Why Time Away From Hockey Can Help Girls Become Better Athletes—and Happier People

There’s a message young hockey players hear almost everywhere:

Work harder.

Get another skate in.

Take more shots.

Train while everyone else is resting.

And beneath all of those messages is an assumption that can become dangerous if we never question it: more hockey must always equal better hockey.

But what if part of becoming a better player is learning when not to play?

On this episode of Our Girls Play Hockey, Lee Elias, Mike Bonelli, and Olympic gold medalist and Walter Cup champion Hayley Scamurra explored the things they’ve done away from the rink—and why those experiences have mattered throughout their lives in hockey.

The conversation wasn't an argument against hard work. Quite the opposite.

It was about learning what sustainable hard work actually looks like.

Because the goal isn't to get a young player to work as much as possible today.

The goal is to help her build a relationship with hockey that allows her to keep learning, competing, growing, and loving the game for years.

And sometimes, that means putting the stick down.

Rest Isn't the Opposite of Training

One of the hardest ideas for highly competitive athletes—and their parents—to embrace is that recovery is not wasted time.

Recovery is part of development.

Hayley spoke openly about how this has been something she has continued learning throughout her career. As a young athlete, sports were a major part of family life. Soccer, tennis, hockey, and other athletic activities filled the calendar.

But some of her most cherished memories came from experiences that weren't about competition at all.

Summers at a lake house in Canandaigua meant time on the water, bike rides, board games, friends, and family.

Those moments gave her something different.

They allowed her to disconnect.

And as Hayley explained, learning that it was okay to rest became an important lesson that followed her all the way into professional hockey.

That's something young players need to hear.

You don't need to earn every moment of rest.

Rest isn't a reward for being productive enough.

For athletes, it is one of the ingredients that makes productive training possible.

Sometimes You Need to Miss Hockey

There is tremendous value in loving the rink.

There is also value in missing it.

Think about how different those two experiences feel.

A player who never gets away from hockey may eventually start arriving at the rink because she is supposed to be there.

A player who has been given enough space to miss hockey can walk back through the doors thinking:

I can't wait to play.

That difference matters.

Physical fatigue is relatively easy to recognize. Legs feel heavy. Muscles get sore. Speed drops.

Mental fatigue can be more subtle.

A player might become less enthusiastic. Practices feel like obligations. Mistakes become more frustrating. Parents notice more resistance getting ready for the rink.

The instinct can be to respond with another lesson, another clinic, or another motivational speech.

Sometimes the player simply needs space.

That doesn't mean disappearing from athletic activity for months with no thought or plan. It means recognizing that recovery can renew motivation.

A kid who spends Saturday swimming, riding a bike, hanging out with friends, or doing absolutely nothing productive may return Sunday more excited to play than if Saturday had been filled with another structured hockey activity.

That's not falling behind.

That's being human.

“No Days Off” Needs a Better Definition

The hockey world loves phrases like “no days off.”

The problem is what happens when young athletes interpret them literally.

High-level athletes don't become great because they punish themselves every single day.

They become great because they develop strong habits, understand their bodies, and follow intelligent plans.

That plan includes recovery.

One of the most useful ideas from the conversation was reframing a day off as a recovery day.

There's an important distinction between:

• skipping training because there is no plan, and
• intentionally choosing recovery because it is the plan.

Great athletes don't need to panic every time circumstances force them to adjust.

They trust the work they have already done.

Hayley described how this applies during her professional offseason. Travel can change schedules. Events can interfere with workouts. Some mornings she recognizes that training would help her feel better. Other times she recognizes that forcing a workout would only leave her more exhausted.

That judgment is part of being an experienced athlete.

And it's a skill young players can begin developing too.

Habits Matter More Than Perfect Streaks

A major fear behind the “never take a day off” mentality is that one missed workout will somehow undo months of progress.

It won't.

Strong athletes aren't strong because they never miss anything.

They're strong because they know how to return to their habits.

That's a very different mindset.

Imagine two players.

One believes she has to complete her training schedule perfectly. Missing one day makes her anxious, and once the schedule is disrupted, she feels like everything has fallen apart.

The other has strong habits but understands that life happens. She misses Tuesday, accepts it, and returns to her routine Wednesday.

Which mindset is more sustainable over ten years?

Probably the second.

Parents can help girls develop this skill by praising consistency rather than perfection.

Instead of:

“You missed your workout.”

Try:

“What's your plan for getting back into your routine?”

That subtle difference teaches responsibility without creating panic.

Adaptability Is an Elite Skill

Young athletes often imagine elite performers as people whose lives run according to perfectly organized schedules.

Reality is messier.

Travel gets delayed.

Plans change.

Facilities aren't available.

School gets busy.

Family events happen.

Bodies get tired.

At the professional level, Hayley has learned to create a plan while remaining willing to adjust it. She often outlines her upcoming training week around Sunday, knowing that life may still require changes.

That's an important form of mental training.

When a plan changes, athletes can ask:

What can I control right now?

Maybe they can't control the flight delay, cancelled practice, family commitment, or unexpected schedule change.

They can often control their effort, attitude, nutrition, recovery, and response.

Teaching girls how to adapt may ultimately serve them far better than teaching them that every plan must be followed perfectly.

Your Daughter Needs Something That Isn't Hockey

This might be one of the most important ideas in the entire conversation.

Every young hockey player should have something in her life that has absolutely nothing to do with becoming better at hockey.

Not cross-training disguised as relaxation.

Not an activity selected because it improves hand-eye coordination.

Not something chosen because it will look good to a coach.

Something she simply enjoys.

For Hayley, that can mean puzzles, spending time with family, going to a restaurant, hiking, playing with her dog Lexi, or playing tennis with her dad.

For another girl, it might be:

• Drawing
• Playing an instrument
• Reading fantasy novels
• Baking
• Fishing
• Photography
• Going to concerts
• Playing with friends
• Gardening
• Building LEGO
• Going to the beach
• Learning another sport
• Sitting on the couch watching a favorite show

There doesn't need to be a hockey-development justification.

Joy is enough.

Free Play Is Still Development—Even When Nobody Is Coaching

Hayley offered a wonderfully simple assignment for young athletes:

Go outside and play.

Not everything needs cones.

Not everything needs a coach.

Not everything needs statistics, video analysis, rankings, or a scoreboard.

Play flag football.

Throw a baseball.

Ride a bike.

Play wall ball.

Run around with neighborhood friends.

Make up a game.

And sometimes—especially for competitive athletes—don't even keep score.

This kind of play gives kids opportunities they don't always get in organized sports.

They negotiate rules.

They solve problems.

They lead.

They follow.

They disagree.

They compromise.

They invent.

They fail without an adult immediately correcting them.

And perhaps most importantly, they learn that movement can simply be fun.

Parents don't need to optimize every one of those experiences.

Sometimes our job is just to create enough space for them to happen.

Parents Set the Environment

For hockey parents, this conversation creates an uncomfortable but worthwhile question:

Are we giving our daughters permission to have a life outside hockey?

We can tell them hockey isn't everything while building a family calendar that says otherwise.

We can say rest is important while asking what they're going to accomplish on every free afternoon.

We can encourage balance and then quietly become anxious when they choose a birthday party over an optional skate.

That's not because parents have bad intentions.

Most of the time it comes from caring enormously about our kids.

We know opportunities are competitive. We know other players are training. We don't want our daughters to regret missing something.

But parenting an athlete requires seeing a bigger timeline.

One missed skate probably isn't going to determine a career.

One summer tournament probably isn't going to determine a career.

And one Saturday spent laughing with friends might become a memory she carries for the rest of her life.

Hayley told a funny story about attending hockey practice before a middle-school dance. When she eventually danced with a boy, her hands still smelled so strongly from her hockey gloves that his reaction left her completely embarrassed.

It's funny now.

But it also captures the episode's message perfectly.

Sometimes it's okay to choose the dance.

Expose Her to More Than the Game

Kids can't discover interests they've never been given an opportunity to experience.

Parents who live and breathe hockey may have to be intentional about this.

Show your daughter music.

Take her hiking.

Visit a museum.

Give her books from different genres.

Try fishing.

Cook together.

Go camping.

Let her see what you enjoy away from work and sports.

And when she becomes curious about something, resist the urge to immediately turn it into another competitive pursuit.

Not every interest needs a private instructor.

Not every hobby needs a ranking.

Not every activity needs a pathway.

Sometimes a hobby should stay a hobby.

The Best Athletes Are More Than Athletes

Toward the end of the conversation, Lee posed a powerful question to Hayley.

After Olympic gold, professional hockey, championships, and everything else she has accomplished, what does she hope people remember about her that has nothing to do with hockey?

Her answer had nothing to do with goals, medals, trophies, or statistics.

She hopes people remember that she was kind, that they felt loved and supported, and that perhaps she helped people become more fully themselves.

That's perspective worth giving every young athlete.

Hockey is incredibly important.

But hockey is something your daughter does.

It doesn't have to become the entirety of who she is.

And ironically, when girls have strong relationships, interests, identities, and sources of happiness outside the rink, they may become more resilient inside it too.

A bad game becomes a bad game—not a crisis of identity.

A roster decision hurts—but it doesn't erase everything else that makes life meaningful.

An injury changes hockey—but it doesn't eliminate their entire sense of self.

That is real strength.

What Hockey Families Can Do This Week

You don't need to completely redesign your schedule.

Start small.

1. Protect one recovery window.
Find time when your player has permission to rest without being asked how she is going to “make up” the workout.

2. Ask about something other than hockey.
“What do you want to try that you've never done before?”

3. Create opportunities for unstructured play.
Let kids invent the activity instead of adults organizing it.

4. Model having your own interests.
Young athletes notice when parents can—or can't—disconnect too.

5. Stop optimizing every hobby.
If she likes drawing, let her draw. It doesn't need to improve visualization skills for hockey.

6. Build habits instead of demanding perfection.
Teach her how to return to a routine after missing something.

7. Celebrate who she is outside the rink.
Talk about kindness, curiosity, friendship, courage, creativity, humor, and character just as enthusiastically as goals and assists.

The Bigger Goal

Every hockey family wants to help their daughter reach her potential.

But potential shouldn't only mean becoming the best hockey player she can be.

It also means helping her become a confident, curious, resilient person who knows what she values and what brings her joy.

Yes, work hard.

Yes, practice.

Yes, build great habits.

Yes, pursue big hockey dreams.

But also take the trip.

Read the book.

Play tennis with Dad.

Do the puzzle.

Walk the dog.

Go to the dance.

Spend the afternoon at the lake.

Laugh with friends.

And occasionally allow enough distance from hockey that you actually have a chance to miss it.

The rink will still be there.

And when your daughter returns excited, refreshed, and ready to play, she may discover that stepping away didn't take anything from her game at all.

It gave something back.

🎧 Listen to the full episode of Our Girls Play Hockey with your player, then ask each other one question: “What do you love doing that has nothing to do with hockey?”

The answer might be more important than you think.

Keep supporting the girls who play, compete, grow, and dream—and keep making room for the people they're becoming away from the rink.