The Ride to The Rink: Pressure to Power - Turning Your Parents’ Words Into Confidence

Hello, hockey skaters and goalies around the world, and welcome back to another

edition of The Ride

to the Rink. It's Lee Christie and Mike with you today. In our big episode this week,

kids, we

talked about the top three things that your parents should never say to you before

you exit the

car. And so what we want to talk to you about today is maybe some of these things

you might be

hearing from your parents. Make sure that you understand that if your parents are

telling you these

things, they do care about you. They do love you. That's that's why they're trying

to push you. But

maybe some ways to compartmentalize what they're saying to you and or kids,

maybe a way to

communicate with them of, hey, dad, mom, that's I don't really love hearing that

before I play.

It makes me pretty nervous. Right. Or it makes me feel bad. Right. You're allowed

to have these

conversations with your parents and parents, for those of you listening. Right. You

should want

your kid to have these conversations with you about how they're feeling and things

like this. And

kids, listen, I promise you, if you're listening to this show and your parents are

listening to

this show, you're probably in the right place to have this conversation. All right.

Because the

kids not listening to the show are not having these conversations. So what we're

going to talk

about is what we discovered, which is there's usually three things or three

versions of a thing

that your parents or caretakers might say to you. And we're going to start with the

obvious one,

which is, hey, hey, buddy. Don't do this. Don't turn the puck over. Don't mess up.

Don't be afraid. Kids, it is absolutely okay to feel feelings before a game,

especially fear, because that means you care. But if your parents are telling you

don't do

something, you're probably going to think about the thing they're telling you not to

do and not in

a good way. So if they say that, first thing you can do is realize, okay, well, they're

telling me

to try and work on something. You can break this down in your mind, but you can

also tell, Mom and

dad, hey, I don't like it when you tell me don't do something before a game. Right,

guys? I thinkthat's fine. It's okay to have these conversations, kids. It's okay to have these

feelings, too.

And it's okay to share those feelings with mom and dad. Mom and dad love you.

There are people who really care about you, and they want to bring out the best in

you. Sometimes

we don't always get it right. And it's okay to say, hey, mom, I know you just said go

out there and

skate because I'm the best. player out there and I love that you think that but I'm

part of a team

and let's not forget that so have that conversation with remind them that hockey is

a team sport

I'm sure you'll open the door to a great conversation with them yeah and I think

because we know

you're listening to the ride to the rink we already know you're one of the smartest

players on your

team and that you're able to take the messaging whether mom's saying it dad

saying it,

a coach, a grandfather, you can take that message and you can turn it any way you

want in your

head. So whatever you hear from your dad or mom, and I think Christy and Lee is

coming from a place

of love. It's coming from a place of, I think I want to motivate my child. But you

know, as a

player now, you know, you can step out of the car. You could refocus that message

into I can,

I will, I can't wait to do this. Like you can manifest that back. to a very positive

place,

even though the messaging might have been sent to you in a negative way. Just

remember, when you

step out of the car, whether you're 8 or 18, it's your ability to change the

messaging in your head

right before you walk into that locker room and get ready for the game. Yeah, look,

another way

this may manifest itself is by your parents saying, you need to do X,

Y, and Z. You need to score. You need to skate. Again, for the parents listening,

not the best message, right? But for the kids listening, you know, again, what are

your parents

really trying to say, right? First off, kids, the reason we don't like the words you

need to is

because it makes it just about you. And as Christy said, this is a team sport, right?

Everyone

should be doing something. Everyone should be trying to skate hard and score.

and things like that.

So it's not really fair for all that pressure to come down onto you as one person.But what your

parents are most likely trying to say when they say you need to do something is

have a good impact

in the game. We want you to have an impact in the game. And you have the ability

to do that, but

you need your teammates to do that. Right, gang? It can't all come down to one

player.

Yeah, teammates. Your ability to work with your teammates and put that in a place

where you can

contribute is number one. And then whatever comes out of that is all gravy.

Whatever you can do to

come in there and mom and dad know, oh, you must do this. I know, I know, I must

do this, but I'm

going to do this within the context and the help of my teammates. Right.

And also, kids, another thing that happens a lot is you may want to tell your

parents,

hey, if I score a goal today, can I have 20 bucks?

Can I have that new hockey stick? And if the parent says, let's talk about this,

resist bringing that notion into their heads. Okay. You score because you want to

score it,

not because you want to get something out of it. You score because you're

motivated to go out there

and do your best and try your hardest. If you're being offered money for goals

from, from whoever,

right.

I'm begging the kids to tell them if that's the way you're going to do it, which I

don't agree

with, but if that's the way you're going to do it, do it for points or good plays. Not

just goals

because you look so selfish out there when it's a two-on-one and you shoot when

you should have

passed because you won 20 bucks or whatever. So if you're doing that with your

parents,

again, I don't agree with it. You've got to do what you do. Do it for good play, not

just for one

singular thing. Exactly. Motivate for the right reasons because you want to win,

not because you want to get a new hockey stick or new skates or 20 bucks every

day. Yeah.

And I'll say this too. You know, kids, one of the things that I tell my players and my

kids,

especially in like big games, is not you need to do something. It's I really just want

you to come

out of this game and tell me and look me in the eye and say, I did everything I

could today, thebest I could today. Like that's the message I want to get from my kid. Dad, I did the

best I could.

I have to believe you. And it's up to you to tell me if you really didn't do the best

you could and

learn from that. But, hey, I did the best I could today. That's what I'm looking for as

a coach and

as a parent. Now, the last thing, kids, that some of you may hear, especially around

tryout time or

eval time, is, hey, the coach is really watching you today. The scouts are out there

today.

You've got to show the coach what you can do today. Kids, that's every day. So if

your parents have

said that to you, first off, I would look back up in the eye and say, you know what,

that's every

day, Mom, Dad. Every day I've got to work for the coach. And just know that there

is no one game,

one practice, one tryout that's going to define your entire career. There just isn't. I

can

guarantee you that as a coach, as someone who evaluates. You know, just go out

there and do the

best that you can every time. That's the message, right? It's every time you take

the ice,

have fun, work hard, do the best you can. All right? And I got to say, too, if you're

getting these

messages from your parents, again, we all said it multiple times. It's coming from a

place of love.

It's OK to tell your mom or dad or caretaker, hey, I really don't love it when you

when you put

that kind of pressure on me. It puts a lot of pressure on me. All right. And if they

say if your

parents on the off chance say, well, good, I want there to be pressure on you, then

you should

definitely say it doesn't make me play better. This does not make me play better.

And kids,

I'm going to tell you, it does not make you play better. All right. I, we can tell when

you're

under duress or stress was better word. And you're, you're not playing free. All

right.

And, and I, the amount of times kids, I have to tell my players, even the older

players, Hey.

You're tight. You need to loosen up. You need to play your game and enjoy your

game, right? That

means there's too much pressure on them. You don't need that level of pressure

on you.It's okay to have a little. We said this in the big episode. It's okay to feel a little

anxious or

nervous or put a little pressure on yourself. That's good. That means you care, all

right? But too

much will have the opposite effect. Yeah, just enjoy what you love to do.

Go out there, play your best, be your best. And focus on one shift at a time if it

seems like an

overwhelming game and that you're like, no way can we win this game. Focus one

shift at a time and

just do your best every time you're out there. If you're going to have a bigger

picture, hey, think

about all the little things you can do. Yeah, it does pay off. Mike, final thoughts?

Yeah,

I think that's one of the coolest things for you guys that play sports, right, is you

get to go in

and compete. And if somebody has to remind you to compete, and remind you

that it's a day to

compete and remind you it's a day to play better, then it's going to be really hard

for you to be

successful in sport. So just go in, understand that you are competing. You

mentally are ready to go

and you know you're physically ready to go. Just tell mom and dad thanks. Can't

wait to get out

there. You don't have to respond to it. And just understand that anytime you go

into any

competition, whether it's practice, games, math test, gym class, whatever, go in

there.

somebody's always watching you somebody's always evaluating you somebody's

always saying oh well i

guess uh so-and-so's off today or wow so-and-so really came prepared to play

today you know

these are kind of things you can control as an athlete um as a person and uh

hopefully you don't

need a lot of reminding about that yeah and like i'll just add on to that that kids the

older you

get the more you're going to realize that the the compete part the competition

part is the most fun

part i mean being with your friends and stuff is too i'm talking really like gameplay

right now

But, like, the ability to compete is super fun. And the more you can embrace that,

the better it gets. It's a privilege to compete. That's what I was trying to say. All

right, kids,

listen. Listen, on the off chance that your parents did not listen to our big episode

this week,in the words of Mike Benelli, go tell them like this. Say, whatever you do, don't

listen to the

main episode of Our Kids Play Hockey this week. Don't do it. Remember, nobody

else is watching you.

Don't follow this link. Don't do it. Kids, if you do that, they'll listen to it. And they'll

hear

all the things that we just said. And parents joking, if you are listening, if you had

any chance,

we did just do this episode, three things you shouldn't say to your kids. And again,

they're

elusive things. They're things you might be doing that you might not realize you're

doing. So we

encourage you all to listen to that. But for the kids listening, remember, no matter

where you're

at on this hockey journey, we believe in you. You should too. Christy, any final

thoughts? Yes. We

love you kids. And I know there's a lot of pressure out there. You don't need that

extra pressure.

If you're feeling it, talk to somebody. Share it with somebody. That's the best way

to deal with

it. Don't keep it bottled up. Express your feelings. There's somebody out there

who's going to

listen to you. And then you'll feel better. And you'll figure it out. You'll sort it out. I

love

it. And kids, again, what she said, the more you understand your feelings and learn

your feelings,

the more control you'll get over them so they don't control you. All right? So that's

going to do

it for this edition of the Ride to the Rink. Kids, remember, wherever you're out in

that hockey

journey, we believe on you. We believe on you. We believe in you. You should, too.

We'll see you on

the next Ride to the Rink. Everybody take care.