The Ride To The Rink - Embracing Discomfort with Blake Bolden - Lessons from a Multifaceted Hockey Pro.

Lee MJ Elias [0:00 - 0:35]: skaters and goalies around the world. And welcome back to another edition of the Ride to the Rink. It's Lee and Haley here today, and we have a very special guest. Blake Bolden is joining us. I don't know exactly how to describe her to you. She was a player. She's an ambassador. She's a scout. She does hockey overseas, played Division 1 college. She's one of the coolest people I've ever had the opportunity to speak to. And Haley and I have been talking to her. Our main episode this week. And, Haley, why don't you take it away, because we got a great topic for the kids today. 

Hayley Scamurra [0:35 - 0:49]: Yeah. So, Blake, you talked a lot about getting out of your comfort zone in terms on ice, off the ice, and your different endeavors that you do. Just talk about how that's important for kids in the hockey world and in just life, just working on getting out of their comfort zone. 

Blake Bolden [0:49 - 2:06]: Yeah, I talk about it a lot because if I didn't get out of my comfort zone, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I wouldn't have learned the lessons and the hard way and the easy way. I think that when you do things that kind of give you a little hairy, prickly feeling in the back of your neck or give you goosebumps, almost like riding a roller coaster and going down that, you know, whatever, however, feet, long, drop that is, when it's over, you feel elated, you feel proud, you feel like you've accomplished something. And to me, whether that's in scouting and being the second woman to ever scout in the NHL, whether that's being the first black woman to play professional women's hockey, whether that's broadcasting and feeling like there's thousands of eyes on you, judging you, when I'm done and the lights are off and I go to my bedroom and I wash my face and go to sleep, I can look at my face in the mirror and say, blake, you just had. You had a day. You learned a lot. Maybe you fell down, but you got back up. And I think that's a beautiful thing about the sport of ice hockey is you can fall down a million times, but if you get up every one of those times, you're going to be that much better. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:07 - 3:11]: You know, that's one of the things I love about the game of hockey, Blake, that it's a vehicle for our growth. And we always talk, especially to you kids, about how the whole game really is based on capitalizing on someone else's mistake. So you better be okay making mistakes, because it's part of the game, and it's how we learn, you know? Like, what I want to ask you now is this. So, you know the flight or fight response. Right. So. So, kids, what I mean by that is this is something that all humans deal with. It's a. It's part of our nature. Right. Flight or fight, which is when you're faced with a situation maybe you don't like, you will either fight through it or you'll. You'll run away. Okay? It's. It's a very normal, human thing. So, Blake, for the kid who understands what you're saying. Right. That. That I want to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. And they get to that moment, and flight or fight gets in the head. The mind, the internal dialogue is talking. What do you do to conquer maybe the doubting or negative voice and let the sage that, you know, the positive voice or the pushing voice get through? 

Blake Bolden [3:12 - 4:51]: That's a really good question. I call those negative voices obsessor thoughts. The voices that are trying to tell you that you're not good enough. Those, to me, are a protection mechanism because of your fear. And I always like to say the opposite of fear is love. And what I love is the game. And if you can just make it as simple as that, go towards love. Who do I love? I love myself. Who do I love? I love my family. I don't want to disappoint myself. My family's put a lot of effort into this. I'm going to push myself as hard as I possibly can, because everything that I do, while it's. Yes. Has to do with me, is a lot bigger than me. It means so much more. I can make so much more impact, and I learned that at a young age, and that's why I try to carry myself with that. You are bigger than who you think you are, and you love the game. Obviously, you wouldn't be playing it. You. So just those obsessor thoughts that want to get in your brain, sometimes it happens, and sometimes you actually have to ride that wave. Like when he is playing on the national team and, you know, maybe she's on the third line and she wants to be on the power play or whatever that is. I've been in the same position where I'm a defenseman and I'm a bubble player trying to make the national team and I'm holding my stick a little bit too tight or I'm afraid to make a mistake or I have a bad shift or I get walked around, walked by Mary Philippe, Poland or Whoever. And I'm on the bench with my head down. It's like, pick your head up, take a deep breath, and go towards love. And at the opposite of fear, you'll. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:51 - 5:13]: Find that I never heard it described like that. You know what's cool, what you just said. Haley just told us recently on episode, and Haley, you can tell the story again about how you. You encountered this. Right. And you found a way to push through it. You know, we. We didn't describe it as love, but. But, Blake, I think that's an unbelievably wonderful description. Like, but, Haley, you want to kind of dive into that for a second, too, because that was a really good. 

Hayley Scamurra [5:13 - 5:18]: Story in terms of, like, not making the national team and then making it later on. 

Lee MJ Elias [5:18 - 5:21]: Yeah. And you talked about, you know, you were gripping your stick too tight at one point. 

Blake Bolden [5:21 - 5:22]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Hayley Scamurra [5:22 - 6:12]: Yep. It was in college. And I remember I was just so frustrated because I just wasn't making national team camps, and then that was my only focus, and I wasn't being grateful and appreciative of where I was in that moment and loving the game because I loved the game as a child. And once I kind of realized that I had a sports psych who was like, just be present. Do the best you can for your team that you are on and be the best player you can. Be you, not someone else who you think if you play like them, you'll make the team. It's like, be you. And that. It just hit home for me, and it was a message that helped. And clearly, you know, I play with the buttes, and like I said, it was one of my favorite times playing hockey. And that's not a coincidence. That that's when I ended up getting noticed by USA Hockey is when I was having the most fun playing the most free and just playing with my friends. It was great. And so then I had the opportunity. 

Lee MJ Elias [6:12 - 7:15]: So it's tremendous. And you know, what you're both also talking about is, you know, along with the love, you're both talking about immense amounts of gratitude. Right. And I think that kids, for you listening, one of the exercises, and you'll notice we use the word exercise, right? Because this is something you have to continually practice. This is not something you just get one day, and you're just eternally positive. And like the fight or flight brain, or some people call it monkey brains. People give it a lot of different names. All right? You have to practice both sides of it to make sure you're getting out of it. But gratitude is a Great way to fight it. One of the things I suggest, kids, is if you have the negative thoughts in your head, start listing the things that you're thankful for. I'm thankful for my mom, my dad, my guardians, my grandparents, the equipment that I have that I got up to find something, my sibling. You'll be amazed if you start doing that, how quickly you come out of that. That cycle of negativity. Right. Do you guys practice this a different way? Is it kind of the same thing with gratitude? 

Blake Bolden [7:17 - 7:53]: For me, I like to wake up and think, you know, my family, my dog, my. But my jobs that I love so much. Like, I'm living a very abundant life and a life that I've chosen, and I'm really, really grateful for it. So I try to continue that. And just like you said, Lee, which is such a. Such a beautiful way to present that is once you continue to be grateful, more good things come. It's almost like a snowball effect. It's like you can't. Nothing can get in your way. When you're just, like, rolling down the hill, and you're like, yep, yep, yep. This is good. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:55 - 7:59]: You know? And that goes both directions, too. Like, when you're rolling down the negative hill. 

Blake Bolden [7:59 - 8:00]: Yes. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:00 - 8:23]: It brings bad things, too. And again, I always tell kids. You know, kids, sometimes you don't realize this, but that the negative feelings, the fear, the anger, despair. They don't tell you this when you're a kid, but it doesn't last forever. None of the feelings you feel last forever. It goes with the happy feelings, too. Okay? But when you're a kid, it feels like it's gonna last forever, and it doesn't. And you actually have control to get yourself out of that. Like. Like you're saying. 

Blake Bolden [8:24 - 8:26]: Good point. Good point. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:27 - 8:41]: This was. We could go for another hour of kids, but you got to get it in the rink. The show is called ride to the rink, not ride to the away game. Four hours away in another state. So, listen, I'm gonna close it out here. Blake, thank you so much for joining Haley and I. This has been really fun. 

Blake Bolden [8:41 - 8:48]: Yeah, I, I. It's a privilege to be here and to see you again, Hales. I would do anything for you girls. So I'll be back. 

Hayley Scamurra [8:49 - 8:54]: Love you, Blake. Thank you so much. Really appreciate you. And again, just keep crushing it out there. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:54 - 9:06]: Love seeing it, and it's my duty as a host to hold you to that, Blake, so we'll make that happen. All right, kids, listening. No matter where you're at in the game, no matter what you're doing today. Remember, we believe in you. You should too. Have fun. Skate hard and skate on. Take.