The Ride To The Rink: Handling Big Feelings From Frustration to Focus With PWHLer Gabbie Hughes

Lee MJ Elias [0:00 - 0:42]: Hockey skaters and goalies around the world. Welcome back to another edition of the Ride to the Rink Hockey Players. I got two PWHL stars with us today, but they're much more than that. They're also daughters, they're friends. They're good people. But today on our big episode, we were talking about big feelings and emotions. And kids, all of us, you, your parents, your teammates, we all experience big feelings, but maybe nobody really tells you how to utilize and understand those big feelings and what you can do in the moments when you're having those big feelings. So I have Haley and I have Gabby with me today. And Hayley, I know we talk about it all the time. Big feelings just come with the game, right? 

Hayley Scamurra [0:44 - 1:13]: Yeah, absolutely. The emotions are a part of the game. Things are happening. All of a sudden, you're down to nothing. It's like, what are we going to do? I think it's super important. You just kind of focus on taking a few deep breaths, maybe tapping a teammate, saying, like, okay, we've got this. Like, let's go. And just working with each other and being vulnerable with each other. Like, hey, maybe you are a little nervous, and you tell your teammate that they can be like, I've got you. I can support you in this. And I think those are super important things to do for sure. Gabby, what do you think? 

Gabbie Hughes [1:14 - 2:22]: I think something that I learned in college, a lot of my big feelings came from feeling like I wasn't playing well. It was all internal feeling. Gosh, I didn't make that good pass that I should have made. It wasn't on her tape. I would beat myself up about those little details, and then I would start to feel big feelings and get angry and start to kind of shut down. And something that I've learned is I just get up and I watch my teammates succeed. I think that's a big thing to go with. Take those couple deep breaths and then get up. Watch the shift that's going on in front of you and pick out maybe, hey, my teammate Haley just made a great pass. That was amazing. I'm going to go do that exact same thing. Kind of watching and support your teammates, and then it kind of reminds yourself to stay grounded and know other people still are making mistakes on the ice, too. You're human. It's going to happen. But supporting and. And giving those feedback to your teammates, I think can also just immediately lift up your spirits and bring that. That fun energy back into your system. 

Hayley Scamurra [2:22 - 2:34]: Gabby, as Gabby's teammate, I can attest to she's the ultimate hype girl, for sure. So she's on the bench. She is finding something, you did well out there, and she is going to tell you about it. So it's the best kind of teammate to have. Lee, go ahead. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:34 - 3:53]: No, no. What I love about this is that there's no skill involved with being a great teammate. Right. And what I find, and I tell the kids, all of you this all the time when I'm coaching you, is that, you know, there's going to be games that your. Your best skill or your best attribute is not there. I have had games where, you know, I was a skater. I felt like my feet were underwater. I've had games where my hands are just not working. And then everyone's favorite. I've had games where I'm looking top right and I'm going to shoot the puck top right, and the puck somehow goes bottom left. It happens to everybody. Everybody. So it's not always going to be there. But it takes no talent to be a great teammate. And, kids, you will be surprised that if you get out of your own kind of mindset a little bit and focus on your teammates, that quicker than you think will actually bring you back to the place you want to be. That's one tip. That's one action item you can do. All teammates have a responsibility that if you're not having a great game, to take care of your teammates and. But, gang, what are some of the other things? Right. What are the. Some of the other methodologies of. Okay, I'm not feeling right. You know, we've talked about identifying your emotions. You know, you both talked about little, little things you do in the games. What else can kids do to get themselves present again or get themselves kind of out of that funk, as we say? 

Gabbie Hughes [3:55 - 4:55]: Yeah. I think something that works for me personally is we talked about it a little bit earlier. It's just grounding yourself and bringing yourself back to the present. A few ways I do that, I like to count my fingers. Those are some things that I really enjoy doing. Haley talked about the breathing exercises. I think that breathing is so important. Take those deep breaths and try to just relax. And once you're feeling a little bit more relaxed, identify what you're feeling, and then you can address it. Once you've calmed down a little bit, just taking those breaths, whether it's counting your fingers, just regrounding yourself to understand, okay, what am I feeling right now? Can kind of alleviate those big, big feelings and kind of bring them down to just maybe little emotions. Okay, what am I actually feeling and dealing with here, so you can handle those a little bit better. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:57 - 6:54]: You know, kids, I'll say this, too, Gabby, that was a great answer, is that this is something you have to practice, right? It's not something you're going to master immediately. In fact, it can't ever be mastered. It's something you have to continually work on. You know, one of the biggest first steps that I actually think we don't talk about this enough with you kids, is just the awareness that you're not feeling right. Sometimes your emotions are so big, they just take over. It's like an ocean wave right over your body. And, you know, you're in this water and it's like, you got to swim and, you know, you don't realize you're in the water. So kids just know this. If you can even get to a point where you're sitting on the bench or sitting at home, wherever, playing video games, whatever, and say, wow, I'm really angry that just that statement is immense growth for you and immense practice. Because once you've made the awareness, now you can actually start working on some of the things, the breathing, the counting your fingers, you know, or. One of my favorite phrases, gang, is the, you know, be where your skates are at or be where your feet are, right? Your mind is someplace else. Bring it back, kids. If you can start working on this skill now as a young hockey player, it not only will serve you really well on the ice, but in your life, it will serve you well, right? We said it on the big episode. You, you, you. You have more adversity in a week in a hockey, and most people have in a week or month of life, right? So it's teaching you life, right? Make sure you utilize that way the mental side of the game. If there's anything we learned, anything we learned from Gabby in our long episode this week, the mental side of the game is just as important to develop as the physical side of the game, right? And your coaches and your parents all have a responsibility to do that as well. Because I know your parents are in the car listening with you right now. I'm talking to you, mom and dad. Thank you for putting us on, by the way. Right, guys? Anything else? Haley, did you have any more tips and tricks that we want to share with you? 

Hayley Scamurra [6:54 - 7:22]: No, I think the only thing I was going to say is that, like, sometimes in a game, if I've. If I feel like I'm having a bad game and like, I'm hyping up my teammates, things like that in Terms of focusing on myself, I try to just do, like, one small thing that I'm really good at. Like, everyone has their strengths, right? Like, so for me, it's board battles. So I'm like, okay, I'm going out there and I'm just gonna win my board battles. Maybe I just knock it to a teammate. You know, things like that. You can just focus on little goals, and then it'll kind of just continue building throughout the game. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:22 - 8:18]: I love that. That's also really good advice, you know? And look, I'll say to all you kids listening, you know, the two ladies are giving great advice, right? You gotta find what works for you as well, right? There is no one thing that works for everybody. Everybody's mind works differently, and you have to find different things. So I encourage you kids, if this is something that interests you and parents listening to, there's a great thing called the Internet. You can actually go and search different ways to help yourself get present or help yourselves find ways through these. But above all, your ability to discuss this type of stuff is also a really big power, right? And the way the world's going right now, kids, you can have these conversations again. Gabby brought that up right away about her relationship with. With her coaches and her. Her parents growing up, about the ability just to discuss it. It's okay to talk about these things. All right, I'm gonna say that again. It's okay to talk about these things. It's part of growing up. Do either of you have any final messages before we close this out? 

Gabbie Hughes [8:20 - 9:12]: I would just say, for whoever's listening in the car ride to the rink, never lose sight of why you're going to the rink. I think that's something that always helps me, whether I'm struggling, whatever it is, if it's because you just love the game, you love your teammates. Every time you walk into the rink, just think about, why am I here? Why are you doing this? Is it because you love hanging out with your friends? Is it because you love going on the rink and having fun? You love the competitive whatever it is, Try not to lose sight of what. Why you're doing it, and to have fun with it. That's the whole reason why we do it, because we love it and it's so fun. So I think that's my big message that I want to leave with, is try not to lose sight of that. And just maybe every time you open those rink doors, you're reminding yourself while. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:12 - 9:24]: You'Re walking through them, gabby, that's beautiful. We'll end on that. Kids, remember, no matter where you're at on the hockey journey, we believe in you. You should, too. All right, skate hard, have fun. We'll see you on the ice. Take care, everybody.