Sept. 23, 2023

The Unexplored Side of Reward Systems in Youth Sports

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Season 1 Our Kids Play Hockey

Ever wondered if it's a good idea to pay your young hockey player each time they score a goal? Join in on our discussion challenging the practice of financial payouts in youth hockey. 

We dig into the implications and how such practices can shape not only the player's attitudes on the ice but also their personal growth off it. As we dive deeper, we warn of creating a self-centered player at the expense of a team ethos. Instead of cash incentives, we advocate for recognizing well-rounded team play and individual achievements.

Can you imagine a rewards system that goes beyond just goals and assists, and shapes a player's understanding of success in the long run? We explore the idea of reward systems that focus on holistic development & we discuss innovative methods including assigning tasks at home and the merits of such methods. Highlighting the importance of setting the right tone, we share insights on fostering a supportive, encouraging team environment which doesn't undermine the collective effort. 

This audience requested topic is one that highlights the importance of creating an environment where players are motivated to be better people, not just better hockey players, & we invite you to join the debate. Let us know what's working for your team and together let's create a harmonious, constructive, and rewarding experience.

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00:49 - Paying Kids to Score Goals Problem

08:56 - Youth Hockey's Financial Reward Debate

15:40 - Academics & Character in Youth Sports

27:47 - Rewards and the Value of Reading

32:18 - Rewarding Children for Effort and Values

37:57 - Reward Systems and Earning Potential

WEBVTT

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We're back with another our kids play hockey.

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Today, a topic brought to you by you we're talking about the importance of not paying your kids to score goals, and in this episode, we really do go into a lot of different alternatives, a lot of different methods of what reward should look like in hockey, from a team level to an individual level, to a parent level.

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It's a really great discussion, I'm going to say now.

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I sent us at the end of the episode to take a listen.

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We definitely want to hear what you think.

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You can email us.

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A team in our kids play hockey calm.

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You can comment on the Facebook group our kids play hockey but definitely want this one to become an open discussion, because we know that there's probably a lot of people out there doing things that do work, and we want to know what those actions are so we can share them with the parents.

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That's the whole point of the podcast.

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But the other thing, too, is maybe, maybe you don't agree with us, which is totally fine as well.

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Feel free to comment underneath any of the episode teasers that we do for this or, again, email us, join the Facebook group, find a way to contact us, because we really want to keep growing this group and again appreciate all of you that have keep keep giving us those five star reviews on iTunes and Spotify.

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This podcast continues to grow.

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We are amazed by the audience also.

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Before we jump in the episode, it's early in the season.

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We've gotten a lot of requests for team building, for team performance.

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Head over to game seven, group calm.

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We're doing a lot of virtual team building this season where you can have one of us come on, we'll do a, an hour with your group, with your parents, with your coaches, and if you tell us that you're from our kids play hockey, we'll give you a nice discount on some of those packages.

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Again, it's over at game seven, group calm.

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Fill out any of the information there or again, email us at team at our kids play hockey calm and just say we're interested in some team building.

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Can we see the options and we will get those right over to you.

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But without further ado, let's jump into this episode today about why you should not be paying your kids to score goals.

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What are you doing?

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Here we go.

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It's Mike and I, our kids play hockey, friends and families around the world.

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And welcome to another edition of our kids play hockey.

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Today's topic is brought to you by you.

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We asked you for some topic ideas, mike.

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I was telling the group.

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I said you know we have plenty of ideas to talk about.

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We have plenty of topics.

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It's really endless, it's an infinite game, but we wanted to get the audience involved because, you know, while our minds are where their minds are at, we know they have questions.

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One came up today about the problem with parents paying their kids to score goals.

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So we're going to do a whole episode today and really break it down actually in a four segments about why you should never pay your kid to just score goals.

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That is a horrendous idea.

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We're going to discuss that.

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Then we're also going to talk about alternatives, right, because I think it's, it's BS when anybody comes up with a hey, don't do that.

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But they don't provide an alternative.

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So we're going to have some of those alternatives today and also just take a general look into, you know, the, the reward systems I'll call them in hockey right, about whether it's individualistic or from a team front, about rewarding the kids for doing things.

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But I do want to start off with this because I have strong feelings about this that you should.

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My belief, my opinion, mike, you should never be paying your kid only to score goals, do you agree?

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yeah, I mean, I don't even know why it's a question, but it's a.

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I mean I'm not actually a little baffled but yeah, what?

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Why shouldn't we pay our youth players to perform athletic activities that positively affect the team and their own, you know, their own, I guess that their own skill development?

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So I don't know that that's a reward, I guess, if you're looking at it as an incentive, if you're looking at it as a motivational piece.

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Not sure if the financial transaction part is is the best way to go yeah, and look, I will say this too, because I get a little miffy in the in the in the middle of this.

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I don't like it when parents pay for goals.

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I'm not necessarily against paying for more well-rounded things like points or great play.

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I don't know if paying in cash is the right reward.

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I think there's a lot of different ways especially the younger ages you can earn something.

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But I want to get this just off my chest that I have seen parents pay their kids for goals and you are hurting not only your own child's development but the entire team, and it's because of the obvious.

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If your kid is only focused on scoring goals, they're never going to pass the puck.

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They will only make plays that are conducive to leading to them scoring.

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They may even yell at their teammates for not not passing them the puck.

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You're just creating a show.

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You're a kid, for lack of a better word.

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If you do that now, with that said, there's more, there's levels to this then the next question will be well, what if I pay for goals and assists?

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Okay, look, that's better.

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But here's the problem with that.

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What about your defense?

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What about your goal tenors?

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You know I had a player on my son's squirt team over the weekend.

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He made the third assist on several goals, right.

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And what I mean is he set up the play, he started the play, brought it out offense to offense goal and he gets no, no, no credit for that kind of third assist.

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It's like now he's not earning money.

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So you just take it away from the team environment when you reward kind of these things, especially if it's every single one.

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Right, my mic's ready to go.

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I charge you, I'm gonna say it isn't, that isn't the hard hat and the golden hammer and you know the, the, the token at the end of a game, rewarded enough I mean.

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So yeah, and I will be honest with you, in I've I've been coaching and directing and been a part of many teams for over I mean for over 40 years, and I've I've never come across a parent that I know of.

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Now.

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Maybe it happened.

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I've never heard of it, never encountered it, never was in the room in a transaction happened where a parent paid a player to do anything, even headhunt, like go out and kill somebody you know, go out and go out.

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And now again, I guess maybe I'm lucky or maybe I've just Mike's, mike's.

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Mike and Benelli, this stuff happens under the table, but they don't do it.

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A locker room after the game?

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well, my little guy was at the Italian festival yesterday and I said, hey, did you get into your roots a little bit?

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You know, like did you?

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Did you make any bargains?

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You know for anything you could get on, you know in the back alley, but I think it's listen, if you're paying up any kid soccer, lacrosse, hockey if you're paying a player, if you feel you have to get to the level of paying somebody to to do something you want on on the field or on the ice, I don't know, I just, I just think that's.

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I'm not even gonna say it's crazy, because maybe there is and maybe we'll get some comments like, hey, I did it and this, what happened to my son?

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And then, after you get drafted, he paid me back.

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Great, I think, that's all.

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Let me let me read to you because, again, this episode was born from our group and there's a there's a chat going on in a group about episode topics and I'm just gonna read some of this.

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These will remain anonymous, but it says that this person's talking about ages four to six, so we're not even talking older yet.

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I overheard a parent offering their kid $10 for a goal.

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By the way, rates have really gone up, if you get I mean, I didn't get 10 bucks for allowance.

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Again, they said we've talked about this was with the soccer team, right?

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And then someone said I remember you guys talking about that too.

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We should talk about the perspectives on this.

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We need to go this.

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It's crazy.

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The child was offered $10.

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So, mike, I'm gonna say it again this goes all the way back to when I played.

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I know this happens again a lot of times that the transaction, as you said, takes place well after the game, in the car or something like that.

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And look, we're gonna get into this today.

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I'm not against reward systems, okay, but you gotta, you gotta have a clue about what you're doing.

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Because, again, look, especially if your kid is in a younger age group I'm gonna tell you right now the biggest dilemma I see at the older age groups is that we see extremely talented players with no brain for the game, and it's incredibly frustrating as a coach when a player can can lacrosse with the puck around the ice but cannot figure out a basic system right?

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So when you're paying for only a skill set, you're robbing the kid of their ability to develop both mentally, both physically.

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Right, I mean, look, I'm.

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I've used the stat all the time.

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I'm gonna use it again.

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If Wayne Gretzky never scored a goal his entire NHL career, he would still be number one all time in points because he has his assist account alright.

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So from an offensive standpoint, assisting goals are both important.

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Do not rob your kid the chance to learn how to pass the puck.

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It is an insanely incredibly valuable skill set.

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Right, but so is gapping, and so is I was gonna go and so is, yeah, all this other stuff.

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So if you're, if you're the father of a defenseman, you say, listen, I'm gonna give you a dollar for every shot you get on net, like that's my incentive to you, like I don't know, a Reward, a financial reward.

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I mean I'll be doing enough for our kids.

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We're buying them sticks and skates, helmets come on, mike, we're talking about.

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God, I mean it's like.

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It's like it gets you know to a financial reward is tough.

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Now, if you have a reward system within your team that you can identify players, strengths and and good positive things like you know.

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You know, I see like some teams give a guy like a, like a, like a, give a dog a bone award, like oh, that's our hardest-working players, I mean it never gives up on the puck.

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Like we're gonna recognize that player.

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Or I mean me as a youth hockey coach forever in a high school coach and a prep school coach have given out, you know, you know, award stickers on helmets and those kids earn those things.

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I mean, you've ever seen Ohio State hockey?

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I mean it's like it looks like a whole team right, just a war after a war after a war, and they're rewarding the Recognizing great plays, whether it's a goal and assist, a hit.

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You know a back check and that I, you know, that I know works, but I don't.

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But I guess I'm hung up on as the actual financial piece.

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Well, here's what I'll say.

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You know, most of the time when I see this happening, there is no internal team reward system, right.

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So so you're skipping ahead, but that's fine.

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Like I think it's.

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It's very valuable for coaches at any age group to create some sort of internal Reward or tracking system in which the kids can kind of police themselves and create some healthy competition.

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So, for example, I'll go from the top level down.

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I remember I was working with that, with a pro team, and we actually had the players create, like you know, what are the, what are the stats that we want to follow, that you guys can compete against each other, and goals and assists were not even on the list.

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I mean one point, you know plus minus was there, that's that's.

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I mean, there's always debate over whether that that's a fair stat or not, but they would go through, like you know, great breakout passes would be one right, or Game breakers, where a pass would be stolen or intercepted, and they kept to it, they were accountable to it, and the internal Healthy competition with that was reward enough.

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You know, you wanted to win that every single game, and obviously it was a rising tide to lift solid ships.

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Now, when you get down to the squirt level, the might level, even the peewee level, like you said earlier.

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Get the hard hat, you know.

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Get the, get the defensive player of the game, you know.

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And you can change the meaning of those rewards throughout the season, depending on what it is as a team that you want to get better at.

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I mean, I'll tell you what I have seen kids vie for those helmets.

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I mean they want it right.

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Kids want to be rewarded, right.

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It's just I don't know if cash Is the best reward, like you said.

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A good point, I mean, the sport's already expensive enough, you know not.

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Imagine a kid going into the locker room and is that?

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You know there's a dad out there and he's like, okay, he goes.

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That was a great shift.

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Great shift here you go.

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I just think it's so weird that it would be a financial transaction.

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But I guess it would just be as weird if a kid came off the ice and dad gave him a brand new Stick, say, hey, here's your, here's your brand.

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You know 300.

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You earned that $350 stick today.

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So I guess it's just a matter of if it's, if it's in the context of a team Award and everybody is participating.

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Yeah that's different, you know I know, I know, when I was growing up, I remember my father, on one of the boards he was on, you know, for hockey, and it came up and this kind of subject came up about all these kids don't pass.

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I said, well, we're not going to recognize goal scorers anymore, we're going to now start the playmaker award, so the kid that makes the most plays.

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And then, you know, and, and it actually became A problem, right, because the kids weren't shooting.

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They're like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to dish the puck off to this.

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Like, okay, we got to stop passing so much.

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It's great to have, you know, all these plays, but there's a balance and an understanding of what the reward is to benefit the team.

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Overpassing doesn't benefit the team.

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Underpassing doesn't benefit the team, it's.

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It's a strategy I get it to get the kids to be motivated.

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We're talking about, in this setting, a four to six year old, you know, I get.

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I guess Would the kid be just as motivated to say, hey, you score today, we're going to carvel, like, like, when you start Adding these pieces to the, to the kids, then where where do they find their own motivation?

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Then, like, where is the line that that they're, they should be motivated.

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I mean, they're a child.

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They should be motivated already to go out and participate.

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If they're not all the money in the world, it's not going to help you sustain that motivation, you know, over the course of their career.

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I was going to say too.

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I'm not even sure a four year old can understand how much money $10 is.

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It might as well be a thousand dollars at that point, you know.

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But and well, maybe that's a great motivate, maybe that's a great motive, but I would think that getting go, you know, getting getting the chance to go to the lego star after a game, might be just as good as a motivator.

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Well.

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I don't want to use that as a tool to motivation.

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I.

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I don't think it's a good idea.

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I'm not, I'm not for it in any way.

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You know, here's the other thing too.

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We got got to mention this too.

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Like If win gets out to the team, which it will, if you have kids.

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The other problem I have with this and some people may scoff at this, some people might not you know, it's great if you can give your kid $10 a game.

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Not every family might be able to afford that, right, and it's like you know now you're putting a kid and a family in a position.

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That's a tough conversation.

00:13:53.698 --> 00:13:55.644
Well, johnny gets $10 when he scores.

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Like I would never want to put a fellow parent in that position where they have to explain to their child why they can't afford to do something like that.

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That that's just wrong to me.

00:14:05.326 --> 00:14:07.120
Um, use the only two.

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Go ahead, mike.

00:14:07.923 --> 00:14:08.164
Sorry.

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I know I'm just saying, and you're in the same context Are we, as the same family, rewarding their kids for a's on on?

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That I love it, mike.

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That's the next note I have here.

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I was gonna say where's that.

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Where's that stop like?

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Oh my god, you know you did such a great job sitting in the car the whole way on our trip.

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That's right.

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That's bucks.

00:14:26.389 --> 00:14:31.443
Well, and that's my next topic, you know what are we rewarding and what are better reward systems?

00:14:31.443 --> 00:14:48.506
I can say this, I'm gonna make this pretty much a Statement for me if you are not rewarding good grades but you are rewarding goals, your priorities are screwed All right, like it cannot be that way unless your kids are really good player, don't worry about the grades so much.

00:14:48.955 --> 00:14:52.086
Really, he's earning 40 to 50 dollars a game.

00:14:52.506 --> 00:14:54.313
Yeah maybe that's that's fair.

00:14:54.313 --> 00:14:54.735
It's your money.

00:14:55.756 --> 00:14:56.118
Yeah, go on.

00:14:56.578 --> 00:15:04.339
No, listen, I've always had this issue with the academics sometimes come second, student athlete, student comes first.

00:15:04.339 --> 00:15:05.562
It's cliche, but it's true.

00:15:05.562 --> 00:15:15.432
If you're not willing to reward your kids effort at school I don't know how to say this nicely without cursing it's it's a train wreck.

00:15:15.432 --> 00:15:17.760
You're gonna make a train wreck when they get older.

00:15:17.760 --> 00:15:28.876
They're gonna have an inappropriate and and and mutated Understanding of what earning actually is right, which we already have enough of a problem with right now In society.

00:15:28.876 --> 00:15:34.528
About just, you know, action creates reward, right, or effort creates reward.

00:15:34.528 --> 00:15:43.280
So I'm just gonna say, if you're not willing to to reward academics, do not reward hockey, don't.

00:15:43.280 --> 00:15:44.544
It's just not a good idea.

00:15:44.544 --> 00:15:58.554
And, and as we said, going back to kind of hockey a little bit If you're not willing to reward character, if you know, like characters important to me, I've told my kids many times that I mean I love, I love when they get points.

00:15:58.554 --> 00:16:04.229
Don't get me wrong, I love when my son has a great game in net, but it's their character that I'm watching.

00:16:04.229 --> 00:16:05.355
It's how did you respond to the adversity?

00:16:05.355 --> 00:16:14.414
How did you respond when they scored on you and the game was tied and you felt that pressure and then you know I'm really proud of you, son, that I saw you feel it for a second.

00:16:14.414 --> 00:16:18.524
Then you, you practice the play that you missed and then you got right back.

00:16:18.524 --> 00:16:20.009
I'm really proud of you for that.

00:16:20.009 --> 00:16:22.465
That's a reward, right?

00:16:22.465 --> 00:16:22.806
You know what?

00:16:22.806 --> 00:16:26.518
Let's go get a slurpee, because I'm really proud of you for that, right.

00:16:26.518 --> 00:16:28.384
And slurpees don't cost ten dollars, by the way.

00:16:28.443 --> 00:16:31.875
But yeah, but most also make sure we're getting a slurpee when we get our butts kicked.

00:16:31.875 --> 00:16:35.309
Absolutely, there's good effort, right and the character.

00:16:35.330 --> 00:16:35.851
That's what I'm saying.

00:16:35.873 --> 00:16:40.734
Yeah, the effort was there you know, I think that's where, I think, that's where parents, you know, we all get caught up right in a win.

00:16:40.734 --> 00:16:46.211
Everybody's Like everybody's, you know, jubilant and happy, and then, when I lost, it's like the most like.

00:16:46.211 --> 00:16:48.923
You can't even talk to your child in the hall and you should bring them up.

00:16:48.964 --> 00:16:49.908
You should bring them up.

00:16:49.908 --> 00:16:54.985
I'm like I'm gonna tell you this, I I will not say the team In opposing team.

00:16:54.985 --> 00:16:56.673
This week I saw it and it's amazing to me that this still happens.

00:16:56.673 --> 00:17:10.303
I saw a parent Screaming at his son, whose team had just lost, in the lobby in front of all the other parents, just screaming at him about how he should have played, and I saw the kids storm off and the dad walking behind him yelling at him and it's just like I still can't believe that.

00:17:10.303 --> 00:17:10.806
I see that at a rink.

00:17:10.806 --> 00:17:13.358
It's incredible to me.

00:17:13.358 --> 00:17:17.220
And this kid just lost Like I.

00:17:17.220 --> 00:17:26.292
Just it boggles my mind that anyone would think that after a loss, that thing the kid would want to hear is their dad or mom screaming at them about what they should have done.

00:17:26.292 --> 00:17:29.500
Right, talk about the award.

00:17:30.457 --> 00:17:31.342
Yeah, I mean and that's.

00:17:31.342 --> 00:17:37.182
And then we've had these discussions, you know, with so many different people on offline and online.

00:17:37.182 --> 00:17:43.693
You know just about, like that parent right and that you know we want to a lot of that's just culture and that a lot of that's.

00:17:43.693 --> 00:17:48.346
You know we can nip that in the bud beginning of the season or the beginning of our experience with parents.

00:17:48.346 --> 00:17:49.970
But I think this thing is the same.

00:17:49.970 --> 00:18:10.182
I think having a discussion with the group saying because this is how I would approach it Like if you're paying your child for points or goals or anything really in the game, you're undermining the team's ability to be a team and that ultimately will hurt your child.

00:18:10.182 --> 00:18:21.884
Like, if you can all understand the context that that the more we can uplift your own kids, it's going to uplift the team and the more they understand the team concept, it also helps them.

00:18:21.884 --> 00:18:38.416
You know, and I think that's where you know, that's where it's really important for all of us to understand that in the team concept, if you get outside that, then I don't know, I guess I'm just I'm more hung up on the money, but I think.

00:18:38.416 --> 00:18:44.689
But I think I'm hung up too on the reward system outside of the team and I guess it happens, I get it.

00:18:44.689 --> 00:18:52.003
I mean, you know privately, if you go home and you have a, you have a matrix board on your, you know in the kid, in the kid's room and and you're keeping staff.

00:18:52.003 --> 00:19:06.366
You know I had a conversation with a mom literally this past weekend having a debate about her son's goals against average posted, you know percentage, because it was wrong.

00:19:06.366 --> 00:19:08.819
I'm like your son is 10.

00:19:08.819 --> 00:19:17.290
I said I said and nobody cares, and if you care, great, then have that discussion with your son that they got it wrong.

00:19:17.290 --> 00:19:19.397
But keep your own internal stats If you want to do that.

00:19:19.397 --> 00:19:24.223
But I'm not participating in that, like I'm not checking on whether that was a shot or not.

00:19:24.223 --> 00:19:28.483
I'm not having a debate on whether a puck that hit a post should count against him or not.

00:19:28.724 --> 00:19:29.807
That's not that age.

00:19:32.359 --> 00:19:34.125
And it really a lot of ages.

00:19:34.125 --> 00:19:35.086
I mean there comes a point.

00:19:35.086 --> 00:19:42.659
So I think in this context, I mean, if I I'll have to get in the chat later, is that is that we just got to.

00:19:42.659 --> 00:19:48.019
You know we I respect reward systems, I respect the motivational piece.

00:19:48.019 --> 00:19:54.801
If you're, if your players on the sideline and you want them, you know you need a big goal at the end of the game and you're going to.

00:19:54.801 --> 00:19:55.705
You know you're going to.

00:19:55.705 --> 00:20:01.220
You know, throw a hundred dollar bill up in the air and be like who wants it, who wants this hundred dollar bill?

00:20:01.220 --> 00:20:06.391
Yeah, I just think it undermines the, the, the team concept of what we're trying to do.

00:20:06.411 --> 00:20:07.134
It totally does.

00:20:07.255 --> 00:20:08.861
No, it just gives a false sense of what.

00:20:08.861 --> 00:20:10.045
What is the reward?

00:20:10.045 --> 00:20:17.422
Isn't the reward winning and competing and and and trying your best and then being recognized for that?

00:20:17.422 --> 00:20:26.843
I guess, if giving cash is recognized, if that's your recognition tool, I don't know, I just don't see, I just don't see how that works long term.

00:20:27.195 --> 00:20:35.086
Well and again, in a few minutes I'm going to go over some of the reward systems we do at our home that are not cash based, just so we can can share some different perspectives.

00:20:35.086 --> 00:20:38.323
But I want to stay on this undermining the team thing for a minute.

00:20:38.323 --> 00:20:42.403
Because you know, here's the here's the devil's advocate thing.

00:20:42.403 --> 00:20:54.897
Here Someone's going to say, well, like, yeah, well, I do good my job, I get a cash reward to get a bonus, you know, and and look, look, that's true sometimes, but you know I can make the argument as someone who works in corporate America and team building.

00:20:54.897 --> 00:20:58.315
That's not the best reward system, even in corporate America.

00:20:58.315 --> 00:21:02.363
Like, look, don't get me wrong, it is always nice to get a bonus, always.

00:21:02.363 --> 00:21:12.023
I'm not not undermining getting a bonus at your job for, for stellar work, okay, but a great management team will find a way to motivate everybody.

00:21:12.023 --> 00:21:17.026
And again, the rising tide lifts all the ships and then everyone gets the rewards from that.

00:21:17.026 --> 00:21:37.778
Right now, again, I'm not being specific because, depending on your vertical and your job, this can change drastically about team performance, but the point is this in every single, every single example that I've worked with, when the team morale, the team building, the trust, the accountability, the communication, as at the highest levels.

00:21:37.778 --> 00:21:39.723
Everyone ends up winning.

00:21:39.723 --> 00:21:44.684
The bottom line of the company goes up, the bottom line for the employees go up, everyone wins.

00:21:44.684 --> 00:21:46.028
The morale is up.

00:21:46.028 --> 00:21:47.623
You, you want to show up every day?

00:21:47.623 --> 00:21:55.980
All right, I, I would never want to put another kid in a position to show up to the ring, upset that player X gets money, and I don't.

00:21:55.980 --> 00:21:57.276
I mean it's just.

00:21:57.276 --> 00:22:03.838
You're undermining the entire thing and you're giving your kid an unrealistic expectation of life.

00:22:03.838 --> 00:22:04.821
What happens?

00:22:04.821 --> 00:22:06.057
Here's the, here's the other.

00:22:06.057 --> 00:22:06.941
Now here's the other side of that.

00:22:06.941 --> 00:22:10.080
What happens when they graduate college or whatever?

00:22:10.080 --> 00:22:14.078
They go to work and they don't get rewarded every single time?

00:22:14.078 --> 00:22:16.355
They do a good job Every day.

00:22:16.355 --> 00:22:20.241
When I did my job, I did a good today, great, yeah, that's why you get a salary now.

00:22:20.241 --> 00:22:21.904
Right, but I want the extra.

00:22:21.904 --> 00:22:22.846
I want the extra.

00:22:22.846 --> 00:22:27.407
You're creating a very, very unrealistic version of the world.

00:22:27.407 --> 00:22:34.207
Now, again, we talk about this, mike, about having to earn things right.

00:22:34.207 --> 00:22:36.761
This is really the message I give my son every day.

00:22:36.761 --> 00:22:43.922
You know and again we've heard this reported out in the Massage Bureau like it's not a good idea just to tell your kid hey, you're really smart, you're really smart.

00:22:43.922 --> 00:22:48.618
You shouldn't tell your kid you're really smart, all right, same thing as like, hey, you're a goalscorer, you're a great goalscorer.

00:22:48.618 --> 00:22:53.378
Talents is not enough if you're not willing to put in the work ethic.

00:22:53.378 --> 00:23:10.722
And I'm gonna tell you this I will usually take the kid, almost always take the kid with the high work ethic over the high talent, because I know they're coachable, I know I can mold them and I know I can teach them, whereas the high talent kid usually can only do one dimensional plays, right, and they phase out right.

00:23:10.722 --> 00:23:12.540
I want the kid who's going to expand their game.

00:23:12.540 --> 00:23:27.020
So I'm telling you again, parents, if you're only paying for one specific thing, or even two specific things, you are going to stunt the growth of your child both as a player, as a teammate and as a functional member of society.

00:23:27.020 --> 00:23:29.961
Right, it just doesn't work that way.

00:23:29.961 --> 00:23:37.680
And again, I've said ad nauseam to my own son that you know I said this just like you're very smart, but that's not enough.

00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:46.041
You have to work hard, you have to learn that piece, that the effort and the earning of things is just as important as your ability to just know it.

00:23:46.041 --> 00:23:49.318
Go ahead, mike, and I'll come back to kind of our reward systems.

00:23:50.422 --> 00:23:51.265
No, no, you're right.

00:23:51.265 --> 00:23:56.821
I mean, and again there'll be listeners and there'll be people chiming in that don't have that experience.

00:23:56.821 --> 00:23:58.480
They'll say I paid my kid all the way through.

00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:04.719
They're a well-functioning person of society, they're well-centered, they are rich.

00:24:05.035 --> 00:24:06.361
I hope those people do comment.

00:24:06.361 --> 00:24:08.242
I would love to hear from you, both of you.

00:24:08.483 --> 00:24:08.986
Yeah, me too.

00:24:08.986 --> 00:24:24.785
I'd like to hear from both of you people, but I think it's like I think it really comes down to you know, really looking at the big picture and then playing the ROI of what is going to produce the best for you in all the aspects of why we play sport.

00:24:24.785 --> 00:24:32.265
And I think this goes back to a whole other underlying issue that we're not playing sport to teach all these things anymore.

00:24:32.265 --> 00:24:40.865
We're teaching sport to progress in the sport as opposed to getting all the lessons learned from sport.

00:24:40.865 --> 00:24:55.843
I can't tell you how many I've been doing these learn-to-play programs and a lot of the people that help in the learn-to-play programs are retired or they finish their college careers players and they're not professional athletes.

00:24:55.843 --> 00:25:02.363
These are guys and girls that just played college hockey at a really high level and now they're, quote unquote, giving back and helping.

00:25:02.363 --> 00:25:04.823
And it's the same message all the time.

00:25:04.823 --> 00:25:10.679
Like I learned all this other stuff through the sport, I want to give back.

00:25:10.679 --> 00:25:19.047
Never, I've never had a conversation with any of these people about the championships and the other rewards.

00:25:19.047 --> 00:25:22.681
The reward was the game and the ones that give back and help.

00:25:22.681 --> 00:25:28.096
That's what they remember and that's what they talk about, and I think that's where we want to set our kids up for.

00:25:28.096 --> 00:25:29.582
The reward is the game.

00:25:29.582 --> 00:25:51.759
The reward is the fact that you got to go to a rink, you got to play on a Sunday morning and you got to compete, win or lose, and you learned that there's a reward system based off of effort and based off of what you want to put into it, and there's also a reward system knowing that you did all that effort all week, you worked hard, you did everything you were supposed to do.

00:25:51.759 --> 00:26:04.500
You lost, but you were able to come out of there and know that the reason you lost was this, this and this, and this is what you can improve on, and this is now a new goal and a new way we can approach the next competition.

00:26:04.500 --> 00:26:06.701
None of that has anything to do with money.

00:26:06.701 --> 00:26:25.760
Really doesn't have anything to do with external rewards, and I think once you start using like a reward system and it's based off of like a physical object or financial, you know windfall I don't know if that's sustainable and I'm not even sure if it's healthy.

00:26:26.035 --> 00:26:30.459
Well, and again, I'm gonna dive into that in a second in how we do it, Cause here's my thoughts on that.

00:26:30.459 --> 00:26:42.964
Mike, I think that I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching young kids and adults, young adults, that, hey, if you put forth the effort and you do a good job, there are rewards that come with that.

00:26:42.964 --> 00:26:44.902
And I think there's a lot of different ways to do that.

00:26:44.902 --> 00:26:47.001
And, like you said, it doesn't always have to be cash-based.

00:26:47.001 --> 00:26:52.241
It's just important to understand you work hard, you'll earn something, cause that's how our country works for the most part.

00:26:52.241 --> 00:26:54.762
It's not always fair, but that's the truth.

00:26:56.038 --> 00:26:58.916
That's how I've experienced human motivation to work, like you know.

00:26:58.916 --> 00:27:03.056
If you want a little bit more you know Xbox time then do this Right.

00:27:03.954 --> 00:27:04.939
But I wanted to make.

00:27:04.939 --> 00:27:06.443
You just made me think of a great book.

00:27:06.443 --> 00:27:09.163
Not that we have a book club here, but you reminded me.

00:27:09.163 --> 00:27:10.259
You know I read Mike Urus.

00:27:10.259 --> 00:27:18.862
The only book I'm looking at here is called the Making of a Miracle, and the reason I'm bringing that up here and it's a great weekend read for all of you out there, if you want to get it is Urus.

00:27:18.862 --> 00:27:22.202
He only just talks about his life, kind of growing up in the Northeast, and he just had nothing.

00:27:22.202 --> 00:27:26.818
He lived in a house with a thousand people I'm exaggerating, obviously, and it's just.

00:27:26.818 --> 00:27:28.384
I remember reading this every step of the way.

00:27:28.384 --> 00:27:31.580
He just thought, oh, I'll never, I'll never make it beyond this, I'll never make it beyond this.

00:27:31.580 --> 00:27:34.519
And he's like I can't believe I made it to college, I'll never make it beyond this.

00:27:34.519 --> 00:27:42.681
And it just talks about you said the reward is playing the game that you know, even just making the Olympic team barely you know, wow, I never thought I would do this.

00:27:42.681 --> 00:27:46.778
It's just a really great read to kind of humble the roots of hockey at that time.

00:27:46.778 --> 00:27:52.442
Again, you know you're talking the 60s and the 70s in New England, but making of a miracle is a great read.

00:27:52.442 --> 00:27:54.722
Now, look, let's talk about reward system.

00:27:54.722 --> 00:28:01.659
I'm going to share one that I'm doing in my house right now, that I actually saw this on an Instagram post and we adopted it and it's worked.

00:28:01.659 --> 00:28:06.538
Where you know, think about your home like, hey, if you clean the room, I'll give you money.

00:28:06.538 --> 00:28:10.003
Right, if you do these chores, I'll give you an allowance.

00:28:10.003 --> 00:28:10.204
Right.

00:28:10.204 --> 00:28:11.800
We all had that growing up.

00:28:11.800 --> 00:28:20.683
I get an allowance growing up for doing the stuff around the house, but I read this great one and we've just adopted it where books read our currency in the house.

00:28:20.683 --> 00:28:28.801
Okay, so when my son, he actually came up to me, he was talking about getting a new piece of equipment and he said, well, can I get this?

00:28:28.801 --> 00:28:29.577
How much does it cost?

00:28:29.577 --> 00:28:34.682
And I said, knowing this, I said you know what, if you read this many books, you can get that.

00:28:34.682 --> 00:28:36.277
He wanted a.

00:28:36.277 --> 00:28:41.118
He wanted a Sensorina right, I want a Sensorina.

00:28:41.118 --> 00:28:42.378
Mike, I want to use that thing.

00:28:42.378 --> 00:28:44.259
All right, vr hockey I want that.

00:28:44.259 --> 00:28:46.280
I'm getting older, I could use that.

00:28:46.280 --> 00:28:48.377
But you know what it's gonna cost you.

00:28:48.377 --> 00:28:51.119
This many books, all right, and this is what I love about it.

00:28:51.119 --> 00:29:00.221
A, from the book standpoint, we have a mixture, right, you have to read some biographies, you have to read something that's gonna give you some information, give you some worth.

00:29:00.221 --> 00:29:06.105
We've also thrown in like look, if you wanna read kind of a comic book type book, that will count too.

00:29:06.105 --> 00:29:09.483
But it can't be all the books you're reading, right.

00:29:09.483 --> 00:29:15.044
So we have a good mix of like for every five books you can read a comic book and it'll count, right.

00:29:15.044 --> 00:29:18.722
But the idea is that, yeah, if you want the Sensorina, it's gonna be 40 books, right.

00:29:18.722 --> 00:29:21.084
And this is my kid's reading level, where he's at.

00:29:21.084 --> 00:29:22.862
Obviously, every parent's gotta change this up.

00:29:22.862 --> 00:29:27.784
Like for my daughter, who cannot really read yet, it's well, we're gonna read books together, right.

00:29:27.784 --> 00:29:29.181
So we still do it at that age.

00:29:29.181 --> 00:29:35.124
And this is what I love about it Is it teaches and patience that you know there's no immediate gratification here.

00:29:35.124 --> 00:29:36.780
You're gonna have to take the time to read these books.

00:29:36.780 --> 00:29:38.680
I also love the accountability.

00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:41.323
You can read these books as fast as you want.

00:29:41.323 --> 00:29:48.505
If you wanna come home from school every day and read two books a day, you'll get this thing by Hanukkah, christmas time, right.

00:29:48.505 --> 00:29:53.521
If you don't wanna do that, you know you'll get it by the end of the year, and if you don't do it, you just won't get it.

00:29:53.521 --> 00:30:01.006
So I'm teaching the worth of yes, you can earn something by doing these things.

00:30:01.006 --> 00:30:06.326
And the things that I'm asking you to do, son, daughter, is to get knowledge in your mind, to become smarter.

00:30:06.326 --> 00:30:14.176
Now I'm rewarding the academics and I'm rewarding the effort to get something for hockey right With the understanding of.

00:30:14.176 --> 00:30:16.625
In our house, hockey is awesome.

00:30:16.625 --> 00:30:18.240
We love hockey in our house.

00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:21.962
It's a hockey house, but hockey is not the dictatorship of what you earn.

00:30:21.962 --> 00:30:23.357
Your ability to do.

00:30:23.357 --> 00:30:25.203
These things are right.

00:30:25.203 --> 00:30:27.518
I'll also note to the parents and this is some great advice.

00:30:27.518 --> 00:30:34.521
I got great advice I got as my kids got older and I just share this advice with a young parent.

00:30:34.521 --> 00:30:39.941
Your kids can do more around the house than you think they can, starting at a much younger age.

00:30:39.941 --> 00:30:43.284
Your kids can do laundry by like five or six years old.

00:30:43.284 --> 00:30:44.335
You just don't really now.

00:30:44.335 --> 00:30:45.378
It needs to be a little bit supervised.

00:30:45.378 --> 00:30:52.604
All right, they can feed the pets, they can wash the dishes, they can clean their rooms far earlier than you think they can.

00:30:52.604 --> 00:31:04.386
To me, these are more valuable ways, mike, to earn something, even if it's cash, than scoring a goal, because they absolutely translate to the ice right.

00:31:04.386 --> 00:31:11.035
Student athlete right, if your kid understands how to learn that.

00:31:11.035 --> 00:31:13.663
Wow, we value learning in our family.

00:31:13.663 --> 00:31:16.942
What do you think that is gonna translate to on the ice?

00:31:16.942 --> 00:31:25.901
I also have the opportunity now Mike you'll love this of well, you can read a magazine or a book about goaltending, son.

00:31:25.901 --> 00:31:33.961
That'll count If you wanna learn more about that position or if you wanna learn more about playing often, you can read this book about that.

00:31:33.961 --> 00:31:42.243
Again, a little age-specific here my son's nine or 10, okay, but you gotta find a different way to reward.

00:31:42.243 --> 00:31:47.722
The other thing, mike, and I'll throw it back to you, is that, look, cash is king.

00:31:47.722 --> 00:31:57.483
I get it, but at the same time it's like with a baby or a toddler, I should say you just gotta kinda find out what they want and then you can kinda get whatever you want out of them.

00:31:57.483 --> 00:32:11.801
So another way to do this is if your kid wants a new stick, well, listen, show me five great character plays on the ice, or the next five character plays you make, and that can be anything by celebrating with a teammate who scores a goal to actually making a great play.

00:32:11.801 --> 00:32:16.540
Collectively, you make five great plays, or you have to make five different plays.

00:32:16.540 --> 00:32:20.242
Five different types of situations will talk.

00:32:20.242 --> 00:32:23.002
I just think these are better methods.

00:32:23.002 --> 00:32:25.653
So take a little bit of thought, all right, but.

00:32:25.653 --> 00:32:29.041
But the goal might get the end of the day and I'm gonna throw this back to you.

00:32:29.041 --> 00:32:39.597
The goal is you should be rewarding your son or daughter for becoming a more well-rounded person, and if that translates to the game, great.

00:32:39.597 --> 00:32:41.971
If it doesn't, fine, all right.

00:32:41.971 --> 00:32:47.082
But like, if you're creating a better person, you will create a better hockey player.

00:32:47.082 --> 00:32:48.104
You have my word.

00:32:48.104 --> 00:32:57.181
All right, if you create a one-dimensional player and in squirt they, they go to town and they lead the league in points.

00:32:57.181 --> 00:33:03.355
My gut tells me, if that kid does not expand their game, they are not going to be able to do that much longer.

00:33:03.355 --> 00:33:04.477
They will.

00:33:04.477 --> 00:33:07.903
If your kid only shoots, they will figure it out.

00:33:07.903 --> 00:33:11.760
All right, it is not hard to defend against somebody like that.

00:33:11.760 --> 00:33:15.738
Mike, that was my five-minute pedestal is probably like 10.

00:33:15.738 --> 00:33:16.740
I'm gonna throw it back to you.

00:33:17.614 --> 00:33:19.589
Now I think you've actually changed my mind about this whole thing now.

00:33:19.589 --> 00:33:28.448
So if you're paying your kids across the board a reward system, then maybe I have no problem with you paying your kid to score goals and get it.

00:33:28.448 --> 00:33:36.574
I don't know, I mean, I think it's just if you're, if you're listen, if that's something that's motivating to your child in their regular Everyday life, every like.

00:33:36.574 --> 00:33:46.991
Who knows, maybe this kid, that this four-year-old soccer phenom gets paid for Take it the garbage out and cleaning up and making sure they don't leave crumbs in the back of the car, and I don't know.

00:33:46.991 --> 00:33:51.070
So if that's a motivator and that's a piece of the motivation I you know.

00:33:51.070 --> 00:34:08.313
And if you don't like, like, if it's not pinpointed to goals, like that's the only way, like if I come back and I'm like that's back checker and I knocked the puck out and save a goal that to me is as important as scoring, then if you have a reward system that motivates your kid, I don't you know what.

00:34:08.313 --> 00:34:13.152
If it's cash, great, I don't know, I think it's, I think it's what.

00:34:13.152 --> 00:34:19.172
I think it where, where it gets a little sticky, is how?

00:34:19.172 --> 00:34:23.639
How do you regulate that like, where, like even when you do home, you know, chores like.

00:34:23.639 --> 00:34:26.269
I'm sure there's a lot of people say, well, why would I pay my kid to do a home chore?

00:34:26.349 --> 00:34:29.722
They should be doing home chores like they should be learning how to do those things without money.

00:34:29.722 --> 00:34:30.826
They're part of the family.

00:34:30.826 --> 00:34:31.693
That's not unfair.

00:34:31.693 --> 00:34:32.818
That's not fair.

00:34:32.989 --> 00:34:36.730
Yeah, so it all depends on your yeah, like where you are in your family.

00:34:36.730 --> 00:35:04.400
If you, if you're choosing that you feel a good motivator is some kind of external gifts, whether it's cash, sensorinas, you know, new sticks, new sneakers, whatever it is say hey, listen, we're rewarding you for being, for your effort in life, whether it's taking up the garbage, helping cook, feeding the dog, cleaning your room, scoring goals, yeah, great.

00:35:04.681 --> 00:35:05.945
I think, make it a full person.

00:35:06.385 --> 00:35:10.001
So I think if you're doing it that way, I really think my mind could be changed.

00:35:10.001 --> 00:35:18.653
I think if you're doing it in a in a way where it's a holistic approach to everything you do in your life with your child, then that's fine.

00:35:18.653 --> 00:35:22.536
But if it's the other way, if it's like I only pay you to score goals, I could care less.

00:35:22.536 --> 00:35:30.565
If you're a good person, I really don't care if you clean your room, I don't care if you're bad teammate, I only care that you score goals, then then that's where.

00:35:30.565 --> 00:35:31.690
That's where I kind of draw the line.

00:35:31.690 --> 00:35:37.173
That's where I'm a hundred percent with you and I think everybody would say that, but I Like I'm telling you this happens.

00:35:37.375 --> 00:35:43.239
I'm I'm actually glad you've never seen it, because I've seen it and I'm telling you what happens and I have seen crazy.

00:35:43.289 --> 00:35:46.230
I never seen it and I never experienced it, because I wasn't, I couldn't score goals.

00:35:46.329 --> 00:35:47.211
So I, I have.

00:35:47.211 --> 00:35:59.101
I have been on teams where a player did not pass to me because they wanted to make money and again, look, I don't blame like now that I'm older I don't really blame that kid because I understand now he was, he was, he was motivated incorrectly.

00:35:59.110 --> 00:36:04.659
I should have any ability to think that, though look at you, look, look off of you, I mean like well, I could score here and get five.

00:36:04.679 --> 00:36:05.643
I'll take you one further.

00:36:05.643 --> 00:36:06.949
Imagine losing a game because of that.

00:36:06.949 --> 00:36:15.503
Yeah, and I'm speaking for personal experience All right, like, like, you took the position away from us to win the game because you wanted to make some money.

00:36:15.503 --> 00:36:23.438
You know, look, look I don't want to quote Wall Street about greed, for lack of another word is good, all right, look, look, greed.

00:36:23.438 --> 00:36:24.885
We all, we all experienced greed.

00:36:24.885 --> 00:36:26.190
This is this actually important thing to say.

00:36:26.190 --> 00:36:33.943
Um, I think one of the brilliant things about America is that, you know, greed is an inherent trait in all humans.

00:36:33.943 --> 00:36:35.213
We all experience it.

00:36:35.213 --> 00:36:40.956
Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's wanting to spend time with your kids, sometimes it's just doing what you want to do, but we all experience it on some level.

00:36:40.956 --> 00:36:52.983
And I think that the genius of America is and again, this gets this, gets Mutated all the time but is they took that inherent trait and they turned it into something where it could grow.

00:36:52.983 --> 00:36:56.556
Right, that if I work harder than you, I will get ahead.

00:36:56.556 --> 00:36:58.702
Now, again, that's a very baseline.

00:36:58.702 --> 00:36:59.463
I don't get into politics.

00:36:59.463 --> 00:37:01.014
It's a very baseline version of this.

00:37:01.014 --> 00:37:05.516
It's not that simple, but the truth is we all have greed, including our children.

00:37:05.516 --> 00:37:10.103
How you monetize that greed as a parent is really important.

00:37:10.103 --> 00:37:12.003
I think that's what we're trying to say here.

00:37:12.003 --> 00:37:13.813
Like Mike, another one, you just made me think of this.

00:37:13.813 --> 00:37:16.949
Another reward system would be almost like a bingo card.

00:37:16.949 --> 00:37:29.849
I mean, you got to be careful once they get close to bingo, but the idea would you think you said it like look, okay, you know what, get a goal, get an assist, get a good breakup play, get a good defensive play, take out the trash, do your laundry, read a book these are all on your bingo card, right?

00:37:29.849 --> 00:37:33.969
And if you get any 10 of these things, you'll get a reward, right.

00:37:33.969 --> 00:37:45.735
The other thing I'm going to tell you about the book system was that one of the things we're going to do is we'll buy the reward ahead of time and put it on the shelf and say, yeah, when you get to 20 books there it is, we'll hand it to you right away.

00:37:45.735 --> 00:37:47.460
You can have it right away.

00:37:47.460 --> 00:37:51.510
All right, I think I got to say this too, just just having traveled.

00:37:51.510 --> 00:38:05.918
You know the reward for some kids might be you get to have dinner tonight, right, like we always got to keep perspective in mind here that there are families that are far more financially fortunate than other families.

00:38:05.918 --> 00:38:15.898
All right, and again, I'm not saying that you need to make decisions based off of where somebody else might be, but having that perspective, I think, is very important.

00:38:15.898 --> 00:38:20.179
All right, and understanding that there are people out there where dinner might be the reward.

00:38:20.179 --> 00:38:21.594
You do your chores, you get to eat tonight.

00:38:21.594 --> 00:38:23.532
All right, I've seen that too.

00:38:23.532 --> 00:38:31.862
So again, rounding this out, because I'm not trying to guilt trip anyone listening to this episode All right, I think we're in agreement.

00:38:31.862 --> 00:38:36.440
Paying for any singular aspect of the game is incredibly wrong.

00:38:36.440 --> 00:38:39.635
Like, don't do it, you are going to hurt your kid.

00:38:39.635 --> 00:38:42.695
Okay, you're going to hurt a lot of things with that.

00:38:42.695 --> 00:38:53.974
There are acceptable ways to reward, and the key word here for me, again, is to earn something through work and understand the patience involved.

00:38:53.974 --> 00:38:58.159
And again, it seems like the older I get, the less patience there is.

00:38:58.159 --> 00:39:00.474
Everybody wants immediate gratification.

00:39:00.474 --> 00:39:07.384
If you want this large gift, you have to earn it, and it might take months, and that's okay.

00:39:07.384 --> 00:39:10.376
You don't get your first car the day you get your license.

00:39:10.376 --> 00:39:14.137
Most of the time, you got to earn that Right.

00:39:14.137 --> 00:39:17.219
So you're teaching these fantastic life skills.

00:39:17.219 --> 00:39:18.434
The other thing, too, mike.

00:39:18.434 --> 00:39:29.344
Just thinking from hockey, it's like if your kid, or a kid, is not talented enough to really become a goal scorer, reward the process of them learning to score goals.

00:39:29.344 --> 00:39:34.541
Hey, let's go outside and take 50 shots a day, or 100 shots a day together.

00:39:34.541 --> 00:39:39.942
I'll help you and if you do that for two weeks, we'll have a reward because you put the work in.

00:39:39.942 --> 00:39:44.550
I don't even care if you score a goal in the game, right, but you put the work in and I'm proud of you.

00:39:44.550 --> 00:39:45.635
I'm going to reward that.

00:39:45.635 --> 00:39:48.378
It could be a Slurpee, it could be an Xbox.

00:39:48.378 --> 00:39:51.099
That's up to all of you as individuals on how you want to reward your kids.

00:39:51.099 --> 00:39:59.001
I'm not going to judge anybody for the type of reward, but earning something, not just getting something.

00:39:59.001 --> 00:40:00.797
Here's the other one.

00:40:00.797 --> 00:40:02.155
Mike, I got to say this.

00:40:02.155 --> 00:40:19.019
What happens when Rebecca comes down the ice, deeks out seven players, including her own teammates that got in the way, does a Dipsy-Doo backhand, passes the cross, the ice to Johnny, who just taps it in the net, and he gets the reward when Rebecca did all the work.

00:40:19.019 --> 00:40:22.516
That's another reason why you should do this.

00:40:23.952 --> 00:40:25.135
Give her five bucks then.

00:40:25.255 --> 00:40:26.139
No, Johnny's going to do that.

00:40:26.139 --> 00:40:28.217
Listen, I really appreciate you making the pass.

00:40:28.217 --> 00:40:29.434
I'm going to give you 20%.

00:40:29.434 --> 00:40:32.670
You do that again, I'll make it 30%, Maybe?

00:40:32.710 --> 00:40:34.016
yeah, you could start your own incentive.

00:40:34.016 --> 00:40:38.259
It's apparently into the team to get your pucks to you Like $1,000.

00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:39.141
Yeah.

00:40:41.273 --> 00:40:44.222
Listen, I like reward systems.

00:40:44.222 --> 00:40:52.489
I just think they have to be set up for the age and, more appropriately, helping the full team win.

00:40:52.489 --> 00:41:12.661
I think if it's an award system given from the team perspective, where a coach can make sure they massage that and have it given to kids at strategic times during the season and during weekends and during games and practices, where you can motivate everyone, as opposed to just the one kid that scores all your goals, which happens all the time.

00:41:12.661 --> 00:41:20.653
You all depend on one kid, but really it is a team and you want to make sure you're incentivizing everyone to get better.

00:41:20.653 --> 00:41:25.378
Again, I guess I'd be more than thinking about it.

00:41:25.378 --> 00:41:32.402
I'm actually eager to hear some more comments or see some more comments that maybe it does work in some places.

00:41:32.402 --> 00:41:35.898
Yeah, if it is working, is it working across the board?

00:41:35.898 --> 00:41:40.862
Is it working when you're home, in the car, at school, in sports?

00:41:40.862 --> 00:41:46.222
If it's working everywhere and that's the way you're doing it and it's working, then that's great.

00:41:46.222 --> 00:41:48.818
I just haven't seen it.

00:41:49.733 --> 00:41:50.617
Look, I'll say this on that note.

00:41:50.617 --> 00:41:59.282
The best thing you can do if you're listening to this episode is write us an email or go to the Facebook page and tell us what's working or what's not, because that's the whole point of the podcast, right?

00:41:59.282 --> 00:42:01.130
Is that we want to share what's working.

00:42:01.130 --> 00:42:02.534
I shared what I do with my kids.

00:42:02.534 --> 00:42:06.579
Let us know what you do with your kids, because our kids play hockey.

00:42:06.579 --> 00:42:13.657
Sorry, I had to say it, but again, before I close, that if you do want to share that, you can email us team at ourkidsplayhockeycom or go to the Facebook page.

00:42:13.657 --> 00:42:14.771
It's a private group.

00:42:14.771 --> 00:42:15.755
Our kids play hockey.

00:42:15.755 --> 00:42:18.277
We do vet everyone that comes into that group.

00:42:18.277 --> 00:42:20.456
You can't get in without answering a couple of questions.

00:42:20.456 --> 00:42:22.090
So it's been a really good group, mike.

00:42:22.090 --> 00:42:26.994
Just rounding this out, the points today we're agreeing Don't pay your kids for goals, right?

00:42:26.994 --> 00:42:32.099
Coaches out there, it's beneficial to create team-based rewards for your team.

00:42:32.099 --> 00:42:33.161
It can be very intricate.

00:42:33.161 --> 00:42:43.659
It can be a chart, like I said, where the athletes create their own rewards and they compete against each other, all the way down to just having a defensive and offensive player of the game with the helmet.

00:42:43.659 --> 00:42:46.291
I think those are important Parents.

00:42:46.291 --> 00:42:49.661
Nothing wrong with taking the time to create your own reward system at home.

00:42:49.661 --> 00:42:57.436
I think, as long as there's earning potential within that, that is a well-rounded approach that maybe doesn't just take hockey.

00:42:57.436 --> 00:43:02.659
I'm going to reiterate this again If you are not willing to reward academics, do not reward hockey.

00:43:02.659 --> 00:43:05.016
I'm saying that as a coach right now, not as a dad.

00:43:05.016 --> 00:43:05.958
Do not do it.

00:43:05.958 --> 00:43:07.474
You're going to screw your kid up.

00:43:07.474 --> 00:43:10.556
I'm telling you don't do that.

00:43:10.556 --> 00:43:13.793
Sorry, I'm taking a stand on that Again.

00:43:13.793 --> 00:43:14.737
We want to know what you think.

00:43:14.737 --> 00:43:21.498
If you have a reward system that's worked with your kid or you disagree with us which is absolutely fine send us that note.

00:43:21.498 --> 00:43:23.094
We're all about the discussions.

00:43:23.094 --> 00:43:24.072
No ego here.

00:43:24.072 --> 00:43:26.974
Well, maybe about the academic thing I just said.

00:43:26.974 --> 00:43:29.114
Just let us know again.

00:43:29.114 --> 00:43:33.235
Email us team at our kids play hockey, or jump on the Facebook page our kids play hockey.

00:43:33.235 --> 00:43:40.195
We can post anonymously on there also, which I know some of the listeners probably need to do, which is absolutely fine.

00:43:40.195 --> 00:43:47.742
You can always DM us anywhere, whether you follow us at welivehockey, on Instagram or anything else.

00:43:47.742 --> 00:43:49.516
Mike, this was a fun episode.

00:43:49.516 --> 00:43:51.215
We got through all the notes I had here.

00:43:51.215 --> 00:43:56.141
I want to thank the audience again for telling us to talk about this.

00:43:56.141 --> 00:43:58.652
It was a topic of the day, we jumped right on it.

00:43:58.652 --> 00:44:00.869
Yeah, thanks for doing that, Mike.

00:44:00.869 --> 00:44:02.356
Any final thoughts before I close it out.

00:44:03.090 --> 00:44:04.898
No, no, it's actually very thought provoking.

00:44:04.898 --> 00:44:20.289
I'm looking forward to kind of digging into this more myself and kind of just figuring out where is the line and what does work and what doesn't work, and can we do it different ways and better ways and ways that can motivate today's athletes.

00:44:20.958 --> 00:44:25.516
Mike, I know what's going to happen You're going to go home and you're going to tell your kids all right, we're doing this book reward system.

00:44:25.516 --> 00:44:29.255
You read 50 books, mom, and I get to go on a vacation.

00:44:30.032 --> 00:44:30.934
Right, we'll get out of your hair.

00:44:31.376 --> 00:44:33.492
Yeah, I'm going to tell you actually real quick.

00:44:33.492 --> 00:44:35.298
I got one more for you and then I let go audience.

00:44:35.298 --> 00:45:04.931
Sorry, I tease the ending, but I'm going to tell you, I have a very good friend who has four sons and he created an actual business in LLC and his four sons are aged 13, down to six and they run a lawn business in the summer and in the winter they run a shoveling business and I'm going to tell you right now, they make a ridiculous amount of money for that age and they buy their mom I'm not kidding, they buy their mom and themselves a trip to Disney World every year based on the money that they make.

00:45:04.931 --> 00:45:06.617
And they run the job.

00:45:06.617 --> 00:45:12.512
They do the work I mean obviously everything outside the bank account, which I'm pretty sure he has them involved in too.

00:45:12.512 --> 00:45:14.056
They run the day to day.

00:45:14.056 --> 00:45:16.213
They earn their own money.

00:45:16.213 --> 00:45:23.690
So just parents that's my kind of again note here your kids can do more than you think.

00:45:23.690 --> 00:45:28.097
Earning, potential earning is the key word here.

00:45:28.097 --> 00:45:34.954
Make sure they earn these things, not just instant gratification based on well, if you do this, you get this right.

00:45:34.954 --> 00:45:36.139
That's the life lesson.

00:45:36.139 --> 00:45:39.851
All right, that's going to do it for this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey Seasons here.

00:45:39.851 --> 00:45:40.876
We're well into it.

00:45:40.876 --> 00:45:42.155
We're going to be here with you all season.

00:45:42.155 --> 00:45:43.358
We've got some great guests lined up.

00:45:43.358 --> 00:45:45.297
We've got some great topics lined up.

00:45:45.297 --> 00:45:50.181
We're going to be bringing you on some hockey parents that have four plus kids in the sport.

00:45:50.181 --> 00:45:51.996
Our managers have full-time jobs.

00:45:51.996 --> 00:45:54.860
We've got some NHL people coming on the show soon.

00:45:54.860 --> 00:46:03.416
So stick with us all season and, as many of you have done, please share these episodes with your teams, whether it's in Team Snap or whatever it is that you use to communicate.

00:46:03.416 --> 00:46:15.739
Share the episode, help us build that community, because that really is the goal with Our Kids Play Hockey is to find that sane hockey community that are not hitting reps on the head with their hands in the middle of the games or doing something worse.

00:46:15.739 --> 00:46:18.699
That's going to do it for this one with Mike Benelli on Lealize.

00:46:18.699 --> 00:46:20.637
Thanks for watching or listening to Our Kids Play Hockey.

00:46:20.637 --> 00:46:21.157
See you next time.

00:46:21.157 --> 00:46:24.699
Everybody, we hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey.

00:46:24.699 --> 00:46:34.161
Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value, wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network or our website, ourkidsplayhockeycom.

00:46:34.161 --> 00:46:38.920
Also, make sure to check out our children's book when Hockey Stops at whenhockeystopscom.

00:46:38.920 --> 00:46:43.621
It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life.

00:46:43.621 --> 00:46:44.735
We're very proud of it.

00:46:44.735 --> 00:46:49.032
Thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.