The Top 5 Mistakes Hockey Parents Make In The Summer (And How to Avoid Them)

Lee MJ Elias [0:07 - 1:14]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world. And welcome back to another edition of our Kids Play Hockey. You know, I listened to an episode which I rarely do the other day and I heard myself do that was a little ridiculous, but I still enjoy doing it that way. So I'm going to keep doing it that way. But today, look, summertime and the living's easy. That's kind of where we're at right now during the summer, recording this episode, early summer. But I'm going to tell all of you right now, this episode that we're recording today is one of those throughout the year, you should listen to this because it's going to give you good reminders whether you're approaching summer in the summer, at the end of summer in the season. Today's episode is the top five mistakes hockey parents make in the summer and how to avoid them. Like, look, summer really is a golden opportunity to rest and regrow. But for some kids, it's also an opportunity to develop some skills and work on some things. But a lot of mistakes can be made this time of year. So today we're gonna break them down and also give you some alternatives. Here's what you should probably do instead of A, B, C or D or E because there's five of them. But let me bring in my favorite co host in the world, Christy Casciano. Burns, Mike Benelli. Got the gang back together. Christy, it's good to see you. I mean that. 

Christie Casciano [1:14 - 1:15]: Yes, it's good to be back. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:16 - 1:16]: Good to have you back. 

Christie Casciano [1:16 - 2:13]: Busy couple of weeks in the newsroom. So it's nice to be back here and talking about my fashion, hockey and aki kids. We love it. This is such a great topic, Lee. And I love that you started off saying summertime and the living is easy because I think number one mistake over scheduling parents just cram too much in for the summer. We gotta keep the kids busy. We need to get their skills up to speed. We don't want them to fall behind. So we gotta put them in this clinic, this training camp, one on one sessions, and before you know it, the summer's over and you didn't have any time to enjoy it with your family and you're missing out on creating great memories. I think that's the number one mistake. Now, all parents, but some parents make, particularly sports parents, over scheduling their kids during the summertime and missing the chance to really live easy. Yeah, right. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:13 - 4:20]: Yeah. Travel, go do vacations, go do different things. You know, like I always say this, that, that, you know, one, two, maybe Three well timed hockey camps throughout the summer. And I mean, one week can work for you. All right? There's nothing wrong with that, especially if your kids asking for it. But I know people who do clinic after clinic after clinic, and it's. It is just too much. Again, for the audience's sake, we are usually talking U12, U14 when we're. And down when we're doing these episodes again. If you're older than that, you know, if a kid's driving themselves and they want to go skate, that. That's a different world that you're living in. That's why we're talking about parents. But yeah, six camps in eight weeks is insane. And we see people do that. And. And you said it, Christie. Most hockey teams really do start skating in August for the regular season. Like the summer first off isn't as long as you think, right? For most. For most hockey families, realistically, it's. It's two. Two months, two and a half months before you're really in it. And if you don't take those breaks, man, it's gonna hurt. So like I said, one to two, maybe three camps throughout the summer. One of the things that I do and Mike, we can bring in on this too, is my family. When the kids love it. We do a lot of public session skating. We do a lot of stick and pucks where I'm not really running drills. You know, I was just, honestly just out skating with the kids yesterday, and they just love chasing me. And again from. I'm turning to coach mine, not dad mine. But look, I'm an adult. Two younger kids chasing me. It's actually pretty good for their skating, right? Because they have to keep up. I can skate faster than right now. And then weaving in and out of, you know, carefully in and out of people at the public session. There's a lot of skills that can be built there. I'm not saying power skating or edge work isn't important, but keep it fun. Stick and puck. I let them go out there, we might do a couple maybe control things. But most of the time I say, hey, what do you want? What do you want to do? What? What do you want to work on? Also new gear, right? Kids got new skates. Go try out your new skates. There's no fear, there's no pressure, but. But keep it light in the summer, right? Two or three camps, is it? Mike, you have anything to weigh in on that? 

Mike Bonelli [4:21 - 5:41]: Yeah, no, I mean, it's. It's an odd. I don't know, it's an odd conversation because we talk about moderation all the time, right? So summer is just another level of moderation. Like, we shouldn't be doing all this over scheduling and all the crazy stuff in the winter either. I mean, so it's like one way. I mean, I think we get, you know, we're all talking to hockey people, right? But right now, there's probably a bunch of baseball people in full swing ready to go. I mean, they're in the thick of their season, right? Or. Or wherever the part of the country you're in, you know, depending on the sport you're in. But if you're a hockey player and you're a hockey family that just skated, like you just said August until, you know, March or April, you're good. Spring, and then, you know, maybe you're a championship team and you went through the end of May or whatever it is. It is moderation. It's pick and choose. Try to figure out, you know, where you want to go, get the best return on your investment. And I think a lot of us have to really look at our kids, too, and say, what am I sending my player to camp for? Are they going there for skill development and improvement? Are they going there for fun? Like, is it just. Do I. Am I using hockey camp as a supplement to my traditional town day camp, or am I going to hockey camp for a specific reason? So those are things you just got to take in consideration because there is a big difference between day camp hockey and, you know, clinic, all in learning something. Hockey. 

Lee MJ Elias [5:42 - 5:43]: Very true. 

Mike Bonelli [5:43 - 5:46]: You know, I think you have to think about that as you break down your summer, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [5:46 - 6:02]: And again, I send my kids to. To a week long, it's a full day kind of hockey camp. But it's so fun. The coaches totally understand what they're doing, and it's just ice time. And there is some instruction, but they make it super duper fun. I think that's a big part of it. 

Christie Casciano [6:02 - 6:43]: And I. I did the same with my kids. It was just a week and just a blast because they wouldn't just do drills on the ice, but they did a lot of fun. They put beach balls out on the ice, they take the kids outside. They do, you know, driveway hockey. Just so much fun. And that's. And you know why it's fun and how you can tell. You just sit there in the stands and you listen and you hear just the kids laughing and having a ball and, you know, ribbing each other. And then you know that you're doing the right thing because you mostly hear laughter instead of, you know, screaming and yelling. And why did you miss the puck and all that? It's just light and fun. 

Mike Bonelli [6:44 - 7:09]: Well, if you're really lucky, you're getting, you're getting the local high school or have kids home from college that played hockey as instructors. And they're not even like jaded or bitter yet. So they're like, like, I love being out here because they're having fun. So when they're having just like anything, they're having fun. Your kids are having fun. Like, you don't see, you don't see 19 year old drill sergeants. I mean, guys like you guys, you know, they're just having, they're like, this is summer, buddy. Just have some fun. Enjoy yourself. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:09 - 9:16]: They haven't spent their life savings yet on their children. That's right. Look, I'll say this too. Yeah. The other fear I think sometimes this will, this will go throughout the whole episode is while they have to get on the ice because they're going to lose their skills. Look, touch points, people, touch points. Okay, first off, if they get a little rusty, that rust will come off within two weeks of the season starting. If they do nothing, if you're just on the ice every once in a while, they're not going to lose too much skill. All right, again, this is all part of growing up. It actually leads perfectly into our next topic, mistake number two, which is ignoring off ice skills and the physical literacy. Now what do we mean by that? Because that sounds contradictory to what I said. Incorrect. Essentially, you got to play other sports. Mike, Mike said this perfectly about baseball. If you're skating 24 7, but you can't throw or run or jump. All right. Or do any of those things, it's a mistake. Kids need a multi sport foundation. I feel like we talk about this on at least 20 episodes a year. Right? So incorporate other sports. Soccer, swimming, climbing, biking, baseball, basketball, whatever you want. Also, and I always say this, I think this is always left out in these conversations, other interests. It doesn't have to be sports, music, writing, art, creative things. Right. Those are equally as important, I think, in expanding your mind in that creativity. I think a big. And we'll do a whole episode of this in the future. One of the big mistakes. Oh, kids have to play multiple sports. So now Your kid plays 55 sports, but they do nothing creative. And we're having a creativity IQ problem in sports. Well, where do you think the arts or. I'm sorry, where do you think the creative stuff comes from? The arts All Right. So. So I always encourage people to find something else like that. But mistake number two is, is not letting your kids do anything other. I think this one's not as big as the other four that we're talking about. I think most parents do let their kids play multiple sports. Right? So it's just about not putting all the onus on. We got to get this done so we can get to hockey. We got to get that done to go to hockey. Or don't play hockey while you're playing the other sports. That's also a mistake. Gang your thoughts? 

Mike Bonelli [9:16 - 9:17]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [9:18 - 9:44]: I saw my kids grow and thrive when they did other sports. And then when they returned to hockey, it was interesting to watch them pick up skills that they learned from those other sports, whether it be speed or stick handling or just even hand eye coordination. It's really impressive to see. And, you know, they got that from trying something different and be more creative in those other sports or activities. 

Mike Bonelli [9:44 - 11:40]: Yeah, Yeah. I think the problem is too, we all think our kids are hockey players. Like, maybe they are the other sport. Like maybe the sport that they are good at and should be playing is the other sport. So you don't even know that until you do it. And the fact is, you know, I mean, the, the truth and the reality is more and more and more, we're seeing it every year. Every year as these kids grow through there, more kids are becoming more specialized. That's just a fact. So your kid, like, so I, I would actually push back on the fact that your kid has to play multiple sports. The, the statistics are showing you don't have to play multiple sports. You could, you could literally focus on just hockey. But guess what? That's one out of a million kids. And it's, and it is the one kid that can do it. Like, we all see the great athlete that never plays another sport and you put them in tennis and they're the best tennis player because they're the best athlete. They're just better than everyone else. Like, so. Yeah, so you don't. So I, I would almost push back. I would tell all parents, if you think your son is an NHL hockey player and prodigy, do not play other sports. Play hockey all the time. Train, stick, camp, skateboard, do put all your eggs in that basket. If you are the one. And you'll know this great one if you're the one. Right. You'll know it. You're probably the, you know, you're probably the five foot three parents with the overweight kid. You know, as a teenage years, he's gonna make it. So put him in the best place to be. So again, I would push back on. You don't have to play multiple sports. You don't have to be well versed. You don't have to have a lot of, a lot of other artsy background stuff. Screw all that. Put all your eggs in the basket if that's the one. But, but just be aware if it isn't the one. You've just created, you know, a really unstable, unstable, you know, body of an athlete that. Well, I don't even call them an athlete because somebody that's just gonna end their career at 17 and say, hey, I'm done with hockey, move on to the next thing. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:40 - 11:51]: For our audience west of the Mississippi, we'd like to introduce you to east coast sarcasm as brought to you by Mike Benelli. Just in case any of you thought he was being super serious and he, he kind of half is. That's the funny part. 

Mike Bonelli [11:52 - 11:55]: I am being serious. All the kids that play hockey right now play hockey. 

Lee MJ Elias [11:55 - 12:06]: Well, here's how I'm gonna push back to you. I just watched the NHL draft and you know what they said, Christy, Mike, this young man also potentially going to be drafted in the NFL. This young man also potentially a baseball player. 

Mike Bonelli [12:06 - 12:24]: Right? But at that draft it was like the 1% of the 1%. Like so those. You're abso. Right. But we all can't think our kid is that kid. Like the fact everybody thinks their kid is that kid. Listen, I've, I've literally had conversations with people the last three months that their kids are getting drafted like literally every night. 

Lee MJ Elias [12:24 - 12:29]: That's right. Those com. Freak me out. They freak me out. I've had Those with, with 10 year olds. Parents. 

Mike Bonelli [12:29 - 13:20]: No, I'm talking about, I'm talking about 18 year olds right now. People I know in my circle. Yep, right. This is it. And then where are they? Round one, two, three, four, five, six. I think there was seven rounds this year. Crickets. Right, so. And they're great, they're great hockey players. I mean, these people are the best of the best. And, but, but I'm saying in our conversation, mistake number two, literacy. A lot of us, a lot of it is physical literacy is already inbred into their body. Like it's them, it's the kid. The fact is kids are. If you're gonna make it at a certain level in anything, you have to be great. There's something in there that has to be make you great. So I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying be careful of being thinking your kid is the one kid. 

Lee MJ Elias [13:21 - 13:21]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [13:21 - 13:22]: That doesn't need to do it. 

Christie Casciano [13:23 - 13:24]: Well, Right. 

Mike Bonelli [13:24 - 13:25]: I'm off that. Sorry. 

Lee MJ Elias [13:25 - 13:57]: I'll say this as a final note, Mike, you're bringing up another topic here, but I will. I will say this, that, look, parents, if your kid does not have that drive that they want to do everything, number one, it's not going to happen. Number two is we have to say this on the show all the time. You have to assume there's more to life than just hockey. Even if your kid is going to be drafted in the NHL, there's more to life than that. And I think being well rounded is something that can. Your youth is the most important time to do that. 

Christie Casciano [13:58 - 13:58]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [13:58 - 14:17]: Because, Mike, to your point, I've met a lot of hockey players who only identified as hockey. They didn't get drafted, and they are lost. And I'll be honest with you, that's one of my biggest fears as a parent. Not so much with hockey, but it's. I don't want my kids to just think that, oh, I'm a hockey player, I'm a goalie, I'm this. You're a lot of things, kids, all right? And I want you to be able to see that. 

Christie Casciano [14:18 - 14:32]: Yeah, my kids always were really good at distinguishing their identities. They played hockey, you know, that's how they were. Oh, we play hockey. They don't say, I'm a hockey player. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:32 - 14:33]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [14:33 - 14:51]: Because they did other sports, too. And now that they don't have hockey in their lives, they still have a passion and love for it, and they watch the draft, they watch the games, and, you know, and they still go skating. It's still a part of their lives, but it's not their identity. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:51 - 15:01]: Well, and my favorite thing with your kids, Christy, is when you run our guests by them and they go, you got who on the show? That's amazing. Those are my. That's how I gauge me questions. 

Christie Casciano [15:01 - 15:08]: Make sure you ask them this. I love that I sound so smart, like I know all about them as I just go to my kids. 

Mike Bonelli [15:08 - 15:11]: That's great that Christy gets that. I. My kids say, you're on. You're on a show. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:11 - 15:13]: You do what podcasting is. 

Mike Bonelli [15:14 - 15:16]: What have you been doing? What have you been doing? 

Christie Casciano [15:16 - 15:22]: I have street cred now. Especially when we have guests on and they're so impressed by who we have. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:22 - 15:23]: That's why we're here, Christy. 

Christie Casciano [15:23 - 15:29]: To give you credit, my son was going crazy when he looked at our guest list, and he Said, oh, my. 

Mike Bonelli [15:29 - 15:30]: Gosh. 

Lee MJ Elias [15:32 - 16:28]: As a tease for our whole audience, just wait till you see some of the names we have coming on this season. But bringing up, Bringing this one back home, look, I would say that I am someone who's obsessed with. With this game, right? It's. It's what I do professionally. It's my whole life. And Christy, you made a great point. That help will help us segue into the next mistake is that I have to check myself with my kids and remember that, look, I'm obsessed. They may be, but I. I can't put that on them. That's on them to discover. And Mike, you said this, too. When they're playing other sports. I remember when my son started playing baseball. Keeping in mind my son's a goalie. I remember thinking, oh, this will really help his glove hand in hockey. And I almost told him that. And I'm really glad I stopped short of saying it because I didn't want him to think you're only playing baseball to get your glove hand better for hockey. Now, to be fair, he did discover that on his own. And did bringing up to me. Bring it up to me after last season. But I didn't want him to think, because maybe he'll love baseball. Maybe he'll love that game more than hockey. 

Mike Bonelli [16:29 - 16:44]: And I wonder if parents look at their kid, if their kids turn around and say, hey, dad, you know that, that passing drill we did the other day? I'm going to be a really much better shuffleboard player this summer. Like, I gotta imagine, like, how come hockey people don't say, like, how come the hockey skill doesn't help something else? 

Lee MJ Elias [16:45 - 18:10]: Right? Well, it's. And that's the obsession. That's the obsession. But. And again, the perceived value of how much money we put into it, I think sometimes, too, is that we got to get better at this. But I'm going to say it again. I have to check myself. That's a mistake. If I say it to him sometimes, right? I can think it, but I got to check myself. And look. That brings us to mistake number three is forgetting to let the kids be kids. You know, when I was growing up, when you were growing up, the summers were magical. These magical time when you weren't in school, all the great movies, the sandlot, all of these things take place in the summer. If everything becomes training in the summer, we're letting them down. It can't be training. They need the break. They need to explore. They need to relax. They need to reset. I. I say this all the time. You two convinced me a few years ago not to play spring hockey. To date, one of the best decisions my family has ever made with my kids at their current age. They're currently 11 and nine now. Okay, that. That will probably change in the future when they want to do it. But, man, they come to me every year around now, around late June, early July. When can we get back on the ice? I want to play. It is the most refreshing thing I can hear as a coach and as their dad. All right. And again, what can you do instead? Let them go play backyard hockey, street games, beach days, other sports, Go with friends. Go get a Slurpee. Have some fun. It's the summertime people. 

Christie Casciano [18:11 - 18:59]: Well said. Well said. Yeah, you do have to guard against burnout, and that's a real thing. Because even if you look at some of the studies that have been done recently, kids are walking away at age 13 from sports in hockey, and some are quitting at 13 because it feels like a job. It doesn't feel like fun. It's not anything that they really want to continue to do because there's too much pressure on them. And I think a lot of that comes from the parents pushing, pushing, pushing. Got to do this, got to be here, got to be in this clinic. Got to do off ice training. It's too much for kids. And in the summers, a great, great time to just let them have some fun. Go get that Slurpee or a twist is my favorite. 

Lee MJ Elias [18:59 - 19:00]: That's right. 

Christie Casciano [19:00 - 19:03]: If you're a rink owner, ice cream. 

Mike Bonelli [19:03 - 19:08]: If you're a rink. If you're a rink owner out there, probably put the Slurpee machine at the rink because we. 

Lee MJ Elias [19:08 - 19:10]: That's a good call, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [19:10 - 19:31]: You need to bring. You need to bring people into your building. So I would say that, you know, so. So, yes, forgetting and letting kids be kids. But I think as a parent and as an organization, you can work with both and say, listen, we. We want, like, the focus in our summer programs, and we do have ice has to be paid for. Just like Lee talked about. You could go to public sessions. You can go to sticks and pots. 

Lee MJ Elias [19:31 - 19:32]: Stick and pucks are powerful on that. 

Mike Bonelli [19:32 - 21:04]: You can stop. You could supplement your training or your. Your fun, your summer fun. And listen, there's nothing better. Depending on what part of the country you're in. There's nothing better than spending a day at a pool all day and then going to a hockey clinic at night. It is like, it's beaut. It's like you get in the rank. It's like oh, the weather's, it's perfect, right? You get that nice cooling rink. You know, no matter how hard you're gonna work at 7 o' clock, it's still a great feeling to get in the rink. And it's even better when you leave the ring because now you're, now you're, you know, you're sweaty and cold and now you get back in the heat again. So it's just, there's a lot of, there's a lot of benefits for both. But I think that part of beat letting your kids be kids is where, you know, people have to have some facts, like, or just look at the facts that, you know your son or daughter is going to fall behind. They are like, compared to the kid that's skating every day. But Lee's point I, in my, in my observations is true that by the end, by the second week of September, they've caught up. Like, you'll even be like, this kid went to power skating class all summer. Like, why they're not, didn't get better because who knows if they even put the effort into getting better. Like they were just there going through the motions. So I think it's a lot of that. Let your kids be kids. Let them rejuvenate, let them recharge. They will catch up. But in the moment when you look, you're gonna say, oh, my God, that my teammate went from this to this to this. And they are better than my kid right now. They're better. And that's so, I mean, it, it's hard. That's, that's got to be one of the hardest things is letting your kids be kids while other people aren't. 

Lee MJ Elias [21:04 - 21:59]: Well, it's all about bounce. All right? And again, Mike, this goes back to what you said. Some kids are just athletes, right? They can just hop back in. I know kids, you know, 10, 11 year old, 10, 11 year olds who want to play all the time. And I, I don't think there's anything wrong with that if the kid is asking for it. All right? I think the big overarch of this whole thing is does your kid want to do it? Are you making them do it? You know, the, the 11 year old that wants to play spring league and summer league and be on the ice all the time, if as long as you're not on top of them. I'm not saying that's incorrect. What I'm saying is the guy who goes, well, you need to work on your skating. So I'm going to put you in five clinics That's a little weird to me. All right, I'm going to say this, too. You mentioned it. I cannot, you know, I cannot recommend enough. Assuming you have this in your area. Stick and puck, all right? Or just public session. Just get out there and let them skate. Let them have fun. Let them touch a puck. If you don't have stick and puck, there's so many off ice things you can use to just go rollerblade in your front yard. 

Christie Casciano [21:59 - 21:59]: And. 

Lee MJ Elias [21:59 - 22:11]: And to me, that's part of it. Let them just go rollerblade out in the driveway, out on the street and just have fun. It doesn't have to be super structured. Let the kids be kids. That's the tip on that one. Okay. 

Christie Casciano [22:11 - 22:16]: Even if your kid is asking for it all the time, you still have to be the parent. 

Lee MJ Elias [22:16 - 22:16]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [22:16 - 22:42]: And I think I've said this before. I mean, sure, my kids would eat ice cream sundaes every night for dinner, but it's not good for them. So you have to step in and be the parent. Say, okay, we're taking a break, right? We're going to just get away from the rink for a week. We're going on vacation. We're just going to put our toes in the sand. We're going to swim. We're going to have fun. We're getting away from the rink for a week. I think that's important to give them that break, too, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [22:42 - 22:54]: And then even if they're asking not to adversely to your point, because, like, there's another side to this too, right? Which is when we say let kids be kids, that does not mean let them play video games eight hours a day. 

Christie Casciano [22:54 - 22:54]: There you go. 

Lee MJ Elias [22:54 - 23:26]: Because that's easier to do, right? Get them up and get them moving. So I'm saying it's. It's balanced. That's the key of what we're trying to say here. It can't be all sitting at home eating chocolate bars, playing video games, and it can't be 24, seven at the rink. You've got to find balance. Mike. I think, by the way, a Slurpee or a Slushy inside a rink might be the best environment for those drinks to. To survive. Well, I don't know if you guys have ever been to the places, but I see sometimes in a hot area, don't they, don't. They don't do well. So they don't work. They don't work half the time. But in a nice rink, that's a perfect temperature. 

Mike Bonelli [23:26 - 23:30]: And for you kids out there, do not eat the Ice from the Zamboni. It's disgusting. 

Christie Casciano [23:30 - 23:31]: Oh, my gosh. 

Mike Bonelli [23:32 - 23:37]: You think it's just ice. You think it's sh. If you think it's shaved ice, but it's not. There's st. And. 

Lee MJ Elias [23:37 - 23:41]: Oh, yeah, Yeah, A lot of done that. Boogers. Yeah, Well, a lot. 

Mike Bonelli [23:41 - 23:46]: I've seen kids climbing on. On. On snow piles in the summer, and I'm like, get off. That's. 

Christie Casciano [23:46 - 23:48]: Oh, my gosh. I've never seen that. 

Lee MJ Elias [23:48 - 23:50]: So. And again, don't do that. 

Mike Bonelli [23:50 - 23:57]: Well, never. It's always snowing in Syracuse, so, I mean, I can. But in the summer. In the summer, it does get cold. It does get warm in other places. 

Lee MJ Elias [23:57 - 24:14]: I say, christy, I'm going to give a shout out to my wife on what you just said, too. You know, I said, I'm obsessed with the game. I love the game. I have no problem admitting that. But even my wife will say in the summers, especially in the summer, not so much in the regular season, but, like, no, we're gonna go and visit family that weekend. Yeah, but there's a game. We're gonna go and visit family that weekend. All right? 

Mike Bonelli [24:14 - 24:15]: And. 

Lee MJ Elias [24:15 - 26:28]: And she's very good at reminding me that. And. And, you know, again, my immediate. My immediate mental response is, but hockey. And I have to go, no, man, that's not. That's not correct. It's not a correct response. So. So God bless Janet, for my wife, for doing that. She's very good. All right? And. And during the regular season, she's a warrior. She's a warrior. Getting the kids with me to the games. We have to divide and conquer. That's another episode. All right, Mistake number four, everybody listening. This is probably the biggest, most important mistake on here. I wouldn't say these are necessarily in order to. Okay, but this one, kids feel it, parents feel it, coaches feel it. And it's obsessing over next season too early. This is a common one. All right, don't think about line combos. Coaches, parents, kids. Don't do that to yourself. Tryouts, if they haven't happened for some reason, statistics in July is a ridiculous thing to be thinking about. All right? I always say this. Look to the future, reflect on the past, but live where your skates are. Live right now in the present moment. You do not need to be putting pressure on your kids for next season. Right now. First off, it's in one ear and out the other if you're doing that. All right? Second of all, they don't need to be thinking in July about line combinations or Starting or backup goaltenders in the summertime, they just don't need to be thinking about that. Okay. What you should do instead, focus on today. Build confidence, curiosity, a love for the game. You can definitely build on a love for the game at any point during the year. Okay. Coaches will notice when the season starts. And get this. We've been saying this for five years. Put your kid in the best position to succeed, hopefully right on the ice at the start of the season. All right? Now, again, as a coach, we should be taking breaks too, Mike. But we might be projecting a little bit. But even coaches, we know it doesn't matter until we get on the ice because if the kid gets out there and he hasn't skated all summer at all and has been playing Fortnite, that kid might not be top line at the start of the year, but hopefully they're not doing that. But Mike, I'm gonna throw this one to you because as, as. Look, you and I obsess over the game year round, but we can't be doing it too early, if you know what I mean, with the kids, with the game. Don't obsess over next season. Too early. 

Mike Bonelli [26:31 - 26:39]: Yeah, I'm obsessing over next season already now. So, I mean, it is hard. It's, it's. If you're a co. Well, we're talking about parents here, right? 

Lee MJ Elias [26:39 - 26:42]: Yeah. Yes, yes. It's our job to look at. 

Mike Bonelli [26:42 - 27:01]: Just ignore Lee. That's just. It is where. Unless you're coaching, you're a parent coaching your own kid. But I think, but you know, if you're coaching, you're probably obsessed about where your team is always like. And you talk to most coaches, they win a championship and they're like, holy crap, how am I going to win another championship? Like, how am I gonna, how am I gonna now rebuild this team? 

Lee MJ Elias [27:01 - 27:03]: I still think coaches need the break, Mike. I'm not gonna say. 

Mike Bonelli [27:04 - 29:37]: But, but, but, but breaks make their. Coaches make their breaks. They, they, they know how to. Hopefully good coaches know how to take those mental breaks and. Right. You can't just shut down. But if you're a parent and you're obsessing over next season and you're obsessing over the fact that, oh my God, did you hear? Little Johnny's not coming back. Like, who's gonna play on the left wing? Like, oh my God, who's, you know, our second string goalie, he's no good. So what are we going to do? So we got to out recruit that kid. And how do we get rid of him. All this kind of stuff goes through your head as a parent, and you're. And you're like, oh, it's like, you know, it's June, it's July, it's August, It's. You can't start obsessing about, you know, next season and where you fit in. You might want to obsess a little bit about, like, oh, my God, they're gonna. These guys are gonna have a Thanksgiving tournament, and I usually go away for Thanksgiving, so how am I going to approach that? But again, it can't be. It can't be at, you know, Mach 3, every single time you have a conversation about hockey in the summer, it's got to be more about, okay, you know, so the pros and cons, right, of having tryouts in April and May, as opposed to when I grew up, which tryouts were in September. You know, you walk to the rink and like, hey, who's this kid? I don't know. He's trying out, first time, step on the ice. Never. Nobody's ever seen him. But now, because you made your team in April, I guess it leads to us obsessing about the next year, because the year never really ends then, like, at least, you know, back in the day, like a lot of our parents might remember in new sports, like, the sport started at a tryout when the season started, and then you got onto your team, right? So you didn't have time to obsess. You just made the team and you played. Now you make the team, and then they give you this gap to obsess about, and then you come back. But. So I think it's more about, relax, have some fun. You don't. Don't worry about where, you know, where your hockey rankings are going to be in September and who you're playing. But that. But again, that's easier said than done. And I think it all depends on the level you're playing. If you're. I think we say it a lot on this episode on these shows that, you know, if you're listening to this, you're probably on the side of sanity more than insanity. Like, if you're taking. If you're listening to this and using this as a. As a way for you to guide yourself through youth hockey, you're most likely not the person who's not listening to it because you're on a plane every weekend going to another state for games. So take your time. It's all going to come. It's all going to come through. You don't have to worry about it until you're 19, when you have to, you know, maybe you got obsessed about the season because of contract negotiations, but right now you don't just enjoy it. 

Christie Casciano [29:37 - 30:54]: Yeah, we see this with kids at the end of the school year too. I just had a conversation with a mom. Her son was freaking out and his school year, oh, my gosh, I don't like the teacher. Next year, my friend is going to be in the same classroom. It's going to be a different school. And there's all this anxiety and she's trying to, you know, talk him off the ledge. It's going to be okay. So it's very, very similar to that. You just got to apply the same principles. When the kids get all, you know, bent out of shape about not knowing about next, just relax. Tell them it's just like school, you know, it's going to be. You had a great time this last school year, and you didn't know any of the kids. In the beginning of the year, you had a new teacher. That's part of life change. And sometimes you just have to anticipate that you're not always going to know what's going to happen. And that's kind of the exciting thing about life. And sometimes the things work out even for the better. You know, you, you get into a new school year, you make new friends. You're the teacher you get as a new teacher, but you love that teacher. Same thing with hockey. Those new experiences are going to help you grow. You know, you just. So you just got to calm the kids down. 

Lee MJ Elias [30:55 - 31:00]: I gotta say, Christy, you said that in such a perfect, motherly way. And I mean, that is a compliment. 

Christie Casciano [31:00 - 31:02]: Yeah, I know. I've been through it. 

Lee MJ Elias [31:02 - 31:33]: You're like, that sounds like my mom. So it'll be okay. It's gonna be o. Listen again. Look to the future. There's nothing wrong with looking there. But don't live. Yeah. Don't live in the future. Live in the moment. Right. I would say look to the future, reflect on your past and live in the moment. Because the work to create the future takes place now. Right. If you're living in the future and not doing the work right now, it's gonna. It's a self fulfilling prophecy at that point. 

Christie Casciano [31:33 - 31:34]: Right? 

Lee MJ Elias [31:34 - 31:36]: Right. So don't obsess. 

Christie Casciano [31:36 - 31:43]: Did you get that with your kids? The end of the school year, oh my gosh. What's going to happen next year? Who's going to be my teacher? What's the school going to be? 

Lee MJ Elias [31:43 - 32:18]: You know, because our school District does a really good job. So actually, it's a great point. My son's going from fifth to sixth. So in our district, that's going from elementary to middle school. A new school, right. Brand new school. Which when I was a kid, was terrifying. Yes, terrifying. You just showed up. So they do this thing where they have my kid go to the middle school. All the sixth graders welcome them. All the fifth graders go. It's called unity day. They do this huge introduction, and my son was like, I'm ready to go to middle school. This will be great. And he goes, dad, what was your unity day like? I'm like, son, we didn't have that. You showed up and hoped an eighth grader didn't beat you up. That's what it was, right? 

Mike Bonelli [32:18 - 32:22]: My unity day was, watch out, don't get locked in a locker. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:22 - 32:25]: Yeah. Don't get beat up. Every 80s dork movie that you ever saw. 

Mike Bonelli [32:26 - 32:28]: I don't think the kids even get lockers anymore. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:28 - 32:40]: I don't know if that they get lockers. But I'll tell you what, one thing I have noticed. And look, kids will be kids. I'm not saying kids can't be nasty to each other, but the environment, at least from my perspective, is. Is much less harsh than what I was growing up. 

Christie Casciano [32:40 - 32:40]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:41 - 36:02]: So, yeah, no, it's all online. My kids, part of this is growing up too, but they were excited about camp, so they kind of do that now. Again, I also preach this be present stuff to them all the time. Maybe that is paying off. Maybe not. I don't know. They're still kids. All right, the last mistake. Mistake number five. All right. Another important one is neglecting mental and emotional wellness. Now, again, Mike says it too. Christy says it too. If you're listening to the show, we love you. Right? Because. Because you are always trying to get better. We're always trying to get better. The show is a living documentary of going through youth hockey. But summer can be a time where your kids might internalize pressure or, and this is one, it's a sticking point. Lose motivation or seem to lose motivation. Right. That's normal. What you should do instead is if you're thinking this is happening, don't throw them in 15 more clinics. Have a conversation. Talk to them. Ask them. Most importantly, listen. All right, One of the things I like to do an activity with my kids is, hey, why don't you write out some. Some of your goals? I might get some eye rolls from that. My kids do it. This is what I would do. And it's not. I tell them, don't write what you think I want to hear. Right, whatever you want to hear. I will say real quick, my son at his fifth grade graduation got up on that microphone. He goes, my name is Logan Elias and I want to be an NHL goaltender. Which I did. I did not tell him to say, but I was like, everybody looked at me, I was like, all right, have a conversation with your kids. You got to really monitor their well being in the summertime. If you want to get into stuff, you can do like light mental fitness tools, visualization, gratitude. I set a goal setting at age appropriate levels. But be mindful of their mindset. Summers move quick and they don't have the structure of school. Every kid is in a different summer situation. You know, there's parents I know out there can't afford summer camp and the kids are home all the time. There's a lot of different situations in the summertime that come up. So just, just, just make sure you, you mind their emotions. Talk to them, make sure they're not sitting alone too long. Have those conversations. It's a great time of year to build up some of that mental toughness. One quick tip for me before I throw it to you two. One of the things I've started doing, because we've done a study here again, that kids never listen to their parents, but they listen to everybody else. Even if your dad is a hockey coach, right, Mike? One of the things I've started doing is I get a lot of motivational videos on my feed, my social feed. I always say, my social feed's a wonderful place. It's not horrid with fear. It's just a lot of great videos. I've started showing them those videos because I make the mistake of just watching and scrolling and not sharing anything. I show them some of these videos and say, hey, what do you think of that? I'm amazed by their answers again. Just today I was showing them a video of a young lady who is a speed skater, a rollerblades inline speed skater and she falls down at the beginning of the race and as you would tell, gets up and wins the race. And I said, what do you think it took for her to do that? And they were talking about, well, she just dug deep and she found found way to do it. And you know, she obviously has the skills. Like they came up with these on their own, right? That's a way of teaching emotional and mental fitness of them seeing it. So I wouldn't underestimate the stuff you see online. Share it share great videos with your kids. If anything, it gets them off the Minecraft videos and the YouTube videos and whatever they're watching. But again, don't neglect their mental and emotional wellness in the summer. It accidentally happens more than you think, Christy. 

Mike Bonelli [36:03 - 36:03]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [36:03 - 37:18]: Conversation's so important. You start at a young age. We used to have the best conversations on our car rides. You know, they would just open up my kids and just talk about whatever was on their mind. And what's beautiful is that that kind of relationship is still present. You know, my son lives in Boston now, and he was here this weekend, and I could tell he was a little tense. So we did what we did when he was a kid. We pulled out the hockey net. He just kind of got his frustrations out. Then we sat in the driveway in the shade, and he just opened up about things that were going on in his life, and it was felt like just like when he was a kid and those hockey car rides, when we would just talk about stuff, school and friends and family and career goals, and it was pretty cool. So you start that communication with your kid when they're little, and as they become adults, it's very easy. It's just. It's just so natural, and it's really special. So now's the time to start building those relationships with the kids where they feel like they can open up to you. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:18 - 37:19]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [37:19 - 37:20]: And just talk. 

Mike Bonelli [37:21 - 37:29]: Yeah. And, like, for me, it's. It's. It's funny because, like, for my younger guy like this, I get to spend actually more time in the car with him in the summer because I'm driving them to summer camp. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:29 - 37:30]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [37:30 - 39:40]: Like, so, like. And it's in the morning, so there's not a lot of noise going on. Like, it's not. There's not a lot of. You know, it's like, I don't even want to be in the car with you right now. But it's. But it's just a long enough window where you could ask little questions about, oh, what do you. You know, what do you plan on doing? What are you. What are we trying to do? You know, I. I always. I do definitely sneak in, like, the training stuff. Like, what are we. When are we gonna schedule this? Like. Like, are we gonna be doing this? Like, I know you, you know, go swimming every day and go play tennis and go play golf and do whatever you want to do, but, like. And not. And I don't think about those things as you're doing those to get better at hockey. I think about them as just Go do them. So you're. You're out of the house, right. Then, you know, and I will. And literally, I'm the kind of person at home, like, I'll build anything outside you want. If you want something to play on or a surface or a. A way to hit a ball off a wall, I will go. I will move heaven and earth to do that, to get it. To get you out of the house, like, whatever it takes. Because, you know, we're out of the era of, like. I don't live, like, in a. Like. And I'm very envious of families that live in, like, a cul de sac where kids all go out and they meet, because they. That does happen. Like, there. There are. I just saw. Actually, I just saw a social media thing. Somebody shared me the other day. They thought I'd really love it that these, like, five kids in some Midwestern town are like, we're gonna document our life fishing and. And. And. And fake hunting and, you know, exploring the woods. And people are, like, salivating over these kids because they're, like. They're out and they're doing things that kids should be doing. Like, they're on the. They're on the. The edge of getting hurt. Like, they're on the edge of expl. Exploration, like, you know, unsupervised, except, I guess, with an iPhone and a tracker. But I think they're. I think it's just, you know, but that's really refreshing for somebody like me having that, you know, that. And to me, that is a mental reset. Like, that is seeing your kids, like, say, oh, I'm thinking about everything else but hockey or everything else but the sport that everybody's asking me to be great at. Like, I'm thinking about something that nobody would even imagine I'm thinking about. So it's all really cool. Like, you know, I don't know. Kids don't grow up burning GI Joe figures anymore. Like, that doesn't. 

Christie Casciano [39:40 - 39:40]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [39:40 - 39:57]: No, they don't do that kind of stuff. So you've got to find other ways to let them kind of let their mental stuff happen and, you know, and be. And be happy about it. But I do, like, I like the. Like, for me, the card ride, the car ride. Definitely not for coaching. It's. It's more for, like, bondage. 

Christie Casciano [39:58 - 39:58]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [39:58 - 40:06]: Yeah. Being like, I'm smarter than you, so I think I can get something out of you I need. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:06 - 40:07]: Yeah. 

Christie Casciano [40:07 - 40:11]: It's not awkward. As they get older, it's just so easy to have conversations. 

Mike Bonelli [40:12 - 40:12]: Right. 

Christie Casciano [40:12 - 40:16]: With you because You've been doing that their whole lives, ever since they were little. 

Mike Bonelli [40:16 - 40:17]: You made it normalized. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:17 - 40:44]: Well, you know, one thing I tell. Tell my kids and. And I. I tell my wife this too, is that time in the car. Sometimes that's your time. Like, that's your time with them. So, you know, you know, however you want to utilize it. I mean, and look, sometimes that time is just listening to the radio or music and things like that, but. Right, but that's your time, you know, and just be conscious of that. I don't want to tell anybody what to do with their time. Just be conscious that's. That might be the time with your kids. You got them in a locked. Get them in a Locke talks with you. 

Christie Casciano [40:44 - 40:45]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:45 - 40:53]: You know, you can have conversations. And I'll tell you right now, we talk about the car rides on for coaching during the season. If you really want to piss them off, do it during the summer. 

Christie Casciano [40:53 - 40:54]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [40:54 - 41:09]: Like, they don't need to be hearing that in the summertime at all. But yeah, you know, Mike, and I'll say this too. You know, we talk about the kids outside. Kids don't do that anymore. I do agree with you that it's not happening, but kids still will do that if you present it to them. If you put them out in the. 

Mike Bonelli [41:10 - 41:19]: Well, that was my whole point. That's my point. If you don't find a way, like, if you guys. If you just say, get outside, right. And they're going to be bored for a little bit. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:19 - 41:19]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [41:19 - 41:31]: But kids don't get bored anymore. Like, there's no way to get bored. So you have to kind of create these boring situations for them to say, all right, well, I don't want to be bored anymore. So look, oh, there's a pile of sticks over there. I could do something with that. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:31 - 41:31]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [41:31 - 41:33]: Oh, geez, there's. Whatever. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:33 - 41:37]: Oh, you can prompt them too. You can. Hey, go find five different leaves. 

Mike Bonelli [41:37 - 42:00]: I mean, you know, one of the best. One of the best teaching tools I had for, like, kind of exploring that type of stuff was Covid, because you had to. You. You were. We were stuck at home. And I'm like, listen, I'm gonna. We're gonna kind of invent things to play, right? And I think that. Use that same philosophy, you know, in, In. In a. In a place where you could actually, you know, I guess you could. You could just have your kids get locked in the basement and play video games. 

Christie Casciano [42:01 - 42:13]: I had a. One of my friends dropped off his son. I had to watch him from for a couple Hours. And he was getting bored. And I said, hey, I got 10Amazon delivery boxes out in the garage. Why don't you go build something out of them? 

Lee MJ Elias [42:14 - 42:44]: I love to do that. Yeah. And look, I'll say this to everybody listening, because parents, you know, I know from talking to listeners, sometimes you can judge yourself on stuff. Look, I've also had days where it's like, look, I am not feeling great today. I'm gonna let the kids watch tv and I'm gonna sit around and relax like, every once in a while. That's okay. It's when it becomes habitual. And it's five days a week for several months. That's a major problem. Okay, so, parents, it's okay to take a day and just, oh, my son. 

Mike Bonelli [42:44 - 42:47]: Reminds me all the time, like, yeah, this summer. And this is my mental health day. 

Lee MJ Elias [42:47 - 42:51]: This is my mental health day. Little Benelli step. He must. 

Mike Bonelli [42:51 - 42:56]: All right, all right. It's your mental health day. I'll give you. I'll give you one day. Tomorrow we're cracking the whip. 

Lee MJ Elias [42:56 - 44:20]: It's an active rest day, dad. Yeah, but. Yeah, but look, just closing this out, and this is so true on all of the mistakes, just to review them, because we write things down here. Mistake number one, over scheduling with camps and clinics. Mistake number two, ignoring off my skills and physical literacy again, playing other sports. Mistake three, forgetting the kid, Let the kids just be kids. Mistake for obsessing over next season too early. Mistake five, neglecting mental and emotional fitness. I wrote a note here at the bottom of of this rundown, okay? The summer is all about balance. Okay? Growth doesn't always mean grinding. And what I mean by that is every family, every kid is in a different situation. You have to find the balance that works for your family. Some families that might be much more hockey, some families that might be much less hockey. You have to find that. And it only comes through good communication, through understanding where your kids are at, letting your kids figure out where they're at. And I'm going to say it again. Being present, be here. Your whole life is happening right now. It's not happening in the future or the past. We are so wired to not be able to do that well, but you have to practice that. So find the balance in your summer. Don't obsess and heed the warnings from the Our Kids Play Hockey crew here today of those mistakes. Christy, Mike, any final thoughts before we close? This actually made a shorter episode today. 

Christie Casciano [44:20 - 44:26]: We actually did Summertime. The living should be easy. We'll close with that note. 

Lee MJ Elias [44:27 - 45:33]: Good bookend there. All right, Mike, I don't think you got anything top that. We'll just end it on that. All right. All right, gang. All right. Great episode as always. Enjoy your summers. And if you're listening to the story of the season, enjoy your season. For Christy Cash, Anna Burns, Mike Benelli, I'm Leah Lias. This has been another wonderful episode of our Kids Play Hockey. If you agree, disagree, have a thought, have a topic, have something you want to discuss, you can email us at team at our kids playhockey.com or go to the description in this episode, click the link. You can text us directly, leave your name, where you're from, whatever you want. It's a little easier than, I guess, writing an email nowadays, but we want to hear from you. We love hearing from you. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. Everybody. Enjoy your summer. Take care. We hope you enjoyed this edition of our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, our kids playhockey.com also make sure to check out our children's book, when hockey stops at when hockeystops.com. it's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode. 

Mike Bonelli [45:40 - 45:49]: Sam.