Our Girls Play Hockey: Hayley Scamurra on Building the Will to Win

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome back to another edition of Our Girls Play Hockey. I am Leah Lyus with Haley Skimora here today, and we've got a really interesting uh and important topic that we're gonna talk to you about today. Uh, and I'll just call it the desire, the need, the skill of having to win. Okay, now this is a youth hockey show, even though we talk about Haley's day-to-day life in pro sports. So we're gonna actually talk today about how this applies to youth sports, a world where we often tell our kids that the outcome, the final score of a game, is not the be all end-all of the game. And that is absolutely correct. Okay, we'll start right there, right? Like those outcomes are not the only thing that matters. However, as we've discussed in previous episodes, at the pro level, at a high level, the desire to win, to compete, the need to do that amongst high-level athletes is a skill set. And it's a needed skill set. So we're gonna have a discussion today about how your kids can develop that skill set in youth hockey. And it's a great place, Haley, I'll tell you, because we've had emails from younger uh parents talking about their eight-year-olds, uh, worried about, hey, my kid doesn't really compete that hard, and I'm worried about that. Uh, first off, at eight years old, that's not something you should be concerned about. I'm gonna be pretty blunt with you. It should be about loving the sport, but the question remains, right? So why don't we start with the professional? We'll go from the top down here. About, I don't think the layman fan or the average person has an understanding of the desire that professional athletes have to compete and win. Is that something you can even start to put into words for them about how competitive it actually gets at that level?

SPEAKER_00 2:08

It is it is hard to explain. I think um one way to quantify it is us willingly putting our bodies in front of a puck that's moving very fast with any part of our body to have it just not go towards our net. I feel like is a good indicator for how much uh a person or a team might want to win. Um and you know, how you go about cultivating that kind of desire, not really sure. Um, but I think you know, it kind of comes from the top down in terms of like the coaches and what they want for the team and uh different drills they might do in practice to kind of like cultivate that uh can really help uh you know make players want to win more. Right. Uh but I think it's also very intrinsic. Like I've just always been competitive. I can't remember a time I wasn't competitive.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Right. I was just about to ask you about that. Is when when did you notice that about yourself? Right. And it's you saying it was right from the start, right? Um, and you had siblings, right? I I always say that kind of plays into it in in some families. Now, let me ask it this way. So let's just audience like assume Haley's always been competitive, right? But there's levels to this, right? Because Haley at 12 versus Haley at 19 versus 25 and so on. That's that's different levels as as the stakes get raised. So is there a moment maybe uh and and and look, we can go with the entire career here, but is there a moment you realize, okay, I I gotta go even further with this than I've been doing, right? In terms of like, I gotta raise the bar here for myself from a competitive standpoint.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

I can't think of a moment if I'm being honest, but I think um because I I don't even know, I didn't really think about going to the next level necessarily until I found out that I could get a scholarship to college. Like, so before that, it was just because I loved the game and I loved winning. Like that's why I was playing and that's why I was continuing in hockey, in soccer, um, different things like that. Right. Um, and then once I realized that I could continue my career in it, I think that's when it maybe hit to like take it to the next level in terms of like training off ice, nutrition, and yeah, um, you know, just figuring out ways to continue to grow my game at that point. Uh, but before that, it was just your desire and love of sports and competing and different things like that. Like, I remember even just playing board games with my brothers. Like, I wanted to beat them at Scrabble. Like, I would be so upset if I wasn't winning Scrabble. So it just was in everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Yeah, you know what I love about that answer, and and again, like we're trying, it's like journalism, right? We're uncovering things, is that the constant was already there, right? It's the resources that kind of change for you, and that that's what I'm hearing. It's like, well, when this became possible, that's when I started thinking that way, and you just applied what you were already doing to more things or to a higher level. Uh, I think that's a pretty important distinction for people. Uh, because we talked a lot, like there's no there's no button, there's no switch that just makes someone who's not competitive competitive. Like, it just doesn't work that way. Now, with that said, um, you know, there's also a statement of um, well, you have it or you don't. And I don't think that's necessarily true either. All right. I think, I think once you have it, you have it or you don't. Okay. Like, like follow me here, right? Once you have that competitive nature, very, very, I'd say almost impossible to not have it. Um, but it spawns at different times for different people and different kids. So, like I said earlier in the episode, an eight-year-old might not have it, and that's okay. Uh, adversely, an eight-year-old might absolutely have it, and that's okay. Um, right, a lot of times this won't activate for kids until they're in their teens or or later part of that. And I'll be honest with you, Haley, some kids, it doesn't activate. Not everybody is born to have that competitive nature, and that's okay. All right. I think that we I'm saying that over and over again because it's not a mistake if you don't have a cutthroat attitude towards sports. Yeah, that's just who you are. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

No, I was just gonna completely agree. Like, not everyone is wired the same way, and that's how it's supposed to be. We're all different, like, we're all unique people, and so there's also different levels of compete and how much people want things, and that's all very normal.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah, and look, sometimes it manifests itself in different ways, right? Like, astronauts are pretty cool. Uh, I think astronauts are pretty amazing, they're probably maybe played sports, but their focus was not to be a competitive athlete, their focus was potentially to go to the moon or go to Mars. Yes, and they're relentless with that pursuit, and it all comes down to passion, right? When you figure out, I always love that line in when Harry met Sally, when you realize you're in love with someone, you pretty much want the rest of your life to start right away. Yeah, it's not just two of people, like when you have a passion for anything, uh, it becomes real easy to put the time and the effort in in terms of in terms of the desire, right? There's not every morning you're gonna want to wake up and do it, right? But it comes at different times, and I think that that's just really important. I think too, Haley, I want to talk about uh you know, with the parents of we'll say exploring this with your kids because we've said it a million times on all of our shows. You cannot create it, you can cultivate it. And the way you cultivate it is by putting them in situations where it could spark. Uh, and one of the exercises I do with the kids is we use words, and I will talk about the difference between uh wanting and needing, um, or or wanting and earning, and making sure they understand the distinction between wanting something versus going and getting something, uh, because everybody wants something, right? Very few people are willing to do the work. And one of the conversations I have with my own kids who have dreams like everybody else, uh, one of them is I want to play in the Olympics or I want to play on this team. And I will always be honest with them that I love that you have a dream. I love it, and I want you to have your dream. But dreams without the work are not going to happen. And I'm pretty blunt with them about that statement. And I tell them in the same sentence, Haley, I say, it is your choice whether or not you want to do that work, and it's there's no right or wrong answer. But you can't expect any outcome without the work, without the desire, without the passion. I'm guessing you have messages like that growing up from your family as well, just about the the nature of work. Yeah, we we've heard from you about how uh you were outside early in the mornings a lot of days shooting pucks. Um, but what about cultivating that desire? What advice do you have for kids uh that are maybe trying to prove that to themselves?

SPEAKER_00 8:37

I would say, I mean, I remember with like my dad with any sport we did, we always put in a lot of work to get better at it, like whether it was tennis or soccer or hockey, um, whatever sport I was in, it was like I was giving my all in that sport in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

And so it was always focusing on like ways to improve or ways to it was like constructive criticism, usually. And I think it just made me an all-around better soccer player, hockey player, tennis player, like all of the above. And I think being good at all of those sports just helped me be better in one when I eventually went to one.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Um, and it was also a lot of focus on what you could do outside of the sports to get better. Like I remember like we were always being active, like always um, you know, doing like different types of workouts, like, you know, obviously safe and healthy workouts for whatever age I was. And I think also having three older brothers, I always wanted to be playing up with them. So I did whatever it took to kind of play with people who were always older than me, faster than me, um, and different things like that. So I think that was a huge cultivating piece for me as well. Like, remember, I was like probably nine or 10, and I was working out with my brother's team, who was 12, probably 12 or 13 at the time. So it was like I was always raising my level to like get onto theirs.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah, it's amazing what older siblings create in younger siblings. I know that's not for everybody. And this is not, I'm not saying that younger siblings always have an advantage or anything like that. But look, tracing my older brother put something inside of me. You know, I wanted to win, I wanted to beat him. And you know what? I rarely did uh growing up until until we were older and the stakes were a little, you know, I was about the same height as him at that point.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Um, the other thing you brought up too that I love was the constructive criticism that you got. Um, and I think we need to explore that for a minute for parents. We're talking about how to cultivate, you know, this winning mindset or the this effort mindset. I think there's a uh a distinction between constructive criticism and criticism. I think a lot of parents don't understand the difference. Criticism is you didn't work hard enough today. There's nothing constructive about what I just said, okay? That's just criticism. And I think that parents and coaches for that matter, I shouldn't just limit this to parents. Constructive critic criticism gives them something along with that to help them push forward, right? So it's hey, I didn't think you had the best effort today. What are some things we can do to improve on that the next game? Or I didn't think you had the best effort today. You know, one of the ways you can improve upon that is getting better sleep and preparing yourself, uh, maybe writing a journal or doing this before the game. Now it's become constructive. All right, kids don't love criticism, period. And parents, they're kind of gonna tune you out if you keep doing that. If you give them the tools, I'm not saying they won't tune you out too, okay, but but they're listening more than you think. All right, the amount of times I've caught my kids doing stuff I've said without telling me that they were gonna do it is quite a bit. All right, and then they'll then they'll say, Oh, you told me to do this, and I didn't think they were listening, right? So if you're gonna give constructive criticism, that's a big key to helping it. And and parents, and Haley, I'd love to hear about the dynamic with you and your father on this one. You can only put it out there again. You can lead a horse to water, you you can't make them drink, but you put it out there, and then it's it's the kid's choice to kind of pick it up. It's it's you can't force it on them. I can't stress that enough. What did your father and mom do so well that maybe put you in a position that that I'm retaining this?

SPEAKER_00 12:11

I would say my mom she was always just supportive, uh, always just like, great job, sweetie. You know, she was one of those. That's a good impression. And yeah, and my dad and I we went through stages. I would say sometimes it came off more criticism than constructive for sure. As I'm sure every parent, yeah, for a hundred percent. And I think looking back now, you can have more like uh empathy for that, if you will. I think at the time it was obviously hard at times when it just felt like it was all criticism.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Yeah. When you have kids, you learn this lesson pretty hard too, just so you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Yeah. And uh, you know, it's something we still continue to work on. There's still times where I'm like, hey, that was too much. Like you need to like chill out a little bit, you know, like and uh even now I make him sometimes wait 24 hours before he gives me any any thoughts because sometimes it's just like you're so fired up, right? Like, or you're really like ruminating on something. It's like, let's see how you feel in 24 hours from now, and then we'll go from there. And again, this might be a little, I don't know if it's too uh advanced necessarily for certain ages, but that's what's helped us a lot, I would say. And then also he'll now ask me, Hey, uh, can I give you a piece of advice on this? And I appreciate that because it gives me the autonomy to be like, yes, I would love to hear your thoughts on it. And it makes me more receptive too when he asks. Like if he's just like shoving it like down my throat, I think sometimes you're kind of like you get defensive, you're like, well, like chill. But if you kind of give them the choice, like, hey, would you like to hear what I kind of noticed? And then I say yes, it's a lot easier to kind of digest. And he also puts it in a way where it's it is constructive and it is like, oh, that's a good perspective. Like I didn't think of it that way. Like, yes, I could have done that on X, Y, or Z play.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Yeah, this is really important stuff. Uh and again, I always love listening to talk, Ellie, because there's so many takeaways, right? One of the ones that you just said is that you know, there's kind of a two-way interaction here. I think it's important to note because I think a lot of a lot of interactions are not two ways, or a kid may say, Well, this is what I was now. You listen to me when I'm talking. I've seen that. All right, parents, like, you gotta let them talk, all right. Yeah, I'll be honest with you. Their answer may be horrible, BS, and make no sense. More often than not, when they're younger, all right. But you gotta let them at least tell you what they saw. All right, because if it's not a two-way conversation, why would they want to listen? Wait for their teenagers. Why would they listen to you? Right? So, and again, look, obviously, you're the parent. Yes, they have to listen to you. I hope I'm making sense of what I'm saying, but there was a two-way conversation with you here and your dad. I think that's important. The other thing you said, and and I think it's one of the most powerful phrases. Uh, what you said, may I give you some advice? Or can you give me some advice? All right, uh, gotta be honest when you're saying those two things, but that is a very important aspect of this, right? Choosing to listen. You remind me of conversations with my son. We say all the time the car ride's not for coaching, all right. And what that essentially means is me as the dad and the coach, I'm not gonna jump on my kid when we get in the car. We did say one of the caveats was if the kid wants to talk about the game, that's kind of a bit of a green light for you to have a conversation. Totally. And and I I remember my son after a game in net was kind of asking me like some leading questions without kind of it was weird. It was like he wasn't quite talking about the game. And so I said what you just said, hey buddy, do you want to know what I saw? And he said, I'm like just like this. He goes, Oh, yes, please. Just like that. My heart was so open at that point because it's like, oh wow, he he really wants to talk about it, right? To me, as a as a father, as a coach, as a host of this podcast. Um, again, no perfect parents, but man, that was a win for me. Like, wow, this that we've cultivated an environment where he wants to discuss this today. I gotta say, it's not always the case. Loses six-nothing, he doesn't tend to want to talk about those games, and I get it, at least not right. Right. Um, so I love that. I also love that you invented the 24-hour parent rule. We haven't talked about that on the air before. We've talked about the 24-hour rule, but you know, you said it, it's actually pretty logical. Like, why would you jump on your kid if you're not going to jump with the coach? Why would you jump on your kid? Uh you know, and also parents, I take a lot of notes. Like when I have something I want to talk to my kid about, I'm really feeling like passionate, I guess, in the moment. Write it down. And like you said, wait 24 hours, see how you feel about it. Might not be as important as you thought. Good chance your kid doesn't even know what happened. Kids play hockey, they don't see it like you see it. But um, amazing stuff there, Haley. You know, the the next topic I kind of want to go to. I love talking about this, and I'm I'm I'm actually gonna come at this from a point of view of I'm a former athlete, I'm a current high-level coach. You're a professional athlete in the Olympia. Guys, I don't know how to say it any simpler than this. Winning is really, really hard. It's really hard. The odds are never in your favor. However, the expectations in new sports of winning are insane to me. Like, first off, in pro sports, one team wins. In the Olympics, one team wins. In national sports, one team's gonna win. That's it. There's only one team winning. The field could be eight, it could be 64. Only one team's gonna win. It's it's hard to do. In youth sports, you get a few more chances. You get three or four tournaments during the year, you get whatever your league championship is. Let's just say you get four chances to win. One team's gonna win each one of those. It's hard, it's really hard. I want to have just a quick discussion with you, Haley. I'm gonna talk a lot. I I just I don't know where the disconnect is with people with this, like it's super hard, and that's why it's so great. Because if it was easy, this would not be fun. Yeah, people don't realize that you don't do things that are too easy, people don't realize that about themselves, right? Like, you don't do the same thing every day because it's easy. Yeah, we humans, we need to be there. Just tell me your thoughts on just the how hard it is to win first. I think we'll go from there.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

Yeah, I mean, it definitely is, but that like you said, it's why it's fun, and that's why you also have to be okay with the losses because that's what eventually makes you better, and then what leads to more winning, right? But then if you just won all the time, like what fun is that? Like you would just be the same thing every day, it would be a monotonous day at work, you know. Like, oh yeah, we won again. Yep, you know, like there's no fun in that, so it's more fun to go through those where you're winning, you're losing, and like you have all of the emotions with it because then you the wins are that much more special when you do win. Uh so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

I I'll say this too, right? Like, I don't, and you tell me if you have, right? I don't think I've ever met uh a championship athlete that just won all the time. I mean, they have they have stories of immense uh uh hardships, you know, immense pain in losing that drove them to that, right? This goes back to the kind of sibling thing we were talking about, right? I don't know anyone who has like won everything every time they've played. And and I I'm not trying to exaggerate that. I mean, like, really, like, oh, I have this you hear, oh, that guy's won at every level, and they never say, Well, they lost at every level, too. Right? Let's let's Haley, let's talk about you. You have lost in the PWHL, you have lost a gold medal, yeah. You've lost in college, like every level you played at, you've lost. Yeah, like that's not the tagline for the episode or anymore. Because you've also won every you know a lot now, too.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Yeah, but like and I think yeah, go ahead. Well, yeah, I mean, you just remember those moments. Like, I do remember when I we were winning, you know, when we won the gold medal, we're on the ice. It's like I remember being on the other side. I remember being on the other side, and I remember looking at the other team celebrating and how painful that was and how sad it was. And then I'm like, well, now I'm on this side, and that makes it that much sweeter, it makes it that much more special and incredible because it's like you remember what it was to have all that work done and not get to that pinnacle moment. And now here I am at the pinnacle moment, and it was the same thing with the Walter Cup championship. Like, I remember the year before losing in the first round of playoffs, like how heartbreaking that was. I remember year one not even making playoffs and how heartbreaking that was. Your season just ends, like you put all that work in, you don't even make the playoffs, like it's terrible. Yeah, and so you just you do remember those moments in the high moments, and it makes those moments all the more special and all the more incredible.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

One of the things I say all the time to my teams, especially the high-level teams, is if you want to win big, you have to risk losing big. There's no scenario that you're gonna get into a big win situation where you don't risk a horrible loss. And I'm I I want to explain this too because I I think for context of this episode, we have to. Um losing in youth hockey uh is a is a growth thing. Don't go, don't get me wrong, it's it sucks. Like, I'm not gonna, I don't I hate losing, right? Like losing anything in youth hockey feels rough, it's tough on the kids. Uh losing at a high level is a is a is another experience. And again, Haley, you're gonna have to talk to this more than me. I've I've never played an Olympic gold medal game and lost and played in the PWHL to that level. I do know that the big, big, big games that I have lost on the international stage that I coach at uh is some of the most painful uh experiences of my life. All right, to the point uh thoughts creep in your mind that are terrifying, uh in the sense of like maybe I don't want to do this anymore. Like me coach, like maybe I don't want to play anymore. Which is like it doesn't make any sense once a couple days goes by, but like I don't know. I don't know. Again, I'm asking a lot of hard questions with this. Yeah, pain is almost unbearable when you lose. Like you've experienced it. Again, not the most fun thing to talk about, but can you talk about that for a minute?

SPEAKER_00 21:59

I mean In in 2022, you're just on the ice and you're you're just a wreck, and you're seeing the other team and they're all excited. And I remember I was probably saddest in that moment for Brianna Decker because we I wanted to win it for her. She had gotten hurt earlier in the tournament. And uh just like heart and soul of the team, like such a great player, such a great human. And you know, I knew that was most likely her last Olympics potentially, and like for myself, I think it was really hard because at the time I'm like that could have been my first and only chance to win gold, and I have silver. Like I had no idea where I would be in the next four years. And I think that was the hardest part of that loss. And then I just remember we all sat in the locker room just silent, like just sad for like so long. Cause I didn't want to take off the jersey, like I didn't want to I didn't want to leave that team. Like that's the end of that team, too. And and we know, like coming up with silver, like at the Olympics, it's like you don't get any recognition when you go back home. Like it's silent, okay? Like the difference between what I'm experiencing right now compared to then. Yeah, I I had no one reaching out, no one contacting, like no one congratulating, really. Like it's just like you, you I don't know, it's hard to explain. And I remember, I mean, a big turning point for me there was like I knew other people at the Olympics who didn't even get a medal. And I remember um a good friend of mine, Caitlin Hawaii, she's a ice dancer for figure skating. And I remember she goes, Oh my gosh, you have a medal! Like that's so incredible. And I was like, You're right, it is like yeah, and I think that helped a little bit with the loss and stuff, but like it's still it still hurt and it was still really difficult. And um, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Again, for those of you listening, um, you know, Haley, I can see the pain in you talking, yeah, like I can see it coming out of you right now, and and like that was four years ago, and you've won everything literally since then. It goes straight, like the stuff sticks with you, like it doesn't just disappear as fans. Turn the TV off, and like some some more off more on fans will be mad for a week, but like we get to turn it off, we're not there, right? Yeah, athletes, coaches, we gotta live with it. Um, and and again, kind of the bounce back point, and you know what's amazing too is I do want to uh point out you said here so amazing that you want a silver medal, but you have to lose to get that medal, yeah. All right, and it's tough because we've been talking about how you're an Olympic gold medalist, but you have been an Olympic medalist for many years, yeah, yeah, all right. And you're right, we don't talk about that too much, right? We use it in our intros, oh Olympic medalist. Uh and we're gonna we're gonna use the gold all the time now, but yeah, yeah. I'm just saying because that sticks with you too, yeah. Um, but it is amazing when you think about this. Now, now again, the bounce back point, kind of to bring this full circle, yeah, is that it's a tremendous amount of pain to lose at that level, all right? Yet, and this is the thing I want to stick with the audience and the kids listening. You show back up again. Feel this pain that feels like your chest is being ripped apart. Take a moment and we're gonna show up again. Because that's how much it's worth doing. That's also how much winning matters at that level. I'm gonna say it again when we equate this to the youth level. This is not, I'm not saying winning your 12U championship is the same thing, but the ability to get back up again and take a step forward and take a strive forward with that pain, is such a life lesson. I mean, I mean, that's what separates to me. Even the non-competitive kids that get up and do that are learning something. And I want to talk about that just for a couple minutes, Haley. About when you're feeling that loss, I'm gonna say it, a part of you wants to get going again, but there's also a part that's like, I don't want to, I don't want to move.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Like, how do you how do you how do you get up and get to the gym the next day or get the ice the next day, or or whenever, you know, whenever it is.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

It's it's weird to think back on because I mean, luckily for us at that point, we didn't have a season to go back to. So it was just over. Like it was uh, I I we did have to do a uh like uh a scrimmage against Canada like like a month later. I'm like, this is we I've never been more out of shape in my life because I did nothing for that month. I took the time off, I remember. Um, and I was just like, whatever, this game will be what it is. It was terrible. Um, but um and actually, funny enough, we actually just looked back on a picture uh after we won the Walter Cup. And during that trip, that's when I think we signed like this contract saying that we would wait for this professional league with whatever investor it was to join that league. And we took like this monumental photo with it, and I think it was at that game at that hotel. I remember that. And we're in a room. Yep. And I forgot about the moment and I saw the picture and I was like, that's wild. Like looking back now, like what? Like that's what we created in that moment. So that was actually pretty cool, but um, it was hard. I think I I I took time off for sure. Um, and I think eventually you just kind of you get to a point where you're excited to train again and be like, okay, we can I can do this again. Like, I I want to go and I want to get that gold medal next time. Like, I want to go and achieve, yeah, it's one foot in front of the other.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Like just take a step, yeah, right? Because, like, like here, let's paint this picture again. And again, not to keep staying on on the on the loss, but you lose. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, look, when you lose in a regular season, it's like, oh, there's next season. Like four years away, you have no idea what professional league's happening. Yeah, like four years, yeah. That's a high school, that's a whole high school career, yeah. Right. Um, and I bet you it can become overwhelming of like, man, how do I four years? You just take the next step, you just get up and take a step. Again, life lesson for anybody listening, feels like kind of despair feeling. Take a step. Yeah, and if it doesn't work, just take another step, find another direction. It's it's a powerful thing, and and gang, listen, for the you sports people out here, one of the most important lessons to teach your kids and to be the right person with the arm around the shoulder, picking them up. Let's take that step together. Parents, coaches, I'll take the step with you. Yeah, that means the world to your kids. Yeah, if you push them ahead and go take the step, I'm not the biggest fan of that. There are times when that makes sense. I'm just talking to the parents, but like, no, if they're hurting, if if if they're seasoned, you you help them up and you help them more. Yeah, all right. Teammates too. Like it's not just limited to parents. Um you know, another thing, Haley. Again, sorry, these ideas keep coming in my head now. But uh, I've talked about this before on on shows in the past. I haven't mentioned it in a while about changing what the win is. It's very easy to say, oh, the win's a gold medal, uh, the win is the championship at the end of the season, the win is the all-star team, whatever. You can have a lot of different wins uh at any given time. Um, and I think actually having more than one win is pretty important, right? Because it helps you strive for different things. Now, yeah, obviously Olympic gold is is a massive goal, it's a win you want to have, but there's about 4,000 wins that have to happen on the way to getting that getting that gold medal, right? So can you can you tell me a little bit about your process of creating wins, right? You might have you might have a different term for it, all right. But how it's important of like it's not just about the one thing, yeah. Because if it is, you know, we talked about the risk reward factor, it can be kind of dangerous if your whole life's coming out of one moment.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Yeah. I mean, I think for me, it was always about just like a process goals, I think is what it's called. It's just like what's the next step to get to that ultimate goal. And so for me, I mainly just focused on just doing well at each US camp and making that whatever next team was, whether it was a world championship roster or a rivalry series roster. That was always what I focused on. I never during that time, I never was like, um, you know, I like I didn't think too far ahead in terms of like getting to the Olympic team and getting the gold medal. That all came, you know, eventually. And like I had my manifestations of me writing it that I'm a gold medalist and things like that. But like I also kept it focused on the task at hand and the goal, which was to just keep making the team and keep progressing my game. Yeah. Um, so that's that was what I focused on.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Well, what's cool, and again, in in future, I think episodes we'll talk about this one, but you know, that process will continue for you, right? And again, like for the audience, again, gold medal, PWHL Walter Cup Championship. Like, yeah, from the from it at home, it's she's done it all. Well, Hell is life doesn't end because of this, right? Like, like it must continue. Um, and I'm excited to hear more about the things that you come up with uh now, right? Because because life's gonna change a little bit now and things are gonna move forward a little bit now. You know, another thing too, just just not to stay on this too. I want to go back to um to make a point. You won that gold medal, yeah. All right, this is an interesting question. The pain you felt from losing the gold medal is probably still there. It doesn't just disappear because you won the gold medal, it it's a much better situation, right? Yeah, right, it fills a little bit of the void, yeah. But we should talk about that, right? Too like these things stay with you because they're life lessons, they're not they're not like these points in time that can be erased, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

And I think that moment made me more prepared for this Olympics and made me more resilient for it in a way, and I think um it helped with the pressure of the gold medal game this time around, and so for that, I'm always grateful for that medal, and it was my first Olympic medal, it sh signified a lot of hard work, and you know, I never thought I didn't think I would get to that point. Um, you know, after my college career, I thought that dream had been done. So that medal is super important to me and is a huge um you know, signifier of all the work I've put in to get to that point, and so yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

You know, you know, what's amazing, Haley, is you said it. Uh I'm watching these games at home, and it is the the the tension is immense. And there you are on the ice. You know, I'm sure you're feeling that in your own way, but you're just performing, you were just playing, and you you could see the experience that you're talking about. Like, I've been here before, yeah. Right, same same thing in the Walter Cup playoffs, just just I've been here before. I know how to do that, and I think that's the point of the whole episode. Yeah, is that that's that's the championship thing that you need to build in your kids is the resilience, the the the way to deal with adversity, like all of that stuff's what adds up to I don't want to say being a winner, I think that's a little cliche, but just having that that mindset of how to be a champion at whatever you do hockey, music, astronaut, math, I don't care. Yeah, right. We we owe it to our kids as coaches and as parents to do that. And and I'll close on saying this too, just for the coaches out there, make sure your drills build competition. All right, not just hey, I'm gonna get your hair, you're gonna go over there, then you're gonna shoot the puck. There's no competition in that. Build competition in your drills, all right. Haley, I'm sure when you practice in the PWHL in continuous A, it's not skate from A to B. It's uh from A to B. These five people gonna try and kill you along the way. Yeah. So yeah, it's all competition. There you go. All right. Uh, this has been a great discussion, Haley. And uh for the audience listening again, uh takes all of us, right? Takes a village to help these kids, and there is no right path, there is no right journey. I want to make sure you all understand that like what we talk about is for conversation. It's not there's one way, there's a thousand different ways. So, Haley, thanks for being part of that conversation today.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

Yeah, thank you. It was a great conversation. I think it'll help a lot of a lot of kids out there and their parents.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

Absolutely. All right, that's gonna do it for our girls play hockey. Remember, you can email us, team at our kidsplayhockey.com, or use the link accompanying this episode in the description. I'm getting pretty good at saying that. Uh, you can text us, ask us questions, episode ideas, whatever you're at. But for Haley Skimora, I'm Leas. We will see you on the next episode, everybody. Take care. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, ourkidsplayhockey.com. Also, make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey Stops, at When Hockey Stops.com. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey, and we'll see you on the next episode.