20:48.403 --> 00:20:53.528
I have certain rules, right, whistle blows or drill ends and we're going in, or it's a non-shooting drill.

00:20:53.528 --> 00:20:59.781
You're not shooting, like if the whistle blows and we're calling everyone in and we're transitioning to the next activity.

00:20:59.781 --> 00:21:04.385
You're not ripping pucks off the back of my head, it's just an expectation.

00:21:04.385 --> 00:21:08.067
If you do, there's a discipline there and I had that at every level, right?

00:21:08.067 --> 00:21:10.749
So now am I worrying about a five-year-old hitting me?

00:21:10.749 --> 00:21:14.067
No, but I'm worrying about an 18-year-old hitting me Like I don't want you know.

00:21:14.067 --> 00:21:19.568
Or everybody relaxes, the whistle blows and also this guy wants to wheel around and take a puck off the post.

00:21:19.568 --> 00:21:22.343
So little things like that.

00:21:22.343 --> 00:21:24.670
Right, it depends on the age.

00:21:24.670 --> 00:21:53.291
But if we're talking about coaches that get emotionally crazy, emotionally invested or overzealous about certain aspects of where they're at, teaching a lot of us because you're trying to teach, I mean you're trying to do stuff that for most of the kids in your team, concepts that they don't need to understand, want to understand, or even benefits them from understanding.

00:21:53.291 --> 00:21:59.011
If you can find ways to play, play, play, just be in an area you know.

00:21:59.011 --> 00:22:06.113
Again, if you need technical pieces of stick handling and block drills and you know tactical stuff, that's fine.

00:22:06.113 --> 00:22:11.420
In my opinion, after Jesus, you know like 35, 40 years of doing this consistently.

00:22:11.661 --> 00:22:14.784
You don't have to count it out on the air, I just don't think it's.

00:22:14.865 --> 00:22:16.789
I just don't think it benefits the six-year-old.

00:22:16.789 --> 00:22:17.330
I really don't.

00:22:17.330 --> 00:22:26.253
I think there's like when I watch coaches do flow drill breakouts with seven-year-olds and eight-year-olds and mites, it is absolutely now can they do it?

00:22:26.253 --> 00:22:39.689
And do some of the kids look like they can do it, they can do something, like they're out there, but they're robotic, like if you're yelling at a kid for not taking the puck behind the net, hitting the winger, and then the winger hits the center and it's cutting across the top of the you know circle.

00:22:39.689 --> 00:22:41.973
I see it every day.

00:22:41.973 --> 00:22:46.820
I walk into rinks every day and I'm looking like why, why do people accept this Like?

00:22:46.820 --> 00:22:52.251
Why do people want a seven-year-old to look like an 18-year-old?

00:22:52.251 --> 00:22:53.883
And why do the coaches?

00:22:53.883 --> 00:22:57.872
Why do they get so emotionally crazy about them?

00:22:57.872 --> 00:23:10.212
They're not being able to teach that and what it tells me is they just don't know, they're just not educated to know that they can't teach it Right, that it's just not in the, it's not in the lexicon of what they should be teaching those eight-year-olds.

00:23:10.654 --> 00:23:12.339
You know one of the I'll get pushed back.

00:23:12.881 --> 00:23:14.224
I'll get pushed back from the AAA.

00:23:14.224 --> 00:23:25.430
Elite coaches, I get it, but you're dealing with very, very few people, kids, and even at the elite level, with those few kids there's very few of those kids that are getting it.

00:23:26.099 --> 00:23:27.282
To get to the elite level.

00:23:27.282 --> 00:23:30.371
A lot of things have to happen for a player to get that good Right.

00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:32.263
Well, I'm saying elite too at seven-year-olds.

00:23:32.263 --> 00:23:32.586
So that's-.

00:23:33.584 --> 00:23:34.499
Oh, you're making the sure catch.

00:23:34.499 --> 00:23:35.482
Look, here's the deal.

00:23:35.482 --> 00:23:37.028
Everybody advances differently.

00:23:37.028 --> 00:23:40.028
Like hockey players are like kids who read or do math.

00:23:40.028 --> 00:23:41.746
Everybody develops a little bit differently.

00:23:41.746 --> 00:23:42.843
You're gonna some people.

00:23:42.843 --> 00:23:47.742
I have seen athletes become 15 or 16, and you never would have given them a look.

00:23:47.742 --> 00:23:52.411
And then suddenly they are the best player on the ice by far, because they're great athletes.

00:23:52.411 --> 00:23:53.945
But, mike, I want to rewind back.

00:23:53.945 --> 00:24:02.167
You know, one of the most eye-opening moments for me, probably about 10 years ago, was I remember I was in a coaching clinic for younger kids.

00:24:02.167 --> 00:24:14.184
It was kind of one of the first times I ever had to do that and I was asked to describe a stride like a hockey stride, mechanically, and I had a really hard time with it because I've never had to do it.

00:24:14.184 --> 00:24:15.144
I could always just skate.

00:24:15.144 --> 00:24:19.605
You know, I was always coaching older people, the older people, you know, older players that knew how to skate.

00:24:19.605 --> 00:24:27.126
And suddenly I'm being asked mechanically, from the core to the hip, to the knee, to the ankle, to the placement, to the dry.

00:24:27.126 --> 00:24:34.027
I mean things I had never thought about before and I'm realizing in this moment like wow, I don't know how to teach someone how to skate.

00:24:34.027 --> 00:24:36.788
I mean, I do, but I don't you know what I mean, and-.

00:24:37.819 --> 00:24:41.326
I can show them, but I can't put it on a whiteboard and say, listen, this is what I need to do.

00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:43.204
Right, and it's you know.

00:24:43.204 --> 00:24:48.224
That was another eye-opening moment for me of just hey, you don't know everything, right, you can always be learning.

00:24:48.224 --> 00:24:55.969
And it's like you're saying, with the breakout of, you're teaching them something before you know there's 10 steps before the breakout.

00:24:55.969 --> 00:24:59.382
Now I also understand at the really young ages it's like you know, if we can get the breakout down, we can get goals.

00:24:59.382 --> 00:25:00.425
And we can get goals we can win games.

00:25:00.425 --> 00:25:05.185
Well, I mean, look first off in Mike, they don't keep score most of the time.

00:25:05.185 --> 00:25:09.788
You know, by the time you get the score, you know that's a good skill set to start learning.

00:25:09.788 --> 00:25:13.788
But if they don't understand the purpose or the skill sets behind it, you know what ends up happening.

00:25:13.788 --> 00:25:17.667
Defense rings around the boards, winger misses it goes to the defenseman on the other team.

00:25:17.667 --> 00:25:22.963
They shoot the puck, defense gets, it rings around, it becomes cyclical, right when there's a lot of like you know.

00:25:22.963 --> 00:25:34.505
Again, personally, I think possession is an important skill to understand of don't just play ping pong with the puck, let's build some confidence in our players of holding onto the puck and having someone earn the puck from them.

00:25:34.505 --> 00:25:43.304
And I always tell my players look, I tell adult league players this if you have the puck and there's no pass, don't just throw it away.

00:25:43.304 --> 00:25:48.426
And if you have the puck and a player comes to you and takes it from you, they've earned the puck.

00:25:48.426 --> 00:25:51.986
I'd rather they earn it beating you than you just throw it to the other team.

00:25:51.986 --> 00:25:58.048
Now that is to me, along with skating and stick handling and passing, a valuable lesson for a young kid.

00:25:58.048 --> 00:26:03.287
If you don't have to throw it away right away, you do need to look for your teammates, but you don't have to throw it away right.

00:26:03.287 --> 00:26:18.739
So little things like that, just keeping the conversation on course here, michael, another thing I want to bring about, just with emotional draining, there's some advice I got as a high school player that I think applies heavily equally to coaches and parents, for that matter.

00:26:18.739 --> 00:26:23.318
And I remember I was being driven to a game by one of my coaches and I was having just a hard time.

00:26:23.318 --> 00:26:26.714
It was high school, it was having a hard day, whatever life was happening.

00:26:26.714 --> 00:26:31.619
And he said to me you know, when you walk in this rink, you leave all that outside.

00:26:31.619 --> 00:26:33.619
You have to leave all of it outside.

00:26:33.619 --> 00:26:35.420
You're here to play hockey, play hockey.

00:26:35.420 --> 00:26:36.532
This is your place of peace.

00:26:36.532 --> 00:26:38.618
And you know, honestly, to that point.

00:26:38.618 --> 00:26:44.880
No one had really told me that, and we talk a lot on this show about being present, right, it's the same thing as a coach.

00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:46.619
This is what the kids don't understand.

00:26:46.619 --> 00:26:56.174
And, by the way, the kids don't care If you had a hard day at work or you had an argument with your spouse, or you had horrible, horrible traffic on the way over or the weather is bad.

00:26:56.174 --> 00:26:59.538
A kids, they don't care, nor should they care.

00:26:59.538 --> 00:27:01.998
It's not their job to care about that.

00:27:01.998 --> 00:27:02.641
Their kids, their kids.

00:27:02.641 --> 00:27:03.743
B.

00:27:03.743 --> 00:27:06.310
You got to leave all of it outside the rink.

00:27:06.310 --> 00:27:10.448
When you walk into that rink, it should be a fresh place for you.

00:27:10.448 --> 00:27:18.967
You have to leave the day outside, and here's the reason why you deserve that as a human, and the kids, most importantly, deserve that too.

00:27:18.967 --> 00:27:28.686
When you walk into that rink, all of the stresses in your life I know it's not as easy as it sounds you got to leave it outside the door because when you walk in that rink, you're a coach.

00:27:28.686 --> 00:27:34.327
Now, I mean, you're a coach all the time, but you know what I mean, right, so it can be a place of peace for you too.

00:27:34.327 --> 00:27:37.800
But I think if you walk in there with the, I had a horrible day to now.

00:27:37.800 --> 00:27:38.744
I got to coach these kids.

00:27:38.744 --> 00:27:43.201
You are just completely setting yourself up for disappointment Right now.

00:27:43.201 --> 00:27:43.924
I got to say this too.

00:27:43.924 --> 00:27:45.804
At the same time, parents that don't coach.

00:27:45.804 --> 00:27:49.527
Remember coaches have had a hard day.

00:27:49.527 --> 00:27:51.345
Sometimes you don't know what they're coming from.

00:27:51.345 --> 00:27:55.767
You don't know that here's a good one If you hit traffic, get your kid to practice.

00:27:55.767 --> 00:27:56.701
It's a good chance.

00:27:56.701 --> 00:28:03.863
The coach did too right and, trust me, none of us want to show up 10 minutes before practice fumbling around with the game plan or the practice plan.

00:28:03.863 --> 00:28:07.423
You got to remember that the coaches have lives too, and I know how many of you do.

00:28:07.423 --> 00:28:11.209
To be fair, mike, many parents often ask how are you doing?

00:28:11.209 --> 00:28:11.982
Is everything okay?

00:28:11.982 --> 00:28:17.208
I mean, I'm not saying that everybody's rude, but if you see the coach on the ice has had a bad day.

00:28:17.208 --> 00:28:18.583
It may be had a bad day.

00:28:18.583 --> 00:28:19.507
Maybe she had a bad day.

00:28:19.507 --> 00:28:21.547
All right, we're human, right?

00:28:21.547 --> 00:28:24.628
So we all have to exercise some patience with that.

00:28:24.628 --> 00:28:25.643
To a point, right?

00:28:25.643 --> 00:28:27.023
Someone's out of line.

00:28:27.023 --> 00:28:28.523
They're out of line, but go ahead, mike.

00:28:28.940 --> 00:28:31.884
Yeah, I mean, I think that's why you got to be careful about when you're at the youth level.

00:28:31.884 --> 00:28:41.740
Right, everybody's driving, you're driving, they're driving their kids they have hard, fast rules of you know you have to be there an hour before a game and then you show up five minutes before the game and you're late.

00:28:41.740 --> 00:28:43.227
Like, how do you discipline yourself?

00:28:43.227 --> 00:28:54.287
Like you know, it's just there's all kinds of you know there's all kind of pitfalls at the Utah-key level that everybody likes to look like they're coaching in the NHL.

00:28:54.287 --> 00:29:00.584
But you know there's a lot of other aspects and you know, listen, I was at a college hockey game just a couple of weeks ago.

00:29:00.584 --> 00:29:00.824
I think.

00:29:00.824 --> 00:29:03.567
The bus was late and they had to move the game an hour.

00:29:03.567 --> 00:29:06.461
College hockey game division, one college hockey game, you know.

00:29:06.461 --> 00:29:08.983
So they just had to wait and say listen, things happen.

00:29:08.983 --> 00:29:13.755
You know accidents happen and things break down and you know travel's not the same.

00:29:13.755 --> 00:29:17.083
Something you know this is, you know not, these guys aren't making millions of dollars.

00:29:17.083 --> 00:29:18.844
Yeah, so I mean.

00:29:18.844 --> 00:29:22.122
But again, it comes down to you know, understanding.

00:29:22.122 --> 00:29:29.387
If you're a coach at the youth level and you're tasked to work with all these little six, seven-year-olds, you know, I don't know.

00:29:29.387 --> 00:29:30.082
I just went.

00:29:30.082 --> 00:29:41.046
When I hear like somebody having emotional difficulty coaching at an age number one, I feel terrible for them because they're just not maybe equipped to coach at that level or their expectation.

00:29:41.046 --> 00:29:49.250
They're just uneducated about what that level consists of and really and really what they should expect from that level.

00:29:49.250 --> 00:29:50.699
And I think that's where you know.

00:29:50.699 --> 00:29:59.172
I think that all governing bodies need to do a better job of teaching the psychology of coaches that work with adolescents.

00:29:59.172 --> 00:30:06.467
I agree with you, mate, and the adolescent piece changes, like an eight-year-old is so different than a 12-year-old.

00:30:06.759 --> 00:30:07.688
Yeah, we don't do enough.

00:30:07.688 --> 00:30:08.842
I'm not trying to.

00:30:08.842 --> 00:30:13.229
We don't do enough from an educational standpoint to prepare coaches for that.

00:30:13.229 --> 00:30:16.884
We do a great job of skill development, like explaining what drills you can do.

00:30:16.884 --> 00:30:24.326
We do a great job of like safe sport, like what you can't do, but we don't do a great job of teaching like here's how to deal with an eight-year-old.

00:30:24.519 --> 00:30:28.007
Yeah, it's funny because the drills are the least important thing that we need to know.

00:30:28.007 --> 00:30:33.730
They really are For a seven-year-old it's the least important thing you need to know.

00:30:33.750 --> 00:30:34.752
What am I paying for, mate?

00:30:34.752 --> 00:30:38.044
What am I paying for as a parent Right?

00:30:38.064 --> 00:30:40.605
you're paying for that coach to get out there and hopefully your kid plays next year.

00:30:40.980 --> 00:30:42.405
I would say sweaty heads, go to bed.

00:30:43.200 --> 00:30:45.046
All right, just being like.

00:30:45.046 --> 00:30:46.210
I love that engagement.

00:30:46.210 --> 00:30:48.548
I like the coach that, listen, I'm.

00:30:48.548 --> 00:30:57.286
You know, my kids have been with a lot of coaches that I don't agree with, like philosophically, like like or looking like oh my God, this guy, what's he doing out here?

00:30:57.286 --> 00:30:58.946
But you know what, they come off the ice and they love it.

00:30:58.946 --> 00:31:05.846
Like I don't know, the guy was so happy and he's really having fun and he's goofy and I'm like listen, that's great, you want to come back?

00:31:05.846 --> 00:31:06.489
Yeah, I love it.

00:31:06.489 --> 00:31:07.644
Okay, great, let's come back.

00:31:07.644 --> 00:31:09.364
I mean, you know, so I got to.

00:31:09.364 --> 00:31:10.547
You know you got to.

00:31:10.547 --> 00:31:13.465
You know I'm not, but again, I probably don't.

00:31:13.465 --> 00:31:19.807
I sit with other parents, you know, around the rink and they're all like, oh my God, they got to work on this.

00:31:19.807 --> 00:31:20.121
They're.

00:31:20.121 --> 00:31:20.422
How come?

00:31:20.422 --> 00:31:20.803
You know?

00:31:20.803 --> 00:31:23.285
You know, loser losers work on loser things.

00:31:23.285 --> 00:31:24.222
This is what I'm.

00:31:24.222 --> 00:31:26.189
Like there's seven, even 10.

00:31:26.189 --> 00:31:31.087
Like, okay, if your kid's not an elite athlete at 10, then maybe they're just having fun, they just want to have hockey.

00:31:31.087 --> 00:31:36.125
And if you're in that same group, like if you're sitting next to me, then your kid isn't elite.

00:31:36.125 --> 00:31:44.224
Or you know, if you're sitting in that group, that your kid's not the best player in the country right now, then they aren't the best player in the country and make sure they're having fun.

00:31:44.224 --> 00:31:46.344
They love the sport and I always, I always.

00:31:46.344 --> 00:31:52.923
I come from it from a from a grow the game loving hockey perspective, like you don't have to.

00:31:52.923 --> 00:32:03.505
Your ability to play at a high level has nothing to do with your love for the game and your ability to coach at a high level has nothing to do with your love for hockey.

00:32:03.505 --> 00:32:18.866
If you love hockey and you love working with kids and teaching them the sport, what that level looks like is irrelevant to me as a parent Like I don't need you to have played division one college hockey and aspire to be a pro coach.

00:32:18.866 --> 00:32:20.222
I need you to be.

00:32:20.222 --> 00:32:30.586
I need you to be invested in making sure that the hour you're on the ice with my kid is safe, fun and I'll throw the word developmental out there, but I think they just develop by having fun.

00:32:30.586 --> 00:32:34.067
If they're out and having fun and they're moving and they're touching bucks, they're getting, they're developing.

00:32:34.160 --> 00:32:42.444
Well, I'm going to say this again I think that the best skating instruction my son and daughter ever got was chasing each other in a public session without me on the ice.

00:32:42.444 --> 00:32:43.950
I'll maintain that.

00:32:44.361 --> 00:32:45.224
Tag tag is the best yeah.

00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:49.164
I'm watching them, like I'm watching that they're doing things that they don't even realize they're doing.

00:32:49.164 --> 00:32:53.125
They're skating backwards, skating forward, they're going down, they're going up, they're gritting on the ice.

00:32:53.125 --> 00:32:54.087
Which is balance.

00:32:54.087 --> 00:32:56.325
Kids self teach a lot.

00:32:56.325 --> 00:32:56.641
I'm not.

00:32:56.641 --> 00:32:57.726
I'm going to echo what you said.

00:32:57.726 --> 00:33:05.630
I'm not saying instruction is not important, but I mean, every statistic shows that instruction within a fun environment is more powerful than just instruction.

00:33:05.630 --> 00:33:11.162
Cause here's the thing and parents need to hear this too we can instruct your kids completely Like we can make.

00:33:11.162 --> 00:33:14.567
It no fun, full instruction, and you might think that, okay, well, they'll develop.

00:33:14.567 --> 00:33:16.866
They're just doing what we're telling them to do now.

00:33:16.866 --> 00:33:20.765
They're not learning anything, they're just doing whatever coach says, because that's what coach said to do.

00:33:20.765 --> 00:33:37.008
Just mimicking the skill, and that's not learning, the why behind the skill, like telling a kid if you can become a great skater, you can become a great shooter and a great passer and a great teammate the why behind becoming a great passer.

00:33:37.008 --> 00:33:45.442
I'm about to do a clinic here in a few weeks, a Playmakers clinic and I'm realizing, Mike, there's not too many Playmakers clinic out there and the whole clinic is going to be based on passing the puck.

00:33:45.442 --> 00:33:47.326
And you know where we're starting this clinic.

00:33:47.326 --> 00:33:48.721
It's not on passing, it's.

00:33:48.721 --> 00:33:51.569
Let me tell you why passing is important.

00:33:51.569 --> 00:33:59.407
Let me tell you how to catch a pass properly and why that matters when you're making a pass or taking a pass, or giving a pass or receiving a pass.

00:33:59.407 --> 00:34:01.445
You know I'm going to make it fun.

00:34:01.445 --> 00:34:02.586
I'm going to make passing fun.

00:34:02.586 --> 00:34:07.009
I always loved being a Playmaker, but I want to make the kids to feel that too, right?

00:34:07.009 --> 00:34:10.389
So, like you're saying, it has to be fun.

00:34:10.389 --> 00:34:14.487
My friends, if it's not fun for you as the coach, then not every practice is going to be perfect.

00:34:14.487 --> 00:34:17.746
It's not going to be fun for the kids If it's not fun for you, right?

00:34:17.746 --> 00:34:19.666
You know, mike, another one of my coaching evolution.

00:34:19.666 --> 00:34:23.724
And again, look, this is just me, there's no judgment on anyone really with what I'm about to say.

00:34:23.724 --> 00:34:31.804
But I remember when I started coaching I used to wear, you know, the track suits of some of the teams I've coached, mainly because it's what I had.

00:34:31.804 --> 00:34:40.628
I wasn't necessarily trying to show off or anything like that, but I kept doing this and I remember like one time I didn't have my track suit and I was like why don't you just wear a hoodie and like pants?

00:34:40.628 --> 00:34:43.489
Like why am I going out of my way to find this coaches?

00:34:43.489 --> 00:34:46.344
And now I just I kind of go out in my hoodie and, like you know, athletic pants.

00:34:46.344 --> 00:34:47.960
I'm like what do I care what I look?

00:34:47.960 --> 00:34:49.126
Nobody cares what I look like.

00:34:49.126 --> 00:34:55.605
Right Now again, anyone who wears a track suit nothing wrong with that, wear whatever makes you comfortable.

00:34:55.605 --> 00:35:03.719
But I'm saying is like this is me kind of shedding the layers, of like I don't need to look a certain way to coach these kids.

00:35:03.719 --> 00:35:04.704
I don't need to look like a coach.

00:35:04.704 --> 00:35:11.065
I think in my hoodie and my athletic pants it's like I'm almost on their level, right, and I want them to understand this.

00:35:11.065 --> 00:35:13.568
I want to have fun with you and the drills can be fun.

00:35:13.568 --> 00:35:17.306
If you listen and pay attention and you understand why we're doing them.

00:35:17.306 --> 00:35:19.005
We'll make these drills fun.

00:35:19.005 --> 00:35:21.527
The reiterate is every practice perfect?

00:35:21.527 --> 00:35:24.327
No, do kids need to be disciplined at times?

00:35:24.327 --> 00:35:26.847
A thousand percent right.

00:35:26.847 --> 00:35:29.664
Are there times you need to stop a practice because it's going so bad?

00:35:29.664 --> 00:35:41.586
Yes, but it all starts from a place of love, as Mike said, a place of fun and the understanding that life is emotionally draining, not just hockey, and you got to prepare yourself for that.

00:35:43.393 --> 00:35:43.554
Right.

00:35:43.554 --> 00:35:44.378
So a couple of things there.

00:35:44.378 --> 00:35:55.170
If your practice is not going well, I would almost give you a 90% chance that you probably didn't plan practice, oh, 100%.

00:35:55.210 --> 00:35:56.114
I'd say it's 100% chance.

00:35:57.130 --> 00:36:02.318
So if you're practicing going well, it's because you're probably winging it and you had no plan, you had no support and you really didn't.

00:36:02.318 --> 00:36:07.960
You're trying to do drills that you're incapable of doing because you didn't even know how many kids you were going to have or how many coats you were going to have or where your ice was going to be.

00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:09.195
So that's the number one thing.

00:36:09.195 --> 00:36:19.454
Number two is I think there needs to be the adage of kids don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

00:36:19.454 --> 00:36:21.331
That's that, joe.

00:36:21.331 --> 00:36:22.875
Is it Joe Eastman?

00:36:22.875 --> 00:36:24.938
Or who came up with that?

00:36:24.938 --> 00:36:25.840
The football guy, right?

00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:29.197
That's such a true statement.

00:36:29.197 --> 00:36:30.755
They don't care.

00:36:30.755 --> 00:36:40.679
I've watched coaches, I've watched veteran coaches sit there in a mic practice saying do you know that in 1987, I coach for all Americans?

00:36:40.679 --> 00:36:45.579
Do you know who I am when I and the kids are looking at me, I don't even know where I am right now.

00:36:45.769 --> 00:36:47.195
Like I don't even know what you're talking about?

00:36:47.550 --> 00:36:48.454
What's it all American?

00:36:48.454 --> 00:36:55.911
I just, I just like I don't care what you did, it doesn't matter who you know, it doesn't matter where you played, it matters.

00:36:55.911 --> 00:36:59.077
What are you doing for me, mr Mr Benelli?

00:36:59.077 --> 00:37:03.409
Hey, coach, so-and-so Like, what are you doing for me right now?

00:37:03.409 --> 00:37:05.217
Oh, what am I doing for you right now?

00:37:05.217 --> 00:37:17.559
I'm chasing around because you're smiling and having fun and laughing and giggling, and I think that you know, and if you have a, if you have a plan that's not working, then the plan needs to be just to have, go and have fun.

00:37:18.050 --> 00:37:20.940
Mike, I got a great metaphor for you to support your point right.

00:37:20.940 --> 00:37:31.197
So I've done mites on ice many times and when you do mites on ice in Philadelphia, bob the Hound Kelly, stanley Cup winner, champion, hall of Fame player for the Flyers always comes in the locker room.

00:37:31.197 --> 00:37:32.019
He's a gentleman.

00:37:32.019 --> 00:37:33.534
He always says hi to all the kids.

00:37:33.534 --> 00:37:40.396
You know none of the kids really know who he is and all the dads and moms are like that's Bob Kelly, it's the Hound from the you know 74 Flyers.

00:37:40.396 --> 00:37:49.724
And then Gritty will come by and the kids you know they respond to Gritty for obvious reasons.

00:37:49.724 --> 00:37:53.840
Now, those of you listening, think about your reaction to this.

00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:56.197
Of course they love Gritty.

00:37:56.197 --> 00:38:02.021
Gritty's fun and crazy and plays hockey and Gritty's going to go on the ice for them, for the mites on ice.

00:38:02.021 --> 00:38:04.697
This has nothing to do with Bob Kelly, right?

00:38:04.697 --> 00:38:07.318
But they don't care who he is.

00:38:07.318 --> 00:38:11.378
They don't care that I told them who he is because Gritty's here.

00:38:11.378 --> 00:38:14.518
So I guess what I'm trying to say, mike, is we should all be Gritty.

00:38:14.518 --> 00:38:15.934
No, a lot of people don't want to do that.

00:38:15.934 --> 00:38:17.052
What?

00:38:17.492 --> 00:38:18.476
I'm saying is that that's just.

00:38:18.476 --> 00:38:20.061
It's just a character that kids like.

00:38:20.061 --> 00:38:25.172
Like I do a lot of lacrosse clinics and hockey clinics that when we went out and purchased, you know we do.

00:38:25.172 --> 00:38:26.958
We do Marvel days, right.

00:38:26.958 --> 00:38:31.032
So everyone, every now and then the kids pop out and get all my junior guys show up in their Marvel.

00:38:31.032 --> 00:38:40.655
You know Captain America and the Hulk and Batman, superman I don't know if there's all technically Marvel but whatever they are absolutely not technically all Marvel.

00:38:40.655 --> 00:38:43.693
Okay, so I call it Marvel days, so I probably get a lot of critiques.

00:38:43.693 --> 00:38:46.338
You say comic book day, yeah, comic book day.

00:38:46.338 --> 00:38:47.983
I probably get like that's not Marvel.

00:38:47.983 --> 00:38:49.365
How can he blast with me?

00:38:49.365 --> 00:38:49.987
Half of them were.

00:38:49.987 --> 00:38:50.268
How can he?

00:38:50.288 --> 00:38:52.896
say that, yeah, I know, this is a whole segment of the audience.

00:38:53.530 --> 00:38:57.259
It's when the Hulk is with Batman, like maybe it's not the same.

00:38:57.358 --> 00:38:58.300
That would never happen.

00:38:58.340 --> 00:39:04.221
Yeah, but they're on the same ice together and and they're and the kids literally could care.

00:39:04.221 --> 00:39:13.199
I could have so in lacrosse, right, we had two all American lacrosse guys out there working with our kids one time doing some face offs and stick handling or, you know, cradling and things like that.

00:39:13.199 --> 00:39:18.764
And then from behind the trees, the, the superheroes came out.

00:39:18.764 --> 00:39:20.570
They could care less.

00:39:20.570 --> 00:39:21.132
They didn't.

00:39:21.132 --> 00:39:28.519
First of all, they didn't even care before Gone that they were there and these kids could have showed them anything and they would, and they would have engaged and done it.

00:39:28.519 --> 00:39:33.114
Whether it's wrong or right, it didn't matter Right, for an hour I couldn't get kids to leave.

00:39:33.114 --> 00:39:42.719
And I had like we were paying these other guys like a lot of money to be there instructing all these nine year olds and they're like whatever man you know, I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:43.922
It's fun Kids know fun.

00:39:43.922 --> 00:39:46.376
And I do it in hockey all the time.

00:39:46.376 --> 00:39:48.313
Now it's not every day, like just everyone said.

00:39:48.313 --> 00:40:14.440
Well, boom, the you know Superman shows up on the ice and all of a sudden, chasing Superman around becomes so much more energized and energetic and you know, then we go back to, you know the subject matter here, right, and that's what what the emotional, you know content of my you know how I feel and practice, and like emotionally, like that would have a long time ago give me a lot of anxiety, cause I would have like, oh my God, we have like a half hour.

00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:21.994
Like I, these kids are all running around like crazy people and I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get them to learn how to break out of the zone.

00:40:22.356 --> 00:40:22.536
Right.

00:40:23.951 --> 00:40:27.541
And they're like well, you know you're talking about coach, like I don't care about breaking out of zone.

00:40:27.541 --> 00:40:29.797
I care about, but you know how I'm going to break out of zone.

00:40:29.797 --> 00:40:46.454
I'm going to chase Superman out of this and I think it's just and when, when I see and I guess my the the short answer to the caller or you know anybody chiming in on the emotional investment of a coach is don't be, you, don't need to be.

00:40:46.454 --> 00:40:49.342
There is no emotional attachment, there isn't.

00:40:49.342 --> 00:40:50.391
It's.

00:40:50.391 --> 00:41:02.242
It's like, if you're having anxiety about coaching children, then you, you're the problem, not the kids, not the circumstances, not the league you're in, not the level you're coaching.

00:41:02.242 --> 00:41:12.333
It's the, it's the fact that you're taking this way too seriously and you're you know I'd be more worried about.

00:41:12.333 --> 00:41:15.322
Wow, are my kids like, are those kids eating right?

00:41:15.322 --> 00:41:16.393
And like?

00:41:16.393 --> 00:41:17.820
I'm more invested in.

00:41:17.820 --> 00:41:22.197
Like am I going to send that kid home with his dad who's been up at the bar for the whole two hours of practice?

00:41:22.197 --> 00:41:22.411
Like?

00:41:22.411 --> 00:41:23.969
That's where I get emotional.

00:41:23.969 --> 00:41:34.460
Like I'm, like I'm, I'm more like, oh geez, like like I just want to make sure the kids had fun and had a ball and not think about whether or not I taught them the one, two, two for the last hour.

00:41:34.730 --> 00:41:40.652
Well, and I want to reiterate too that again we're kind of alluding this to the younger levels this is absolutely true.

00:41:40.652 --> 00:41:41.737
At the higher levels too, mike.

00:41:41.737 --> 00:41:45.885
I mean, again, there's a little more expectation on the outcome practice.

00:41:45.885 --> 00:41:51.320
But even if you're working tactics, it's not always the most fun thing in the world, but the practices.

00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:56.521
A team having fun at 18 years old is a team that's winning Right.

00:41:56.521 --> 00:41:58.275
And again, look, look.

00:41:58.275 --> 00:42:02.461
I always said this too, because I always inevitably get a parent coming up to me and say, hey, look, I listened to the show.

00:42:02.461 --> 00:42:04.411
You know, I know it's got to be fun.

00:42:04.411 --> 00:42:05.797
But what about being competitive?

00:42:05.797 --> 00:42:10.217
Well, I agree with you, being competitive can be fun, but you got to teach them how to compete.

00:42:10.217 --> 00:42:16.561
We had a whole episode about that too, right, like, like, competitiveness can be taught and it can be fun.

00:42:16.561 --> 00:42:17.512
You know how to teach competitiveness.

00:42:17.512 --> 00:42:19.940
Small area games, right.

00:42:20.652 --> 00:42:21.536
You want to contact me?

00:42:21.536 --> 00:42:25.177
Right now I run a learn the play program for the New York Rangers.

00:42:26.851 --> 00:42:27.673
And is that a good team?

00:42:27.673 --> 00:42:28.436
The New York Rangers.

00:42:28.849 --> 00:42:31.817
Are they the learn a little little Rangers but I follow the New York Rangers.

00:42:31.896 --> 00:42:34.342
I do follow the New York Rangers Like I should know who they are.

00:42:34.791 --> 00:42:36.356
I had to introduce a Ranger the other day.

00:42:36.356 --> 00:42:44.137
That's a whole other podcast, but I didn't know the person's name and I'm like, and now a member of the New York Rangers is here, like, look at me like you don't know, mike, you don't know.

00:42:44.137 --> 00:42:44.739
You know who I am?

00:42:44.739 --> 00:42:48.420
I'm like, listen, I'm doing with eight year olds every day.

00:42:48.420 --> 00:42:54.418
I said I have no time to watch NHL, so so the, so the.

00:42:54.418 --> 00:43:09.550
The premise here, right, is that we run a high performance training environment sixth station high performance training environment with kids that have no business being in a high performance training environment because they're not high performance players.

00:43:09.550 --> 00:43:13.954
But we run it the same as I would with you.

00:43:13.954 --> 00:43:29.530
If you have the best 12 you team in the country right now, I will share this practice plan with you and your kids will learn more, have more fun, be more engaged and it will benefit them at a high performance level.

00:43:29.530 --> 00:43:30.672
It's just.

00:43:30.672 --> 00:43:32.536
It's just what you insert into that.

00:43:32.536 --> 00:43:37.086
The sixth stations are all fun, they're all battle drills, they're all competitive.

00:43:37.086 --> 00:43:38.268
There's a winner and a loser.

00:43:38.268 --> 00:43:39.411
You can do it, it doesn't.

00:43:39.411 --> 00:43:40.012
You know.

00:43:40.012 --> 00:43:40.652
To your.

00:43:40.652 --> 00:43:42.333
You know your point is exactly.

00:43:42.333 --> 00:43:58.572
The point I try to make all the time is that my ability not to be crazily emotionally involved in wins and losses and over the top about what kids are learning has nothing to do with the competitive nature of where I want the kids to be Right.

00:43:58.572 --> 00:44:03.579
Two kids that can hardly even skate can compete against each other and they can win and they can lose.

00:44:03.579 --> 00:44:04.882
Like I can.

00:44:04.882 --> 00:44:11.472
We can teach that there's a, that there is meaning between losing a battle Like there's a, there's a.

00:44:11.472 --> 00:44:14.235
But I want to teach you to want to win that back Right.

00:44:14.235 --> 00:44:16.157
There's a way to teach that and.

00:44:16.157 --> 00:44:25.530
I think you can do it without you know, beating the health out of yourself emotionally, that you're not teaching that because inherently, kids want to compete.

00:44:25.530 --> 00:44:28.394
You put kids listen you see it all the time right.

00:44:28.394 --> 00:44:30.498
I mean, you put kids in two different environments.

00:44:30.498 --> 00:44:42.063
You put a kid in an environment where they could win a prize and they try harder, Right, and the ones that don't and I say this in sport a lot the kids that don't try harder won't and they won't.

00:44:42.063 --> 00:44:43.525
They just won't be that kid.

00:44:43.525 --> 00:44:45.688
They're not going to be the kid that's going to be your Stanley.

00:44:45.708 --> 00:44:46.530
Cup winner, and that's okay.

00:44:48.773 --> 00:44:50.757
We can only aspire to who we're going to be.

00:44:50.757 --> 00:44:54.003
Yeah, I can't make you be a competitive kid if you're not.

00:44:55.371 --> 00:44:57.076
Yeah, Wayne Gretzky said that too, you know.

00:44:57.076 --> 00:44:59.262
A woman came up to him and said you know, can you tell me what he?

00:44:59.262 --> 00:45:02.530
did and he said no, I can't either one, two or you don't.

00:45:02.530 --> 00:45:07.259
And look, here's the other thing, with some of the anxiety or the emotional draining.

00:45:07.259 --> 00:45:12.329
If that's not your kid yet, that's okay, it's okay I don't know how else to say it.

00:45:12.329 --> 00:45:12.550
It's okay.

00:45:12.550 --> 00:45:14.818
Right, the kid will learn to do that.

00:45:14.818 --> 00:45:16.804
When they learn to do that, you can inspire them.

00:45:16.804 --> 00:45:18.550
The best way to do it is to show it through action.

00:45:18.550 --> 00:45:24.362
But if you're nine year old isn't super competitive yet you got to be, you got to meet them where they're at.

00:45:24.561 --> 00:45:26.164
You can't, they may never be yeah, and.

00:45:26.224 --> 00:45:28.550
I'm saying that's okay, that's okay, it's not for everybody.

00:45:30.673 --> 00:45:31.074
But it is.

00:45:31.074 --> 00:45:31.675
That is a.

00:45:31.675 --> 00:45:33.117
That is anxiety for broken it is.

00:45:33.117 --> 00:45:34.039
It is emotionally.

00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:43.619
If you're a like, if you come from that loin of of of being an ultra competitor, sure, but that's hard to watch a child not be.

00:45:43.699 --> 00:45:47.550
Well, and Mike, that's what I'm saying Like my I'm going to say it my children, although they have a lot of anxiety, they're not going to be that kid.

00:45:47.550 --> 00:45:48.251
They're not going to be that kid.

00:45:48.251 --> 00:45:53.179
Although they have many aspects of me and my wife, they are not me and they're not my wife.

00:45:53.179 --> 00:45:56.684
Right, if they choose to go a different path, that's fine too.

00:45:56.684 --> 00:46:04.882
I think the acceptance of that and the understanding of that and making sure that you're not kind of kind of, you know, reflecting on them too much in that way.

00:46:04.882 --> 00:46:07.471
If I was competitive, no, they might not be.

00:46:07.471 --> 00:46:08.932
You know, it's funny, mike.

00:46:08.932 --> 00:46:11.396
Every time I feel like I take a step back from my kids.

00:46:11.396 --> 00:46:14.541
They, they, they advance in those ways that I've been wanting them to.

00:46:14.541 --> 00:46:17.485
Some days they need someone else to tell them Right, can't always be you.

00:46:18.952 --> 00:46:19.652
They find the path.

00:46:19.652 --> 00:46:22.177
I think you know that goes back to the original conversation about.

00:46:22.177 --> 00:46:35.967
You know the whole emotional investment in kids is as you forget what was the emotional investment your coach had of you when you were a kid and not many of us had the screamer and the yellow and the guy beating you up and beating you down at six.

00:46:35.967 --> 00:46:36.550
We just don't remember.

00:46:36.550 --> 00:46:44.530
Yeah, like somewhere somewhere we were inspired to continue to play Right, where we found the reason to go to the rank.

00:46:44.530 --> 00:46:48.896
Well, you had a love for it, right, yeah, but that wasn't from guys beating you up?

00:46:49.117 --> 00:46:50.639
No, that definitely not.

00:46:50.639 --> 00:46:58.615
I mean, there were times I remember when I got older I wanted to be pushed, but it wasn't a negative thing, it was, it was very positive, right?

00:46:58.615 --> 00:47:03.550
Or if I, if I didn't do something right, a great coach would know how to challenge me in a way that I would respond to.

00:47:03.550 --> 00:47:05.534
I'll be honest with you, the bad coaches didn't.

00:47:05.534 --> 00:47:08.402
They didn't know how to, how to speak to me, or other players for that matter.

00:47:08.402 --> 00:47:10.677
Look, let's just end the show on this.

00:47:10.677 --> 00:47:16.257
If you feel like you're emotionally drained which is probably a lot, a lot of people listening Right, I'm emotionally drained right now.

00:47:16.257 --> 00:47:17.911
That's why we do the show.

00:47:17.911 --> 00:47:25.065
Look, the first thing you got to do is, you know, first step of any solving any problem is admitting there is a problem.

00:47:25.065 --> 00:47:28.050
Right is say to yourself okay, I am emotionally drained, I am.

00:47:28.050 --> 00:47:29.675
I get a lot of anxiety from practice.

00:47:29.675 --> 00:47:30.498
I get in a.

00:47:30.498 --> 00:47:32.242
You know, I don't want to be there or whatever.

00:47:32.242 --> 00:47:34.530
I have negative feelings towards hockey and coaching.

00:47:34.530 --> 00:47:37.701
I acknowledge those feelings, all right, that's the first step.

00:47:37.701 --> 00:47:40.530
Don't live in it, because you're just going to keep getting worse or drowning.

00:47:40.530 --> 00:47:48.449
Once you've acknowledged those feelings, do an audit of yourself first, not the kids or the parents or the situation.

00:47:48.449 --> 00:47:53.802
Okay, what do you need to change as a coach to change our practices being run?

00:47:53.802 --> 00:47:56.106
It might take one snap of the fingers practice.

00:47:56.106 --> 00:48:02.099
It might take five practices, it might take a whole season, but what do you need to change about the way you're approaching practice?

00:48:02.099 --> 00:48:03.382
Is a preparedness?

00:48:03.382 --> 00:48:04.505
Is it the drills?

00:48:04.505 --> 00:48:06.530
Is it the way your face looks on the ice?

00:48:06.530 --> 00:48:08.574
Is it how you're speaking to the kids?

00:48:08.574 --> 00:48:09.956
Do an audit of that.

00:48:09.956 --> 00:48:11.880
Okay, probably not doing everything wrong.

00:48:11.880 --> 00:48:13.021
Might not be doing anything wrong.

00:48:13.021 --> 00:48:14.204
Just do an audit of that.

00:48:14.204 --> 00:48:16.452
Then three is the implementation.

00:48:16.452 --> 00:48:19.838
Come to practice with a new, a new, a new emotional state.

00:48:19.838 --> 00:48:22.041
I hate saying this, but I'm going to say it.

00:48:22.041 --> 00:48:25.632
You know, relax, just relax, all right.

00:48:25.632 --> 00:48:30.385
Again, if you're coaching you talky, relax All right.

00:48:30.385 --> 00:48:32.550
It is never as intense as you'd like it to be.

00:48:32.550 --> 00:48:35.295
Don't worry about what.

00:48:35.295 --> 00:48:37.039
Are the parents going to think of my drills?

00:48:37.039 --> 00:48:40.244
You need to be worried about what you think of your drills.

00:48:40.244 --> 00:48:42.550
You need to be able to leave the practice.

00:48:42.550 --> 00:48:44.253
I'm like this is my, this is my bar.

00:48:44.253 --> 00:48:50.878
I want to leave the practice knowing, hey, I did a great job for those kids today, and if a parent comes up to me and says why didn't you work on this?

00:48:50.878 --> 00:48:57.639
Sure, let I mean hopefully it's 24 hours later but we can have that discussion but I want to leave knowing I did a great job today.

00:48:57.639 --> 00:49:01.550
I don't ever want to leave thinking I hope I made the parents happy today with the drills, that we did.

00:49:01.550 --> 00:49:04.556
No offense parents, all right, that's, that's I.

00:49:04.556 --> 00:49:16.070
If I'm selected for the coaching role, it's my job to do that, and I also equally want the kids to leave thinking man, I had such fun at practice today, like they're on the same level to me, probably kids a little higher, all right.

00:49:16.070 --> 00:49:20.818
But I'm going to say it again just relax, you're doing great, you're doing a great job.

00:49:20.818 --> 00:49:28.534
All right, I'm telling you right now, any coach listening to this I really mean this If you're volunteering your time, thank you, I appreciate you.

00:49:28.534 --> 00:49:31.920
I really really do Referees the same thing.

00:49:31.920 --> 00:49:35.224
Most of you right, relax, you're doing good.

00:49:35.224 --> 00:49:37.172
Just take it a day at a time.

00:49:37.172 --> 00:49:40.157
Make the rink a place that you want to be.

00:49:40.157 --> 00:49:41.681
Make the rink a place to be happy.

00:49:41.681 --> 00:49:46.530
I don't care if your kids can't skate or you have a AAA might team which shouldn't exist.

00:49:46.530 --> 00:49:49.153
All right, I don't care where you are on that scale.

00:49:49.153 --> 00:49:50.677
Thank you for coaching.

00:49:50.677 --> 00:49:52.300
You're doing a great job.

00:49:52.300 --> 00:49:58.469
Parents parents, for the most part, not every coach deserves to hear that.

00:49:58.469 --> 00:50:06.003
All right, when's the last time you told your coach I really appreciate you teaching the kids, even if it's in text form, some of you do.

00:50:06.003 --> 00:50:06.824
I get that all the time.

00:50:06.824 --> 00:50:09.068
I get great parents that let us know.

00:50:09.068 --> 00:50:09.550
Thank you, coaches.

00:50:09.550 --> 00:50:15.800
It goes so much farther than you think for the man or woman coming there to teach your kids.

00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:18.302
All right, and look if you think they're doing a horrible job.

00:50:18.302 --> 00:50:19.385
You don't have to do that.

00:50:19.385 --> 00:50:23.052
Okay, but just think about it.

00:50:23.052 --> 00:50:25.695
Relax.

00:50:25.695 --> 00:50:31.719
There is no game or tournament under 15 years old.

00:50:31.719 --> 00:50:34.784
I can make an argument for above it too.

00:50:34.784 --> 00:50:37.110
That is going to make or break your kids.

00:50:37.110 --> 00:50:39.822
Quote-unquote career there's not one.

00:50:39.822 --> 00:50:42.911
I don't care if it is a showcase in front of NHL coaches.

00:50:42.911 --> 00:50:46.193
It won't matter if the kid does not love the game.

00:50:46.193 --> 00:50:50.608
It isn't enjoying the game and Finds a love for the game, it won't matter.

00:50:50.608 --> 00:50:53.545
Relax, I appreciate you.

00:50:53.545 --> 00:50:55.048
You should too, mike.

00:50:55.048 --> 00:50:56.532
I'll give you the last word before I close it out.

00:50:58.201 --> 00:50:58.822
Listen, I'm just.

00:50:58.822 --> 00:51:01.250
These coaches are putting their time in.

00:51:01.250 --> 00:51:06.748
If you're, if you're, if you think the coach stinks, they don't know what they're doing, the wait the end of the year and leave the coach.

00:51:06.748 --> 00:51:11.431
You signed up, yeah, you, if you followed the podcast for the last three years, you did your research.

00:51:11.431 --> 00:51:15.909
You found out what team you're going on, you found out who the coach was, found out what that coach is like.

00:51:15.909 --> 00:51:22.112
I guarantee you, 98.99% of the coaches that are doing this aren't doing it to hurt your kid.

00:51:22.112 --> 00:51:24.728
They're not doing it because they don't like doing it.

00:51:24.728 --> 00:51:25.623
They don't.

00:51:25.623 --> 00:51:29.139
They're not doing it because they think that they're gonna.

00:51:29.139 --> 00:51:30.483
You know they're gonna, they're gonna.

00:51:30.483 --> 00:51:34.380
They want to get a letter from you at the end of the year saying what a horrible person you are.

00:51:34.380 --> 00:51:35.344
They're not doing that.

00:51:35.344 --> 00:51:35.724
They're not.

00:51:35.724 --> 00:51:36.266
They're not sound.

00:51:36.266 --> 00:51:36.949
How they go into it?

00:51:36.949 --> 00:51:37.871
Are they a good coach?

00:51:37.871 --> 00:51:39.682
They're, who cares?

00:51:39.682 --> 00:51:42.389
They are what they are, they, they, they're.

00:51:42.389 --> 00:51:50.391
They're giving their time to come to your practice and your games 26 weeks of the year, giving up their life to come do this.

00:51:50.391 --> 00:51:53.086
You know, you know, appreciate.

00:51:53.086 --> 00:51:54.291
It is an understatement.

00:51:54.291 --> 00:52:03.811
You need to just accept the fact that this is the coach you're with and then teach your kids and the other parents that are in the stands with you how to deal with that and then you change it.

00:52:03.811 --> 00:52:05.083
I I don't.

00:52:05.083 --> 00:52:11.724
I think in all I Rarely have seen a coach get dismissed Midway through a season.

00:52:11.724 --> 00:52:20.396
I mean, it's happened every now and then, but for winning and losing, no, no, I Mean, come on, this is not the NHL, it's not call.

00:52:20.396 --> 00:52:21.039
Even in college.

00:52:21.039 --> 00:52:25.112
You don't see it like they just stick it out somehow, like they like okay, we got to make it work.

00:52:25.112 --> 00:52:31.005
You know, let's just keep making it work and let's just as a teaching you know I need anybody I advise or talk to.

00:52:31.005 --> 00:52:32.751
I'm like listen, let's use this as a teaching tool.

00:52:32.751 --> 00:52:35.927
What can you supplement outside of what you don't think you're getting?

00:52:35.927 --> 00:52:39.304
And then you can, and then in March you really evaluate what you've done.

00:52:39.304 --> 00:52:46.949
But in overall, the, the, the anxiety here is mostly, you know, I think, what we're talking about a coach having anxiety.

00:52:46.949 --> 00:52:55.327
Sit back, have fun, appreciate the parents that appreciate you, wipe out the parents that don't, because I guarantee it's not.

00:52:55.327 --> 00:52:59.123
Like you know, everybody says I go, who's everybody, who's everybody?

00:52:59.224 --> 00:53:03.981
Tell me exactly who, everybody, everyone says, mike, your defense, coaching is bad, right.

00:53:04.222 --> 00:53:04.864
Who's everybody?

00:53:04.864 --> 00:53:10.322
Well, the other two, the other two guys, I, I, I have, I go to the country club with, okay, good, those two guys.

00:53:10.322 --> 00:53:11.106
Who anybody else?

00:53:11.106 --> 00:53:14.112
Well, I heard that some, none.

00:53:14.112 --> 00:53:15.340
Who who is specifically?

00:53:15.340 --> 00:53:19.652
They can't come up with the answer there is no sounds like the news media.

00:53:19.652 --> 00:53:21.157
There's no everybody there's.

00:53:21.157 --> 00:53:22.302
Yeah, there's no everybody.

00:53:22.302 --> 00:53:24.166
Tell me specifically who's upset with me?

00:53:24.166 --> 00:53:25.170
Nobody.

00:53:25.170 --> 00:53:26.393
Okay, let's move on.

00:53:26.393 --> 00:53:27.623
Let's move on from there.

00:53:27.623 --> 00:53:29.047
So I think I need the end of day.

00:53:29.047 --> 00:53:29.186
It's.

00:53:29.186 --> 00:53:30.690
It's never as bad as you probably think it is.

00:53:30.690 --> 00:53:34.420
It's probably better than you think it is, because most people don't go out of their way to tell you how great it is.

00:53:34.420 --> 00:53:35.965
They just accept that it's great.

00:53:35.965 --> 00:53:37.862
And you know I got.

00:53:37.862 --> 00:53:39.003
You know my kids hate.

00:53:39.003 --> 00:53:39.626
You know I'm like.

00:53:39.626 --> 00:53:40.688
I'm like every single practice.

00:53:40.688 --> 00:53:58.088
I'm like turn around go say Thank you oh yeah, I forgot like like and I've seen it's funny, like at the midget level, now at 16 you level, I can't remember a time that I've been out getting off the ice where every player hasn't come and fist bump me after practice, like it doesn't happen anymore, like these kids.

00:53:58.088 --> 00:54:06.442
Just they know, like, okay, I now and now I'm at the age where I'm going to appreciate this like I'm getting this great Opportunity.

00:54:06.442 --> 00:54:09.956
I'm gonna go show that coach that I appreciate that opportunity.

00:54:09.956 --> 00:54:14.172
Yeah, right, so that's kind of the pendulum of knowing like.

00:54:14.172 --> 00:54:19.438
And then and you know, the funny thing is like for me, I noticed the kids that don't do it, that don't care, they don't even care about being out there.

00:54:19.438 --> 00:54:23.077
I'm like, okay, well, that kid's not getting the, he ain't getting a recommendation from me.

00:54:23.077 --> 00:54:24.786
I mean, I like him, I think he's a great person.

00:54:24.786 --> 00:54:30.599
I'm like, yeah, you know anything for me, like he doesn't do anything that I would go out of my way to help that player.

00:54:30.599 --> 00:54:31.965
They go, my god, I got to help you.

00:54:31.965 --> 00:54:32.606
But you know what?

00:54:32.606 --> 00:54:38.385
The kid that fist bumps me, that picks up pox, that says thank you, you know, not even gifts.

00:54:38.385 --> 00:54:47.920
The gift is the appreciation, the gift is wow, thanks for being out here tonight at 11 30 at night coaching my kid and me like that's the gift.

00:54:48.443 --> 00:54:51.619
So I'll say this to Mike it's a trained behavior in the sense of this.

00:54:51.619 --> 00:54:55.860
He goes beyond hockey, like if someone gave you the best hamburger you've ever had in your life.

00:54:55.860 --> 00:54:59.119
You might say this is the best burger I've ever had in my life.

00:54:59.119 --> 00:55:06.980
But would you tell the chef, would you go out of your way to find that chef at the restaurant, say, listen, I just want you to know this is the best hamburger I've ever had in my life.

00:55:06.980 --> 00:55:09.306
I, I want to be the person that would do that.

00:55:09.847 --> 00:55:11.472
I start doing that now I go get my haircut.

00:55:11.472 --> 00:55:13.271
I'm like I got to tell this guy how great it was.

00:55:13.271 --> 00:55:14.739
I mean, I mean I put my hat on again.

00:55:14.739 --> 00:55:16.324
But I think it's like.

00:55:16.324 --> 00:55:18.489
I'm like nobody tells anybody anything good.

00:55:19.110 --> 00:55:22.632
It's always how bad it is there's a lot of good out there.

00:55:22.632 --> 00:55:35.072
I'm gonna say this, and this is an exercise I've had people do if you count the micro moments of positivity and negativity day again, positivity would be like someone holding the door for you saying Thank you, and negative like someone cut you off in traffic.

00:55:35.072 --> 00:55:39.670
Most days not all days most days the positives outweigh the negatives.

00:55:39.670 --> 00:55:47.538
We just not trained to look for that and I I made a decision years ago, mike I want to be a person that that brings positivity into people's lives.

00:55:47.538 --> 00:55:48.996
Right, I will tell people thank you.

00:55:48.996 --> 00:55:51.451
If I had a great meal, I tell the waiter I try and find it.

00:55:51.451 --> 00:55:52.699
Hey, it was really great.

00:55:52.699 --> 00:55:54.588
Now, I haven't had a hair cut in years, mike.

00:55:54.588 --> 00:55:56.699
I'm bald, but I can appreciate a good hair.

00:55:56.699 --> 00:55:59.869
I know so many, many years that I did get haircut.

00:55:59.869 --> 00:56:05.110
No, my point is this if you see something you like, tell the person if you can.

00:56:05.110 --> 00:56:08.068
You might make their year, and we don't.

00:56:08.068 --> 00:56:09.500
You're right, mike, we don't do it enough.

00:56:09.800 --> 00:56:13.155
So I actually feel uncomfortable in parents, like that was the best practice I've ever been at.

00:56:13.155 --> 00:56:19.923
I'm like really, I mean you must have been at some really bad practice, but I think you know, but I love, I mean I do it.

00:56:19.923 --> 00:56:26.907
I'm almost like it's so far and but it shouldn't be, shouldn't be, no, but what and look, I'll close the episode helps my.

00:56:26.907 --> 00:56:28.431
It helps my practice anxiety for sure.

00:56:29.722 --> 00:56:30.684
You're emotional investment.

00:56:30.684 --> 00:56:37.012
I think that's what we wanted to change it to, that the show is more from emotional anxiety to emotionally draining, to emotional investment.

00:56:37.012 --> 00:56:40.431
But you know, I'm like I just realized this like while we're talking, just to close this out.

00:56:40.431 --> 00:56:54.284
You know, a lot of the advice that we share, a lot of the thoughts we have, is really almost me talking to a younger version of myself, right, like I feel like it's like okay, if I could sit down with myself 15 years ago, yeah, what would I say?

00:56:54.284 --> 00:57:01.148
You know, it's like I said really, hey, lee, relax, like I would have taught myself that and I really hope that and I watch, I don't hope.

00:57:01.148 --> 00:57:06.632
I know From your feedback everybody listening that you know we're helping people out there.

00:57:06.632 --> 00:57:08.206
That really is the purpose of the show.

00:57:08.206 --> 00:57:11.744
To close it out, want to thank all you once again.

00:57:11.744 --> 00:57:27.789
Not only does our audience grow daily, not only do we get great topics of discussion from you, but we have maintained a top 10 Podcast in hockey here for a bit, which we're up against some pretty large hockey Titans on the charts with that.

00:57:27.789 --> 00:57:34.871
So it's pretty amazing to me that you guys believe in us enough To keep listening, to keep going the show, to share the show.

00:57:34.871 --> 00:57:37.731
I get a lot of people, mike, saying, hey, share this with my whole organization.

00:57:37.731 --> 00:57:47.679
And I want to practice what we're preaching, mike, and Just say to all of you Thank you, thank you for believing in us and what we're doing and, more importantly, having these conversations.

00:57:47.679 --> 00:58:00.010
Mike and I are just two people and Christie here it's three, but there's there's hundreds, thousands of people that registered, play hockey and coach hockey, and You're having these conversations because, at the end of the day, you want to reduce some of this anxiety.

00:58:00.010 --> 00:58:05.248
Remember, you're probably not crazy, but you do exist in a crazy culture.

00:58:05.248 --> 00:58:08.574
That's why it feels crazy a ton, but you're not crazy.

00:58:08.574 --> 00:58:12.208
So I want to close it out with that, mike, unless you got anything else.

00:58:13.010 --> 00:58:13.351
I love it.

00:58:13.351 --> 00:58:15.865
No, I'm good, I'm good, I gotta do a practice plan right now.

00:58:15.865 --> 00:58:19.684
So I think, everybody for practice tonight I'm gonna steal that practice plan you offered before.

00:58:19.744 --> 00:58:22.559
I would like to see that, as we always shares things like that.

00:58:22.559 --> 00:58:27.902
But everybody, thank you so much for listening in this edition of our kids play hockey again, share this episode.

00:58:27.902 --> 00:58:33.353
Five star reviews are always appreciated on Spotify or Apple podcast or Google.

00:58:33.353 --> 00:58:39.661
Wherever you listen, and make sure, remember we have a huge library now, a podcast that you can look at and share on our kids play hockey, com.

00:58:39.661 --> 00:58:45.664
But, above all, remember to enjoy the game, remember to relax, remember to be emotionally invested.

00:58:45.664 --> 00:58:50.139
You can check out all of that in the 200 episodes that we've done here at our kids play hockey.

00:58:50.139 --> 00:58:51.043
Have a great day.

00:58:51.043 --> 00:58:54.559
We hope you enjoyed this edition of our kids play hockey.

00:58:54.559 --> 00:58:58.230
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00:58:58.230 --> 00:59:04.447
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00:59:04.447 --> 00:59:09.623
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00:59:09.623 --> 00:59:13.820
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00:59:13.820 --> 00:59:14.985
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00:59:14.985 --> 00:59:19.385
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00:59:19.385 --> 00:59:20.226
You.