The Ripple Effect of Hockey Mentorship with Coach Nick Stoop

Lee MJ Elias [0:00 - 0:58]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome back to another wonderful episode of our Girls Play Hockey. I'm your host, and I'm thrilled to be joined today by the newest member of our team, Olympian and PWHL star Hayley Scammura, and her boyfriend, mentor, and trainer. I was asked to say that. Nick Stoop. Today we're diving into a topic that. That's foundational to every successful player's journey. Mentorship. And whether you're a youth player, you're just starting out chasing a national team dream, having the right support, guidance, and voices around you really can be a game changer. So from the locker rooms to the late night calls, mentorship can show up in ways big and small and at any time. And today, Haley and Nick are going to go and help us unpack what truly mentorship looks like both on and off the ice. Haley, Nick, excited to dive into this one with you. Welcome to our Girls Play Hockey. 

Hayley Scamurra [0:58 - 1:00]: Thanks for having us here. 

Coach Nick Stoop [1:00 - 1:06]: Yeah. This is obviously a huge passion of ours, and we're grateful we get the opportunity to share it with your awesome audience. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:07 - 1:35]: Thanks, man. Well, look, it's a huge passion of mine. I know, Haley. It's a huge passion of yours as well. And so this episode is going to be a lot of great questions with a lot of great answers. And I. I can't say it enough that we actually don't talk about mentorship as a pillar enough in the game of hockey. I think it's one of those assumed things that just doesn't get discussed. So we're gonna dive into that today. So let's. Let's start with the easy question. Haley, I'll start with you. What does mentorship mean to you, especially in the world of hockey? 

Hayley Scamurra [1:35 - 2:04]: Yeah. For me, mentorship's just like another form of coaching. And I think it also spans, like, not just on the ice, but off the ice, too. Mentally and physically can just kind of encompass, like, the whole athlete perspective and for just different adversities they may face on or off the ice. And so just helping out any way I can, just with the experience that I've had playing this game for so long and just share what I've experienced and how I've dealt with things and see if that can help the next generation. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:04 - 2:26]: Yeah, absolutely. You know, again, I think that something I tell players sometimes is, you know, to find a mentor. Right. If I'm not already in that position and that the character of that person, you know, is really, really important. Right. I mean, because, like, you can Also find the poor mentor. So, Nick, I, I would throw that to you, actually. You know, what do you look for in a good mentor? 

Coach Nick Stoop [2:26 - 3:26]: I'm so glad you. You mentioned that because actually, what I was going to tell you, one of the biggest things in terms of mentoring, it isn't about trying to find a mentor to just learn what they do, to repeat it. It's about finding a mentor to learn about their processes, their ways of live, living, observing, operating, taking action. And then with that mentor, utilizing that information to create that pathway for you around what you want to do, your goals, how you process information, how you engage with experience. That's the biggest piece. I feel like most people, and it's, it's just common. You're right. You think with coaching, you're just going there to take in everything and do whatever they say, and that's great. However, you don't want to just take what they say and do it blindly. 

Lee MJ Elias [3:26 - 3:27]: Right? 

Coach Nick Stoop [3:27 - 4:10]: You want to learn about it, you want to understand it, you want to know why and how these things are benefiting you and bringing you closer to that goal. And how does this look like for me, applying it to myself? Not, hey, this is what Coach Stoop does. I got to do exactly what Coach Stoop does. And I always say it's like, are you Coach Stu? No, I'm Coach Stoop. And me, as a mentor, it's not my job to just teach everything. It's more so to share all of the wisdom, the knowledge, the experiences I have had or that I've been able to help others through and through that information, sharing it with you, you and I will find that path forward. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:12 - 4:37]: I, I love it, man. And I'll tell you too, that hockey, especially youth hockey, is facing this. I call it a problem right now where we are seeing kids just kind of do what they're told. There's no thought behind it. They just go from A to Z because I told you to go from A to Z. And I, I think the best mentors. And look, you could probably equate this to hockey IQ a bit too, but the best mentors aren't like you said, they're not just telling, they're teaching like, hey, you need to think. 

Coach Nick Stoop [4:38 - 4:39]: You need to think. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:39 - 5:17]: You know, when I look back to my mentors as a kid, you know, the advice was not how to play a 1, 2, 2 system so much. It was the mindset, right? It was the character. It was the, the ability to be an independent thinker and see the game in that way. And then also, you Know, applying it to life. Right. That, you know, hockey is a vehicle for a growth as human beings. I mean, I think just for the parents listening and the kids. Right. If you're seeking out a mentor, they have to have an understanding of that. Because if the mentor's only job is just hockey skills, I mean, you're a skills coach at that point, you're not, you know, and you can mentor skills. Don't get me wrong. But I think the big picture kind of matters. 

Coach Nick Stoop [5:17 - 5:27]: It's. It's funny you mentioned that because, like, you know, what I often end up doing isn't just mentoring the kids. It's actually working with the whole family dynamic. 

Lee MJ Elias [5:27 - 5:27]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [5:28 - 7:18]: And I think that's also an important piece to understand because you really hit the nail on the head there with. It extends far outside hockey. In actuality, everything that you are has been generated and created pre hockey. So then on being able to have a foundation of understanding who you are and how you process information, but also experiences you have, that predates hockey. So this is a huge piece with mentoring is being able to help them, not just with maybe we call it opportunities. Problems. We call them opportunities. Opportunity in disguise on the ice. Well, really, what is this actually connected? Is it just something that generated when you were playing hockey, or does maybe this stem from other experiences you've had outside of hockey? And now these things are kind of carrying over. Maybe something happened at school, right. And you're. You're kind of off your mental game, if you will, and now you're carrying that over onto the ice. Maybe you're frustrated about it. Maybe it was a grade or maybe it was an argument with the friend or something. Right. And those type of things. And then we get frustrated when we're out there on the ice. Why am I not performing? And oftentimes, hey, what's going on? And you're like, I don't know. Because when you're out there on the ice, the brain is only trying to associate what's going on here and now and not realizing, oh, man, I'm bringing some of this stuff onto the ice that was maybe impacting just how I was experiencing school or could have been the ride over, you know, whatever. It could be driving to practice for those old enough to drive. Right. And you get stuck in traffic, and then that just gets you kind of. That's the first thing that kind of gets you out of your groove. Right? 

Lee MJ Elias [7:19 - 8:32]: Yeah. I'll tell you this, too. And then, Haley, actually, when I ask you about this, being a professional player, but one of the best pieces of advice I ever got, Nick, to your point, was, I remember I had a tremendous fight at home, and it was the first time my dad didn't drive me to practice. Right? And I'll tell you right now, I was being the typical teenager. Like. Like, I was. I was in the wrong. But I remember my coach actually picked me up. Talk about mentors. And I just remember him saying to me, you know, a lot of good advice in the car ride, but when we got to the rink, he pointed at the rink and he said, when you walk through those doors, you've got to leave everything outside. Outside. And, you know, I have a wonderful relationship with my father. He's like, you will. You will have the time to have that conversation. But when you walk through, you got to leave it all behind. And that message never left me. You know, it's. It's a place of peace, right? And. And here's the other cool thing about mentorship and, Haley, I'm going to throw this one to you is that I think there's a misconception that mentors must be, like, the old, wise wizard that has all of the answers. And the truth is, mentors can be younger than you. They can be older than you. They can have experience. Like you said, experience. Haley, this is. I'm gonna throw this to you. When we started the show, our kids play hockey, women's professional hockey. This is just a few years ago. 

Hayley Scamurra [8:33 - 8:33]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:33 - 9:05]: Completely different world. Just completely. I mean, there was a pro league at that time that no longer exists, but just like, within. Within four or five years, we have a. A really a. A flag in the ground now for the pwhl, your player. You're an Olympian. I. I am so curious how mentorship for someone in your position would work, because we're talking about an evolution of the game that has happened rapidly. How do you. How do you mentor? How are you mentored in that. How do you take care of each other? 

Hayley Scamurra [9:05 - 9:48]: Yeah, I think that's a great question. That was something I was going to mention, too. Like, the mentor doesn't have to be someone who's, like, 10 years older than you or 20 years older. It can be your teammate. I know for me, like, some huge mentors to me, going into, like, the USA program or, like, Hillary Knight, Kendall Coyne, they know how to, like, make you feel comfortable and just answer any questions that you have. Like, I remember before the Olympics, I was terrified, and I was just having, like, a moment of panic. I'm like, oh, my God, what is it? Going to be like over there. Like, am I going to be able to like get, get good food? Like, just random things I was freaking out about. And I just remember I like texted Hillary that night and she called me and she like talked me through everything and like, what to expect and something that simple was just massive. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:49 - 9:51]: It's a good name to have in your phone, by the way. That's. 

Hayley Scamurra [9:51 - 10:39]: Yeah. Not too shabby. Not too shabby. And then like Kendall, for example, like anytime we're at world championships or camps for USA Hockey, she's always sitting with different groups of people and getting to know them. And something that simple can make someone feel so much more comfortable and then perform at their best. So those are kind of things that I try to embody as well. So now that I'm like a veteran in terms of the pro league and USA Hockey, I'm always kind of reaching out to the younger players, seeing if they have any questions, talking them through any anxieties they might be having and helping out any way I can. Because I just remember being in their shoes and being nervous and just a simple, hey, want to go walk for a coffee? Meant the world to me. So I just do those little things and that's how I feel. I'm able to mentor the new players. 

Coach Nick Stoop [10:39 - 10:40]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [10:40 - 11:10]: And again, we're talking at the pro level. Let's bring it down now. You know a great answer to the question, right? To the youth level. Right. Look, girls hockey is growing pretty rapidly as well. It's wonderful to see. But, but like we're growing and we must get bigger. Like we know that. Right. So, so talk to me or sorry, talk to the young ladies out there about mentorship. How, how it's important for them to have a mentor and really a male driven sport still. But, but growing up and where they can look and who they can find and what, what, what aspects of a mentor young lady should be looking for in youth hockey? 

Hayley Scamurra [11:11 - 11:42]: Yeah, I think in terms of their own team, maybe like someone who has played hockey a little bit longer than them, maybe it's just someone you feel really comfortable confiding in. I think, you know, your players have a good gauge of each other and what they kind of bring and who they're most comfortable talking to. And I think just leaning into that a little bit more and just being vulnerable with one another and being okay with that. But I think that also starts with like the coaches making sure that that' of in place with the, with the players and making sure that like they're creating that good Culture. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:44 - 12:44]: Yeah, well, I'll add on that too. You know, my daughter plays on both a girls team and a co ed team and for parents who don't see that a lot there, there is a huge difference in terms of, I don't want to say her demeanor, but her approach. Right. When she's on the all girls team, they get just the locker room together. You know, they're all on the same page, you know, understandably. But when she's on the co ed team, she's getting dressed in a different locker room. Different athletes treat her a little bit differently. And I think that, you know, along with the mentorship piece for youth hockey, it's also awareness. Right? I think sometimes coaches, that's not a big deal. I mean, she's on the ice with them. Well, no, that's. It is kind of a big deal. Right. You know, she's not involved in some of those locker room conversations and that camaraderie, not to mention. So especially in the younger ages, like which, which is when most co ed teams are an 8, 9, 10 year old boy, you know, look, the maturity is all over the place with that. All right, so. So I think part of the mentorship is also awareness. Would you guys agree with that? 

Coach Nick Stoop [12:44 - 14:46]: A hundred percent. Actually, that is by far the most important thing. Just period. With everything in life, all things ever, is awareness. And that's ultimately where we start. With any and any athlete, any individual that we're working with, anyone that we're teaching, it's solely about becoming aware. Because that's really, that's the first step in being able to acquire any new information and then apply it towards a goal. Yeah, Becoming aware that hey, right now we're finally. The last few years has been amazing. Putting girls hockey on the map with the pwhl. Right. Because there's now this visible, tangible potential that's now being seen that is something that, that these individuals brains can resonate with. Not even just the person I'm talking about from. Honestly, one of the reasons we formulated this is because all of these amazing athletes that I'm working with, they don't see me as that potential. They see me as someone they're learning from. But when I'm really trying to get an individual to learn and see things through that lens, having them learn it from someone that they are looking up to, to potentially emulate whatever you help teach that individual who's ever observing that is taking in that information simultaneously. So not only do you actually get to in a sense help one person, but you get to help one person and many people simultaneously at the same time. And my favorite, favorite way to cultivate that is after learning it, having them share that, whether it's back with me or, hey, who do you know that might be? And that's one of my favorite questions, because I always want this awareness to be two prong. One, you individually, but two, everything around you. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:47 - 14:47]: Right, right. 

Coach Nick Stoop [14:47 - 15:28]: Because now you could start to identify when someone else might need that help or, you know, hey, whenever so and so are together, you know, we typically maybe get anxious about games. And then I notice when. When she gets anxious, I get more anxious. When I get more anxious, she gets more anxious. And in knowing that and seeing that, we could be like, wait a second. Hey, wait. We don't have to be anxious. We don't have to only be anxious. Like, we're all so excited, you know, and like, we can be there to help each other instead of spiraling kind of more down that path, spiraling the other way, you know, and pick each other up and have each other's backs when you need it or they need it. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:30 - 16:35]: 100. You know, the other thing that comes with this, Nick, is the word community. And I think that that's something that unfortunately, in recent years has been kind of maybe going the wrong direction a little bit. That, you know, when the FOMO sets in and there's so much pressure to make the next level and, you know, the triple A, double, quadruple A, you know, whatever. Whatever showcase, elite, supreme team you're gonna be on. Yeah, right. It's like we forget that the community matters here too. That. That we got to help each other. Right. The rising tide lifts all ships. I'm a huge believer of that as a coach. You know, another part of the mentorship is that, as you said, it never ends. We're going to get into in a minute how mentoring young athletes actually in turn also mentors us. There's that the student becomes the teacher, the teachers become the student aspect of it. But. But you. You are alluding to it, so I want to bring it up. You two have started an incredible platform, you know, the kind of pro athlete experience. And I would love for you to talk about that a little bit of. Of the mentorship platform. You know, obviously why you started it. But also, what's the biggest transformations you've seen so far in it? 

Hayley Scamurra [16:36 - 16:50]: Well, it started because we actually originally had it where it had, like, on and off ice drills to do workouts, Nutri, different resources that we both never really had growing up, that we always Wish that we did have access to. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:50 - 16:56]: It's always the best reason to do it. I. I really mean, yeah, I never had this as a kid is the great. A great reason. 

Hayley Scamurra [16:58 - 17:28]: And yeah, so we basically decided to start that. And then what we kind of realized is that more people kind of wanted more access and like talking to us in terms of getting like advice and things like that. And that's when we started our weekly calls. So just weekly video calls with anyone in our community who wants it at a certain time. We usually just different, different days of the week, we kind of would mix it up and we would have great discussions. Like we would be going over the hour mark and it was like, oh, guys, we got to cut this off. Like, I gotta go eat dinner. 

Lee MJ Elias [17:28 - 17:29]: You know, like the. 

Hayley Scamurra [17:29 - 17:52]: They were just so eager to learn and to share their stories. So that's just been the coolest part of it. I think it's just how comfortable they've gotten talking to me and to Nick and to each other and helping each other through problems. Because all of us, including myself, we all face similar obstacles in the hockey world, regardless of what level it is. And that's been the coolest thing to see. 

Coach Nick Stoop [17:52 - 20:45]: I'll jump in and say as well, like even myself not involved in that way. There'd be things that I would personally be experiencing. That was like kind of a good theme. Hey, wow. Okay. It sounds like you're experiencing something similar, but in a different way. And this was a great way to not only address the hockey portion of these things, but hey, I too as a human in real life, like these are also things that happen and this is how. And I would share, like how I react, how I respond, what I choose to do and the why so that they can start to understand. Okay, this isn't just isolated here or isolated to me or just in this one area. Oh, this actually something more people, different ages, different experience levels, different backgrounds. We're all experiencing our own version of these things. And one of the. I think the biggest difference that I've noticed is going to really highlight just what you said, Haley, about how comfortable they have all gotten. And the reason for me personally, this is so important. Understanding things more from a psychological perspective. For them to be so comfortable with being on this video call with people that, you know, maybe they've never even yet got to meet each other in person. And with someone right? Like having that potential, star struck kind of experience, someone that you have, like up here, if you will, and you feel like you're here, but everyone now we're all on the same screen. We're all on the same screen, same page. We're all experiencing things together, right? And the degree is different. But seeing how comfortable they got being vulnerable with her and each other showed me two of the biggest things that I always am excited to see. A growth in confidence and security and strength and courage in allowing themselves to be vulnerable, which reflects those. That is single handedly one of the biggest growth factor indicators for any human at any age. But to see that with kids and being able to start self identifying their own processes or others and not taking things whether it's personally or taking them on, but being able to stand in their own power and navigate their own experience, that to me I'm the most proud of by far that it, that I just makes me so happy every time we're on those calls together to hear just no thoughts, they're just themselves. Genuinely, authentically, that is the biggest change for me. 

Lee MJ Elias [20:45 - 23:30]: But you know what's really cool about what you're saying is that, look, this is a hockey show, so everything is very hockey centric. But if you're a parent listening to this, I was, I. And I have to do this too at times. Like take a step back. Wouldn't you just want that for your kids without the hockey, you know, like, like if this was not a hockey show and it's like, hey, this is what it's going to provide, you wouldn't hesitate, right? I always think about things like this just happens to be for, for, I mean, obviously centered on hockey, but it goes beyond hockey. And like I wrote it down too, that you know, real trust and that's what you're building is trust, which is the most important foundational element for any group of people is coming through, through vulnerability. And I think that those conversations are so important. I'll also say this too. And helly, I'll talk to you about this because you're going to be on the show, you'll find really quickly with our audience. You know, we've built up this massive audience because when the show started, the idea is there's got to be parents out there that don't just fit this crazy Internet sensational hockey parent. And they are absolutely out there. We always say, we joke, you know, you're not crazy. The hockey world's crazy. You have discovered this community as well. And you're going to see throughout your course on the show, Haley, people will come up to you and say, you know, I really wish you would discuss this. And you know, I, I love that you did discuss this because the community wants to share and I'm going to keep saying the word community, community, community. We need more community back in this game and back in society for much less. You know, we'll keep it. Haley, I also love that, that you said that, you know, sometimes you have to leave at the hour because I can see a kid saying, you know, Haley had to leave. Why the Olympics. Go to the Olympics. Yeah, but look, we're talking about youth, youth hockey players right now, which I love. Okay. And one of the things about coaching and, and I think we'll say either younger coaches or stubborn coaches don't necessarily understand this, that as a coach you're still a student. You're always learning. You're just always, if you stop learning, you're not coaching anymore. You're actually just, that's just your ego now. Right. And, and I'm very blessed that I, I get to coach from a national level all the way down to kind of squirt levels. So I see a wide variety of, of different mindsets, different kids. And I'm going to tell you, I learn as much from the 8 year olds as I do from the, the 18 year olds or the 28 year olds. We'll say that at this point too, because it's all about meeting those players where their skates are at or where their feet are at. Right. But, but I always enter into the realist. I try to with a sense of wonder. Right. And I try and see the game through their eyes. But that's, that's the duality of mentorship. Of course I'm mentoring them, but they're also mentoring me. Maybe we don't say that enough as mentors, but let's just discuss for a minute as kind of the group of, you know, youth mentorship and how it goes both ways. 

Coach Nick Stoop [23:31 - 23:31]: This is. 

Hayley Scamurra [23:32 - 23:33]: Yeah. Oh, go ahead, Nick. 

Coach Nick Stoop [23:34 - 23:34]: I was gonna say. 

Lee MJ Elias [23:35 - 23:35]: I love it. 

Coach Nick Stoop [23:35 - 23:46]: Yeah. I want to say community and connection are by far the most important elements for purposeful living and experiencing life in any type of fulfilled way. 

Lee MJ Elias [23:46 - 23:47]: Right. 

Coach Nick Stoop [23:47 - 25:08]: That when you mentioned that and the trust component, and I want to mention also, really the trust piece is the trusting the other person's actually secondary. It's trusting yourself and your ability and the decisions you make. Right. To trust that you decided to trust this person. And I, I always, for my mentally, I always said different. I call them like, you know, cues or something that as soon as the brain picks up, it'll run a different program. And this is kind of some of the stuff we teach so, and because one of the questions I always will get back knowingly, most people have been disappointed trusting someone else. And I always say, listen, right then you didn't enter that fully. And because part of you was halfway out, you were. You were due to experience what you were expecting to. Right. Also, isn't it fair to then say that you then just gave them the full power over your experience? And was that what you wanted in a mentor? No. Right. And that's part of an experience itself is being able to learn how to trust and to trust fully, but not blindly. There's a huge difference. There's a huge difference. But I wanted to mention that because I feel like that's very important. 

Lee MJ Elias [25:09 - 25:09]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [25:10 - 25:18]: But Haley, I want you to go ahead and take some of this, and then I. I've got infinite. I can add to it. I wanted to share that. 

Hayley Scamurra [25:18 - 26:21]: Yeah. In terms of, like, the players mentoring, like, me and Nick, like, honestly, I, you know, was frustrated during the season. I was having a hard time feeling like I wasn't or contributing to my team in terms of points on the score sheet. And I remember I was just like, so down about it. Like, after games, I would just be so frustrated. And we had a call that week, and I think one of the girls mentioned, like, they were frustrated they hadn't gotten points in a few days. You know, feel as if they weren't contributing to their team. And then hearing them say it, I was like, well, that's ridiculous. Like, there's other ways you can contribute to your team. It doesn't have to be on the score sheet. Not everyone is producing on the score sheet or else it's not hockey. Like, we see it in every level. Like, there's different roles you play. And that's the beauty of hockey, is that it's a team sport through and through, and we all have our roles. Then if we execute them, our team can be successful. And again, it doesn't. Not everything is statistical. Right. So I think that was a huge lesson that I learned that they kind of taught me. And it was just massive for me. It was a huge mind shift change. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:21 - 26:48]: You know, I'll tell you both this, since we're all being vulnerable right now, which I love. You know, I'm recently retired from playing competitively, and the last few years of me playing was overlapped with my kids kind of start in the game. And I remember this, I was telling actually the kids this the other day that, you know, look, I work in the game. I've been living the game my whole life. And, Haley, kind of like you're saying, there's periods of it where I don't want to say it becomes work, but it is work. 

Coach Nick Stoop [26:49 - 26:49]: Right? 

Lee MJ Elias [26:49 - 28:17]: And I don't just mean the grind like it's. It's a job. I mean, because, you know, and you can. You know, like anybody in life, you can get lost in that at times. I remember I was. I was coming off the ice. I think it was a game. I was playing a game, and I remember I got off the ice, and I just felt this. God, I still love this so much. Not in a somber way, like, it was a gratitude of. I love this game so much. And the gratitude was in. I'm so fortunate. And parents, this. This is for you. I'm so fortunate that at my. My not old age, but my age, you know, I still love this as much as I did when I was 12. Right. I get the same. I might actually love it more. Right. But I was allowed in my journey to understand that love and to understand that joy. Right. Keeping in mind, too, I am going to kind of pivot here a little bit. I didn't grow up in a time when there was social media. I did not grow up in a time where there were highlights of me or everybody else in the world. Stats were not widely available. In fact, I kept my own stats. Right. So there were no distractions, per se. When I was growing up in the late 90s, early 2000s, that I dated myself for all of you, all right? But the love is eternal. I still feel that love for the game. And obviously, I'm on the ice all the time as a coach. Where am I going with this? From a mentorship standpoint, it's so important that you provide the enjoyment of the experience, because this is, again, not just limited to hockey. All right? 

Coach Nick Stoop [28:18 - 28:18]: And. 

Lee MJ Elias [28:18 - 28:35]: And it's so important that you mentor that way. And kids, again, you mentor us. Your joy of the game in youth hockey can be easily forgotten when you're. When you're playing at an extremely high level or working in the game. So I love that we share that. Nick. Nick, did you have something? Sorry. Oh. 

Coach Nick Stoop [28:35 - 28:58]: So many things. So many beautiful things. First and foremost, I think one of the. The most important thing that I could share for the easiest way to learn anything in life is make it fun. If you can find a way to make whatever it is that you're doing or teaching, coaching, or applying for yourself, finding a way to make it fun. 

Lee MJ Elias [28:59 - 29:03]: Or as the Marines say, embrace the suck, sometimes that's how you have to make it I know that's not where you're going. 

Coach Nick Stoop [29:04 - 29:17]: Yeah, yeah. Well, like what I would say there is like embracing the suck is a fun that for you, that has a very fun connotation of just going, right, right, right, right. So again, that's making it fun. You know it is. 

Lee MJ Elias [29:17 - 29:18]: And that's where I was going with that. You nailed it. 

Hayley Scamurra [29:18 - 29:19]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [29:19 - 30:06]: I love that. Anything you can make fun, you will learn significantly quicker. You will retain faster. People do not remember information. And this is this. I want everyone to hear this. People don't just remember information. This is why you can teach all these different subjects at school. And they're sitting there and they're not going to remember every single thing, but anything that struck any type of personal chord or some kind of experience that went along with that information, now you've got something. And what I always used to tell people with presenting and stuff is like, don't think of it as presenting. First off, no one likes to be presented to and no one is that excited about presenting. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:06 - 30:07]: Correct? 

Coach Nick Stoop [30:07 - 30:07]: Correct. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:07 - 30:08]: Boom. 

Coach Nick Stoop [30:08 - 30:15]: All right, who enjoys conversations? Who remembers conversations that you have with friends and family? 

Lee MJ Elias [30:15 - 30:15]: Right? 

Coach Nick Stoop [30:15 - 30:44]: We all do. Right. Make it more of a conversation because now you're connecting. And what is a conversation? It's not talking one way, it's also not just listening to talk. You've now entered in a conversation which is a two way communication where you're now actively choosing to understand everything that is being said, done or shared with you from their perspective, not your own. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:44 - 30:45]: Right? 

Coach Nick Stoop [30:45 - 32:05]: And one of the biggest things, I think for any coach, parent, teacher, anyone, really, not only can we learn from them, but honestly we can learn how to connect a lot easier with different people when we allow ourselves to listen to understand them and not solely just to make a point or to teach a thing. Right? Because you might learn why they haven't connected with it. And honestly, what I have found is those type of questions ultimately lead to levels of awareness gain that no amount of teaching information would have ever given them. Because now you're. They're starting to. Instead of just recite information that you're reciting to them, now they're connecting with other information in their own brain. Now they're connecting with themselves and they want to try to understand this when they're asking questions. It's not necessarily just the person. Sometimes it's the physical brain, the computer. How do we plug this information in? How do you want us to play this? How, how and why? Those are the two biggest questions, right? Because it's not just the kids wanting to know it's there's direction for that information, for output. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:06 - 32:41]: Well, I'll tell you this too. That and one of my favorite quotes is great questions demand great answers. Right. I'm also believe that there are no stupid questions. But great questions demand great answers. And sometimes from a mentorship standpoint, Nick, you know what, what I tell people is that, you know, I might not have the answer, but I can give you the questions you should probably be asking yourself. And sometimes that's more valuable than any advice. Right. Especially in hockey. And I know you both get this all the time. It's like, what should I do? It's like, I can't make that decision for you. Right. But I can give you the questions you should be asking yourself. 

Coach Nick Stoop [32:41 - 32:51]: Here. I'll actually take that to another level because we actually hold all the answers that any of us actually need. Most of the time when we ask questions, we're secretly asking for permission or value. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:51 - 32:52]: That's great. 

Coach Nick Stoop [32:53 - 33:12]: So really the great questions will lead to great questions. And when you know how to ask yourself questions, when you know how to talk right to your brain and listen to it, it's like utilizing a chat GPT of your all pulled information. You ask yourself the question, you will get those answers. 

Lee MJ Elias [33:12 - 34:14]: Right? Let's the be curious, not judgmental side of it too. Right? The curiosity and the creativity, always. That's one piece of mentorship I always give. Well, everybody but, but specifically kids, is don't ever lose the ability to be creative in your mind. Yeah, right. It's it obviously that plays out on the ice really well too, but your ability to stay creative and not, you know, like I said at the beginning of the episode, go from A to B without, well, this is what you told me to do. Now let's think. Why are we going from A to B? Why are we doing again on the ice and off the ice? Okay, I'm gonna keep moving here because we'll be on the show for six and a half hours. If I know for the second half of this episode we're gonna get a little more specific for the audience because I, we, we, we projected some of the questions you probably do want to ask. Right. First one, I'm gonna ask Haley. And again, you'll love this one. Let's talk about pressures of points and stats. We kind of alluded to it. How can mentorship help players shift their focus from the performance to the purpose? They're both important, but if you don't have a purpose in the way you're playing, you're lost. 

Hayley Scamurra [34:15 - 34:18]: Yeah, exactly. It's the, it's the why we play. 

Lee MJ Elias [34:18 - 34:18]: Right. 

Hayley Scamurra [34:18 - 35:01]: And it's always kind of remembering the reason we play is because we love the game and we, we love having fun playing the game. And I think that's an easy thing to forget. Sometimes you get really caught up in your own world a little bit and like, how you want to be seen or how you want to feel like you're contributing to the team. And I, what I've learned is that it's just you can contribute in a lot of ways for the team. You can contribute on the point sheet, you can contribute on the forecheck, creating energy for your team. You can contribute defensively making a good block, like having a good stick. There's so many things and a lot of those are not stats. And I think that's just super important to remember. And we're playing the game we love and. Go ahead, Nick, what's up? 

Coach Nick Stoop [35:01 - 35:10]: What about contributing completely off the ice or not even in skates as a teammate? Because I feel like someone I know here could really speak to that. 

Hayley Scamurra [35:12 - 35:46]: Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Another point is just like when you are mentoring those younger players, you're helping them be more comfortable, in turn helping them play better. So that could just be things off the ice that you're doing to make them feel more part of the team, to make them feel like they can go out there and just play free. Right. Because if you're a younger player, you're probably maybe gripping your stick a little bit tight and maybe you just need a little bit of guidance from an older player and being like, hey, it's okay. You can make mistakes, we all make mistakes. Everything's all right. And I think just doing that allows everyone to play at their best because we all know we're trusting each other. 

Lee MJ Elias [35:46 - 36:55]: Well, I'll take it to another level too. You know, I, I, one of my own kids was in a slump, you know, point wise recently with, with the sport and was really hitting them, you know, and from a mentorship parenting standpoint, we were given all the right messages about the work ethic and things like that. But, you know, it kind of, kind of broke it down to the point I just said, hey, listen, talk about contributing. Just be a great teammate today. I don't care if, if, you know, I mean, obviously you can't be a liability. You gotta, you gotta understand the concept of that. But he wasn't being a liability. Right? It's like, just be a great teammate today. Like, I don't hear you supporting your teammates like you normally do. Right. And that clicks, you know, and they showed up and they were really supportive and guess what else started to click as soon as that happened. Right. Like the points started coming back. So that little mindset shift, a mentor can really provide that, you know. Hey, let me ask you this too. In, in youth girls hockey, just being a girl in youth hockey, do you feel that there's more stress on point production or being seen? You know, and I'm not just talking about being recruited, I mean the whole journey. 

Hayley Scamurra [36:56 - 37:09]: Yeah, I think, I think there definitely is. I think in terms of the social media aspect, in terms of stats, like they're tracking teams as young as like 8U for league, you know, in the country, it's like, how are we ranking this? 

Lee MJ Elias [37:09 - 37:10]: Like what kind of scary. 

Hayley Scamurra [37:11 - 37:31]: Yeah, yeah, it's a lot. And the kids are probably seeing it and they're probably overthinking it and where they are and where they should be, you know, based on standards. And I think, I just think it's unrealistic expectations that are put on these kids way too young and they, it just is so unnecessary. Like how are we ranking like this? 

Lee MJ Elias [37:31 - 38:00]: Well, I'll say just on that note real quick, there's this, I believe this to be true. People will fight me on this. I don't think any 8 year old kid goes around parading, I'm a AAA mite. I think their parents do. I think their parents do. And that's why they say it. Because I can guarantee you there's no 8 year old that's going to school be like, hey, what's up? You know, I'm a AAA Mike player. I also love playing Roblox and, and Fortnite and like it's like it's not a kid thing, that's a parent thing. 

Coach Nick Stoop [38:00 - 38:29]: Yeah. And honestly. Well, you really hit. That's so spot on. I feel like so oftentimes parents are trying to live and I'm using that very intentionally, trying to live vicariously, not always realizing that maybe like they're seeing a version of them that maybe they wanted to have that help or something. Right. And sometimes you're kind of stuck helping a version of you instead of seeing the version of your, your child. 

Lee MJ Elias [38:29 - 39:11]: 100. And I can say this too, like as a father of two, I always like to tell parents this. There's a level of that, that in terms of the behavior, it's kind of, it's normal a little bit. Like we all live through our kids. It's not, it's not a crazy thoughts. Like I don't want parents hearing that to think, oh, I'm doing something wrong. No, it's super normal. It's the awareness of it that's kind of the key of you have to be aware of, oh wait, I might be imprinting a bit here because I didn't have this. And you actually hear parents say, you know, when I was your age I didn't have these fancy sticks and, and there's a level of that that makes sense. You gotta, you gotta find that as a parent. Yeah, but, but I just want to say that like, yeah, it's the awareness of it that's really the, the key you gotta find. 

Coach Nick Stoop [39:12 - 39:47]: And I like, I like to pose another, another, another view to utilize. Like so when you, when you realize that it's more of like instead of thinking about just trying to coach another version of yourself or you know, and printing if you will, but more so think about it like wouldn't it be more fun for you to be doing this with your kid and not just for your kid? And I like that perspective because then like ultimately you're doing these things for them to, to really. Because you love them and it's really, you want to also connect with them and this is your way of doing it. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:47 - 39:47]: Right. 

Coach Nick Stoop [39:47 - 39:59]: But one of the times I like I with having 8 year old kids, 9 year old, they're going to be more aware and more intelligent than we give them. Credit. Credit. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:59 - 40:00]: 100 agree. 

Coach Nick Stoop [40:00 - 40:38]: And one of the things that I was the biggest change with, kind of like if you will, mentoring the families, you know, navigating different side conversations of what the kids kind of going through what the parents and then having the switch and then having those conversations and then trying to instigate ways that they can connect and open that dialogue. That's one of my favorite things to do. It has nothing to do with the sport but really the biggest passion is I, I want to bring you guys, you and your family closer together through times in which you feel like you're pushing each other apart or you don't realize just how on the same page you really are. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:39 - 41:59]: Yeah. You know, I'll tell you both. One, that I hear a lot that parents, again, sometimes I don't think they realize they're doing it. If you're playing youth hockey, you're spending a lot of money, right. And if, if you're consistently telling your kid. And again, sometimes I think parents think this, say this without thinking this, you know, how much I'm spending on this, you know, how Much I pay for this. And you do that. Well, your kids are going to start equating their worth through that statement of, well, my parents pay so much money and I, I don't want my kids to feel that way now. Now, with that said, parents, I do think there's a value in them understanding the value of the monetary in the sense of we have to earn money and we have to pay money. So I just expect that you're going to give your best or give what you've got today. Right. But it's never because I spend so much money you need to perform. I never say anything like this. And parents, I think if you audit what you say, you, you might be surprised sometimes that it might be coming across that way if you're not careful. Right, because, because look, we've seen this a lot and I've heard a lot of this on the show doing, doing 400 episodes. The burnout age is 15. Like that's the common burnout age. Right. And we hear about the pressure and you know what the parents say sometimes guys, is, but I've spent all this money only for them to burn out. That statement actually scares the hell out of me. 

Hayley Scamurra [41:59 - 42:00]: Also. 

Coach Nick Stoop [42:00 - 42:01]: Can I make a huge point here? 

Lee MJ Elias [42:01 - 42:02]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [42:02 - 43:25]: Let that be so, so important and paramount that it was, it is nothing and never had anything to do with money to begin with. I think that's incredibly important. And one of the things that I like, that I like for people to think about is when you're also trying to express your point, it's not about projecting it in one direction. You want the point to be not just heard. You want it to be understood. You want to be heard and understood. And that actually goes with kids. And I use, I'll use my three, three year old niece as a good example, right. Whenever she'll see me, maybe I'm passing by, just come in to take care of the dogs before I'm going back out for another session or something, whatever it might be. And she'll see me, she'll get excited, hey, Uncle Nick, I want to come play, hang out. And I'll be like, Maddie, I would love to. I want to play. And Uncle Nick's got to go back to work. But we can do, we can play another time when I have more time. Is that okay? And more so like asking and sharing and not say, hey, yeah, I can't play right now, I'm busy instead. Because all she wants, she doesn't just want me to play, she wants to connect. That's all she wants to connect and that's it. And if I make her feel heard and seen in that moment, even if she's a little upset and that's okay. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:25 - 43:25]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [43:25 - 43:41]: It is actually the best thing for her. And how many times she'll be like a little bum at first, but then be like, okay, and then go, well, then that was it. Because we were able to complete the whole conversational cycle. We were both heard. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:41 - 43:42]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [43:42 - 44:43]: And we both addressed the things that each one of us wanted the other to know and what the other wanted. So, for instance, with the. The value proposition, if you will, we're going to use money in this case, you know, like, this is how much I invested. Then maybe the question or maybe a conversation is like, hey, this is how much I'm investing in this. Is this something that you really passionate about? And wouldn't it be fair if this is what I'm investing that isn't it fair for me as a parent to ask certain things of you? But that being said, you deserve to have certain boundaries and standards back and let's find a common ground instead of my ground. And I think that is. And I think it's also a fun, different way we can start connecting. I'll say we connecting with our kids, but connecting with just not ourselves, but ourselves with other people and seeing how we can start changing those relationships mutually and favorably. 

Lee MJ Elias [44:43 - 45:19]: While you're creating a conversation. Right. And. And I think that a lot of times, A, those conversations never happen, which is why they're important. B, to your point, you know, with. Especially with young kids, it doesn't take as much, I think, as people think to make them feel heard. Right. And I'll tell you why. For those of you listening, I'll tell you, like, I see a lot of this. Huh? I'm looking at my phone. Yeah. No, I love you too. All right, cool. Even I have to. To, you know, keep an eye on that with myself. When my kids come up to me, just putting the phone down, looking them in the eye like you just said, and say, hey, let's just. Let's. What did you say? Close the loop a little bit. Like, let make sure that you feel heard. That goes such a long way. 

Coach Nick Stoop [45:19 - 45:52]: Another thing, too, for younger or smaller kids, and this is. I always. Everything I do and save, everything is intentional. Even when I'm, like, doing presentations and com. Like, I will actually sit so that there's no and, like, so when I go see her and I'm gonna have that conversation, I will get down on that level to meet her. There so that she doesn't feel like I'm talking down that. But now, like, hey, I see you. We're equal. You and I both deserve to exist how we want without obviously having to say that. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:52 - 45:52]: Right? 

Coach Nick Stoop [45:52 - 46:58]: But that's. This is what you're saying, and that's what the physical brains and bodies are picking up. So there's multiple layers of communication and connection. That's not just the person speaking or vocalizing certain things, but there's whole different ways that we're processing everything and just being mindful of how we're sharing. You know, and sometimes like, I've noticed this for myself and like, okay, I might feel a little frustrated about something, but when someone's asking me something, different tone, different experience because they have, one, they had nothing to do with that. Two, they don't deserve for me to take what I'm currently experiencing here and sharing it with them, that was never my intention and that's not what they want. But just being self aware too, as coaches, mentors and parents. And like, I'll share a quick little reset, just a quick little. When you breathe out, just remember what you love about the thing you're about to engage with and that will change everything. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:00 - 47:42]: I think sometimes, like those little, you know, five second things you can do really can make a huge impact. I mean, we're talking about mentorship here today. Again, it's. It's an hour Girls Play Hockey episode, but it's such a broad topic that I love that we're tackling it this way. And that's the whole purpose of our girls Play hockey, right? Is it's not, not just for girls, it's for everybody. Haley, I do want to ask you this too. I want to talk about peer to peer mentorship in the locker room as well, but I actually want to frame it again to the girls, right? Because I imagine, you know, and again, whether it's an all girls team or, or there's a couple girls on a co ed team, you know, creating that can be a different, different atmosphere. Like, what's your advice for. We'll start with athletes, then we'll go to coaches. But what's your advice for athletes to build that peer to peer mentorship environment? 

Hayley Scamurra [47:45 - 49:08]: I think it's just really focusing on making sure you're talking to different people, making sure you're sitting next to different people in the locker room. So it's really on the players to really be accountable with each other, to make sure they're not just sitting with people. They're just best Friends with. Right. I think it's just getting out of your comfort zone a little bit, sitting next to someone new, making them feel comfortable asking questions outside of hockey, asking questions about their family, about what they like to do besides hockey. And I think simple things like that can help you connect with other people and make everyone feel a little bit more comfortable. And then if you're on a co ed team, yeah, it can definitely be hard. I remember I was the only girl on a boys team, and I was in bathrooms, janitor's closets. Like, you're. You don't really. There was a point where it wasn't really fun anymore. And that was also when I did decide to go to girls hockey, because I had. It was about a full year of. I felt really separated from my teammates. And I was also the coach's daughter. So I felt like there was kind of two things against me at that point. And when I realized that I wasn't having fun going to practice, just going to games, I remember having that discussion, like, with my parents and being like, I think it's time for me to go to girls hockey. Like, this isn't for me anymore. It's just not fun. So I think that was really important that I had that conversation with them and that I was open and honest and where I was and not enjoying the game anymore. And that's not the point. You're supposed to be having fun. So. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:09 - 49:35]: Yeah, it also shows the importance of that locker room in that community that you're in, because just showing up to play. Well, I'm sure that, you know, being on the ice is. Being on the ice. It wasn't complete. Like something was missing for you, and it was that combo. I just, again, I just saw this with my daughter, who. Who again, she plays for both a coed and a all girls team. But I could see it. I could see that she was just like, no one talks to me. 

Hayley Scamurra [49:35 - 49:35]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:35 - 49:40]: You know, I'm on the ice, and it's like, I'm on the ice. So it just goes to show you that this is so much more than just ice time. 

Hayley Scamurra [49:41 - 49:41]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:42 - 49:42]: Right. 

Hayley Scamurra [49:42 - 49:42]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:42 - 50:01]: And that. And that, you know, we all play a role in that. I love Haley, too, that you. You said you recognized that something was wrong. Right. I think the other important part of this is that sometimes that can, you know, if you don't recognize and you let it go for too long, burnout is not. It's inevitable at that point. It's going to happen. It's good. It happens. Whether you're Having fun or not at some point. 

Coach Nick Stoop [50:01 - 50:03]: Yeah, yeah. 

Hayley Scamurra [50:03 - 50:15]: So for your daughters. Well, I was going to ask, like, for your daughter's team with the co ed team, what's like a step maybe that you've taken or she's taken to kind of help her maybe be able to build those relationships? 

Lee MJ Elias [50:16 - 51:19]: Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, so for the co ed team specifically, we do a lot of team building as coaches. All right? Like, we do a lot of interactions away from the locker room where we can kind of replicate that time together or put them in situations where they just have to work together and talk and get to know each other. I find that that's extremely beneficial for everyone. Not, not obviously just the girls, but everybody on the team. Right. The. The other part is, you know, making sure that. How do I say this right? It's. It's not about making everybody special, but just reminding everybody, hey, we're all on the team here, all of us, the goalie, the skaters, defensemen, coaching staff. You know, I think it's actually about breaking down. It's like, it's not that we have girls on the team. We are a team, period. Like that, that it's creating that atmosphere. But yeah, you have to help kind of replicate that. And, and you know, it's funny, the rink we play, it now just built a. A women's girls locker room, which is great. But you're right, it's like, you know, the. The boys on the team are very supportive. Don't get me wrong. 

Hayley Scamurra [51:19 - 51:20]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [51:20 - 51:29]: But it's like it's. She doesn't really exist until they're on the ice. To them, it's not like. Yeah, right. So we also make them aware sometimes of, hey, remember, your teammate has to get dressed in a different way. 

Coach Nick Stoop [51:29 - 51:56]: Locker room, I think. I think another. Another component that is underlying all of this is friend groups. Right, Right. So this is something huge to be aware of because so often times, and what I was kind of alluding to earlier, like school carrying over to hockey. Right. Like, oftentimes kids will just be with their peers like that are. They feel comfortable. Comfortable with. 

Lee MJ Elias [51:56 - 51:56]: Right. 

Coach Nick Stoop [51:56 - 52:53]: Whether that's in school, then they're with the same. Or maybe some different people on, you know, their team or. And then like outside of school, you know, it's usually that because it's comfortable, it's easy, it's already known. It's already a known routine. We can just run now. One of. One of the things that I think would be great for people at any age as a skill set is just start practicing. Is literally getting to know your teammates and getting to know your team. Learning and becoming comfortable seeing someone and just going and sparking up a conversation. Because, like, if we're going to take this far outside of hockey, what is the most important factor to be able to contribute or serve or have your dreams fulfilled in life? Your ability to connect and communicate. 

Lee MJ Elias [52:53 - 53:25]: Yeah, that's great. And, and here's the other thing too. Taking this to hockey, you know, I see it every year after tryouts. You didn't make the team you wanted to make. That all. I'll do it from a parent perspective. All their friends are on that team. Well, make new friends. All right. Like. Like that. That's part of the journey. You know what else is funny too, is that, and this is something I think is shifting a little bit. Bit. You know, we'll just say 20 years ago, little kids had no problem going up to other little kids and just being like, hi, I like this game. We can be friends. 

Coach Nick Stoop [53:25 - 53:26]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [53:26 - 53:50]: And they still, they still do do that. I think there's some more distractions now with, with just kind of this, the screen ager screen technology. But what's funny about it is we don't do it as adults. And, you know, you literally have to force people together. Like, tell me something interesting about yourself. We'll go around the circle. You know, this is, this is great advice just for anybody to get to know the people you're with. So you're some investment there. 

Coach Nick Stoop [53:51 - 54:21]: Well, speaking of investment, actually, this is, this is going to speak to everyone here. This is something that when you pay attention to realizing the power of connection. Right. We grew up when, like, social media was really kind of just becoming. So it was easy to explode. But yet we're at the other end where it's not easy to take off. Right here was the biggest difference for most of those people that got on the Internet. They had a lot of real friends. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:22 - 54:22]: Right. 

Coach Nick Stoop [54:23 - 54:43]: You know, and I think about this, like, me, the kind of individual I am. I. I connect with any and everyone. That's just who I am. And that has created the vastest network that I had that I didn't know would benefit me until after I was done being an athlete. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:43 - 54:44]: Right. 

Coach Nick Stoop [54:44 - 56:53]: And then I was like, oh, my gosh, now I'm in the real world working. I'm working either with the same people I was just playing sports with or against. We're now in the workforce. We're now going to be doing business together, you know, and so from the, the, as an example Higher social media following gets you more money. Right. Being able to have connections and connect with people and communicate, you think that's valuable. This wouldn't exist if that didn't. And when it comes time, whatever's next for you, you don't even realize the investment you're putting into your Rolodex, if you will, your contact list. Right now you're calling them friends, but also those same friends later on. I'm sure many parents can have have learned this, that when you needed those friends, some of them weren't there. But yet when they needed you, you were there. Now you started to learn a different type of relationship. Right. So there's a lot that can be gained from this that's going to prepare you for literally so many more things in the future. And I like to share this because it gives the brain so much more to do what look forward and not what look behind. And how do I change what I've done? Oh, wow. This is why I'm excited to learn how to engage with people. Why would I be excited about being a good teammate? I'm so glad you asked that. You know, why? What, what is important to you? What's exciting for you? Well, I want to be X. I want to be the best investor. Well, whose money are you going to be investing and what's the purpose of doing that? How are you going to create those relationships? Right. That starts with being, you think, but a good teammate. Because when you're in business, those people that you're working with, those are your new teammates. They're called co workers. The label changed different. Or they're called other business that you're doing business with. But if you're interacting and you're doing something together, that's still your team. It's new, it looks different. And don't you want your team to be successful? 

Lee MJ Elias [56:54 - 56:54]: Yeah. 

Coach Nick Stoop [56:55 - 57:16]: Then selfishly, you could say, even take it from that approach. Selfishly. What can I do to be the best teammate for everyone else? I want my team to go to the top. If they're not going to do, that's okay. I'm not here to force them. But how can I still be the best version of me to help my goals get there and help me drive to get to that point? 

Lee MJ Elias [57:16 - 57:37]: Well, I'll tell you what I love about this too, buddy, is that that when we get to mentorship, there is no mentorship without communication. And if you can't communicate, it's tough to to mentor or be mentored. The other thing is I love you think I'M young enough that social media happened when I was growing up. That really made me feel good. I appreciate that. Now, I was. Facebook was actually created when I was in college. So I was right there. Right there at the beginning. 

Coach Nick Stoop [57:37 - 57:39]: My space was where it all started. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:39 - 58:33]: Yeah, man, I had a song. I had a song like everybody else did, but that's it. You're absolutely right. And, you know, when we grew up, that was not there, Right? Yeah, you had to talk to people and. And there's a whole generation of kids that was raised not knowing that. Now knowing that again, so forth and so on. So listen, to bring this one home. I want to ask this question. We talked about communication. I want to talk to the coaches listening to this episode because creating a mentorship environment, and we talk a lot about environment on this show, about the environment has to be right for these things is essential. So I'll throw it back to you both as the experts here. You know, how can coaches create a mentorship environment in the locker room? Keeping in mind, too, that the mentorship might not even be coming from them. It might be coming from the teammates. It might be the assistant coaches. And then also, tell me kind of within the answer, maybe one piece of advice that a mentor gave you that changed your. Your career, your mindset within that environment. 

Hayley Scamurra [58:37 - 59:39]: Well, I think for the coaches, I think what they can maybe do is there's probably leaders on your team, like, natural leaders, and maybe just giving them tasks or things to kind of focus on, you know, and be like, hey, you know, I'm noticing, like, this player, like, let's make an effort and make sure they're feeling a little bit more comfortable, like, chat with them in the locker room a little bit more. Like, things like that. I think coaches really got to maybe be on that a bit, little. Little bit more and able to have those conversations with some of their players that they notice, maybe have, like, those leadership qualities or have those good, like, connections with their teammates. In terms of advice, I think, I mean, the biggest piece of advice I was always given was just to. Not I. I focused too hard on, like, the goal and, like, if I wasn't achieving that goal, rather than just being where my feet were and being grateful for where I was at in my journey at that point and thinking too far ahead and not being like, hey, look where you're at now. Like, enjoy where you're at now. Be appreciative, and then it will lead you to where you're meant to go. 

Lee MJ Elias [59:40 - 1:00:30]: I love that one because I feel like I'M consistently saying that to others, but I also feel like I'm consistently saying that to myself. Yes, it's that advice that I think it's paradoxical in the sense of. Of. I hear that one a lot. But it's. It's always relevant. It's always relevant. It shows you how much your mind can leave the present moment, which, again, is. Is a normal thing for the human mind to do. But be able to bring it back centered. As I hit my microphone, be able to bring it back centered. It. It really is tremendous advice. And I think I always say this too, Haley, like, almost none of your problems, almost none of them exist in the present moment. They're all thinking about the future, the future of the past. There are some things that do happen in the now, but it's like 80 of your worries are not going to happen. So I love that advice. Nick. Nick, what about you? Do you have any. Any gold nuggets that we're giving to you? 

Coach Nick Stoop [1:00:30 - 1:02:29]: Yes, honestly, this is. I'll start with a piece of advice and go from there. You can't pour from an empty cup. And I think if. If coaches are serious about men, like instituting mentorship, first and foremost, if you're going to teach something or do something, I firmly believe you should have the experience, not just the knowledge of, but the experience of it, so that you have the wisdom to be able to connect in doing so. That's the biggest piece. So in finding someone as a coach that you can. You don't have to go hire a mentor. It doesn't have to be something like that, but someone that you can use as your own checks and balances is this way. And I say this because, like, otherwise, it could easily become a dictatorship in the sense of, like, now I'm just gonna project what I think is good mentoring. That's a big difference, right? Huge difference. Because if you haven't had the experience being mentored, experiencing that progression in positive changes, then you. You don't necessarily aren't going to be able to see if those things are working or not necessarily working in that way. So. And also can't pour for an empty cup. As coaches and mentors, making sure we're taking care of ourselves so that we are the best version of ourself in all the moments we're with the people that we're mentoring, coaching, teaching, because ultimately the only thing any of them want to be heard and seen and connected with, and the version of you that shows up is going to be the version that dictates how they experience it, because all of them are looking to you for how it's gonna go or flow. And I think from that perspective, it will help open up and make things more fun. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:02:31 - 1:03:02]: Yeah, I love it. I think we're gonna leave it on that one, because what you just said is pretty strong. The same thing with you, Haley. Like. Like, a lot of this just comes down to the awareness of what we're talking about, like, mentorship. It's funny when you dive into the episode, you're like, oh, this is the topic. And it just expands, like, the universe because there's so much behind it. But if we don't have these conversations, we won't explore, we won't. We won't grow, we won't be able to receive. So that's great. So, Haley, thanks for letting us borrow Nick today. He's a great guest. That was pretty fun. You're welcome. 

Hayley Scamurra [1:03:02 - 1:03:04]: Yeah, he's a. He's a good chatter. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:03:05 - 1:03:59]: No, it was perfect. All right, And. And. And this is what I'll say to everybody. And, Haley, again, we're off to a great start with you, everybody listening. Make sure you keep coming back to our goals. Play hockey. But mentorship in hockey isn't just about teaching drills or winning games. Right? It's about lifting each other up and sharing the experience and shape, shaping great people along the way. I mean, if you feel like you're. You're diving into that, you're probably doing it right. There's a lot of practical advice and thoughts today, and we can continue that discussion anytime, audience, if you want. But I have to say this, too. If you want to learn more about the mentorship community that these two are running, the Pro athlete experience, check out the link in our show notes. It's a powerful resource for young players that are looking for support, inspiration, and guidance. You got a full hour preview of what that looks like today. And. And look, there's a reason that we brought Haley and Nick on the show. It's not, obviously, not just because of your amazing resume as a hockey player, but because of your work in this space. Right? 

Hayley Scamurra [1:03:59 - 1:03:59]: The. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:03:59 - 1:04:11]: The whole purpose of the Our Kids Play Hockey Network is to provide that communication, that conversation, that mentorship, that community, just like you're doing, which is why, Haley, you're such a wonderful fit. Nick, I'm not leaving you out. She's the co host. Okay, buddy. That's good. 

Coach Nick Stoop [1:04:13 - 1:04:24]: When I heard about this, I was so, so happy and excited. And obviously, I'm grateful to be invited on as a guest. And anytime you ever want to continue these conversations? I'd always loved. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:04:24 - 1:05:31]: Hey, we've had reoccurring guests. Don't worry, that's your lady there. But we'll do it. But listen, that's gonna do it for this edition of our Girls Play Hockey. Remember, if you have any questions, comments, thoughts, if an episode idea, if you want to ask us a question, Haley, a question? Anybody? Nick2email us us@teamourkidsplayhockey.com it is always us that replies. And remember, there's a link in the show notes. If you tap that, you'll actually text to us. Just let us know your name and where you're from. It doesn't automatically tell us that and we'll we'll talk about it in a future episode. But for Nick, for Haley, I'm Lee. This has been another great episode of our Girls Play Hockey. We'll see you on the next one. Skate on. Have fun. Take care, everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right right now. If you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kids playhockey.com also make sure to check out our children's book when hockey stops at when hockeystops.com it's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode. Sa.